A special thanks to Bobbi for letting me know that Lesson in Loving was missing huge chunks from several chapters AND for going to the trouble of finding a copy of my story (I didn’t have a copy any longer) and sending it to me so that I can fix the story on the new site. Bobbi, it’s readers like you that make all the hours, the writes, rewrites, edits and polishing worth it! Thank you so very much!! So this chapter is for you. I hope you enjoy it! A note to readers: I know that the angst is high in this but trust me in just a couple of chapters it is going to get better. Just keep whispering this mantra in your head as you read: “Mouse knows Brian and Justin belong together. Mouse knows Brian and Justin belong together.” Thanks. Chapter 6 is almost finished and the boys come face to face in either Seven or Eight so we are very close. Don’t give up please! Now……………Chapter 5 Kenneth Cole Ted walked into Brian’s office glancing over the sales figures on the Markey account one last look before handing them over to his boss. As he laid the file down on the desk Brian’s cell phone rang. Ted looked around the room for a moment wondering where Brian could have gone. Reaching down he picked up the phone and read Justin’s name on the caller id. “Justin!” Ted greeted. Justin was taken aback by Ted’s voice. “Hey Ted.” He offered, his surprise evident. “Brian’s not in his office right now, so I saw it was you and wanted to say hi.” Ted explained. “I heard you are the talk of the town.” “Not really. It’s New York. There are lots of people to talk about.” Justin sidestepped the compliment. “So Brian’s not around?” He questioned, his doubt evident. “Nope. I’m not sure where he went.” Ted admitted sensing something wasn’t quite right. “Ted, don’t lie. Just hand him the phone.” Justin pressed. “Tell him I know he’s standing there.” “But he’s not.” Ted argued. “I really don’t know where he is.” The older man was starting to realize that answering Brian’s phone may have been a huge mistake. “Fine.” Justin snapped. “Well good to hear your voice. I have to run. Tell Blake and Em hi for me.” He disconnected throwing his phone to the bed. “He was there?” Daphne asked incredulously. “Ted answered but yes he was there. He never goes anywhere without his fucking phone.” Justin was furious and frustrated but most of all just hurt, again. “I can’t fucking do this anymore.” He announced. “I quit calling for this very reason. It’s easier for me to believe that he’s just too busy than to know he’s standing two feet away and just won’t talk to me.” He sat on the edge of his bed his head slumped to this chest. “Justin.” Daphne placed her hand on his shoulder. She wanted to call Brian back and give him a piece of her mind but knew that Justin needed her now. “It will be okay. Ted will tell him that you called and he’ll call back.” She knew it was a lie but it was all that she had at least until she could get a hold of Brian Kinney. >>>>>>>>>>>> “Who was that?” Brian asked as he closed the door to his private bath. Ted was still holding Brian’s phone. “It was Justin.” He offered holding it out to the other man. “He hung up.” Brian hesitated before accepting it. He laid it absently on his desk and moved to pick up the layout he’d been examining. Ted watched him curiously. “He thought you were standing here. He accused me of lying.” Ted offered. Brian continued to stare at the design. “He thinks that you are purposely avoiding him.” Brian kept his back to the man as Ted continued to grow more passionate with each statement. “Brian, you were on the threshold of marrying him five months ago.” He declared. “Now you won’t even return his call?” “Did you bring me the sales figures that I asked for?” Brian asked ignoring his employee’s outburst. “Are you even listening—“ “No.” Brian spat harshly turning to face a startled Ted. “It can end now, it can end tomorrow but trust me it was going to end. I just chose to be the one to do it. There was no way Justin would succeed in New York if he was running back here every weekend to play house.” Brian admitted. “So I let him go. It was for his own good.” Ted seemed shocked by the admission. He considered Brian’s words for a moment before replying. “So you cut him off for HIS good?” He asked his disbelief evident. Brian shook his head dismissing the man’s suspicions. “You know I never gave you two much of a chance. I even laid a few bets against you in the beginning,” Ted admitted guiltily, “ but lo and behold five years later I thought it was really going to happen. You seemed happy Brian. I just don’t understand what went so wrong?” “Nothing.” Brian assured him. “I was willing to be whatever the fuck he wanted but it wasn’t me, and he knew it wasn’t me.” “So it’s all or nothing?” Ted pressed realizing he was on thin ice. “Leave it alone.” Brian warned him. “He sounds miserable.” Ted continued. “He sounds as miserable as you seem.” “He’s better off. Leave it alone.” Brian pinned the man with a glare. Ted began to open his mouth but Brian held up his hand issuing one last warning. “You like your job?” He threatened. Ted zipped up his lip then turned leaving his boss alone in his office. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Brian knew the moment he’d let the blond into his bed once again, that he’d made a mistake. “I was thinking that maybe I should bring over a toothbrush or something.” Jansen tentatively suggested as Brian padded into the bathroom. “No.” Brian’s certainty put an end to any uncertainty that the blond was having concerning their status. “Why not?” Jansen pressed as he stretched enjoying the feel of high thread count against his back. He really liked this loft and especially liked its owner. Brian was cool and distant but his looks and skills more than made up for it. Jansen glanced around the expensive furnishings. They were so beyond anything that he ever hoped to own. He could see where it would be easy to get use to this way of living. He liked the idea of being the new twink in Kinney’s life. Rumor had it that his last model had taken off for the big Apple leaving a vacancy for some lucky gay boy to fill. Jansen couldn’t believe his luck in landing the job. “I’m taking a shower.” Brian growled pulling the blond from his revelry. “Be gone by the time I’m out.” He disappeared through the doorway. Jansen smiled ignoring the threat in the older man’s voice. Kinney didn’t scare him. He laughed softly as the water began running. He stretched once more and slowly moved to the side of the bed. His ass ached but in a good way as he reached for his clothing. Kinney had been a man possessed last night. Jansen tried not to dwell on the other name he’d cried out as he came. Justin, Jansen, they sounded enough alike, it was a slip. The more time that passed slip ups like that would become less frequent. Jansen had just finished putting on his shirt when the phone rang. Glancing back toward the bathroom he shrugged then moved to the side of the bed to pick up the cordless. “Hello.” He answered, dead silence met his greeting. “Hello?” He tried once more. “I’m trying to reach Brian.” A soft voice announced sounding neither hostile nor friendly, just neutral. Jansen figured it was a telemarketer. He got those calls as well. “He’s in the shower.” He offered impatiently. “Can I help you?” He bit his lip finding the tension on the line irritating. “Who is this?” The question was almost whispered. “Not that it’s any of your fucking business but I’m the guy he’s fucking right now.” Jansen offered impatiently. “So if you need a donation or want him to change his phone company I suggest you call back.” He demanded. There was a long silence then the line went dead. “Telemarketers.” Jansen declared as he located his shoes. “Fucking telemarketers.” He repeated feeling certain he just did Brian a favor. “Homophobes.” He laughed to himself realizing that he had shocked the guy on the phone into hanging up. He laughed a little harder as he waited a few moments longer hoping that the man would emerge from the bathroom. He wanted it to be clear that he was leaving on his own accord and not because Brian had ordered him to do so. Finally giving up Jansen grabbed his pack and moved out the door. He slammed the heavy door behind him feeling certain that by the end of the week he’d be back. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Justin sat holding the phone in his hand. “Reuben and I are going out for brunch. Want to join us?” George asked as he came into the living area. He was almost to the kitchen before he took in the other man’s pale appearance. “Justin?” He called in concern just as Reuben knocked on the door. George unfastened the locks meeting his lover’s gaze. He gestured to the blond. “What’s wrong with him?” Reuben whispered. “Kinney.” George rolled his eyes. “What happened?” Reuben asked. Justin glanced up wondering when Reuben had arrived. “Hi Reuben.” He greeted as he placed the phone on the coffee table and stood up. “What happened?” George moved closer. “Someone else answered.” Justin remarked almost sounding natural. He looked away then back to the two men. “Why would someone else answer?” He asked his insecurity bleeding through. “All men are pigs.” Reuben declared then seeing the look he was receiving from George was quick to make the exception. “’Cept you.” He offered innocently batting his eyes in the direction of his lover. George found it far too amusing to do anything but laugh. “Have brunch with us.” George ordered knowing the last thing Justin needed was more time alone to dwell on the loss of his lover. “No, I’m not hungry.” Justin declared. “Besides I need to spend some time in my studio. I’ve been too busy to do that this week.” He moved towards his room. “I just can’t believe he let some trick answer his phone.” He offered his voice distant and troubled. “Well isn’t it