Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest! Author's comment: The next three chapters reflect one day of random conversations between Brian and Justin. For the sake of continuity, I will post these chapters daily.
Chapter 38 – The Talk, Part 1 Friday Morning at Bri-tin…(Day 33) Brian awoke the next morning to find that he was almost alone in bed. Justin was nowhere in sight, having scampered out of bed at first light to head for his studio. Much earlier, Brian vaguely remembered hearing the shower. He then remembered turning over and going back to sleep. Now Brian found himself almost alone in bed…almost alone…because beside him in bed, where he would have expected Justin to be, was a sketch of himself sleeping among the rumpled sheets. Justin had lingered long enough over the image of the sleeping Brian to make this sketch before proceeding down to his studio. Brian admired the sketch of himself. He wondered if he really looked like this, or if Justin just chose to sketch him this way. It was just a question…the answer probably really didn’t matter. It was a just a question. Brian was, of course, used to being the model for Justin’s sketches, but it was rare for Justin to sketch him without his knowledge. Brian looked at his new sketch and remembered another sketch of him done while he was sleeping. He still had that sketch tucked away from prying eyes. He bought it over six years ago at Justin’s first art show at the GLC when Justin was only 17. Brian looked again at the sketch of himself, and he could see how much Justin’s skill as an artist had grown since then…as if he needed any reminders. He liked this image of himself. Yes, Brian was definitely going to enjoy seeing his image hanging in the emerging artists exhibit at the Pinacoteca Ambrosiana this summer. Brian was sure of it. After a quick shower and dressed simply in sweat pants and a tank top, Brian carried his sketch downstairs with him. Brian propped his sketch up on the counter to keep him company while he had his first cup of coffee. As Brian was sipping his coffee, he heard approaching footsteps, and he smiled. “What are you doing out of your studio?” “I came in to have coffee with you, but I see that you already have company.” Justin teased, noticing the sketch. “How do you like yourself?” Brian fingered the sketch and asked, “Is this how you really see me?” “I took no liberties with your sketch,” Justin said seriously, then leaning over to give Brian a gentle kiss. “You’re still the hottest guy around.” “After having seen what Pittsburgh, Los Angeles, and New York have to offer…you can still say that?” Justin laughed again, “Add Santa Barbara and Cincinnati to the list…and I still stick by my statement.” “Well, since I have it on good authority…then I must be hot!” Brian smirked. “Absolutely!” Justin said with suggestive eyebrow movements. Brian reached out and pulled Justin into his arms and whispered in his ear, “As long as you still think so.” “Always…” Justin whispered as he tightened his arms around Brian. They lingered there wrapped in each other without saying a word for a few moments. “So what do you and the collection of my expensive, paint-covered, designer shirts have planned for today,” Brian teased. “Oh…no…you…don’t!” “What?” “You said that we would talk. Don’t tell me you changed your mind?” “Not at all. I just thought that you were inspired to paint.” “Then you would what…go in to the office? Think again! You said I had you all to myself, today and the weekend. You promised we would talk, and I intend to hold you to it.” “And we will, but I want to spend some time with you in your studio while you paint.” “You do?” “Yeah. I’m sure I might find some little corner out of the direct line of your paint spatter,” Brian continued to tease. “That’s if it’s ok with you.” “I’d love it. But let me fix breakfast first. How about French Toast?” “That’s different from the usual. Fortunately the treadmill is right over there to help me work it off.” Brian said, pointing to the nearby exercise equipment. “You really did think of just about everything when you furnished the house.” Justin smiled as he moved to the refrigerator to gather the ingredients to make breakfast, while Brian made himself comfortable on one of the stools. Noticing that Brian hadn’t had his usual glass of guava juice, Justin poured him a glass of juice and handed it to him. “Oh yeah. I guess I forgot. Thanks,” Brian responded, accepting the glass of juice. “Can I ask you a question while you’re fixing breakfast?” “Sure. Go ahead.” “I know that you want to move back to Pittsburgh. I heard you loud and clear. Ok?” “Ok.” “But if you were to stay in New York, say another couple of years, what do you envision happening?” “Brian!” “C’mon Sunshine. It’s just a hypothetical question.” “Well, I would probably continue to exhibit. I would get exhibits at larger and larger