Endings and Beginnings - Book 4 Chapter 3 Brian pulled back the door to the loft and was startled when he practically bumped into another body leaving. He took in the man’s appearance. He was tall, lean and dark haired. It was obvious that Tyler had gone shopping for a substitute for the night and had managed to find a near match. The other man eyed Brian suspiciously before pushing past him and exiting the loft. “Finally.” Tyler sighed from the top of the steps. “It’s about time.” Brian stood for a moment and for the first time since he’d allowed the man in his home, he wished Tyler was dressed. “You seem to have done alright without me.” Brian closed the door behind him and threw his jacket in the direction of the couch knowing from past experience that it wouldn’t make it. He listened as it landed on the hardwood floor as he opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water. He glanced at the phone wanting to call Justin and apologize for his outburst. He had no idea why he had taken out his anger on the blond. Sometimes being in the wrong place at the wrong time just sucked and Justin knew that better than anyone. “So did Justin survive?” Tyler’s sarcasm was like nails on a chalkboard. Brian felt his body stiffen and realized it was time to clear the air. “So, tell me the plan.” He stated conversationally as he headed into the living room ignoring his jacket as he passed it. Tyler watched him as he walked by, his eyes narrowing in both concern and alarm. “The plan?” He played dumb. It wasn’t something he enjoyed but sometimes the best defense was ignorance. “Yeah, you know the plan you and Mikey cooked up.” Brian crossed his feet on the coffee table. He forced his body to remain relaxed. It was vital that he maintain a nonchalant attitude if he held any hope of getting the truth. Tyler smirked as he moved into the living room. “Tell you what.” He moved to sit by Brian leaning his still naked body against the other man. “Let’s play first and talk later.” He whispered seductively into the brunet’s ear. “Play?” Brian turned to him staring into the man’s green eyes. “Seems you’ve been playing me for a long time.” He observed. Tyler noted a slight shift in the man’s tone and realized that things were not as they appeared. He stared hard at Brian’s features and recognized the anger in the set of the man’s jaw. “Who told?” He asked leaning back against the far arm of the couch. “Doesn’t matter.” Brian declared. Tyler nodded in agreement then headed up to the bedroom to dress. This was definitely not a naked conversation. Brian waited feeling his world tilt at an odd angle. He refused to accept that Max had been telling the truth. He had convinced himself that it was more than likely Max who had devised this scheme, but how could Max have known about Tyler. It made no sense. “So.” Tyler’s voice startled him. Looking up Brian noted that the man was now dressed as he planted himself in the chair to the left. “What do you want to know?” Brian smirked for a moment as he realized that this was going to be easier than he had expected. He’d expected a longer period of denial. “Everything.” He replied taking another long draw on his bottle of water wishing it were JB instead. He glanced at the clock and realized it was way to early for the hard stuff. “Well seems you have an overprotective guardian angel who think a certain blond is bad news for you.” Tyler replied his eyes never wavering from Brian’s. “This angel would he be Max Collins?” Brian asked hopefully. Tyler sighed, acknowledging Brian’s need to exonerate his friend. He glanced down then met Brian’s eyes once more before shaking his head. Brian nodded in response. He took another drink from the bottle before continuing. “Michael?” He asked. Tyler nodded. Brian shook his head and sighed. Closing his eyes he leaned his head back against the couch. Tyler sat watching waiting for the next question. Somehow he had always known that Brian would figure it all out. He had known this day would come. It had happened sooner than he had expected but still, he owed him the truth and that was what he would pay in full. “He said the kid hurt you.” He offered trying to remember what Novotny had told him. “He was trying to convince me to join in, but I didn’t need any convincing. I was game.” Tyler admitted. “He contacted you?” Brian asked wondering how Michael could have gotten Tyler’s number. “Yeah. He said he got my number off your machine.” Tyler replied. “He could have gotten it off of the wall at Babylon’s for all I care. I was glad to play along.” “I don’t know what to say.” Brian stated softly. “I can’t believe any of this.” He kept his eyes shut. He felt angry and stupid but most of all betrayed. “I feel like an idiot.” “Why?” Tyler asked sincerely. “Because for weeks I’ve been played like a fool.” Brian spat his anger forcing its way past the hurt. “You played me.” “No, I played with you.” Tyler leered. “There