Endings and Beginnings Book 4 Chapter 8 ******** Note to Readers: Thanks for finding me at my new home. I offer you a longer post to show my appreciation to each of you for your continued support. Thanks to Elsa for setting up my beautiful new page. Thanks as always to my wonderful beta, Lois, you rock, and last but not least thanks to Meg for lending me the plot idea that begins to take form in this chapter. It is a variation on the one you shared with me, but I think you will like it******* Ted had dreaded this moment since he’d first heard the news from Emmett and Vic. He’d dreaded this moment more than almost anything he had ever had to do in his life. He cleared his throat for the fifth time as he dialed the phone. This time he wasn’t going to hang up. This time he was going to follow through. “Vanguard Advertising, Brian Kinney’s office.” The soothing female voice greeted him. He’d already hung up twice at the sound of those words. This time he knew he couldn’t. “Yes.” His voice cracked. Ted rolled his eyes and cleared his throat again thoroughly embarrassed by his pubescent display. “I need to speak with Mr. Kinney.” He tried to sound important but realized he had only come off sounding nervous. Ted had a few gifts but acting wasn’t one of them. He knew his best option was just sticking to the truth and to leave the bullshitting to everyone else. “I’m sorry. Mr. Kinney is in a meeting at the moment. Can I take a message and have him return your call? Or perhaps I could be of assistance. I’m Mr. Kinney’s personal assistant.” The voice soothed out of the ear piece like a warm bath but did little to calm Ted’s growing anxiety. “Yes. Could you please ask Mr. Kinney to call Ted Schmidt at his earliest convenience.” He replied feeling a bit relieved now that he had just hit the ball into Brian’s court. If the man didn’t call him back then he wouldn’t have to tell him. It seemed reasonable to Ted. “Does Mr. Kinney have your number?” Cynthia replied sweetly. She’d heard this name and was trying to place it. It seemed that perhaps she’d over heard her boss use it a few times. “Oh he has it alright.” Ted replied fighting to keep the biting edge out of his voice. He would never understand the underlying animosity that Brian seemed to have toward him. He never saw it manifested toward Emmett or Michael and certainly never against Justin, yet it always seemed evident when he was near the stud of Liberty Avenue. “Very good Mr. Schmidt. I’ll give him your message.” Cynthia disconnected. Ted stared at the receiver feeling a mixture of relief and regret. He knew it was important that Brian and Justin learn about Hobbs from one of their friends. He knew it would be easier, than heaven forbid, running into the homophobe on the street, but he still dreaded being the bearer of bad news. From the way Emmett was talking, it sounded like the two men were on the road to some sort of wedded bliss. Now that had to be a sign of the end times. Ted almost laughed but then felt a twinge of guilt. Brian and Justin had been through so much, it felt wrong to not be happy for them. Of course, the last thing either of them needed was a visual reminder of the pain from their past. Ted placed the receiver back on the cradle and rose to file some of his employee records. He thought back for a moment to when the news had reached he and Emmett about Justin’s bashing. They had wandered up to the hospital to find a hysterical Deb, shell shocked Jennifer and comatose Justin. The most disturbing sight of the night though hadn’t been Justin in ICU. It had been Brian Kinney sitting in the hallway, covered in blood, the very picture of a broken man. Ted had always thought that he would have somehow enjoyed seeing Brian taken down a notch or two but this had been too much. It was as if someone had sucker punched his friend. Even though there had never been any love lost between the two men, Ted had been surprised by the anger he had felt looking at Brian who seemed utterly devastated. It made no sense but perhaps it was true that they had all somehow become family. That was the only reason Ted could begin to explain the protectiveness he’d felt that night toward the other man. He had felt no need to pile on or join in Deb’s occasional condemning remarks that night. He’d resented the accusing glares that Jennifer Taylor shot Brian’s way. In some ways Ted believed that Justin would probably handle the news of Hobbs’ return better than Brian. After all Justin had faced the bat, had felt the blow, had take all that the man had to give and survived. Brian on the other hand had been one step behind Hobbs. He’d watched the bat swing and been forced to watch someone he cared for fall lifeless to the ground. In the aftermath, Justin had tried to move on while Brian had tried to pretend that it had never happened. Ted marveled for a moment at his own deep feeling of protectiveness toward Justin at the thought of Hobbs ever coming near the blond again. He couldn’t imagine how Brian would feel or even more troubling, what Brian would do to keep that from ever happening again. ******************************* “So you still can’t tell me?” Justin casually asked as he surveyed the preliminary designs that the competing architectural firms had