I have to thank Blasek5 for doing such a fantastic job with this and all the other chapters. She really made sure that this story stayed in line. I hope you all like this chapter, I'd love to hear whatcha think.
When I wake up, I am tightly wrapped in Brian’s arms. It’s been way too long since I have felt this safe, this comfortable, in any way, and it makes me want to jump right out of my skin all at the same time. I slowly slip out of the bed, out of his arms, and without looking back, I walk to my bags and grab some sweats. My mind is in such a war right now because I know being in his arms isn’t going to last, it’s like this completely fucked up tease and I can’t for the life of me figure out why he’s doing it. Is it just to fuck with my mind a bit more? I mean shit, it’s not like he hasn’t done that enough for a lifetime. So, why I ask you does he feel the need to do it even more? I am just so tired of these games that I could scream! And I would. I really would, if I just had two minutes to myself. Now don’t get me wrong I am not leaving and I don’t even want to leave until I know for sure that Brian is ok and safe from this cancer shit. But I thought that I would’ve had a bit more alone time. He was never home when we were well, when we were what ever we were. Now however he’s always home. I just don’t get it, and it’s not like I am totally adverse to spending time with him it’s just that it’s hard. It’s so hard. It’s hard to be with him knowing that I can’t be with him in every way possible, and it makes me so angry when he does all these old familiar things. Like when he’s over protective, or when he was trying to get me to sleep using the old rub my stomach thing and then what is up with him even asking me to sleep with him and me actually having sex with him yesterday. Ah, my head feels like it’s going to explode. Ring... ring... Oh, thank the Gods! Technology to the rescue yet again. I grab up my ringing phone quickly to hopefully not wake Brian. “Yeah?” “Justin.” Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, technology it’s an evil creation I swear it! “It’s Derrick.” “Yes I know who you are,” I say with a sigh, because seriously why does he have to call now? I really don’t want to have to deal with him now. “What can I do for you?” I ask in an even tone. “Well geez, is that any way to greet your dean?” Oh, I hate it when he does this shit. He jumps from my dean to the guy I fucked once, whenever he thinks it will fit his purpose. “Now is that the stance you are going to stick with today?” I ask with a curious twinge. “You are so untrusting these days,” he laughingly says. “Quite acting as if you know anything about me and tell me why you’re calling.” I say in a no nonsense tone. “Fine, if you want to go about it this way.” he huffs. “I think it’s time you got back to school.” Oh fucker! “You know I can’t do that.” I say simply. “Well if you want to continue to go to this establishment you will be back in classes by Monday.” “What the fuck is this really about?” I ask because seriously this has to be about more than me missing classes. “You have been away from school and your classes for too long,” he says as if he really cares about the classes. “I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t be accountable to be in class just like everyone else.” “There are extenuating circumstances,” I start, but he quickly and harshly cuts me off. “And just what circumstances are those? Because you haven’t informed me of the specifics.” “No I haven’t and I don’t plan too either.” I say angrily because I know why he’s asking and it has nothing to do with school, but everything to do with his feelings for me. “Well then I can’t give you permission to be off of school any longer,” “You fucker! Don’t do this,” I seethe through my teeth. “So I suggest you be in class first thing Monday or don’t bother to try to come back.” “I... he hung up on me.” I flip my phone shut, throw it across the loft turn, and start to pace while hearing the smash and clatter of the pieces hitting the floor. “Damn,” Brian says from behind me, making me turn to him in surprise. “Bad phone call?” “Yeah,” I say trying to rub the pressure I feel building up just on top of my eyebrows away. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” I say probably not too apologetically. What can I say I am a bit off right now. “That’s alright I didn’t mean to sleep so late,” he says moving towards me. “Mmm,” I say as I start to pace again. I have to think of a way to get around this. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: I was surprised to wake up to an empty bed, but even more so to wake up to Justin in such an aggravated state. Now I have no idea what exactly happened on that phone call but I know for sure it wasn’t good. “So, what happened?” I ask him and when he turns towards me, he’s biting his bottom lip and I have to say I love it. “Ah, it was nothing.” he says waving it off and turning away from me. “Was it work?” he should know by now that he can talk to me about these things. “It’s just something I need to work out for myself,” he says turning to me abruptly, which kinda surprises me. “Can I use your phone?” “Sure, of course.” I say, and without another word he is grabbing my phone and heading to the bathroom. “Where are you going?” “This is a bit private, I’m sorry,” he says not looking back, and before I know it, he’s locked away in the bathroom. I must say it is more than a little strange. He’s never hidden away from me, except for when he was with Ethan. But I really don’t think it’s like that. But then again, I have been wrong about a lot of things with him lately and he has been away for a long time so I could be way off about this whole situation. Fuck what if he is seeing someone? What if that someone is insisting that he come back? What if he leaves? Well if that’s what he wants I shouldn’t be the one to hold him back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: That motherfucker I am seriously going to hurt him when I see him again. I can’t believe he is going to do this. This is the stupidest move I have ever seen a person make. I don’t know what he is thinking but if he thinks this is going to go in his favor in any way, he is more delusional than I thought he was. Shit what am I going to do? I am so screwed, because there is no way I am leaving Brian to go through this alone, and I won’t break my promise to him about not telling anyone about his cancer. Well shit, it’s not as if I really need to finish school. I mean I already have a successful business, I have an agent who came to the last school showing that was interested in representing me, so I’m good on that end as well. But still I hate to have to just let all my hard work go down the drain. So much work and I’m almost done. I should never have slept with Derrick. I so should’ve known better than to do something so stupid. I find myself banging the back of my head against the bathroom wall before I slide down into a sitting position. I stare at the phone being a bit hesitant before I dial the number... ‘Ring... ring.’ “Dean Townsend’s office how may I help you?” Linda says. She’s a nice lady and I have gotten to know her pretty well since Derrick was constantly coming up with every reason possible to get me to see him whenever possible. “Hey Linda,” “Oh Justin honey, how are you?” she asks sweetly. “I’m good, how are you?” I ask with a smile. “Well not to good since you left actually.” she says and I can hear the sadness in her voice. “Why’s that?” “Well let’s just say he hasn’t been in the greatest of moods since you left, and well I got used to seeing you every other day.” “I know I miss you too,” I say not even bothering with her other grievance. “Listen I’m sorry to cut this short but do you think you could patch me through to him?” I want to get this over with. “Sure sweetie I’ll put you right through, hold on....” she says and then I hear the elevator music. God I hate this shit, it just grates on a persons nerves. “I knew you’d change your mind,” Derrick answers with a sexy leer, which makes me a bit nauseous actually. “I haven’t changed my mind,” “You mean to tell me you are going to just throw away all your hard work, and all the money you’ve put into your schooling?” he asks astonished. “That doesn’t sound like the Justin I know.” “Hhh,” I laughingly huff. “See now there’s the thing Derrick, you know nothing about me. Because if you did you would’ve known better than to give me an ultimatum. I don’t take too kindly to threats.” “I wasn’t threatening you,” “Oh no? So you just telling me that I either get back to school on Monday or never come back at all wasn’t a threat?” I ask surprised. “Did I just imagine that whole conversation? Or maybe I just misunderstood you altogether.” “Look Justin I know you think just because we fucked you can do whatever you want without consequence.” Oh, I can’t believe he is turning the tables like this. “But I’m sorry to say you still have to follow the standards just like all the other students. Which means being in your classes.” “I can not believe you are going to do this, Derrick.” I say in disbelief. “I’m sorry Justin I just have no other choice,” he says so insincerely. “Oh I’m positive you had so many other choices, but you are just not the kind of man to use the head above their waist.” “You really need to watch yourself,” he says aggravated. “No, I really don’t. You know Derrick you have made my life a living hell since that night we fucked and I have until now put up with it because I really wanted to finish my schooling, but now, well now you’ve gone to far.” “Us sleeping together has nothing to do with this,” he says trying to protect himself. “It has everything to do with it,” I say surprisingly keeping my calm. “But you know? It really doesn’t matter anymore because I’m through. You can take your threats, and your constant calls, pleas, and hopes and shove them right up your ass.” “Fuck you Justin....” “No fuck you.” I say finally and end the phone call. I can’t believe I just did that. I feel so free. Like a humongous weight has just been lifted from my shoulders. I feel a huge smile come over me and I start to laugh. I am finally free of that asshole. I never thought I’d get rid of him. I did however just drop out of another college, but still I really think I am going to be just fine. I’m smart and resilient. I always seem to bounce back better than ever on the business side of things. This is going to be great. I can widen my business without waiting now. I can travel and paint things that I want to, things that aren’t just assigned to me. I can start working towards showing my artwork. The world is wide open for me now. I stand up feeling extremely care free for the first time in a long time and walk back out to the kitchen with a smile I can’t seem to get rid of. “What’s the smile for?” I hear Brian ask in a curious tone and when I look at him, he has his brow furrowed and he looks suspicious. “Let’s just say I had a very good phone call,” I say cryptically, because if I told Brian I just dropped out of school he would know the reason, and not that he would be totally off base it’s just that he isn’t the only reason I dropped out, and I’d hate for him to feel responsible for something that he had no control over. This was all Derrick’s doing. “Hunh,” he grunts still sounding suspicious. What’s up with that? “Hunh, what?” I ask not being able to help myself, which I know I should be able to do by now with him. “Oh nothing, really.” he says turning from me and moving to the bedroom. What the fuck is going on here? I follow him and watch as he grabs his stuff for a shower and goes to the bathroom he doesn’t close the door as he gets undressed and not that I am above admiring his body I still manage to ask... “No there is something, so just say it.” I say in a more demanding tone. “It just seems curious that you have what some people would say sounds like a lovers squall, and then a couple minutes later after another private,” which he uses his fingers to put quotations on the word, “phone call you’re all smiles.” “Are you serious? Didn’t we already go over this when I first got here?” I ask completely confused as to why he is going here now. I mean yes, I guess some of the first conversation could’ve been taken as a lovers spat, but only on Derricks side is that true. “Hey, it’s really none of my business either way. Now is it?” he says staring into my eyes and he has his walls so firmly in place that I can’t tell where all this is coming from and to tell you the truth I am sick of playing these games with him. I’m sick of explaining myself to him. “You’re right it’s not.” he raises his eyebrow and tilts his head a bit before he turns from me and gets into the shower. I don’t bother waiting around, because truthfully I know he won’t give me anything to wait around for. So, I decide to go ahead and try to get some work done. Plus I need to order a new phone. Fuck, I really liked that phone too. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: I feel his eyes leave my body almost immediately after I step into the hot spray, and I have to say I am grateful for the reprieve. I felt that weird feeling in my chest again after he agreed that his personal life was none of my business. And he didn’t even have pause telling me so. I thought that comment deserved at least a slight pause if nothing else. But obviously, I was wrong once again. I guess when it comes to him I am just no longer even close to being in the equation. I know I shouldn’t be surprise about this revelation, but I am. I don’t know I guess I just thought that if I wanted him back he would jump at the chance. Well now, at least I know the deal. He’s just here out of some false sense of duty and nothing else. The fact that we slept together was probably just because he hasn’t had a chance to get laid since he got here. All this time I was just putting my own spin on things in my head, and it was just not the case. Man, am I off my game. It has to be all the stress and shit from this cancer that is throwing me so off. Well it just has to stop because he doesn’t want me anymore, I can’t make him change his mind, and I shouldn’t even think about trying. All the old reasons for not being with him are all still true, so why I even thought different is beyond me. As I wash myself off I realize that since he’s been here and I started trying to be nicer and whatever towards him I have been spending pretty much all of my time here with him instead of out with my real friends. I am so pathetic. He probably thinks as much of me as well. Well I will no longer be pathetic in any way shape or form. I plan on resuming my life back to normal as much as possible while still maintaining my treatments. From now on my treatments will be the only thing holding me back, and since I only have three more treatments left not even that will hold me back for long. Soon I will be back to my life. My real life. The one where I have as many men as I want, as much alcohol as I want and the one where I party as much as I want; with no one to tell me I can’t. When I jump out of the shower, I throw a towel around myself, and go out to the kitchen to get the phone. I don’t bother to look around for Justin, because he can no longer be my focus. I should’ve never deluded myself to begin with. So, after I dial the old familiar number, I wait for Mikey to answer and when he does, it puts a smile on my face. I must say I have missed my best friend I have barely seen him twice in two weeks time and even that was only for about two hours combined. “Hey Mikey,” “Brian!” he says excitedly. “How are you, and where have you been?” he says quickly changing his tune to accusatory. “Sorry, I’ve been