wasn’t any acting going on between us on my part. I wanted you and this was my chance to have you. I knew the last time we were together that someone was between us. You were distracted to say the least. I assumed it was this blond. Michael assured me that Blondie would be out of the picture as long as I distracted you. So I did my part and Max did his.” Tyler replied. “You didn’t even know Justin. How could you agree to something like that? Shit.” Brian stood and stalked away from the couch. “I didn’t need to know him. I knew you.” Tyler explained. “What the hell do I care about some other guy?” He callously replied. Brian clenched his teeth. This was the side of Tyler that had revealed itself slowly over the last few weeks. Brian stared at him for a long moment wondering what he had ever found attractive about the man. “Get out.” Brian ordered. Tyler smiled and nodded. He had assumed as much. “We still have a week until the launch.” Tyler replied heading to the bedroom. “I think it would be best if Gardner oversaw the final implementation.” Brian replied coolly. Tyler nodded once more. He’d assumed this as well. “You know Brian, it was fun.” Tyler threw over his shoulder as he headed into the man’s room to pack. Brian had no response. Looking back over the weeks he realized that he failed to share the other man’s opinion. It was just more of the same. It felt empty and hollow. He would never understand how something that in the moment made him feel so alive always managed to make him feel dead later. ******************************** Justin tossed and turned in bed for an hour before he finally gave up. He knew what he had to do and even though his head was still aching, there would be no rest until he confronted the perpetual pain in his ass first. Jennifer was alarmed when she learned of Justin’s trip to the hospital. He tried to reassure her that he was fine but she recognized the lingering pain in his eyes. Knowing that there was no way to dissuade Justin once he set his mind on something, she stepped aside holding her grandson on her hip and watched her son march out to his car. She wasn’t sure where he was headed but something had him upset enough to have called her to baby sit even though it had meant divulging the migraine incident. Stephen played with his grandmother’s hair as he too watched his dad drive away. “Where do you think he’s going?” Jennifer asked glancing at Stephen. “Bwi.” Stephen replied. Jennifer considered the baby’s words and wondered if Stephen really knew what he was talking about. Things had been strained between the two men ever since their trip to Toronto. Jennifer hadn’t wanted to pry but she had sensed a sadness in Justin. She sighed as she closed the door. “So what do you want to do today?” She kissed the porcelain cheek so like her own son’s. “Pway twains.” Stephen announced and immediately wiggled himself out of her arms. Forcing her concern for his father aside, Jennifer decided to concentrate on the son. ************************** Michael was busy fixing a mistake in his inventory system and failed to hear the jingle of the bell indicated that he had a new customer. It wasn’t until Justin cleared his throat that the man looked up. “Justin.” Michael sputtered slightly startled. He found himself looking past the blond to see if Brian had come to visit as well. “He’s not here.” Justin stated firmly. There was something about the younger man’s tone that caused Michael to lean back off of the counter and cross his arms defensively. “Rapid recovery.” Michael accused. Justin immediately dismissed the man’s speculation. He’d never cared what Michael had thought of him and he had no intention of starting now. “I want you to stay the fuck out of my life.” Justin demanded. Michael’s jaw dropped in surprise and disgust. “I never wanted to be in your life.” He quipped. “Then don’t make pathetic schemes with my boss to interfere in my personal affairs.” Justin remained calm his voice calm and menacing. Michael felt his heart race at the revelation of his connection to Max. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” He attempted. Justin smirked but there was no humor in the sound of it. “You know I’m not going to stand here and argue your innocence. I know what you did and I want you to be very clear that if you EVER get in my business like that again, you will be sorry.” He leaned in over the counter his eyes pinning the man to the back wall. Michael didn’t want to admit that he felt a slight shudder of fear run up his spine, but he knew that he had. He’d never seen this side of Justin before. “You aren’t really threatening me.” Michael surmised. “Sounds like I am.” Justin replied confidently. “What could you possibly do to me?” Michael scoffed. “You aren’t very frightening.” But at that moment Michael realized that Justin was frightening. There was a steel resolve to him that made it a certainty that whatever was coming