Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta…you’re the greatest! Chapter 4 – Session 7 Continues Saturday…(Day 62) “Lindsay, the issue of the artist-in-residence program seems to be very important to you…specifically the artist-in-residence program in Paris. Tell me what’s so important about Paris,” Elizabeth asked. Melanie didn’t like this line of questioning, as she indicated by rolling her eyes. But she accepted that Elizabeth knew what she was doing, so she tried to exhibit some patience to let events unfold. “You’ve got to admit that Paris would be a wonderful place for us to make a new start. We could put all the upsets and the disappointments behind us and begin things again…renewed,” Lindsay said wistfully. “What makes you think that a new place will be different?” Elizabeth asked. “When I was a little girl, my parents would occasionally have disagreements. My mother would pack Lynette and me up and take us to some far away place for a visit. Then we returned home, and things would get back to normal,” Lindsay said, lapsing into a childlike voice. “I’m sure those are wonderful memories of your childhood…but you aren’t a child anymore. You and Melanie have already made “one great escape” to Toronto. Then you just swept everything under the rug and moved on. How long did it take for everything that you were trying to run away from to resurface there…even though you were in this new place?” Elizabeth suggested. Lindsay thought about things for a moment and realized that the answer was obvious. “It really didn’t take long,” she had to admit. “Besides, if you’re now thinking about refocusing on your art career, when were you planning to spend time focused on your relationship and your family? If I remember, all the things that you’ve said about art and Justin…art really is a jealous mistress,” Elizabeth suggested. “And isn’t that why you’re supposed to be so upset with Justin?” Melanie interrupted, “Because you feel that Justin can’t concentrate on his art AND his relationship with Brian at the same time? One or the other is bound to suffer…at least that’s what you’ve been saying for the last year,” she added. “How are things supposed to be different for you? I was just curious...” “Justin and I are at different points in our career. It’s not the same!” Lindsay fired back quickly, without thinking. She was beginning to feel like she was cornered in a situation of her own creation. “But don’t you think it would be exactly just like Justin?” Melanie suggested, “Especially if you’re trying to take your career as a painter to the next level. You already acknowledged that Justin is a great talent, and yet he’s constantly locked away in his studio. I would think you would have to work even harder than he does to achieve any results. You would also have to be patient. Don’t you think the career that you’re considering would take a good deal of time…years maybe?” “I suppose,” Lindsay, once again, had to admit. She could hear where this line of reasoning was going, and she realized the truth of what she was hearing, but she was having a hard time letting go of her dream. “What are Melanie and the kids supposed to do while you’re building this career? Where do they fit into your future scheme?” Elizabeth asked patiently. “I figure they would be supporting me…just like Brian supports Justin,” Lindsay quickly pointed out, hoping this would deflect the current argument. “Okay, I can see that,” Elizabeth acknowledged. “What you’re suggesting might take care of your needs to be an artist. I can imagine that you foresee a glorious future for yourself as an artist. But what about Melanie, Gus, and Jenny…what do you see for them while you pursue this career? What’s in it for them?” Once again Lindsay was silent. She tried to find some answer to these burning questions that Elizabeth was asking. As she sat there pondering the questions, Lindsay seemed to have a moment of insight. Finally she said, “You make me sound so selfish.” “Really?” Elizabeth asked, with an intonation in her voice to suggest that Lindsay’s observation was a complete surprise to her. “How is that possible?” “You make it seem like all I do is think about me. You make it seem like nowhere in my plans did I factor in Melanie and the kids. You make it seem like all I had laid out was a glamorous life for me…a great fantasy!” “There ARE a few other people to consider, don’t you think?” Elizabeth suggested. “I guess I figured just as we moved to Toronto…that we could move to Paris. Just as I got a job there, I thought that Melanie could get a position as a lawyer in Paris. The kids would grow from the experience. I just thought it would be perfect.” “Lindsay, forget about me for a second,” Melanie said quietly. “Gus is six, and Jenny is two. Right now they both need their fathers to become well rounded little people. They also need the love of all the people in our little family more than anything. Don’t you think they both may be a little young to reap the benefits of living in Paris?” “And if you’re going to be busy intensely pursuing your art…and if Melanie were working as an attorney…you’re both going to be rather busy…especially when you factor in, another language and another culture. I have to ask, what about the kids? When would either of you have time for them or for