“Justin?” Lindsay glanced at her clock to check the time, afraid that she’d called too early. “Hey Lindsay.” He rubbed the sleep from his eyes realizing that the Ben and Jerry’s now tasted sour in his mouth after a night’s sleep. “I woke you.” She offered guiltily. “Yeah, but that’s okay.” Justin pushed himself up in his bed. “Had a show last night and didn’t get to sleep until late.” He excused. “Brian kept you up celebrating?” She laughed teasing him happily. “No.” Justin sighed. “He …….”The blond paused. Lindsay knew that tone and sat forward in her chair. “What’s wrong?” Lindsay’s mood shifted. She glanced at Melanie who had noted the change in her partner’s tone and was now moving toward their living room with Jenny in her arms. “He hasn’t called once since I got here. I mean I’ve called him or I did call him for the first couple of weeks but he would never pick up, I got his voice mail or the machine but he never called back.” Justin paused again finally verbalize what he knew in his heart. Brian had chosen to disconnect for him. “Has he called you?” Justin asked hating the desperation in his voice. Lindsay paused biting her lip wondering what she should say. “He has hasn’t he?” Justin pressed in the extended silence.” “Yes.” She admitted. “But it’s always to ask about Gus.” “It’s over.” Justin mumbled. “I can’t believe it but it is.” “Don’t be ridiculous Justin.” Lindsay admonished. “You don’t go from being almost married to over in a few weeks. It was hard when you were in California. Any change in a relation dynamic requires an adjustment. It’s just going to take..” “A little time?” Justin finished for her. “This isn’t like California. It’s not the same, Lindsay. I’m not the same.” He offered. “Did you have a fight?” She asked. “No.” Justin offered still obviously sorting it out himself. “He just let me go, just let me walk out.” “Maybe if I—“ She began earnestly. “No, please don’t call him. I know you want to, but don’t. I don’t want Brian nagged or guilted into calling me.” Justin emphasized. Lindsay could understand that, but knew that it was going to take a lot of willpower for her to honor his request. “Justin.” She tried again. “I think maybe I could convince him—“ “I know your heart is in the right place Lindsay, but you wouldn’t be helping me. It won’t mean anything if he calls because you told him to. If he wants to talk he’ll call me.” Justin explained. Lindsay was silent for a moment considering his words. “I never thought this would happen, Justin.” She offered. Justin sighed his mind turning back over that afternoon in his apartment in the Pitts. Lindsay going on and on about opportunities, giving Brian the magazine later that week, her intentions had been good but now he wondered why she had been so insistent. “What did you think would happen?” He challenged angrily, surprising the woman. “Did you think Brian would leave Kinnetik and come to New York? Did you think he’d fly up here every weekend?” Justin huffed. “You just had to tell him. You just had to show him that fucking article!” “Justin, when I spoke to Brian I merely tried to show him in a subtle way that you were being presented a rare opportunity.” She defended resenting his accusations. “I never wanted anything but the best for you.” “What else did you say to him during that conversation?” Justin asked moving forward in his bed. “Justin, I didn’t call to be accused of malice.” She spat angrily. “This doesn’t even sound like you.” “Did you bring up the wedding? Did you talk to him about our getting married?” Justin pressed ignoring her anger. “We both know the influence you have over him.” “All I said was that it didn’t sound much like the Brian Kinney I knew, the ‘I’ll live my life the way I choose to and fuck anyone that doesn’t like it’ Kinney philosophy.” She admitted innocently. Justin was silent for a moment. “Why did you say that?” Justin asked. “Why bring it up when he was obviously ready for something more than that?” “Was he Justin?” She spat her anger getting the best of her. “Was he really ready to be whatever it was you wanted him to be? Has he ever been capable of that? You seem to forget that you didn’t walk into his life until he was almost 30. I’ve known him a lot longer and Justin, he would have been miserable.” She argued. “With me.” Justin finished her thought. “Married, settled down, domesticated.” She tried to clarify. “So you pay me a little visit to dangle some opportunity and then when I don’t take the bait you point out that he was what? Holding me back? Oh and by the way Brian, you’re acting like a silly fag marrying Justin?” Justin yelled into the receiver. “I’m not discussing this with you. I called to congratulate you.” She rushed feeling anxious and defensive. “No, Lindsay, let me congratulate you. You won. You managed it. I’m here. He’s there. It’s over.” Justin sighed laying back on his bed. “And I always thought you were the only one on our side. Now I think you were only on our side as long as you were sure it wasn’t going to work