To My Readers: Well we are up again and I'm working on Part 2. Lois rushed this edit for me. I hope I caught all of her corrections. If not, I apologize for that. I was really trying to get it back up. Thanks for all the support! Mouse One Foot in Front of the Other Brian waited for Steve to open the door. It had been a long sorrow filled morning and he was beginning to have second thoughts after leaving Justin. He’d been surprised by how maturely Justin had handled the entire situation. He had expected tears and a tantrum but instead Justin had been quiet and resigned. The young man’s lack of reaction was troubling to Brian. Was it really that easy for Justin to let him go? It should be what Brian wanted. After all, he’d never meant to hurt Justin. He wanted it to be easy on the blond, or was that merely one of the many lies Brian had been living. The door opened and Steve was a welcome sight. Brian moved past him though, without touching. He felt too raw having just gutted his younger lover. Brian felt like a shit and knew that it was a justified feeling. “He was difficult this morning?” Steve ventured, reaching for Brian’s bag “No.” Brian replied quietly. “He was very quiet, but not in a pouty way.” Brian paused. “He seemed to be grieving.” Brian felt his chest tighten as he realized that was exactly what Justin was doing. He’d reacted the same way when the blond had walked out on him years ago. “Well, let’s get you settled.” Steve offered, not totally surprised by Brian’s subdued demeanor. The phone rang and Steve moved to answer it. “Hello?” He watched as Brian sat heavily on the couch. He’d been so excited about the man’s arrival but now he was wondering if Brian was really going to stay. “I need to speak to Brian.” It was Justin. Steve sighed, conflicted over how to respond. “Now isn’t a good time.” Steve replied honestly. “I need to speak to him Steve. Just put him on the phone.” Justin refused to get angry. Steve sighed impatiently. “Brian.” Brian looked back and realized Steve was still on the phone. “It’s Justin. He insists on speaking with you. What would you have me tell him?” Steve asked calmly. Brian rose without replying and headed to the phone. Steve tried to hide his disappointment but failed. Brian ignored it. “What do you want, Justin?” Brian asked. Justin was startled by the abrupt tone. He’d done nothing to deserve it, but then that was also true of the way he was being treated. Life was never fair. Why would it suddenly start being so now? “Michael called. Deb’s in the hospital. He said he tried your cell phone but it isn’t working.” Justin offered. “I gave him Steve’s number but he asked me to call. The doctor was coming out to speak with him.” Justin paused, letting the news settle in. “He wants you to call his cell.” Justin gave the instructions. “That’s all.” He hung up without waiting for a response. Brian felt a wave of guilt rush over him at the way he’d just spoken to the blond. Justin hadn’t been playing games. He’d swallowed his pride and contacted Brian, even speaking to Steve, to get a message to him from his best friend. A friend who until just recently hadn’t always been very kind to Justin, Brian sighed and returned to the sofa. “What is it?” Steve asked noting Brian’s tension. “Did he want to beg you to come back already?” “No.” Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. He hit Michael’s cell number. Steve watched and listened, growing increasingly more irritated by Brian’s incommunicado manner. “Michael?” Brian greeted his friend. “How’s Deb?” “She’s going to be okay. It was a scare though. They are going to monitor her heart. They think it’s a blood pressure issue. What the fuck are you doing at Steve’s?” Michael jumped ahead, now that his mother was out of danger. “I can’t talk about that right now.” Brian admitted. “Do you need for me to come?” “No.” Michael replied. “Justin sounded so …” Michael couldn’t find the word. “Did you leave him?” “Michael I said—“ “Don’t give me that “I can’t talk about this” bullshit.” Michael argued. “Did you leave Justin?” Brian, of course, was unaware that his best friend was standing in the middle of a waiting room filled with the rest of the family members. “Yes. It’s over. I’m with Steve now.” He offered. Michael was silent, shocked by the confession. “Aren’t you going to say something?” “I’d be so pissed at you if you drug my ass all the way to New York then shit on me like that.” Michael admitted. “Is Justin coming back home?” “I have no idea what Justin is going to do. It isn’t my concern anymore.” Brian admitted and realized it wasn’t entirely the truth. He did need to find out what Justin was going to do. The man was still living in his house. “Wow.” Michael smirked, feeling the irony of the situation. “You know I thought the way you treated him after the bashing was shitty, but this really takes the cake.” Michael had come to care for the blond, feeling a sense of protection much like an older brother since they’d begun working on Rage together. He’d noticed how good the blond had been for his best friend. He knew now that Justin was the reason that Brian had finally gotten his life together and seemed happy. “Michael, it’s none of your fucking business.” Brian spat, unaccustomed to criticism from the man. “Besides you’re the one who told me for years to dump him.” “Well I guess you finally took my advice. I just wish you hadn’t fucked up his life before you did it.” Michael hung up. It had been a long morning already and he had more bad news to break to the family. “Are you okay?” Steve asked, reaching for Brian. “Peachy.” Brian replied, wondering if he should call Justin and apologize for being such a bitch before. “Brian, there’s no reason to snap at me like that.” Steve drew himself up in indignation. “I know you are going through a rough time—“ “You don’t know a fucking thing about it, so don’t try to empathize.” Brian replied sharply, moving away from the man. “When we met I had just broken up with someone I cared for—“ “Oh and misery loves company. Is that why you targeted me?” Brian accused, not sure where the accusation came from. “Brian.” Steve was shocked. “You know I tried to give you every opportunity to walk away from this.” “I don’t want to talk about it.” Brian picked up his bag and headed into the bedroom. … Across town Justin was sitting in his studio waiting for news about Debbie. When he didn’t get a call, he called Michael back. “Hey Justin. I’m sorry I meant to call you. She’s going to be fine.” Michael heard the young man sigh with relief. “Want me to come back?” Justin asked sincerely. “Yeah.” Michael replied, knowing that his mother didn’t really need Justin but that perhaps Justin needed his family. “Did Brian call?” Justin asked. “Yeah. He’s a shit Justin. I don’t know what to say.” Michael offered. Justin was silent for a moment. “It’s weird. Like it isn’t real or something, but I know it is. I caught them in the fucking pantry last night.” Justin was silent for a moment and Michael felt certain he was working on his composure. Michael waited patiently. “I can come later today I think. I have some money.” Michael hadn’t considered that part of it. Justin no longer had Brian to pay for things like plane tickets. He was, after all, only a student. Where would he live? How would he get by in New York? “You do what you need to Justin. Mom’s fine.” Michael conceded. “I just thought—“ “I don’t think I can face everyone just yet.” Justin reluctantly admitted. “If Deb is really okay, I might just wait.” “Trust me Justin, it’s Brian that doesn’t want to face the family right now. They were all here.” He explained, hoping Justin wouldn’t be angry. “They’re pissed.” Michael assured him. “They shouldn’t be. It isn’t about them. I just wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted someone more sophisticated, successful, and I don’t know, maybe more mature I guess.” Justin offered. “I can’t really talk about it right now.” He admitted, the sorrow starting to sink in. “Well, come home if you can. We want to see you.” Michael offered. Ben took the phone from his partner. “You’re welcome to stay with us Justin, anytime.” Justin smiled and felt comforted by Ben’s calm voice. “Thanks Ben. Is Michael just being brave or is Deb really okay?” He asked, needing the truth. “She’s really okay. He’s holding up well.” Ben admitted. “And you?” “Not so good really.” Justin admitted. “I keep thinking he’s coming back but he packed a bag and I don’t think he’ll ever set foot back in this place as long as I’m here.” “Justin, it isn’t you—“ “Yeah it is. I’m not what he wants. He doesn’t love me anymore.” Justin felt gutted hearing the words aloud. He swallowed hard, refusing to cry over the phone. “I have to go Ben.” “Come if you can.” Ben offered one last time as he heard Justin hang up. “Fucker!” Michael spat. “I never thought I’d say it but Brian is being such a fucker to him.” “I agree.” Ben handed him back his phone. “Should I go?” Jennifer offered from behind them. They were both a little startled. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but he is my son.” She gave a small smile. “I think so.” Ben replied. “I think he needs someone.” Jennifer nodded. “Well let me know if Deb needs anything. She’s welcome to stay with Molly and I. We have the extra room.” She reached out, touching Michael’s arm. “Maybe Justin will need it.” Michael offered. “Maybe.” Jennifer conceded. “Just let me know what I can do.” Michael kissed her cheek, grateful that his mother had such a good friend. Dialing the phone once more, Michael waited for the man to answer. It was time he gave this guy a piece of his mind. … “Well that was interesting.” Steve observed as he entered the bedroom. Brian was lying in the bed his hands over his eyes. Steve wondered how much sleep the man had gotten the night before. “What’s that?” Brian asked. “You’re personal pit bull just attempted to chew my nuts off.” Steve laid down next to him. Brian smirked. Somehow he was comforted that Justin had managed to get his princess act in place and had launched an attack. “Justin looks innocent but—“ “No, it wasn’t Justin.” Steve corrected, feeling conflicted by Brian’s amusement over the situation. “It was Michael.” Brian looked over at him in surprise. He didn’t know what to say. “I need to talk to Justin.” He finally confessed. “Why?” Steve asked getting out of bed. “Unresolved stuff.” Brian admitted. “Give him some time. He’ll think that you’re having second thoughts. Don’t give him false hope.” Steve warned. Brian watched as the man undressed. He guessed that they were about to have sex to celebrate their new life together. Funny, Brian realized he didn’t feel like celebrating. The new sense of freedom had faded quickly as he considered what he’d just gotten himself into. Greener pastures, he thought. What the fuck are they good for? … Justin got off of the plane and immediately spotted his mother. She gave him a sympathetic smile which made him wish he could get back on the plane and fly back to New York. “Hi Honey.” She kissed his cheek. “Don’t talk about him okay?” Justin warned. “I know what he did was shitty but it’s nothing I haven’t done to him so don’t rag on him.” She nodded, biting her tongue. “Do you have a bag?” She asked. He shook his head. “I’m not sure how long I’m staying.” He replied. “I mean, through the holidays but I don’t know about after that.” He admitted. “Well you’re welcome as long as you want to stay.” She replied pleasantly. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you Mom.” He offered. She accepted it and they moved out of the terminal and to the car. “Dinner is at our house this week. Deb was going to have it if I didn’t volunteer.” Justin nodded. “Everyone knows right?” He asked staring out of the window. “Yes Sweetheart.” Jennifer refrained from the rest of her statement. “I wonder if I could get back into PIFA?” He commented as they moved out onto the expressway. Jennifer felt her heart leap. “Or maybe I should go to Dartmouth.” “Dartmouth?” His mother questioned, her shock evident. “Well I don’t want to take Brian’s money anymore. I need to pay him back for the tuition he’s already paid.” Justin admitted. “Your father will pay for Dartmouth.” Jennifer reluctantly admitted. “But is that what you want?” “I was thinking about it and it would be okay.” Justin knew he was settling but everyone had to settle at some point in their lives. So what if he was learning that lesson at 20, some people had to learn it far earlier in life, given all he’d gone through since coming out it was surprising he’d postponed reality this long. “I’ll talk to him. Does he know?” He turned to his mother. “Yes.” Jennifer replied softly. “He called and Molly was upset. She told him.” “Great.” Justin sighed. “Another lecture on what a loser faggot I am for loving Brian.” “He won’t say anything.” Jennifer assured him. Justin smiled knowing his mother was already forming the lecture she would give Craig. Once they arrived home, Justin felt odd. He moved his small carryon into the guest room and sat on the edge of the bed. He hadn’t lived here since the bashing. Molly stood in the door and watched him. “You okay?” She asked sincerely. Justin rose and they met in the middle hugging one another. “Honestly?” She nodded. “Not really.” He admitted. She nodded once more. “Want me to beat him up?” She offered. “Yeah.” Justin replied. She laughed and he did as well. “I heard you broke the news to Dad.” “Yeah.” Molly was obviously repentant. “I told him that Brian was an asshole and not good enough for you.” “Thanks.” Justin moved out of her arms, his feelings about her comments evident. “Well, it’s the truth.” She defended. “I love him Molly.” Justin faced her. “But he shit on you.” Molly argued. “Well yeah, but I still love him.” Justin replied. “How can you?” She asked, more angry than confused. “I don’t know, but I do.” Justin sat back on the bed. “I feel sorta lost like I don’t know what to do with myself. Everything has been about him for so long. I did whatever he wanted you know? Cooked what he wanted, wore what he wanted, moved where he wanted, just whatever made him happy, made me happy.” Justin sounded so sad. Molly moved to his side her anger forgotten. “Do you think I’ll ever love anyone else like that?” He looked into his sister’s soft loving eyes. “Yes.” Molly assured him. “And that person will be the luckiest person in the whole world Justin. Brian will be sorry one day. He’ll realize what he gave up and he’ll be sorry.” “I don’t think so.” Justin admitted, looking down at the floor for a long moment then up into his sister’s eyes. “I think he has exactly what he wants.” “Dinner!” Jennifer called from the kitchen. “Someone is at the door.” Justin heaved a sigh and with his sister’s hand in his own, went out to face the family. … Brian was worried about Deb but had refused to contact Michael after the lecture his friend had thrown at Steve. He had no idea why Michael would be taking up for Justin anyway. It wasn’t like they were that close. Steve brought dinner to the table and Brian tried to appear hungry. In fact though, food was the last thing on his mind. “It looks delicious.” He offered. “Yes I know.” Steve replied with a wink. “And if you eat all of your vegetables you can have dessert.” “Which is?” Brian asked. “Cock ala strawberries and cream.” Brian nodded, hiding the fact that he was not hungry for that either. Steve’s concern was deepening. Brian hadn’t been himself since he left Justin. He was now withdrawn and quiet. Steve knew it had been hard on his lover to leave the younger man but they both knew it was the best thing for everyone. Brian played with his food, resenting all the carbs on his plate. Justin made a point to only have low carb foods at dinner. Steve knew the rules he just chose to ignore them. Brian found that quality very irritating. “Well I have tickets for a show for us.” Steve announced. “When did you do that?” Brian asked. “On the plane coming from London.” Steve admitted. “I was sort of counting on things working out for us.” Brian wasn’t sure why that bothered him but it did. “I’m not really up for a show.” Brian admitted. “You’ll love it, just give it a chance.” Steve refused to be denied. “Besides it is part of your Christmas present.” He moved up to