~*~ “This is fucking amazing!” Justin was spinning around in the center of the loft, taking in the appliances, the fixtures, the furniture… the bed. “Jesus, Brian!” The bed that was raised on a platform, clearly the centerpiece of the entire loft. It was so typically Brian, but Justin couldn’t seem to peel his eyes away. “You should see the blue lights,” he whispered, his breath raising goose bumps on the back of Justin’s neck. His arm snaked around Justin’s waist, holding him close. “Fucking fabulous.” Justin slowly turned, facing him. “Everything about this place is.” “It’s what I’ve always wanted.” “I know.” He licked his lips slowly and Justin couldn’t help watching. Brian fished another tablet from his pocket and held it up. “Only one left.” Justin shook his head. “I shouldn’t.” He knew this was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. He was already tweaked, he was horny and he was with Brian. Definitely a dangerous combination. Especially when the look on Brian’s face was pure predator. Brian moved closer, leaning their foreheads together, the E resting on his tongue. Justin closed his eyes, gave in and Brian passed it, pushing it slowly inside his mouth. Instead of pulling away, his tongue ran along Justin’s lips until Justin moaned and opened up to him. He couldn’t resist it. The feel of Brian’s body against his and the warmth of his tongue sliding against his teeth, his gums… exploring every part of his mouth. He knew most of what he was feeling was from the trip. He wasn’t naïve enough to believe the E wasn’t affecting them, but there was another part, the part that knew it was more than the drug. The part that was making him feel like he would never feel closer to anyone than he did right now. Brian was everything he wanted, everything he needed and he had to have more of him. Or maybe it was just the E. The little bit from earlier. What he’d just taken wouldn’t kick in for a little while but he knew when it did… He was so fucked. Brian’s fingers were sliding along his back, beneath his shirt, pushing slowly into the top of his jeans and Justin was squirming, arching, trying to make room for his hands to fit. “Brian?” “Hmm?” “Shouldn’t we talk about this?” A warm tongue slid down his neck, reaching his collarbone, nipping lightly against his skin and it almost… almost made him give up on conversation, but he was determined. He needed to know how Brian felt almost as much as he needed this physical connection to him. “Please Brian.” Brian pulled away, breathing rapidly and kissed his lips again before he turned around and walked into the kitchen. Justin watched, confused, until he saw him pull two bottles of water from the refrigerator and turn off the light. His pulse raced when the loft went completely dark, but Brian’s hand was on his hip, pushing him, guiding him up the steps until he felt the bed against his knees and then everything became bathed in blue. Vibrant, living color revealing Brian on his knees on the bed in front of him and it was the sexiest sight he’d ever seen. Again, Justin blamed it on the E. Even if he knew it wasn't true. “I should go home.” Brian’s brow rose as he handed Justin one of the bottles and lay back against a pillow. Without thought, Justin slid up beside him, opening the cap and downed half the water. “Why do you want to go? I thought you wanted to talk.” Justin smiled. “I don’t want to, but I should. This is probably the worst place I could be right now.” Brian moved to his side and leaned back on his elbow, his fingers slowly rubbing up and down the length of Justin’s arm. “I can’t think of any place better.” “I don’t want to be your Saturday night trick.” “I would have fucked you and thrown you out by now.” Justin smiled and laid his head down on the pillow, staring at Brian staring back at him. “Are you going to?” “What, fuck you?” Justin nodded. “And throw me out.” Brian bit his lip. Justin could almost imagine the sound of the clock ticking as Brian decided how to answer. Tick tock, tick tock… “That depends. If I fuck you, you’ll probably never speak to me again.” Justin snorted. “How do you know I’d let you anyway? You’re assuming a lot.” Brian’s lips covered his again, hard and wet and taking him over completely. Minutes passed and they were breathless, panting… pulling at each other with a forceful grip before they finally broke apart. “You’d let me because your cock’s pressed against my leg,” he rubbed a knee slowly against Justin’s noticeable erection, “your nipples are hard,” his finger reached across, barely rubbing the nub through his t-shirt, “your face is flushed, your pupils are so fucking dilated you can’t see straight and you know your boyfriend is probably out fucking