Chapter 14 Michael sat in the back of the smelly cab, hoping for the millionth time that he was doing the right thing. After David walked out on him at the cabin, he’d stayed behind. As the week drew to a close, he’d called David in Portland to try to reason with the man. They’d invested a lot in their relationship in such a short period of time. They’d not only moved in together but they’d moved clear across the country. When Michael called, David had been curt. He informed his former lover that the man’s belongings, such as they were, had already been packed and were being shipped to the Pitts. David had hung up without so much as a goodbye. Typically slow to catch on, Michael realized immediately this time that there was no going back. Not only had he lost his lover, but he’d lost Brian too. His best friend, gone. After returning from the cabin Michael moved back in with Debbie and Vic. They’d both pretty much given him the cold shoulder. Neither of them ready to forgive his stupidity in having called Justin’s pimp. He still didn’t think it was as bad as everyone was making it out. Justin wasn’t part of their family, he’d used Brian and stolen from him; as a result, Michael thought that the blond deserved whatever he got. He had it coming to him. After being home for a few weeks, he was still unsure what to do with himself. He had a little in savings, but other than that he still hadn’t gotten a job or an apartment. He knew he couldn’t stay with his mother and Vic for much longer. He knew that he wanted to move to New York, to be closer to Brian, but first he had to make it up to the man. He had to show Brian that he was looking out for his best interests; that his concern from Brian had been the sole reason for his call to Hamilton. The cab slowed in front of a tall glass and steel building – the cabbie double parked and looked over his shoulder, motioning toward the building with a grunt indicating that they were at their destination. Michael slid a twenty through the window that separated the front and rear compartments and stepped out. Michael looked up at the darkened sky, clouds illuminated by the bright city lights, his eyes squinting from the fine mist that was falling. Taking a deep breath the man headed toward the building’s foyer, the doors were opened by a uniformed doorman and Michael headed toward the bank of elevators along the far wall. As the elevator ascended, Michael once again hoped that he was making the right decision. He and Brian were best friends and no matter how bad an argument or big a fight, at the end of the day best friends stuck together and were there to support and love one another. The elevator doors opened and Michael made his way down a luxuriously appointed hallway, though the quality of the décor was totally lost on him. He stood before Brian’s door and pressed the doorbell. After several moments the door swung inward and there stood Brian, naked save a pair of unbuttoned black jeans. Brian was slightly surprised to see his former friend, and the emotion showed for the briefest of instance before his walls pushed it aside. “Brian,” Michael said as he started to step into the other man’s lair. Brian took a step forward, preventing his former friend access. “What the fuck are you doing here, Michael? I thought I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want anything to do with you or that fucker David.” “But… Brian, we’re best friends, I thought –“ “No, you asshole!” Brian took another step forward. “Justin, Justin is my best friend. Don’t you ever fucking assume you’re more to me than some random asshole on the streets.” “Brian, I don’t understand.” “What the fuck don’t you understand?” Brian roared. “You fucking sold me out… you sold him out.” “I was just trying to help you, to save you from his – Justin isn’t good for you Brian.” Brian glared at the other man and whispered, “What the fuck do you know, Michael?” Michael became aware that they were still standing in the hallway; he nervously looked up and down the length of the hall hoping that none of the neighbors had heard any of the commotion. “Look, Brian, maybe we can go in and talk about this?” Michael suggested, motioning into Brian’s loft. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Michael.” Brian mumbled. “Please, Brian.” Brian shook his head, but stepped away from the door and into his dark loft. Michael stood still for several moments, unsure what he should do. Finally he entered the loft and closed the door behind him. Once the door was shut, Michael waited for his eyes to adjust to the dark room. Once his eyes were attuned to the lighting level he noticed that the loft was uncharacteristically dirty. There were smashed dishes and glasses lying on the floor, there were two bags of garbage half tied in the kitchen nook and the place smelled. “Did you fire your cleaning lady?” Michael asked in amusement. Without thinking, with his anger and desperation taking over total control of his body, Brian spun around, grabbed Michael by the shoulders and shoved the man against the wall. “Shut your fucking mouth!” Brian spat. Michael was stunned to say the least. Brian had never once laid a hand on him in anger, and at that moment he honestly thought Brian was going to