submitted. “Justin.” Max warned laughing as he did. Justin laughed as well. Max enjoyed the sound of it. Things were starting to feel more normal between them now. He knew Justin would never forget his betrayal but it seemed that with each passing day the man was finding it easier to forgive. “Did I mention that I hate secrets?” Justin joked. “Well as much as I would like to tell you, the letter of intent on my desk clearly states that I cannot.” Max offered glancing over at the blond wondering how fast the man was on the uptake. He wasn’t disappointed as a gleam immediately came to the blues eyes. “The letter on your desk.” Justin smirked. “You know I think I left something in your office.” He offered. “Well then you should probably go get it.” Max smiled playing along. “Yeah, I think so too.” He headed out of the conference room with one last playfully look thrown in his boss’ direction. Max laughed softly as he moved on to the next set of designs. The Board would be reviewing all the plans later in the week, but Max had wanted Justin to have as much input as possible. If he could find out which plans the blond preferred those would be the ones he too would support to the Board. The construction was to start as soon as possible. The Reinhold Foundation seemed eager to get things moving. Justin moved into Max’s office and immediately set upon his desk searching for the letter. Finding it almost immediately, he studied the name for a long moment. “Reinhold Foundation.” He murmured softly. “He didn’t recognize it and yet he’d received a letter only two days earlier from PIFA indicating that a donation had been made in honor of Ethan’s memory and that as a result a new performance theater was in the works. Gold Hall’s construction would begin mid summer and would be completed in the Spring of 2005. Justin found the two projects, one coming on the heels of the other, an odd coincidence and wondered if the anonymous donation to PIFA was from this Foundation as well. It was a compliment. It was flattering to know that others appreciated Ethan’s talent. It was comforting to know that his partner would not pass unnoticed, long forgotten by time and replaced by so many others. At the same time it was disturbing that it was shrouded in such secrecy. Why would this Foundation want to keep its involvement anonymous, even to Ethan’s family? Perhaps Max was right. Perhaps it just wasn’t P.C. for the Reinhold Foundation to support a gay artist, but so few people even knew that Ethan was gay. It made no sense and yet it managed to dredge up the feeling of loss Justin had somehow finally managed to tuck away. It came and went but ever since all of this began it seemed to reside just beneath the surface of everything he said or did. “Reinhold Foundation.” He murmured once more as he left Max’s office. He’d have to do a little research but he was determined to find out more about Ethan’s benefactors. ****************************** Mark Reinhold sat confidently in the tasteful masculine office waiting patiently for his prey. He found the hard woods and dark leathers ironic and ran his hand over the heavy wood desk enjoying that irony. It had just been blind luck that he had come across this little advantage. He’d lain awake now for a week trying to seize the best opportunity to use this man. Last night it had come to him and now he was here to make it happen. Mark stood and wandered around the medium sized office. It wasn’t the office of a CEO but it was obvious that being the boss’ son did give a person some advantage. Glancing at the bookcase he noticed a picture of young man, his father and mother. It was a graduation picture, the banner “ St. James Academy” hanging in the background. It had been a proud moment and yet from what Mark had learned there had been tragedy hanging over the moment. A charge of assault as well as a possible jail term that had to be avoided at all cost. Mark smirked glancing around once more at the opulence surrounding him. He wondered what the cost had been to buy Chris Hobbs his freedom. The door opened and a slightly older version of the boy in the snapshot entered. He glanced around and was surprised to find Mark perusing his office. “Can I help you?” Chris asked as he warily eyed the other man. “Yes, as a matter of fact you can.” Mark smiled but Chris felt a sense of foreboding that out weighed any sense of good will in this man. Mark ignored the man’s discomfort and returned to the chair he had been occupying across from Chris’ desk. Chris stiffly made his way to his own chair then looked expectantly at the man. He was perhaps a little taller than Chris, not much. Chris tried to remember if he had ever seen this man before. ‘Reinhold’ He thought. The name was familiar. There were Reinholds with money that Chris had heard of before. They were mainly in Harrisburg the capital. His Father and Mother had mentioned them before. “What can I do for you?” Chris asked ready to have the man out of his office as soon as possible. He had bad feeling about this meeting and try as he might he couldn’t seem to shake it. He couldn’t put his finger on what it was about this man that made him feel uncomfortable, but something was definitely off. “You can help me with a common enemy.” Mark spoke