another perspective

Sitting in Daan’s office, Brian isn’t sure what to expect. This man wasn’t how Brian imagined the doctor to be. Daan was probably in his late fifties, if not early sixties, yet had a youthful look about it. There were laugh-lines around his mouth and eyes, and his graying hair was thick and healthy. He was tall and lean, and looked to be someone who took pride in his appearance. Brian had pictured someone, well, different. He continues to review the man in front of him, knowing full well that Daan knew what he was doing. Brian respected the fact that Daan remained silent while this observation was taking place. The older man simply sat there with a plain and polite smile on his face. It isn’t until Brian makes an unconscious nod, that Daan finally speaks, “So do I pass?” Brian smirks. Daan smiles, leaning back in his chair. “For now,” Brian admits, tongue-in-cheek. Chuckling softly, Daan nods his head. “I appreciate your honesty.” With a shrug, Brian leans back as well. The office was comfortable enough. Not to the point to evoke a nap, but definitely enough to make someone feel as if they were somewhere…safe. The colors were soft and muted, there were pillows on the sofa, and even the desk was made with a soft, brown colored wood. “I want to help them,” Brian says suddenly, and it surprises himself at how foreign his own voice sounds in this room. “That’s good to know,” Daan replies, and then says nothing more. Brian smiles softly, knowing that Daan wouldn’t divulge any answers so readily. “So,” he begins, “What can I do?” “What have you been doing so far?” He asks, again his voice is calm and absent of any judgments. Brian can see why Justin and Molly like him. “I listen. I let him vent. I tell them that I support them…” He trails off with a gesture of his hand, “I just feel like it isn’t working.” “Oh it’s working,” Daan comments, “Perhaps you just wish the effects were quicker.” Brian gives a bitter smile. He knew the man was right. “But I’m still worried.” Daan places his hands on his lap and waits for more. “Justin is sleepwalking.” He nods. “He doesn’t remember what he does while he’s doing it… but…” Sighing, Brian shakes his head, “Last night he pulled out a suitcase and started tossing my stuff into it. He said that I didn’t belong there, that I had to leave… it was pretty fucked up.” Daan’s expression remains neutral. “And what was your response?” Exhaling, Brian looks up at the ceiling, “I told him that I wasn’t leaving and that he had to wake up.” “And did he reply?” “He told me I was going to die.” Brian says casually, and then shakes his head. “It’s so fucked up. He started saying that I’d hate them if I stayed… that I’ll leave them anyways…” “Is he right?” “What?” “Is Justin right?” “Fuck no!” Brian answers angrily. “It’s just a question,” Daan replies calmly. Narrowing his eyes, Brian states, “I love him. I am not leaving him. I’m not going to resent him or hate him… I know the future is unknown right now in regards to location, but I don’t care. Like I said, I’m not leaving him.” Frustrated, he waves his hands in the air, “And I’ve fuckin’ told him that too!” “So why do you think he’s focusing on this?” Daan asks, reaching for his coffee mug. “Would you like some coffee?” Brian shrugs, “Sure,” then leans forward, “I have no idea why he’s focusing on this. I told him I’m not leaving. Consciously he knows that, right? I mean, how many fuckin’ times do I have to say it until it sticks in his brain?” Handing Brian a mug of coffee, he explains, “He’s been through a lot, Brian. Many people and things have been taken away from him, and now he has this added responsibility to be, well, a parent, to his sister, Molly. Along with that, he has yet another new role: spouse.” Brian takes a sip of his coffee, “Okay, so he’s adjusting to these new roles. I can understand that,” he remembers how Lindsay had confided in him once when Gus was born. Brian hadn’t fully understood what she was talking about when she said she was now someone different because she was a mom and had no idea what that meant… Brian wasn’t much help then because he, himself, had no idea what she meant. But now, he understood. “But that doesn’t answer everything.” “Of course not,” Daan replies, and then smiles, “That would be too easy.” “So what does Justin need?” “Exactly what you’re giving him.” “It’s not enough.” Brian replies softly. With an understanding smile, Daan delves, “Justin started having nightmares after he left you for Ethan.” Brian looks up, surprised. “They went away in time, and from Justin’s perspective, weren’t that severe. In any case, they came and went sporadically, and then after the death of his family, returned in full force.” Brian nods. “He is exhausted. Exhaustion and stress of the unknown lead to many things, including sleepwalking. He wants to do the right thing. He loves his sister. He loves you. He feels that he has to do everything right in order to make things right.” “What the fuck?” Brian interrupts. “Those are his words.” “That he has to do everything right in order to make things right?” Daan nods, “It’s common for individuals who have had severe traumas in their life to feel… well, a lack of control, and therefore, have a sudden need to control anything that they can. Justin can’t control his future. He can’t control what will happen to him when he falls asleep. He can’t control his sister from hurting, he can’t control you from risking your life for him, and so he tries to control everything else.” “Which is..?” Brian asks. “Exactly.”