galleries. You know, more of the same. Eventually I would start to have solo exhibits. But Brian, I don’t have to live in New York anymore for that to happen.” “I know. What about your agent? What about the galleries that want to carry your paintings?” “For the next three months, I’m pretty much committed with the Cincinnati and New York shows. I’m not committed to any shows after that at the moment. Hopefully Catherine will be able to get me into some of upcoming showcases, leaving me free to paint.” Justin started to explain. “The paintings for the various galleries are an entirely different story. I’m still not sure how I feel about them. The galleries I have been meeting with are the same galleries where I have previously done shows. But I still don’t want to be told what to paint and when to paint it. I still want to be able to try new things. I’m still growing as an artist. If I can’t be allowed to grow, then I might as well go back to waiting tables. Why do you ask?” “I’m just curious what New York still has to offer you…that’s all.” “You’ve had two distinct chances to go to New York. Once with Kennedy and Collins after you won that award back when I was still in high school. I know that didn’t work out, but I noticed that you really didn’t look for other opportunities then either. You had another chance with the Stockwell Campaign. You and Vance were hoping that all of Stockwell’s contacts would have been your ticket to the New York office of Vanguard. Stockwell was such an asshole; Vance didn’t really leave you a choice either. I don’t know…I’m sure neither of those were the right opportunity for you. But I know that you have always wanted to take on New York by storm. I think that was part of the reason that you were so insistent that I go.” “What are you driving at?” “With a client base as diverse as Kinnetik and with clients here and abroad, it might make perfect sense to think again about a New York office.” “Would you like that?” “You and I together in New York? Yes, I’d like that.” “I’ll admit that I have thought about it,” Brian finally admitted. Justin finally put the food on the plates and joined Brian at the counter. “What did you come up with?” Justin had to ask. “Once upon a time, I thought that if things worked out for you in New York, I thought I might consider the possibility of an office there.” “You did? You never said anything. How come?” “Well, I’m not known for telling you everything. And, it never directly came up.” “I see. You never mentioned that you were even interested in New York.” “I wasn’t sure that you would still want me to come there.” “Why? Every time that you visited me there, I kept telling you that you would love it in New York.” “Yeah you said that. But, I still didn’t think that you wanted me to be WITH YOU in New York. I didn’t want to interfere with your career. After all, you made a life for yourself there that didn’t include me.” “Only because I was forced to. Of course, I wanted you with me. I just never knew it was an option. But then, I also could have painted in Pittsburgh and been happy.” “Could you? I didn’t want you to make that kind of sacrifice.” “Brian, a year ago I may not have understood it…now I see things differently. Sacrifice is a part of loving. I didn’t want you to sacrifice who you were as a person to make me happy. You didn’t want me to sacrifice what you believed was my artistic chance of lifetime to be with you. What we sacrificed instead was that time together. I don’t want to ever do again!” “Eat your breakfast, I have plans for you.” “What? Don’t tell me you’re still thinking about that ‘tied to the bedpost thing’?” “Justin, will you just eat your breakfast. Let’s just say I’m not in the mood to hear your tummy rumbling.” “Ok…ok…I’ll eat.” They finished breakfast, and loaded the dishwasher. Brian disappeared and returned wearing shoes and carrying their coats. “It looks like a pretty nice day. Here!” Brian said, tossing Justin his coat. “Come, go for a walk with me.” “Where are we going?” “I know you have sketches and maps and things. But I just want to spend some time walking this property…with you. I want to really see it…with you. Are you up for it?” “Yes!” They crossed the courtyard and started walking down the path. Brian reached for Justin’s hand and entwined their fingers. “Thank you agreeing to move into the house,” Justin remarked leaning into Brian as he spoke. “You’re welcome.” “This is the first place that we’ve ever moved into together. You know it’s special?” “What about the loft?” “The loft is special for other reasons.” “Oh, I see,” Brian said with a slight laugh. “I was surprised to hear that you stayed at the house while I was away,” Justin commented with ease. “I was too. Don’t go making a big deal of this. Here feels like home. The loft feels like someplace we stay from time to time.” “That’s how my loft in New York feels…like a place