kick the shit out of him. “Brian, let me go!” “You are such a fucking moron, Michael. How could you do that?” “What?” “Sell us out like that!” Brian screamed, pulling Michael away from the wall and slamming him into it again. “I… Brian, he’s a fuck up, you don’t –“ Brian slammed his former friend into the wall once more before letting go of him and moving away. He’d scared himself, he had vowed long ago never to let rage and hate take control of his actions for fear that he’d turn into his father. But seeing Michael and the man’s inability to understand what he’d done had pushed him over the edge. “Go home. Just… just go home.” Brian said in desperation as he slumped onto the couch. “I… I can’t. David left me.” Michael admitted as he moved nearer to Brian. His shoulder’s ached, but more than anything he was surprised by seeing Brian snap. Brian looked up at the man and chuckled humorlessly, not saying anything. “He… he admitted that he used Justin.” Michael said quietly as he sat down in a chair across from Brian. Brian looked up at his former friend, not bothering to hide the tears that were flowing. “So do you believe Justin now?” “Brian, I’m sorry, I admit I screwed up in believing David. But when I called Hamilton, it was with the best intentions, I swear.” “The best intentions.” Brian repeated. He tried to wrap his mind around the words but couldn’t. “Do you know what your best intentions resulted in?” Brian asked, pinning Michael to his seat with his eyes. Michael shook his head and looked away. “Look at me you fucking asshole!” Brian shouted. Michael did as told. “Hamilton showed up before we could get away. His goons knocked the shit out of me, and they,” Brian’s voice hitched and it was several moments before he could continue. “They… Hamilton… he… he raped Justin in front of me.” Michael was speechless. Brian continued to speak, his voice barely a whisper as he stared at his own hands. “He made me watch as he fucked Justin. If that wasn’t bad enough, Justin looked at me while it was happening.” Brian paused, not moving, still staring at his hands. “He looked at me with such shame and embarrassment, like he knew that when it was over I wouldn’t want anything to do with him.” Brian finally looked up at his former friend. Michael sat in stunned silence. While he knew that by calling Hamilton, the man would come to take Justin back, he had no idea that it would have gotten to this level. All the movies he’d ever seen about call boys or call girls had always been glamorous. He’d assumed that Justin was living the high life. “After it was all over,” Brian began to whisper again. “They left, and I didn’t know what to do. I just sat there. I didn’t know what to do.” “Brian, I… I’m so sorry. I never thought—“ Brian chuckled, “That’s your problem Mikey, you never think. It doesn’t matter now. Justin left. He disappeared. I don’t know where he is.” Michael sat quietly. “I love him so much, Mikey.” Brian said, his voice hitching over a sob. “How can you love him, after—“ Brian looked at the other man, “Nothing matters, none of it. I love him.” The two sat quietly for a while, before Michael finally spoke, “What about us?” Brian looked at Michael for several minutes before responding. “There is no us, Michael. I’m sorry, but I can’t forgive you after this. I’m serious; I don’t want anything to do with you ever again.” Michael’s eyes became watery, “You don’t really mean that, Brian, you just need some time to—“ “No,” Brian interrupted. “No. I can’t. When I look at you, when I see you… when… when I think of you, I see him. I see Justin on that bed, getting fucked, his eyes, looking at me, pleading for me not to hate him, somehow thinking it was all his fault. No. You need to leave Michael. You’re an adult, act like it. I expect you to honor my wishes and leave me be.” Michael nodded and stood up. He walked toward the door but stopped before opening it. “But, I’ve lost everything now.” Michael said sadly, looking back at Brian. Brian gave the man a knowing look, “Now… now you understand how Justin feels.” *************************************** “But I have a specific request!” Brian growled into the phone. “I’m sorry sir but you have a restricted account. I can send someone over but I cannot assure you that it will be individual you requested.” The woman was polite but firm. “Forget it!” Brian slammed down the phone. Weeks. It had been weeks since he’d returned to the city and he’d been unable to find Justin anywhere. It had been a week since he’d kicked Michael to the curb, and still no sign of the blond. Upon his first arriving back he’d staked out the location of the service watching every individual who entered or left the building but weeks later he still hadn’t spotted Justin. He’d called the service time and again but with the restrictions Hamilton had imposed on his account Brian knew they would never willingly let him see Justin again. Brian had tried everything he could think of. He’d used false names, addresses, credit cards, but somehow they seemed to know or perhaps they didn’t know they just weren’t letting Justin out. Standing, he made his way over to the windows and stared down at the busy city beneath him. Somewhere in the mass of bodies was the one he was searching