Monday December 19 2016 “Dad, Uncle Justin I don’t know when I’ve had so much fun. Who knew sliding down a mountainside would be so much fun? Thanks for taking me with you this year. Have you always gone to Vermont for your December vacation weekend?” “Justin did you have any idea that Sonnyboy had a good time on our little getaway?” “No Brian I didn’t, of course I lost count of how many times he has told us how much fun he was having after about 107th time he said so.” “I had too much fun to let you two pull my chain about it. You didn’t answer my question though, have you two always gone to Vermont or have you gone elsewhere? I do remember you going away for a weekend every year but I don’t remember if you ever said where you went.” “Yes Sonnyboy we have gone to Vermont every year since we started the tradition of December getaways.” “The first time we went was your Dad’s attempt to make up for a missed trip to Vermont we were supposed to take in ‘02. This makeup trip was in December of ‘04, which was about a year and half after you got us back together. We had so much fun that year that we decided on the trip home that we would make it a yearly event. I’m glad that you had a great time Gus.” “It’s always amazing how much fun it is to roll around in the snow. It certainly isn’t fun scooping the stuff but playing in the snow is another story. I noticed that the two of you spent more time in the lodge than you did on the slopes. Was the cocoa that good? Of course that allowed me more time to spend with Cassie, Sue, and Ron. It was amazing how those Nebraska girls could throw a snowball.” “Well Gus your Dad is getting up there in years and he has to recuperate after a few runs down the mountain. He gets tired so easily now that he is over 45. We were happy that you met some kids your own age to hang with while I was busy helping Brian recuperate. Helping him recuperate is hard work let me tell you. The cocoa was amazingly good though. Of course we knew before we left Pittsburgh that you would make new friends. I‘ve never known anyone who can make friends as easily as you do.” “Recuperate; if you say so Uncle Justin. Making friends is easy for me; always has and I suppose always will be. I learned how to make friends from you. I’m going to call Lance and tell him about the trip. I wish his mother had let him come with us. I’m not really sure he asked her since I‘m sure he figured that she would never let him go anywhere with me let alone with you two. After 10 years she still isn’t happy that Lance and I are best friends. I’m still the son of an effing queer and his effing boy toy as far as she is concerned. She actually says effing; I’ve heard her use the term. I‘ll go to bed after talking to Lance so I‘ll see you both in the morning.” *** “Justin Craig Taylor, what do you mean telling the boy I had to recuperate after a few runs down the mountain. Brian Kinney doesn‘t do recuperate, he just keeps going and going.” “Well Brian Shawn Kinney did you want me to tell him that we were fucking like bunnies while he was snowboarding with his new friends?” “No, but then I don’t think that your recuperating story fooled him one bit either.” “I know; but I can still pretend that he doesn’t know what we do behind closed doors just like you pretend he doesn‘t know what we do.” “You know Sunshine I was very glad that when Mel and Lindsay made me tell him the facts of life I got to tell him the straight version; since if he had required the gay version he would have known exactly what the two of us do behind closed doors.” “Would that have been so bad? Besides I think he knows more than he lets on.” “You can’t tell anyone this but I was so nervous telling him about the birds and bees that if I had had to give away our sexual activities I probably would have passed out from not being able to breathe. It surprised the hell out of me that it embarrassed me so much; Brian Kinney doesn’t do embarrassment. So telling him about tops and bottoms and everything that implies would have been more than I could have handled. I didn’t have any problems teaching you the gay birds and bees but then with you it was much more show than tell. Of course I would deny saying this if you actually did tell anyone that I got nervous talking to my Sonnyboy about sex.” “It still amazes me how prudish you are around Gus. I did know more about gay sex than you think I did, I was just in so much awe of you that I couldn‘t remember anything I had read in my porn stash. I was so nervous that it's a wonder I just didn‘t faint when you kissed me that very first time.” “If it amazes you think