out of his mouth was indeed fact not fiction. “I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought that far in advance. I guess I’m just hoping you’ll heed the warning and save me the trouble.” Michael considered his words not sure how to respond. “You think Brian will appreciate your threatening his best friend like this?” Michael finally replied knowing Brian was his best protection against the blond. “I don’t give a shit what Brian thinks about this. It isn’t up to him. This is between you and me. It’s always been between you and me. You’re the one who keeps dragging Brian into it.” Michael absently moved the stool between his body and the counter. Justin noticed the gesture and realized how frightened the other man was. ‘Good’ he thought. “Brian is my best friend. I’m just trying to protect—“ “him? From whom? Me?” Justin asked. “I thought you just said I’m not very imposing that way.” “You already hurt him once Justin. You have any idea what that was like to watch? Do you have any clue how frightening it is to watch someone you love unravel and to be completely helpless to stop it?” Justin considered his words but refused to be sidetracked. “I already told you once, this isn’t about Brian. From the first night that he met me and took me home, you’ve wanted me gone. This is about you and me, Mikey.” He stated. “I’m just finally drawing the line. You want to be friends with Brian, go for it. I’ve never tried to stop that, but if you ever EVER get in my life, do anything that could negatively impact my son, I’ll fuck your universe.” Michael knew in that moment that Justin wasn’t bluffing. He wasn’t sure what fucking his universe would entail but he’d been around long enough to know how bright Justin was. Michael knew Justin could manage it and he would never even see it coming until he was standing in the rubble. “Stay away from Brian.” Michael tried once more. “No way. I’m not here to deal. What I feel for Brian is none of your fucking business. Are you catching on to this yet Mikey?” Justin furrowed his brow. “You have no say in what goes on with me.” “He’s never going to change.” Michael spat. “He already has. In spite of yours and everyone else’s efforts to keep him stuck in a screwed up childhood, he’s grown up. He’s changed. I’ll never understand how I’m the only one who can see that, but I do see it. Then again, I’ve always been able to see more in him than the rest of his so called friends.” His voice was thoughtful but firm. “You’re fooling yourself. He’s with Tyler now.” “You know what, you’re right. He is. Wonder how that conversation is going.” Michael was about to explain that that wasn’t what he meant but then felt the impact of Justin’s words. “What do you mean?” He asked his voice small and insecure. “Max came by, he told us everything.” Justin confessed enjoying the look of shock and anxiety on the smaller man’s face. “You know Michael.” Justin turned then paused once he reached the door. “I don’t have to think of ways to fuck your universe, you managed to do it all on your own.” He turned and left. Michael failed to hear the bell once more as his mind tried to comprehend the impact of his actions. ********************** “You have someone waiting for you in your office.” Ann, the temporary receptionist, announced as Max picked up his messages from her desk. He glanced up, his brow furrowed. “He said he was a friend of yours.” She glanced down looking for the slip of paper where she had written his name. “Ben Bruckner.” She replied. Max nodded and sighed. “Why not.” He muttered as he headed into his office. “Ben.” He greeted sounding tired. Ben watched the man closely. This was a defeated Max and not what Ben had expected. “Max.” He replied softly his concern evident. Max sat at his desk then looked over at the handsome professor sitting across from him. “Ben, you are a good man.” He announced causing Ben to shift uncomfortably in his chair. “Max—“ Ben began but Max continued. “He doesn’t deserve you.” He shook his head. “Who?” Ben furrowed his brow. “That conniving boyfriend of yours.” Max replied confidently. Ben wanted to defend Michael but felt an impending sense of dread knowing that Max was about to reveal Ben’s worse fears where Michael was concerned. “He’s quite the schemer.” Max smirked. “He had it all figured out.” Ben raised his eyebrows. “You sure you want to know?” He asked wearily. Ben nodded and leaned slightly forward not entirely convinced that he did want to hear what Max had to say. Max rubbed his temples for a moment then reached into his desk and pulled out a bottle of aspirin. “You want some water?” Ben asked. Max nodded and gestured over to the water cooler in the corner of his office. Ben rose and brought him a small paper cup of water. Max reveled in the feel of the cool water sliding down his throat. After a moment he opened his eyes and continued. “He had it all figured out. He wanted me to keep Justin