for. He tried not to think about what Justin was doing or what Hamilton was forcing him to do to punish him for Brian’s foolish attempt to save him. Brian cringed inwardly as the guilt flooded him. He’d been so arrogant, so sure of himself. Justin had tried to warn him but Brian had been so fucking sure that he was right and Justin was wrong. He should have listened to Justin. He should have taken him farther away. They should have disappeared. Brian had hoped that seeing the rest of the ‘family’ would somehow show the blond that he was missed and that he always had people who cared for him, but he’d overestimated Michael or perhaps underestimated him. He’d never believed Michael could be cruel but now he found it was not only a belief but a confirmed fact. A fact that Justin lived with every night and he found himself struggling with every day. “Brian?” Cynthia appeared in his door. He didn’t look back but instead continued to stare down. He knew he had been moody since his return and that Cynthia was concerned. He had no idea how to explain it. How could he admit to anyone that he wasn’t the cold hearted bastard he claimed to be and was instead in love with an 18 year old blond who was lost in the city that never sleeps? “I have the tickets for the fund raiser. You are supposed to meet Mr. Ketterly there.” Brian heard her place the ticket on his desk. “He won’t be looking for you. It’s one of those things.” Brian knew all about those things. Chance meetings that had been orchestrated for weeks so that a potential client just happened to meet or reconnect with a partner of an up and coming ad agency. He sighed wishing he had heard something from the detective. Where ever Hamilton had Justin, he had him under tight wraps. Brian tried not to consider it but he knew there was a very good chance he would never see the blond again. *************************************** He’d only been allowed out of the building once in the last six weeks. It had been late at night and Hamilton had forced him to use the rear exit. He’d been escorted like a child to the hotel, up to the room and then the goon had waited outside the door until Justin had finished. He sat in his room wishing he were back in his apartment. He knew the cameras were on him at all times now. He knew Hamilton probably sat in his room jacking off to the tapes of him in the shower or undressing for bed. Justin sighed and flopped back on his bed. The door in the main room opened and Hamilton entered. “Get dressed.” He tossed a tux on the bed. Justin didn’t move. “Did you hear me?” Hamilton growled. “Why, am I going somewhere?” Justin asked wearily. Hamilton reached for him and painfully pulled him to his feet. “You are going to escort a Mr. Mark Ketterly to a charity event tonight. He’s a repeat.” Hamilton pushed him toward the shower. “Want to come in and watch close up instead of just using the tape?” Justin asked bitterly. “If Ketterly hadn’t put in a special request for you, I’d make you pay for that remark, so watch your fucking mouth!” He spat. Justin ignored him and headed into the shower. He let the water wash over him and stayed in until the water turned cold hoping Hamilton would be gone when he emerged. Drying himself he headed back out and found that the plan had worked. He fingered the tux noting it was an Armani. It made him think of Brian and he tried to picture the man wearing it. He missed Brian more each day. He’d hoped that time would somehow make it easier but instead it seemed to only make it more difficult. He knew now that it was over. Brian would never forgive him for walking out like that. He wouldn’t understand why Justin had been forced to come back. He wondered if Brian had any idea how much he loved him. He dressed and then slowly headed down to the lobby area. He was sure that Hamilton was already waiting for him there. He wasn’t disappointed. There was another man with him. He was older and vaguely familiar. It had to be Ketterly. “Taylor.” The man greeted him his eyes lingering over the tight slim body. Justin played along ignoring the look and instead giving a similar one to the man. He was handsome and from what Justin remembered kind enough. He was a little gruff, but wasn’t the type to get off by beating his partner bloody. For that, Justin was truly grateful. The blond gave him a smile as Hamilton moved between them. “Mr. Ketterly has graciously invited you to spend the night in his suite. I told him you would be more than happy to accept his invitation. Someone will be there in the morning to pick you up. Do NOT leave until your escort arrives.” Hamilton warned. “I’d hate to think where you might be and have to send someone to look for you.” The threat was obvious and Justin nodded but still refused to look Hamilton in the eye. He refused to give the man the satisfaction. “Well let’s go.” Ketterly purred reaching for the blond and pulling him against his body. Justin tensed then fell into the well rehearsed posture, leaning into the man’s body and allowing him to take the lead. He fucking hated his life. He hated the men, the demands, the pain, and the shame that accompanied every moment of every day. He’d always considered himself a survivor but since returning to New York he’d started