each other? How would the two of you help the little ones adjust? I’m just asking…because I’m sure that you see a clearer vision, that Melanie and I are probably missing,” Elizabeth suggested. “Why don’t you help us see what you see?” Lindsay was silent for a moment. Both Melanie and Elizabeth sat there patiently waiting for her to continue. “I just thought it would be a dream-come-true for everyone. I thought that being in Europe would be like living a fairy tale for the kids. Think of all that they would learn. But then again…maybe, I didn’t really think it through,” Lindsay finally admitted quietly. “I just never considered my marriage to be that traditional. I never figured that I had to give up everything for my kids.” “Maybe not everything, Lindsay, but you have to be willing to give up something for your kids. Somewhere along the line, Gus and Jenny have to feel like they’re most important to you,” Elizabeth added. “But, I am the primary care giver for our kids,” Lindsay challenged. “Maybe it’s time for Melanie to do more. After all, they are her kids too.” “I’m never going to be the kind of mother that you are Lindsay.” Melanie reiterated quietly. “I’ve said that over and over. I love our kids…both of them. I mother differently than you. You have to allow me that latitude. I try to make sure our kids have what they need. I’m not going to let you make me feel guilty about that. But never doubt how much I love them.” “I’m sorry. You have admitted your limitations. And you have made sure that Gus gets to spend time with Brian and Justin, as you promised. I really understand your acknowledging that you can’t do it all. I just wish….” Lindsay said sadly. “I know…” Melanie agreed. Elizabeth decided that it was time for her to mention the obvious here. “Lindsay, I’ve heard you talk about what you want in terms of a career. I’ve heard you talk about what you want for the kids. Yet, nowhere in this discussion, did I hear you mention Melanie…except that you want her to practice law in Paris. Doesn’t that seem a little odd to you, especially since you requested this session saying that you wanted to save your relationship with her?” “Oh, my god!” Lindsay said in horror. “I’ve gone on and on about these things that really don’t matter…rather than talk about what really is most important. And my relationship with Melanie is the most important thing. Without her, the rest doesn’t really matter!” “I see,” Elizabeth said quietly. “I can understand the fantasies are much easier to construct. Reality can be a really scary place.” “I’m not Michael! I’m not Michael! I’m not Michael!” Lindsay protested repeatedly, with her voice elevating with each repetition. “I live in the real world. I don’t create fantasies to help me get through the day like he does. Michael can’t deal with Ben’s chronic illness, so he lapses back to a childhood fantasy to help him cope. Unfortunately, he lost sight of the line between the fantasy and reality and tried to make sure his fantasy didn’t fade away. Brian’s legalizing things with Justin reinforced that Brian and Michael would never be a couple. Michael just snapped. And in his fight to hold on to fantasy, he lost everything that was real…he lost Ben. I’m still fighting to hold on to my relationship with Melanie. I really do want things to get better. That was the reason that we started counseling in the first place, and I’m still committed to that!” “It appears that you still have a few fantasies of your own?” Melanie pointed out. “And it’s okay to dream. But just like Ben wasn’t a part of Michael’s fantasies…I sometimes don’t feel like I’m a part of yours either. This Paris thing is just one example.” Lindsay listened to Melanie and thought about what she just said. For the first time she understood that if she continued to pursue her dream of Paris, it could cost her everything. This prospect scared Lindsay, so once again she broke down in tears. Melanie decided to allow Lindsay her moment of tears, while she raised a subject that was pressing on her own mind. “Elizabeth, while Lindsay is gathering herself together, I need to talk to you about something that happened last night.” Elizabeth looked over at Lindsay, who quickly nodded that she was okay. “Sure, Melanie, go ahead. Lindsay, you’ll let us know when you’re ready for us to continue, won’t you?” “I just need some time,” Lindsay admitted. “So, please go ahead, what Melanie is suggesting is really important too.” “Melanie…” Elizabeth said with a nod. Melanie began, “Michael, Jenny’s father, always believed that his own father died in Vietnam two weeks after he was born. He always had visions of his father as a war hero. However, over the last few days, he just found out that his father is very much alive. He just found out that his father didn’t die in Vietnam. His father is instead a world famous female impersonator, who happens to be appearing in town this weekend. Michael just found out that Debbie has lied to him for 35 years,” she explained. “Brian had Emmett tell us last night, so that we would know the facts and wouldn’t bombard Debbie with a lot of stupid questions,” Lindsay added. “This has got to be a difficult time for her too.” “Brian also wanted us to be there for both Michael and Debbie…without being judgmental,” Melanie suggested. “And can you do