Endings and Beginnings
*<i>*********** NOTE TO READERS: DON’T KILL THE MESSENGER***********
My wonderful and amazing Beta, Lois, is heading out of the country on a mission trip for the next couple of weeks so I will not be able to post. I know, I know, but before you start throwing tomatoes at me realize how wonderful she is for doing this and appreciate that I left you without any angst, with a peaceful interlude, so that the wait wouldn’t be so bad. See? I do love you guys. I’ll be back with an update the first part of May. In the meantime Chris and I will still be updating Lost and that one is also about to get happier. Thanks for reading. </i>

Book 5 Chapter 5

Chris looked up and blinked his eyes twice wondering if he was imagining the blond standing in his office. He was more handsome than Chris remembered. Spying on the man from a distance had failed to do Justin justice. Chris swallowed as he stood on rubbery legs.

“What are you doing here?” He asked his voice sounding a bit shaky and unsure. 

“What do you want Chris? What the fuck more do you want from me?” Justin demanded still standing near the open door. Chris furrowed his brow. How could he have missed the angry expression or the rigidity in the other man’s body. 

“What?” He asked trying to process what was happening. He wasn’t sure what it was that Reinhold had planned for the blond, and now more than ever, Chris wondered if this was his one chance to warn Justin before it all came down. Looking at him, Chris knew the last thing he wanted was for anyone else to hurt him. He’d already been hurt so much. Chris glanced away unable to meet the blonde’s gaze realizing he had been the one who had forced Justin to suffer the most.

“I want to know.” Justin took one step forward still maintaining his distance. Chris noticed the other man’s wariness and he ached to end it, but had no idea how to reassure the blond that he meant him no harm. “Wasn’t it enough? Bashing my head in with that fucking bat, ending my hopes of ever knowing the extent of my artistic ability? Wasn’t it enough to steal away precious memories that meant the world to me? To steal away the best night of my life and replace it with some huge fucking nightmare that never seems to end?” Justin’s voice was hard and demanding. Chris had never seen the man like this before. In high school he had always been so quiet. He’d complained, even hit Chris once when Chris had picked on him, but even then in the locker room, Chris hadn’t ever seen this much rage in his blue eyes. He found it perplexing and arousing. 

“Taylor.” Chris began trying to find his old bravado.

“Justin.” Justin corrected. “My name is Justin, you fucking homophobic asshole.” Chris nodded finding himself completely thrown off his game. He could see a few people gathering in the lobby outside his office door. He knew he had to contain this unless he wanted his father to burst in, as that was the last thing that he needed. Richard Hobbs had made his position clear and he wasn’t one to deal mercifully with those who didn’t tow the line. 

Chris pushed all thoughts of his father away. He didn’t want anything to ruin this moment. Justin was in his office, merely feet away, talking to him, looking at him, it was Chris’ second chance. He noticed that the smaller man seemed to be waiting for something. Chris tried to remember what it was that Justin had asked him.

“Right.” Chris swallowed, his legs still slightly shaking. He needed to sit but wasn’t sure that he should. “Justin.” The name flowed off his lips and he thought for a moment of the previous night when he had cried out the man’s name as his orgasm had ripped through his body leaving him slick and spent. How many nights had he imagined being this close, having the chance to take back what he had done, explain that it had just been jealousy, not just because the other man had held the blond, kissed him, made him smile, but also envy of Taylor’s freedom, or maybe it was just his courage Chris wanted.

“I want you to stop fucking with me. I want you to stay the fuck away from me, from my son and from Brian.” Justin demanded. 

“I would never hurt you Justin.” Chris mumbled. He winced as Justin laughed in his face. “No really, I know how lame that sounds but I wouldn’t.” Chris tried to reassure him. He smiled trying to help the blond relax but instead, realized it only seemed to make Justin more uncomfortable. 

“Well this fucking scar on my head says otherwise so I think I’ll opt out of trusting your word.” Justin quipped. 

“Look.” Chris looked around then gestured to a chair. “Sit down. Let’s talk. I mean it’s been so long.” 

“Talk?” Justin asked incredulously. “When did we ever talk? You bashed me, wished me dead at the Hospice, then suddenly appeared back in my life to haunt me five fucking years later.” He was looking at Chris as though he were insane. 

“This isn’t about me, Justin.” Chris rushed out. “There’s more to it.” He wanted to offer some reassurance, some comfort that he would never do anything to hurt this man. Justin furrowed his brow. 

“Is something going on here that I should know about?” Justin spun around startled by the other voice. He found himself face to face with Richard Hobbs. 