confidently as he relaxed back into his chair. “Excuse me?” Chris asked raising one eyebrow. He wondered if the man was deranged and considered alerting security. “We have a common enemy and I could use your assistance in exacting a bit of revenge.” Chris was a bit shaken by the confidence with which the man spoke. He’d never seen this guy before and yet Mark Reinhold seemed to know too much about Chris. He sized up the man sitting across from him. Mark Reinhold was in his early twenties, though with his fair completion set off by the dark hair and eyes, it was hard to judge. He was wearing an expensive coat and suit beneath. Chris swallowed hard furrowing his brow as he continued to make sense of the man’s statement. “I don’t have any enemies.” Chris smiled deciding that it had to be a misunderstanding. “No enemies.” Mark smiled and nodded obviously amused by the other man. Chris felt himself bristle as the man finally laughed out loud. “No, I have no enemies and I would like for you to leave.” He stood but Mark kept his seat. “Now, now Chris,” Mark replied coolly. “You don’t mind if I call you Chris, do you?” “Who the fuck are you?” Chris asked suddenly more angry than alarmed. “Well, that’s really not the point here now is it?” Mark replied. “So what is the point?” Chris spat quickly losing his patience. “Revenge and self preservation.” Mark looked up meeting Chris’ eyes. Chris saw cold hate staring back at him. It shook him further. He wanted nothing more at that moment than to call security and have the man thrown out of the building and yet there had been a warning in the man’s cryptic message. “Look, I don’t know what you came here for but I don’t have any enemies and I’m long past wanting revenge--” Chris tried to reason. “But what of self preservation?” Mark smirked. “You interested in that?” Chris felt himself quickly breaking out into a cold sweat. This man seemed so confident and menacing. It wasn’t that he was physically intimidating but somehow Chris felt certain that Reinhold indeed possessed the ability to tear Chris’ life apart. “You once tried to kill a man.” Mark waited enjoying the way the painful memory played off of the other man’s features. “Are you telling me he isn’t your enemy?” Chris stiffly moved back behind his desk. “That was a long time ago.” He replied pushing away all the emotions that always tumbled down upon him whenever he thought of Justin Taylor. He usually refused to think about it except at night when he was alone in his bed. That was the place where the memories always managed to find him as he lay trapped in the dark, a prisoner of his past mistakes and present charades. “I have no connection to Justin Taylor anymore.” “And yet you find yourself time and again parked outside his home watching him.” Mark enjoyed the way the man’s face flushed as his eyes went wide. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Chris attempted but the words failed to sound convincing even to his own ears. “Chris, let’s not play games. I’ve seen you. In fact, I have photographs of you sitting in your car watching him. Do you want to see them?” Mark leaned slightly forward reaching into his inside coat pocket. “How much do you want?” Chris asked seeing where this was headed. Mark stopped his search for the prints and laughed. “I don’t want your money.” Mark stated. “I’m Mark Reinhold, the Reinhold Foundation, Reinhold Steel.” He raised an eyebrow as the depth of his position finally began sinking into the other man. “Then what?” Chris asked feeling both anxious and exposed. “Well, I was thinking that you and I could put our heads together and find a way to make Mr. Taylor’s life a little more interesting? Shall we say?” He smiled but Chris could now see that there was no humor in it only cruelty. It was the face of a bully. He knew that expression. He’d worn that same expression all through St. James. He’d shown it to Justin Taylor far too many times. “Look, what I did to Justin, it was wrong. I know that. I was—“ “Confused? Angry? Threatened?” Mark rapidly spat. “Scorned? Rejected? Horny?” He laughed again. “Or maybe jealous?” He lifted one eyebrow knowing he had hit the mark. “I just, I….I have no idea why I did— I hated him, but--“ “You hated him?” Mark asked not giving the man the chance to finish his lie. Chris Hobbs may have accepted lying to himself but no one would ever lie to Mark Reinhold. “I don’t think so.” He leaned back once more growing more confident in the face of Chris’ discomfort. “I’ve watched you watching him. It isn’t about hate. Hate doesn’t put you outside someone’s home in the middle of the night, sitting for hours just hoping for some small glimpse of their face. Hate doesn’t manifest that way, love does.” “You were outside his home.” Chris argued. “Yes, you are so right. And I was there out of love as well, but I have NO love for Justin Taylor.” The name was spoken with such distain Chris wondered what Justin could have possibly done to this man to cause him to hold such deep malice toward him. Chris felt a sudden urge to find Justin and warn him but somehow knew that would not be allowed within the confines of this man’s plan. “So then why?” Chris continued to press still confused how this man was connected to the blond. “Let’s just say we had