out.” “Fuck you Justin.” She spat. “I was your friend. I am the only one that ever showed the least bit of interest in your art and this is my thanks?” She growled. “Some appreciation. Maybe Brian wasn’t the selfish prick in your relationship after all. Maybe it was you.” “Maybe you’re right.” Justin admitted considering her words. “You’re the one that decided to leave Justin. I didn’t pack your bags. I didn’t book your flight.” She continued. Justin closed his eyes. “No you didn’t.” He accepted the truth of the matter. “That was me.” His voice was so distant and sad Lindsay felt her anger cooling. “Look, I didn’t mean to bring up anything that would result in anything less than happiness for both of you.” She relented. “But I couldn’t let you walk away from this moment in your career without being sure you understood the relevance of it. I couldn’t let Brian walk down the aisle without being certain it was what he really wanted.” She offered. “I’m sorry.” Justin whispered. “I guess I’m just trying to find someone else to blame for my mistake.” “It wasn’t a mistake Justin.” She offered. “You know if I had any hope of hearing from Brian I’d say you were right, but I was right that day, he was the opportunity of a lifetime and I blew it.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I have to go Lindsay. I’m really sorry if I hurt you.” “You didn’t.” She lied. “And congratulations Justin. You’re the talk of the art community. I’m hearing it all the way up here in the great white north.” “Somehow that doesn’t make it feel any better, but thanks for trying.” He offered. “Kiss Gus, Mel, and Jenny for me.” He disconnected throwing the phone beside him on the bed. “How’s Justin?” Melanie asked as she entered the small living room. Lindsay looked up then shook her head. “Brian…..” She began then stopped. “They haven’t spoken in months.” “Oh shit.” Melanie furrowed her brow. “Poor baby.” “Well baby’s got teeth.” Lindsay smiled sardonically. “Really?” Melanie offered interested. “He blamed me. He said I shouldn’t have tried to lure him to New York; that I shouldn’t have tried to clarify why Brian was marrying him.” Lindsay glanced up then back to her hands. “Well?” Melanie kept her eyes locked on the blond. “Maybe he’s right.” “What?” Lindsay looked up in surprise. “Lindsay, you love Brian.” Melanie stated easily. “He’s my friend—“ “He was your lover.” She clarified. “It complicates things.” “I wanted it to work for them.” Lindsay defended “I know that you did, but who appointed you Brian’s bodyguard or Justin’s career counselor? Why do that at all? They’re both intelligent men.” Melanie offered. Lindsay remained silent. “I don’t know.” She finally offered. “I just felt I needed to say what I thought.” “Well what did you expect?” Melanie challenged. “Can you see us surviving with me in Toronto and you in Pittsburgh for an indefinite period of time?” “Of course not, we have kids.” Lindsay laughed at the ridiculous comparison. “Kids have nothing to do with it. They were doomed the moment they walked into that rehearsal dinner. Hell, they were doomed the moment Brian took Justin home five years ago. It was never going to work.” She moved to sit beside her partner. “You didn’t cause their demise. It’s been coming since day one. They’ll survive, just not together.” Melanie assured her. Lindsay nodded as they embraced but after talking with Justin she wasn’t sure survival was an option. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> “He threw them away.” Jennifer stated looking up to see Debbie and Carl’s reaction. They both glanced to one another then back to the blond. “Why?” Carl asked. “It seemed like a thoughtful thing to me.” “He’s cut himself off from Justin.” Jennifer jumped in. “Justin claims he has tried but it seems that the moment he walked out of the loft, Brian was done with him.” “They almost got married!” Deb croaked. “I thought this separation was temporary.” “So did Justin.” Jennifer explained. “I’m going over to the loft and talk to him.” She reached for her purse. “And say what?” Carl stopped her. “Stop being mean to my son? Love my son? Call my son?” Jennifer furrowed her brow. “Justin’s a big boy Jennifer. He doesn’t need his mommy or,” He cast a look in Debbie’s direction. “anyone else’s mommy to fix things for him.” He sipped his coffee letting the women digest his words. “If Brian and Justin are ever going to work things out and survive this separation, they have to learn to communicate a lot better than this.” “Who can communicate with Brian?” Deb argued. “Michael seems to do fine.” Carl replied. “Well Michael called Justin on the night of his opening and said something that upset him…” Jennifer paused. “He was on the verge of breaking down.” “What?” Deb was outraged. “What did he say?” “I don’t know.” Jennifer admitted. “But whatever it was, it was out of line.” “That’s between Michael and Justin.” Carl warned. Deb glanced over then rose from the table. “He’s my kid and no matter how old he gets he’ll always answer to me.” She picked up the phone. “Michael.” She greeted. “What the fuck did you say to Sunshine when you called him?” She launched. “That isn’t your place.” She reminded him. “Really? Why do you think that?” Her tone changed sounding more thoughtful and less angry. “Did you talk to Justin about it?” She glanced at Jennifer. “Well why not?” She placed one hand on her hip. “I think you should call him.” She rolled her eyes. “Well apologize first then tell him.” She hung up and moved back to the table. “Well?” Jennifer asked expectantly. “Michael’s got a theory.” She stated. “Let’s see if he’s right.” She didn’t say anymore but Jennifer didn’t really care to know about the theory itself she just hoped it would help her son. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> “You are a fucking pig!” Reuben yelled just as Justin entered the apartment. “You’re probably fucking him.” He threw a gesture in Justin direction. Justin furrowed his brow as he looked to George. “No I am not fucking him.” George explained remaining calm in the face of a furious lover. “Is he fucking you?” Reuben turned on Justin his face mere inches away. “No.” Justin assured him. “We are just roommates.” “If you’re lying to me bitch.” Reuben warned. “I’m not your bitch.” Justin straightened his shoulders, old lessons of self defense coming back to him. “Oh, look George he’s a top after all.” Reuben laughed wickedly. “Fuck you.” Justin spat pushing Rueben away. “Oh, you like to be tough.” Rueben asked, the fury replaced by a lilt of seduction in his voice. He leaned into the blond. Justin pushed him away accepting that he was being teased. “You’re insane.” Justin observed. “You’re hot.” Reuben admitted. “I say let’s all be friends.” He looked to George raising one eyebrow hoping his boyfriend might be open to the suggestion. “I’m not into three-ways anymore.” Justin explained wearily as he moved to the door. “But you’ve had one?” Reuben asked enthusiastically. “Because George and I have been talking about spicing it up, you know? A little salt here, a little pepper there, a nice blond between us.” He teased. Justin laughed not completely sure if the other man was teasing or serious. “Well that’s one dish you will have to cook up without me.” Justin explained. “I’m off the market.” “That’s not what George says.” Reuben challenged, hand on hip staring from his lover to the blond. Justin gazed at George making it evident he didn’t appreciate being discussed. “Whatever the fuck.” He mumbled as he headed to his room. “Come out with us Justin.” George suggested. “We can go to Bellavitae. Rueben’s cooking dinner there tonight.” He paused to applaud as his boyfriend bowed at his achieving a dinner shift, “then once he gets off we can hit a club or two.” “And we can all get off.” Reuben suggested. “I’m really not—“ “Oh come on, how long has it been?” Reuben argued. “Surely you’re growing weary of your hand by now.” He laughed. Justin didn’t really feel like going but he didn’t feel like arguing either. “Okay.” He conceded, “But I’ll probably just head home after dinner.” “Great.” Reuben winked at his lover. “I’ll see you both at 10.” He moved to the door followed by George. Justin couldn’t pull his eyes away from the two men as they kissed goodbye. He felt a deep ache inside missing Brian more at that moment than he had in weeks. He finally turned away. “He’s jealous of you.” George offered. “I have some money now. I can find another place.” Justin replied. “Trust me I move around a lot.” “No, he just sensed that I was becoming too involved.” George’s eyes were locked with Justin’s. “Well nothing is going to happen.” Justin made his point perfectly clear. “I know. He knows that now, so all is well.” George moved away to the kitchen where he started washing some dishes. Justin followed him. He grabbed a coke from the refrigerator and grabbed a dish cloth. “How do you know Daphne?” Justin asked as he picked up a plate, dried it and placed it in the cabinet. “We met at college.” He explained. “She was cool with me being gay. She told me about you. She wanted to play matchmaker but said you were head over heels for another guy.” “She was going to fix us up?” Justin asked incredulously. “I have to admit when you walked in here that first day I was sorry that she hadn’t, but now of course I see that there was no way it would have worked.” George offered handing the blond another plate. “Because I’m an arrogant prick.” Justin offered. “Exactly.” George laughed. “With a comet up my ass.” Justin added. “Which doesn’t leave much room for anything else to be inserted.” George playfully agreed. They both laughed, glad that any ambiguity concerning their friendship was settled. Justin continued working with George until the dishes were done, the trash taken out and the living area picked up. “Oh.” George stopped calling to Justin. “You had a call.” He offered. “Guy said you weren’t answering your cell.” Justin reached into his pocket and noted that his battery was dead. “Shit.” He moved to his room and