“You get your fucking animal here on a short leash or I’ll be the one taking a bat to him.” Justin warned the older man then pinned Chris with one more glare. “You stay the fuck away from me. No more gifts. Got it? Let’s just pretend you succeeded and I don’t exist anymore. That work for you?” He turned and moved past the older man refusing to look back. 


“What the hell was that about?” Richard asked glaring at his son. Chris did finally sit down, his legs collapsing. He’d been so close to Justin. He could still smell the sandalwood in the air. His fingers itched to know what the man’s hair felt like sliding between them. “Chris!” His father’s voice startled him. He looked up. “What have you done?” He asked. 

“Nothing.” Chris mumbled weakly, watching as his father charged toward his desk. He knew his mind wasn’t keeping up as he man continued to speak but hearing no words. He looked up and watched his father’s mouth move, no doubt spewing down condemnation, but Chris was paralyzed, unable to process anything beyond Justin’s last words to him. ‘Let pretend that you succeeded and I don’t exist anymore.’ Chris shuddered. He’d almost killed Justin. 

He looked up, his father’s voice loud, but distorted, as if the man were speaking from beneath a vast ocean. How had it come to this? It had all started so innocently. An afternoon in an equipment room, two boys, an erotic tale, a longing, a fulfilling of that desire; then the shame, the fear, and the desperate need to deny it ever happened, denial that it had felt good, and that it had felt more right than any other encounter Chris had ever had. 

He looked back at his desk still shell shocked from his encounter with Justin Taylor. He knew Justin hated him, but not just for what he did but for what he thought Chris was. A homophobe? Could a homosexual be a homophobe? Chris smirked realizing that he was worse than pathetic, he was an oxymoron. 

“Are you listening to me?” His father’s harsh tone ripped Chris’ attention away from his own ponderings and back to the man’s verbal attack. He looked up and saw the hate and fury in his father’s eyes. And they’d all wondered how Chris had been able to bash poor unsuspecting Justin Taylor? Looking up into his father’s eyes Chris knew the answer, but then again he’d known it all along.

Time seemed to slow down at that point. Chris felt as though he was trapped in the matrix, watching as the words flew at him, like hastily shot rounds, rippling the air. Unlike Neo, Chris found that even though they were moving along well defined paths, he couldn’t get out of their way, as they ripped through him, forcing him to once more retreat back into the cave he’d built for himself. He was like some bizarre batman, hidden way, hiding his true identity, but not for some altruistic motive to save the world, no Chris was merely saving himself. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when his father pulled him to his feet, shouting one last time the question that Chris knew Richard Hobbs didn’t want the real answer to. “What have you done?”

“That’s a good question.” Horvath stood in the doorway now. “What have you done Mr. Hobbs?” 

Chris watched the man approach and almost smiled wondering if this was his Morpheus or perhaps just an Agent Smith. He watched as the older man crossed the room tossing two gift cards onto his desk. Chris had never seen either of them before in his life. He looked up. 

“What are these?” He asked refusing to touch them. 

“Are you saying you’ve never seen them before?” Carl narrowed his eyes. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Chris stated defensively.

“I’m going to need a handwriting sample.” Carl stated.

“What is this about?” Richard Hobbs asked staring at Chris’ desk then over at the officer.

“This is about someone harassing Justin Taylor and his partner Brian Kinney.” Carl turned, squaring up as he addressed the older man. “We know the tickets came from your son, we’re just wondering what other gifts he’s chosen to send.” Richard looked to his son and Chris realized that even his father suspected him. 

“If you want a handwriting sample I suggest that you go through our lawyer.” Richard stated firmly moving to stand next to his son. Chris wanted to stand as well but knew that his legs would never hold him. 

“A lawyer?” Carl smiled confidently. “Now if Chris hasn’t done anything wrong, as you are both asserting that he hasn’t, why on earth would I need to go through your lawyer?” 

Chris opened his mouth to speak but his father’s hand on his shoulder silenced him. 

“Good day detective. I’m sure you can find your way out, or should I call security.” Carl actually chuckled as he retrieved the two cards and placed them back in the pocket of his jacket. 

“Oh no, you won’t need to call security.” He gave Chris a warning glare. “I know my way out.” Detective Horvath moved toward Chris’ open door. 

“Oh Chris,” He paused, “Who do you know that lives off Liberty?” Chris’s eyes shot up as he considered the question. “Brown hair, drives a jag?” Chris’ mouth went dry. He felt his father’s hand tightening painfully on his shoulder, but Chris chose to answer anyway.

“No one.” Chris stated, his voice sounding hollow and unconvincing. 

“Interesting.” Carl paused, giving Richard Hobbs a challenging look then an unsettling wink. “I’d call that lawyer.” 