a mutual love and since I’m not one who has ever been inclined to share the things that belong to me I have always resented his sense of entitlement.” Mark’s lips curled bitterly around the words. “What do you want from me?” Chris asked wearily resigned to the fact that he would have no choice but to cooperate. “Just a few phone calls, gifts, chance meetings.” He smiled but Chris realized now that there were worms crawling behind those lips. “What if I say no?” Chris ventured leaning across his desk. “Then the photos that I have will find their way to your father.” Mark’s smile broadened as he watched the look of horror paint itself across Chris’ face. “There’s one in particular that I think he’d be shocked to see.” Mark gave a knowing look and Chris blushed in spite of himself. “I’ll be in touch.” Mark stood and started for the door. “Haven’t I hurt him enough?” Chris asked not sure he could actually do what the man was asking. Mark turned and faced Chris one last time, his brow screwed into a look of confusion. “No. You haven’t. You’ve come no where close to hurting him enough.” He smirked then quickly schooled his expression back to serenity. The transformation came so quickly Chris found alarming. Mark closed the door behind him as Chris slumped down onto his desk. His heart was racing and he realized that a light sweat had broken out on his forehead, upper lip and palms. He’d known going over to Justin’s house had been risky but he’d honestly accepted that no real harm could come from it. After all he had no intentions of actually approaching the man. He couldn’t imagine how Justin would have reacted if he had walked up to his door and knocked. Chris had after all taken a bat and ----. Chris couldn’t complete the thought. He knew what he’d done. He could see, hear, and feel it. The sound of the wood connecting to the hard surface of Justin’s skull, the way it had given slightly and Chris had known that Justin wouldn’t be getting back up. The vibration of the handle in his hand sending pins and needles up his arm as he felt the warm splatter of blood on his own face and neck. It all seemed to happen in slow motion and yet it had happened so fast. It was as if he couldn’t stop himself. He’d dropped the bat and raced away. Somewhere, a thousand miles away, he’d heard the other man’s voice, but he hadn’t realized how close Kinney was until Chris felt the bat connect with his knee ending any hopes of ever playing college ball. There was the sound of desperation as the other man called Justin’s name. Chris had laid on that same cold concrete slab writhing in pain wondering if he had just killed another person. He’d never meant to kill Justin and yet what had he thought would happen? He’d taken a bat in a moment of rage and decided to end the conflict once and for all. How naïve, he’d thought. Once the blond was gone then the issue would be settled but it hadn’t been. It had been weeks later before he’d come to realize that the conflict had nothing to do with Justin and everything to do with himself. Justin wasn’t some seductive nymph who had preyed upon him in a weak moment. No, Justin had merely been the one to give him what he’d always felt he wanted on some level. He’d felt ashamed for wanting it, but that afternoon, once the shed had been cleaned up and they’d parted ways, Chris had known. He’d known that he was different. He vowed not to be. He’d prayed that night for forgiveness and strength. He’d felt like a new man the next morning until he saw Justin in the locker room and then he’d found himself demanding a whirlpool to hide his erection. Surely Justin had seen through his act. Surely he’d noticed the lingering looks, the pull that they felt for each other. Chris’ only defense had been his reputation. He’d puffed up and bullied the blond mercilessly. Hating him was so much easier than hating himself. “Chris.” Chris shook his head and looked up startled. His father stood in the doorway, a look of concern on his face. “Are you okay son?” Chris nodded trying to reassure his Father but knowing that one day the act would finally fall short and he’d lose the man forever. Just like Justin Taylor, Chris knew one day he’d lose everything. ************************************* “So it’s dinner on Sunday.” Deb watched as Ben shifted nervously “Deb-“ He started then paused. “Oh please don’t even say what you are about to say.” She rolled her eyes. “You don’t know what I am about to say.” His blue eyes smiled up at her. “Ben Bruckner, I’ve known you now for over three years almost four, don’t you think I know what you are about to say?” She shook her head good naturedly. “Deb, I don’t think it’s right that I come to the house. It is Michael’s home after all and he and I aren’t together.” She attempted to impersonate him but failed miserably “Okay so maybe you do know me.” He laughed but there was little humor in it. She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. “Honey, Justin gave me the same speech when he and Brian first split. He just assumed that being in our family was some perk to being with Brian, but what he didn’t know was once in this family, always in this family.” She gazed softly into his eyes conveying clearly that she loved him whether he was or was not with her son. “I don’t know what to say. “ He stated once again humbled by this woman’s limitless love. Oh sure there were times when she loved them a little too much. There were times when he definitely fought the urge to tell her where to put her good advice, but all in all the good so far outweighed the bad. He felt grateful to be considered a member of her family. “Say ‘What can I bring?’