distracted while Tyler worked on Brian. It was his scheme to keep the two men apart. He just never counted on Justin remembering the one night that seems to have them bound together for all eternity.” He sighed then rolled his lips into his mouth. “I really did care for Justin. I really did believe I was best for he and Stephen. That’s why I went along with it, but after seeing them together last night at the hospital, it was so obvious.” He paused. Ben watched as the man struggled to deal with the ramifications of his actions. “Max, I don’t think I understand.” Ben ventured hoping that he truly didn’t understand. “Michael wanted Justin out of the picture. I did my best to make it happen.” Max declared. “Now I’ll be lucky if he remains here heading up the Art Department.” “Do Justin and Brian know any of this?” Ben asked softly feeling shell shocked. He’d had his suspicions but now had no idea how to deal with the fact that he had been right. “I confessed the whole ugly business to them this morning before coming here.” He replied. “Does Michael know that you did that?” Ben rose to his feet feeling slightly concerned for his partner. Max glanced at his watch and considered the time. “He does by now.” ************************ Brian heard the loft door close and took a deep breath battling back the itch he felt slowly tickling the back of his neck. There was a part of him that was crying out for escape. He knew there was a bottle in the cabinet and some stash in his box, but that wasn’t where this itch was leading him. This was the driving need to be lost in action, to put aside all feelings other than physical pleasure. He needed the distraction of an anonymous body in a dark room. He knew it was mistake even as he rose and headed into his bedroom to shower. He knew he needed to call Justin, apologize for the way he had walked out, then find Mikey and get to the bottom of this debacle. Just the thought of any one of those actions seemed to weigh the man down. He could feel the fatigue settling into this arms and legs and knew that he wouldn’t be making any calls or launching any fact finding missions until he had spent a few hours at the baths. He ignored the phone letting the machine pick it up. “Brian.” He turned on the shower hoping to drown out the desperate sound of Michael’s voice pleading with him to pick up. What would he say if he did pick up? How could he possibly begin to deal with the fact that Michael had plotted against him, had set him up? Brian felt humiliated and betrayed. He wondered if Tyler would be discussing the rouse around the board room. He wondered how he would ever convince Gardnerto take the account. It could be worse. At least he didn’t have to face Tyler each day or answer to him and follow his directives. No, that humiliation was reserved for Justin alone. Brian clenched his jaw in anger at the thought of Justin having to face Max now day in and day out knowing that he’d been played by the man, used just as Tyler had used Brian, as Michael had used them all. Brian had never had a strong attachment to God but he had always accepted that He existed. He didn’t know much about Him but he knew that God wasn’t the owner of a shabby comic book store. Sometime before the day was out he would have to make that point to Michael. He had no right to play a role he wasn’t suited for. He could barely hold his own life together. How had he hoped to manage both Brian and Justin’s? Brian felt the cold suspicion and knew it rang true even as he processed his final thought. Michael had never intended to manage Justin’s life. He had never given a shit about the blond. This had all been done to protect Brian. Michael had endangered Justin’s job, left he and Stephen vulnerable, and for what? So Brian would be spared the pain of growing up and moving on? What had the man hoped to accomplish? As Brian threw on his jacket once more, he no longer felt the need to hit the baths. He knew he would never find any answers there. He considered how long he had been postponing this conversation and knew it was long over due. It was time that Michael accepted a few truths about their relationship and past time for Brian to establish some boundaries. He’d always believed that his walls had been impenetrable, but five years ago a blond, blue eyed kid had walked right through them. Now five years later, Brian was beginning to understand why. He’d let Justin in. He’d wanted him inside the walls, but only Justin. He wasn’t sure why it had been so easy to let the teen slip by his defenses, maybe even in the beginning he had recognized that Justin was someone he could count on and trust enough to let down the bravado and the mask. Justin had never tried to worship him. He’s always realized how fully human Brian Kinney was and wanted him in spite of his frailties. Brian could still remember the day he’d met Michael. He’d just transferred from private parochial school into a