how much it amazes me. Brian Kinney doesn‘t do prudish except I can‘t deny how prudish I am around Gus. You had a porn stash?” “Sure I had a porn stash, what 17-year-old boy doesn’t have a porn stash. It wasn’t very big and wasn’t as explicit as I would have liked it to have been but it had pictures of guys fooling around.” *** “Hello Mrs. Smith may I talk to Lance?” “Lance doesn’t live here anymore.” “What do you mean he doesn’t live there?” “I found the filthy magazine that you gave him. I can’t have a faggot living in my home so I threw him out.” “What are you talking about? I didn’t give Lance any magazine let alone a filthy one?” “The piece of filth had Brian Kinney in the address so where else did he get it?” “What are you talking about?” “The magazine filled with men wearing next to nothing. I asked Lance what he was doing with that piece of filth hidden in his underwear drawer. He just looked at me and couldn‘t give me an excuse so I had no choice but to throw him out of my house. As far as I‘m concerned I no longer have a son and I don‘t want to talk to you.” “That was an underwear catalog.” “Gus never call me again.” “Mrs. Smith where did Lance go?” “I don’t know and I don’t care.” *** “Sonnyboy what is the problem, I thought you were going to bed?” “I just called Lance, his mother threw him out of the house because she found an underwear catalog in his chest of drawers. She decided he was a faggot because of that catalog and so he wasn’t fit to live in her house any more. I gave Lance that catalog so it was my fault. Lance isn’t any more gay than I am. We just had fun laughing at all of those ridiculous types of underwear. How could any mother throw their child out of the house over an underwear catalog?” “Gus calm down. When did she throw him out of the house?” “I don’t know Uncle Justin she didn’t say. She told me not to call her again. That she doesn’t know where Lance is and that she doesn’t care. We have to find him. It’s cold out. Lance won’t know what to do on the streets. He is way too shy to go to a shelter even if he thought of a shelter in the first place.” “Gus there is nothing we can do tonight, I’ll call the police and have them start looking. In the morning I’ll visit Mrs. Smith and try to find out what I can. I’ve never understood how a parent can throw a child away but too many of them do. Don’t worry Gus we'll find Lance.” “I hope so Dad, I couldn’t live with myself if anything happens to him since I gave him the catalog.” “Gus you didn’t do anything wrong. It isn’t your fault; it's his mother’s fault for being a bigoted bitch. I know it will be hard but you need to go to sleep. We'll find Lance in the morning and figure out what we need to do after we find him.” *** “Justin I’ve called the police. They said that there isn’t much that they can do tonight. They will check with the hospitals, the shelters, and the morgues. They will let the cops patrolling know to look for him but they doubt anything can be done in the dark. In the morning they will be able to check the places a boy in his position would be likely to go to. What the fuck could that bitch of a mother be thinking? Throwing a 16 year-old out in the winter because of a fucking underwear catalog. I'll go talk to her in the morning to see what I can find out. This has to turn out well or Gus will never forgive himself.” “Brian we’ll do everything we possibly can do. Let’s go to bed, we won’t be able to accomplish anything if we are exhausted.” “Justin don’t think about this too much tonight, we don’t want the nightmares to start again.” “Don’t worry Brian I got over what my Dad did to me years ago.” *** “Mrs. Smith you don’t know me but I’m here to find out anything I can to help me find your son. HOw could you throw your son onto the streets because of an underwear catalog?” “I know who you are; you effing queer. Are you happy that you recruited another innocent boy to your disgusting lifestyle? Who was the first one to defile him, you or your boy toy? How long ago did you corrupt him?” “Yes I’m queer but you have to be kidding me if you really believe that I recruited him. I won’t dignify your last questions with answers. Lance is no gayer than you are. An underwear catalog is your proof that you son is a faggot; how fucked is that? Gus tells me that he and Lance just looked at the pictures and laughed at the stupid types of underwear. You did at least make sure he had some money to survive on didn‘t you?” “Looking at pictures of half naked men is queer, the boy proved to be a faggot and I threw him out. I knew that I shouldn’t have let the school talk me into