To My Readers (If I still have any) Life has been rough. In February my family’s life was turned upside down when my husband was downsized. Due to the need for a more steady income on my part the writing time evaporated. I do apologize that I haven’t updated but I’m sure you all realize why that was the case. I will continue to work on the story but until life gets a little smoother it may be a long time between updates. Thanks for your support and patience Mouse Chapter 9 Guess Justin was exhausted by the time he finally got home to his studio. He wasn’t sure why he’d decided to sleep there instead of his apartment except for the fact that he’d been afraid George and Reuben would be there. He didn’t feel like playing twenty questions when it came to his weekend with Brian. The last thing he wanted was a lecture from George or a rant from Reuben about what an asshole Brian was. To be honest, Justin was still trying to sort out all that he was feeling about their brief encounter. Nothing was ever easy or obvious where Brian was concerned. Justin knew that it was part of the older man’s charm as well as a well honed defense mechanism. For the moment he’d managed to once more find a way under the wire, but he still worried that the longer the separation continued the harder it would be to breech those defenses. Justin had just closed the door when there was a knock. Sighing he unlocked the bolt then rolled it back to find Kate on the other side. He smiled as she immediately launched herself into his arms. “I missed you kid.” She kissed his cheek as she retreated. “I missed you too.” Justin offered. Kate raised one eyebrow as she took in the blond’s appearance for the first time. “Really?” She asked, her amusement leaking through. “Well,” Justin’s smile widened. “Not really.” He laughed and she joined in, overjoyed that things had gone well in Pittsburgh. “Okay well, I’ll forgive you, but you have to tell me everything.” She pushed him further into the studio. Justin allowed it even though he knew he didn’t have the endurance to go through all the details tonight. “Well?” She pressed. “Well.” Justin sighed. “I’ll just cut to the bottom line.” He offered, “Because I’m about to fall asleep on my feet.” “Fine, but tomorrow I get details.” She conceded crossing her arms over her chest. At that moment Justin’s cell went off in his pocket. Grabbing it, he checked the caller id, then offered Kate a huge smile as he opened it. “Hey.” He practically purred. Kate found herself being physically escorted to the door. “Hold on. I have to get rid of my nosey neighbor.” Justin winked at his friend as he mouthed “It’s Brian,” as he waved goodbye. Kate gave a mock pout then turned and headed back to her apartment. Justin knew she would be back early in the morning. He pushed that thought aside, focusing instead on the miraculous call from Brian. “So, you got in alright?” Brian asked. “Yeah, no problem.” Justin admitted. “I decided to sleep at my studio.” “I hope it is nicer than the last studio you lived in here.” Brian deadpanned. Justin laughed. “Not much but it does have a kitchen and bathroom.” He yawned. “I won’t keep you. I know you’re beat.” Brian offered. “Just wanted to say good night.” “I love you Brian.” Justin whispered. “Love you too.” Brian’s reply came so easily. Justin sunk down into the words and let them surround him. The line went dead as Justin collapsed onto the old couch he would be sleeping on for the night. He laid his phone down on the floor then rolled onto his back. He held his hand up staring at the ring. He was amazed how connected he felt to Brian anytime he looked at it. Smiling he turned the band on his finger remembering how good it had felt when Brian slipped it on. Justin felt the cold fingers of sorrow begin to squeeze around his heart as he realized it might be months before he and Brian saw one another again. Refusing to let his sorrow over their separation rob him of this moment, he closed his eyes and drifted off to the sound of Brian’s voice and the promise of their future. --------------- “Ladies.” Brian teased as he took his place at the booth the next morning. Michael quirked an eyebrow up and glanced at Ben before replying. “Justin get off?” He asked smiling. Brian rolled his eyes feigning disinterest but failing. “Several times, but yes the lad is safely back in the Big Apple.” Brian offered with a shrug. Jansen approached, relieved to see that Justin wasn’t with Brian