Endings and Beginnings - Book 4 Chapter 4 Emmett and Vic had just finalized the plans for the event and were headed down the front steps of the country club when Vic suddenly stopped. Emmett took a few more steps before he realized the other man was no longer at his side. Turning he was surprised to see a look of outrage on the older man’s face. He followed the man’s gaze in order to determine what had caused such a reaction. It was then that he first noticed a young man making his way toward the entrance of the club. It took Emmett a few moments to place the face before he too found himself staring in shock. It was a nightmare come back to haunt them both. The young man noticed both men and offered them an arrogant dismissal as he continued on to the front door. He made it obvious by his demeanor that he considered them hired help. He had no intention of acknowledging their reaction to his presence though they both seemed vaguely familiar for some reason. “Was that who I thought it was?” Emmett asked, surprised he was able to find his voice. “Chris Hobbs.” Vic was still staring at the door where the man had just disappeared. “Same evil prick.” “Do you think Justin knows?” Emmett asked suddenly concerned for his friend. Vic shook his head then shrugged. “I’m not sure I should tell either he or Brian.” Vic conceded. “Well of course you should tell them. What if he comes around trying to hurt Justin again?” Emmett asked. “Justin and Brian both deserve a heads up.” “Warn them? Why? Chris Hobbs would never come near Justin again. He’s obviously gone on with his life.” Vic moved past Emmett heading for Deb’s car. “Justin is just some distant memory, some fag he taught a lesson to.” Vic spat bitterly. “Besides, I’m not sure what Brian would do if he knew that the man was back in town.” They’d all heard through Deb that Chris Hobbs had gone on to Penn State the fall after the bashing. Deb had found that out from Jennifer who still had friends who were close to the Hobbs family. Emmett would never understand people who could condone hate and yet so many “good” people seemed to not only condone it but to integrate it into their belief system. Chris Hobbs had hated Justin to the point where he’d actually tried to kill the young man and yet he was free as bird because someone obviously believed that it was okay to hate fags. The idea that creeps like Chris Hobbs were actually heralded by some as heroes made Emmett feel sick. “We aren’t still going to help with the event are we?” Emmett asked still lost in his thoughts. “Why wouldn’t we?” Vic asked firmly. “To protest.” Emmett announced passionately, Vic’s response shocking him out of his haze. “If they are allowing a violent criminal to be a member here, then maybe we shouldn’t associate with this club.” Vic chuckled as he started the car. “What?” Emmett asked defensively. “He isn’t a criminal in their eyes.” He announced. “We are.” “All the more reason not to work for those stiffs.” Emmett replied knowing Vic’s words were true. “It’s a good job.” Vic replied softly, thinking over Emmett’s words. “I know but—“ Emmett started to argue once more. “You’re right.” Vic said with a new found enthusiasm. He turned the car around and headed back toward the Country Club. “Fuck ‘em” “Fuck ‘em.” Emmett agreed. He knew that they could definitely use the money from the event to help get their business going, but at the same time realized that neither he nor Vic could afford to take the job now. The cost was too high, after all integrity was priceless. ************************** Michael was starting to panic. He’d closed the shop and headed to the loft. He’d been sure that Brian had merely been avoiding his calls, but after using his emergency key he had found that the loft was empty. Neither Tyler nor Brian was anywhere to be found. He’d already contacted Brian’s office and knew that he was out for the day. The next obvious moved was to check the baths. It was a logical place to look given Brian usual modus operandi. When he didn’t find the brunet at any of the three establishments, he then tried Woody’s to no avail. He knew it was too early for the backroom of Babylon. Feeling at a loss he was tempted to call Justin’s house but the memory of the blonde’s steel resolve kept him instead searching elsewhere. An hour later his phone rang. Checking the id he felt both relieved and hesitant as he answered. “Brian?” His voice cracked slightly so he cleared his throat. “Meet me on the front steps of the school.” Brian ground out. “Our old school? High School?” Michael questioned, but the only response he received was the sound of Brian’s phone