having thoughts he’d never imagined; thoughts that were equally frightening and at the same time liberating. He’d desperately needed a sign of hope. He needed a reason to hang on. As the car pulled up in front of the hotel he felt himself being pulled into a deep and passionate kiss. “I don’t kiss.” Justin tried to explain it was a new and firm rule. “For what I’m paying Taylor, you’ll kiss whatever I want.” Ketterly made his point clear as his fingers dug painfully into Justin’s arm. Justin knew he couldn’t afford any issues with Hamilton as his mouth was taken again, so much for new rules. As the man pressed his advantage, Justin submitted fighting the instinct to wretch as the man’s tongue explored him over and over again. *************************************** These events were boring. They were always boring. The food sucked, the music was lame and the entertainment and speeches were tedious. Brian looked around for another waiter, needing a fourth glass of champagne. He had kept his eyes open for Ketterly, but so far he’d been a no show. Brian was about to give up when he heard the man’s name mentioned. He politely inquired of the man speaking and learned that Ketterly was in the next room. Brian moved in that direction gearing himself up for the push. When he entered the room he froze. He noticed Ketterly only a second before noting the blond by his side. Brian felt the room shift and grabbed the door way to steady himself. Justin was here. After all these long weeks, he was here in the same room. Brian tried to assess the situation. He wondered how he might get the blond alone to speak to him, but before he could devise a plan the older man spotted him. “Brian Kinney, imagine seeing you here.” The man crowed. Brian met Justin’s gaze and wasn’t sure what emotion he found there. Justin seemed shocked and joyful, but at the same time wary. Brian wondered if his eyes were revealing his feelings as well. “Mark.” Brian greeted. “And who is this?” Brian asked noting Justin. “This is Taylor.” Mark gave Brian a look that made Brian’s skin crawl. “He’s my friend for the night.” The man winked. Brian noted out of the corner of his eye that Justin had looked away and now appeared to be wishing he could disappear. “Well then how do I merit an invitation?” Brian teased. “Oh no not this time Kinney.” Ketterly laughed. “The last time we did that you wound up with the men and I sat drunk on the sofa.” Brian wasn’t sure what he was doing. The thought of watching Ketterly with Justin was more than Brian could stand and yet he needed an opportunity to see Justin alone. “Let’s get a drink. We need to talk about your advertising.” Brian admitted. “Trying to get me drunk then sign on the dotted line?” Ketterly asked, his attention now focused on Justin. He leaned into the blond and kissed him. Justin gave the older man a seductive smile as they pulled apart. Brian was amazed by how convincing Justin was. He fought off the jealous voice inside his head that suggested that Justin wasn’t acting. “Nonsense.” Brian argued. “I’d be doing you a favor. I don’t have to get you drunk. “ “Well that’s true. I should have signed with you the last time.” Ketterly turned his attention back to the tall brunet. “I let my ego get in the way.” Brian started looking for a waiter. “Taylor,” Ketterly’s voice got both men’s attention. “Go fetch Brian and I something to drink. You may have something yourself.” Justin’s face reddened. He hated that Brian was witnessing yet another humiliating moment in his life. He nodded shyly. Brian watched him go. He pressed his advantage. “He’s hot.” Brian noted. “Damn right he is. I had him a couple of months back. Best fuck I ever had.” The older man licked his lips. Brian felt his fist clench and fought the urge to punch out the old asshole. He took a deep breath and released it before replying. “It’s rude not to share.” Brian quipped. “I might be willing to if you promise not to monopolize him and if you give me a discount rate on your work.” He glanced over. Brian fought his own disgust as he realized that the old fuck was using Justin as a bargaining chip to further his business interest. Brian knew he had no choice. “Sounds like a reasonable offer, but I get him first.” Brian looked over and watched the man debate his offer. Ketterly watched as the blond negotiated the crowd. “I don’t know. “ He admitted. “I was really looking forward to that.” The man’s conflict was evident on his face. “Why don’t we share him?” Justin arrived at that moment. Brian wasn’t sure how to explain to the blond that he was merely trying to get some time alone with him. “I don’t like to share.” Brian tried to get that idea out of the man’s mind. “Well me neither but I’m willing to give it a go this time.” He offered running his hand up Justin’s back. “He has a nice cock.” Ketterly advertised trying to seal the deal with Brian. “Feel it. He won’t mind.” Ketterly offered casually. Justin clenched his jaw then looked deep into Brian’s eyes pleading for him not to do it. Brian gave him a reassuring look in return. “Not necessary.” Brian assured him. “It’s a deal.” He accepted wanting to spare Justin any further public humiliation. He just hoped he would be able to spare him private humiliation as well.