so busy but my schedule has just cleared up quite a bit and I was wondering if you were interested in spending the day with your best friend?” I ask picking out one of my nicer shirts and pants. “Yeah?” he questions. “Yeah, I thought we could get something to eat, play some pool at Woody’s, have a few beers, and catch up before dancing the night away at Babylon.” “Ok!” Boy, he is so excited. “When did you want to meet?” “Well if you weren’t busy, I thought we could meet at the diner in say forty five minutes?” “Sure, I’ll be there.” “Do you want me to pick you up?” “No I got it, but thanks.” “Alright then see you in a few.” “Ok!” I hang up the phone and quietly chuckle at his exuberance, before throwing off my towel and getting dressed. When I’m done I move back to the bathroom to brush my teeth shave and fix my hair into my trademark just fucked me do, and when it’s just right I go into the living room. I see Justin sitting on the couch and working at his laptop and I know that I have to take him to get his rented car. “I’m going out.” I say in a distracted tone while I put my watch on, and my wallet in my pocket then I look to him again. “So if you want me to take you to get your car I suggest you get your shoes on.” But when he looks at me he has a look on his face that I really can’t place, but I think, maybe I may have said the wrong thing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: I can’t believe this shit! First off, he is the one who insisted on coming to get me last night! Even though I told him I was fine and had a car, but no, he had to have his way. So, he came anyway saying he’d take me to get my car today. So I ask you, what the fuck is he giving me the attitude for? “You know every one just seems to have all these suggestions for me today,” I can see that he’s confused, but his state of mind is not something I care about right at this minute. “But since I can’t stand people suggesting,” which I use my fingers to quotation, because really all this suggestion is, is another ultimatum. “How I should go about things and when I should do them, I’ll just go ahead and get a cab to take me. But thank you so much for the offer.” I don’t wait for whatever reply I am going to get from him because I know right now I am not going to like it and he is just going to use whatever he has to hurt me, or piss me off anyways so I just go about my own business and get back to work. “Suit yourself, I was just trying to help,” he says sarcastically, so again why waste my time replying? “Ok well don’t wait up.” he says with what I know is a smirk on his face, and it is really making me wish I still had my phone so I could throw it at his head. However, I soon feel a lot better when I hear the loft door open then shut. I breathe a sigh of relief as I sink my back into the couch and close my eyes. See I put down my guard with him for no longer than two minutes and he turned on me. I know this lesson and still I managed to falter. I always seem to falter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Five Days Later ~~~~~~~~~~~~ “No Trent it’s fine actually I am extremely okay with dropping out of Dartmouth.” I say and surprisingly it’s very true. “I can’t believe you dropped out for him,” he says sounding irritated. “This was Derrick’s doing, he’s the one who screwed everything up, it wasn’t Brian. He doesn’t even know anything about it.” “Tell me there isn’t anything going on between you two,” he begs. “Trust me there is nothing going on between Brian and I.” I say with complete certainty, because as of five days ago everything went back to the way it was when I first got here. He rarely comes home anymore he’s always out, and we never talk. I think in the last five days we have only uttered two words to each other, and that was me saying excuse me, when I stepped back from the stove and into him when he was going to the fridge. I don’t sleep in his bed, but then again I rarely sleep anyways. However, every night I still go in and watch over him, letting him curl up around me. He’s been sleeping so soundly. Which is really good, and what he really needs. The problem for me though is, is that even though I wished it would go back to this, I never thought it would hurt as much as it has. “There’s something you’re not telling me,” he says knowingly, and I hate that he knows me so well. “No, well it’s just that since I don’t have my school work anymore my time here has just slowed down to a crawl. There’s just not enough to keep me busy anymore.” I know it’s not even close to the full truth but it is part of the truth, and it will occupy him enough to not ask more questions. “Well what about the comic book?” Hmm, that is a good idea. “You guys were only going so slowly because of your work load and now you have time for it to pick back up.” “You know you’re right. I think I’ll give him a call.” “Alright I have to go anyways. I am almost to my class.” “K, I’ll give you a call later on.” “Love ya, Jus.” “Ditto.” I hear him chuckle as always before he hangs up and so do I. I go ahead and dial Michael’s number. He should be at his shop right now so maybe I won’t be bothering him. ‘Ring...ring,’ “Hello, Astro Comics?” he laughingly answers. “Hey Michael am I interrupting?” “Um... no let me just...you know what, could you hold on a minute?” he asks. “Sure,” I say and then I hear slight muffled sounds as he probably put his hand over the phone to talk to whoever is there with him. It doesn’t take long before he is back though. “What can I do for you?” he asks curtly. You know I hate having to deal with him just as much as he hates to deal with me. It’s why we mostly do all our business and communication through e-mail. “I wanted to know if you had the ideas ready for the next issue?” I ask just as curtly. “Well yeah,” he answers sounding surprised. “Good, so why don’t you go ahead and e-mail it to me, and I can get started on the art work.” “But isn’t it time for finals?” “Michael we agreed no questions on my schedule,” I start but he cuts me off. “We also agreed that your school work comes first.” “Let’s not play as if you give two shits about my schooling or anything else in my life,” I say a bit angry that he’s questioning me. When I know he doesn’t care either way. “Now I am able to go ahead with the next issue, so are you on board?” “Fine I’ll e-mail you the story line in a couple of minutes.” “Good, now I only called because this was unusual. So I expect that we will continue corresponding through e-mail.” It’s really a rhetorical question. “Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he says with fake cheeriness. “Wonderful.” and with that I hang up. I hate dealing with him. But it was worth it because in just a few minutes I’ll have some work to keep me occupied for a while. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: As I wait for Mikey to come back from the back room, I can’t help but wonder what the phone call is about. I am pretty positive that it’s Justin on the other line. There is nothing else that Mikey would want to hide from me, and boy was he trying to hide this from me. However, he is a very bad liar. For the past five days, I have been spending every second I can away from the loft. Which is ridiculous since it’s my home, but with Justin there I just find myself wanting to leave whenever possible. I have managed to revert back to my old self around him and the transition was easier than I thought it would be. However getting used to the twinge in my chest, or would it be described as a dull ache? Hunh either way it hasn’t been the easiest. But it’s getting better. I’m sure as soon as he leaves again I’ll forget all about it. Justin has reverted nicely back to the way he was as well. He keeps to the back round and never speaks to me except for that one time he stepped back into me, but that was only to say ‘excuse me’. He still cooks dinner, and makes sure we have food in the house, making sure I have my morning coffee and toast. He cleans up all of his messes; he even has an attendance to clean up after me. I don’t know what’s going on in any part of his life. There have been no late night phone calls, or major problems that have interrupted my home time. Which is nice, because I don’t want to have to deal with his shit. He went back to sleeping on the couch. Which, you know is a good thing as well. I never really enjoyed sleeping with other people to begin with and in all honesty, I doubt he sleeps much as it is. But that’s none of my business, so I have refrained from looking into it. I however have still been sleeping really well. So I guess it doesn’t matter that he’s not there with me. “Okay all done.” Mikey says interrupting my thoughts, which is a good thing. He sits down behind his computer and starts clicking around. “You ready to go?” he asks shutting down his computer. “Yeah,” I say and we make our way to the door. We are going out to the diner then to Woody’s, and then Babylon, per usual. Like I said I would, I have managed to get back to my regular life. Somewhat. As we walk to the diner since the two are so close to each other I find myself not able to resist asking the question I was trying not to. “So that was Justin on the phone?” I get out a cigarette so I can ignore the look he is no doubt giving me. “Um, yeah.” he sounds very unsure of himself. I light my cigarette and take a deep drag before I continue. “He’s still helping you with the comic isn’t he?” I ask because I am a little curious about what is going on with that. Justin never mentioned anything concerning the comic while we were being polite to each other and Mikey never says anything about it so I am a bit behind. And I hate being behind. “Why are you asking?” I finally look over to him and he looks completely weirded out. I almost laugh but then I think better of it. I won’t get any information out of him if I do that. “If I’m not mistaken this comic is very important to you?” I wait for his answer. “Yes,” he says confused now. “And I’m still your best friend am I not?” “Of course you are,” he replies indignant. “Okay so then why wouldn’t I ask you about something that is that important to you?” I ask as if it hurts for him to even consider my motives. “Oh...well,” he looks like he’s about fourteen again. “I’m sorry Brian. I wasn’t trying to keep you out of it. It’s just that after everything with Justin I just figured it would be easier for you if I kept it quiet.” He’s way too easy. “That’s okay, I understand. But I’m okay with it all so there is no need to keep me in the dark. I want to know about it.” “Well in that case,” he says perking up quite a bit actually. “He called to tell me that he’s ready to start work on the next issue. I sent the story to him right before we left the shop. So soon I hope he’ll get the rough drafts back to me.” he keeps on going but I have gone off into my own little world and concerns now. I’m trying to fight it. Really, I am but I’m not winning the battle. Damn it! Damn it all to hell! Why did I fucking ask questions? Well that’s really a moot point now since I did ask the questions. Now I have to deal with the information I have. Which is that he has just added to his already over booked schedule. Where is he going to find the time to do another issue? Isn’t it time for finals too? I don’t get it, just how does he plan to do everything? “Hey you little shit,” I hear Deb laughingly say behind me. I turn abruptly towards her and realize a bit late that I’m in the diner. “You plan on sitting? Or are you gonna keep on walking right out the back door?” she huffs with a smile. “Hmm funny,” I say as coolly as possible trying to play off my stupidity. “How about you just stick with ‘What would you like to order?’ “ I say with a smirk, but getting a smack upside my head for my efforts. “Just for that little comment you’re getting the pink plate special.” ah fuck I grimace at the mere thought. As she takes the orders for everyone else, I find myself fighting to not slip back to my thoughts of Justin. “So, Brian what do you think of the direction we’re taking Rage?” Mikey asks me and I have to fight the Hunh? Hanging in my mind from escaping. Shit, I have no idea what direction they’re taking, but I guess whatever way they take it is fine. “I think it’s great Mikey,” I say with a small smile that I hope works to my advantage. “Wow, I’m so glad you like it.” he says surprised. “Why wouldn’t I?” I ask fixing the coffee that Debbie just brought me. “Well I would’ve thought with everything you believe in that you would’ve been just a little more.... pissed.” he explained. But I’m even more confused now, then I was when he first asked the question. “What are you talking about?” I ask letting a bit of my confusion slip as I take a sip of my coffee. “Well the fact that I have Rage and JT getting married,” I find myself spitting my sip of coffee out at that statement. “What the fuck?” “Have you lost your fucking mind?” I yell. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: As I read through the issue Michael just sent me I find my confusion and anger growing to the point of no return and finally I just have to stop reading it all together. But the anger and confusion is just to great that I can’t help myself from the fact that I am dialing Michael’s number.... “Hello?” he answers. “Have you lost your fucking mind?” I find my anger just spilling out. “I thought you of all people would’ve loved the idea,” he says with a tint of anger. “Why the fuck would you think something like that?” I can’t believe him. “Don’t act as though this isn’t what you have always wanted from Brian,” “Oh you pompous ass.” I seethe. “Now I have given you your impossible dream,” he starts angrily but I cut him off. “You little shit we are not doing this issue and that’s final!” “Get over yourself for once and look at the fact that this is good,” “Good for who?” “To show gay marriage in a positive light,” he says as if it is the most obvious thing in the world. “You want to have a gay marriage in this comic than why don’t Rage and Zephyr get married?” I throw at him cause if he thought I was going to let his digs on my deepest most hurtful fantasies go he’s out of his mind. “We can’t do that.” “And why’s that Michael? You know as well as everyone else including Brian and Ben that, that is what you’ve always wanted from Brian.” I throw at him. “You....” he stumbles. “I can’t believe you just said that.” “Oh believe it, and also you better come up with another story line because I refuse to sign off on this, and you know that we both have to okay the issue before it can be published.” I seethe then hang up the phone. I find myself squeezing it so tightly as to not send it flying across the room. I really like my new phone and I refuse to lose it over Michael of all people. I can’t believe he threw my feelings for Brian in my face. We had agreed when we first started working together again that Brian and my relationship was completely off limits. I can’t believe he thought I would want to see something like this. Hell even agree to something like this. Not to mention Brian. He would’ve flipped his lid seeing this in print. It is the last thing he would ever agree to, and me being the other groom well let’s just say he would never want to see himself stuck with me in that sort of light; be it in real life or in his alter ego’s life. So, what made Michael ever think it would go over for Brian either is beyond me. I mean shit if he really wanted to make a good point on gay marriage why in the world didn’t he put his alter ego in the position to get married. I just don’t get it. Maybe it was to hurt me. I wouldn’t put it past him. Well isn’t this just great? Now I don’t have anything to keep me busy. Maybe I can update a site. No, I can’t do that; I already updated everything I could for the past two days. “Hmmm.” Maybe I could try to sketch some. I really haven’t tried my hand at it since I had to for class. I don’t know lately, I just haven’t had any inspiration to do so. Maybe I’m just a hack, that can’t cut it in the real world of art. I mean I have the perfect timing to just do it and now I can’t seem to think of one good thing to draw. It’s ridiculous! But maybe if I just put the pencil in my hand and the pad on my lap it will all just flow through. So, I go ahead and grab my supplies, and sit Indian style on the couch and wait for a miracle. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: As Mikey hangs up the phone, I find that all I want to do is strangle him. My mouth is just hanging open at the way he just talked to Justin. I mean it was unbelievable. I seriously don’t know how they can work together if this is the way they speak and treat each other. I don’t even know what to say to this kind of thing. “I can’t fucking believe the shit he just said to me,” Mikey says indignantly. “I personally commend him for saying whatever it was to you.” Theodore says proudly. “I can tell you Michael that you completely deserved it.” Emmet says as he starts to eat the food that Debbie just sat in front of him. “Deserved what?” Debbie asks with a big smile as she sets down some more orders. “Nothing,” Mikey jumps in. “Hhnn,” I find myself laughing unamused. “Okay,” Debbie says looking at both of us, and knowing that something is brewing. “I’ll be back in just a sec with the rest of your orders.” “Don’t worry about mine Deb, I gotta get going.” I say standing up and dropping a few bills on the table. “What?” Michael whines out. “But we have plans.” “Like I said I have to get going.” I say slowly and with my anger just barely being contained before I turn and start to walk out. “But Brian?” he says but I just can’t hear anymore from him right now so I keep going. “Wait, Brian.” I make it out the door and head towards my Jeep and as I cross the street, I feel Michael yank on my arm. “Where are you going?” he asks a bit out of breath. “Home.” I say and continue but he tugs on my arm again. “But why?” why do you keep asking questions? “Because I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.” I say because that’s the truth. “Is this because I married Rage and JT?” he says sounding annoyed. “Surprisingly no.” I say and go to my door. “Then I don’t get it.” “I knew you wouldn’t.” I say under my breath. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Nothing Mikey. Just leave it alone.” “Just tell me what’s the matter,” he says tugging on me to face him, so I do. He has that puppy dog look on his face that is doing nothing but annoying me right now. “I don’t understand why you’d say such hateful things to Justin,” I start but he cuts me off by throwing his hands in the air and rolling his eyes. “You of all people are going to defend that little ungrateful shit?” he seethes. “There would be no need if you’d just realize that there is no reason for you to attack him!” my anger is slipping through. I need to get out of here. “This is ridiculous,” “You acting like a five year old.” I watch his face get a bit red. “You’re right it is.” I say throwing my door open and getting in. I don’t waist time starting up my engine and driving off. Fucking Michael. Why is he doing this shit? I can’t believe that he is still holding this grudge towards him. Not to mention throwing Justin's and my relationship in his face. It’s just so childish. I mean shit Justin’s his business partner for fuck’s sake. You don’t treat a person let alone your business partner like that. What is he thinking? So, what just because he’s my best friend he thinks that he can just keep on torturing him over the past? I don’t want that. I never wanted anything but the best for Justin. Really. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. Damn it. I wonder how Justin is doing after all of this. I know I shouldn’t care and I know I should just leave it but I can’t. I just can’t. I pull up to my building and jump out and go on up to my door and I find myself a bit unnerved right before I slide the door open. When I look to the couch, I see Justin sitting there staring out the window. I close the door and lock up before I tentatively start to move towards him. He hasn’t made one move and I don’t even know if he realizes I’m here. When I get up to the side of the couch I can see that he has his sketch pad and pencils out but he hasn’t made not one scratch on the page. That can’t be good. “Hey,” I say a bit softly but if his jump and hand over his chest is any indicator he didn’t notice my arrival. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.” “No, I just wasn’t expecting you home.” he says still a bit out of breath. I move around the corner of the couch, sit down beside him, and start to pick up his pad and pencils off the floor. “Oh don’t worry I got it.” he says reaching around me and picking up his stuff and as our hands graze against each other we both stop and look at each other. “I’m sorry,” I find myself saying, and the truth is, is that I am. “What?” he says looking confused as hell. “Why?” I bring up his stuff and place it on the coffee table before I turn to him again. “It’s just pad and some pencils.” I shake my head as I realize he has no idea that I heard Michael. “Michael,” I start before he snorts with out any amusement. “No really I was there when you two were on the phone and what he said...” “Had nothing to do with you,” he says cutting me off, but I cut him off as well. “But it does,” “Maybe, but it’s still not your fault.” he says shaking his head and I see the sincerity in his eyes. “Still, he shouldn’t have talked to you that way.” I say hopefully letting him know that he really doesn’t deserve that. “Well, I didn’t just let it go you know?” he looks at me with a weird look. “I gave back just as much as he threw out.” I think he thought I’d be pissed about that. “I’m glad,” I say, because I am. “You are?” he asks surprised which I really can’t blame him for. “Yeah I am.” I say and find myself sliding back into what I consider a very bad situation, so I pretty much jump out of it by jumping up from the couch. “Are you ok?” he asks me standing up and when I see him reaching out his hand to touch me I find myself jumping back from him. Shit, this isn’t turning out very well now is it? “Brian?” I know he’s worried, I can hear it in his voice. So I slow myself down a bit and just slowly start to move to the fridge. “I’m okay, I think I just need some water...” I say turning around. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll get it for you,” he says and I can hear him coming up behind me. “No, I’m just going to get a bottle of water and go to bed.” I grab the water bottle and turn towards him with a small smile to hopefully get him to relax, but I can see the worry and stress on his face. “I’m just tired, that’s all.” I say and quickly turn to go to my bedroom. He doesn’t say anything else to me and I am extremely thankful for it. So, okay... What the fuck was that? I rub my hand over my forehead and look to the ceiling. I just acted like a complete ass out there. I look out the partitions and I can see his shadowy outline. I watch as he brings his hands up and then flops them down onto his sides. God he must think I have completely lost my mind. Oh, fuck it maybe I have. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: What the fuck just happened? Was it something I said? I mean I thought we were having a nice conversation, then all the sudden he’s jumping up as fast as he can and instinctively I tried to reach for him if for no other reason than to make myself feel better, but when I did that you would’ve thought I was trying to burn him. It was all so fucking weird; I have never had him treat me like that before. He’s never recoiled from me like that before, and I have to say it hurts. A lot. I mean I shouldn’t and I know I should just let it roll off my back and I’m trying to let it happen like that but it’s not. What the fuck did I do? I just don’t know. ~~~~~~~~~~ The Next Day ~~~~~~~~~~ So I actually managed to get about two hours of sleep this morning and I must say I feel a lot better. I really needed it I think. I haven’t slept for two consecutive hours since that day Brian made me sleep with him I am more than a little sorry to say. I mean is it going to be like this for the rest of my life? Since I walked away from Brian that day it’s been the same, and I always thought that eventually it would get better; go back to normal. But now I am thinking I may be shit out of luck on this subject. Which scares me a little bit because I don’t know just how long a person can live like that? I mean it has to have some consequences to it... right? And just because they haven’t surfaced yet doesn’t mean that they never will and what will I do when that happens? I know it’s stupid to keep focusing and stressing over something I seem to have no control over but I can’t help myself. Could anyone really not, at some time, focus on the backlash with so much time on their hands? I think not. But I guess in the end that I will just have to deal with whatever comes at me when it comes at me. What else could I do? ‘Ring...ring’ oh no I haven’t been having good luck with phone calls lately. ‘Ring...’ maybe I’ll just let it go to voice mail. ‘Ring...’ but what if it’s Trent? ‘Ring....’ Oh fuck it, I grab up my phone and hit the button before I think better of it again. “Yeah?” “I think we should keep the story line.” I hold back the groan I feel at the top of my throat. “Forget it,” I say simply and hope that he’ll leave it at that. “You have to see the good behind this copy,” but not surprised when he doesn’t. “It’s not that I don’t see the good that could come of this story line. I am just asking you to go about it another way.” I say with an even non-invasive tone. I want him to really hear what I’m trying to say and not go on the offensive this time. “Justin that’s just not possible.” “Michael it’s a comic book anything is possible.” “Like JT marrying Rage?” “No, not that.” I say showing a bit of my real emotions. For which I could kick myself in the ass for. I know he’s going to use this against me. “Why are you...” he trails off but before I can cut him off he continues. “Oh God Justin...” He sounds I don’t know surprised I don’t know so I cut him off. “We decided we weren’t going to ever discuss anything about that time.” I say without being specific because I know that in the end I don’t have to be. “But I think,” “So, I’m thinking that we could hold off this story line and instead introduce a new character to be Zephyr’s love interest.” I have thought a lot about this since last night. “Then in a couple of more issues we can have Zephyr get married.” It sounds more than reasonable and a lot more natural this way. “Well I guess...” Suddenly I hear the loft door opening so I quickly put my hand over the phone. I look behind me and see Brian slowly coming in, and seriously I want to yell and scream at the man that I am here to help him so why does he insist on doing it all by him self? “What was that?” Michael says pulling me out of my anger and sending me straight into panic mode. “Nothing,” I say and I know it sounded a bit to defensive but I carry on. “Listen think about what I said and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” “But Justin,” he starts but I know I have to get him off of the other line before something else gets given away about my real where about. “Gotta go.” I say hanging up and breathing a sigh of relief. I’m really glad that’s over. I turn off my phone effectively tuning out the rest of the world. I take a look around, but I don’t see Brian anywhere. So I get up and go about getting everything situated for the rest of the evening, and by the time I’m done Brian is coming out of the bathroom fresh from the shower and only wrapped in a towel. Hmm not that this isn’t nice, but when I look at his face he looks like complete shit, and all I really want to do is get him into bed. I have already gotten the bed turned down so I just wait for him to crawl in and hope to the Gods that he’ll let me help him. When he lyes down and covers up I start to go over to his side so I can get him his pills. “Another lovers spat?” he asks as I am giving over his pills, and I find myself laughing at his presumptions. “You have no idea just how far off base you are.” I say giving him his bottle of water. He looks at me with his brows raised as he takes a drink and takes his pills. “Is that right?” he asks as he lyes back down and hands me back the bottle of water. “Oh God is that right, eww.” seriously when you think about just how wrong his assumptions were you realize just how disgusting the thought is. “That bad?” he asks turning to his side and sort of curling in and around the blankets. “It was Michael.” “Well then I guess so,” he says with a grimace, and I just smile and laugh a bit. But he then perks up a bit. “Did he behave himself?” he questions and I watch his eyelids fighting to stay open. “Yes, he was just fine.” I say a bit to softly, and looking at him in his bed all curled I am finding myself extremely compelled to just touch him. To run my fingers through his hair to soothe what little pain I can. To run my finger tips over his face, but I know that, that would be extremely unacceptable to him so I refrain. At least I will until he’s asleep that is. “Go to sleep.” “I am a little tired," he says closing his eyes, and I know that within a couple of minutes he’ll be a sleep, and I’ll be able to sit by his side and give him the comfort that I can. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ One Month Later ~~~~~~~~~~~~ It’s been a week since my last treatment and I have to say I have been feeling really good knowing that I wont have to have another one; as long as everything stays gone that is. But I’ll cross that bridge when and if it ever gets here. It is just such a relief that I can finally start to get my life back on track somewhat. The doctors of course say that I can’t over exert myself on the exercise front and that I shouldn’t over indulge on alcohol and such things. Meaning of course no drugs other than the ones I am prescribed. Which truthfully I can deal with, just as long as I don’t have to go in for another treatment. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s a great feeling, really it is. I’m just finding myself a bit at odds about telling Justin. I mean I should’ve told him last week when I had my last treatment, but when I tried... the words just wouldn’t come out. It’s not like anything has really changed with us. I’m home more often but that is just because I really don’t want to have to deal with Mikey, but Justin and I still barely talk. Not that he didn’t try a couple of times to strike up some conversation, it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to continue it. I don’t know it was just that every time he tried I would just clam up it seemed. It’s just ever since that night I came home early because of Mikey and his mouth, and having that awkward moment with Justin, I have been I guess worried that it will happen again. Or that I would do something even stupider like try to take him to bed again. Or even worse try that completely idiotic idea of us being friends or whatever again. I can’t let that happen, but even still I can’t manage to tell him the news that would take him away. Weird isn’t it? And again I still don’t know why, or what to do about it all. However, I’m not sure that I am going to have much of a choice now. See Justin has gotten accustom to my treatment days, and now as I walk up the stairs to the loft at 6:00pm. Which is the normal time I come home from work, and not having any signs of treatment he is going to no doubt ask me why, and of course I am going to have to answer him with non other than the truth. I should be happy about this I know. I mean after all of my talk and complaining about having my old life back with out him in it, I should be ecstatic that the day has finally arrived. So as I get to the door I harden myself to this fact and open it up to find Justin on a frantic phone call. “No, no um I don’t know, he said that he was going to call me two days ago and he still hasn’t, and I’ve tried to call his cell but it is constantly going to his voice mail.” What the hell is going on? Is this the guy that I have been worrying so much about Justin returning to? “I don’t understand,” he sounds so lost right now and I tell you I am actually fighting the urge not to take him into my arms and tell him that everything will be okay. “Well wait I don’t understand. It’s been more than twenty-four hours...” he stops abruptly from talking and pacing. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” This can’t be good. I put my brief case down and start to move towards Justin. “So what just because he’s twenty and a college student he can’t be considered a missing person?” he kicks my stool and as it falls over he turns to me and when our eyes meet I can see that he’s crying, and that’s when all of my rational thought goes right out the window and in a second I have my arms around him. “But you don’t understand he wouldn’t just disappear, he’d have called me. He wouldn’t have just left like this.” I feel his fingers digging into my back, not that I mind at this point I just wish I knew exactly what was going on. There is a silence and then I feel him dig in deeper. “If you wont do anything about this fine, I’ll take care of it. But if anything happened to my friend I am going to sue every single agency I can, to make sure you pay in one way or another.” he seethes before he throws his phone, and luckily it lands on the couch. I feel him wrap himself around me and I kiss the top of his head lingering there as I feel him shake slightly. “What happened?” I ask him, and when he looks up to me with tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes I feel this uncontrollable urge to kiss him, so I do with our eyes locked I lightly kiss him on his lips. When I finally pull away, I wipe away the tears that were coming down but they are soon replaced with more. “He’s gone, and I can’t find him and the police wont even think about putting out a missing persons report because his school is out so they say it could just be a case of him going away on vacation. But he wouldn’t have just left with out telling me Brian he wouldn’t of I swear it...” he says so quickly and with such a pleading tone for me to believe him and I nod my head. “Okay, Jus okay. It’s going to be okay.” I say and start to lead him to the couch but he turns to me grabbing my arms. “How Brian? How is it going to be okay? No one is looking for him, and it’s already been three days anything could’ve happened to him.” he stops and throws his hands over his eyes, and I know what is probably going through his head right now and I can tell it’s tearing him apart. I slowly start to move him towards the couch again and this time he doesn’t resist. For which I’m thankful for. I sit us down and take his hands away from his face. We need to get started on doing something. “Justin, who’s missing?” “Trent,” oh he’s the friend. I’ve heard Justin talk to him a few more times since the first misunderstanding and I can tell that they are really great friends. I wonder if it’s more? I quickly realize that is a completely moot point right about now. This poor kid could be dead, and I really just don’t think that Justin could handle something happening to his friend. “Have you called all of his friends? Maybe they can check his apartment for you?” “I haven’t been able to get a hold of his friend Abby, but it really doesn’t matter because she went home after her last final three weeks ago.” he says sounding so defeated. “That’s alright, how about one of your friends? Could you get one of them to go over to his apartment?” is my next suggestion. “I had Tawny go over there yesterday but there was no answer.” he’s rubbing his forehead and I can see the lines there tweaking up in pain. “Justin where’s your headache meds?” he looks up to me with a confused look before he answers me. “I can’t afford to take them right now Brian. Trent is missing and I can’t very well find him if I’m passed out for sixteen hours.” he says incredulously. “Alright calm down I just don’t like to see you in pain is all.” I rub the back of his neck hopefully relieving some of his tension. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just...” he has no need to apologize so I stop him right there. “I understand Jus, don’t worry about it.” I say and he nods his head before he looks out the window. “I just don’t know what do, Bri. What if someone...” he stops himself which is okay because he doesn’t need to finish because I already know exactly what he’s thinking unfortunately. He looks to me again biting on his bottom lip and fresh tears pooling in his eyes so I grab him around his waist and bring him to me. I feel him wrap his arms around my waist as I bring my other arm around his neck. “First thing we should do is get Tawny to try his apartment again he may have come back by now,” I say softly by his ear without letting him go. “Then I think you should get yourself on the first flight back to New Hampshire...” he pulls away from me but I keep my hand on his hip and start to run my fingers through his hair. I tell myself that it’s only to make him feel better, to comfort him. It’s absolutely not to make me feel better about letting him go once again. “I can’t leave you Brian,” I shake my head at him. “My last treatment was last week.” I watch as his face crunches up in confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks and I can hear the hurt in his voice. “I don’t know and it really doesn’t matter because you have to go now and find Trent.” I say simply, but also feeling guilty for keeping such a thing from him. I know if nothing else he does care about my health and for me to keep the fact that I finished my treatments from him is just wrong. Especially after everything he’s done for me. “Well what did the doctors say? Did they say you’re free and clear? Do you have any special things you have to do or things you can’t do?” he asks in practically one breath. “They said that in a couple of months I will have to get tested again to make sure everything is still gone. So, no I’m not out of the woods yet. But they say that everything looks good so far.” he’s listening so intently and I am a bit happy to have his mind in another place if only for a moment so I keep going. “I still can’t excessively drink or do any casual drugs. Also, I can’t do any heavy working out, which is I think the worst thing. Plus they want me to quite smoking; but that’ll never happen.” I say with a small smirk, which he returns. “That’s so great Brian, I’m so happy for you,” he says softly as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and I wrap mine around his waist. He feels so good and I am sorry to admit this to myself but I do not like the fact that I have to let him go. But it’s for the best. “See so it’s time for you to leave,” I didn’t mean for it to sound mean but I think it did come out a little bit that way, because when I pull back his eyes shift and he nods his head looking away from me quickly and dropping his hands from my shoulders. “I guess it is,” he says standing up and grabbing his bags. He looks around seeming a little out of it before he shakes his head and starts going at a quick pace. He grabs his laptop and throws it into his briefcase then goes to grab his laundry bag to throw in his duffle bag along with his clothes. He zips that up and closes his briefcase. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: I think that’s everything I want to take right now and I guess I can just have Brian send me the rest later. God this is horrible I feel this raging urge to go back to New Hampshire but only to find Trent, I just have to. He’s my best friend these days and if anything’s happened to him, I just don’t know what I’ll do. He just has to be okay. But at the same time, I just want to stay with Brian, and never leave him again. Even though I know he would never have me staying here like that again. It’s just a dream that never seems to leave me. Hell I figure a boy can always have his fantasies as long as he is still strong enough not to lose his integrity. Which is why I am going to grab my things and walk out that door once more without showing my true feelings. “Do you think you could just tape this up,” I ask him pointing to my box of things. “And send it when you get a chance?” “Yeah, sure. I’ll send it out to you tomorrow.” he says nodding his head and then a thought hits me and I grab a piece of paper from one of my sketch books and a pencil and write down my home address. “Here’s my home address for the box,” I say handing him the piece of paper, which he takes and looks over with a nod. “Thanks Brian, for everything.” I say grabbing up my bag and briefcase. “Happy to oblige,” he says with his tongue in cheek smirk, and I just give him a small half smile. It’s the best I can come up with. “And Jus, I’m sure everything will be just fine with Trent.” with this he is very sincere though for which I am grateful. “I hope so.” I say and head straight for the door. As I slide it open I have this incredibly sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, it’s the same feeling I have always gotten when I leave him and I hate it. I hate the way it seems to just hold onto me and not let go, but regardless I have to resign myself to the fact that it’s just a part of my life now and as I do I step through the threshold and without turning around I close the door behind me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s POV: Well I knew he’d leave sooner or later, so I guess now is as good a time as any. It’s just that I hate this feeling that I’m having in the pit of my stomach. I’m not sure what it is exactly but I do know that I get it every time Justin leaves me. And it’s not that I don’t know that this is for the best cause I do, it’s just that I still can’t help the fact that I want him... Sometimes. I know it’s stupid to still have these feelings after so long but they’re still there, and for me it’s so unusual that I don’t know what to do or how to get rid of them. See the normal way, the way that works for every other trick just doesn’t seem to work with him. He’s just had this hold over me since the first moment I saw him and he’s never let it go, and I don’t know how to take it back from him. I just know how to make the feelings lessen. At least for a little while. So, I pick up the phone and dial up the gang. I even call up Mikey to go out as well. Because I think it’s time to start getting back to my way of life. Not that I haven’t started to already but now with the treatments over and with Justin out of the loft I can really get my life back to normal. Shit I can fuck in my own bed for once, won't that be nice. Cause it’s not like I don’t mind fucking and sucking in the backroom it’s just nice to be able to bring tricks into my bed as I wish. Where it is really comfortable and where I do my best work as well. With those thoughts in my head I go and get ready for a night to remember. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin’s POV: As I get out of my truck and look up to Trent’s apartment I can see his lights on and I just pray that everything I have thought and all the nightmares I’ve had about what has happened to him is just that... a bad dream. My stomach feels as though it’s on it’s very own roller coaster it’s flip flopping so badly. But I don’t want to wait anymore. I need to see if he’s there. I head up to his apartment and before I can think anymore I stick the key in the door and turn it, but now with the door unlocked I feel absolutely terrified of what could be on the other side of it. I pull the key out and put it in my pocket then I put my trembling hand on the handle and take a deep breath before I turn it and push in. I take a peek inside and everything looks normal. It’s messy yes but that’s normal. So, I step inside and close the door behind me. I don’t hear anything and I don’t see him, and as I look to his bedroom I see that the door is wide open with the lights off. I move towards his room and turn on the light as I round the corner. I can see a lump on the bed covered by his Jade colored comforter. I feel myself trembling as I walk to the side of the bed. “Trent?” I shakily whisper as I reach out my hand to pull back the covers, then suddenly they come flying off and I jump back... “Justin?” he sleepily says with his sleepy eyes, and I punch him right in he arm. “What the fuck was that for?” “Asshole!!” I say and hit again. “Hey!” he yells sitting all the way up. “Do you know how fucking worried I have been?” I say pointing my finger at him and I see him flinch so I walk in a circle to take away some of this adrenaline that has filled me up suddenly. “I’m sorry, I jus...” “Just what couldn’t take two fucking seconds out of your sleep schedule to call your best friend? Not even that, cause all you really had to do was pick up the fucking phone Trent!” god I am so mad right now. “I just couldn’t!” he yells back at me and it makes me pause. “And why the fuck not?” this had better be good. But when I see him put his hands over his face and see his shoulders start to shake, I know that something is really wrong here. “Trent?” I say losing every bit of anger that I had, and sit next to him. I take his hands away from his face and hold onto them. “What happened?” “I don’t know Jus,” he says and God he looks so torn up, so I take him into my arms, and whisper. “You can tell me anything, Trent.” “I went to get... oh God,” he rubs his face into my neck and I can feel the tears slipping from his eyes to my collarbone. “I went to get tested last week,” and my heart drops, knowing what he’s about to say but knowing that he probably needs to say it out loud so I let him go on. Maybe by some small miracle, I’m wrong. “Justin I’m positive.” he says quietly before he starts to really sob. We’re holding onto each other so tightly but I can’t seem to loosen my grip. I can feel the tears streaming down my face. How could this have happened? He’s always so careful. I know he’d never fuck anyone without a condom. He’s so young, and he’s just getting his life started. This is just not fair. I don’t know just how long we’ve been sitting here before I lye us down and pull the covers up over us. I keep my arms tightly around him as he curls his entire body around me. “I’m so scared Jus,” I look down into his blood shot brown eyes so full of sadness, and I just wish I could take it all away. Make it all better. “I don’t want to die.” “Stop talking like that,” I say softly, not because I can’t stand the thought of it but because there is so much more for HIV positive people then just death. “We’re going to deal with this and make sure you get the best possible care. Do you understand me? You’re going to fight this and I am going to do everything in my power to help you.” he nods his head to me and then buries his face into my chest. “Let’s get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.” I say and snuggle a bit closer to him. “Thank you Jus, for being here.” he says softly and I kiss his forehead. “Of course I’m here.” I say just as softly. “Love you.” he mumbles. “Ditto.”