Brian and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Part?” Brian asked. “Why yes, part. The rest you will have to wait on.” Brian nodded, realizing he had nothing for the other man. He had an expensive cashmere sweater for Justin but nothing for Steve. He wasn’t sure what that meant. He’d suspected he would see Steve over the holidays but had never thought to pick something out for him. Oh well, he’d get that done this week. It was the week before Christmas. There were still a few days to shop. Brian pulled out his cell phone and hit Michael’s number. When the man answered, it was obvious from the noise in the background that he’d called at a bad time. “Hello?” Michael shouted trying to hear his friend. “Brian?” He yelled which immediately silenced the individuals laughing and talking around the table. All eyes suddenly on a slim blond who was trying very hard to become invisible, Michael looked around the table then excused himself into the other room. “That asshole.” Deb spat. “Don’t.” Justin warned glancing around the table. “That doesn’t help.” “Well he should be ashamed of himself.” Emmett announced. “I mean it’s fucking Christmas.” “Yeah and what are your plans?” Justin immediately changed the subject. “Well I was thinking we could all go up to the Pocono’s.” Deb announced. “We haven’t been up there since Vic died and this year is our year to have the condo during Christmas.” “Sounds like fun.” Jennifer ventured, knowing the change would do Justin good and possibly keep him home longer. “Is there room?” Ted asked, glancing around at the faces at the table. “Sure.” Deb smiled. “We’ll make room.” She too was counting heads. “There are four bedrooms and then a living area with a make out couch and another one in the study.” “Mel, me and the kids have dibs on one.” Lindsay piped up. “Molly and I on another.” Jennifer threw her hat into the ring. “I would think Michael and I should have one and then Deb.” Ben offered, glancing at Em who nodded. “Well, Ted and I can sleep on one of the pull outs.” He replied. “Justin, would you mind sharing the other pull out with Hunter?” Deb asked. Justin shook his head. He really wasn’t even thinking of going. He had no interest in Christmas. “Then it’s settled.” Em announced. “I can’t wait.” Michael moved down the stairs to escape the noise so that he could hear his friend. “What do you want?” He asked irritably. “First of all, you keep your fucking mouth shut about Steve. Second of all, how is Deb?” Brian made certain that Steve was aware that he’d called Michael down for the lecture he’d given earlier. “First of all, I’m not sorry and second of all, she’s fine and third of all, Justin looks like shit.” Michael griped back. “Justin’s there?” Brian asked, suddenly concerned. “Yeah, he came home for the holidays. Guess being alone in what was once his home with you was just too fucking depressing for Christmas.” Brian swore under his breath. He hadn’t thought of that. “He looks bad?” Brian ventured. “No, he looks like the same beautiful blond twink you took home except with dark circles under his eyes and a few less pounds.” Michael ventured. He felt conflicted talking about Justin to Brian. It felt like somehow he was betraying Justin in some way. “Look never mind. Thanks for calling about Mom. I’ll tell her you checked on her.” He was about to hang up “Can I talk to him?” Brian asked suddenly. “Shit Brian, don’t put me in the middle like this.” Michael warned. “Just ask him.” Brian moved away from the kitchen where Steve appeared busy but Brian was certain that the man was taking in every word. Michael moved back into the kitchen, once more capturing the group’s attention. “Brian wants to talk to you.” Michael admitted. He offered his phone. Justin accepted it. “What?” He asked. Brian was surprised to hear his voice. It sounded strong and angry. “How are you?” Brian asked. “Peachy.” Justin replied. “What do you want?” “I just wanted to check on you.” Brian offered. Justin rose from the table not wishing to do this in front of everyone. “Brian, you chose, now fuck off and stop acting like you give a shit.” Justin warned. “I do.” Brian argued. “Well that’s your problem. I don’t want you to. You chose Steve, worry about him. I’ll be out of the house as soon as I can work out other arrangements.” Justin refused to give in to the sadness he felt. “No rush.” Brian offered. “How much do I owe you for the tuition so far?” Justin wanted it all out. He wanted all ties broken. He knew the longer he stayed attached to Brian, even financially, the harder it would be to move on. “Justin—“ “I’m not taking your money anymore and I’m working out a way to pay you what I owe so far, so I would really appreciate it if you would cut the shit and just give me a fucking figure.” Justin sighed, sounding more tired than anything else. “I’ll have to get it from my accountant.” Brian replied, unsure of how he felt about what Justin was saying. He had to find a way for the blond to continue with his education. He would just send the university the check directly. “Thanks.” Justin replied. “You have anything else you want to say to Michael?” He offered. “No.” Brian admitted. The phone went dead. “Fuck.” Brian ran his hand through his hair then placed the phone on the table. “How is Justin?” Steve asked, bringing out a plate of cheese and crackers with two glasses of wine. “Well, apparently that’s none of my business.” Brian was angry and it showed. ”Well he’s right there. It isn’t.” Steve agreed. “Just because we aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly stop caring about him.” Brian argued, resenting Steve’s readily acceptance of Justin’s position. “No, of course not but he’s right that it isn’t any of your business. His life is no longer intertwined with yours so his well being is his concern, not yours.” Steve reasoned. “Michael said he looked like shit.” Brian offered, clearly worried. “What did you expect? That he would be up and fucking around by now? He loved you. He still loves you. It will take awhile.” Steve reached out and stroked Brian’s hair. “I loved him too.” Brian admitted. “I know, but you love me more.” Steve cupped the man’s cheek and turned him until they were looking into one another’s eyes. Brian felt the spark and fell into the man’s arms, finally consummating their new life together. … Justin made his way up the path and hesitated only momentarily before ringing the bell. A pretty woman with blond hair opened the door and greeted him with a smile. “You must be Justin.” Justin nodded. “I’ve seen your photos for years.” She added. “You haven’t a changed a bit.” Justin grimaced slightly but remained polite. “May I come in?” He asked clearing his throat. “Sure. I’ll get Craig.” She offered. “Have a seat.” She gestured to an expensive living room set in the formal living area. Justin sighed and looked at the couch for a moment before opting to stand. “Justin?” His father extended his hand. It was awkward but they shook hands. “You look good.” His father offered. “Let’s not start by lying to one another, okay?” Justin offered sincerely. His father gave him a smirk then nodded. “So you look like shit. Is this because of Brian?” He asked, not pulling any more punches. Justin wished for a second he’d kept the bullshit approach in place. “Yeah.” He replied. “That’s why I’m here.” He offered. “I don’t understand.” Craig stated, offering Justin a seat. Justin accepted it then took a moment to gather his thoughts before proceeding. He knew it was important that he get this right. “Dad, Craig.” Justin glanced up unsure of which his father preferred. “Dad.” Craig affirmed, struck by his son’s insecurity as to where he ranked in the man’s life. “Dad, I think you know now that my sexuality is not a passing phase. I’m gay and nothing you do or say can possibly change that fact.” He licked his lips then pressed on. “I want to go to college. I’ve worked really hard in my art classes. Brian’s been paying my tuition. We aren’t together and well, it ended badly. I need money to pay him back what I owe him and then I need help finishing my degree.” Justin looked up and waited for his father’s response. “Justin, you know how I feel about your lifestyle.” Craig began. “Dad, don’t.” Justin interrupted. “I can’t change that. It’s who I am. It’s a separate issue from my education.” “I don’t see it that way.” Craig offered. “Don’t you want to be proud of me? Don’t you want me to achieve all that I can?” Justin asked. “I’m smart Dad. I do very well even with outside circumstances that should prevent it. I need your help.” Justin continued. “I just don’t want to see you get a degree that will never support you. It isn’t a wise investment.” Craig argued. “I’m not a wise investment?” Justin asked(,) his hurt obvious. “That’s not what I said. An art degree is not a wise investment. I want you to have a real career when you get out of college. That’s why I’ve insisted that I will pay for Dartmouth or another prominent school where you can learn a real profession.” Justin realized that it was a losing battle but he’d come knowing it would mean a compromise. “Okay.” Justin nodded. “I’ll go.” He agreed. “You will?” Craig seemed pleasantly surprised. “Yeah. I’ll go to Dartmouth if you will pick up the bill.” Justin replied. “Gladly.” His father smiled. “And I need 50,000 more to pay Brian off.” Justin added. “Shit.” Craig was shocked. “He’s paid that much?” “Parson’s and PIFA were both expensive.” Justin admitted. “I can pay you back but I want that debt settled since we aren’t together anymore.” Craig took in the subdued demeanor of his son and remembered Molly’s words. Brian Kinney had hurt him badly. He wanted the fucker out of his son’s life for good. Perhaps without Kinney(,) Justin would also reconsider his choice in sexuality as well. Craig realized he would have to take one step at a time. “I’ll write him a check.” Craig offered. “No, it has to come from me.” Justin declared. “It’s my debt. I’ll accept whatever terms you want on the note.” “No terms.” Craig replied, rising to get his checkbook. He hastily wrote out the check. “Give me a day or two before you deposit this. I’ll need to move some funds.” Justin nodded. He knew he should at the very least feel relieved but he didn’t. This victory felt like failure. “I’ll have to reapply to Dartmouth. Maybe I can get some courses at Carnegie Mellon this Spring.” Justin offered. “I’ll get you in.” Craig announced. “I give a shit load as an alumni. I’ll get you in.” He announced. “You’ll be there in January.” Justin nodded taking the check. “Thanks Dad.” He replied. “I’m sorry he hurt you Justin. I never wanted that.” Craig admitted. “I know we haven’t been very close lately but you’re still my son and I don’t want you hurt.” Justin nodded then placed the check in his pocket. “You have one of my paintings in your hall.” Justin offered. “Yeah, I went to a student show you had last year.” Craig admitted. “I never said you weren’t talented. I just want you to have something to fall back on. Hell, get a business degree and run a gallery. I just want you to have something marketable.” Justin nodded. “Well, I better go.” Justin headed for the door. The blond woman appeared again. “Why don’t you stay for dinner?” She offered. Justin could tell both she and his father wanted him to. He gave a slight nod and his father slapped him on the back. “Great.” The man announced. Justin gave him a small smile. He felt like the sell out was now complete. He’d never realized how much his relationship with Brian would cost him in the end. … “What the fuck?” Brian opened the envelope. A check and a note fell out. Picking up the check he was shocked to see that it was for the amount he’d emailed to Justin earlier in the week. “What is it?” Steve asked laying down the magazine he’d just received. “A check for 50,000 from Justin.” Brian announced. “Where did he get that from?” Steve asked. “Is he from money?” “No.” Brian admitted. “Well, not his mother anyway. She’s a real estate agent. His Dad had money but he’d never go to Craig.” Brian continued to stare at the check. It had been six weeks since their break up. Brian had received an email from Justin notifying him that the blond was out of their house and that all that was left were the things that Brian might want. Brian had returned to the townhouse with Steve. They’d been surprised to find that Justin limited what he had taken to clothing, a couple of framed pictures but left everything else that they had purchased together for Brian. “It’s a money thing.” Brian had observed. “He never felt like any of it was his.” He walked over and picked up Justin’s MP3 player. It had been a gift and yet it too had been left behind. Brian picked up his cell and dialed Justin’s number only to learn that the number had been disconnected. “The phone was returned.” Steve’s voice surprised him. The man was now standing behind him holding the note in his hand. “What does it say?” Brian asked, angry that Steve hadn’t mentioned that Justin had returned his cell phone. “Paid in full. I’m grateful for your generosity. Justin.” Steve dropped the note in Brian’s lap. Brian felt as though his world had suddenly tilted on its axis. What the fuck was going on? First Justin leaves their home with practically nothing, then he returns the phone Brian had given him, now he sends a huge check to pay off his tuition debt. Brian had no idea what was going on, but he was going to find out. “Jennifer?” He felt uncomfortable the moment she answered. “Brian, what do you want?” She was short and he understood why. “I was wondering how I might locate Justin.” He offered. “And you think I would tell you?” She smirked. “Well think again Einstein.” “Jennifer, there is no need to be rude about this.” Brian felt like telling the woman to fuck off but knew that she was more than likely his only link to finding Justin. It wasn’t like he hadn’t eaten a plate of her shit before. “Well Brian, we see things very differently.” Jennifer replied. “Jennifer, he sent me a check for 50,000 dollars.” Brian interrupted her. “Where the hell did he get this money from?” He asked his concern evident. “That’s not your concern Brian. Justin is an adult as you’ve pointed out countless times. He makes his own decisions. Just accept it and consider yourself completely out of his life.” She hung up, leaving Brian staring at the receiver. “Well?” Steve asked coming back into the room. He was growing so weary of Brian’s difficulties in letting Justin go. The younger man, to his credit, had left them alone except for taking care of some essential final business. The final bit being the repayment of the debt, now it truly was over. Steve was thrilled. He couldn’t understand why Brian was struggling with it as much as he was. Steve wondered if Brian was perhaps having second thoughts. He sat next to the other man waiting for Brian to look at him. Once he did Steve cleared his throat. “Are you having regrets?” He asked seriously. “If you are, leave now.” Steve’s tone was grim. Brian knew that the man meant what he was saying. “I wouldn’t call it regret.” Brian admitted. “It’s just odd. I mean our lives were so connected and now I don’t have a fucking clue where he is.” “And that’s a bad thing because?” Steve asked. “Because even though we are no longer lovers it doesn’t mean that I don’t care what happens to him.” Brian argued. “Well he obviously doesn’t want you to care. He’s making this easy on you. It’s a gift Brian. Take it. It’s the last thing he can give you.” Steve admitted, realizing with new clarity what Justin was doing. Brian realized that the man was telling the truth, but instead of making it easier to accept, Brian knew Justin’s actions were making it harder. He didn’t want this to be easy. He’d loved Justin and still did, it should never be easy. It wasn’t easy for Justin, so why should it be easy for Brian. “I just …” Brian began. “I don’t even know where to send the tuition.” He offered weakly. “Well I’d say the deal is officially off now, Love.” Steve stroked Brian’s arm. “It’s just us now. So let’s get on with it, shall me? “ Brian gave a slight nod, still lost in his own thoughts of Justin and what it meant to have no connection to him anymore. … Justin was amazed by how different Dartmouth was from PIFA or Parsons. He felt at times that he was back at St. James Academy. He kept a low profile in his classes and in the dorm as well. He made finding a job and getting his own apartment his top priority ever since the day he’d walked in on his roommate fucking his girlfriend. Mark was nice. He and Justin got along fine but he was extremely straight. Justin worried that he’d find out about his sexuality then make his life a nightmare. “Hey, Sarah has this girlfriend who thinks you are totally hot. You could fuck her.” Mark announced as they both got ready for their nine o’clock classes. “No thanks.” Justin replied as he tied his shoes. “She’s cute.” Mark offered. “No thanks.” Justin repeated. “Why not?” Mark offered, curious as to why his roommate, who had half the girls in their dorm after him, never seemed very interested in any of them. “I was just dumped.” Justin admitted honestly. “I don’t want anything to do with anyone.” “Oh man that sucks. You could get sympathy points for that though.” He offered. Justin laughed at that. Breeders were an interesting lot. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Justin offered. “And thanks for trying to include me” “Hey, no problem. You’re my man, right?” Mark slapped him on the back. Justin winced then laughed as he left the room. Mark was an interesting case. He was a cool guy, had really gone out of his way to make Justin feel included, but there was something about him that made Justin feel certain that if he knew Justin was gay everything would change. Justin sighed as he headed down to check the job board again. He hated living a secret life and desperately wanted to join the Tolerance Club, but he didn’t dare while living in the dorm with Mark. He noticed the new addition immediately. “Wanted: Graphic Artist, part-time to full-time. Flexible schedule a must. Some weekends and evenings. Call 555-1122. Ask for Tyler.” Justin immediately raced to the pay phone. “Instyle Design.” The receptionist answered. “Hello, yes, I need to speak to Tyler.” Justin glanced at the clock in the resident hall office. He was going to be late to his class, but if he got the job it would be more than worth it. “This is Tyler.” A man’s voice came over the line. Justin was amazed by how calm he felt. “Hello. I’m Justin Taylor, a student at Dartmouth. I noticed your ad on the job board.” “Yes. We are looking for a graphic artist.” The man explained. “We do contract work for various advertising firms in the country. Do you have any experience?” “I interned for Vanguard when I lived in Pittsburgh. I was a student at Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts as well as Parsons in New York. I can bring my portfolio by.” He offered. “What are you doing at Dartmouth, if you don’t mind me asking?” The man ventured. “Not wasting my life on a pointless degree in art.” Justin replied, his tone conveying more than the words alone. Tyler laughed. He already liked this kid. “So Mom and Dad told you to go for something as a back up plan?” He asked. “Something to fall back on, yes.” Justin replied leaning against the wall, oblivious to the two girls who were admiring him from the lounge. “Well come by and we can talk.” The man offered. “What’s the address?” Justin grabbed a pen and began jotting down the man’s words. “How about 3?” Tyler suggested. “I’ll have to check the bus schedule.” Justin admitted. “No car?” Tyler asked. “That could be a problem.” Justin felt his hopes die. He remained silent, unsure of what to say. “Tell you what, I’ll meet you.” Tyler ventured. He wanted to see the kid’s portfolio before he dismissed him from contention. “Great.” Justin leapt at the opportunity. He knew if the man gave him a chance he’d get the job. “When?” “There’s a coffee shop in the student center right?” Tyler had graduated from Dartmouth, but realized that life on the campus was constantly evolving. “Yes.” Justin assured him. “Be there with your portfolio at 3.” Tyler ordered. ”Yes Sir.” Justin replied. “I’ll see you then.” He hung up, immediately heading back to his room to organize his portfolio and update his resume. “Justin?” He halted at the sound of Carol’s voice. He knew she had a crush on him but had been trying to avoid having to hurt her. “Hey Carol.” He smiled. “I’m in a rush.” He admitted honestly. “Yeah I heard. You getting a job?” She asked. “Hopefully.” Justin ventured. “Well if you do I’ll take you out to celebrate.” Justin wasn’t sure what to say. He smiled again and nodded. He wondered how she couldn’t tell. Every gay man he’d ever met had realized he was gay within seconds of meeting him. How was it that the women on campus seemed to miss it completely? …. “Cynthia, just find out.” Brian demanded as he leaned back in his chair rubbing his temples. “Hey.” The door opened revealing his lover. Steve moved to Brian’s chair and then sat in the man’s lap. “What are you doing?” Brian snapped. “Seducing you.” Steve kissed up Brian’s neck. “But if you have to ask I must not be doing a very good job of it.” “I’m just busy.” Brian pulled away from the man. “Busy?” Steve challenged. “Busy doing what?” He started looking through the papers on Brian’s desk. They were all notes, in a chaotic jumble but after reading a few Steve realized there was an underlying theme. “Justin?” He offered. “I just want to make sure he is okay.” Brian replied wishing he didn’t sound so defensive. “He’s okay and even if he isn’t, what the fuck would you do about it?” Steve was at the end of his rope with Brian’s continued obsession with the blond. “I would help him.” Brian replied without hesitation. “He doesn’t want your help.” Steve spat. “That’s why he’s disappeared from your life. He’s moving on. He’s accepted that it’s over. So why the fuck can’t you?” Brian considered Steve’s words. He wanted to reject them. He wanted to argue that the connection that he and Justin shared was far too deep to ever be severed completely but it appeared at least that Justin had managed to do just that. Brian found himself wondering if Justin ever thought of him, ever dreamt of him, ever called out his name while having sex with someone else? “I just feel like—“ “A shit? Well me too. The way he discovered us was tasteless and quite inexcusable on both our parts, but it’s done Brian. We did it. We aren’t sorry, so let’s put it all behind us.” Steve took a deep breath and released it. “Now I heard you had an offer on the townhouse.” Brian nodded. In all honesty there had been a part of him that had been reluctant to sell until he knew whether Justin might need it again. He didn’t dare voice that concern to Steve at the moment though. The man was obviously on edge. Brian knew that Steve felt insecure where Justin was concerned. He’d tried to reassure the man but his words never seemed to erase the nagging fear that Brian was going to leave him for the younger man. Brian got up from his desk and moved to his partner. He wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist. “I care what happens to him. I can’t help it. I can’t be truly happy until I know he is happy as well.” Brian offered. Steve kissed him then deepened it. He did love Brian and especially this side of the man. “Hire someone to find him then. He hasn’t dropped off the planet.” Brian smiled. He nodded, though in fact he’d done just that a week ago. … Tyler knew Justin Taylor the moment he walked into the coffee shop. He licked his lips in anticipation. He was young, he was beautiful and unless Tyler’s radar was off, he was gay. “Justin?” Tyler smiled extending his hand. He noted the way Justin checked him out as well. The attraction was mutual. “Hi.” Justin smiled shyly taking the offered seat. “What can I get you?” Tyler offered. “A job actually.” Justin joked refusing any coffee. “Well let me see your portfolio.” Tyler accepted the case and began perusing the art. It was immediately obvious that Justin was being wasted at Dartmouth. This was an artist of great potential. “There is a shift in your work.” He noted. “Some of the work was from a few years ago before I was injured.” He admitted. “You were injured?” Tyler inquired. Justin sighed as he realized he was about to discover how discriminatory the company was even before he was hired. “I was bashed at my prom.” Justin maintained eye contact. “My boyfriend showed up, pissed off some psycho in the crowd, he blind sided me with a bat. I lost some motor control in my right hand. I use a computer for most of my projects now.” He replied. Tyler noted the difference in the artist style as he processed the man’s comments. It was obvious that he’d been brilliant with quite the feel for the human form, but that he’d definitely learned how to compensate. His latter works were just as promising and possessed an impressive amount of resilience. Tyler looked up. “When can you start?” He asked, stunned by the sunshine smile the blond returned. “Right away. How much does it pay?” He asked as an after thought. “Fourteen an hour, 20 minimum hours a week and all the weekends you want to put in.” Tyler offered handing back the portfolio. Justin couldn’t believe his luck. He could move out. He could find his own place. Things were looking up. He knew he would never be as happy as he had been with Brian, but step by step, he was trying to find away to have an acceptable existence without the brunet. “About transportation?” Justin offered still concerned. “We’ll sort that out. You can do a lot of the work out of the art department here. I’m friends with a few of the professors. I’m sure I can work it out.” Justin nodded. Tyler knew it was possible for the vast majority of the work to be completed on campus, but actually wanted to find a way to get the artist into the shop a few times a week. For some reason, he wasn’t sure if it was the man’s looks or his obvious intellect, Tyler definitely wanted to get to know Justin Taylor better. “So how about I take you out to dinner to celebrate?” Tyler asked. He noticed a quick shift in the blond’s demeanor. “I don’t think so, but thank you.” Justin replied politely. Tyler studied Justin for a moment accessing the younger man. Something had happened. He wondered if it was still an after effect of the trauma he’d endured. He accepted the man’s decline and set up a time for Justin to come in and fill out the necessary paper work. “Welcome to Instyle Design.” The man extended his hand. Justin took it, feeling a spark race between them. He quickly removed his hand, realizing that perhaps this wasn’t his lucky day after all. … “He didn’t just disappear.” Brian yelled into the phone. “Now find him!” Steve walked out of their bedroom. “Trouble?” He sighed not really caring. Brian had been so distant ever since he’d moved into the apartment, Steve was starting to wonder why he’d thought it was a good idea in the first place. “I’m paying this guy a fortune and all he can tell me is that Justin is no longer in New York. I told him that much from the postmark on the envelope the check arrived in.” Steve paused and considered his lover. “Brian, we have to talk.” Brian glanced over at him. Steve gestured to the loveseat. Brian sat down wondering what Steve’s problem was this time. He felt like the man was a walking lecture. “Look.” Steve began. “We can’t build our new life while you are still wading around in your past.” “Meaning?” Brian wanted clarification. “Meaning, let him go.” Steve warned. “Or else.” “Is that an ultimatum?” Brian asked. “Yes.” Steve assured him. Brian nodded. “I don’t do ultimatums.” He warned. “I don’t do lovers who call out another man’s name but it’s happened more times than either of us want to admit.” Brian looked away. It was true. He’d called out Justin no less than eight times in the last few weeks. He couldn’t help it. Whenever Brian felt himself falling over the edge he always saw the blond laid out beneath him working him, pulling from him. The image was overwhelming. Brian missed it so much. He loved having sex with Steve. He loved how slow and sensual it had been in the beginning but sometimes there was something hot about a hard, fast fuck. Justin understood that. He and Brian had fucked in more bathrooms, alleys, and elevators than Brian could remember. He’d tried to advance on Steve once in an elevator and the man had reprimanded him like a fucking school teacher. “What do you want from me?” Brian asked. “I want you to call off the dogs.” Steve announced. “I don’t want to hear his name again.” Brian furrowed his brow. He was still grieving his own loss. How could Steve demand so much? Was he really this intimidated by the blond? Brian conceded. “Call them.” Steve handed him the phone. “Now?” Brian asked really wanting to give the detective another day. “Now.” Steve demanded. Brian took the phone and dialed the number. A few moments later he was hanging up, having terminated his contract. “Good.” Steve announced. “Now, let’s go up into the bedroom and try to recapture all those feelings that brought you to me in the first place.” Brian allowed himself to be pulled from the love seat and down the hall to their bedroom. He closed his eyes but Steve refused to continue until he opened them once more. Brian and Steve made love all night until both men were spent. Steve drifted off into a blissful rest while Brian remained awake deep into the night wondering where Justin was and what he was doing now that Brian was out of his life. … Justin loved his job. He knew he was doing a good job. After only a month Tyler was already putting him on more important accounts. “So what is your major?” Tyler asked as they sat, working up a logo that was needed out in LA. “Business.” Justin admitted. Tyler and he met one another’s gaze then both started laughing. “I figure I’ll manage a gallery.” Justin admitted reluctantly. “You’ll be filling galleries. You’ll be having shows all over the world.” Tyler announced. “I have a few friends in the art scene. In fact, I’m having a little get together at my home for them. Why don’t you come and spend the weekend with us.” Justin looked up unsure of what was exactly being offered. “I don’t know.” He hedged. Tyler watched him shift uneasily in his seat. “Justin,” The blond looked up meeting his gaze. He found Tyler very attractive but knew he wasn’t ready for anything, not even casual sex at this point. “We are both aware that there is definitely mutual attraction between us, correct?” Tyler offered. Justin nodded, sighing with resignation. He was about to lose his job. “I can’t be with you.” Justin admitted bluntly. ”Is there someone else?” Tyler asked in confusion. Justin had never mentioned anyone else. “No.” Justin replied. “But there was.” He glanced up from his work and his eyes revealed everything that Tyler needed to know. The older man nodded. “Broke your heart?” Tyler offered. Justin nodded. “Someone at school?” He ventured. He knew how excited Justin had been to finally move off campus. He’d never considered that it was to get away from an old lover. “No, he was older. He’s a partner in an advertising agency in New York.” Justin offered. “I know I lot of ad men.” Tyler moved to get a better look at Justin’s work. He peered over the younger man’s shoulder and wasn’t surprised to see exactly what he’d hoped for. “Who is he?” Tyler pressed. “Well the man I was with was Brian Kinney.” Justin admitted reluctantly. “And the man he dumped me for was Steve Brenner.” “Oh shit! Are you serious?” Tyler stepped back. Justin nodded furrowing his brow. ”You know them?” Justin asked. “Not Kinney but yeah, Steve Brenner, I know him. I thought he was in a relationship. I guess that ended though. Now that I think about it, I heard that his lover moved out to California not to long ago.” Tyler offered. “Yeah well, Brian was sent to New York when Vanguard merged with Brenner’s company. That’s when it started. I just got caught in the middle.” Justin’s loss was obvious. “Sounds like you got caught more on the outside than in the middle.” Tyler offered. “Yeah, kicked to the curb with the rest of the trash. I was just some young stupid piece of ass.” Justin muttered. “It’s not the first time I’ve been someone’s fuck, but it will be the last.” His resolve struck Tyler. This kid had really been hurt. Tyler felt disappointed. He’d accepted after the first two weeks that Justin was more than just some college kid. He was a man in his own