at the moment. He’d heard a rumor that Justin had flown out on Sunday. “Hey Brian.” Jansen tried to sound nonchalant. Brian glanced up then back to the menu. “Coffee and an egg white omelet.” He offered handing the waiter his menu. “Are you not even going to say hello to me?” Jansen demanded. “Hello.” Brian deadpanned. “Coffee and an egg white omelet.” “You act like nothing happened.” Jansen began. “I act like what was nothing?” Brian asked in confusion. ”Us.” Jansen demanded angrily. “Us?” Brian’s eyes narrowed. “What are you talking about?” “Are you seriously going to sit there and pretend that nothing was going on between us before what the fuck showed back up?” Jansen glared back. Brian sighed. “I’m not pretending Jansen. Nothing happened. You came over, we fucked. The end.” Brian offered, ignoring the looks from the other men at his table. “And what the fuck’s name is Justin.” “Whatever.” Jansen spat feeling suddenly small and ridiculous. He’d promised himself he wasn’t going to make a scene and yet he knew every eye in the place was watching the mini drama play out. “I’m not sure why you thought it was more.” Brian offered. “But I can assure you that it wasn’t, to me.” “But I thought…” Jansen began. “You thought what?” Brian demanded, weary of the attention. “I thought..” Jansen stumbled, unsure of what to say. “You thought that we were what? A couple?” Brian asked his expression unreadable. Jansen remained silent but his body language confirmed Brian’s suspicion. The older man softened slightly. “Look Jansen, I don’t do boyfriends.” The blond raised both brows causing Brian reconsider his statement. “Okay I do boyfriends. I have a boyfriend.” Brian offered, then paused for a moment before continuing, a small smile now on his lips. “I have a partner.” “I know he made me look like an idiot.” Jansen spat. Brian laughed at that then shook his head. “He didn’t make you look like an idiot. You knew the score. You knew the risks. Anyone who knows anything about Justin knows that if you try to take something that he wants, he’ll fight you for it. “ “I guess he still wants you.” Jansen mumbled softy. Brian felt his chest tighten but couldn’t explain why it was so hard to speak for a moment, but he finally found his voice. “Yes, I guess he does.” Brian offered. “So get over it.” He continued. “Because that’s not going to change. I want him too and that’s not going to change either.” “But you’ll still like to fuck around right?” Jansen asked, a note of hope rising in his voice. “No repeats.” Brian replied clearly serious about the situation. “I’ve had you.” Brian handed him the menu. “Now place my order, I have a nine o’clock meeting.” Jansen found his body obeying, but then what surprise was there in that. From their previous encounters it had been obvious that Brian Kinney knew exactly what to do in order to get Jansen’s body to respond. The blond knew he was going miss every one of those responses. Brian turned back to the shocked expressions of this friends. “What?” Brian demanded. “Partners?” Michael asked a smile turning up his lips. “That 's what I said.” Brian replied. Michael wanted to say more, but knew better. Justin had made it clear that despite Brian’s doomsday predictions about their longevity, the blond had every intention of making their relationship permanent. Brian looked happier than he’d been in weeks. How could his best friend possibly say anything that might dampen the morning? As he continued to watch his friend peruse the paper, he realized a real best friend couldn’t. ---------------- “I wish I’d been there.” Kate squealed with delight. “You just told the guy to fuck off?” Justin nodded clearly amused by Kate’s delight. “I don’t know what I would have done if I had caught someone I was in love with practically getting a lap dance in front—“ “It’s different.” Justin interrupted. “Brian use to fuck around all of the time. He probably still does.” Kate noted the slight shift in her friend demeanor. “And you’re okay with that?” She challenged. “No.” Justin admitted. “I’m not. I don’t think he’s tricking as much but there is a difference between tricking and having an affair.” “He was having an affair?” Kate leaned in a little more. Justin paused considering what he’d seen on the platform, the way the blond had reacted to his presence. “I don’t know.” Justin shrugged. “In his mind, no, but in everyone’s else, yes he was.” He rose and filled his cup once more in Kate’s