better that you know?” George offered. Justin sighed then looked up once more. “No.” He admitted. “I mean I thought it would be, but now that I know the truth, I wish I hadn’t called.” “In the long run—“ “Fuck the long run.” Justin spat then cooled down. “Sorry.” He offered. “You’re just upset Baby.” Reuben moved to Justin’s side. “It will all work out.” He assured him. “You come down to the restaurant next week. I’m on lunches again.” He rolled his eyes clearly pissed about his demotion then offered the blond a sincere smile. “I’ll make you something wonderful.” “Thanks.” Justin accepted the generous offer. “You two go have fun.” He disappeared into his bedroom. “You should call that asshole and tell him to fuck off.” Reuben offered angrily. “I’m staying out of it.” George announced. “It’s for the best.” “Whatever.” Reuben opened the door for his lover and they left. “I don’t even know the guy.” George argued. “You have got to be kidding me.” Reuben offered incredulously. “We’ve both been around enough.” He glanced toward Justin’s door then met his lover’s gaze. “We both know this guy.” >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> “This is the guest list?” Ted eyed the document that Brian had edited. “That’s it.” Brian didn’t look up from his desk. Ted could clearly see that Justin Taylor’s name had been marked through as a “No”. He stood for a moment longer debating about asking the question. Brian beat him to the punch. “The list is exactly as I intend it to be.” Brian shot. “Now move along and get the invitations in the mail. The damn thing happens in less than two weeks.” Ted backed out of his boss’ office his mind grappling with Brian’s obvious mistake where Justin was concerned. In his own office he picked up the phone and dialed Emmett. “Hey Teddy what’s up?” Em greeted, smiling as he continued to examine the fresh oysters at the market. “He’s not inviting Justin. He marked through his name.” Ted rushed. “Whose not? Invited to what? Am I invited?” Em replied turning away from the oysters and back to the conversation. “The Grand Re-opening of Babylon.” Ted explained. “Justin should be invited if for no other reason than he was there the night of the explosion.” “And also because he is Mr. Kinney’s love interest.” Em added. “So what should I do?” Ted asked already knowing the answer. “You add Justin to the guest list, you make certain that you write something personal on his invitation and then you wait to see if he shows.” Emmett offered patiently. “And when Brian kills me?” Ted asked as he added the name to the list. “I’ll make sure they bury you in dark blue. You look nice in dark blue.” Emmett offered. “Thanks.” Ted groused as he hung up the phone wondering what message to put on the blond’s invitation. He stared at the harmless announcement, his mind playing over what he knew of the two men and the complicated nature of their relationship. Scrawling the line he smiled. It wasn’t Shakespeare but it would hopefully move Justin to attend. He placed the announcement in an envelope then handed off the rest of the list to Carol. “These are to go out today.” He announced. She nodded as Ted headed out the door to the post office. He wanted the one in his pocket to go out special delivery. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> “Brian, answer the fucking phone!” Justin shouted into the receiver. Silence. He sighed and hung up. Brian was just coming in from the office. He finished shutting the door to the loft then moved to his desk in order to play back the message. He missed the sound of Justin voice, even when it was harsh like this. He missed everything about the blond. His finger lingered over the delete button as he debated about his little pet obsession that he couldn’t seem to shake. He knew he would play the message over and over for the next few days. Sighing he hit the button just as the intercom buzzed. “What?” He answered in no mood for company. “Can I come up?” Jansen’s voice chirped over the speaker. “No.” Brian declared. “Please.” Jansen tried again. “No.” Brian turned off the switch and headed back to his bedroom. He was going through donations that he was planning to make to the Vic Grassi house. No doubt the fags there would love a little Armani in their lives. Everyone felt better in Armani. There was a sudden pounding on the door. Brian stormed down the stairs ready to chew Jansen a new asshole. He pulled back the door and found himself face to face with his mother. “What do you want?” He spat. “I hadn’t heard from you. I wanted to see if you were okay.” She offered nervously glancing into his loft hoping he was alone. “I’m fine.” He started to slam the door once more but her hand came out blocking the path. “Clare is getting married again.” Joan announced her lack of enthusiasm confirming Brian’s immediate inclination about Clare’s taste in men. “Two failures aren’t enough for her huh?” Brian quipped. “It’s a