This chapter is starting the changes that you all have been waiting for. Now it isn't a complete change but at least it's a start. I hope you guys like it. A big thank you to my wonderful beta Blasek5 who does so much for this story and for me. I really can't thank her enough.....SATURN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Twelve and A Half Months Later ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: As I walk into Deb’s house for Sunday dinner I can feel a difference in the atmosphere so I slow down, and that’s when I notice that they seem to be having a serious conversation. However I don’t have the slightest clue as to what it’s about so I don’t make my presence known just yet. I just stand at the edge of the wall and listen to what’s being said. “Well he was supposed to come a couple of months after the marathon,” I hear Debbie say. “We made plans and everything. But then suddenly the day before he was supposed to come he called and cancelled.” “Did he give you a reason?” Melanie asks. “He just told me something had come up at work and that he’d make some other arrangements,” she pauses and I can tell that this is all getting to her. “But so far he hasn’t been able to make it.” “And that’s not the only time that he’s done this,” Lindsey says, and that kind of intrigues me. “What do you mean?” Emmet questioned. “Since he left he’s been taking Gus for at least a week in the summer time and then as often as he can in-between.” Jeez I had no idea that they spent so much time together. “But this summer he said that work was too heavy and that he couldn’t take him and whenever I tried to reschedule with him he’d always say ‘Not yet but as soon as I get some free time I’ll let you know.’” she ends with and I wonder if he’s trying to cut himself out of their lives because of me. “But he still calls all the time even more so then he used to, and he always sounds so horrible about not being able to spend some time with Gus.” Okay maybe not. “Ya he was disappointed when he called and cancelled with me for this week, but still it just seems really odd.” Emmet says, and I have to say I agree with him. This just doesn’t sound like Justin at all. I mean he loves being with Gus and the family, especially since he moved away. I know he has to be missing them, so why is it that he keeps cancelling on them. “Have you cancelled your flight for tomorrow?” Debbie asks, and I think I know where she’s taking this. “No I just got the call on my way over here so I haven’t had a chance to cancel it yet,” Emmet replies. “Why?” “Maybe you should just go ahead and fly out there.” Good idea Deb, it’s exactly what I would’ve suggested. “At least this way you could find out exactly what’s going on with him.” “Oh I don’t know Deb,” Em sounds like he isn’t quite sure though, but Deb cuts him off before he can make any excuses against going to check up on him. “Look Emmet I wouldn’t ask you do this, but I’m really worried about him. You’re right when you say this just isn’t like him. So I’m wondering if he’s okay.” She does sound worried, and everything is so quiet now and I wonder what Emmet is going to do. “Please Emmet.” Deb asks again. “Alright, but I really don’t think he’s going to be happy about me dropping in on him like this.” Ah I knew Debbie could get Emmet to give in, and I’m sure everything’s fine with Justin but it’s good to send Emmet just in case. At least it’ll put everyone’s mind at ease. “If he gives you any problems just tell him that I made you do it,” Deb says sounding a lot lighter now. “After that he should be fine. After all he knows just how relentless I can be until I get my way.” And God is she telling the truth. “Hey Brian,” I hear Mikey say behind me and I slightly jump from the surprise. “Where have you been?” Damn him for starting the inquisition already. So instead of looking his way I figure I might try my hand in the living room, so I move in and everyone is looking a little freaked. “Hey Brian,” Deb says trying to sound excited but not really making it. “You just get here?” So that’s why everyone is freaked. “Yeah, I was just putting up my jacket up when Mikey walked in,” I say without hesitation, because I don’t want them to know I was ease dropping. “So is dinner ready?” Please let it be ready. I really don’t want to be answering any more questions about anything. “Yeah we were just waiting for everyone to get here,” Deb says sounding a bit relieved actually. But then she just kinda stands there, not doing anything. “Well, shall we?” I ask slowly. “Oh, yeah.” she says seemingly coming out of her little world. “Alright everyone, let’s go.” As everyone finally moves off to the kitchen I see my son sitting in the middle of the room, but before Melanie can get him I step in. “I got him,” I say and pick him up throwing him in the air and catching him. I hear Melanie actually laughing as she moves off to the kitchen and even though we have somewhat come to an understanding, I still expect to hear her snotty ass comments all the time, but I have to say it has become less and less of an issue. “How’s my Sonny boy?” I ask him putting him down so he can walk to the table. “I’m good, but I miss Justin.” he says sounding sad, and I swear it I am having this sudden feeling of protectiveness and I really want to have some words with Justin, because he shouldn’t be doing this to Gus. No matter what is going on with him, he should always make the time to see him. “I’m sorry big guy,” I say as I sit him down in his seat, and even though I know the whole table is listening to me I still try my best to comfort him, “but I’m sure you’ll get to see him soon.” I say as I sit next to him, and it puts a smile back on his face so I guess I said the right thing. And I will just have to make sure that it happens for Gus. Even if I have to call Justin and straighten him out myself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: ~~~~~~~~~~~ The Next Day ~~~~~~~~~~~ I can hear someone knocking on the door but I figure that Trent can get it if they keep on going, or they’ll just leave. I’m personally hoping for the latter. I just really don’t want to see anyone right now. I haven’t slept but I am really trying to. It’s just that my body hurts so much that I can’t. I just can’t . . . but God do I wish I could. I really wonder sometimes how the hell all this happened. I mean shit no one could’ve told me that this would be the consequence of my stress level, insomnia, and depression. And even if they did I would’ve never believed them. “Jus,” I hear Trent say softly, and even though he wants an answer if I’m awake I just really don’t want to move right now. My head it feels like it may explode if I do, so I just stay still. “Hey, you awake still?” he asks when he kneels at my side. This must be important for him to come in and ask me again so I open my eyes just slightly. “You have a visitor,” he says and I crinkle my brow a bit to indicate that he should keep going. “Emmet’s here.” Damn it I told him not to come. But now that he’s here I have no choice but to see him, and now he’s going to know. I didn’t want this. I close my eyes and fight back the tears I feel behind my eyes, and when I feel them reseed I reopen them. “Are you going to be okay to see him?” he asks looking worried as usually, but he knows me to well for me to fool him. “Yeah . . . but could you help me sit up?” I see him staring at me looking for a sign of just how much pain I’m in, but Emmet’s here and I can’t just turn him away. “It’ll be alright.” I say to reassure him because I know that if he thinks I am in too much pain he’ll turn anyone away. I watch him nod his head and stand up. I feel him moving my other pillows so that they’re behind me. “Okay,” he says kneeling back in front of me. “You ready?” he asks softly, and I take a second to get ready for what I know is going to be even more pain than I am in now before I slightly nod my head, and when I do he puts his arms under mine and around my back and slowly starts to lift me up. “Mm, ahhh! Wait,” I say when the pain shoots straight through my back and becomes too much. “Okay tell me when you’re ready,” Trent says into my ear, and I know that just doing this is hurting him, so I push the pain down as far as I can and nod my head once more for him to go, and he does slowly and as carefully as he can, but it hurts so much. I however bite my lip and take it. When he’s got me back against the pillows all I can do is sit back and close my eyes. I just need to try and let the pain settle some. “Here,” Trent says and I know he’s got some more pills for me that don’t work, but he still insist that I take them. So without opening my eyes I just open my mouth. My arms are just too tired to move them. He places them into my mouth and I open my eyes to see the glass coming my way. When I’m done taking them I lay my head back again. “Okay so I’m going to go get Emmet now...” “Hey,” I hear Emmet says softly before Trent can finish his sentence, and I swear I can feel the anxiety attack coming, but I try and breath through it. When I open my eyes a few seconds later Trent has stepped to my side but Emmet is still standing at the door, so I smile at him to try and ease his discomfort. “Come in Em,” I say softly because my head still feels like it’ll explode if there is anything in a higher pitch. “I’m sorry that I just came in,” he says looking guilty so I shake my head slightly to let him know it’s okay. “It just sounded like you were in pain and I...” he trails off as he sits down on the side of my bed. “It’s alright Em. Don’t worry about it,” I say to him and then I look to Trent. “Could you give us a few minutes?” “Sure,” he says with a soft smile. “I have to get to work, but are you sure you don’t need anything before I go?” “No I’m good.” I say with a soft smile of my own. “Alright, well I’ll be back after work....” He started, but I cut him off. “Why don’t you go out and have some fun tonight?” I tell him because seriously, he hasn’t been doing anything lately but taking care of me and I just really hate that. “Jus we’ve already talked about this,” he says shaking his head. “I know what we’ve talked about, but Emmett here can help me,” I tell him and then I look to Emmett to see if he’ll agree to it because shit I didn’t even think about that. “Will you?” “You know I’ll always help you sweetie,” Em says grabbing my hand and squeezing it softly but still it was too much for me and I immediately take my hand away. “Oh I’m sorry.” Emmett says looking worried, but I shake my head. “It’s okay,” I tell him. “I really don’t think this is such a good idea,” Trent says shaking his head as well. “It’s a perfect idea Trent,” I say in a tone that will let him know that I wont take no for an answer. “Em and I have a ton of catching up to do.” “I promise to take the best care of him,” Emmett says with a smile, and I smile with him. “Alright, but if you need me for anything my number is in Justin’s cell phone,” he says to Emmett and so Emmett looks to him and stands up putting his arm around Trent’s shoulder and moving him towards the door. “I will not let anything happen to him,” Emmett says seriously. “I swear to you.” and when they get to the door Emmett stops and Trent turns to me. “I know you wont,” he says softly. “I just worry that’s all.” “I know sugar, but everything is going to be just fine.” Emmett says giving him what I know is a much-needed hug, and when they pull away Trent looks to me. “I love you,” he says as usual. “Ditto.” I say and watch him smile before he finally turns and goes to work. Hmm that was a lot of work and now I have to explain all of this to Emmett, I’m not looking forward to it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two Days Later ~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Hey Bri,” Ted says sticking his head through my office door. “Do you think I could talk to you for a minute?” “Sure come on in,” I say as I finally close up the folder to the account I have been working on. “What’s up?” I ask as he sits down. “I need to take a couple of days off,” he says sounding a little nervous. “And why’s that?” “Well Emmett just called me and said that he needs my help.” Emmett needs his help? He’s with Justin. Something must be wrong. “With some out of town business.” “I thought Emmett was taking some time off this week?” I say trying to get him to leak some information out with out me actually having to ask. “Where did you hear that?” he asks suspiciously, and that’s when I realize that I’m not supposed to know anything about Emmett’s business. “I think I heard it from Mikey,” I say but it sounds more like a question than anything else. “Mikey didn’t know anything about this.” He knows. “You know, don’t you?” he asks me with furrowed brows. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “You heard us talking about Justin on Sunday,” he gets up from his chair and stands over me a bit. “You were ease dropping...” He sounds so full of himself right now that I just want to smack it out of him. “Fine I heard you guys talking,” I say standing up because I hate it when people stand over me like that. “But I wasn’t ease dropping I was just waiting for you guys to finish your conversation.” “You really expect me to believe that line of shit?” he asks folding his arms over his chest. “Believe what you want,” I say lifting my shoulders. “I could care less.” “Hunh?” he says shaking his head, and I am wondering what he’s thinking but I am not about to ask him. “So you want to go play with Emmett and Justin for a couple of days?” Figuring that this is why he wants the time off. “Justin’s not doing so good Brian,” Ted says in such a way that I know this is bad, and the way he’s looking at me makes my knees feel weak, so I decide I better sit down for the rest of this. “What’s happened?” I ask as I sit down in my chair. “I’m not all to sure of that myself,” Ted says sitting back down as well. “Emmett just called sounding so scared and worried. Saying that Justin was in so much pain and he didn’t know what to do. So he asked me to come.” “That’s it? That’s all he said?” I ask incredulously. “Sorry but that’s all he said.” “Fine,” I say grabbing my briefcase and my cell phone along with my laptop. “I guess I’ll just have to make a trip down there to see for myself.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: See I knew it was going to be a bad week. That’s why I told Emmett not to come here. But damn him for not listening to me. He’s had to put up with a lot, but so far I think he’s handling it quite nicely. I just hope that he can keep his promise about not telling anyone about this. I just feel so... you know the only word I can come up with is ashamed. I know I shouldn’t be and that this isn’t something I can help, but I do and I can’t help it. But anyways it’s really besides the point cause I really don’t think that Em would ever say anything. Em has been really helpful the last couple of days, cause it ended up that Trent had been putting off a business trip to help me. Now I didn’t find that out from him, but from Emmett when I asked him if Trent had come by yesterday when I was sleeping or something. That’s when I was told about the lengths that Trent has been going to, to help take care of me. I really wish, like so many times in the past year, that the situation was different. But the situation I am in now is never going to change, and I guess I am still fighting against that fact. Yesterday was a really bad day though. So bad in fact that I had to go to the emergency room. I just hurt so much and I couldn’t take the pain anymore. None of the pills I was taking were helping at all, and the headache I was having was too much to take. And then on top of all that I hadn’t slept in almost two days. So I had to have Emmett take me to the emergency room. Now I hate the hospital but there was a plus side to all of it, they gave me some really good drugs. Some that made me just pass out. Which I am eternally grateful for at this point, ‘cause did I need some sleep. I look towards my clock and notice that it’s a little after five in the afternoon and I guess that I should get up now. I have after all been asleep for over fifteen hours and I really have to pee. My body feels half way descent and I think I can make it there on my own. So I throw the blankets off and slowly sit myself up. My headache is almost gone now and I think that as long as I don’t start to stress over anything today that I should be good. But hell I never know anymore with this thing. I dangle my feet over the edge of the bed and I can feel the pain so I sit there and let it settle for a minute before I push myself up. When I’m standing I hold onto the bedside table to get my bearings, and when I do I slowly make my way towards the bathroom. After I finish relieving myself I figure I’ll go ahead and go out to the kitchen and see what I’ve got to eat. I haven’t eaten in a couple of days and I’m starving. However my plan isn’t as well thought out because my legs start to feel like they are giving out on me when I reach the door. “Em,” I call out, because I don’t want to go back to my bed and I really don’t think I can make it out to the living room on my own. “Could you help me out?” I close my eyes and I know I can do this. He’s coming right now I can hear him walking this way. “What are you doing out of bed?” No, no this can’t be right. It’s just my imagination. “Let me help you.” I look up as I feel a familiar arm go around my waist and it is. It’s Brian. “Where’s Emmett?” I ask trying to hold back my anger and tears while I try my best to hold onto the frame of the door. “He went out to get us some food,” Brian says calmly and softly. “You have nothing in your fridge.” He’s acting as if nothings ever happened, as if this is all completely natural. “Now let’s get you