not transferring the boy to another school when he first became friends with Gus. With Gus as his friend it was just a matter of time before you corrupted him. I don’t know if he had any money or not and it doesn’t concern me anymore. The Salvation Army has been here already and taken all of his stuff out of my house. As far as I’m concerned he no longer exists and I have no concerns over his whereabouts. I suppose I should have known that it was destined to happen considering his father’s family. I should have given him up as a baby but I was weak.” “What are you talking about now you sanctimonious witch?” “I had been married about 6 months when my husband’s younger brother came home from college and told the family that he was gay. Since they didn’t throw him out of the family and even embraced his lifestyle I had no choice but to leave my husband so that I wouldn’t be corrupted by their unholy behavior. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after I had left Omaha and moved to Pittsburgh. My ex-husband doesn’t know that Lance exists since I didn’t feel the need to expose the child to that family. All of my work and the work of my church and the boy still turns out queer. I suppose it was destined to happen no matter what I did. Well it's out of my hands now.” “You have no idea how much of a bitch you are do you?” “Kindly leave my home and never come here again. If you find the boy you are welcome to him.” “Do you have any idea of how many words other than Hello Mr. Kinney and Good bye Mr. Kinney Lance has said to me in the 10 years he and Gus have been friends?” “No and I can’t say that I care.” “As far as I can remember absolutely none. I always figured it was because of his shyness but now I’m sure that he was probably deathly afraid that if he spoke to me or Justin he would instantly turn into a queer.” “Like I said he is no longer a concern of mine.” “In case you don’t know Mrs. Smith I’m in advertising; so don’t be surprised to see reports of your behavior in the local news media. I can just see the news story. Local woman throws son out into the snow because she found an underwear catalog in his chest of drawers. Don’t worry about Lance, Justin and I'll make sure he finally has a home he can be comfortable in.” “You don’t scare me since I know that I did the moral thing.” “I thought my mother was a religious fanatic, you make her look like an atheist.” *** “Brian did you find anything out that will help us find Lance?” “I just found out what a hellhole that boy had to grow up in. She actually doesn’t have a clue that she did anything wrong by throwing a 16-year-old boy out into the streets in the middle of December. She left her husband, who doesn’t even know Lance exists, because his family accepted his younger brother when he came out to them. I have never been so close to hitting a woman, as I was when I was listening to her bullshit. She thinks she did the moral thing. It's no wonder the boy is shy, growing up with that witch.” “The police called and told me that they didn’t find anything out last night. That's good since it means that he isn’t in any of the hospitals or morgues. Gus has been wandering the halls all morning. He called everyone he could think of and has them out looking for Lance. We'll have to take him out soon, to look for Lance. or he will explode from frustration. He still blames himself for whatever might have happened to Lance.” “Sunshine, I was thinking on my way back here that maybe we could. . .” “Of course we'll take him in. Gus will finally get a younger sibling, even if he is only a couple of months younger. Gus will be a great big brother.” “Sunshine have I said that I love you lately?” “Everyday when you look at me with love in your eyes. We just have to find Lance before anything happens to him.” “Did you hear that, why is Gus slamming the back door?” *** “Sonnyboy what is the matter? You look like a ghost. Why did you go into the tree house?” “Dad I looked out the window of the spare room and I saw tracks in the yard.” “So?” “It snowed after we left town Friday afternoon. Lance would be the only one who would be going to the tree house since the snowfall.” “Did he leave any indication of where he is now?” “He’s in the tree house.” “Well why didn’t he come back to the house with you?” “Gus is he all right? It has been very cold do we need to call 911?” “Justee, he wouldn't wake up. I yelled at him and I shook him but he wouldn't wake up.” “Oh my God, Justin keep Gus here and call 911 I will go and see what has happened.” *** "Officer, I'm Brian Kinney. I went up into the tree house after