Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta...you’re the greatest! I would also like to thank everyone who previewed the chapters for me.
Author’s Comments: For those of you missed Melanie and Lindsay’s counseling sessions, be sure to catch up on Chapters 3, 4, and 5 of “More Sessions In Pitts”. For everyone else this story continues with frequent updates. Thanks to everyone for your support during my protracted absence.
Chapter 27 – Why Don’t You Join Me Saturday Afternoon… (Day 62) “Melanie?” Ben said, walking over to her booth at the Diner to greet her. “Ben…” Melanie whispered, in return, with some surprise. “Are you alone? Where’s Lindsay?” Ben asked as he started to lean against the side of the booth. “She had some things that she wanted to do. I’ve agreed to meet up with her later,” Melanie responded with a smile. “So, if you’ve got some time, why don’t you join me?” Ben nodded as he slid into the booth across from her. “Hunter told me that you were all in town,” Ben whispered, “But I wasn’t sure if I’d get a chance to see you…with everything being the way it is and all,” he added sadly, “But, I did see JR earlier when I stopped in to see Michael.” “So…you stopped into to see HIM, that’s….” “Don’t read anything into it!” Ben protested, holding up his hands to block her thoughts. Melanie noticed the gesture and simply smiled. All conversation was momentarily interrupted as Kiki came over to take their order. Afterwards, the friends resumed talking. “So how have you been?” Ben easily asked, once they were alone again. “If you’re asking how things are between me and Lindsay, let me stop you right there!” Melanie challenged in response. “It was only a simple question.” Ben responded with a slight smile. “You don’t have to be quite so touchy, you know?” There was a protracted silence now between them until Ben began to try again. “Right…so what did you have in mind? Are we both just going to sit here, in silence, and try not to talk about what’s going on with both of us? Because if we’re going to dance around each other like this, I can easily change my order to to-go. I do have a home where there’s peace and quiet, you know?” “I’m sorry, Ben. I know that we’re family and all. It’s just that this is all very hard. It’s not anything that I didn’t already know; it isn’t even something that I didn’t come to terms with a long time ago; it’s just that every time I have to deal with it….it makes me crazy,” Melanie tried to explain softly, allowing her sadness and vulnerability to show. It’s true, she had accepted the bond between Lindsay and Brian, a long time ago. But as she was reminded over these last weeks… accepting the reality of the situation and living with its consequences were two entirely different things. Melanie looked at Ben and tried to smile as she understood that they were partners-in-pain. “Of course, you don’t have to explain it to me. Forget the fact that I watched my partner demand that his best friend leave his new life partner to be there… waiting for him sometime in the future. It wasn’t even about the lifelong bond between Brian and Michael….it was the fact that I had been so discounted in the process. That had never happened before. It was as if I really didn’t matter…like I was already dead,” Ben quietly admitted. “I intend to be around for a very long time. I now understand…I now realize… that my partner…had different plans in mind.” “I know that it might seem that way, but you have to know how much Michael loves you.” Once again, conversation was interrupted as this time Kiki delivered their orders. “That’s not what this is about…” Ben confirmed, once they were alone again. “But…” Melanie challenged even though she secretly understood what Ben was saying. “Look Melanie, do you remember when Justin left Brian for Ethan?” Ben asked. “You mean when Brian was being an asshole and wouldn’t simply tell Justin how much he cared about him? Yeah…” she answered. Melanie looked at Ben, trying to figure out where he was going with this obvious non-sequitur. “I want you to think back…remember, Justin didn’t leave because he didn’t love Brian anymore.” “No, I guess not,” she quietly had to admit. “Justin has loved Brian since the first moment he first met him.” “Right…Justin left because he needed something…something he obviously felt he couldn’t live without any longer.” “Ben, I love this trip down memory lane, but Brian and Justin are just fine…more than fine, I would say.” Ben quickly cut her off. “There were things that Brian was unable or unwilling to give Justin at the time.” “Look, we both know that Brian can be an asshole. But…” “Yet, whenever the two of them were in the same room together, you could always see how much they loved and cared for each other.” “So what’s your point?” “As much as Justin loved Brian, it didn’t stop him from leaving.” “But Justin and Brian got back together.” “Only after they figured out that they really wanted to be together. After they both learned what it took to be together,” Ben said quietly. “Then they were each willing to fight for it. They were even willing to sacrifice to preserve it.” Then Ben paused for a moment before continuing. “That’s why Brian is now working from Kinnetik-New York instead of Kinnetik-Pittsburgh,” Ben pointed out with a smile. “How did you know about that?” Melanie asked in shock. Ben simply shrugged. “Haven’t you seen it? Think about it? In the last few months, when was the last time you’ve seen them apart from each other for any length of time? Then their legal union happened!” Then Ben simply smiled again. “Brian’s opening a New York office is the only thing that makes sense. Justin still needs to be in there. Brian clearly wants to be with Justin. For some reason, he obviously doesn’t want the family to know about it yet.” “Have you said anything to anyone about your suspicions?” Melanie practically whispered. “Only to you…” “And this has what to do with you and Michael?” “Michael and I are apart because we haven’t figured out how to be together. We love each other. We’re married. But that doesn’t change the fact that we each need things that one can’t give the other.” “But, I’ve seen you and Michael together….” “That changes nothing….” Ben pointed out. “Now you see why I’ve always felt the way that I do about Brian,” Melanie said with a sigh. “But don’t you see. This has nothing to do with Brian. All Brian’s been doing is trying to live his life. He made changes over the years so that he and Justin could be together. Brian likes who he is. I’m not even sure that Michael, and maybe even Lindsay, truly see the man that he has become. They are still fighting to hold onto the person that they once knew….a person that he stopped being years ago.” “I know. I always thought that Brian was