back to bed.” he says trying to lead me that way, but I hold tight to the door frame and start to push myself off towards the living room. “I got it,” I say trying to remove his arm from around me, but he holds tight. “Did you wanna sit out in the living room?” he asks so sweetly too, and it’s kinda freaking me out. “What am I saying? Of course you do. You’re probably sick of sitting in your room.” What the fuck is going on? “I can get it.” I say when he tries to help me move towards the couch, but damn my knees for being weak right now, because as I take a couple of steps I have to grab for the wall again. I feel Brian trying to put his arm back around my waist but right as I am reaching to remove it the door opens up and thank God Emmett is back. “Hey,” Emmett says sounding a bit worried and I bet I know exactly why. “Could you help me out here Emmett?” I say just barely holding back my anger. He very quickly puts down the bags and comes to my side taking me out of Brian’s arms and bringing me into his side. “Are you going to the couch?” Emmett asks me. “Yeah I was trying to help him...” Brian starts but I cut him off. “If you could just take me back to my room please.” I say not even looking in Brian’s direction because I think I am going to blow a gasket right about now if I do. Plus I am really trying to hold back an anxiety attack, which I may be to late to do, because I feel my breathing picking up and my heart beat rising and the pain in my chest is horrible. Oh yeah, I’m fucked on this one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: Well I knew he wasn’t going to want me here but damn he’s never been this cold towards me before. Just the way he looked at me, and the fact that he’d probably at this point crawl before he accepted my help is a good indicator as well. “Oh God Brian!” I hear Emmett yell and I throw open Justin’s bedroom door to find Justin on the floor and Emmett just barely holding onto him. “What happen?” I ask as I slide on the floor next to them, taking Justin out of Emmett’s arms and back into mine. He’s shaking so badly and sweating. “I don’t know all the sudden he just collapsed,” Emmett says with tears streaming down his face. “Justin!” I say loudly holding him back just a bit so I can look into his face. However he’s not responding so I yell a little louder, “Justin!” Which seems to get his attention ‘cause he’s opening up his eyes now but his gaze seems distant. “Brian?” I hear Emmett say but I can’t deal with him right now. “What do we do?” but since he sounds so freaked I quickly look his way before I figure out the first thing we should do and go straight to it. “Hurry up and fix his bed,” I tell him as I lift Justin into my arms. I hold him tight as I wait for Emmett to finish and when he is I gently put Justin into bed. “Where’s his pills?” I ask turning around to face Emmett. “Um,” he says looking lost. “Emmett!” I don’t have the patience for this right now, and Justin is hurting. “Where’s his pills?” I say a bit slower. “Here,” he says yanking open Justin’s bedside table drawer, and my god does he really need all these pills? There must be at least fifteen bottles in here. Fuck, this is worse than I thought. What is going on with him? “What should we give him?” “He’s having a major anxiety attack. So,” I start to sort through the pill bottles bringing them out one by one until I find the one I’m looking for. “This should do it.” “What is it?” “Lorazepam.” I take the pill out then sit next to Justin. I lift him up with my hand behind his neck. “Justin? Wake up for me Jus,” I say soothingly, while I rub the back of his neck. When he opens his eyes I show him the pill. “I need you to take this for me. Okay?” When he nods his head a bit, I slip the pill into his mouth, and grab the glass of water that’s sitting on the table so he can drink it down. But while I know this is going to help him, I also know that it’s going to take a bit before it kicks in. So I climb in the bed beside him and take him into my arms. He feels a bit cold so I grab for the sheets but I can’t reach them from here. “I’ll get it,” Em says and the next thing I know Justin and I are being covered up in the softest sheets I’ve ever felt, these are better than mine. He always said he wanted softer sheets, I just always thought mine were the best. I guess I was wrong. I’ve been wrong about a lot of things when it comes to him though, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. “I’m going to stay with him for awhile,” I say softly to Emmett because I know he’s still standing off to the side. “Of course,” he says just as softly, and I nod my head to let him know I heard him. “If you need anything just holler.” I don’t say anything but I know he knows I will. When I hear the door close and I know we’re all alone I run my hand under his shirt and start to rub small circles on his back. He’s still shaking but not as badly as he was so I know the pill is starting to work. But now that I am finally able to take a good look at him I notice the dark circles around his eyes and the fact that he’s lost weight is apparent in his face as well as in the fact that he felt like a feather when I picked him up a few minutes ago. It really is making me wonder what the last year has been like for him. It has to have been like hell. He seems so very different in so many ways. Not just this condition but in his mannerisms. The way he looked at me, and pulled away from me. Not to mention the fact that I am more than sure that I am the reason for this anxiety attack, and I just never thought I would be the cause for him to go into one. Never in a million years would I have thought that. I’m actually scared that I may not be able to fix this, and there is so much I am finding that I want to fix here. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: My head, it hurts and that is the reason that I am coming out of an otherwise peaceful sleep. “Mmmm,” oh God it hurts. I try and relieve some of the pain by putting some pressure against it with my hand, and although it does work it nowhere near takes it all away. So I reach over to the night stand and end up dropping a couple of bottles off the top. I wonder what those were doing there. But really I don’t care so I go ahead and open the drawer and search for the bottle I need, but I’m not finding it. Damn it, it must have been one of the ones I knocked off the stand. “Shit,” this bed is too big for me to lean over and pick up the bottles so I scooch over to the side of the bed so at least I can see just how far the bottle is. “Jus,” I hear Emmett say from the door and I look over and remember just why I probably have this particular headache. Brian’s here. “Are you feeling any better?” he asks coming in and picking up the bottles as he comes to the bed. “I don’t know that depends,” I say and when he looks to me with furrowed brows I continue. “Is Brian still here?” “Yes,” he answers. However the look of guilt on his face had already answered my question. I lye myself back because seriously I don’t have the first clue of how to take care of this huge problem. “I’m so sorry Justin, he just showed up...” “And why would he just show up Em?” because seriously I don’t think he’d come within a hundred miles of me unless he was suckered into it, or maybe they guilted him into it. I’m just not sure which method Em used. “I swear I don’t know...” “I think you know exactly why he came,” I tell him pinning him with a look I have perfected over the last few years. “Now I want you to tell me exactly what happened.” “I called Teddy, yesterday.” Oh I’m going to fucking kill Ted. “I know I promised you I wouldn’t tell anyone but after the hospital and everything I was just so scared.” he says just barely holding back his tears, and I know that all of this is very overwhelming and that he walked in on such a very bad time that I can’t really blame him for being scared out of his mind. “It’s alright Em,” I say letting my anger go, at least for him telling Ted. However my anger for Ted isn’t going anywhere any time soon. “No I should’ve never said anything...” he starts to berate himself but I stop that talk. “I know it’s scary, and that’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone worrying about me.” “Justin you can’t do this on your own, it’s to much.” I smile at how protective he is with me. It’s so sweet. “I’m not alone though Em, I have Trent. He helps me whenever he can,” “But that’s not enough Jus, he has work and, and trips.” Okay now he’s just freaking out. “It’s alright. I always manage. It’s what I’m good at.” I insist. “But don’t you see Justin?” he says taking my hands into his. “You’re not managing it, instead it’s eating you up inside.” I know he’s right, but either way it doesn’t change my situation. So I guess I will just have to convince him with another reason, so I sit myself up. “I am doing everything I can to get this under control. They just haven’t found the right combination of medication. But when they do this will all be a lot different. This is all going to be okay.” “And when are they going to find the right combination?” he asks angrily, and I have to say I know exactly how he feels. “Because from what I’ve seen they are so way off the mark, it’ll take a whole other year before they’re close, and you can’t keep living like this. By yourself with only one person to help you and that’s only when he’s not working or whatever else...” “Emmett, this is all besides the point,” I say losing my patience with him a bit. “This is just how it is, and you’re going to have to accept that.” “But I can’t Justin,” he says finally losing his battle against the tears. “I love you to much to let you live like this.” Oh I can’t fight over this anymore, my head hurts to damn much. “Listen Em can we fight about this later? My head really hurts and I’d really like to take a pill and eat something.” I say grabbing the bottle that I need and taking a pill from it. “Oh yes of course you have to be starving, you haven’t even eaten since I got here.” he hands me the glass of water that I am really hoping is fresh so I can take my pill. “Do you want to go out to the living room?” “Yeah, I’d really like that.” I just can’t stand looking at these four walls anymore right now. Plus I might as well deal with Brian right now and get it over with. “Okay let’s get you up.” Emmett says getting up and putting the glass back on the side table. “That’s okay Em I got it this time.” I throw the covers back and sit off to the side; there is just no way I am going to show any kind of weakness in front of Brian if at all possible. So I stand up and push every ounce of pain I can down as I get my bearings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: Emmet’s been in there a very long time, and I am really trying my best not to interrupt them but I am starting to lose the battle. I mean I thought I’d be fine when Emmett asked me to wait out here but now, I don’t think I can. I hate not knowing what’s going on with him, I mean we heard things falling and then as we went to the door I could vaguely hear swishing of some sort. And now I’m stuck out here pacing the floor going nuts. “I am going to make you the best fried chicken, you’ve ever tasted in your life.” I hear Emmett says and I find myself suddenly frozen to the spot. I can’t move. “That sounds perfect,” I hear Justin say and he sounds a lot better. I think. “And how does mashed potatoes, gravy and biscuits sound to top it all off?” Emmett sounds so excited. “Perfect.” he says as they turn the corner and come into view, and then he see’s me and just stops. “Okay,” Emmett says snapping us both out of our gazes, as we turn to look at him. “I’m gonna go get that started. So just give me a call if you need me.” he ends and takes off towards the kitchen. “So what do you think of the place?” Justin asks me after an awkward minute of silence, and I’m