Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta…you’re the greatest! Chapter 5 – The Walk To Remember Saturday Afternoon…(Day 62) After their session, Lindsay suggested that she and Melanie take a walk together. For Lindsay so much had come up in the session, and she wanted a chance to talk about her feelings with Melanie before they returned to Debbie’s. “You know, I never liked the silence between us,” Melanie admitted, as she agreed to take that walk with Lindsay. “I know that you don’t. That’s what made the last few weeks so frightening. You wouldn’t really say anything. You were polite…yet distant. I had no idea what you were thinking,” Lindsay said softly. “And now you know…” “I don’t like the idea of you thinking that we should go our separate ways. I want us to stay together. You have to know that.” “I know that. But I don’t think our staying together just for the sake of being together makes sense. I don’t want to live in a shell a relationship. If we were going to do that, then we should separate and build separate lives. Gus and Jenny would eventually learn to cope. But I don’t want to live in a relationship where I really don’t matter.” “That’s just it. You do matter. You’re really what’s most important to me. My friendship with Brian is important, but not more important than what we have. I love our family and our life. I love working at the art gallery. I admit that the one in Toronto isn’t as satisfying as working for the Bloom Gallery. Sydney gave me a lot more opportunities and a lot more responsibilities. I felt like I made a difference. Working at the Toronto Gallery is merely a job.” “Is that why Paris keeps coming up…because you’re unhappy in your current job?” “I’m sure that probably has a lot to do with it. But even more than that, I just want to make a new beginning with you. Paris just seemed like a good place to start. After thinking about it, I can see that it probably was a fantasy.” “You know, we did talk about moving to someplace new.” “I know. It’s just that in the last few weeks, we haven’t said much of anything to each other. Now I hear that you seem to be thinking that we should go our separate ways. I don’t know what to think.” “I’m just not sure about you sometimes. You say one thing in counseling, but when we return to the outside world, I hear something entirely different. I’m just not sure sometimes where I…and even the kids stand with you. You look at Justin…you look at Justin with Brian...I know that you once had dreams. But like Michael, if you continue to cling to those dreams so tenaciously…dreams will be all that you have. Because nowhere in those dreams, do the kids and I fit in. Surely, you see that.” “Of course, I see that,” Lindsay stated emphatically. “I’m sure that it’s simply because our life just seems to be such a struggle right now. I just don’t see an end in sight. I want more. I don’t know how to make things better for us. So I guess, like Michael, I drift into fantasy, and Brian is the perfect fantasy.” “So you really are that unhappy?” Melanie asked calmly. “Things just aren’t working out the way that we planned. Surely, you see that we’re so isolated in Toronto. Money is tight. Things just aren’t working.” “So, that’s what you see is the problem?” “That’s a large part of it. I think things between us would improve if our living together were easier.” “Lindsay, that’s just its. We co-exist together…I’m not even sure that we’re living together. We don’t seem to be focused on the same goals. You’re obviously unfulfilled in this relationship, or your art wouldn’t suddenly become such as issue at this moment. Something must have happened to reawaken this sleeping giant.” “I work in an art gallery where I see people with less talent than I have, selling their paintings. I want to have a chance to have it all. Why should I have to sacrifice everything?” “I see. I know a few years ago, Sam Auerbach seemed to reawaken the artist within you. Of course, there was more to that than just your art, wasn’t it?” “How can you bring that up now? I thought you had forgiven me for all that.” “This isn’t about forgiveness. I’ve heard Brian say this to Justin over the years, and I never quite understood it before…but I think that I see it now.” “What is that?” “It’s your decision where you want to be.” “That’s not fair!” “I have often wondered if this relationship would ever be enough for you. Watching you try to deal with the loss of Brian, and now the loss of your artistic future, I have to wonder, once again. What the kids and I have to offer must pale by comparison. In fact, I’m having a hard time understanding why you’re trying to hold on so tenaciously. Is it just that this is familiar? Is it just that you don’t want to be alone? What is it? Because, from what I see, there is nothing HERE motivating you to want to stay. All the things that you seem to want to make you happy seem to exist outside of us…outside of this relationship.” “Melanie!” “I’m not saying this to make you uncomfortable. I’m not saying this to hurt you. I think if you give yourself some time to look at things, you too will see what I see. I just can’t seem to find a place in your life. It’s just how I feel.” “Then what you’re saying is that there is no hope for us,” Lindsay said as the tears started, once again, to slide down her cheeks. Melanie handed her a tissue. “I’m looking for a reason to hope,” she added quietly. “You have to know that I love you,” Lindsay argued. “Lindsay, you say that so often. I don’t know whether you love me or not.” “How can you say that?” “Think about it Lindsay, in the last two weeks, since you learned of the new status of the relationship between Brian and Justin, when was the last time that you thought about me?” Melanie asked quietly. For this Lindsay had no answer. Melanie and Lindsay walked a little bit further in silence before Melanie finally said, “It’s okay…an answer really isn’t necessary.” Then she tried to force a smile. They continued walking a little further. “Look, you mentioned that there was some shopping that you wanted to get done. I have a few errands that I’d like to run too. Why don’t we go do these things and meet each other back at Debbie’s later?” “Sure…” Lindsay finally agreed. “But, Melanie, please don’t make any decisions about us just yet.” “Don’t get melodramatic. I’m not running away, we’re only going shopping,” Melanie tried to say cheerfully. She leaned over and gently kissed Lindsay on her cheek. “I’ll see you a little later.” And with that Lindsay and Melanie walked off in different directions.
Author’s Comment: This story once again will reconnect with “The Return Of Divina Devore” at Chapter 25 - 27.