half of Pittsburgh right now.” “He’s not.” “You wouldn’t be here with me otherwise.” “I’m here because you were too fucked up to make it home yourself.” “I’m not as fucked up as you think, and you stayed because you wanted to. And you know I’m right about him.” Justin sighed in defeat. “John knew his name.” Brian’s brow rose. “John, the bartender at Babylon.” He nodded and decided to let Justin talk. “He asked me where Brandon was tonight. Said he hadn’t seen him in a couple of days.” He shrugged and unconsciously threaded his fingers with Brian’s, resting their hands on Brian’s hip. “I didn’t think he’d been there except the one time with me, but I guess he’s a regular now.” He glanced up at Brian. “I knew he’d been fucking around. He’s been showing up at Em’s smelling like sex and come and then he’d get pissed if I didn’t want to fuck him. I just… I wanted you to think he was great. That we were great.” Brian leaned in, whispering against Justin’s ear. “Why do you think I got you tweaked on E?” “Huh?” Brian snorted and pulled Justin against him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “I knew it was the only way to get you to talk. We’ve been playing this fucking game of Sunshine’s perfect life for the past month. I wanted to know what was really going on.” Justin’s head curved into Brian’s chest and he closed his eyes. “I’m that pathetic?” “No. He’s the one who’s pathetic. If he can’t realize what a good thing he has…” Justin turned, shocked. “Coming from you?” Brian closed his eyes and sighed. “I fucked up, Justin. I knew what I had with you, but I couldn’t pretend to be something I’m not. You know that better than anyone.” Justin rolled over, pushing himself halfway on top of Brian’s chest, staring down at him. “But couldn’t you just for once be honest with me? Tell me what you think we had. Yeah, I know you. I know you fuck a lot of guys and I know that isn’t gonna change. But what about me? What was it about that night that turned you into such an asshole?” Brian shrugged and tried to look away, but Justin wasn’t about to let that happen. “You got me here. You wanted me to talk. Well, Mr. Kinney, this goes both ways. I’m lying here, in your bed when up until recently, I never thought I’d talk to you again. I deserve to know what you’re thinking besides how much you want to fuck me.” Brian stared incredulously. “Well?” “Justin…” he closed his eyes in frustration. “It’s called communication, Brian. God, you can fuck a million guys, you can do just about anything with a complete stranger, but you can’t talk to me?” He waited. He wasn’t going to say anything else until Brian did, even if he had to wait all night. Luckily, it didn’t take that long. “I didn’t know how to feel about what happened.” Justin shifted, laying his head down on Brian’s chest, curling his fingers through the dark hair behind his ear. “So you decided the best course of action was to piss me off?” Brian’s voice softened. “It wasn’t just a fuck.” “I knew that. Even the next day when you kept trying to tell me it was, I already knew it. I just didn’t know what to think, with Michael being there and the way you were acting…” “I was afraid of what you wanted. What you expected.” Justin exhaled sharply. “I didn’t expect anything, Brian. I told you how I felt about you, not that you didn’t already know. Just because I said it out loud didn’t mean I expected monogamy or marriage. I know those two words aren’t part of your vocabulary. But I fucking wanted to think I at least meant something to you!” “You did.” Brian looked down, trying to meet Justin’s eyes. “You do.” “I had no intention of trying to change you.” “I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to if you asked.” “Would you have tried?” Brian shrugged. “I would have failed.” “But you would have tried.” Brian took a breath. “I would have tried.” Justin nodded and closed his eyes. That said more to him than any other words could have. “We really did fuck up, didn’t we?” “But we’re fixing it. Right?” Justin yawned and settled in closer, pulling the blankets over them. Fully clothed, lying in Brian’s bed with his arms wrapped around him, Justin hadn’t been happier in months. “We should get some sleep.” It was quiet. Justin reached up, turning off the blue lights, leaving only the slightest amount of moonlight shining through the window. “I’d never fucked anyone I cared about. It was different.” Brian turned his body so they were facing and pulled Justin closer, kissing him softly. “It was better.” “It always is.” Justin rolled over, spooning himself against Brian. When he felt Brian’s breath against his neck and his arm snake around his waist, he couldn’t stop the smile. This time, it wasn’t from the E.