NOTE TO READERS: This is the end of Lost. Chris and I want to thank each of you for taking the time to read our angst filled, dark and sometimes difficult story. It is our hope that after reading his final chapter you will feel it was time well spent. A special thanks to Lois the amazing beta!! Thanks for all of your help! Oh and to all of your who took the time thanks for the feedback……..Chris and Mouse 
Chapter 17

A week had passed since Justin’s encounter with Holden. He’d spent a great deal of his time locked away in his room. For reasons unknown to him, Hamilton had only sent him on a few jobs lately. Lying on his bed, he held onto Brian’s bracelet and the business card that Holden had given him; the two items offering him silent support.

The few times he’d seen Dutson during the week, the man had been silent. Justin brought up their arrangement once, seeing as he’d let the man fuck him and still hadn’t seen Brian yet, but Dutson had only shrugged it off and ignored the blond.

A loud knock jarred Justin from his thoughts. He quickly rolled over and slipped the bracelet and business card under his mattress and moved to the door. He opened it a crack only to have it pushed open, nearly knocking him backward.

“What?” Justin asked wearily. It was late and he expected that he was in for the evening.

“Get dressed,” Dutson said without emotion.

“Why?”

Dutson glared at Justin. “Get dressed or I’ll dress you myself, your choice.”

Justin took a step backward and turned toward his ragged dresser to do as he was told. Dutson stood inside the room, not bothering to hide the fact that he was watching as Justin stripped off his clothes and put on nicer, “work” clothes.

“Where are we going?” Justin asked as he pulled his shoes on.

“Does it matter?” Dutson asked as he turned around and started down the hallway, not waiting for Justin to follow.

The two men got into Dutson’s car and began to drive through the desolate city streets; neither one noticing the dark car that followed them from several hundred feet back.

Dutson pulled up in front of a large building near the waterfront; the area was full of old brick buildings, many abandoned, others hiding the city’s dark underworld. By the looks of it, the building they’d stopped in front of was an old hotel, or it had been at one point.

“Get out,” Dutson said calmly as he put the car in park and turned off the engine.

“Why?” Justin asked suspiciously. “This doesn’t look right. I’ve never tricked in a place like this.” 

Dutson glared at the man, not liking to be questioned. He sighed and looked into Justin’s eyes. “Look, I may be a hired thug, and I may be a lot of other things, but I made a deal with you; you lived up to your part, now I’m living up to mine.”

Justin’s face lit up, surprising Dutson. “You mean-“

“Second floor, room 12.”

Justin’s smile grew impossibly wider; he leapt from the car, thanking Dutson before going into the building. 

The building was old and dilapidated. He wanted to call out but was afraid that perhaps he and Brian weren’t the only ones using it. He found the stairs and took them two at a time in his haste to get to the other man. Walking down the dark hall he came to the door he was looking for. He slowly opened it hoping beyond hope that Dutson was leveling with him and not just setting him up for a fall. Justin almost sneezed the room was so dusty and musty smelling. In the dim light he made out a familiar silhouette. Justin felt his heart race just knowing that Brian was near. 

Brian was staring out the window. He looked so tall, so strong, so clean and perfect. Justin stood for a moment reveling in the fact that the brunet was actually there, in front of him. 

“Brian?” Justin asked quietly.

Brian spun around, not having heard the door open; he’d been lost in thought. He saw Justin and immediately closed the distance between them, pulling the blond tightly against his body.

“Justin… Jesus, I’m so happy to see you,” Brian admitted aloud.

“I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again,” Justin said with a slight sniffle.

Brian shushed him and continued to hold on for dear life.

Suddenly there was a commotion outside in the hall; Brian released Justin and stepped forward to place himself between the door and the blond. They exchanged a concerned look as the noise in the hall grew closer. Suddenly the door was all but knocked off its hinges as it swung into the room. Dutson, holding his bleeding forehead was thrust inside, followed by Hamilton.

Hamilton took in the scene before him. All his suspicions suddenly made sense. “You little shit,” he growled, staring at the blond head that was peeking out from behind Brian. “I knew you were lying.”