right. He was strong, intelligent, charming and handsome. Tyler wanted to get closer but after learning about his brush with Steve Brenner, Tyler had no idea how to proceed. Steve had a reputation for pilfering other people’s lovers. He’d stolen the last man he’d been with and now he’d taken Brian Kinney away from Justin. “Brenner has a reputation.” Tyler acknowledged. The blond looked up clearly interested. Tyler continued, feeling Justin deserved the truth. “The guy he was with before, Peter something or the other, had been in a committed relationship, but Brenner broke that up.” “Hm.” Justin pondered that information. “Well home wrecker or not, Brian’s in love with him.” He went back to his work. “It wasn’t you.” Tyler continued. “I mean look at you Justin. Surely you know it wasn’t you.” “It was me.” Justin offered. “He wanted someone older, richer, more sophisticated. Everything I can’t be right now.” He sighed not wanting to discuss it further. “Come stay with me this weekend. Let’s make some contacts for you.” Tyler offered. Justin looked up. “No funny business.” Tyler crossed his heart causing Justin to laugh. Tyler looked so innocent but Justin had learned first hand that appearances were deceiving. “Okay, no funny business.” Justin warned. Tyler nodded in agreement. He was content. Now that he knew where Justin was coming from, Tyler was confident that he could find a way under those walls and into the kid’s heart and before that, certainly in his pants. … The exhibit was marvelous and so was dinner as the two men strolled out of the exclusive club hand in hand. Steve leaned in and captured Brian’s lips. He enjoyed the way they fit together. Brian was more than aware of the advantages of it when they fucked but somehow he missed the way Justin tucked up under his chin whenever he held him. He missed the feel of the smaller man wrapped in his arms as they spooned one another until sleep took them. It was good with Steve and Brian was sure that in many ways their equality in size made it better in some ways but he sometimes longed for silky strands of blond hair, and the feel of Justin curled into his side seeking out his warm and protection. “So the graphics were good?” Steve asked. “They were amazing. I can’t remember a time that I was happier with a consultant before.” Brian admitted. It had been Steve’s idea. Steve had used the company up in New Hampshire before and had been pleased with their work. Brian had been skeptical but had to admit that whoever had worked on the account had real talent. He sent along a personal message, something he hardly ever did, to let the owner know that more business would be coming their way. He had added a warning to the man to guard their talent because he and Steve were always on the look out for new people to enhance their company. “So now what?” Steve asked holding Brian’s hand while the other man hailed a cab. “How about some decaf then home?” Brian offered. “Wonderful. Let’s hit that little sidewalk café that we saw a week ago.” Steve suggested. “It’s fucking freezing.” Brian complained. “It’s exhilarating.” Steve assured him. Words he would live to regret when they both were home in bed with bronchitis the next week. … “Justin, the company loved the art work you did for the new BWI launch.” Tyler passed on the note minus the signature which had been clipped off. “And Jean Altrevet is VERY interested in possibly having a small selection of your work in her gallery.” Tyler watched as Justin’s face broke into the biggest smile he’d seen yet. It took every ounce of willpower for Tyler not to reach out and grab the blond then kiss him. Tyler knew he was falling for Justin and there wasn’t a thing in the world he could do to stop it. Whenever he considered the way Kinney and Brenner had treated him, he wanted to plant his shoe up both of their asses. He didn’t mention that the note had come straight from the King Asshole himself, Kinney, concerning Justin’s graphics. He’d break that news to Justin soon enough. For now it was enough for Justin to know that he was successful. “Wow. That’s …” Justin stammered. “I don’t know what to say.” “Say you’ll have dinner with me.” Tyler suggested. Justin bit his bottom lip. Things were getting more complicated as time went by between he and his boss. He knew that Tyler was interested in him and if he was being totally honest, he would admit that the attraction was more than mutual. He’d had several dreams lately where Tyler had been the star instead of his usual leading man. Each time he’d woken, Justin had been hard as a rock and found release much quicker thinking of Tyler than of Brian. Brian was still in his heart, he just now occupied a lower corner. Justin knew he would never completely get over Brian, but after almost three months he had made good progress in that direction. He’d fantasized a few times about looking up at work and seeing the man coming down the hall. He’d imagined the look of surprise then delight on Brian’s face. In his fantasies, Steve was there too, calling to Brian but Brian always ignored the older man, his focus totally on Justin. “Justin?” Tyler called again. Justin laughed as he blushed. “Sorry. Active imagination.” He apologized. “Well?” Tyler asked, hoping he had been a part of where ever Justin had momentarily gone. “Okay.” Justin admitted. “Dinner.” “My place.” Tyler offered. It was a statement but Justin knew it was also a question. He nodded, his eyes softening. Tyler knew he was starting to make headway with the blond and his heart skipped a beat at the prospect. He knew he was making a fool of himself chasing after a man who was nine years his junior, but he didn’t care. Justin wasn’t a typical college boy. In fact the longer he knew Justin the more he realized how atypical he was and how fucking stupid Kinney had been to ever let him go. … “Just think about it.” Michael argued. “I don’t know. I have some papers to do and I also already said I could work.” Justin excused. “Please Justin. We HAVE to get the rest of the next issue together.” Michael begged. Justin sighed. He did want to see the rest of the family but there was one member he didn’t want to be around. “Is Brian coming?” He asked bluntly, realizing there was no reason to side step the issue. “Nope.” Michael admitted. “Steve called and canceled yesterday. They are going to Europe.” Michael’s mocking tone made Justin laugh. “Don’t be a biotch.” He laughed. “He’s still your best friend.” “I’m still pissed at him for hurting you.” Michael admitted. “Stay out of it. I’m a big boy; I can handle it myself.” Justin argued. “Okay, okay.” Michael agreed. “So you’ll come?” “Okay.” Justin agreed. “Email me the map. You’re sure there will be enough room?” He asked. “Yeah want to bring someone special?” Michael asked enthusiastically. “No, there is no one special.” Justin shut that down immediately. “I’ll send you the map. Everyone but Steve and Brian will be there. It’s going to be a great week.” Michael was so excited it was contagious. “I’ll see you on Sunday.” Justin agreed. “Are you sure you aren’t pissed off?” Justin asked Tyler over their weekly dinner. It had become a ritual, one that Tyler looked forward to more than anything else all week. “No, of course not.” He smiled. “I’m just you know…” He paused then muttered. “going to miss you.” He glanced up and caught Justin watching him. Justin blushed and looked down then back up, meeting Tyler dark gaze. “What’s happening to us?” Justin asked. Tyler smiled softly then set his fork down. “I think we’re both starting to realize there is more to us than friendship.” Justin wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He knew he wasn’t over Brian yet. He still loved Brian and he knew that the mere thought of getting involved with someone else was far too painful to consider at the moment and yet he knew Tyler’s words were true. He did have feelings for the man. He did look forward to being near him. He did shiver whenever the man’s hand would brush his or the heat of his body would press in on him when Tyler was looking over his shoulder examining a design. “I’m not ready for anything.” Justin admitted focusing on the man as well. He was older, not as old as Brian, smart, funny, fun to be with, kind, compassionate, and handsome. Justin wondered for a moment what Tyler would be like in bed then forced that thought aside. It was too soon for that. He had a good thing at work, he didn’t need to literally fuck it up. “I know that. I realize that.” Tyler said softly. “But are you at least thinking of it?” He gave the man a mischievous smile. Justin loved that smile. It was so different from anyone else’s that he knew. ”Yes.” Justin admitted. “I’ve thought about it, but that’s how I know I’m not ready yet. I’m still in love with someone else and I can’t hurt you the way I was hurt. I won’t.” Tyler nodded accepting the reality of their situation. “Well this is good isn’t it? I mean we have fun together.” Tyler offered. Justin nodded. Tyler raised his glass. “To friendship with a small promise of maybe there might be, at some point in the near future that neither of us can see, a chance for more.” Justin laughed as they clanged their glasses together and downed their wine in one gulp. … Michael was stunned as he watched the black Jag pull up in front of the condo they’d all gone in on for the week. He pulled out his phone to warn Justin but the man was out of signal range. He cursed and put it back in his pocket. He watched as Brian and the other man stepped out of the car. “Fuck, is that him?” Emmett asked over his shoulder. “Yep I think so.” Michael replied. “Justin will shit a brick if he sees them here.” Ted nervously offered. “Well it’s too late now and I can’t reach him.” Michael defended. “Hey Mikey.” Brian’s voice greeted him. Michael gave him a guarded smile. “I thought you two were headed to Europe.” Michael stated more than asked. “Change in plans.” It was obvious that there was tension between the two men. Something was up, that much was evident. “I wanted to see my son.” “Dada.” Gus cried as he hustled out onto the porch and into his father’s arms. “Gus, this is Steve.” Brian introduced the other man. “Just?” Gus asked in confusion. “No, Steve.” Brian corrected his son. Gus looked at the older man with great suspicion then reached for his mother. Lindsay took him from Brian who was clearly trying not to make a big deal about his son’s confusion. “He’s just use to seeing you with Justin.” Lindsay explained sweetly. “You must be Lindsay.” Steve extended his hand. Lindsay shook it as well as she could with a three year old in her arms. “Yes. I’m Lindsay. This is Melanie. Emmett. Ted. Deb and Carl are in the kitchen.” She offered. “Hunter is out somewhere snowboarding I believe.” Steve gave everyone a smile which was met by a polite but cool reception. Brian pushed into the house resenting the way they were being treated. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Deb exclaimed. “I was invited.” Brian announced as he took up residence on the couch. “Thanks for the welcome.” “Well, Michael said you weren’t coming.” Deb continued explaining her confusion. “That was my fault I’m afraid. I wanted to surprise Brian with a little trip but he really wanted to come here instead. I didn’t realize his son would be here.” Steve explained. Brian tensed slightly knowing that his lover was lying. Steve had known and merely not given a shit about whether or not Brian had time with Gus. Brian had suggested that Steve go on to Europe without him but Steve had insisted on coming along to meet the family and to get to know Gus. Brian had felt his manner reeked of insincerity but then again Brian was starting to see that much of what Steve did reeked of insincerity. He had been an ad man too long to shoot straight. The group all took their seats as they each did their best to tolerate Steve’s presence. An hour and a half later the sound of the front door slamming caused Michael to jump to his feet. “Hey college boy.” He called. Brian heard Justin’s voice in reply. “Whose Jag?” He asked as he entered the room. His eyes landed immediately on Brian and Steve. He stopped in the doorway leading into the living area and leaned onto the door frame. His eyes met Michael’s. “You said they weren’t coming.” His voice was even and without emotion. “They said they weren’t. They changed their minds. I tried to call you.” Justin gave a little nod then mouthed good-bye to Michael as he turned and headed back out the door. “Good thing we aren’t far from Dartmouth.” Ted murmured. ”Dartmouth?” Brian spat. “Is he at Dartmouth?” All the pieces started falling into place. Brian rose to his feet. “Don’t.” Michael warned. “Fuck off.” Brian pushed past his friend. “Brian, let him go.” Steve added. Brian was already down the hall and to the front door. The rest of the family trooped in behind, ready to defend the blond if they had to. “So how’s Dartmouth?” Brian called, catching Justin just as he reached his car. Justin ignored him and opened the door. “How does it feel to be a sell out?” Brian continued. Justin paused only for a second as the older man scored a direct hit. “Shut up.” Melanie pushed Brian from behind. “You asshole.” Michael watched helplessly as Justin pulled out of the drive and disappeared down the road. “Why did you do that?” He turned to confront his friend. “Haven’t you done enough?” “He has no business being at Dartmouth.” Brian argued. ”What business is it of yours if he is?” This came from Carl who had yet to weigh in on the Brian/Justin saga. “Justin never wanted to be—“ “What the fuck do you care what he wanted to be? He wanted to be with you. You didn’t give a fuck about that.” Melanie took aim. “Stay away from him.” Ben warned. “What the hell is going on here?” Brian asked. “You act like he’s some child who has to be protected from a monster. I’m not a monster. I’m the person who put him back together after he was bashed, who did his best to teach him how to be the best homosexual he could be. That was me. I just want what is best for him and Dartmouth isn’t it.” Brian replied incredulously. “He’s an artist, not a business man, he said it himself!” “Brian, maybe we should go.” Steve offered, feeling much like Custard’s men in an Indian camp. “Yeah, maybe you should.” Melanie jumped back in. “I’m here to see my son.” Brian demanded. “I’m not leaving.” “Well I am.” Emmett announced. “That makes two of us.” Ted moved back into the house to gather his things. “Yeah I don’t really want to be here now either.” Michael stated glaring at his friend. “I think I left the iron plugged in.” Lindsay looked to Mel as they moved past the two men. “Got the picture?” Deb stood her arms crossed in front of her chest. “Yeah I get it. If I don’t love Justin anymore then you guys don’t want me around.” Brian snapped. “No, Brian. I thought you were smarter than that. Shit on one of us. Shit on all of us.” She turned and headed back in the house. “He cheated on me. Where was your indignation then?” Brian spat as he stormed back into the house. “Brian you can’t compare—“ Lindsay began but was cut off. “Why not?” Brian demanded. “He was fucking Ian behind my back.” “He wanted you!” Michael shouted, “But you couldn’t give it to him. You had to fuck other guys in front of him. You had to constantly remind him that he was NEVER going to be enough for you. Then you move to New York, invite him along, he gives up his life to help support yours and you fucking cheat on him then leave him with nothing.” Michael shook his head. “What the fuck happened to you? You loved him when you left the Pitts then suddenly you just didn’t.” “I think we should go.” Steve whispered behind Brian. “Yeah, I think you should.” Deb piped up. “Shame on you.” She added. “He was just a kid who loved Brian and you had to use all your money, your advantages to make him look less in Brian’s eyes.” Brian furrowed his brow. Steve had done that. He’d made many comments belittling Justin. Cracks about his age, his maturity, his sex drive, his likes and dislikes, he’d subtly been undermining Justin from the first day that they’d met. “Just because he was young didn’t make him less.” Lindsay had tears in her eyes. “He loved you Brian. Gosh, he loved you so much.” “I loved him too, but I love Steve more. You can accept