As much as he tried he just couldn’t make himself concentrate on anything other then the two figures  stood at the bar. When they’d walked back in together, side by side, Justin didn’t really know what to think. Part of him was happy that they hadn’t killed each other and that Brian seemed to be feeling better, but part of him felt….worried? Scared? Jealous? He was worried for Brian, that he’d get hurt again. He was scared that things were going to change and that something was happening that he wasn’t going to be a part of. And he was jealous that Brian might still have feelings for Nathan, maybe even still be in love with him, and if that was the case then would that mean that Brian stopped loving him? 

He didn’t know why, but that thought terrified him. Yes he was with Ethan now and yes it was because he gave him things that Brian couldn’t, wouldn’t, but despite everything that had been said and done he knew that Brian loved him. He’d told himself - a long with everyone else- that that wasn’t the case, that Brian had never loved him, but he’d done that to make the whole thing easier. 

He thinks maybe also to try and justify what he’d done. He would sware on pain of death that he had nothing to justify, that Brian had got exactly what he deserved, but deep down, when he really thought about it, remembered the look on his ex lovers face when he chose to leave with Ethan, he felt a sharpe stabbing pain in his chest. 

He’d been thinking about it more often lately. He’d thought that he’d feel better the more time went past. During the last weeks with Brian, when he first seriously started thinking about leaving, the guilt he’d felt was overwhelming.  It had gotten to the point where he had felt resentment towards the older man for making him feel so bad. When he’d finally made up his mind and chosen Ethan, although he felt an enormous amount of relief, he’d also felt like someone had ripped out his heart. 

That was part -hell the whole- reason why he suddenly acted like Brian was the spourn of Saten. It had just hurt too much. Although things were better with Brian now and everyone else seemed to be over the shock that even Justin had his limits, Justin himself still didn’t feel right. He didn’t regrete choosing Ethan, he and Brian could never have carried on the way they were, but time hadn’t stopped him missing him. In fact it had only seemed to make it worse. 

He tried not to think about him but that was more or less impossible, especially as he saw him almost everyday. When he’d first left and after his unsuccessful atempt to quit the diner, he’d been worried about seeing Brian. He needent have been. Brian had stopped coming. Just like that. At first Justin thought that he was just avoiding being there when he knew he’d be working. But from snipits of conversations he overheard and the gammer rays of hate Micheal still shot in his direction, he realised that Brian hadn’t been seen nor heard from by anyone. 

That’s when he stopped trying to hate the man and instead started to worry. It had gotten to the point where he had been tempted to go round to the loft himself to make sure Brian wasn’t lying face down in a pool of his own vomit. Justin’s inner drama queen always had a habbit of forcing it’s way out where Brian was concerned. Luckily for him (and his inner drama queen) Debbie seemed to be thinking a long the same lines. Justin will always be curious as to what was said between the two of them, but whatever it was it worked. Brian had been back in the diner the next day and things seemed to settle into a semi-familier pattern. 

“Well that was interesting” Justin was starled out of his thoughts by Ethan’s breath on his neck. He smelt like Beam. Something else that reminded him of Brian. He felt Ethan grind his hips into his and groned inwardly, now really wasn’t the time. 

“What was?” Justin asked innocently. Ethan chuckled against him and Justin suddenly realised that his boyfriend was probably taking emence pleasure in the events which were currently unfolding before them. “Brian ‘fuck everything’ Kinney, got fucked over himself! Don’t you think that’s the most perfectly poetic thing you’ve ever heard?”. 

Justin tried hard to keep the anger out of his voice, “Not really”. He pulled away from Ethan and started walking towards the restrooms. Getting into a conversation with his current boyfriend about his ex boyfriend’s old boyfriend was really not something Justin wanted to do right now. His thoughts and emotions were all over the place and he couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t say something that he’d regrete. 

Ethan obviously didn’t take the hint and jogged round in front of Justin. He put his hands on his chest and made him stop. The dark haired man looked hard into bright blue eyes. “Don’t tell me you actually feel sorry for him? After the way he treated you? Everything he’s done?” Justin held Ethan’s eye but didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. They both knew that it was a ritorical question. 

“I just don’t understand it. What is this thing that that man has over you? Over everyone? Its like no matter how much he screws up, no matter how shitty he is, people just forgive - without him even having to apologise. Its like everyone wears these rose tinted glasses where he’s concerned and noone can see what a selfish, arrogant, manipulative, evil son of a bitch he is!”. 

That did it. All those things Justin thought he might say that he was going to regrete were the first things that came out of his mouth. “Shut up Ethan you don’t know anything!” Ethan looked startled by the brashness of Justin’s words and the anger in his voice. “You don’t know Brian, you don’t know all the amazing things he does for the people he cares about, even though he’d never admit to any of them. You don’t know how much he loves his son, or how he thinks of  Deb as his mother, and you think Michael and Lindsy are stupid for the faith they have in him? Well that’s because they know without a doubt, that he would lay down his life for them in a second. You don’t know any of that and if you think I’m going to stand here and gloat with you over the fact that someone hurt him then you don’t know me either!”     

When Justin finally ran out of steam, he felt almost as shocked by what he’d said as Ethan looked. They stood staring at each other for a long moment. Justin felt so confused. Part of him wanted to reach out and pull his boyfriend towards him and tell him how sorry he was and that he didn’t mean any of it, and part of him wanted to turn around and walk right out the door, without looking back.  Before Justin could decide which option to go with, Ethan spoke.

“Well if that’s how you feel then why did you leave your precious Brian to be with me? Why did you sneak around with me behind his back for all that time? Why are we living together? Why don’t you just go over there and tell him how sorry you are and how much you love him and then the two of you can go off into the sunset together and live happily ever after” Ethan stopped for a moment and then looked Justin right in the eye. “Oh yeah because your beloved Brian doesn’t believe in love, well at least not with you” and with that he stormed off towards the exit leaving Justin feeling even or emotional and confused.