********************************

“Justin!” Brian called as Justin exited the downstairs elevator. Justin suddenly felt all the strength leave his body as he realized he was trembling. Brian took him into his arms. “What the fuck?” Brian guided him carefully to the closest bench in the main lobby of the building.

“I’m okay. Just coming off an adrenalin rush.” Justin explained weakly. 

“What the hell do you think you are doing here?” Brian demanded softly holding Justin to his chest, ignoring the looks that they were receiving from the business men and women passing on their way to their various appointments. 

“I just had to call him on his shit. I had to show him I wasn’t afraid.” Justin mumbled. 

“And what did he say?” Brian asked pulling back to take a more thorough inventory of his lover. 

“He said he would never hurt me.” Justin’s eyes filled with tears and he wiped them away quickly with both anger and frustration. “I hate that fucker so much. He just stood there and stared at me like he didn’t have a clue what the hell I was talking about.” 

Brian pulled Justin close once more. “Just breathe right now.” He ordered letting the man pull it back together before they headed home. After a few minutes Justin managed to take a deep breath and clear his throat. 

“I’m okay.” He replied. Brian smiled at him running his fingers through the hair at the base of Justin’s neck. 

“You’re better than okay. You’re stunning.” He replied. Justin was grateful for the humor and laughed softly. He furrowed his brow and wrinkled his nose as he considered his lover.

“How pissed are you?” Justin asked. Brian pulled him to his feet as they headed out of the building.

“Pretty pissed.” Brian replied giving him a sidelong glance. 

“Well would you be pissed like Monday, because Mom has Stephen for the weekend and I don’t really want to waste our time fighting.” Justin requested as they reached the street. 

“And what would you suggest we do with our time?” Brian asked realizing the last thing Justin needed at the moment was a lecture. 

“Let’s go to Babylon.” Justin suggested.

“We haven’t been there in years.” Brian raised an eyebrow. 

“I know.” Justin smiled up at him. “I just want to be queer tonight. I want to celebrate with my fellow faggots in fairyland.” Brian nodded smiling, understanding what Justin was saying. 

“Follow me home.” Brian replied. “We’ll drop off your car then head to the Diner, then hit Woody’s,THEN go to Babylon.” 

“Sounds like old times.” Justin ventured. 

“New times.” Brian pressed his forehead to the smaller man, grateful that he was safe. 

“New times.” Justin echoed as they finally released one another and headed off in opposite directions to find their cars. 

******************************

The music was so loud. Justin couldn’t remember it ever being this loud before but knew it had to have been.

“To being fabulous.” He smiled holding up his shot. Brian raised his as well, their eyes remaining locked onto each other as they downed the cool liquid. Justin wondered for a moment how something so cold could burn all the way down. 

He was already bouncing slightly to the beat. 

“It’s been forever since I danced.” He glanced over at Brian who took his cue perfectly and began pulling the smaller man out onto the dance floor by his shirt. 

They were both aware of the lustful glances and grazing fingers, but they’d learned to ignore them years ago. They were the only two people moving as far as they were concerned. Two bodies finding their own natural rhythm together, moving in perfect sync, so much like they moved in bed, or in the backroom. It was all about give and take, and take and give. 

“Well,” Emmett watched from the cat walk poking Ted in the side. “Look who came out to play.” 

“Great.” Ted replied sarcastically. “Just what we needed, two more hot guys who aren’t interested in us.” They both smiled and continued to sip their drinks. 

Michael returned from the bar. 

“What are you looking at?” He asked. Ted gestured beneath them. 

“Brian.” Michael smiled. “He hasn’t been out in forever.” He turned to go down the stairs but Emmett’s hand stopped him. 

“Look again.” He replied giving his friend a knowing look. It was then that Michael noticed the distinctive blond head moving in close proximity to his best friend. 

“Remember the first night?” Ted asked watching as well. “When he dumped you two and picked up that kid.” 

“Yeah, well that was Justin’s disguise.” Emmett smiled obviously impressed by the blond. “He was no kid, and Brian never knew what hit him.” 

“Down for the count.” Ted laughed and they all shared in his laugh. 

“Remember how Justin just wouldn’t go away.” Michael’s voice held a slight bitter note to it. 

“Remember how Brian wouldn’t let him go away.” Emmett challenged. “He kept making is SEEM like he wanted the kid to disappear but I remember watching them leave together night after night.” 

“Yeah, must have been fate.” Ted mumbled.

“Or an amazing ass.” Emmett ventured. 

They continued to watch. Brian looked happy. Michael could see that whether he wanted to or not. Brian was happy. He tried to reconcile that fact, but found it still hard to accept. 