I stay from time to time.” “Is that why you decided you wanted to paint here?” “I wanted to live here with you…even if it was only for a few months. I thought painting here would make it easier for you to say yes to our staying here temporarily. I thought after we stayed here on a temporary basis that it would be easier for you agree to my permanently moving back here.” “Oh.” “Why did you say yes to our moving in here?” “I couldn’t think of any real reason to say no to you. And, I guess I wanted to move in here as much as you did. It’s an interesting house. But even more, I can relax here.” “I’m glad. If you open the New York office, do we have to sell the house?” “Justin, did I say that I was opening a New York office?” “Hypothetically speaking, that is?” Justin commented with a laugh. “Well, if we’re only speaking hypothetically…” “Well?” “I would still have to visit the office in Pittsburgh, so I would have to stay somewhere when I was here, I guess.” “The loft?” “The loft is more centrally located, but it doesn’t work when Gus visits. Plus, I was ready to sell the loft a year ago.” “You were ready to sell the loft…and the club.” “Mikey wanted me to rebuild the club. Plus, rebuilding the club gave me something to do while you were gone. I know how much you love going to Babylon. I still love going there with you. So yeah, I’m glad I reopened the club, and I’m glad I still own it. “ “Me too.” “But, the loft is something else. If we’re going to be living here at the house, and you’re going back and forth to New York, the loft makes it easier to get to and from the airport. Otherwise, we really don’t need the loft. Hypothetically speaking, of course.” “Hypothetically speaking, of course.” “And if you and I need a break from each other, this house is big enough for us to do that without either of us going anywhere. Then, neither of us needs to travel very far when we finally come to our senses and make up. So…” Brian explained. “You have the house all worked out…hypothetically.” Justin agreed. “Hypothetically…” They continued walking pass the stables. “Have you considered what you wanted to do with the stables…hypothetically, of course?” Justin casually asked. “If you drag Gus and I to riding lessons every time he visits, I’m going to have to figure out how to at least get us horses.” “Are you thinking of us raising a future Triple Crown winner?” Justin teased. “That would require a staff bigger than just Thomas and Teres. I wasn’t thinking about joining the breeder set,” Brian teased, “But riding isn’t so bad. Maybe I’ll look into leasing a few horses…I haven’t really thought about it.” “Oh. I can see us riding now.” “You can, can you?” Brian laughed. “Yes.” They followed the path beyond the stables to the edge of the wooded area. Brian made himself comfortable on one of the tree stumps. Justin knelt behind him on the stump and wrapped his arms around Brian from behind. Brain leaned into the warmth of the embrace. “Brian, what are you going to do when Signor Silvestri asks you to move to Milan?” Justin quietly asked, holding perfectly still. “Where did that come from?” Brian asked with a laugh. “According to my calculations, it’s the next logical step. He likes you. He likes your work. He’s never going to give it a rest. You realize that it’s just a matter of time…don’t you?” Brian pulled Justin around to beside him, keeping Justin wrapped in his arms. “No, Signor Silvestri doesn’t like me. He’s crazy about you. He only tolerates me because he found out I was your partner. I’m just riding on your coattails here, Sunshine,” Brian said with a laugh. “You’re kidding, right?” “Look at the facts. Rudolpho didn’t send an intermediary to me, the CEO of Kinnetik. No, he sent Signor Marani to you with his apology. I’m really nonessential here.” “Brian!” Justin said, standing up in protest. “And, there’s more. He wanted to make you the account exec for Collezione Fiero campaign,” Brian said with a laugh. “What? You’re kidding? No! How do you know that?” “He told me himself. He thought you would be easier to deal with. Fortunately, Susan and Kellie convinced him that between the two of us, I would be easier to deal with, so he relented. But I was clearly his second choice.” “That’s funny,” Justin said with a laugh. “I’m glad you think so. Just so you know, if the industry gets wind of the fact that I was only second choice, I’ll be finished in the industry. When that happens, I hope you’re planning on supporting me?” Brian said, trying to feign wounded pride. Justin burst out laughing. “Stop changing the subject.” “What was the subject?” Brian innocently asked. “What about Milan?” “You mean aside from when we go with Paul and Jason this summer for the opening of the exhibit at the Pinacoteca Ambrosiana to see my image on international display?” “Brian! What about Milan?” “Justin, New York is at least hypothetical. You realize that