him or not but understand that Justin and I are over. We are never getting back together.” Brian demanded. “It’s over. He knows it. I know it. Now accept it!” The group grew silent as each slowly made their way to their assigned rooms considering their threat to leave and whether or not they planned on following through with it. … Justin pulled up in front of Tyler’s house unsure of why he’d actually driven there. He got out and headed to the front door hoping the man was home. Tyler had noticed the car driving down the winding path from the main road and opened the door before Justin knocked. He was shocked by the younger man’s appearance. He looked exhausted and broken. “Justin?” Tyler began. Justin threw himself into Tyler’s arms covering his lips with his own. Tyler started to push him away. He wasn’t sure what had upset Justin so much but whatever it was, he was certain that sex wasn’t going to solve it. Justin deepened the kiss and immediately began working on Tyler’s zipper. Tyler reveled in the feel of the man’s tongue deep in his mouth. Justin tasted as good as he’d imagined. He came to his senses just as he heard his own zipper going down. He reached up and grabbed the blond’s hands, taking a step back. “No Justin.” Tyler warned. “Don’t you want me?” Justin’s desperation broke the other man’s heart. “Of course I want you. I want you more than I can begin to tell you with mere words, but this is a mistake. What’s happened?” Tyler cupped the smaller man’s face. “I saw them.” Justin admitted. “They weren’t supposed to be there but they changed their plans.” He muttered walking out of the man’s reach. “They were just sitting comfortably on the couch. “ Justin looked at some distant point and Tyler realized he was seeing it all clearly in his mind. It was the down side of being an artist, remembering everything in vivid detail. “He called me a sell out.” Justin met his gaze. “Because I’m at Dartmouth.” “That’s ridiculous. Have you even looked at Dartmouth’s Studio Art Department?” Justin shook his head. He’d thought it would be too painful. “Well tomorrow I’m taking you there. I know the head of the department. We will also spend the day in Hood Museum. It’s a wonder all that is there.” Tyler assured him. “It hurts so much Tyler. Gawd, I thought I was better. I thought I was starting to get over him, but then there he is and Steve is touching him. He’s in my spot. That’s MY spot.” Tyler watched as tears broke free from the beautiful blue eyes. “I know Justin. It sucks. Steve sucks.” He reached for the blond. “You deserved better.” He pulled the blond to him and maneuvered him to the couch. He held him for over an hour as Justin sobbed in his arms. It was hard to see how much Justin still loved Brian Kinney. It made him angry at the fucker who had hurt the younger man so much. He wanted to call and give that sack of shit a piece of his mind, but he wouldn’t. Instead he’d keep sending the fucker Justin’s work and accepting the bonus’s that came in return. He’d already set aside an account for the two bonus’ received last month. By summer Justin would have enough to go where ever he wanted and get the degree he really wanted. He’d also keep introducing the artist to the right people. Tyler could see it all. He and Justin jetting around the country from one show to the next, Tyler handling the PR work while Justin just stood around being brilliant. In the end Kinney and Brenner would get exactly what they deserved: each other. ********************************* The cool reception warmed slightly the next morning as the family began dealing with the reality of Steve Brenner as Justin’s permanent replacement. Brian had gone out early with Gus to build a snow man. Michael sat feeding Jenny. “Your daughter is beautiful.” Steve lied. Lindsay thanked him. “We always expected to have one more.” Lindsay admitted. “Really?” Steve replied trying to hide his disinterest. “I’d always thought Justin would want one. He spent so much time with both Gus and Jenny. He loves kids.” Melanie explained. “Oh yes.” Deb jumped in. “Sunshine is a natural parent.” Steve gave a small smile before turning his attention back to the paper. The women all exchanged a look. He was a prick and there was no changing that fact. “Well, I’ll go clean up Jenny.” Deb offered, glad to have a reason to get away from the man. “So Steve how did you and Brian get together?” Carl asked braving the subject no one had dared. “Well the attraction was instantaneous.” He smiled. “We fought it for Justin’s sake but then there was a weekend, Justin had projects due at school and couldn’t make it, one thing led to another and we wound up spending a weekend in bed.” Steve smiled with fond memories. “We said it wouldn’t mean anything but by Sunday we both knew that it did. Justin came in that next weekend and Brian confessed to him. The boy was hurt. Brian took a week to decide, chose Justin then a few months later after he’d moved to New York, realized he’d chosen the wrong man.” “Wow how simple.” Hunter chimed in. He’d always been a little resentful of Justin. The blond had always struck him as a bit of a snob but no one deserved what he’d gotten. “Sucks to be Justin.” Hunter announced. “But at least I’m not sharing a bed with him.” Hunter smiled. “Yeah you like the floor better?” Ben asked raising one eyebrow. ”It’s cold actually.” Hunter admitted. “Well that won’t do.” Michael announced. “Hunter can’t get sick.” His concern was evident and mirrored by the rest of the family. “I’ll sleep on the floor tonight.” Michael offered. “We’re leaving later today.” Brian announced, entering the kitchen with Gus on his back. “He can have the pull out.” “Change the sheets.” Hunter warned. “Everyone in the house could hear you two fucking last night.” “Hunter.” Lindsay warned. “Oops.” He smiled at Gus. “Sorry Gus.” “Just?” Gus asked again. “He had to leave baby.” Melanie offered. “He couldn’t stay.” “He could have.” Brian corrected. “But he had to queen out and run away.” “Lay off.” Carl warned. “What?” Brian was amused by the older man. ”Brian I’m going to talk to you man to man. I wouldn’t treat a dog the way you treated Justin. If someone shit on me that way there’s no way in hell I’d sleep under the same roof as that person. I think he was right to leave and to be honest, I think you and Steve should have left instead. You were the ones who changed your plans.” Carl poured himself another cup of coffee. “Look I’ve just about had it with everyone painting Brian to be this incredible asshole.” Steve stood. “He’s struggled with a lot of pain and grief—“ “Don’t.” Brian warned but Steve ignored him. “This has not been easy. We didn’t mean to fall in love, it just happened. We didn’t mean for Justin to get hurt. It just happened. Could we have handled it better? Yes. Can we change that fact? No. Now get off your high horses and find someone else to beat up.” Tucking the paper under his arm Steve headed in the direction of the study. “No doubt going to have his morning constitutional with the paper.” Hunter snickered. Ted and Emmett joined in. “Fuck all of you.” Brian turned and followed his lover who was indeed holed up in the bathroom stinking up the joint. Brian heard a particularly disturbing grunt and hoped that the man still had his O-ring when he finally finished. That was one of the other things he was learning to cope with that he hadn’t considered. Steve was older so he had older problems. He had hairs in his ears, and they were starting on his back. He farted in his sleep a lot and insisted on eating only bran or bran muffins for breakfast. He was pickier than Brian about décor and also about fashion. He’d even corrected the brunet a few times on the shirts he had selected for various meetings. He was also full of advice and lectures. Brian had never enjoyed fatherly advice from his own father, he certainly had no patience for it from his lover. He heard a flush and waited then heard the expected soft cursing followed by the mad dash for a plunger. Steve had stopped up the toilet again. It was so common at their home that they actually found a designer plunger to put under their sink so it would be close enough to prevent disaster. Nothing like this had ever happened with Justin. Brian could certainly see the advantages of a later model. … Justin woke and was surprised to find that he was in Tyler’s living room on his couch. He sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes and searching for his bearings. “Hey sleepy head.” Tyler walked in with two cups of coffee. “One sugar and lots of cream right?” Justin nodded, gratefully taking the cup. “I feel like an idiot.” He admitted sheepishly. “I totally queened out.” He took a sip and reveled in the feel of the warm liquid embracing his body. “Well, sounds to me like you had a reason.” Tyler observed. “But of course I’m slightly biased.” Justin met his smile and up’ed the ante. “Thanks for not taking advantage of things last night.” Justin shook his head(,) blushing at his behavior. ”Well the church did call this morning. Apparently I’m to be sainted.” Justin laughed. He loved the way Tyler always made him laugh. He looked at the man with new eyes at that moment. Tyler was good for him. They were good together. In some ways better than he and Brian had been. It was equally based, more level in how they approached one another. There seemed to be more mutual respect and consideration. Tyler allowed the silence, feeling certain that Justin was reassessing the situation. “So the Hood today?” Tyler suggested. “Might as well. I told my boss I needed the week off.” Justin admitted. “Yeah, I called him this morning and told him the same thing.” Tyler teased. “He let you off that easy. He’s such a bastard about time off.” Justin played along. “Yeah, you’re right but I had a good excuse.” Tyler admitted. ”Really what was that?” He asked. “Oh, alien abduction.” Tyler called from the kitchen warming up his cup. Justin snickered. “He’s a sucker for shit like that.” Justin laughed out loud as the man returned. He thought about the way Tyler’s eyes lit up when he laughed and how warm his laughter was when it filled a room. He then found himself looking at Tyler’s lips and suddenly remembering vividly how good it had felt to touch them, to kiss them, to lick them, to taste him. “Justin?” Tyler’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. Justin shook his head to clear it. “Yeah?” Justin furrowed his brow. Tyler was amused by the man this morning. He seemed easily distracted. “I’m going to take to a shower. Want to conserve water?” Tyler gave him an exaggerated wink. Justin shook his head laughing again. “No that’s okay. I’ll hug a tree later and even things out.” Tyler laughed as he headed up the stairs. He knew he was officially in love with Justin. He’d lain awake most of the night reliving the feel of the blond in his arms. He’d wanted nothing more than to carry the man up to his bedroom and fuck him into the mattress, but he knew it would be wrong. He didn’t want their first time to be like that, pent up horny frustration. He wanted it to be good and convey how much he felt for the blond. Tyler Stanford was in love for the first time in his life. Brian couldn’t get over the fact that Justin was going to Dartmouth. He knew why of course, just like he now knew where the 50 grand had come from. Craig no doubt had agreed to pay off Brian as long as Justin agreed to go to Dartmouth. Brian cringed when he thought of how hard it must have been for Justin to crawl back to his father and ask for assistance. He wondered what other proviso’s had been attached to the funds? Brian felt sick knowing he had been the one to back Justin into that corner. How could he have expected Justin to take his money after the way things had ended? How had he ever entertained the delusion that he and Justin would some how remain friends after all that had happened? He still found himself sulking from time to time over Ethan. Justin had cheated on him, he’d caught him and then the boy had confessed. He’d done exactly what Brian had. He’d been given a choice and he’d chosen Ethan over Brian. Brian hadn’t acted like a queen about it. He’d continued to love Justin, support him, help him, to be his friend. How could Justin have so completely cut him out of his life just because Brian had fallen in love with someone else? Steve entered their bed room and realized right away that Brian was not reading the novel he had in front of him. He was once again thinking about Justin. “Call him for fuck sake and get it over with.” Steve threw the man’s phone in Brian’s direction. “He’d just hang up.” He offered throwing it back. “Let’s go out tonight. I feel like getting drunk.” “Then let’s stay in. I don’t feel like hauling your ass into a cab.” Steve moved to the living room and retrieved the bottle of JB and a glass. He returned to their bed room and placed the bottle in front of the man. “Go for it.” He poured the first two fingers then headed back to the living room. Brian was an amusing drunk but Steve found the conversation lacking. It usually found a way back to memory lane to the fond days of Brian and Justin. Brian slugged back the amber liquid then poured himself another one. By the time he was on his fourth he had his phone back in his hand. He had stolen Justin’s new cell number off of Michael’s phone before leaving the condo. Hitting the call button he heard the number ringing. “Hello?” Justin’s voice was so familiar. It held no hate or malice, no hurt or pain. Brian realized then how terribly he missed the man. “Don’t hang up.” Brian slurred. “Brian, are you drunk?” Justin asked. “Are you in trouble?” “Yes and no.” Brian replied. “Would you care if I were?” “What do you want Brian?” Justin asked, ignoring the man’s question. “Why do you hate me? I didn’t hate you when you ran off with Ethan.” Justin was silent for a moment. “I gave you everything I could Brian. EVERYTHING. I turned myself inside out trying to please you, to be what you wanted me to be, but that wasn’t what happened with Ethan. You told me how it was and if I didn’t like it I could leave. I had to choose between having someone who would tell me that I was everything to them or having a fuck buddy who actually liked sharing me.” Justin’s voice was even. “That’s a lie. We were more than that. Just because it was open didn’t nullify that it was a relationship.” Brian defended weakly. “Well you asked what the difference is and I’m telling you. I didn’t want to share you. I wanted only you and that’s what we finally had, then you decided you wanted that with someone else. Do you have any idea how long I waited and hoped that I could be enough? Any clue how long I held out for that? You think it was easy watching you be with other men? Do you think that I EVER used our once a week extracurricular fuck rule?” Justin paused. “All I ever wanted was you, but you never really wanted me. Not for a partner. Not for a lover. I was just a piece of ass you liked to fuck, a kid who would worship and adore you, then when you grew tired of being a god you suddenly changed religion and kicked me to the curb. I lost EVERYTHING when I lost you. EVERYTHING.” Justin demanded. “Justin—“ “Don’t. I’m trying to find a good place Brian, but I can’t do that with you in my life. I’m sorry for what happened with Ethan. It was a mistake. I realized it early on but just couldn’t accept it I guess. In the end I knew my heart belonged to you alone, but I don’t see it working out that way now. Even when I was with Ethan I would imagine it, you coming after me, asking me back, telling me that you loved me. It was this huge silly faggot fantasy. I don’t have any fantasies that you’ll want me back. I know it’s over. I can’t compete with Steve. He’s older, wiser, richer, worldly. I’m just a smart kid with a little talent and a nice ass.” “Don’t demean yourself.” Brian cut him off. “Well that’s how it feels Brian. I’m just telling you how I feel.” Justin’s voice was sad and soft. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” Brian admitted. “Well you did.” Justin replied. “And sometimes I’m sorry just doesn’t cut it. What you did was selfish and hurtful and if you really loved me you would never have been able to do that to me. You would never have been able to be that selfish.” “You were.” Brian countered still refusing to let go of Ethan. “Yeah I was. I was a stupid a kid who thought because someone told me that they loved me that they meant it.” He paused. “I guess I was still that same stupid kid until December when your little secret was revealed.” Justin swallowed the lump in his throat. “But I don’t believe it anymore. You say sorry’s bullshit. Well I say love is bullshit. So go fuck your partner, get married, have kids, do whatever the fuck fabulous fags do when they find their soul mates. Just don’t call me or contact me. Don’t look for me or show up when you know I’ll be there. I don’t ever want to see you again.” Justin disconnected the phone just as he lost his battle with his tears. He leaned over the railing of Tyler’s balcony sobbing softly. He wondered if it would ever get easier. Somehow he doubted it. He felt strong arms wrap around him from behind. “Shh” Tyler soothed, pulling the blond to him. “It’s okay Justin.” Justin let his words flow over him wondering if it was a lie or some life line that he needed to grab onto and hold on to if he hoped to survive. … “Well that went well.” Steve gloated. Brian had reached the end of his rope with Steve and his snide remarks. He threw the phone at the man sending it crashing into the wall and shattering into a million pieces. “Get the fuck out.” Brian demanded. “But this is my house. If you want to leave then leave, but I’m sure as fuck not going anywhere.” Steve sauntered into the bathroom leaving Brian steeping in the sudden realization of what Justin had felt like all those years in the loft when Brian had thrown him out. Even when he’d left to come live with Steve he’d still thrown Justin out, claiming that their home was his alone. “Some partner.” Brian muttered feeling terrible but knowing he didn’t dare call the blond to tell him. “You know Brian.” Steve announced exiting the bathroom. “Maybe you should move out for a while.” ”What?” Brian asked raising one eyebrow. ”Well, you are obviously having second thoughts—“ “I’m not.” Brian declared. “I’m just feeling sorry for Justin, for the way I treated him.” “It’s been almost four months.” Steve offered. “What did he say when you called? Did he beg you to take him back? Did he swear his undying love?” Steve mocked. “No, he told me that he never wanted to see me again.” Brian admitted painfully. “Then there’s nothing more to talk about. It’s done. For the LAST time, let it go or move out.” Steve warned. Brian considered the man for a moment. So this was the ruthless business man he’d seen at their first meeting. Brian gave him a nod of concession, once more wondering if he had chosen the right man. … “I want you to.” Justin leaned in kissing Tyler softly on his lips. They’d been growing closer, taking their time after the last few weeks. Justin was still hurting from his break up with Brian but knew that what he was feeling for Tyler was real. “I don’t want to rush you.” Tyler admitted kissing him in return. Justin pushed him down onto the couch until he was covering every inch of Tyler’s body with his own. Tyler moaned. He’d expected Justin to be shy and reserved when it came to sex. Much to his surprise and delight the blond was a sensual seductive lover. It didn’t take long before the two men were dry humping like two teenagers in the backseat of a Chevy. “Justin.” Tyler moaned possessing the blond’s mouth fully as Justin ground his hips into the man’s groin. “Tyler I want to.” He whispered. “Take me upstairs.” He suggested. Tyler pulled back meeting baby blues. He smiled and Justin smiled back. He then sat up and reached for the blond’s hand. They headed up the stairs together. Tyler undressed the younger man slowly letting his lips and tongue taste each and every spot as it became exposed. Justin was amazed by how his body reacted to Tyler’s touch. It was gentle but erotic, giving so much but at the same time demanding. He kissed Justin again, making it clear to the blond that he now was owned and branded. Justin felt a thrill at the thought of belonging to Tyler, to being connected to Tyler. He reached down and began stroking Tyler’s long dick, impressed by its size and girth. Tyler was pleased to see that Justin’s package was equally impressive. The two men moved together in slow luxuries strokes. Justin threw his head back overwhelmed by the way Tyler was touching him. “It’s been a long time.” Justin admitted. “Go slow.” He warned. ”I promise.” Tyler kissed his nose then his cheek then his neck. By the time they were ready to actually have sex Justin was writhing on the bed begging to be taken. Tyler’s dick was hard and leaking. After donning a condom Tyler used lube to prepare Justin. He then slowly eased himself in, taking all the time that was needed to fully penetrate the man. He grazed Justin’s prostate and was aroused further by the sound of Justin’s deep moan as well as the way he arched his back meeting his stroke. “Fuck.” Tyler spat trying to hold off his orgasm. The facts were that Justin was anything but the naïve college boy he’d expected. Someone, Tyler suspected it had to have been Kinney, had taught Justin all the tips and tricks that were around. Justin moved his hips and tightened down around Tyler’s cock causing the man to cry out in pleasure. “Justin.” The man began to cry out over and over until he felt he was about to cum. He lowered his face taking Justin’s mouth kissing him thoroughly, changing his tempo until they were truly making love, each downward stroke meeting an eager rise until Tyler felt Justin’s cum shoot covering Tyler’s hand and Justin’s chest. ‘Youth’ Tyler envied then let himself fall. He held on tight, riding out the final surges of Justin’s orgasm and then his own. Afterwards as they both lay recovering, Justin snuggled into Tyler’s side conflicted by the betrayal he felt, now that he’d given himself so freely to someone other than Brian and reveling in the amazing sex he’d just had with Tyler. He was both happy and sad, euphoric and terrified. “Tyler.” Justin began whispering softly near the man’s ear. Tyler tightened his grip then made a grunt in response. Justin hesitated but then pressed on. “I know this is going to sound really lezzie but, “He cleared his throat. “don’t hurt me okay?” Tyler could hear the vulnerability in the younger man’s voice. He turned slightly until their noses were rubbing together in an Eskimo kiss. “Never.” Tyler promised then kissed Justin’s lips. “I promise.” Justin curled into the older man’s side enjoying the feel of Tyler’s strong arms holding him, holding back the world and making him feel safe. … Brian wasn’t sure how long he could keep it up. He winced as Steve continued to pound away. After a few rocky weeks Steve had decided that perhaps he would try Viagra. It had worked like a charm except no one had mentioned that it took fucking forever to cum with it. Brian had made the mistake of sharing his own story involving the little blue pill. Steve hadn’t found it at all amusing that he’d fucked Justin 12 times that day. The poor blond had complained for a week that his ass hurt. Now Brian was getting more than a little pay back as he found himself wanting to call the ball game and order the man out of his ass. He didn’t bottom much. In fact it was a rare treat for the blond. If truth be told he’d already bottomed more for Steve in six months than he’d bottomed for Justin in three years. Brian didn’t want to examine that so he’d merely decided to focus on his sore ass. “I’m almost there.” Steve panted. Brian wondered if this was how it was for housewives who made shopping lists while their husband’s fucked hem. “Oh yes.” Brian felt Steve jerk uncontrollably adding to the pain and decreasing Brian’s pleasure. Steve finally collapsed upon Brian’s back with a sloppy kiss. Brian eased himself away from the other man. Steve hadn’t seemed to have any problems when they were first together. He wanted to ask the man what had changed but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. “Sorry it took me so long to get there.” Steve apologized. He felt embarrassed and resentful. “I just don’t understand when this became a problem.” Brian confessed as he gently rolled onto his side. “You weren’t using Viagra before.” “Well I was.” Steve admitted. “I did our first weekend together. It has nothing to do with desire. Just age.” He admitted. “Aren’t you still a little young.” Brian began. “It isn’t like I have to use it all of the time. Just when I’m under stress or—“ Steve rose from the bed wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. He could tell that Brian was having issues with his use of the drug. “Or?” Brian asked watching the man pad into the bathroom. Steve paused in the doorway. “Do you even want me anymore?” He demanded. ”What?” Brian was shocked by the question. “You seem so distant, so preoccupied. I..” Steve looked away. “I can’t compete with someone half my age.” He felt old and used. Brian rose from the bed carefully(,) his ass protesting each movement. Steve noted the man’s discomfort and vowed in the future to avoid what had just happened. “Steve, you don’t have to compete with anyone. I love you. I’m here with you because I want to be.” Brian reassured him. “What about Justin?” Steve hated sounding so insecure. “What about him? You saw him in New Hampshire. He looked good. He was back to being the princess I remember.” Brian defended. “You called him.” Steve challenged. “Yes and he chewed my ass out and then hung up. It’s over.” The realization crashing down as he spoke the words, Brian found himself repeating them again. Steve noted the change in the man. “No regrets?” Steve asked reaching out of cup Brian’s cheek. Brian looked up. He shook his head then shrugged. “I wish I had handled it better.” He admitted. “Me too. We hurt him.” Brian nodded. “Could we have avoided that?” Brian asked knowing the answer as well as Steve did. “No more drugs?” Steve suggested. Brian nodded. “Not for now anyway, we’ll just let things happen naturally. No rush.” Brian kissed Steve softly on the lips. “I don’t have the virility of a 21 year old.” Steve met Brian’s gaze. “Neither do I.” Brian laughed softly and Steve joined him. “I used to kill myself trying to keep up.” Brian joked. Steve knew it was a lie. He knew his partner was just trying to make him feel better. He had no doubt that Justin and Brian had had a remarkable and prolific sex life. They kissed again. “Let’s shower and start over.” Steve offered. “I’m afraid my ass if offline for a week at least.” Brian rubbed said ass as he spoke. Steve gave him an apologetic look. “Mine’s good.” He offered, smiling as he led his lover into the bathroom. Brian followed. …. Tyler pulled up in front of the apartment complex two blocks from the main campus. They were overpriced but convenient and Tyler knew it was worth it to Justin. He checked himself in the rearview mirror amused as always by how nervous he felt about seeing the blond. He’d never been so affected by any other man before. He climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. A frantic Justin threw the door open then disappeared back into his bedroom. “I can’t find my other shoe.” He threw over his shoulder. Tyler smirked entering the disaster that was Justin’s residence. He laughed knowing that his apartment had looked identical to his when he had been in college. “Where was the last place you saw it?” He asked. “Your bedroom.” The disembodied voice replied. Tyler got down on his knees moving some art supplies out of the way and checked under the couch. Not locating the shoe he rose then headed into the kitchen. He was thinking of all the odd places where he’d found his shoes over the years. He opened the refrigerator just as Justin came out of the bedroom carrying it. “The refrigerator?” Justin questioned. “Well one time when I was drunk.” Tyler began but Justin’s laughter cut him off. “I found it. I was under a stack of clothes I meant to wash. I just haven’t had time.” Tyler knew that part of the reason Justin was so short on time was his constant shuttling between Tyler’s home and the apartment. “Well why don’t we come back and grab them after the show. We can then do laundry and fuck the weekend away.” He suggested. Justin agreed as he stood. Tyler was taken aback by Justin in his sleek fitted crew and black slacks. “Is it good enough?” Justin questioned. “I have a jacket my mom got me but I hate it. It’s so fucking ugly. It goes with nothing I have anyway.” Tyler made a mental note to take Justin shopping before the next opening. He looked perfect but if this was going to continue to be an on going endeavor he would need more clothing. “You look great.” Tyler admitted. “In fact you look a little too hot.” Justin quirked up a brow in response. “I’m not, besides it’s cold outside.” Justin replied innocently. “Not that kind of hot. Don’t get any ideas with the other young artists who will be drooling over you tonight.” Tyler warned. “Don’t be a tramp; remember mother’s rules.” “Mother’s rules?” Justin replied, smiling as he watched Tyler run his hands erotically over his crew shirt. “Yeah.” Tyler gave him a playful smile. “Leave with the man who brings you or everyone will think you’re a slut.” “Maybe I am a slut.” Justin teased back. “Yeah, but you’re my slut so you will be leaving with me.” He paused looking into Justin’s baby blues before kissing him softly on the lips. “I’m so proud of you.” He pulled back. “Don’t be. I haven’t sold anything yet.” Justin assured him. “You have too.” Tyler argued. “Not in a gallery of this size.” Justin felt nervous and out of his league. “Give it time.” Tyler offered. “I wouldn’t even be here without you.” He added feeling more insecure. “Bullshit.” Tyler laughed. “I just introduced you to a couple of my friends. Your talent did the rest. I had nothing to do with it.” Tyler assured him. “Now let’s go before we are late to your show.” Justin sighed, trying to force all of the nervousness from his system. “You’ll be great.” Tyler offered. “Thanks.” Justin kissed him once more as they left. … “I love this panel. It’s fantastic.” Steve held it up for Brian to see. “Do we have a new artist in the graphic’s department?” Brian asked moving over to where Steve was sitting and taking the panel from him. It truly was beautiful. The client would love it. He’d sign just to get the design. “It’s more work from that company up in New Hampshire, Instyle Design.” Steve confessed. “Their last work for us was exceptional as well?” Brian asked. “The BMW launch.” Steve offered. Brian nodded. “But they are getting harder and harder to get into. They are becoming popular with all the major firms.” Steve warned. “Any chance we could buy them?” Brian asked. “I don’t know. Tyler Stanford is the owner. I’ve known him for a few years. He was friends with Peter.” Steve noted. “Peter?” Brian asked then remembered Steve former partner. He nodded. “Close friends?” Brian ventured. “Oh no.” Steve assured him. “Just knew each other from college. Peter was the one who turned me onto Instyle in the first place. I’ve always been extremely pleased with their work but these last two campaigns have really blown me away.” Steve examined the work closer. “Let’s have the guy up and see if he’s willing to deal. We could use talent like this. It’s still a very competitive market. Any advantage is a good thing.” Brian noted. “I’ll give him a call.” Steve replied. “See how open he is the idea.” “Now, how about some lunch?” Brian offered. “Great.” Steve set the graphic boards down and picked up his jacket. The two men kissed softly then made their way out of Steve’s office and to the elevator. Things were starting to settle into a comfortable routine. Brian was moving on. Justin’s name hadn’t been mentioned in weeks. There was another family gathering coming up over the Fourth of July. Steve had tried to get out of it but Brian once more wanted to see his son. He’d been given the option to stay home but Steve was afraid to let Brian be with so many people who were determined, in his opinion, to break them up. It was still two months away. Perhaps Brian would change his mind. Steve doubted it but he could hope. … It was time. Tyler knew it was time, but now that the moment had arrived he had no idea how to tell Justin without the