kitchen. “So where’s Patrick?” “Running.” Kate sighed. “He runs everyday.” “He’s been gone forever.” Justin offered glancing at his watch. “Well he runs with his best friend from college.” She offered over her shoulder. “Bring me another croissant.” She added. Justin grabbed two and headed back to the table. “There’s a story there.” He offered. “Wanna spill?” Kate picked at the bread then pushed it away in frustration. “He thinks I’m an idiot. He thinks that I don’t know.” She shook her head then glanced up meeting Justin’s sympathetic gaze. “You saw it. Right?” Justin gave a brief nod. “Did he hit on you? Did he make a pass, because he will. It’s just a matter of time.” She offered. “Kate—“ “He runs with his friend, Rob, then they go back to Rob’s place to shower and Patrick shows up here around noon.” She picked up the croissant and took a bite. “That’s not love.” Justin offered glancing at the roll. Kate laughed in spite of her misery and placed it back on the plate. “You’re right.” She replied. “Why should I get fat because my fiancé fucks men?” “And there is the rub.” Justin leaned back. “Why is he your fiancé if you know he would rather fuck men?” Kate leaned back as well holding his gaze. “It’s an arranged marriage. That’s what the super rich do. The children of moguls are merely pawns in the corporate world as their fathers a.k.a. master’s of the universe fight to dominate the great chess board that is life.” Her words were laced with deep bitterness causing Justin to rise and move to her side. She leaned her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m sorry Kate.” He offered. “I know, me too.” She whispered. “What would happen if you didn’t do what your father wanted?” He offered pulling away and cupping her face. “You really are beautiful Justin.” She smiled enjoying his blush. He tried to ignore the compliment, waiting patiently for a response to his question. “My father would be pissed. He’d probably cut off my trust fund.” “Money?” Justin asked incredulously. “It’s all about money? You are about to marry a man who wants to fuck your next door neighbor more than his future bride because of money?” He moved away. She furrowed her brow. “Money’s pretty important, Justin.” She offered. “No it’s not. Happiness is important. Dreams are important. Love is important.” He shook his head. “Money-“ “Makes the world go round.” She finished his thought. “You’re such a bohemian.” “Yes, I am. I’m an artist and some say that makes me flakey but I think it just makes me see the world with a passion that others miss. I see life not as black and white, rich or poor. I see it multicolored with lots of grey areas. I know there are black and whites and love is one of those areas. You either love someone or you don’t. Do you love him?” Justin asked. “Justin, it’s not that simple.” She interrupted. “Yes, it is.” He turned and faced her. “This is about your happiness. You can’t make your happiness out of your parent’s dreams.” He searched her eyes hoping she was really listening. “My father wanted me to go to Dartmouth. He wanted me to be straight. He wanted me to be a business major. He wanted me to be what he’d always envisioned me to be, but that person never existed. Oh, I could have tried. It would have been so much easier on me financially if I’d just played along, gotten my degree, pretended to be what he thought I was.” Justin sighed. “But I would have been miserable. I would have lost Brian.” “So now you’re here in a broken down loft, no money, no Brian-“ She began. “I’m happy.” He offered. She raised a brow. “Okay, I was happy this weekend. I will happy again. I’m not miserable. I miss Brian, but I’m determined I’m going to have it all. My art is selling, my studio isn’t the rat trap it was when I first walked in, Brian has admitted we are still together—“ Justin shrugged. “It’s enough. It’s enough for the moment.” “This decision wouldn’t just impact me.” Kate warned. “My father would realize that you talked me into leaving Patrick.” She sighed. “He’d pull his support.” Kate announced. Justin was surprised but not derailed by the revelation. “Don’t stay with Patrick if you’re unhappy.” He moved closer to his friend placing his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t use me as an excuse. I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your happiness for mine. No real friend would ever ask that.” She felt the tears form in her eyes but refused to let them fall. All of