small service at the court house.” Joan rolled her eyes his distain evident. “It will just be her kids, me and Bill’s two children. And you of course, if you want to come.” “Why would I do that?” Brian asked incredulously. “What opportunities are there for me to molest her children in a court house?” He deadpanned. “Don’t be disgusting that was a mistake. I apologized—“ “No you didn’t.” Brian spat. “Don’t count on me at the reception.” He tried to slam the door once more but her next words stopped him. “Well at least you aren’t one of those ridiculous homosexuals who thinks you are entitled to marry.” He opened the door further until he could see her face once more. “What if I were?” He glared down at her. “You think I’d fuck it up as badly as you and Clare managed to?” “Marriage wasn’t created for that purpose.” Joan ignored his barb. “God created marriage for the procreation of children. It’s to be a symbol of his love for the church. It should be treated with the up most reverence.” “Is that why the divorce rate is so high? What is it 50% now, 60% of heterosexual marriages fail?” Brian pressed. “I’m not sure.” Joan looked away. “It is, but homosexual marriage have a greater success rate. They have a 35% divorce rate. Looks like the queers hold it in more reverence than the breeders. Now why do you suppose that is?” He mocked. “They thumb their noses at God. Marriage means nothing to them.” She spat. “No, it does or else why would they have fought so hard to get that right? It means something to them and because they have to fight so hard to have it, maybe it means more to them. Maybe they hold it in reverence because it isn’t something they take for granted.” He offered. “They can’t just hop up to the court house and get married. No, they have to move to Canada in order to have equal rights under the law.” Brian spat. “I’m just glad you aren’t foolish enough to do something like that.” Joan deflected Brian’s argument. “I’d die of embarrassment.” She announced. “Careful Mother, don’t give me any incentive.” Brian spat as he slammed the door. He moved up the stairs back to his bedroom. He paused for a moment running his hand through his hair. He always let her get to him and he’d never understand why. What the fuck did she know about love and commitment? Brian knew he hadn’t learned about love from his mother. He’d learned that lesson from Justin. He rolled his lips into his mouth feeling an ache at the mere thought of his lost blond. Moving slowly to his dresser he pulled the top drawer open. Reaching inside he pulled out the black box. He held it for a moment before opening it. He ran his finger over the two platinum bands. ‘We don’t need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that.’ Justin’s words filled his head, but the blond had wanted them. He’d waited for so long to have them. ‘Do you ever think that one day you and I…’ The memory of the blond following him down the stairs years ago the afternoon of the muncher’s wedding. The phone rang again. Brian closed the box and shut the dresser drawer letting the machine pick up again. “Brian answer the fucking phone!” Justin’s voice filled the loft. “Why are you doing this?” He demanded. “How can you just act as though I don’t exist anymore?” Silence answered each question. “Please pick up Brian. I know you’re there. You aren’t at work and your cell goes straight to voice mail.” A moment later Justin sighed in resignation, “Well I hear you’ve already replaced me.” He paused a moment. His voice shook and Brian knew that Justin was struggling not to lose it. He fought the urge to pick up, to explain, to somehow convince the blond that this was for the best, that it was easier this way. But was it? Brian wasn’t sure after hearing the anguish in Justin’s voice and feeling it mirrored in his own heart. “I hope that he makes you happy Brian. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” Brian stepped forward but the line disconnected before he could reach the receiver. It took a moment for Justin’s words to sink in. Brian furrowed his brow as he replayed the message once more. A moment later he picked up the phone and dialed Michael. “Did you tell Justin something about me?” Brian spat foregoing the niceties of a greeting. “What?” Michael was surprised. “I told him to call you.” Michael confessed. “That’s all?” Brian spat. ‘That’s all.” Michael was still confused as he heard the phone click off. “Who was that? “ Ben asked looking up from his book. “Brian.” Michael admitted, smiling as he returned to his seat next to his husband. “What did he want?” Ben asked confused that Michael would seem so happy after what had just appeared to be a hostile conversation. “He wanted to know if I spoke with Justin.” Michael snuggled against his partner getting comfortable. “And that makes you happy?” Ben pressed curiously. “It’s the first sign of life.” Michael announced. “A very good sign and it’s about time.”