surprised with the casual nature of the question. “It’s great,” I say and watch as he slowly walks past me and I follow behind him. “Love your kitchen.” he half looks towards me without stopping his walk to what I assume is the couch. “I think I’ve heard that somewhere before.” he says with a bit of laughter as he sits down on the couch. “Have a seat,” he says as I make it to the side of the couch. So I do, feeling a bit nervous actually as to how this conversation is going to go and at the same time wondering just how I want the conversation to go. “So Brian,” he says bringing me out of my reverie. “Why are you here?” Simple question you’d think, right? But the problem is the answer. I don’t know it. “Cause you made yourself more than clear the last time we saw each other, that, that wasn’t something you wanted to happen again.” Now I know what I said but I have never been fully okay with that idea and even if I only admit this in my head I’ve been debating my decision. “Now I have held up my end, but for this to work you’re going to have to hold up your end,” he says simply and calmly with absolutely no emotion what so ever, and I’m finding this all so disturbing. “Listen,” I say trying to get some control over this conversation. “Emmett has tried to fill me in on what’s going on, but he couldn’t really give me the full picture.” “I’m sure whatever Emmett has told you is more than you need to know,” what the fuck is up with him? “No, what Emmett told me is no where near all I need to know.” I know I shouldn’t be losing my patience with him, especially not now but he is so infuriating with the way he’s talking to me right now. “All he’s really told me is that you have something that’s causing you pain. Now how in the world is that enough?” “That’s easy Brian, we’re not in each others lives anymore,” he says as if we were never anything to each other. “Now let’s act like It.” he says so condescendingly. “You know just the buttons to push to piss me off the most, and you use them so flawlessly,” I say sitting back down beside him. “How do you do that?” I ask truly perplexed. “I learned from the best,” he says lifting his brow briefly. “And another dig.” I’m sort of in awe over all this. “You’ve gotten good.” “A compliment from the master, how sweet.” Or maybe he’s just gotten mean. Did I do this to him? Is this how he is? Either way it doesn’t matter. “Tell me what’s going on Justin.” I demand not so lightly. “I think it’s time for you to go.” is his reply. “Now Sunshine you know me well enough to know that, that isn’t going to happen,” I say standing up and strolling over to his wet bar. “Do you mind?” I ask, however I don’t wait for his response as I pick up the Beam bottle and pour some into a glass. “Not at all,” he says and I give him a small smile. “As a matter of fact you can keep it for the trip home. I can always buy more.” I find myself laughing a bit at his persistence. “I’m not going anywhere Sunshine,” I say taking a pull from my glass and only wincing a little bit from the burn, which surprises me since I haven’t been drinking all that often anymore. But I digress, because what I really need to be focusing on is getting him to tell me what’s really going on. “I beg to differ, because I listened to you when you said to leave you alone. When you said you didn’t want anything to do with me I listened to you.” he’s starting to show his emotions at least. But he immediately stops himself so I’m pretty sure he realized this as well. Maybe he thinks he’s said too much, I however don’t think he’s said nearly enough. “Which was extremely surprising I might add,” I say with a bit of sarcasm. “You said me just showing up wasn’t acceptable and yet here you are, just showing up,” he’s starting to open up a bit more, that’s good. “Go home Brian.” Now that’s not so good. “I know what I said Justin.” How do I get out of this one? I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. That I didn’t have something prepared for this. “But things change.” “No, things don’t change with us... ever.” He’s getting more agitated. “I can see how you’d think that, but in this case you’d be wrong.” Just let it go Justin. “Well then I’d love to hear how I’m wrong on this subject,” he says while acting completely disinterested. “I know why you came.” I simply say hoping he’ll get why I’m here. “That’s it?” he asks looking almost confused. “Yes.” he has to get this. “Okaay,” he drags out the word. “Now while I am glad that you know why I came,” he still looks confused. “That still doesn’t cover why you’re here.” and even though he’s asking this he still doesn’t seem to interested in the answer. But I know, that somewhere in there he is very interested in why I’m here. I know I was always interested in why he’d show up. “My reasons are my own,” I say and he starts to laugh. “You know, what ever happened to the sweet waspy Justin we all used to know?” I finally ask the question that’s been circling in my head. “Who the fuck cares what happened to him?” he says incredulously. “I care!” and apparently that got to me a bit more than I had planned. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: “I have no idea what the fuck you’re playing at,” I say completely losing it with him after that little outburst. “But I want you out of my house. Now.” I angrily say but with a calm I absolutely don’t feel before I get up and go back to my room slamming the door behind me, and the pounding in my head is telling me maybe I shouldn’t have done that. I sit down on my bed, and the only thing other than pain that is going through my head, is the fact that I am completely overwhelmed. I literally don’t know which way is up. Why is he here? Is it just to see me at my lowest? To see me in pain? To maybe get back at me for forcing myself in his life on any given occasion? I just don’t know and I just can’t deal. I can’t deal with his mind games anymore. Suddenly the front door slams and I feel a little relieved that he’s gone, however the fact that I am only feeling relieved a little bit is very confusing. I mean I should be elated the he’s gone that I won’t have to deal with him anymore, but I’m not. Deep down though I know the answer as to why I want him here with me. I just hate admitting it, even to myself anymore. I hate myself for still loving this man, for not being able to let him go from my heart. However what I want and what I feel is irrelevant. It always has been with him it seems. I just wish my heart would catch onto this very huge fact and leave me in peace. But I guess in life there are just some things and some people that will always have a hold on you in some way. “Ah,” this is ridiculous. He’s gone now, and I need to just push it all back again. And what I really need is to get the hell out of this room for a bit, so I stand up and make my way to the kitchen and sit down on my wooden stools. See I always loved the way a raised table with stools looked so when I got this place that’s what I got, and I love them. “Hey Em,” I say gaining Emmett’s attention with a smile. “Well hello gorgeous,” he says with his goofy grin. I just love that little gap in his front teeth it really works for him. “I’m glad you’re here you can be my guinea pig.” “Oh good, ‘cause I’m starving,” I say as he hands me a leg of golden fried chicken. “I don’t doubt it,” I take a bite of the chicken and he’s right it is the best chicken I’ve ever tasted. “What do you think, too spicy?” he asks looking worried. “Oh God no Em,” I say when I finish the bite. “It’s the best I’ve ever tasted.” I say taking another bite. “I’m glad you like, I was a little worried I put to much spice into the mix.” he says removing some more chicken from the pan, and then checking in the oven before he pulls out a big sheet full of biscuits. “It’s perfect, and those smell delicious,” I say staring at the biscuits. “Go ahead and try one, they’re after all best right out of the oven.” I take a biscuit and put it down on the table so I can get some butter, and honey. “So was that Brian leaving just a little while ago?” Emmett asks casually while he puts some more chicken in the pan. “Yes,” I say without going into detail. “Can I try the mashed potatoes yet?” “No not yet I still have to mash them,” he says grabbing my hand held blender to do just that I suppose. “Did he tell you why he came?” “Emmett, please,” I say hoping he will leave this alone. “What?” he asks, lifting his shoulders. “I just thought you’d like to discuss it that’s all.” now I love Em, but I really don’t want to discuss this. I just want to forget about it. “Let’s just leave it alone okay?” “If that’s what you want,” “That’s what I want.” I say and we move the conversation on to what everyone has been up to lately and of course all the new gossip from Liberty Ave. after he finishes making dinner we sit at the table eating and talking and laughing about nothing in particular. When we finish eating we go out to the living room and watch a couple of movies, including an old Betty Davis movie that was on A&E. It was really a lot of fun and something we hadn’t done since before I moved into Brian’s place. God it seems almost a lifetime ago since then. About ten o’clock Emmett seems to be in a losing battle cause he can’t seem to stop yawning so I decide we should both try and get some sleep. “Good night Em,” I say giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Goodnight sweetie, see you tomorrow.” he says going to the guest bedroom as I make my way to my bedroom, so I can try to get some sleep as well. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: After leaving Justin’s place I had a cab take me straight to the airport. I figured fuck all of this trouble, if he wanted me gone so badly I should just leave, however when I got to the teller to buy my ticket I just couldn’t do it. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t. Well I guess that’s not completely true, I just couldn’t leave knowing that Justin was in so much pain. So I sat myself in the bar and tried to drink to give myself the courage to leave Justin, however that didn’t work either. In fact it made it all much more clear in the reason of why I should stay, so the next thing I knew I was hailing a cab and heading back to Justin’s. Now I’m standing at his door trying to prepare myself for round two. Finally after a few minutes I take a deep breath and knock on the door. It’s late so I’m hoping Justin will already be in bed and that Emmett will be the one who answers the door, and it seems I’m in luck because when the door opens I thankfully see Emmett standing on the other side, rubbing his eyes and squinting at me with confusion. “Brian? What are you doing back?” “I couldn’t leave,” I say hoping he’ll let me back in. The first time was pretty easy actually, but I think that was just because he was still so overwhelmed with everything Justin was going through. But this time he’s seen Justin’s reaction to having me here so I’m not to sure he’ll be so willing this time. “Brian,” he says looking at me apologetically, so I interrupt his, refusal. “Look Em, I know this is going to sound unbelievable coming from me but you have to believe me,” he bites his lip and leans his head towards the side. “I can’t leave, I tried but I just couldn’t leave knowing he is in some much pain. I have to be here with him.” he stares at me and I’m not sure what he’s looking for but he must have found it because he holds the door open wider and let’s me back inside, but stops me with a hand on my chest as I start to move past him. “Don’t make me regret this Brian,” he says in a tone I have never heard him use before, and to tell you the truth it kind of scares me. “I wont.” I say, looking him in the eye so he knows I’m not lying. He nods his head and removes his hand and lets me go the rest of the way to the couch. There is only one guest room and Emmett has that one. “Here you