her life she’d been surrounded by two kinds of people: trust fund babies who were more than happy to commiserate on the unfair tactics of money loving parents and false friends who were always jockeying for some position to gain some financial favor from her. Looking into those clear, honest, blue eyes, Kate realized for the first time in her life she had a real friend. “What if he cuts me off?” Her voice sounded quiet and unsure. “You can move in with me, but Kate, you’re employed.” He smiled. “You have a great job.” “He got me the job.” She announced flatly. “Maybe, but you kept it. You are very talented.” He offered. “Why do you have to be gay?” She teased falling into his arms, grateful for his warmth and strength. “It’s genetic.” He whispered into her hair. “If I weren’t, I promise you, I’d take you away from Patrick.” She held him tighter comforted by his words. ------------- The day had been long as Brian pulled back the door to the loft then slid it shut. He noticed his answer machine was blinking. He pushed the button as he began emptying his pockets. “Hey.” Justin’s voice brought a smile to his lips. “I’m going to Chicago in two weeks. It was confirmed today. I don’t suppose you need to check up on Brown Athletics?” He paused. “I miss you. Call me when you get in.” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth amazed by how much better he felt just hearing the blond’s voice, knowing that they were still connected. “Brian.” Michael’s voice was next. “Jansen quit the Diner today. Maw’s looking for you. I just wanted to give you a heads up. She’s blaming you.” Brian sighed as the message ended and the next began. “Brian, it’s Lindsay. Gus and I are coming up to be with my parents. Dad is having back surgery in a couple of weeks. Can we stay with you? Give me a call.” Brian took off his jacket as the last message finished. He headed up to his bedroom where he changed into a pair of jeans and t-shirt. Moving back to the kitchen he opened the cabinet already knowing there was nothing inside. He could order some take out but at the moment wanted to check something off of his list. Grabbing his jacket he picked up his keys and wallet from the desk. He wanted to call Justin but first things first. As he entered Woody’s he wasn’t surprised to find the blond leaning a little too heavily on the bar. He moved up beside the younger man and waited to be noticed. “Brian.” Jansen slurred. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He smiled. Brian knew had it not been for the four empty shot glasses his welcome would not have been so warm from the young man. “Why’d you quit the Diner?” He asked going straight to the point. Jansen shrugged reaching for another glass. Brian’s hand intercepted his. Jansen met his gaze. “I just got tired of it.” He lied. “Tired of what?” Brian asked taking the shot himself and motioning for another. “I don’t know.” Jansen shrugged. “Look, I know today was rough but it was the worst of it. So you misunderstood, that’s no reason to quit—“ “I didn’t quit over you.” He announced loudly. “Is that what you thought?” He almost yelled. “Lower your voice.” Brian warned. “Deb thought that.” He corrected. “I’m not Justin.” Jansen announced slightly quieter. “I’m not a drama queen.” Jansen belched then held his stomach for a moment worried it might come up. Brian watched him warily. “Of course you’re not.” Brian mocked. “Fuck you.” Jansen shot back. “Not anymore and that’s why you quit.” Brian accused. Jansen didn’t reply. “Pity makes my dick soft and you’re fucking full of self pity. Men don’t sit on their asses and cry when life sucks. They find away around it. They find a way to get what they want. Go out show me what I’m missing.” “You don’t want me.” Jansen slurred sadly. “Look at you. Why would I? You think this is a good look for you?” Brian challenged. “Drunk pitiful blond boy ass?” “Fuck you.” Jansen spat. “Jansen,” Brian voice was softer this time now that he was sure he had the younger man’s full attention. “Make me sorry. I want you to. Go out and make something of your life. Have men hanging all over you. Show me. Teach me a lesson. The best way to get even is be as successful as you can.” Brian offered. Jansen swallowed hard pushing past his sorrow to consider Brian’s words. “You know waiting tables isn’t exactly my dream profession.” Jansen countered wondering if this was the window of opportunity he’d been hoping for. “I thought you were going to