Love’s Long Journey
Chapter 8
Brian sat up and swung his long legs over the edge of the bed. He rubbed his hands over his face and with bleary eyes glanced at his clock on the nightstand. He let out a groan when he noticed the time. It seemed like he had just fallen asleep. Wearily he stood up and dragged his exhausted body into the bathroom. He hoped that his morning shower would give him energy enough to get his day started.
Stepping into the steam-filled glass enclosure he stood under the pulsating stream of water and let it cascade over his entire body. The heat of the water seemed to ease his tired muscles and he relaxed and tried to clear his mind. It seemed ever since Justin left, his days were filled with memories of the time he had spent at the ranch. Everywhere he looked he saw the blond; creating chaos with the kids making them squeal with delight. Or hear peals of laughter echoing in the barn as they threw hay at one another or over by the corral encouraging them as they rode their horses. His image seemed to be everywhere and at night Brian’s dreams were haunted by crystal blue eyes looking into the depths of his soul willing him to let go of his past.
Even though it had been months, the memories and images were just as fresh, and it didn’t help that they had been in contact often since he left.
He climbed out of the shower, toweled himself dry, and put on a pair blue jeans and a denim shirt. Quickly he ran his fingers through his hair, grabbed his hat and headed downstairs for breakfast.
Before he even entered the kitchen he could smell the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and Sarah’s famous buttermilk biscuits.
“Morning, Sarah,” Brian greeted as he headed for the counter to pour himself a large cup of coffee. It was going to take several cups to get him going this morning.
“Morning Mr. Brian,” Sarah replied as she turned to greet him in her usual chipper tone. She eyed him as he scooped several heaping teaspoons of sugar into his cup. Dark shadows rimmed his eyes and made them appear lifeless and dull. “Get a good nights sleep?” she asked even though she knew he hadn’t. Since the young blond had left it seemed her employer was wrestling with some sort of decision and it appeared to be taking its toll. She knew he wasn’t sleeping well, because she had noticed the light on in his den almost every night until the wee hours of the morning. She knew it wasn’t because he was doing paperwork. It all seemed to start when Brian received some sort of notice in the mail from New York.
He gave her a weary smile and replied, “Not really, but I guess you already knew that.”
She smiled back knowingly. Their relationship was more than employer/employee. Sarah seemed to fill the void his own mother left and she couldn’t have loved him more even if he were her own son. That’s why she was concerned for him. She had an inkling of what might be going on and she already said her piece. It was up to Brian now to come to his own realization and she hoped for all of their sakes that it would be soon. She didn’t know if she could take it much longer. In times like these she wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him; to make him see it was time to move on without fear of guilt, to make him understand that he deserved to be happy.
“Well, you better get a move on and get your morning ride in before the kids get up,” she said as she shooed him up and out of the kitchen, but not before he turned and kissed her on the cheek.
“Thanks,” he said. That single word meaning more than he could express at the moment.
“You’re welcome. Now go on and get out of here so I can do my work,” Sarah replied as she picked up the corner of her apron and dabbed away the dampness that had formed at the corner of her eyes.
Brian headed to the stall where Emperor awaited. He stroked the stallion’s head as he entered and was greeted with a wet snort and a nuzzle against the side of his cheek. “Morning Boy,” Brian spoke, his tone low and gentle. A bobbing of the horse’s sleek head and a shake of his mane let his owner know he was as anxious as he was to get out in the open for the daily ride.
Brian placed the blanket over Emperor’s back before he lifted the heavy saddle in place. After tightening the straps he led the horse out of the stall and into the yard. He flipped the reins over the animal’s neck and grabbed the saddle horn to hoist himself over the powerful stallion.
Brian was in tune with the animal and allowed Emperor to take the lead as they galloped over the grassy slopes that were covered with early morning dew. As they reached the crest of the north slope, Brian reined in the stallion so he could watch the sun rise over the horizon. Its blazing rays of heat spreading over the landscape and warming the earth beneath.
As he sat and watched the sun gradually make its way toward its peak, his fingers unconsciously stroked the heavy linked platinum bracelet Christian had given him the day they became life partners. It was their symbol of love and commitment and he had not taken it off since the day Christian had placed it on his wrist. Fingering the bracelet he thought about the invitation he received in the mail. An invitation that had meant a lot. It was to be Justin’s first gallery exhibition and he wanted so much to be there for him, but he also understood that was Justin’s way of asking him if he was ready to take that leap together, if he accepted he would be letting him know he was ready to move on.