go,” Emmett says handing me some blankets and a pillow. “Thanks.” “Try and get some sleep.” he says heading back to his room. After I get the couch made I lye down and fall into a restless sleep, that doesn’t last long. I figured it was going to be hard to sleep though so I’m not surprised. What I really want to do more than sleep right now is to go see Justin so I get up and make my way to his room. I open the door softly as to not make any noise that could wake him but when I look up my heart literally jumps out of my chest, as I see a half naked guy getting into bed with Justin. My whole body seems to snap into action as I find myself grabbing the guy by the neck and shoving him against the wall... hard. “How the fuck did you get in here?” I grind out in between clenched teeth. The guy is having a hard time answering me though since I am squeezing around his throat so hard and just barely letting his feet touch the ground, but I can’t seem to make myself loosen it, even though he’s clawing at my hands and arms. “Please,” the guy sputters and chocks on his words, good the fucker deserves the pain. “Answer me!” I yell at him slamming his head against the wall. “Holy shit!” I hear Justin yell, but I don’t take my eyes off this piece of shit. “Brian, No!” I hear him yell, but obviously he doesn’t see that this guy broke in here and was climbing into bed with him to do God knows what. “He broke in here and was climbing into bed to do god knows what to you Justin. He has to pay.” I say squeezing a little harder. “Let him go Brian it’s okay,” he says grabbing at my hands trying to make me let him go. “This is Trent for fucks sake!” Oops. I quickly let him go though, grabbing him by the arms before he can fall to the floor and helping him to the bed, where he lyes back gasping and still chocking a bit. “It’s okay, just calm down.” Justin says soothingly as he climbs into the bed beside him running his hands through Trent’s hair, which makes me feel confusingly jealous. I mean Justin said they are just friends after all. “You’re okay now.” “Water,” Trent says with a raspy tone. “Brian go get him some water.” Justin says calmly without looking to me. Damn I fucked up. I better just go get the water. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: I can’t believe Brian did this. He could’ve killed him for fucks sake. “I’m so sorry Trent,” I say when he finally looks at me with some resemblance of calm. “It’s alright,” he says shaking his head and sitting up. “No it’s not,” “He was just trying to protect you Jus,” he says rubbing his throat softly. “He shouldn’t even be here,” I say looking closely at his throat to see the damage. “Why is he here?” he asks looking at me. “Long story short, Emmett told Ted, Ted told Brian. The rest I haven’t figured out quite yet,” I say shaking my head slightly. This is all so fucked up. “So that’s Brian Kinney?” “The one and only.” “I can see why you can’t resist him,” he says with raised eyebrows. “Shut the fuck up,” I say shoving him. “Now when did you get back?” “About an hour ago,” he says sitting back against the headboard. “But I wanted to come and see you.” “I’m glad you came,” I say with a smile. “So how was your trip?” I ask but before he can answer we hear the door creak open and both look in that direction to see Brian carrying a glass of water. “I’m really sorry for... you know,” Brian says handing the cup over to Trent. “Trying to kill me?” Trent says but I can tell he’s just messing around. “When I came in here and saw you I just... I freaked I guess,” Brian says apologetically. “I figured,” Trent says with amusement. I can’t believe he thinks this funny. “I would’ve done the same thing seeing a half naked man getting into Justin’s bed in the middle of the night.” he says with a smile. “Still I’m sorry,” Brian says and he does sound sincere. “It’s late,” I say looking to Brian. “We should all get some sleep, we can talk tomorrow.” “You’re right,” Brian says and I know by the way he’s looking at me that he knows exactly what it is that I want to talk about. “I’ll see you in the morning.” he says looking at first me then Trent. He seems a little unsure of leaving us together, but then as I realize who I’m talking about he’s probably just wanting to fuck Trent. Finally he moves towards the door as I turn to look back at Trent. I wait to hear the door click though before I say anything else. “Scoot over you’re on my side,” I say and watch him smile before he scoots. “Are you even tired anymore?” he asks and I know he has to be tired after such a long trip and it’s about three in the morning so I nod my head and tell him yes, even though with all the excitement and knowing that Brian is here again completely threw me into overdrive. I know he needs his sleep, and if he knows I’m not tired he’ll force himself to stay awake with me. I learned that one early on. When we get into bed we face each other and he yawns. “It’s been a long day,” he says tiredly. “I know how you feel,” “I bet. How long has he been here anyways?” “Two days. I actually thought he left earlier, but I guess I was wrong.” “Do you want me to get rid of him?” he asks seriously and I find myself chuckling. “If Brian doesn’t want to do something, he doesn’t do it.” “I’m sure I can get him to go,” he says and I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know that if I told Trent that’s what I wanted he’d somehow make it happen. “If that’s what you want.” ~~~~~~~~~~~ Authors Notes ~~~~~~~~~~~ Hey everyone I hope you all liked this chapter. Now I know I didn’t explain Justin’s condition, and that was on purpose. The explanation will come but like in most of my stories I want the readers to find out just as the lead character which is Brian in this case finds out. But don’t worry the explanation will come in the next chapter. Sorry to keep you all guessing I know I’m just annoying in that area, but I hope it’ll all be worth it in the end for you.........SATURN