.” She smiled. “Okay, what can I bring?” He offered. “An open mind and a forgiving heart.” She replied. “Michael will be there and even though I don’t expect you to just forgive and forget, I do hope that one day you boys can be friends.” Ben rolled his lips into his mouth considering her words. “He fucked up.” She continued. “He fucked up big time. No one knows that more than he does. Just give him a chance to make up for it if he can.” Ben smirked then gave a small nod. He could do that. He loved Michael after all. He had for almost four years now. It was so hard being apart from him. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He still felt betrayed by the lies but it wasn’t as if he had always been a saint in their relationship. Michael had forgiven him in the past. At the very least he could hear him out. They might never get back to where they had been but they could perhaps, at the very least, be friends once more. Ben wanted that. He wanted that more than anything in the world. ************************************* Michael knew what he had to do. It was up to him. He’d have to make the first move if he hoped to ever normalize things in his life. He waited in the parking lot until he saw the man he’d been waiting for. “Justin.” He called and watched as the blond turned in his direction. Justin moved toward Michael as Michael tried to meet him half way. “What do you want?” Justin asked. His voice wasn’t really angry but it wasn’t friendly either. “I want to apologize.” Michael stated then tickled Stephen under the chin. Stephen laughed and reached for him. He exchanged a look with Justin before the blond relented and passed his son into Michael’s arms. “Hey Stephen. How are you?” He cooed at the little boy “You need to come see the new collectibles I just got in.” “He’s a little young for that wouldn’t you say?” Justin asked watching Michael closely. He seemed sincerely glad to see Stephen just as he seemed genuine in his apology. Michael looked up and caught his gaze. “I really am sorry.” He repeated earnestly. Justin sighed wrinkling his nose as he thought. “You know Michael, I have no doubt that you are. I know that you’re sorry, but I’m not really sure what you are sorry about. Are you sorry that you did it or sorry that you got caught?” Justin asked crossing his arms watching the other man’s reaction. “Both.” Michael admitted and even though Justin wasn’t really surprised, he did appreciate the man’s honesty. “I thought I was doing the right thing—“ He held up his hand to stop Justin when he saw that the man was about to jump in. “I know it wasn’t the right thing. I know that, but I thought it was. I thought Max was a better match for you and Stephan and –“ “Tyler was better for Brian?” Justin finished incredulously. “No.” Michael spat. “But he was a good distraction and I figured by the time Brian was done with him that you’d be off with Max and then—“ “You’d have Brian for yourself?” Justin asked his voice rising. “No. Well, I don’t think so. I never really gave it that much thought. I just knew I needed to protect Brian from—“ “Me.” Justin replied the hurt evident in his voice. “Can you forgive me?” Michael asked as Stephen reached for his Father once more. Justin took the baby into his arms and stood considering Michael’s question. “Why should I?” He offered. “Because I’m sorry. I know I did the wrong thing. I made a mistake.” Michael was starting to regret this attempt. “I’ll make a deal with you.” Justin shifted Stephen to the other hip. “You forgive me for hurting Brian and I’ll forgive you for hurting me.” Michael narrowed his eyes thinking through the conditions. He finally smiled in resignation. “Sounds fair.” He replied. “Yeah. Well then, that’s better than life.” Justin admitted. “You got that right.” Michael moved along side him as Justin headed for his car. “Sorry about Ben.” Justin glanced over as they walked side by side. “Yeah, I had it coming though. I never really took care of my own life. I was too busy minding everyone else’s I guess. It’s an inherited weakness.” Justin laughed at that and Michael did as well. Michael relaxed a bit realizing maybe things were going to be okay after all. “Let me give you a ride back to the shop.” Justin offered. “Actually I was hoping maybe you could give me one to Ted and Emmett’s.” Michael opened the door and started loading Stephen into his car seat. “Ted and Emmett’s?” He replied as he moved out of the way so that Michael could get in. “Yeah, I have another apology to make.” Michael shot a quick look in Justin direction before fastening his seat belt. “Well if he throws you out on your butt come down to my place and I’ll give you a ride home.” Justin turned over the engine and they headed out of the parking lot. Michael reached into his pocket and rubbed his hand over the cover of the book. It was difficult to understand but he was making it through