Lois and Carolyn, thanks for the beta...you’re the greatest! I would also like to thank everyone who previewed the chapters for me.
Chapter 10 – The Talk Tuesday Afternoon…(Day 58) “Jennifer, what are you doing here at this hour?” Debbie had to ask, greeting her guest with a kiss on the cheek. “Carl called. He said you weren’t feeling well. So I thought that I come over and have a late lunch with you. Have you eaten? I brought us some soup and a salad,” Jennifer answered, as she made her way into the kitchen. “You realize that this wasn’t necessary,” Debbie tried to mildly protest, when in truth, she was glad for the company. Without saying a word, Jennifer merely smiled victoriously. Debbie and Jennifer transferred lunch from the takeout containers to appropriate plates and bowls, and then, they settled down to enjoy a late lunch. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?” Jennifer asked, never really one to mince words when she was on a mission. “Have you ever looked at your past and wished that you could have done things differently?” Debbie asked. “Who hasn’t?” Jennifer assured her. “You do things, and they make such great sense at the time, but events happen that cause you to re-evaluate, and you see that you could have made other choices. It’s all a part of living. We learn from our mistakes.” “That’s easy for you to say…what have you ever done?” Jennifer pretended to look for answers on the ceiling. “Let me see, I failed to protect my son from the wrath of his father. I stood by and did nothing when I should have stood up for Justin. But I didn’t. I almost lost my son because of that. I allowed Craig to force him out of the only home he’d ever known. What have I done, you ask? You obviously have a very short memory.” “But you and Justin worked things out. The two of you have a great relationship. And now you have Brian Kinney to deal with for a lifetime!” Debbie said with a laugh. “But things could have worked out so much worse,” Jennifer said softly. “Justin is a very special young man. For whatever you say about growing up with you and Craig, he turned into a kid any mother would be proud to call her own.” “I’ve always been proud of him. I’m just glad that he’s happy. And I’m glad that he and Brian are now together.” “They are quite a pair, aren’t they?” Debbie said with a laugh. “I saw them earlier. According to Brian, they’re back in town because Sunshine had a craving for lemon bars,” she announced, shaking her head. “But I don’t know.” “Brian and Justin are in town…” Jennifer was surprised at this news. Debbie merely affirmed this with a nod. Then Jennifer continued. “But you think there’s some other reason?” she asked with increased curiosity. “Don’t you?” “It’s just odd. Brian and Justin left town over a week ago. They haven’t talked to anyone as far as I know. Michael has been calling, but Brian, as usual, wouldn’t return his phone calls. Then today out of the blue…here they are. I’m not even sure that they even know that Ben and Michael have separated. Yet here they are! They know something…” “And you don’t believe it’s a coincidence?” “No I don’t…” Jennifer got up to pour herself a glass of ice tea. She noticed the newspaper on the counter and brought it back to the table with her. “Debbie, how come you have the newspaper opened to this page?” “Ah, Divina Devore, alias Danny Devore. Vic and I went to high school with him. Now, why did that grab your attention?” Debbie couldn’t resist teasing. “After all, I’ve never known you to be interested drag queens…unless there’s something you haven’t told me all these years?” Jennifer laughed at the implication. “No need to worry. It’s just that I have a client with a similar name. It’s just an odd coincidence.” “I see,” Debbie said, wondering what was happening. “Tell me about your client?” “Nothing in particular, it’s just that the last names were the same. He talked about being estranged from his family that ‘s all.” Jennifer relayed. She didn’t want to reveal anything more for fear of betraying the privacy of her client. Debbie merely shrugged. Then Jennifer mindlessly asked, “I wonder what he looks like under all her makeup?” Debbie laughed at Jennifer’s innocent reactions. “Let me tell you that he’s very handsome,” she gushed. “I had a thing for him back in high school.” “You did? Tell me more!” Jennifer demanded with renewed interest. It had been quite a while since the two of them had shared any long ago-secrets. “Not much to tell. We were together for a while. Then he left town to seek his fame and fortune. End of story.” “So are you finally over him?” Jennifer asked with a smile, obviously looking for intrigue. She always gained such insight into Debbie during moments like this. “It was so long time ago. You know, I