that?” Elizabeth asked. “After all, you’re a mother, and Michael is the father of your daughter. Can you suspend all judgment?” “I don’t know,” Melanie admitted. “After all, Debbie began the lie when she was only 17. She did it because she wanted to give Michael a father he could be proud of. At 17, she didn’t stop to think about the long term consequences of what she was doing. I’m sure that she believed that the truth would never come to light.” “When you’re 17, some times you think you’re invincible. You also think that you can control Fate,” Elizabeth commented, with a smile of understanding. “There is no age limit to that,” Melanie commented with a smile. “I’m much older than 17, and to a certain extent, I’ve been trying to do the same things. I’ve tried to control everything involving my daughter since before Jenny Rebecca was born.” “What do you mean?” Elizabeth asked. Melanie continued, “As much as I love Michael and Debbie, I clearly want Jenny Rebecca to grow up to be different…I don’t my daughter to use either of them as a role model. I want her to want more from life. Over the last two years, I’ve come to realize that just as Gus needs Brian, Jenny needs Michael and Debbie to help her to grow into a total person. Debbie and Michael and even Ben and Hunter, dote on her in ways that Lindsay and I don’t.” “So, what you are saying is that you see the benefit of an extended family?” Elizabeth asked to be sure that she understood what was being said. “Yes,” Melanie confirmed for her. “And that’s why you travel back here every month so Jenny Rebecca can spend time with the rest of the family?” “Yes. Before we started coming here to see you, Michael and Ben would come to Toronto once a month to see our daughter. Each time Jenny Rebecca sees them she gets the extra attention that she seems to crave…without me having to deal with Debbie and Michael smothering her on a day-to-day basis, and without them telling me how to raise my daughter. Lindsay and I still have to make the decisions that are best for her. We still need to decide what will give her the best chances in life.” “I can see that. But I also get the feeling that there’s something that you’re not telling me,” Elizabeth quietly suggested. Then she waited to see if more was going to be said. “I’m really not much different than Debbie,” Melanie quietly admitted. “How so?” Elizabeth asked. Melanie began to answer her. “Debbie told a lie to give Michael a father he could be proud of. I keep my daughter in Toronto, so that she will not be over-influenced by …” “A father that’s still child-like and a grandmother that is totally outrageous and over-the-top,” Lindsay quickly added, helping her partner find the words. “We love them both…but they are who they are. We both agree that we want more than this for our daughter.” “I see that you two are in agreement on this,” Elizabeth commented. “I’m just starting to wonder if I’ve made a mistake,” Melanie suggested. “I admit we’ve know Debbie and Michael for years. I may have been hypercritical. I may have been judgmental. I never once stopped to imagine the underlying reasons that Debbie is, the way she is…and Michael is, the way he is.” “I’m afraid that I’m guilty of the same things,” Lindsay added. “I admit that I made allowances for Brian over the years because I understood why he was, the way he was. His childhood was terrible. I never stopped to think what past events might be impacting Debbie and Michael to make them the way they are. I never even stopped to consider.” Melanie continued, “I admit that Debbie has spent a lifetime smothering Michael. And Michael and Brian have been best friends since they were 14. So whenever Michael got into trouble, Debbie was always content to blame Brian. So, Michael doesn’t really understand about accepting responsibility. Even with Jenny Rebecca, he fought for his rights, but he doesn’t think about supporting her…not that we expect him to. At the moment for him, she’s like a china doll…something to be played with.” “For most of his life, there has always been someone to blame. Now Michael still seems to expect it. He still has a few life lessons to learn,” Lindsay suggested. “But then I’m probably not in a position to talk. Michael and I really aren’t that different. We’ve both always looked to Brian to get us out of whatever mess we get ourselves into. And I guess neither of us had to take any responsibility for things. It was just easier to blame Brian,” Lindsay admitted. “I was guilty of the same thing. I blamed Brian for all the problems between us too,” Melanie said to Lindsay. “The problems between us are really of our own making. That means that fixing them is going to have to be between us as well. And we have to do it without fantasies and unrealistic expectations.” “You mean, we have to do it by hard work,” Lindsay admitted with a smile. “Of course, I’m always glad to hear you say that,” Elizabeth added with a smile. “Well, our time is up for today. I know that we still have a lot to talk about. I was hoping that we could meet tomorrow morning. I need to be sure that things are okay before you go back to Toronto.” Melanie and Lindsay looked at each other for confirmation, and then they both agreed that meeting tomorrow would work in their schedule. Finally, everyone said their goodbyes.