page by page. Every time he read it, he felt closer to Ben. He felt nervous about talking to him but seeing how well things had gone with Justin he felt hopeful. Surely Ben would forgive him as well. Ben just needed time and Michael was willing to give him as much as he needed. ******************************************** “I’m coming!” Emmett hollered as he headed for the door. “And not in a life affirming way.” He added laughing as he threw the door open. “Hey.” Michael greeted feeling incredibly nervous. “Michael.” Emmett seemed shocked to see the man. “Can I come in?” He asked. Emmett hesitated for a moment before stepping aside. “I suppose you are here to see Ben.” He stated walking past the man back toward the kitchen. “I’m making dinner and I think my rice is burning.” He explained as Michael followed him into the back of the house. “Is he here?” Michael asked leaning against the door frame watching his friend removed a pot from the stove and begin fluffing the contents. “Yeah. Hold on.” Emmett set the pot aside and then moved through another door to the back room. A few moments later Ben appeared. He looked rumpled as if he had been sleeping. “You feeling okay?” Michael asked immediately alarmed. “Yeah.” Ben sighed then gestured toward the living room. Michael moved out of the door and followed Ben back to the front room. He glanced back over his shoulder and was surprised to see Emmett watching them looking more than a little concerned. “So what did you want to see me about Michael?” He asked as he settled himself into a chair. “I wanted to see if there was any way we could work things out.” Michael came right to the point. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the book. He placed the well worn copy on the table between them, his book mark indicating that he was near the end. “Michael?” He raised one eyebrow looking from the book to the man sitting across from him. “I’m reading it.” He replied. “I’m trying to understand.” “Trying to understand Dickens?” Ben asked sounding a bit confused. “No, there’s no way I could ever understand Dickens, but I am trying to understand you.” He replied softly. “This book is yours and you’ve read it so many times. You’ve underlined sentences and made notes out to the side. None of it makes any sense to me. It’s like some private code. It’s a code you’ve used all these years that we’ve been together and yet I never knew it existed. There is so much about you I still don’t know, but I want to, I want to know.” Ben was at a loss for words. He wasn’t sure exactly where all of this was coming from but felt warmed by Michael effort “Michael it isn’t like I can just suddenly forget what’s happened.” Ben replied. “I know that. I do. I know how you feel.” He paused hoping Ben would remember the times when he had jeopardized their relationship with deceit. “Michael, I just can’t be some consolation prize anymore.” Ben replied. “Consolation prize?” Michael furrowed his brow. “Brian.” He stated the name softly but full of confidence. This conversation was long over due. Michael nodded considering the man’s words. “I love Brian.” Michael admitted. “I’m always going to love him, but he doesn’t love me like that.” “So what, you settle for me instead?” Michael shook his head. “No, I’m not settling. I never felt like I was settling. I love you Ben.” He leaned forward and reached for the man but Ben pulled back. “Just not as much as Brian.” Ben continued. “Differently than I loved Brian. I mean it wasn’t even Brian I was in love with. It was this idea of Brian. Something I cooked up when I was fourteen. It’s never going to happen. It never was going to happen.” Michael replied. “I romanticized our friendship but Brian isn’t the boy I fell in love with, and he isn’t the man I use to chase around and worship. He’s moved on without me.” He admitted. It hurt but the truth usually did. “Michael I wish I could just tell you that we can just go back and forget all of this happened, but I can’t. I won’t. I don’t know how much time I have left—“ “Ben, please don’t talk like that.” Michael interrupted. “Why? It’s the truth. I don’t know how much time I have left, but however much it is I want to spend it with someone who can love me, who can think that in spite of being infected I’m still worth loving, and that they are the luckiest person in the world to be with me.” Ben swallowed hard and stared down at the floor. It took everything he had not to give in to Michael. It would be so much easier and safer to just give in and accept the love that Michael had to offer, but it wasn’t enough and Ben realized he owed it to himself to see if something more was out there waiting for him. “Ben, I do love you.” Michael bit back the tears he felt threatening to fall. “I love you too.” Ben replied easily. “I just don’t want to be with you anymore.” Michael nodded taking a moment to get a grip on his emotions before slowly rising. “Do you mind if I finish the book?” He asked gesturing to it. Ben picked it up and handed it back to the smaller man. There fingers briefly touching one another. “Keep it.” Ben offered the man the book and a small sad smile. Michael nodded. Without another word he headed out the front door. It looked like he would be needing that ride home after all.