disconnecting. ************************* Brian sat on the steps fighting the memories that rolled through him. He could feel the hard cold concrete beneath him and realized that he was sitting on the exact spot where Michael had always waited for him each morning. He could still see the boy, geeky comic book t-shirt, staring anxiously at the passing faces, nervously searching for the one that would be friendly. “Hey.” Brian looked up and found Michael standing on the sidewalk. “This was the last place I would have expected to find you.” He admitted with a laugh hoping that perhaps Brian wasn’t as angry as he suspected. “Well, it seemed the right place for this talk.” Brian stated solemnly causing Michael to shift uneasily on his feet. “Remember when Tommy Biggs knocked me down the steps and started waling on me. You ran up and saved me.” He paused staring off to the right. “It was right there.” He pointed to the spot. “I was curled up trying to keep from being killed. That was when I heard your voice and the next thing I knew, Tommy was the one on the ground.” He looked up with renewed gratitude and awe at his friend. Brian remained unreadable. He merely nodded. “Yeah that was where it all started.” He was staring at the spot Michael had indicated. “So it seems only right that this be the spot where it all ends.” Michael’s mouth went dry. He furrowed his brow, his eyes searching in desperation for the meaning behind the man’s words. “What do you mean “it ends”? What is going to end?” He demanded feeling the panic out pace his breathing. “What do you think I mean?” Brian asked not moving from his spot on the steps, his eerie calm unsettling his friend further. “I don’t know.” Michael ventured afraid to verbalize what he was thinking. Watching Brian he knew that his friend wasn’t going to continue until he offered his thought. “Our friendship?” He quietly asked. Michael didn’t want it to be true, but if it was, he hoped that perhaps it would hurt less if he said it instead of Brian. He didn’t want to hear those words from Brian. Being back in front of their school brought back so many painful memories. Michael could still remember the euphoria that he’d felt when Brian had started being his friend. At first Michael had been leery of the athlete. He’d wondered if perhaps he was being set up by the brunet for some cruel joke. It wouldn’t be the first time that it had happened to him. He’d had more than his share of cruel jokes during his school years, but to his amazement Brian’s offer of friendship had been sincere. Looking over at the man who was now sitting quietly next to him, he realized that the thought of losing his friendship was more than his heart could bear. Brian looked up at that moment and met Michael’s gaze. “Why would you think I would throw away twenty years of friendship in a day?” Brian asked his voice soft but concerned. “I don’t know.” Michael hedged but then realized that Brian needed for him to be completely honest about things. “Because Justin has asked you to choose and used whatever influence he has over you to turn you against me.” Michael hated how defensive and weak he sounded but the thought of losing Brian was devastating. “First of all, leave Justin out of this.” Brian rumbled. “For the moment anyway. This is about us.” Brian stood and motioned for Michael to join him as he moved up to the top step. “Brian—“ Michael began but Brian silenced him with a look. Michael cowed down and trudged up the steps. They both sat in silence for a moment surveying the run down neighborhood surrounding them. “Lots of memories here Mikey.” Brian offered. “Some good, some bad.” He seemed deep in thought. Michael wondered which memories Brian was reliving. He remained quiet. “I made some mistakes back then and instead of setting the record straight I chose to just ride it out.” “What are you talking about?” Michael read the note of regret in Brian’s voice and wondered where this conversation was leading. “When we first met, I was pretty beat down. The Kinney house believed in pointing out a person’s failings not their successes.” He sighed then rubbed the back of his neck before continuing. “Maybe that is why I let things go on for so long.” He offered. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” Michael furrowed his brow. This was not what he had expected. Brian hated talking about his past yet here he was bringing it up. This was not what Michael had expected from his friend given the circumstances. From the moment Justin had left the store Michael had been dreading this conversation. He’d expected ranting and raving, not quiet resolution. He felt off balance by Brian’s behavior. He wasn’t sure what was going on between them at the moment, but somehow he sensed that it went deeper than romantic conspiracies. Michael heard Brian clear his throat and looked up meeting his friend’s gaze. His eyes were no longer those of the predator he usually saw in the backrooms but those of the boy he had held so many times when Brian had run to the Novotny home for shelter. “Michael, I’m trying to tell you about a young man who thought he was shit until someone else told him he wasn’t. I’m talking about someone who never expected to be admired and then found himself drunk on it.” Brian mumbled. “I’m talking about me. I’m talking about you. I’m talking about us, Michael. Our friendship, it was fucked up from the start. Because I was fucked up from the start.” “Don’t say that.” Michael shot out defensively. “You were never fucked up. You were always beautiful and smart and amazing.” Michael struggled to convince his friend who was now shaking his head in disbelief. “And our friendship—“ “Was a lesson in codependency.” Brian assured him. “I needed to be worshiped and you needed a flesh and blood super hero.” Brian shot back. “Brian—“ Michael began his voice taking on a pleading note. “Don’t.” Brian warned. “I’m not saying I regret any of it. I’m just saying it has to stop. We aren’t fourteen anymore. We have other people in our lives now, people to watch out for us. People who love us and that maybe, just maybe, we can love back.” “You mean Justin?” Michael asked incredulously. “You really think he’s up to keeping you out of trouble, holding you together. You think he can take your shit when life goes south?” “Michael, I’m not going to sit here and defend Justin. This isn’t about him. This is about you and me.” Brian was surprised when he heard Michael’s laughter. He turned and leveled his glare on the other man. “Did he come up with that or did you?” Michael asked his bitterness obvious. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Brian paused as he realized what Michael was saying. “He came to see you?” “Oh yeah and guess what wisdom he had to offer me.” Michael sarcastically scoffed. Brian smirked staring down at the steps once more, unable to hide the pride he felt for the blond. “He fucking threatened me.” Michael spat. “Well I’m sure he meant it.” Brian reasoned. “That’s all you have to say about it.” Michael replied sounding more shocked than outraged. “I told you I’m retiring as your super hero. You need someone to protect you from Justin then I suggest you talk to the Professor.” He heard the smaller man huff next to him. “Michael make no mistake about this, I can’t do this anymore.” Brian sighed then corrected himself. “No, that’s wrong. I won’t do this any more.” “Do what?” Michael asked. “I won’t be put in the middle between you and Justin. I won’t have you meddling in my life trying to protect me from someone who is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. It can’t just be about you and me, Michael. We aren’t alone in the life raft anymore.” Brian’s voice was soft but firm. “He’ll hurt you.” Michael stated softly. “He won’t be the first one or the last one.” Brian reasoned, “But whatever happens between us is none of your business.” “Sure you say that now but wait until he dumps your ass again. You’ll be calling me at all hours of the night, kidnapping me, begging me to party with you.” Michael looked away. Brian knew that as much as Michael resented it, a small part of him had enjoyed it. He enjoyed hanging out with his best friend, being the man hanging out with the illustrious Brian Kinney. “You don’t want to be my hero fine.” Michael ground out. “But I won’t be your crutch either.” “Fair enough.” Brian stated softly. Michael gasped softly at the man’s resolve. “You say that now because it’s the easiest thing to say. You wait and see. You’ll need me.” Michael scoffed once more. “I’m not going to argue with you.” Brian replied. “I can’t tell you what I’ll do if that ever happens, but you can always just tell me to fuck off and I will.” “I could never do that.” Michael replied sadly looking down at the steps. He knew he was telling the truth and he also knew that Brian was fully aware of that fact. “I know.” Brian whispered. “But Michael what you did, what you orchestrated with Max and Tyler, well let’s just say, don’t ever do that again. Just because you can’t tell me to fuck off and leave you alone, doesn’t mean that I won’t say it to you.” “What does that mean exactly?” Michael asked hesitantly. “It means my life, your life.” Brian pointed to himself first then to his friend. “You run your life, I’ll run