“Hey.” They turned to find Ben behind them.

“Thought you were staying in.” Emmett teased taking the man by the arm and casually pulling him so that he could watch the show. Ben looked down and smiled. It was good to see that some people did find love. 

“Yeah, I finished grading those papers.” He offered. 

“Ben, you want to dance?” Michael asked taking his chance. They’d been talking more lately, but Ben still wasn’t sure if he would ever trust the man again. He sighed and nodded. They headed for the stairs feeling Ted and Emmett’s gaze on their backs. 

“Don’t read too much into this.” Ben warned. Michael merely nodded. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

Michael gave him a smile as they moved out onto the dance floor. The beat felt good and Michael enjoyed watching Ben move. He was so good with his body, the body Michael missed so much. He met Ben’s eyes. 

“Remember.” Ben warned. Michael nodded but had to smile as he glanced over at Justin who was securely wrapped in Brian’s arms, the two men grinding against one another. Stalking had worked before, it was a proven method, Michael glanced back at his ex-lover feeling a renewed hope. Ben would never know what hit him. 

*************************************

“Brian.” Justin moaned as he felt the man enter him. The rest of the moans surrounding them disappeared from the moment they were joined. He felt Brian pause then begin moving again. It was a fast and furious pace. It was just want Justin needed, what he wanted. He opened his eyes and met the gaze of a man who had a blond on his knees in front of him. He seemed to be enjoying the show he and Brian were putting on. Justin reached back pulling Brian harder against his body. 

“Wonder who he’s thinking about?” He heard Brian husky voice next to his ear and huffed a small laugh that immediately evolved into a groan and he leaned back laying his head against Brian’s shoulder, feeling the man lift him from the ground with each thrust. 

“You?” Justin continued their conversation. This was so like them. The way they were years ago, fucking for the fun of it, the thrill of it. He knew now what he didn’t then. Brian loved him. He felt Brian’s hands moving them into a new position. He allowed the man to maneuver him into whatever pose Brian wanted. He wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist, his back now scrapping the rough wall of the backroom. He met Brian’s lips as they fed off of each other. The sensations overwhelmed Justin as he threw his head back and cried out. Brian followed him. He felt his body lifted by Brian and gently lowered. 

They leaned on one another, stripped from the waist down. Justin glanced over and realized that the man who had been watching had already zipped up and was preparing to leave. He walked toward them. 

“Thanks for the show boys.” He gave them an appreciative glance then headed out of the dark recesses of Babylon, back to the beat and grinding bods. 

“That was amazing.” Brian whispered. 

“It always is.” Justin admitted. 

“It was hot.” Brian replied releasing Justin, allowing them both to reach for their clothing. 

“Yeah. I’d forgotten.” Justin glanced up as he buttoned his top button. “Now what?” He asked, ready for round two. As much as he adored his son, he hadn’t realized how much he needed a break for the constant responsibility of being a single parent. He corrected his own thinking as the realization finally hit him full force. He wasn’t a single parent any more. He wasn’t alone. He and Brian were building a life together. Finally, after all the struggles they were going to have what Justin had wanted with Brian years ago. His smile broadened as he reached up conveying his joy as fully as he could in an exuberant kiss. 

“Let’s go home.” Brian replied pulling away slightly but still maintaining eye contact.

“You don’t want to stay?” Justin asked clearly surprised. 

“Nope, I got what I came for.” Brian smiled. He wrapped his arm around his lover as they headed out. They had two whole days to relearn so much of what they hadn’t yet had time to explore. Having sex with a toddler in the house certainly had its disadvantages. 

“Can you drive?” Justin asked. Brian nodded. 

“I only had the one shot.” He offered. Justin nodded a little wobbly. 

“I had a couple.” He offered.

“And not enough food.” Brian added. 

“More than you.” Justin replied argumentatively. Brian shrugged as they left the heat of the club. The cool night air felt good on their skin and Brian found himself once more with his hands full of blond. Justin kissed him then pulled back, staring longingly into Brian’s eyes. 

“What if I hadn’t gone to the prom?” He asked. 

“What if?” Brian continued to move toward the jeep, refusing to have a serious conversation. 

“Would we have…I mean did you already know or did it happen later?” Justin asked as Brian unlocked his door. He continued to stare at the man as Brian held the door open. Brian smirked, giving in. He leaned in hesitating slightly, so much like the other kiss, the one that had only recently returned to Justin. When he pulled back he found the same soft knowing smile on the blonde’s face. 

Brian’s eyes were soft and expressive, telling the man all he needed to know. 

“I love you too.” Justin replied softly making sure that the ‘new times’ were better than the old ones.

  

******************************