“Hamilton, look let’s –“ Brian didn’t get a chance to finish as Hamilton used the only negotiating skill he possessed, violence, to silence the man. One quick hard blow with the butt of the gun Hamilton held in his hand and Brian crumpled to the floor. He heard Justin scream his name just before blackness overtook him.

“You’re going to pay,” Hamilton said as he moved ominously toward Justin. “You’re responsible for it all,” Hamilton spat, continuing to stalk forward as the blond backed up. “Ann Carol, Dutson, Brian, you killed them all, Justin.”

“No.” Justin whispered quietly, tears falling from his eyes. It wasn’t possible. There was no way he had cost all of them their lives. 

“Yeah, I told you, you belong to me, you’re mine. But you couldn’t accept that could you? You thought you were too good to live this life, and now,” Hamilton chuckled, “you’re not going to have to anymore.” Justin gasped as he felt his back connect with the wall behind him. He was trapped.

Hamilton raised the gun, intent on ending the trouble that this man had brought to his organization once and for all. Justin stood still, searching the darkness unsure of what to do, only knowing that it was his fault, all of it, and that he’d never get a chance to apologize to Brian or ask for his forgiveness.

Just when he was sure the end was at hand, Justin heard a loud grunt, and watched as Dutson flung himself onto Hamilton. In the confusion Hamilton lost his grip on the weapon sending it twirling across the floor, finally landing in front of Justin. Hamilton struggled with Dutson, easily gaining the upper hand on his hired thug due to the man’s previous injury. 

“You really think he’s worth it old friend?” Hamilton sneered as he reached behind his back, pulling a knife from its sheath and stuck it into Dutson’s side. The burly man groaned and gasped loudly before going limp. Hamilton drove the knife deeper as he pulled the man’s ear to his mouth and hissed. “He’s just a fuck you stupid fucking fool!” 

Hamilton pushed himself off the floor; he was dripping in Dutson’s blood but he didn’t seem to either notice or care. He turned to face Justin. What he saw surprised him. Justin was looking at him, gun in hand, shaking slightly.

Hamilton laughed out loud, “You think you’re going to use that on me you little shit?” He took a step closer to Justin. Still clearly amused by the blonde’s false bravado, Hamilton held out his hand and motioned for Justin to hand the weapon over.

Justin took a step to the side trying to work his way back toward the door and closer to Brian. He wanted to try and bargain with the man, but he knew it was a lost cause.

“I was content with giving you and your boyfriend,” Hamilton sneered as he glanced at Brian, “a quick end. But now, you’re making me reconsider my own compassion.” His face grew hard as his irritation with the younger man peaked. “But now I think you are both going to suffer.”

“No,” Justin whispered shaking his head as he tried to think of some way out of the situation. 

Hamilton chuckled evilly. Justin fought the urge to shudder, the sound of the vicious laugh bringing back painful memories from his time served in Hamilton’s play room “Yeah. And I’m going to have fun with you while I do it. If you thought the sling was rough before Taylor, just you wait.” Hamilton grinned, hefting the knife, making sure that Justin got the picture.

“I won’t let you hurt him.” Justin declared gesturing toward Brian. He wanted to sound confident but the timber of his voice betrayed his insecurity.

Hamilton laughed louder this time as he took another step toward the blond, “you won’t LET me?” He stopped laughing then narrowed his eyes before growling “Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re mine. You’re a piece of ass, nothing more, and if you don’t drop that gun right now, your boyfriend will go into the sling right after I’m through with you.”

Justin’s mind presented him with a mental image of Brian strapped in the sling in Hamilton’s private play room and he knew that he couldn’t allow that to happen. He knew he’d do whatever it took to prevent it even if it meant forfeiting his own life. He looked at Brian’s unconscious body then back to Hamilton. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “No.” He said; his voice strong and powerful.

Hamilton was momentarily taken aback at the man’s strength but he wasn’t about to let that stop him. It was time to end this. It was time to make an example of this kid. Without warning he pounced. His forward momentum was suddenly halted as he felt the pain searing through his flesh long before he actually heard the sound of the gun going off.