any talk of Milan is purely speculative…totally in the realm of the imagination?” “Ok…let’s say I accept your premise that anything regarding Milan is speculative. If we move to Milan, what would we do with the house?” “Speculatively speaking?” “Yes.” “I’ll still have to come back to Pittsburgh periodically, and I’ll still need a place to stay.” “So I guess the next question would be, can we afford to keep it?” “I don’t know yet. I haven’t really thought it through. Besides you’ll probably need someplace to paint, while I’m in Milan,” “What!” “Or, I guess you could move back to your loft in New York? It would make visiting you easier…as flights between Milan and New York are easier to maneuver.” “What!” “Of course, I would have to come back and forth to the Pittsburgh Office, so I guess you really could paint here at the house like you originally wanted to. Either way, it’s not a problem. We’ll eventually work it out.” Brian said resolutely, believing that the topic was now closed. “No!” Justin said, immediately standing up and facing Brian. “No? What do you mean, no?” Brian innocently asked, noticing Justin’s new stance but trying not to overreact. “You promised! You promised you would find a creative solution to our living arrangements. And that’s the best you have to offer?” Justin said with a clearly raised voice. Brian could see that Justin was getting upset, but he was still having a hard time understanding why. “Why are you getting upset? We would see each other every few weeks, just like we do now. You could focus on your art...” “Brian, I can paint anywhere. Don’t you get that! I may have to leave for an occasional show, but I want us to be together otherwise.” Justin demanded. “Justin, with the scenario I just laid out for you I could be floating back and forth between several offices. What do you suggest? Are you suggesting I build you a studio as part of every Kinnetik location? Are you suggesting that every time I travel between offices, you’re proposing that you accompany with me? What are you going to do when I visit new clients, accompany me and make the preliminary sketches of my ideas? Maybe send the ideas back to Murph and coordinate the artwork from the road? It’s all a lovely idea, Justin…but how would you get any painting done?” “I don’t know. I would manage. But, it’s time for us to be together. I thought you understood that.” “Justin! Why are we even arguing about this? This is a hypothetical discussion…no make that a speculative discussion!” “We’re arguing about this now…while it’s still at the speculative stage…so that when it becomes a reality, you won’t do something incredibly ridiculous without thinking about it. And judging by your reactions here and now, I would say it’s a good thing that we’re at least discussing this.” Justin was now clearly upset. “Will you calm down?” Brian insisted. “No Brian, I’m not going to calm down!” “Gheez Justin, give me some time to figure this out.” “Brian, there is no figuring out for you to do on this one! You figured things out the last time and I ended up in New York. We were dealing with the hypothetical and suppositional then too, but that didn’t stop you from pushing what you thought was best for me. I don’t know if it was the right decision. At this point…that’s beside the point. But, I can’t let you continue to think that way for the future.” “I don’t know why you’re getting upset. We have been doing ok this last year. We’ve seen each other as often as we could. You’ve made me see that we don’t have to live in the same city for us to be together. Our relationship is strong. I just don’t see the problem.” “Brian, if in the hypothetical and the speculative you’re not planning on us being together, what chance do we stand for being together in the reality. Sure our relationship will survive us living in two different cities and seeing each other whenever we can. We have a track record now to prove that. But I want more. I love you Brian. It’s just time for us to be together. I don’t know how to make it any clearer.” “Justin, don’t you think that I want us to be together. There is a part of me that can’t even think of Kinnetik International without you and I being together. But New York may be your chance of a lifetime, and I don’t want you to even think of sacrificing everything to be with me.” “Don’t you get it? New York isn’t my chance of a lifetime…you are! Can’t you see that?” “But, I’m right here…I’m not going anywhere.” Justin just sighed, not knowing what to say. Finally, he found the words. “It seems that we want different things. Maybe we’ve reached an impasse. So before we each say something that we’ll regret, I’m going back inside.” Justin leaned over and gently kissed Brian, and walked back inside toward the house with slow and heavy steps. While Brian stood alone watching Justin walk away, wondering how things could have quickly gone so wrong.