my son Gus found his friend up there and couldn't get him awake. I'm pretty sure that Lance is dead." "Are there any indications of foul play sir?" "No he is just curled up on the bed frame like he is asleep." "I can hear the amublance coming up the street I'll just wait for the paramedics before going into the tree house then." "Unless you need me to stay here I'll go deal with my son. Let me know what you find out as soon as possible." "Yes sir, I'll do that." *** "Justin, where is Gus?" "He is calling off the search for Lance by their friends. He had to do something or he would have collapsed in tears. He is enough of his father's son that he couldn't do that, at least not yet, tonight is going to be tough on the boy." "Lance is dead Justin, looks to me like he froze to death. Why didn't he find someplace to stay? He had to know when we were coming home." "Brian you know how shy Lance is -- was. He probably just couldn't bring himself to ask a stranger for help. God Gus is going to be devasted by this. He is going to blame himself for this disaster no matter what we tell him." "It is times like this that I wish he wasn't a Kinney. We are experts at blaming ourselves for situations that we really aren't to blame for." "Brian nothing that happened to me was your fault." "I know that Sunshine, in my head, but my heart says otherwise sometimes. The officer is coming to the house. " “Mr. Kinney, they have taken the body to the Medical Examiners Office where an autopsy will be done to determine the cause of death. I’m guessing that the determination will be accidental death due to exposure. There was a note addressed to your son. It would probably be good for your son to read it. We found no indications of suicide or any way for the boy to have cut himself so even though he mentions killing himself in the note he didn‘t do so and couldn‘t have done so without leaving the tree house.” “Thank you detective, are you sure it's OK to leave it with Gus. Gus isn’t taking this very well, shit; how would any 16-year-old take the death of his best friend. You’re sure he should read this note?” “Yes I think he should. Just don’t lose the notebook in case higher authorities decide they need it. Do you know where his family lives? We'll need to inform them. Though from what is in the the note his mother probably won't care all that much.” “I know the address but the bitch will probably be thrilled that he is dead. She won’t have to deal with having a queer son. Not that Lance was gay but once she decided that she had proof that he was a faggot she threw him out into the streets and didn’t give a damn about his welfare. I would like her to be punished as severely as possible.” “I doubt that the DA will do anything Mr. Kinney. If, as I suspect, the death is ruled an accident then there probably isn’t any charge that can be filed against her. You might be able to file something in civil court. You would have to contact a lawyer about that though. Thank you Mr. Kinney for all of your help. Give my condolences to your son. Just when you think the world is becoming a better place to live something like this rears it’s ugly head and makes you wonder if it really is becoming better.” “Goodbye detective. Please keep me informed on whatever happens with the case. Have the Medical Examiner’s Office contact me about what to do with Lance’s remains; I’m sure that the bitch won’t have anything to do with him. She‘ll probably tell you that he got what he deserved. A boy is dead because of an underwear catalog.” *** "Gus, Lance is dead." "No, he can't be dead. He is too young to be dead, he was always a deep sleeper. They should just take him to the hospital and warm him up, then he will wake up and everything will be back to normal. He can stay here with us and everything will be normal." "Gus, listen to me, Lance is dead, he froze to death. There is nothing we can do but go on with our lives." "Ok Dad, I'm sorry about that outburst." "Gus don't hold your feelings inside, that won't help you get over this situation. This is not the time to display your Kinney bravado." "I'm Ok Uncle Justin, I need to finish calling off the search." “Gus the detective thought that you should read this note that Lance wrote. They are sure that he didn‘t actually kill himself no matter what he wrote in the note. They are sure that he died from exposure. Do you need some privacy while you read it?” “Dad just read it to us.