saw him about four years ago though. It was good to see him,” Debbie admitted, “But let’s face it, Carl Horvath is one for me!” “I was just checking,” Jennifer teased. Debbie and Jennifer talked for a bit about old flames and others bits of irrelevancy, as they cleared away the dishes. Jennifer hugged Debbie and said that she should get going. It was getting to be time for Molly to return home from school. Something made Debbie extend her arm to stop Jennifer where she was. “Jennifer, I need to talk to you about something,” she said with a serious tone. Jennifer sat back down. “Sure…anything…you know that. We’ve been through a lot together, you and me,” Jennifer reminded her. Debbie knew that she needed to talk to someone, so she too sat back down. Then she began, “I want to tell you a story. I hope when I’m done that you’ll still feel the same way about me. I just have to talk to someone. With you being a mother…I think you’ll understand. With you being a mother…you can help me figure out what to do.” Jennifer looked at her, and she could tell this was serious. “Sounds serious…what ever it is…just tell me…we’ll get through this together,” Jennifer reassured her with a hug. Debbie let out a small sigh of relief. “When I was 17, I dated Divina Devore. Only he was Danny Devore back then, and he wasn’t sure that he was gay. I thought we were in love. Then after graduation, he decided to leave town to pursue his future. He wanted to be a star.” Debbie began. Jennifer smiled. “Not everyone is as insightful as Justin, to know that success, without someone to share it with, can be quite hollow. He and Brian held onto each other, and they beat the odds.” “Danny and I weren’t so lucky. He left town, and I never saw him again for almost 31 years.” “That’s terrible.” “Not really, because when we saw each other again, the years sort of fell away, and it was like old times. Danny built an international reputation for himself as a female impersonator.” “So you both fulfilled your dreams…he evidently found stardom, and you went on and had the family you always wanted. Although you’ve never said very much about Michael’s father, I’m sure the loss must have been tragic for you.” “Yes, it was,” Debbie said softly. “I wanted to give Michael a father that he could be proud of.” “You managed to achieve that. I heard that Michael’s father was a war hero.” “Yes, he died in Vietnam, just after Michael was born.” “That’s too bad. It must be hard for a boy to grow up without a father. Sometimes I look back at Craig and Justin…fortunately Craig only became an asshole when he found out Justin was gay…up until that time he and Justin had a good relationship. That’s part of what made things with Craig so sad for Justin,” Jennifer added thoughtfully. “The only trouble was that John Novotny wasn’t Michael’s father. I found his name in the newspaper among the list of the dead from the war. I located the picture that you see on the mantle, and I bought The Purple Heart. You see…Michael has no father?” “What?” “I created a father that Michael could be proud of. I created a father where none previously existed. I even legally changed my own name to perfect the charade.” “Michael has a father, Debbie,” Jennifer challenged. “After all, we’re not talking about medical improbabilities here!” she teased. Debbie looked at her incredulously. “Of course, he has a father! We’re not talking about the Immaculate Conception here! Danny Devore is Michael’s father. And until a chance meeting four years ago, neither of them knew about the other. Danny immediately figured out Michael as his son, because they look so much alike. Michael looked at an old yearbook photo and started asking a lot of questions.” “Then what happened?” “I’m not sure. I know that Michael asked Danny if he was his father. I don’t know what Danny told him, but Michael decided to drop the whole thing.” “And now?” “Now Danny going to make another appearance back in town. The questions are going to start all over again for Michael. Four years ago, he chose to accept the lie. Now? I don’t know if he can do that again. So much has happened since then, losing Ben…losing Vic…losing JR…now Hunter…the mess with Brian…” “What are you afraid of? Michael has always wanted a father.” “But I don’t know if Danny wants a son. In four years, no one has heard a word from him. Then out of the blue…he comes back.” “And the problem is?” “I wanted Michael to have a father he could be proud of. Kids formulate their idea of who they are from their fathers. I wanted Michael to have a positive image. So I gave him a fallen hero as a father. I can’t go back and change that now. I can’t go back and tell him that his father is some old drag queen.” “You did what you needed to do when Michael was a kid. But