Justin had fired several shots and watched in horror as Hamilton stopped mid-step, a look of shock and disbelief painted on his face. He never thought that Taylor had the balls to do it, but pulling his hand back from his chest he took in the bright red color and knew that he’d underestimated the blond for the last time. From the very beginning he’d been overly confident in his dealings with this kid, and now that was catching up to him with a vengeance. Hamilton looked down at his chest; his shirt was soaked with blood. He lifted his head to look at Justin, but knew his vision was starting to fail him as he fought to focus. It was then that he felt his legs let go, finally collapsing onto the hardwood floor.

Justin heard a final gurgling exhale from Hamilton and knew that the man, the monster, was dead. Dropping the gun, he stepped over Hamilton’s body as he raced to Brian’s side. He shook the man, and leaned down placing his ear to Brian’s nose and mouth to listen; several seconds passed before he realized that he could hear and feel the man’s breath. Justin gave a sigh of relief as he realized that Brian was alive, just unconscious.

Justin collapsed onto his knees next to Brian as shock began to sink in. He looked at Dutson and saw the man struggling on the floor. He was still alive as well.

Knowing what he had to do, Justin reached into Brian’s pocket and pulled out the man’s cell phone. He quickly punched in the number he’d memorized then waited, reciting a silent prayer that the man would answer.

“Hello?” A sleepy voice came on the line.

Justin wasn’t sure what to say. How could he possibly explain?

The man could hear breathing so he ventured once more, “Hello?”

Finally Justin found his voice, “Uh… this is… Justin… I mean Taylor.”

“Taylor?” Holden asked as he sat upright in his bed, sleep now a distant memory.

“I need help.” Justin quietly admitted glancing around the room and calculating the depth of understatement regarding his current situation.

“Okay,” Holden was out of bed and already dressing. “I need to know where you are and what happened.”

Justin gave the man the address as best he could remember then sketched out the barest details of what he had just survived before hanging up.

He wasn’t sure how long it took, but within a few minutes Justin heard the sound of sirens growing closer and louder. He looked over at Hamilton’s body understanding for the first time that he’d killed a man. He felt his blood go cold as he considered what his future now held. 

His thoughts were halted when three police officers and two paramedics entered the room. Justin moved to the far wall then slide down watching as the police collected the weapons in evidence bags and paramedics began assessing their patients. After a quick evaluation, both Brian and Dutson were each loaded onto stretchers and whisked from the room. It was as if Justin had been invisible until that moment, as one of the officers approached him. The woman knelt down then softly asked him his name. Justin remained silent. He wasn’t sure for a moment who he was or how he’d come to this point. Now that Brian was no longer in the room, Justin suddenly felt afraid, vulnerable and most of all alone.

“Taylor?” Holden asked as he entered the darkened room.

Justin looked up at Holden, amazed by the concern that he saw in the man’s eyes. Holden patted the cop on the shoulder and gently moved the woman out of the way; knelt down next to the blond and gave the man a smile. “It’s over, it’s all over now.”

Justin looked at him, but remained speechless. Was it over? Would it ever really be over? He wondered as he watched his boss being lifted into a body bag.

“What will happen to me?” Justin asked his eyes still fixed on the man he’d killed. 

“Looks like self defense.” Holden offered. Justin met his gaze.

“He said he would hurt me. He’d hurt Brian.” The younger man confessed. “I couldn’t let that happen.” His voice sounded distant as he tried to cope with the facts of his life. “Then he just came at me.” Justin admitted.

“You had no choice.” Holden assured him. “I’ve been around this game for a while. I can usually tell how things are going to pan out.” Justin nodded numbly. Holden wished he had more to offer the man. He wished he had held on to Taylor the night of the bachelor party and never let him go. 

“Hey,” a paramedic hollered from the door, “Who’s Justin?”

Holden knew the blond by Taylor, but earlier he’d called he’d used the name Justin. “Justin I presume?” Holden offered.

Justin nodded.

“Over here,” Holden shouted as he stood up.

The paramedic looked at the blond before speaking, “We got a Brian Kinney downstairs, he’s demanding to see you. He won’t go to the hospital without you.”

Justin’s face showed an obvious sign of relief at the news. He tried getting up but his body still wasn’t cooperating all the way as his legs gave out under his weight.

“Whoa, easy, let me help you,” Holden said gently as he helped Justin to his feet. “So,” Holden began as he helped Justin down the stairs, “I’m guessing this Brian fellow is pretty important to you?” 