school?” Brian questioned wishing he’d paid closer attention while they were in bed. “I’m trying to go but I don’t have the money.” Jansen shrugged. Brian narrowed his eyes. Years of being hit on for money by his old man had earned him a keen sense of spotting manipulation. “Well, it’ up to you.” Brian stood. “If you’d rather be a drunk than a graduate then don’t let me interfere.” He started for the door. Jansen was shocked by the older man’s sudden departure. “Asshole.” He muttered as the bartender returned to take his drink order. Jansen pushed the empty shots glasses back in front of the man two stools over as he considered his next strategy. If pity wasn’t the way to Brian’s wallet maybe blackmail was. In the meantime he had living expenses to meet. He turned and surveyed the men sitting around the popular bar. He quickly narrowed the field to the older guy in the second to back booth. He waited until the man met his gaze then offered what he knew was a winning smile. The man smiled back. Jansen knew then that he was well on his way to paying his rent. ----------- “Just ask her.” Justin pleaded. “Justin, her father is having surgery.” Brian sighed. “I miss Gus. She’ll be busy with her folks. She might enjoy the break. She could stay at the loft and you could bring Gus with you to Chicago.” Justin had it all worked out in his mind the moment Brian had explained the conflict. “Justin, it will be two weeks since we’ve touched each other. You really think that’s a good environment for a five year old?” Brian replied as he grabbed some money from his wallet and handed it to the delivery boy. “Brian, we’re both adults, it’s not like we are going to fuck in the airport. We can get a suite. He can have his room and we can have ours.” Justin was getting frustrated. Why was this so impossible? “You know parents fuck after they have kids. That’s how they make more kids.” Brian wasn’t sure what made him so uncomfortable about that statement but there was definitely something that didn’t sit well. “I think it’s a bad idea.” Brian concluded. Justin was silent on the line for a moment. “So when will you be back in New York?” Brian asked wanting to break the silence. “I’m not sure.” Justin admitted. “It depends on how the show is received.” “Justin-“ Brian began. “It’s okay.” Justin offered. “I know you need to see Gus. I just wanted to see him too. It’s okay, it really is.” The blond accepted his lover’s decision without further argument. “Maybe you can stop over on your way back to New York.” Brian suggested. “Maybe.” Justin shrugged. “So how are things for Lindsay and Mel? Are they still liking it up in Canada?” He changed the subject. “Yeah, well I guess.” Brian hedged. “I think that they are both struggling to find work. They only have limited Visas at this point so unless they are employed they can’t apply for citizenship.” “I thought—“ “The gallery closed.” Brian announced. “Oh shit.” Justin wandered away from his latest work heading to the windows. “What are they going to do?” “I guess keep looking for work.” Brian dismissed. “You don’t seem too concerned.” Justin offered as he noted Patrick Sloan entering the building from the street below. “Well, if they get deported, they get deported.” Brian offered. “Probably should have had it worked out a little better before they packed up and went north.” “Yeah I guess.” Justin’s voice was distant. “You busy?” Brian asked sitting up on the couch. “Watching this guy come into the building” Justin replied absently. “A guy?” Brian told himself that he wasn’t surprised and certainly didn’t care if Justin was planning on tricking. He told himself that but unfortunately wasn’t listening. “Kate’s boyfriend, fiancé actually.” Justin offered bracing the phone between his ear and neck as he quickly tossed his brushes into some thinner. “Kate?” The name sounded familiar. “Kate, the woman who jump started my art career.” Justin replied. “Is this the fiancé who –“ “Was checking me out at the show, yes.” Justin announced. “I have to go.” He rushed. “Why?” Brian realized he wasn’t ready to hang up. “Because I want to be there in case she needs me.” Justin offered. “To do what?” Brian didn’t like the way this was feeling. “To break up with him.” He sighed in exasperation. “Didn’t you hear a word that I said?” “You should stay out of it.” Brian warned. “I’m sure you’re right.” Justin conceded. “I’ll call you later.” He hung up as he opened his door and hurried to Kate’s.