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, I don’t think I could read anything right now. Why did something like this have to happen because of an underwear catalog?” “Prejudice makes no sense most of the time Gus. His mother decided he was gay for no good reason and then her biases took over whatever sense she might have had. She will pay as much as we can possibly make her pay.” “Gus if it gets too difficult for you to hear just say something and I’ll stop.” “Ok Dad, just read the damn thing.” “Gus I’m leaving this letter here so that you will know what happened to me. Friday night when I got home from Christmas shopping my mother met me at the door and informed that me that I wasn’t welcome in her home anymore. That I was no longer her son. She had found that underwear catalog that you had brought over so that we could make fun of the stupid types of shorts in it. That catalog proved to her that I was a faggot and she couldn’t have an effing queer polluting her home. She said some nasty things about you, your Dad and your Uncle Justin but I couldn’t really understand what she was saying since I still was having problems with the idea that I was gay. I mean shouldn’t I know whether I’m gay or not? I’ve been showering with other boys for years now and not once have I been interested in any of them. Wouldn’t I know if I was interested? I know I’ve never looked at any other guy like your Dad looks at your Uncle Justin. I’ve never started glowing because some guy looked at me like your Uncle Justin glows when he knows that your Dad is looking at him. How long have they been together yet they still are so in love with each other that it's obvious just by looking at them? How can I be gay if I have no desire whatsoever to touch another guy? But my mother and our church say I’m gay so I guess I’m gay. I don’t want to be gay. I never said a word to your Dad or your Uncle Justin that I absolutely didn’t have to since my mother made me believe that would contaminate me. They must really think I'm stuck up since I won't talk to them. Did the few times I was in your house contaminate me and cause me to be gay without my knowing it? Did you ever think I was gay and didn’t tell me? I just stood there and stared at her and I tried to explain why I had the catalog but she just shut the door in my face. I waited for a while thinking that she was just making a joke and would let me in but pretty soon all of the lights were turned off and so I decided that she wasn’t joking. I had been Christmas shopping so I had some money. I just left the presents on the doorstep. I didn’t want to spend all of my money on a motel room and I remembered your tree house so I walked over and spent the night there. It got cold when it started snowing but it wasn’t too bad. Saturday morning I went back home to see if my mother had changed her mind and to get a heavier coat. When I got to the house I saw the last of my belongings being loaded into a Salvation Army truck by my mother and my minister. Iknew then and there that I really must be gay and not worthy of living with my mother if my minister went along with her. I remembered what you had told me about the gay part of Pittsburgh so I walked over to Liberty Avenue. After all if I’m gay I should start living in the gay neighborhood. It's still hard to get used to the idea that I’m gay. I figured I would find a place to eat and then start looking for a job and a place to live. It was 3 in the afternoon before I finally found a place to eat. There weren’t many people in the Diner so I was able to order and eat without attracting too much notice. If I’m gay shouldn’t I want other guys to notice me? As I was leaving, around 4, an old woman in a red wig was coming in the door and she told me to come back soon Dumpling, do I look like a dumpling, Gus? I then spent the rest of the afternoon just walking down Liberty Avenue and window-shopping I just couldn’t find the guts to actually go into any of the stores let alone the bars. I don’t have a fake ID so I probably couldn’t get into a bar if I tried. If I’m gay why did all of those guys kissing, holding hands, hugging, and even more give me the creeps. Before I knew it the sun went down and I was standing under a lamppost just as it turned on. This short dark haired old guy walked up to me and asked me what I was doing out of the chicken coop and that I should run home to Mommy. Then he just started laughing and walked away and went into some dance club called Bablyon. His comment reminded me that I didn’t have anywhere to stay the night. His laughing at me made me realize that I was just a silly little boy who didn’t know what to do with his life. Who knew being gay would be so hard to figure out? I suppose being gay and all I should have just asked