Debbie, Michael’s a grown man now…he isn’t a kid anymore. He no longer needs the fantasy to grow into the man he is to become. He’s already there. So, what’s the problem with telling him the truth?” “First of all, he would know that I lied to him his whole life. He’d never trust me again. And I couldn’t blame him.” “Debbie, when you weigh this lie you told, against a lifetime of loving Michael…I think the scales will tip in your favor. Oh he may be angry at first, but he’ll come to respect you for finally telling him the truth.” “Once he knows the truth…what’s he going to think? I still think the image of fallen hero for a father is better than the truth about the drag queen father who really exists.” “I can’t believe what I’m hearing! Debbie, you have spent all your time in Pflag, stressing the importance of being broad minded. You have stressed the importance of tolerance. Don’t you think that your attitude is a bit hypocritical? Aren’t you going against everything that you’ve ever believed in, holding on to that belief? You’re telling me that you believe a dead father is better than a living breathing one. You’re telling me that you think Michael would be ashamed of this father, because of his chosen profession. Didn’t you tell me that Divina Devore is a WORLD RENOWN female impersonator? You don’t get much more famous than that!” Jennifer reminded her. “What will his friends think?” “Let me see if I have this straight…you don’t want to tell Michael the truth because you think that he will be embarrassed and shunned by his friends?” Jennifer asked incredulously, wondering if Debbie’s wig was a little too tight today. “That’s what I’m telling you. Michael has had to live with a lifetime of living with me. I know that I’m loud. I know that I’m outrageous. I’ve been enough of a burden for him to bear. How can I ask him to accept the added burden of a father who’s a drag queen?” “This is the same Michael, who has grown up on Liberty Avenue. Who has spent his life among transvestites, fags, and queens…the same Michael, who essentially grew up at the Diner and matured in the halls of Babylon. Michael understands gay life in ways that you don’t. And, I think that you’re not being honest with yourself.” “What do you mean?” “For thirty five years, you’ve had him all to yourself. You’ve had all of Michael’s love. You haven’t had to share that love with anyone but Vic…and that was different. Even Ben was different…because Michael had carved out a place for you. Is it possible what you’re really afraid of…is that you’ll have to share Michael and his love with another parent?” “How can you ask me that?” Debbie argued. “Because every parent goes through this…usually when their kid is baby. There’s a little bit of jealousy that the kid will love the other parent more. Then you realize that love isn’t finite, and you get over it. But see, you never had that chance to work it all though... because you…were all that Michael had. You had no competition. You had Michael all to yourself. You have to admit that you and Michael are EXTREMELY close.” “Maybe. What would I do without Michael in my life? I almost died when he was hurt in the bombing. He was spared then. I don’t want to lose him now.” “But Michael may be at a point where he needs something more in his life...something you can’t give him. Maybe that’s why he reacted the way he did to Brian and Justin’s news. He will always love you, but you can’t be everything to him. You have to give him a chance to find his way in the world. I had to do it when Justin was only 17. Oh, I admit that I tried to protect him from Brian. When, as you so often pointed out to me, Brian turns out to be exactly what he needed.” “Yeah, but Brian isn’t Sunshine’s father.” Jennifer couldn’t resist laughing. “No…he isn’t. And I can assure you that Justin definitely doesn’t see Brian that way. But as things turned out, each was exactly what the other needed, and today they’re stronger together because of that.” “So what you’re saying is that by continuing to keep the secret, I may be depriving Michael of something he needs, more than a fallen hero father that he can look up to?” “That’s what I’m saying,” Jennifer agreed softly. “I don’t know?” “Yes, you do…but it may take you a while to admit it,” Jennifer said with a smile. Debbie looked up at Jennifer incredulously. Jennifer smiled and then innocently looked over at the clock again. “Look, Deb, I really have to go. We’ll talk in a day or so, after you’ve had time to think things over.” “Thanks Jennifer,” Debbie said, giving her a hug. “You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll talk to you later. Give Molly a hug for me.” “I will,” Jennifer said, as she walked towards the door, leaving Debbie alone with her thoughts.