He watched the sun rise over the horizon in all it’s glory, its rays spreading out to christen a new day and he breathed in the fresh air and as he released it, he felt a great weight leave his body.
He let Emperor take the led again as they made their way back towards the ranch. Once they arrived he went about his daily activities, his heart lighter knowing that he had come to a decision.
As the stars blanketed the night sky, Brian looked up from his paperwork and realized it was almost midnight. He stretched his head back and rolled his shoulders trying to loosen his cramped muscles. He had been working on things making sure everything was up-to-date. If he planned on taking some time off he wanted to ensure he was all caught up.
He let Sarah and Charlie know that he would be gone for a few days, and perhaps a bit longer. They knew he had finally decided. The couple was ecstatic, although they tried hard not to show their enthusiasm. They didn’t want to scare him.
Dinner was done and Sarah, Charlie and Brian sat around the table drinking coffee. The couple knew he had something on his mind all day, and the two of them had whispered conversations after lunch about the change that had appeared when he returned from his morning ride. They were hoping it was something good and they weren’t disappointed.
“Um…Charlie,” Brian said as he interrupted the man’s musings. “You think you and Sarah can handle the ranch for a few days?”
Charlie’s eyes opened wide as he glanced over to look at his wife who had a gleam in her eyes. “Why sure we can. You going somewhere?” he asked casually and he noticed a slight flush of color rise in Brian’s face.
“Well I thought I take a few days and go to New York.”
“New York…huh. Going to see your old friend Josh?” Charlie felt a sharp kick to his leg and turned to look as this wife. He knew his wife was getting impatient.
“Are you going to see Justin?” Sarah blurted out. If she waited for her husband or Brian to spill the beans it could take a while, and she wanted to know if her assumptions were correct.
Brian smiled at Sarah and nodding his head replied, “Yes, I’m going to see Justin.” He bit his bottom lip as his smile wavered a bit.
Sarah noticed Brian’s smile falter and she reached over and tightly squeezed his hand that laid on the table. “You’re doing the right thing you know. Christian would be very proud that you are moving on with your life. Charlie and I are proud of you too. We know you’ve been wrestling with this decision for a while and that it wasn’t an easy one for you. But, you are doing the right thing and that young man is perfect for you. Whether you both realize or not, you two love each other. You just need to admit it to yourselves when the time is right,” she smiled at him. “ Now go on both of you and get out of the kitchen while I clean up,” she dismissed the two men.
Brian put away the books and the paperwork. Turning off the light and exciting the den he decided to head for the shower before going to bed.
After the day’s dust and grime washed away, he felt refreshed. He toweled himself dry, wrapped the towel around his waist, and walked over to his dresser. Since making his decision this morning, he knew there was one more thing he had to do. It was the hardest part of the decision and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it but deep down he knew it was the one thing left to do to, before finally put Christian to rest.
He pulled opened the top drawer of his dresser, rested both hands on the edge, and slowly he unclasped the heavy linked ID bracelet from his left wrist. It was identical to the one he and Christian had exchanged except for the wording on the back. It was time to move on with his life and he wanted to do it with Justin. He looked down at his wrist, barren and empty, and for an instant a wave of guilt washed over him as he felt he was being disloyal by removing it. It was as if he was betraying their love and the life they had together, but like he told himself a hundred times before it was time to move on. Chris would want it that way even though he had worn the bracelet since the day Christian placed it on him.
He reverently laid the bracelet in the long, black velvet box, then one last time he gently brushed his fingers over the links before snapping the lid shut. The finality of the box snapping closed was almost his undoing. He was about to open the box and retrieve the bracelet when he once again felt a soft breeze waft through his open window and the all too familiar flutter of long eyelashes against his cheek and warm moist lips. He jerked his head around expecting to see his lover, but all he heard were the words; I love you Brian…always have and always will. It’s time to move on and you’ve found someone who will love you as I did. Don’t let him slip through your fingers. Remember life is too short. It can be gone in a single moment. Open up your heart and your life to this man. You deserve to be happy again. The gently breeze caressed his cheek once more and then it was gone.
Shaken by the fact that he thought he actually heard Christians voice, he placed the box at the bottom of the drawer before he changed his mind. He slid the drawer shut then moved to sit at the edge of the bed until his heart stopped racing.
It was time to take the next step. As he sat on the bed he made a mental list of things he had to do and when he finished he let out a deep sigh of relief. He pulled back the covers of his bed and crawled in. It had been a very emotional day and he was exhausted. Sleep came much easier as he fell into the first peaceful slumber he had known in weeks.