some guy on the street if I could spend the night with him but I just couldn’t do that. I walked back to your house and spent the night in the tree house again. When I woke up this morning it was so cold I almost decided to try going back home again. I decided that would be a waste of time so I just wandered the streets. Walking helped warm me up. I bought this notebook and pencil when I got lunch. I’m almost out of money and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I came back to the tree house and started writing this note. I decided that my life is over, my mother will have nothing to do with me because she decided that I’m queer yet I know that I’m not gay. I don’t have anyplace to stay, I don’t have any money to live on, and I’m too shy to ask for help from strangers. It's getting so cold maybe it won’t hurt any if I cut my wrists since I can’t feel my fingers. I’m sorry Gus I should be stronger but you’ve known me for 10 years and you know that I’m not strong. I just hope you aren’t the one to find me. I think I'll take a nap before I do the deed. Good bye Gus while I know I’m not gay I do know that I love you like the brother that neither of us ever had. Lance. “I loved him like a brother too. What am I going to do; he is dead because of me.” “Gus you know that isn’t true.” “Do I Uncle Justin? This all started because of an underwear catalog that I took to his house.” “Gus, listen to me, that woman was just looking for an excuse. She has been sure that Lance was imperfect since before he was born. She used the underwear catalog as an excuse, if it hadn’t been that she would have found another reason to justify her beliefs. Gus I would take all of your pain if I could but I know that's impossible. Grieve for your friend but don’t let it take control of your life. Lance wouldn’t want you to ruin your life and Gus remember that Lance didn’t kill himself it was just a tragic accident.” “I’ll try Dad but it's going to be so hard. Why is life so unfair? I better go call everyone and finish calling off the search.” “Gus don’t be afraid to ask us or anyone else in the family if you need help getting over this tragic event.” “OK Uncle Justin but don’t make me anything for supper I don’t think I could eat anything without throwing it up 10 minutes later. Good night Dad, Uncle Justin. I’ll see you in the morning. “Night Sonnyboy.” “Good night Gus.” *** "Brian wake up. Gus is screaming." "We knew it was going to happen, let's go, he probably needs us now more than he has ever needed us in his life." “Gus come here, let it out. I know that you feel terrible but crying will help you get through the pain. Don‘t worry Gus I‘ll hold you tight and I won‘t let you fall.” “Justee it’s all my fault. I lent him the catalog. I wasn’t here when he came looking for help. I didn’t think to check the tree house as soon as we knew he was missing. It’s all my fault.” “Gus it isn’t your fault in any way. It was the intolerance of his bitch of a mother. You wouldn‘t have been here even if you hadn‘t gone to Vermont with me and your Dad.” “Uncle Justin, what is going to happen to Mrs. Smith? She should pay for throwing Lance away.” “Gus we’ll do what we can but you can’t blame yourself in anyway.” “I’ll try Dad but it will be hard. How could anyone do what she did?” “If I knew the answer to that Sonnyboy I could prevent it from happening.” "Now try to go back to sleep, we'll be here watching after you. You have nothing to be afraid of and nothing to blame yourself for." "Thanks Uncle Justin, I love you two so much it hurts." *** “Brian I’m glad that you were there for me when my Dad threw me away. I might have ended the same way as Lance.” “No Sunshine you would have never ended up like Lance. You wouldn’t have been too shy to ask for help. You had people who would have helped you out if I hadn’t. It was just bad luck that we were out of town when this all came down. But mark my words Justin the bitch will pay. She is not going to get off without paying a price and I don’t mean money.” “I agree that she should be punished but we can’t go overboard since that won’t let Gus get on with his life.” “Well Sunshine I’m going to have to disagree with you here, I’ll bet that Sonnyboy is already starting one of his plans to make the witch pay.” “What does that mean?” “What is he doing right now?” “He is finally asleep." “I hope so but I think it is more likely that he is plotting what he and his friends can do to make Lance's mother's life miserable." “I wouldn’t take that bet on any odds. We have done a good job raising that boy haven’t we?” “Yes Sunshine we have.”