immediately plugged it in. “Was it Ken, my agent?” “No, some Michael guy.” George offered then shook his head. “Weird last name.” George tried to remember. “Sounded like ‘Not Me’.” Justin laughed. “Novotny.” Justin offered. “Yeah.” George confirmed. “No big deal.” Justin replied. “He’s Brian’s best friend, so no doubt felt the sudden urge to chew me another asshole……….again.” “Well he said to have you call, that it was important.” George offered. Justin took the message under advisement. He had no interest in talking to Michael at the moment, he had two commissions to work on. “I have to get to my studio.” Justin announced. “I’ll be there until late. Tell Reuben I’m sorry about dinner.” “Justin,” George stopped him. “You can’t work all the fucking time. It’s all that you do. There’s more to life than work.” “Not my life. It’s all I have.” Justin admitted. “Tell Reuben okay?” George nodded then watched the blond disappear into his room and return with the cell phone and charger. “See ya.” George called as the blond left. Justin had gotten no further than the second flight of stairs when the phone rang. George grabbed the receiver by the television as he fluffed the throw pillows on the sofa. “Is Justin there yet he is still not answering his cell?” Michael asked impatiently. “Came and went.” George reported. “Did you tell him that I called?” Michael asked in frustration. “Yep, he said he didn’t feel like having you chew him a new asshole today.” George replied enjoying his position in the discourse. The line was silent for a moment then when Michael spoke his tone was softer. “Tell him I said I was sorry and I’m not calling to do that. I want to talk to him about Brian.” Michael offered. “I’ll tell him.” George agreed as he hung up. He quickly jotted the message on the pad in the kitchen then returned to his cleaning. He needed to clean up as well before heading out to Bellavita, but first he had to place a call to Daphne. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Brian felt Deb’s eyes on him the moment he entered the diner. He hesitated slightly then moved to the bar. “Can I help you?” She asked sweetly. He eyed her warily then ordered. “Coming right up.” She offered then turned to place his order. “Want some coffee while you wait?” Brian nodded growing more uneasy with each passing moment. “Why are you being so nice?” He offered. “What do you want?” “Do I have to want something to be nice to you?” Deb questioned filling his cup. “Yes.” Brian replied making no move for the sugar, instead waiting for her reply. She replaced the pot then returned. “You know Brian, your parents did quite a number on you.” She offered. “I mean there are mean there are some SOB’s in this world but your father took the cake.” Brian reached for the sugar sighing wearily, his defenses rising with each passing second. “But that kid really loves you. He loves you in spite of all the times you tried to push him away.” “I’m not discussing Justin with you.” Brian held her gaze for a moment. “Why can’t you just relent and love him, call him, act like you fucking miss him. He misses you.” She challenged. “He won’t.” Brian shrugged. “He’ll get busier, he’ll meet the elite and that will be that.” “Is that what you think? Is this a preemptive rejection? You dump him before he can dump you?” She shook her head. “What makes you think—“ “California.” Brian spat. “You think he would have come back here? You think he would have walked away from success, movie stars, a glamorous life and lucrative contracts?” Brian sipped his cup. “If the movie hadn’t been canned he would still be out there and I’d be here, waiting on him.” “He loves you Brian.” Deb offered softly. “It isn’t about love Deb.” Brian set his cup down. “It’s never been about that.” “He really loves you.” Deb argued misunderstanding his point. “I know that and..” Brian hesitated before meeting her gaze. “I love him too, but he’s young, he’s talented, and our timing has always sucked. I couldn’t ask him to give up a show, or an interview or an opportunity to make some contacts because I want him here, because I’m flying up for the weekend or we’re meeting someplace in the middle. I won’t ask that of him. It isn’t about whether he’d be willing to do it. It’s about the fact that I’m not willing to ask that of him.” Deb stared at him for a long moment finding the depth of Brian’s love for Justin evocative. She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “So you are just going to pretend he never happened?” She offered softly reaching out and touching his arm. “Oh, that I could.” Brian sighed. “Life would be so much easier if I could just forget the last five years and go back to being--” “A selfish prick?” Deb smiled. He smiled in return nodding. “Well you can’t go back. It’s like being out of the closet.” She offered. “Once you’re out, there’s no going back.” He knew it was true but even as he acknowledged the validity of her words he also accepted the reality that no amount of time would ever heal him completely.