younger man seeing it as betrayal. He sat at his desk staring out at the beautiful late spring day wondering if he was about to destroy the most important relationship he’d ever had. “Hey.” Justin popped his head in. “Everyone else is afraid to come near you so I’m the sacrificial lamb.” Tyler had been a bear all day, not himself at all. He’d been too preoccupied to even think of his other employees who were caught in the maelstrom of his emotions. He sighed then shook his head. Justin furrowed his brow seeing that Tyler wasn’t going to laugh it off. He entered and closed the door to his lover’s office. He got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach much like the one he’d gotten in the cab a year ago when he’d learned that Brian hadn’t been working the previous weekend but instead had been fucking Steve Brenner. “Just say it.” Justin sat in the chair opposite the man’s desk. Tyler looked up. “If it’s over, it’s over, but just say it.” Tyler couldn’t believe the conclusion Justin was leaping to. “Do you want it to be over?” Tyler asked obviously concerned. “Fuck no!” Justin replied leaning forward in his chair. “But what I want has never really seemed to be a high priority in these situations.” He confessed steeling himself for the worst. “Don’t compare me to the last asshole.” Tyler warned. It wasn’t like him to bad mouth Justin’s ex-lover but he resented that after all they had done together it was so easy for Justin to lump him in with Brian ”Heart Breaker” Kinney. “Sorry.” Justin leaned back again, this time not meeting Tyler’s gaze but instead keeping his eyes down. “Justin, I have to tell you something and I’m so fucking scared it’s going to ruin everything.” Tyler’s misery was evident. Justin looked up and met his gaze. “Are you in love with someone?” Justin asked his voice sounding as young as he looked. “Yes.” Tyler replied honestly. “You.” Justin didn’t seem to trust it for a moment so Tyler stood and moved until he was kneeling next to the younger man. He kissed him slowly at first then allowed it progress naturally until they were both breathless and wanting to move things to the couch. Tyler held Justin in his chair knowing he had to make a clean breast of the situation “What?” Justin asked his concern returning. Tyler moved back to his desk and brought out a bank passbook. He handed it to Justin who opened it and was surprised to see his name on the account. He checked the balance. “50,000 dollars?” He exclaimed. “One of the clients that contracts out to us has been sending bonuses. They have done it in the past but these were substantially larger and all connected with work that you had completed. I opened this hoping that you could use it to fund the necessary travel and exposure to get your real career as an artist off of the ground.” Justin was shocked and touched. “But this is your company. I work for you so the money is yours.” Justin argued not feeling right about receiving full compensation. “Justin,” Tyler sat on the edge of his desk. “Do you think I’m hurting for funds? Look around you. Instyle is doing better than ever. I could retire and never look back if I wanted to. I could turn things over to Howard or Rachel and just take off for a year traveling and working PR for perhaps an artist I believe in.” He suggested. Justin rose and kissed him once more. Tyler reveled in the feel of it knowing it might be the last one he ever received from Justin. Tyler cleared his throat. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done—“ “There’s more.” Tyler interrupted wanting to set it straight before Justin said anything he would want to take back. Justin waited patiently. Tyler shifted on the desk uncomfortably. “Just say it.” Justin repeated his line from earlier feeling nervous about Tyler’s sudden change in demeanor. “Justin, I do business with a lot of agencies.” Tyler began. Justin nodded. “So?” The blond pressed. Tyler sighed. “Those bonuses.” He gestured to the passbook. “All came from Brenner Vanguard.” Tyler watched as a myriad of emotions raced over the younger man’s face. Finally Justin thrust the passbook back in Tyler’s direction. “I don’t want Brian’s money. I don’t want anything from him.” Tyler didn’t accept the blue book. “He didn’t give it to you. It’s from me. You earned it. The bonuses were sent to Instyle Design. It was at my discretion that the funds were awarded as they were.” Tyler rationalized. “I still can’t take it.” Justin felt betrayed. Tyler had known all along that Steve and Brian had been the two men who had hurt him so badly and yet he’d kept the fact that Justin’s work was for them a secret. “Justin?” Tyler watched as the blond tossed the book onto his desk then moved to leave. “Where are you going?” Tyler demanded. “To clean out my desk.” Justin threw back over his shoulder as he reached for the door handle. Tyler moved quickly intercepting him. “Why?” He demanded. “You lied to me.” Justin struggled out of Tyler’s grasp. “No, I never lied. You never asked.” Tyler knew it was weak. Justin rolled his eyes impatiently. “Okay, that’s a sucky argument but it was business Justin, only business.” “No Tyler. It wasn’t. They hurt me. Do you understand that? I came here to get completely away from them and yet here they are fucking with my life again.” Justin sighed, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden intrusion. “So Brian Kinney wins again.” Tyler spat feeling angry. “Yeah I guess so.” Justin replied weakly. “Jeez I need to meet this guy. If he has this kind of power over someone. Fuck.” Tyler knew why it was still hard for the blond. Justin was still in love with the prick and it was that knowledge that pissed Tyler off the most. “I just don’t want—“ “Anything to do with him.” Tyler finished for him “Yeah, I get that” He cupped Justin’s face forcing the young man to meet his gaze. “Then let all of it go Justin. Don’t let him influence the rest of your life.” He challenged. “He doesn’t.” Justin snapped back. “Then why won’t you move in with me?” Tyler challenged. It had been the subject of many Sunday afternoon discussions. “I told you.” Justin defended. “Yeah, right, I know. It’s too soon.” Tyler didn’t believe it completely. He knew Justin was protecting himself but also on some level had accepted that there was a part of Justin that was still hoping that Kinney would show up and whisk him away. “It’s too soon. We haven’t even known each other that long.” Justin argued weakly not wanting to admit how afraid he was of being hurt again. “And yet I know I love you.” Tyler softened slightly. Justin looked away. The blond sighed. When had life gotten this complicated? “Take the money Justin. If you don’t want to do any future projects for Brenner Vanguard fine, but take this money and use it.” Justin glanced at the book. Justin started to move away from the man. Tyler felt overwhelmed with regret as he watched Justin struggle with this new knowledge and intrusion by Kinney into his life. “I’m sorry.” Tyler pulled Justin to him, relieved that the blond didn’t seem to resist. “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I would never hurt you and yet I know I did. Please baby, forgive me.” He whispered kissing Justin’s neck as he asked. Justin didn’t know what to think or feel at that moment. He wanted to forgive Tyler. He wanted to believe Tyler’s words, but suddenly he felt as though he were drowning in deceit as the memory of catching Brian and Steve in the pantry began mixing with the knowledge that they had been using his work to further their company. “I don’t know what to do.” Justin admitted. “Take a few days and get some space.” Tyler suggested. Justin nodded clearly unsure of himself. Tyler stepped away and watched as the blond left his office. He sighed and flopped down on the couch burying his head in his hands. He loved the younger man and what had started as a plan to help Justin, had just cost Tyler everything. He continued to sit lost in his thoughts and devastation. He heard a light knock on the door and was about to tell whoever it was to fuck off when he heard it open and watched as Justin entered his office again. Tyler braced himself for the worst as the blond moved to kneel beside him. Justin stared at the floor for a moment before looking up and meeting Tyler’s shining eyes. “I think I love you too.” He admitted softly. Tyler fell into the words, reaching for the younger man and pulling him to his body. He kissed Justin thoroughly then began the mantra once more. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I love you. I’m sorry.” Justin let the words flow over him. Somewhere deep inside his heart he knew a part of him wanted these words from another’s lips. Accepting it would never happen, Justin allowed the man in his arms to devour him, to heal him, to comfort and finally to love him. … “I heard from Tyler Stanford.” Steve mentioned as Brian entered the conference room. He surveyed the layouts. They were the latest ones to arrive from Instyle. “And?” Brian asked impatiently, wanting things settled before the client arrived. “He isn’t interested in selling and…” Steve paused still perplexed by Tyler Stanford’s next bit of news. “They won’t be doing any work for us in the future.” “What?” Brian exclaimed. “Why the hell not?” He leaned over the table his eyes blazing. “He didn’t really give an adequate reason in my estimation. He just said that they would no longer be associated with Brenner Vanguard.” “Fuck!” Brian found this totally unacceptable. “Do you have his number?” Steve nodded. Brian rose. “It’s in my rolodex on my PDA.” Steve announced. “I think I left it on my desk.” Brian nodded. “You handle this until I can get back.” Brian stormed out of the conference room just as Cynthia entered with a plate of pastries and fruit. “The coffee is coming.” She offered. “This isn’t your job anymore.” Steve offered. Cynthia nodded. She didn’t really dislike Brenner but she certainly had issues with the way he had wheedled his way into Brian’s life, pushing Justin out of the way without a second thought. Cynthia had always liked Justin. She’d always believed he was good for Brian. She wasn’t convinced whether Steve was or not. “You ready to pitch this?” Steve asked. Cynthia nodded. She loved being an account exec but was nervous about her first solo pitch. She wished Brian was around. Looking at the art work she smiled. “It’s really good.” She marveled. “Yep, well enjoy it. The company we’ve been farming out to just handed us our walking papers.” Steve admitted. “Brian’s trying to get them to reconsider at this moment.” “Hope he pulls it off.” Cynthia offered. “He will. He can be very persuasive when he wants to be.” Steve smiled. … Tyler was watching Justin sleep. They were having a lay in. He’d already called his assistant telling her that he was spending the day at home. He marveled at how peaceful the younger man looked. If he’d had any doubt as to how he felt for the blond it was certainly clear from the range of emotion Tyler felt looking at the silky blond locks and perfect ivory complexion. The sound of his cell phone jolted him. He reached for it trying to spare the blond. He noticed that Justin was shifting his position. Something he always did right before he woke. Tyler cursed as he answered the phone. “Yes.” He said irritated as he watched Justin’s eyes open then squint against the morning light. A small smile and a mouthed good morning brought a smile to Tyler’s face as well. “Mr. Stanford?” A male voice inquired. “I got this number from your assistant; I trust I’m not interrupting anything important.” Tyler furrowed his brow and considered telling the caller that he was interrupting, but what the fuck difference did it make now. He doubted that the man would apologize. “What can I do for you?” Tyler asked wearily as he reached for Justin and pulled him closer to his body, mouthing a quick apology for the call. “This is Brian Kinney of Brenner Vanguard.” Tyler sat up slightly tensing. Justin was immediately alert to the shift in his disposition. “Mr. Kinney.” Tyler greeted him watching as the blond’s eyes went wide, his expression troubled. “What does he want?” Justin whispered. Tyler shrugged and shook his head. “Look I was just talking to Mr. Brenner and he informed me that Instyle Design will no longer be taking any work from our agency. I was wondering if there was some way we could work out whatever issues were involved that caused this sudden change in business relationships.” Tyler realized then that Brian was smooth. He was obviously bright and talented to be where he was at his age. He found himself trying to visualize the man behind the voice. The man who had captured Justin’s heart and even now maintained a hold on it. “I don’t believe we can Mr. Kinney.” Tyler replied rubbing his hand on Justin’s back soothing the blond. “Can you at least tell me what’s happened to change our dynamic?” Brian asked irritated by the man’s stubborn nature as well his elusiveness. “We have extenuating circumstances which necessitate the limiting of our customer base.” Tyler replied meeting smooth with smooth. Justin was beginning to get the jest of the conversation. Instyle was no longer going to be working for Brenner Vanguard. He felt relieved to hear it but wondered why Tyler hadn’t mentioned it. “Was this a compensation issue?” Brian asked pressing the man. “Certainly not.” Tyler assured him. “Then I really don’t understand.” Brian was angry now. He had no intention of losing this contractor. “Well there is really no need for you to understand Mr. Kinney. It was a decision made at the executive level of our company and it stands.” Tyler was growing angry as well. He could hear this man’s words coming at Justin. ‘I’m in love with Steve Brenner. It just happened.’ He looked down at the clear but troubled blue eyes and he bent down kissing Justin’s head. “Mr. Stanford, I think we are both reasonable people. Surely if my partner and I traveled up to your shop we could find a way to work this out.” Tyler felt a slight panic at the thought of either man being anywhere near his lover. Justin was doing much better but he still had his bad days. Tyler knew he wasn’t over Kinney and the last thing that they needed in these early days of their budding relationship was the brunet showing up and fucking everything up. “Mr. Kinney, I’m not quite sure what part of no is eluding you, but I suggest you accept and respect my company’s decision to eliminate Brenner Vanguard from our customer base. Any attempt to change this directive will be pointless I can assure you. Feel free to come to New Hampshire though. It’s a beautiful state, just don’t bother stopping by.” Tyler disconnected. “What an asshole.” Brian slammed down the phone. “What an asshole.” Tyler turned to Justin. “He just knows what he likes and he is used to getting it.” Justin defended. Tyler let it pass. He understood why Justin still felt the need to defend someone he cared about. “So?’ Tyler raised both eyebrows. “I’m thinking you need some time?” “Did you really eliminate them from our customer base?” Justin asked slightly awestruck. “Yep.” Tyler reported. “Won’t that hurt your profits?” Justin asked as the man began moving on top of him. “Nope.” Tyler smiled. “It’s worth it baby. You’re worth it.” He held Justin’s gaze then brought their lips together sealing his sentiment. Justin kissed him back. He could still feel the emotions racing through his body in reaction to Brian’s call but he knew he was where he belonged for now. “Tyler?” Justin asked between deep penetrating kisses. “Yeah.” Tyler breathlessly replied. “Don’t call me baby.” They both laughed as they took their passion to the next level. … “I wish you would just drop it.” Steve wearily stated as he placed their dinner in front of them. “He was just so fucking unreasonable. He had no good reason. I know our compensation and bonus packages had to be far above what they normally receive.” Brian huffed staring at his food but not really wanting it. Pasta, Steve knew he hated carbs at night. He’d already gained almost ten pounds no doubt mostly because of all the fucking pasta Steve put together at night. “Brian, the man doesn’t want to do business with us.” Steve sipped his wine watching as Brian pushed his plate away. “Something wrong with your food?” He inquired abrasively. “I can’t eat carbs this late and you know it.” Brian gave up trying to be polite and carried his plate into the kitchen dumping the food into the trash. Steve narrowed his eyes. That was fine, Brian could just start cooking. He was growing weary of being the ‘little woman’ anyway. “What would you suggest we do? It isn’t like they are the only decent graphics company. There are several firms right here in the city that I’ve used before.” Steve continued. “Tyler Stanford is talented but trust me there is far more talent than people willing to pay top dollar for it.” He sipped his wine again. Brian returned to the table with a shot of whiskey. Steve raised one brow. “Concentrating on my grains.” Brian replied sarcastically making it clear that he didn’t need Steve’s lecture on nutrition. “I’m getting fat.” “You are not, but keep drinking that shit as much as you are and you will.” Steve warned. Brian slammed back the liquor emphasizing his point. Steve began eating his pasta. He liked it and couldn’t give a lesser shit if Brian went hungry or not. “I’m going to go up there.” Brian announced. “See if that prick can say no to my face.” “He can.” Steve assured him. “Remember, I know him personally. He’ll tell you no and throw you out without batting an eye.” “Is he gay?” Brian asked. Steve nodded then looked up. “You plan on fucking him?” The older man challenged. “No.” Brian replied. “But you’d be surprised how far my charms can get me.” He laughed. Steve sighed resenting that Brian was about to use his ass to keep the firm he’d just announced that they didn’t need. “Is it that you like their style or that you can’t have them?” He asked leaning back in his chair. Brian narrowed his eyes. “What does that mean?” Brian asked irritably. “Just that sometimes I wonder if Justin hadn’t made himself quite so available if you would have walked away so easily.” Brian threw back his chair storming away from the table. “Fuck you!” He threw back at the man. Steve barely registered that his partner had left as he turned back to his food determined to enjoy the meal he’d prepared. … “Tyler!” Justin cried out as he arched his back taking the man deeper. “J!” Tyler echoed filling the condom then collapsing to the bed. He hadn’t topped in a while and hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted to. Lately Justin had been driving the show. He opened his eyes and watched as Justin recovered. He looked over smiling brightly at the older man. “That was hot.” He announced. This was Justin’s ultimate compliment. Tyler laughed pulling the man to him. “Don’t, I’m hot.” Justin protested feeling the beads of sweat slicking his chest. “I know.” Tyler teased kissing his ears. “No I mean I’m hot, temperature, hot.” Justin explained. “How about some water?” Tyler ventured. “How about we do it on the balcony?” Justin requested. Tyler stopped and wiggled his eyebrows. “I want to do it someplace more public.” Justin confessed. Tyler headed down the stairs with Justin’s words in his mind. He pulled out a pitcher and filled two glasses. Justin’s arms around his waist startled him causing him to spill some water. “Shit!” He spat not sure why he was acting like an idiot. Justin stepped back biting his bottom lip. Tyler looked up and could read the young man’s mind from his body language. “No, you didn’t freak me out.” “Yeah I did.” Justin muttered as he reached for his glass. “Don’t lie to me.” The last was added with anger. “I’m not lying. It just threw me a little. I mean I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.” Tyler admitted leaning against the counter sipping his glass. The water was cool and he enjoyed the feeling of it replenishing his body. “Well now you know. It’s hot to go into a club and head to the backroom, to fuck the hottest guy there with tons of other guys watching and wishing.” Justin licked in bottom lip. The gesture traveled straight to Tyler’s cock. “You want everyone to know that you’re mine.” Tyler asked seductively as he moved toward the blond. “I want everyone to know that you are mine.” Justin corrected. “When would we do this?” He asked. “Well there is this gathering. It’s a family thing. It’s in July. I’ll be between semesters and we could go down, you could meet my mom and the rest of my friends, we could go to Babylon and fuck –“ “Where you and Brian use to fuck?” Tyler tried to understand. Justin stopped thrown a bit by the question. “This isn’t about Brian.” He assured the man. “I think it is.” Tyler argued. “I’m not him.” “I know that.” Justin replied frustrated that this was coming up now. “Then stop wanting me to do what he would do.” Tyler spat. “Where is this coming from? I’ve never asked you ---“ Tyler sighed cutting him off. “I know. You’re right. I’m being a prick. I just sometimes feel like he’s between us. I don’t even know what this fucker looks like and yet sometimes you get this far away look in your eyes and I know you’re thinking of him.” Tyler offered. Justin didn’t deny it. Tyler felt hurt by his lack of denial. “So you want to come anyway? I mean we don’t have to go to Babylon. I just thought it would be hot.” Justin offered. “You don’t have to though. I know it sounds sort of juvenile asking you to come meet my mom.” “Why? I’d love to meet your mom and all of the other people you care about.” Tyler offered sincerely. Justin moved into his arms. “I want them to meet you. I want them to see how lucky I am.” He kissed the older man. “What about Brian?” Tyler asked. “He might be there with Steve.” “Yeah, so?” Justin offered emotionless. “You okay being there with them. I remember Spring Break.” He offered not wishing to upset the man. “I’m fine with it.” Justin admitted realizing it was true. “So will you come?” “Sure.” Tyler kissed him. He took Justin’s hand and led him toward the stairs. “Up for round two?” Justin teased. “Yep, and I was thinking a little fresh air would be nice.” Brian walked through the doors of Instyle Design taking in the carefully balanced ambiance. There were the sleek lines of sophistication but also something that was warm and welcoming. He moved to the main receptionist and waited patiently. She looked up and after taking in Brian’s handsome appearance rewarded him with a beautiful smile. “May I help you?” She asked sounding slightly nervous in his presence. “Yes, I need to speak with Mr. Stanford.” He smoothly replied. “Is he expecting you?” She asked checking a schedule book that was in front of her. “No, it’s a surprise.” Brian gave her a warm inviting smile. He knew his power over women and also knew how to use it. “Let me call his office.” She stated. “May I have your name?” “Brian Kinney.” He offered. “Of Brenner Vanguard. She nodded then placed the call. Tyler had been in the middle of going over some work that was to be sent out to California later that day. “Mr. Stanford.” Kim’s voice came over the intercom. “Yes.” He replied obviously distracted. “I have a Mr. Brian Kinney of Brenner Vanguard here to see you.” Tyler immediately came to attention laying the boards aside. “Thank you Kim; I’ll be right out.” He replied turning off the intercom. He grabbed his phone and noted the time, placing the quick call. “Hey.” Justin’s voice came over the line. “Hey yourself.” Tyler greeted him. “I don’t want you come in today.” He blurted out. “Is something wrong? You sound funny.” Justin immediately noted how nervous Tyler sounded. Tyler considered sparing the man but knew it was better to level with Justin. He didn’t want to risk losing any more trust than he had over the bonus funds. “Justin, Brian Kinney is in the reception area waiting for me.” Tyler announced. He held his breath wondering if Justin would want to rush in and see the man. He knew the blond still had feelings for this man. “Thanks for the warning. I’ll just work from my apartment until he leaves. Can you call me?” Justin asked. “Sure.” Tyler was relieved that Justin hadn’t wanted to see Kinney. It was a good sign. “Tyler?” Justin paused as he unlocked his car. “Yes.” Tyler replied feeling a little nervous about meeting Justin’s ex. “Do whatever is best for the company. I’m fine.” He assured his lover. “I will.” Tyler replied knowing that whatever kept his talent happy was best for the company. They disconnected and he left his office. He got his first glimpse of Brian as he entered the reception area. He was an inch maybe two taller, built leaner but starting to watch it. He had auburn hair that seemed perfectly styled, expensive suit and expressive eyes. Tyler could see why Justin had been physically attracted to this man and why Steve Brenner had decided to take him away from the blond. “Mr. Kinney.” Tyler entered extending his hand. Brian seemed a little surprised. They shook hands as Tyler led him back to the conference room. As they entered Tyler realized that Justin’s latest work for the firm in Texas was still on display. “These are good.” Brian noted. “Exceptional work” Tyler nodded. He wondered why Brian hadn’t yet realized he was looking at his ex-lover’s designs. Surely every artist was slightly different in technique. Tyler knew he recognized one artist’s work from another in his firm. “What can I help you with today?” Tyler asked already knowing the purpose of the man’s presence. “I want to see if I can persuade you to continue working with our firm.” Brian glided through his comments. Tyler could feel the sexual energy the man possessed. It would have been seductive if he hadn’t been bedding the man’s last victim. “I thought I made myself clear on the phone.” Tyler resisted. He noted how close Brian was standing to him. Surely Steve had related his sexuality. Tyler found himself curious as to how far Brian was willing to go to get the goods. “Well sometimes a face to face can change the landscape. Don’t you agree?” Brian leaned forward in his chair their hands almost touching. “Sometimes.” Tyler admitted. “Well then what can I offer to change you mind?” Brian leaned back, warm hazel eyes sparkling with suggestion. Tyler realized at that moment if he hadn’t been with Justin he would no doubt be letting this guy fuck him into the conference table. He laughed as he watched it play out in his mind. “You’re very seductive.” Tyler commented, relieved that he was immune to this man’s spell. Brian seemed confused. “But I’m involved with someone I care a great deal about and we’re monogamous.” Brian nodded sagely. “Call him up. We can be monogamous together.” Brian offered. Tyler knew he was kidding but wondered if Steve knew that his lover was flirting this way. “No, I don’t think so.” Tyler replied. “It’s tempting but I don’t share him with anyone.” Tyler’s gaze held something that Brian couldn’t quite discern. Brian felt as though he was being taught a lesson but why would that be. Brian merely nodded. “What’s the real problem with working with us?” He stated bluntly the art of seduction no longer a factor. “We just chose to be selective—“ “Cut the shit.” Brian spat. Tyler was taken aback by the man’s sudden change in disposition. “I don’t want to work with you or Steve Brenner.” Tyler reported. “So it’s personal.” Brian offered. “Very.” Tyler met his gaze refusing to look away. “So what’s changed?” Brian challenged. “You didn’t mind taking our money last month.” “How long have you been with Steve?” Tyler asked. “Our companies merged—“ “No.” Tyler interrupted. “You’re his lover, right?” Brian seemed taken aback by the question. “You’re Steve’s type.” Tyler explained. “He mentioned that you were friends with his ex.” Brian replied obviously guarded. “Yeah I was friends with Peter when he was in a relationship with Devon. Devon was my roommate in college.” Brian tried to follow. “They were in love. Devon was younger though. He had a year to go but he and Peter were in a good place until Steve Brenner came on the scene. I think it took all of a month before Peter and Steve were banging each other.” Tyler held Brian’s gaze. “Peter had started at Brenner’s firm. Devon was to follow.” Brian was starting to find the details of this story disturbing. “I don’t understand what this has to do with your decision to suddenly stop working with us.” Brian kept the conversation on topic. “Yeah, he fed Peter all this shit about how Devon was young and holding him back.” Tyler continued. “Devon went up there to look for an apartment with Peter, came in a few hours early and caught the two men fucking in Peter’s office. I’ll never forget how devastated my friend was. Of course Peter called looking for him after he realized that Steve and he were falling apart. Devon is with someone else now. He’s happy. Peter is just shit out of luck” ”Well then I guess it all worked out in the end.” Brian smiled. “Can we get back to business?” “Yeah it worked out for Devon and for Steve but Peter’s a mess.” Tyler announced. He gave Brian a meaningful look. “Look I don’t like what you are implying concerning my partner or our relationship.” Brian spat sick of Stanford’s game. “Now I came up here to see if there was anyway I could persuade you to keep working with us but you know, now that I’ve met you I don’t think we’d want to pursue this venture after all.” Tyler made it clear that he couldn’t care less as he shrugged a smile in place. Brian was furious as he stormed out of the conference room. Tyler remained behind pulling out his cell phone. “Hello?” Justin’s voice sounded anxious. “He just left.” Tyler announced. He heard the man sigh with relief. “You’ll love this story.” He offered. “You weren’t an asshole were you?” Justin asked. “No, but he isn’t very keen on me.” Justin laughed but was wary of what that meant. “What happened?” Justin asked. “I’ll tell you at dinner.” Tyler offered. “And after today I’m thinking maybe you might want to reconsider your trip home for the Fourth.” Tyler warned. He and Justin both knew that Brian’s appearance had thrown the blond for a loop. “I’ll think about it.” Justin confessed. “I’ll see you tonight.” Tyler didn’t push him on the matter. He had another issue to push. “Have you considered my invitation?” Tyler asked moving into his office. Justin was quiet. Tyler sighed. “Okay, I’ll stop pressuring you.” He reluctantly agreed. “Thank you.” Justin whispered into the receiver. “See you tonight. I’ll cook.” Tyler volunteered. “How about I cook?” Justin suggested. Tyler had to admit Justin was by far the better cook. “That’s a deal. Love you.” Tyler disconnected before the blond had to decide whether to say it back or not. … Justin lay listening to Tyler’s slow even breathing. He eased himself out of the man’s bed and quietly moved out to the balcony, pulling a throw he’d found on a chair around his shoulders. He stared out at the horizon, his mind as far away as the stars above him. So Steve had pulled this shit before. Tyler had eluded that he knew the man but had never come out and actually explained what had happened between Peter and Devon. It was so similar to what had occurred with he and Brian. It was alarming and unforgivable. He wondered about Brian’s reaction. He’d gotten angry. Justin now wished that he had been there so he could have better gauged if it was a protective anger meant to shield Steve or a defensive move because of how easily he’d been played. They’d both been played by Steve. Justin had played the perfect trusting naive lover while Brian had been the vulnerable, older man who still felt insecure about his younger lover leaving him again. Justin sighed leaning against the railing. He didn’t hear the sound of the door opening and was unaware of Tyler presence until he felt his arms snake around his waist. Justin turned in his arms offering him some of this blanket. The man gratefully accepted it. “Whatcha thinking?” He kissed the blond’s neck. “Do you really want to know?” Justin asked giving the man a meaningful look. Tyler nodded. “I always want to know.” He admitted. “That Brian’s going to get hurt.” Justin replied. “And you don’t want that.” Tyler ventured. “No.” Justin kissed him lightly on his chest. “So what is your plan to save him?” Tyler asked feeling as though the blond were already slipping through his fingers. “I don’t have a plan.” Justin admitted. “I can’t save him. He has to save himself.” Tyler kissed his head once more, accepting that his days with the blond were numbered.