It was amazing being with Brian again. Especially doing it raw. I still can't believe it. Even now as I lay in his arms. I rub my ear along his chest and can hear his heart beating as he slowly runs his fingers through my hair. His hand stills and he starts to gently snore. Kissing his chest one last time I allow sleep to claim me. 


The moonlight pours through the room and gently brings me out of sleep. Rolling over I smile. "Hi."

When I get no response my eyes open and I realize he's not in bed with me. "Brian?"

No answer. I climb out of bed and look in the bathroom. He's not there. Where the fuck is he? 

Pulling on my briefs, I look out the window and see his car is gone and there's a piece of paper taped to the door. 

"Dear Justin,

I just wanted you to know that even though tonight was incredbible, it was a one time thing. What we had together doesn't exist any more. I'm married.

Brian"

I don't buy it. If what we had doesn't exist any more why the hell would Brian fuck me without a condom? I know there is something else there and I'm going to prove it to him. 

Quick as I can I wipe myself up and with one glance around the seedy room, I throw on my clothes and shoes. Grab my half shredded coat and scarf and am out the door.


The house is dark when I get home. Glancing at the clock it reads 4:27 am. As quietly as I can I start to head upstairs when a light in the living room clicks on. It's Tim.

"You were with him, weren't you?" He asks standing up.

I feel like a deer caught in headlights.

"Does it matter?" I answer with a sigh.

"You were." He states.

Unwrapping the scarf from around my neck I take in a breath. "If you already knew, then why ask?" 

Tim closes his eyes. "I love you. So much. Maybe more then you'll ever know."

"I don't know what to say." I don't.

"Say that you were safe. Say that you at least were safe wih him." 

Opening my mouth, I notice nothing is coming out.

His mouth falls at my reaction. "You weren't? Justin I...I don't know what to do. Tell me what I do when my boyfriend has sex without a condom with his former fiance who is married for fuck sake. How do I handle that? I know on your part I was just there. Someone to take care of you, love you. But in return I atleast expected an ounce of respect. It's not like I figured you'd never fuck another guy. But at most I thought you'd use protection."

"I'm sorry." I know it's not enough but it's all I have.

He half laughs half lets out a sob. "I know. That's the sad part."

I set down my coat with tears forming in my eyes. My shoes come off next before they start pouring down my face. 

Just then a kleenex appears in front of my face, looking up I see Tucker.

"Do you ever sleep?" I try to crack a joke but it only comes out as a question.

He chuckles. "Hey, I was just going to the bathroom when I heard you and him."

"Sorry." I mumble taking the kleenex and wiping my eyes.

"Seems like you're saying that alot these days." He mentions.

Shrugging, I throw the tissue on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch. "Because that's all that I am."

He sits next to me. 

"Shouldn't you be getting back to my mother?" I try to change the subject, he knows.

"Nice try, Taylor." 

I lean my head onto the back of the couch. "It's complicated."

"You want to know about complicated. Try being 31 and having your girlfriend be a 56 year old woman. Our relationship isn't the best one on earth, but we're making it work." He adds.

"That's the difference between us. You have a relationship to make work. I don't even have that." 

He nods. "You want my advice? Let Tim go, this isn't fair to him or you. Move on with your life."

"Sounds logical doesn't it?" I agree. "Believe me Tucker that thought crosses my mind a million times a day. For some reason I can't bring myself to end it." 

"Seems like it's already ended from what I heard." 

I shrug. "It's not. You want to know why? Because Tim is a great guy and he wants to be with me so badly that he'll do anything to keep me. Even if that includes fucking Brian without a condom. I know that. That's part of the reason why. He'll never leave me and I don't have the strength to be alone. Pathetic, huh?" 

"What happened to the confidant, in your face guy I met at the gallery?" He asks.

I let out a sad laugh. "He put his career before love and fell so far down that he doesn't know if he'll ever get up."

"This isn't healthy Justin." 

"Don't I know it? But it's all I have."