Lois, thank you for the beta...you are the greatest!
Chapter 7 - Reflections Later Thursday Afternoon…(Day 18) Melanie and Lindsay decided to go for ice cream after their counseling session so that they could have a chance to talk with each other. They decide stop at a nearby creamery, and they settled into a booth in the far corner. “I can’t believe we’re stopping for ice cream without the kids,” Melanie teased. “You have to promise not to tell them.” “Oh please, I can keep a secret!” Lindsay responded with a smirk. The two of them were able to share a laugh. Then their ice cream arrived. “You know, I never understood until this moment why you wanted Brian to father Gus,” Melanie began, while taking a spoonful of her ice cream. “What do you mean?” Lindsay asked, mimicking the action. “Because you’re such a romantic!” Melanie remarked, using her spoon for emphasis. “But fortunately, as it turned out, Brian was a good choice as a father for Gus, and relatively speaking it turned out that he really doesn’t give us a lot of trouble.” “I would have had difficulty carrying for nine months the child of someone I didn’t care about. For me there was Brian or no one. I know you thought that I was being unreasonable, but it was how I felt. Even today, with all the problems, it is how I still feel. I know you don’t feel the way about Michael that I feel about Brian and maybe that explains a lot.” “What do you mean?” “First of all, you decided that it was time for me to have another child. You just decided. We didn’t decide this together. I had to hear about your decision from Dusty one day in passing. Then when I said I wasn’t ready to get pregnant again, you had your surgery to take care of your endometriosis, and then you were immediately ready to get pregnant. It was all so mechanical.” “Yeah.” “I don’t know how you could carry for nine months the child of a man you don’t love.” “What do you mean?” “We all like Michael. He’s like family. I’m was just surprised that he was your choice for a father for your child.” “All I cared about was that he wouldn’t give us any trouble. After all the problems we initially had with Brian, I wanted things to be easier this time.” “I’m surprised that you thought that would be the case knowing that Michael grew up without a father. Even if we had not been separated, Michael was going to be obsessively involved in his daughter life. You could see it from the moment she was born…you could see it even before she was born.” “I know. He does tend to hover.” “I just wonder if all that had anything to do with the reason that the baby really wasn’t your first priority during your pregnancy. You still tried to work on that major case. You still tried handle to large a workload…do too much. You wouldn’t listen. You went to the start of the bike race. Need I go on? I have to wonder if that was the reason you failed to take the proper precautions during your pregnancy. You were reckless.” “Lindsay, I’m never going to be you. I’m never going to have the absolute devotion to my children. I never expected to bear children. I always thought that you would bear all our children. So the whole experience was not something I dreamt about. If you had been willing to have another baby, I would have gladly gone a lifetime without the experience of pregnancy and childbirth. I love Jenny and I’m glad she’s here. But there is no way I want to go through the experience of pregnancy and childbirth again.” “Are you saying that you don’t want any more children?” Lindsay forcefully asked. “Are you saying that you do?” Melanie countered. “I don’t know. Gus is getting older. He’s already starting to pull away. He doesn’t need me as much anymore. Maybe? And, I’m not getting any younger.” “We still have Jenny Rebecca to raise. This is something we need to think about very carefully. I’ll admit I rushed into the decision last time, and then I made some unwise choices. I don’t want us to that again.” “I agree. And before we think about another child, we have to think about where we’re going to live. I hope we can spend the next month talking about this once we get home. That will give us lots of time to think everything through.” “You’re right.” “I think I’ll see if I can have lunch with Sidney Bloom before we go back. Maybe I can feel him out about whether or not there is a potential position for me at the gallery.” “Maybe…that is a good idea.” “Melanie, exactly what are your feeling about Michael and Debbie?” Lindsay asked. “You know that I love them. They are like family to us. Debbie is the glue that holds the crazy Liberty Avenue family together, and I love her dearly. She is the perfect grandmother for Jenny. Michael is a loving father, and he spoils his daughter. But based on what I saw when we were living in Pittsburgh, both of them would be at our house everyday. We would never have a moment to ourselves, unless Jenny was staying with them. It would be good to have ever-ready baby sitters available…but like I said they would be at the house all the time. And I want our daughter to have more than only just what they have to offer. I don’t want my daughter to grow up to be like either of them. So we have several really difficult things to think about,” Melanie remarked, and then, she proceeded to change the subject. “Now, let me ask you a question? What are you going to do about your art?” “What do you mean?” “I know that at the moment you can’t teach in Canada without proper credentials. But during the last year, I haven’t you heard you mention anything about teaching at all. Are you content to only work at the gallery?” “I wish I could go back to teaching art, but I don’t have the credentials. Both you and I can’t be pursuing our credentials at the same time. We can’t afford that. Plus we have the kids to consider. So in answer to your question, yes for the moment I am ok working at the gallery. I just wish I could make more money,” Lindsay explained. “Lindsay, first I have to know what you really want. Then, we can figure out what we can do. I don’t think you should make decisions for us without consulting me…anymore than I should make decisions without consulting you,” Melanie was quick to point out. “I’m just not sure whether I want to teach or not. Once I got to Canada and found out I couldn’t, I didn’t give it another thought.” “Once we get back, I want you to take sometime and consider it. It’s too important to just push aside.” “I guess you’re right,” Lindsay finally conceded. “Are you ok about Justin and his art career?” “I fine with it as long as Justin pursues his career. I really do care too much about him and Brian to let him just throw it all away just to be with Brian in the mansion,” Lindsay insisted. “Careful Lindsay…” “I just don’t want Justin to have regrets in the future. Believe me, I promise I will tread very carefully. I have no desire to tangle with Brian on this, and he is in full-protective mode where Justin is concerned. All I will do is raise the issues. I think I have to do that as their friend. But I promise not to push. I know that it’s Justin’s life. I’m really happy about his successes. I will just try to steer him out of trouble. That’s all.” “Just be careful. Brian is not the same Brian you have dealt with since college, especially where Justin is concerned.” “I really do know that. I promise, I will be careful.” “Well, I guess we should get going back to the house.” “Ice cream was a good idea…with or without the kids,” Lindsay said with a smile.