the problem…that he was the one holding on to Lindsay. I now know differently.” “This isn’t about Brian. This is about my partner that is so locked into a past childhood promise that he can’t see anything in the real world of the present. Unfortunately, I’m very much here in the present.” “And I’m really glad that you are.” Melanie added lovingly, reaching out to gently touch his arm. “Just promise me that you won’t do anything rash. This will work itself out in time between you and Michael… just like it did for Brian and Justin,” she assured him. “What makes you so sure?” “Right now, Lindsay can’t bear to see Brian planning and living his life either, without consulting her at every turn. She always wanted to hold onto him. It’s as if she thinks that she’ll suddenly lose him completely.” “They’ve always been very close.” “Our relationship maybe falling apart, but all she can see is that Brian has somehow slipped away. He seems to have been growing away from her. Now that he has, she doesn’t know what to do with all her feelings…or anything else. But I do know that Lindsay is trying to figure things out. I wouldn’t still be here otherwise.” “That’s very understanding of you,” Ben said sarcastically. “At least the two of you are trying to work things out.” “We love each other Ben. We’re committed to each other. We have to at least try…because every time that we’ve separated in the past, we always fight so hard to get back together. So if we’re going to separate, once again, it can’t be a revolving door. It really does have to be the end. In some ways we’re no different than Brian and Justin…except without all that fucking...of course.” “Of course…” Ben added with a smile “But enough about all this…how was Michael when you saw him?” “He was very excited that JR is visiting. But, of course, you know that!” “That’s not what I mean and you know it,” Melanie mock protested, with a knowing smile. “He’s always happy to see his daughter.” “Look Melanie, things have been really awkward between Michael and me. Today was the first time that we’ve had anything to say to each other in weeks.” “I know that it’s hard Ben, but give it some more time. Don’t close any doors.” “I don’t have to close the doors. Michael already did that… weeks ago.” “C’mon you know how he is. You know how Michael has always thought of Brian as his own personal property. He and Lindsay are a lot alike in that regard.” “You don’t seem to understand do you,” Ben quietly suggested. “This isn’t about Michael’s feelings for Brian. This is about Michael’s actions. He demanded that Brian leave Justin so that his own future would be assured. Forget that was the ultimate act of selfishness! I have a husband that really cannot deal with my HIV status. I have a husband that is looking forward to his future after my demise. I can’t live with that. So this isn’t about loving each other…this is about life choices. I want more for myself than this.” “So you don’t see any hope for things to change?” “Michael and I have to find a way to co-exist for the sake of Hunter and JR and everyone else. Beyond that, I just don’t see it. And when you think about it, it really isn’t fair to either of us to continue to live this fantasy life. It’s not real.” The sadness of the moment was evident between them. Melanie was still hoping that things would return to some semblance of normalcy between her and Lindsay, while Ben was clear about the prospects for his future. Now that they had reached this level of understanding, Melanie endeavored to change the subject. “Em told us that Michael now knows that Divina Devore is his father. How is he really taking the news?” “It’s a shock. You definitely have to admit that. He’s really excited about the prospect of having a dad, but at the same time, as you can imagine, right now, he’s angry with Debbie for keeping the secret for so long.” “We can’t judge Debbie’s actions; after all, she was only seventeen.” “Four years ago would have been the perfect time for her to come clean, when Michael first began to suspect the truth. He begged everyone for the truth. I think he might have forgiven her back then. But Debbie had her own reasons for continuing this lie. Now, even I’m not sure about the outcome.” “Give it time, Ben…” “Hunter is pretty excited about the prospect though. He’s already had a chance to see Divina out of drag. According to his description, Divina…I’m sorry…Daniel as he prefers to be called…really looks a lot like Michael. I understand that now that the truth is out in the open, this is going to be such an adventure for Hunter as well as Daniel and Michael.” “This is going to be an adventure for us all.” “Let’s wait and see how this plays out. I know that Michael has waited a lifetime for this moment. This is like another childhood fantasy come-true. We’ll have to wait and see how this goes. Thirty five years is a long time to dream.” “What are you really worried about?” “Michael may retreat so far into the past…into his childhood. He may never escape this time. There won’t be a Debbie there to steer him through treacherous waters. There won’t even be a Brian there to catch him when he falls. Michael has such high hopes for his relationship with his dad. No matter how things are between him and me, I don’t want to see him hurt or disappointed.” “Ben, we’re all going to be there for Michael. Brian isn’t going anywhere. Look, the fact that he is in town now is proof that he hasn’t turned his back on us. Brian and Justin and everyone else will still be there for Michael,” Melanie added. Ben just nodded. “Besides, Michael has never been able to stay mad at Debbie for very long...no matter what she’s done over the years. He’ll eventually come to terms with this too. In the meantime, we’re all here for him,” she added. “I should know that, shouldn’t I?” Ben asked with a smile. “We’re all still here for you too,” Melanie added, reaching across the table to once again squeeze his hand. Ben simply smiled. Then Melanie happened to look up at the clock. “It’s time for me to go. I have to meet Lindsay,” she said hurriedly. “Sure, you go ahead,” Ben said quietly. “Will I see you at dinner tomorrow?” “I don’t know. I’m not sure. I don’t want to…” Ben stumbled through his response. “Cut the bullshit, Ben! You’d better not let Debbie hear you vacillating like this,” Melanie said with a laugh. “You know she’ll have your balls!” she added with another laugh. “I don’t want to make Michael uncomfortable.” “Even if Michael shows up, there will be enough people there who’ll want to see you. Remember, Brian and Justin are in town. Besides Debbie’s going to need you.” “I don’t know….” “Think about it,” she said with a smile. Then she leaned down to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek before she left.