mine.” Michael nodded. “We’re friends Michael, not lovers. There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed and lately you’ve been crossing all of them.” Michael met his gaze then looked away guiltily. “I know.” His tone was apologetic. “Next time I won’t be this forgiving.” Brian promised. “And for the record, if you ever put Justin or Stephen’s well being in jeopardy I won’t forgive or forget.” His eyes were ice as they grabbed and held Michael’s gaze. Michael felt his mouth go dry. Brian had never threatened him before. He’d always been his protector and defender. The smaller man wasn’t sure how to react to this turn in events. He suddenly felt lost and vulnerable. He’d always counted on Brian to back him up. “What? So now you’re his super hero?” Michael voice sounded much like Gus’ anytime the five year old wasn’t getting his way. “Nope.” Brian stated firmly ignoring the other man’s childish behavior. “Justin doesn’t need a super hero. He is more than capable of saving himself.” He found himself smiling at the thought of the blond and knew that the words rang true. “Best friend.” Michael whispered softly. “Ben is your best friend.” Brian affirmed. Michael looked back up at him quizzically. “Ben is your best friend.” Brian repeated. “He’s your partner. Your lives overlap and have for years now.” He reasoned. “You’re my best friend.” Michael demanded. “And I’m your best friend.” “Michael, friends encourage one another, they do what it takes to help their friend reach their potential, they call each other on their bullshit and they believe and trust when everyone else is ready to walk away.” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth once he finished. “I know. I’m your best friend.” Michael announced. “No, Michael you aren’t. You are a good friend and I love you, but Justin is my best friend.” “No fucking way.” Michael demanded jumping to his feet. “How can you say that? How can you possibly say that? He wasn’t there when your dad beat the shit out you. He wasn’t there when you were high and fucking everything that moved after he took off with Ethan.” “You’re right, but you weren’t there when he was with me in the loft. You never knew what it was like when we were together. You weren’t there that night in that hotel when we danced at his prom or when I held his broken body in that fucking parking garage. He was. He never let me get away with all the shit you and everyone else did, he expected more. He knew I had more to offer than just being King Asshole of Liberty Avenue.” Brian was calm but his tone held a new found confidence. “So you love him?” Michael asked. Brian smirked refusing to respond. “If I hadn’t let you get away with so much, would you have loved me?” Michael asked softy, the sadness in his voice tearing through the larger man. Brian turned slightly and cupped Michael’s chin staring into his dark brown eyes. He finally shook his head. “I do love you Michael but I have never been in love with you.” He confessed. Michael nodded sadly, managing to feign acceptance on the surface, though even now, he realized his heart would never completely be free of the now dying hope within him. “So where do we go from here?” He asked. “You swear not to meddle anymore. I swear not to use you as a crutch anymore. Then I guess we both try to grow up and see if we can manage to be friends and adults at the same time.” Brian replied as he pushed up until he was standing on the steps. “I’ll never forget the first time I saw you.” Michael reminisced. Brian raised one eyebrow. “I think I fell in love with you at that very moment.” Brian wasn’t sure how to respond to that without hurting the other man. “You ever felt like that?” Michael asked holding out for one more chance to know that Brian had returned his feelings if for only a moment. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded. He headed down the steps. “When?” Michael asked suddenly desperate to know that all his years of waiting had not been spent in vain. “One night,” Brian began. “I looked up and saw a blond twink standing under a street lamp. It took me a while to realize it, but I was gone at that moment.” Brian knew his words had cut Michael like a knife, but sometimes it took something painful to push a person into accepting the truth. He’d learned that lesson first hand. He’d had a moment like that four years before sitting on the cold concrete of a parking garage watching his own life bleed out onto his hands. Brian knew that he wasn’t the right person to comfort Michael through this pain. That would be Ben’s job. Steeling his resolve, Brian continued on to his jeep, never looking back.