public high school. He’d felt nervous being out of the sheltered environment but had somehow known that his natural athleticism would rescue him. He’d spotted Michael right away and known that they shared the same secret. Even at a young age Brian’s gaydar had been phenomenal. Michael had been a loner finding it hard to find a niche where he fit in. He’d been a nice kid, almost too nice. Brian had been attracted to his natural innocence and naiveté, two qualities that Jack had long since beaten out of his only son. Brian had felt safe with Michael in a way that he had never felt with any other person. There was something trustworthy in the man even at fourteen. He was dependable and vulnerable. Brian had immediately accepted the role of protector for the smaller man. He had vowed almost from the beginning to keep Michael safe from a world that had already robbed Brian of his own innocence long before. Unfortunately somewhere along the way Michael had stopped being Brian’s friend and instead accepted the role of worshiper. Brian had never wanted to be placed on a pedestal. He’d never wanted to be worshipped like some fallen god. He had just wanted to be loved, cared for and accepted. He’d wanted a safe place to escape. He’d needed a place to go where he didn’t have to worry what time it was or if it was payday or not. The Novotny home had become in many ways a shelter for the brunet but at the same time it had slowly become a prison as well. The constant pressure of Michael’s expectations and Debbie’s disappointments had slowly changed Brian into what it was the Novotny’s envisioned him to be. Brian had long known that he hadn’t been wanted in his own home so it only seemed natural that he would become what his surrogate family expected. Michael had wanted him, but Brian had long decided that any intimacy between them would be a huge mistake. Michael was his best friend. His first philosophy had formed around this man. Friends don’t fuck friends. And yet that was exactly what Michael had managed to do 20 years later. He’d fucked Brian and not in a life affirming way. Brian relived their long history together remembering how Michael had clung to him, held to him, looked to him for guidance and protection. Brian smirked at the memory of Michael’s continued dependence through those embattled years when Brian had shown up at his door with black eyes, bruised ribs and busted lips. How could Michael have ever expected so much from someone so desperate for protection himself? Brian dismissed that thought. How could Michael have realized that it was Brian who in fact had been desperately clinging to the smaller man through those long dark frightening years of rejection and abuse? He’d clung to the one person who would never hurt him. Michael had been the first person he’d ever really trusted. Perhaps that was why this seemed the deepest cut of all, this scheme no doubt meant to protect him but instead it had robbed him of something he’d come to count on: Michael. Looking back on their teen years it was a wonder that they made it out alive, but they had. Brian had survived. They’d both survived, but their relationship had not evolved as Brian had hoped it would. Michael had continued to worship him and as much as the smaller man insisted that he was Brian’s best friend, it didn’t take a genius to realize that no mere mortal could ever truly befriend a god. Brian though had continued to be there for Michael, looking out for him, trying to level the path, taking the blame for each and every failure the smaller man suffered and in return Michael had managed to fill the role of enabler, something Brian had always felt he needed until now. As Brian turned over the engine of the vette he paused having a momentary flash of Michael’s expression the day that he had learned of Captain Astro’s death. He’d been crushed and for a short time lost. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth pushing away the impending sense of dread. He had always known this day would come, but he’d always postponed it one way or the other hoping to avoid this confrontation. It felt like he was pulling a bandage off slowly. It felt like he was about to announce the death of Santa to a room full of kindergarteners. He’d protected Michael as long as he could, but now it was time for the other man to grow up and realize that all that relentless pressure he kept on the tall brunet hadn’t produced a diamond, but instead merely a rock. Brian was a rock, hard and cold, but five years ago Brian had discovered a heat warm enough to penetrate the layers of protection. He’d felt both terrified and elated by this discovery. He’d let it slip away once, but never again. Justin was his life raft and no one was going to take that away from him. All those years of protecting others seemed pointless now as Brian realized it was time that he finally, for once, protected himself. ********************************