Justin smiled at Holden then softly confessed, “Without Brian, I’d be lost.”

XXXXX


It was winter again. Justin pulled his warm jacket tighter around his body grateful to have it. He’d always wondered when he would start taking everything for granted again but so far five years later, he was still aware of how fortunate he was to have all that he did. 

Justin tucked his sketch pad into his portfolio as he continued to wait for Brian to get out of his meeting. It was a new account and it was always hard to know how long these things would take. Justin knew Brian would land it though. He had a brilliant concept and Justin’s layouts had been the finishing touch to the presentation. 

Justin had interned at Brian’s advertising firm for four year while completing his degree at NYU. Upon graduation he’d been offered a fulltime position. Of course he’d been thrilled to get the position in the company but his most treasured position was the one he held in Brian’s life. They were together. Really together, they had been since that night in the abandoned hotel years ago. Justin fingered the cowry shell bracelet which now never left his wrist. Partners, sometimes Justin had to pinch his arm to believe that it was really his life. 

He tried not to think about that dark year when he’d first come to New York, but no matter how hard he tried to avoid it, it still haunted him at times. Hours of counseling had managed to undo a lot of the damage which had been inflicted during those long months, but Justin had long accepted that he would never be the same. He would never be that naďve kid who had run away believing that a handsome prince would move heaven and earth to find him. Of course in the end that had been exactly what had happened, but not before the naiveté had been crushed from his existence.

Justin shifted on the bench glancing at the clock on the outside of the building. His eyes followed the short hand down to the street where he immediately noted a kid, probably no more than 17 leaning against the building obviously on display. 

Justin felt his heart ache as he remembered those desperate days where money was short and he found himself doing things he’d never imagined that he ever would just to survive. He wondered what the kid’s story was. They all had one. They all had a different one. Justin used to clump them all together too, but not anymore, not since he’d served his time among them. 

Brian watched as Justin focused on the lone figure across the busy street. He slowly eased his long lean body down onto the bench next to his lover and waited patiently to be noticed. Justin looked over at Brian, a faint haunted look in his eyes. 

“How’d it go?” He asked pushing the pain from his eyes and offering Brian a kiss. 

“Nailed it.” Brian offered reaching up and tracing Justin’s jaw line affectionately. “They of course are demanding that you be the primary art consultant on the account.” He smiled.

“Of course.” Justin mockingly replied. Brian laughed then followed Justin’s gaze once more back to the young man. 

“Let’s go buy him dinner.” Brian offered. Justin looked back, meeting the man’s gaze. “Let’s give Holden a call and see if there is a spot for him at the center.” Brian stood then reached down offering Justin his hand. Justin gave him a grateful smile then slid his smaller hand into Brian’s. He leaned up capturing Brian’s lips in a tender sensual kiss. Pulling back he felt Brian’s accepting gaze on him and he blushed as he always did at the man’s open affection. 

“I said I’m buying the kid dinner. I didn’t say anything about feeding you.” Brian teased. Justin swatted at him. 

“Thanks Brian.” He offered softly. Brian wrapped his arm around the blond as they headed over to the young man. 

Brian refused to give in to the shudder that threatened as they approached the kid. He always felt the same way whenever they approached one of the many lost boys they attempted to help. He knew why he reacted as he did. Images of Justin, battered and broken, always flooded back to the brunet, overwhelming him with renewed horror as well as gratitude that everything had worked out and Justin was safe. 

Their missions always followed a similar course. First they would have to convince the kid that they weren’t going to harm him. They would then have to find some place close by to take him to eat. Once Justin had them talking and feeling more human again, Brian would find a way to contact Holden. An hour later the man would appear and if everything went according to plan, the DA would already have a place for the kid for the night. 

It wasn’t much but Brian knew that sometimes all it took was one lucky break, one providential turn of fate to save the lost. He knew this to be true, he believed it for he had been given one such break in his life. It had come when he’d least expected it on a Fall evening, steam rising from the pavement, a street lamp, an honest beautiful daring blond and just like that, Brian Kinney had no longer been lost; he’d finally been found.


September 16,2004