Lost chapter 8


David eyed Justin as he came down the stairs trailing Vic. Brian followed the older man’s gaze and felt something deep in his gut clinch. He pushed up off of the couch and moved to intercept Justin. 

“Hey.” Brian greeted him. “Where you’d go?”

“Paris.” Justin quipped walking past Brian still following Vic. Brian gazed over in David’s direction and noticed that the man was still obviously lusting after Brian’s blond. 

Brian smirked then headed over to where David was sitting. 

“Where’s Mikey?” He asked as he leaned down closer to the doctor. 

“He went up with Deb to look for some old game or something.” David replied sharply. 

“He’s a little young for you, don’t you think?” Brian pressed following David’s gaze. “Besides the only way you could get a piece of ass like Justin’s would be to pay for it.” Brian had thought that his words would get a reaction from the older man. 

David looked up at Brian with a knowing look in his eyes. He seemed unfazed and confident as he pushed off the couch to go get another piece of cake. He smirked at Brian leaning in just enough so that Brian would be the only person who could hear what he had to say. 

“You’re right Brian, but then again I bet lots of men have paid money for that ass.” He continued on to the kitchen where Justin and Vic were talking with Emmett and Ted. Brian felt cold fingers stretch up his spine as he fought the shudder than ran through his body. David knew. He wasn’t sure how but David knew. If David knew it was only a matter of time before Michael knew and once Michael knew everyone would know. 

Brian watched as David reached out and touched the small of Justin’s back throwing a look back over his shoulder meeting Brian’s gaze once more. The blond flinched at the man’s touch but Brian couldn’t tell if it was voluntary or involuntary. It didn’t really matter. Justin seemed edgy around the good doctor. Brian wondered if David had said anything to Justin? Maybe he’d tried to have a heart to heart with the blond while he and Michael had been down at the bar. It was just like the good doc to meddle where he wasn’t wanted. Brian tried to figure out what it was that David knew, but realized he would never figure it out. 

He followed a similar path that David had, but veered away from the table, opting to hop up onto the kitchen counter instead. As he settled himself back against the cabinet doors he reached out, snagging the back of Justin’s shirt hepulled the smaller man back away from David’s constantly seeking hands. 

“Hands off Doc.” Brian smiled. His tone was teasing but both he and David knew that he wasn’t kidding. “You’re a married man.” Justin was grateful that Brian had pulled him away from the other man. 

“What’s going on?” Michael asked from the bottom of the stairs. Brian now had Justin safely ensconced between his thighs his head resting on top of the blonde’s. His arms possessively around him. Justin glanced up at Michael then back down at the ground, his hands coming up instinctively to rub on Brian’s thighs at his sides. Brian moved his hands to cover the blonds holding them along the tops of his thighs. He could already feel his cock responding as he was sure Justin could as well. His erection pressed into the small of the other man’s back. 

“Just talking about the virtues of marriage.” Brian quipped. “Security, Stability, Fidelity.” Brian cocked his head with his tongue in his cheek as he surveyed the doc. 

Justin felt nervous. He really hated Brian baiting David this way. He felt the urge to bolt from the room. He looked up, his gaze finding Vic’s. He realized that the man was looking from David to Justin. Justin swallowed his fear but shivered slightly anyway. 

“You cold?” Brian asked. 

“Yeah.” Justin mumbled. “I’m going to go put on a sweater.” He replied softly releasing Brian’s legs and pulling out of his grip. He excused himself from the room and headed upstairs. Brian furrowed his brow then met Vic’s gaze as well. There was something there that he was missing. He would have to talk to the older man again and soon.

**********************************

Justin never returned, but no one seemed to notice as the group moved into the living room. Brian noticed though and after spending a little time with his son made his own excuses and headed up to bed. Deb had kept Vic busy all night with first one game and then another. Brian knew he was taking Justin back to the clinic in the morning so he’d have to try to catch Vic after lunch. 

As he opened the door he was surprised to see that Justin was awake. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth as he slowly closed the door behind him. Justin was staring out the window with his back to the older man. 

“You must have been really cold down there.” Brian stated as he removed his shirt and tossed it to the floor. Justin didn’t reply. Brian sat on the edge of the bed watching the man. For the first time since he’d found Justin, Brian found himself questioning whether he should have gotten involved. “We have to go back to the clinic tomorrow.” He stated wondering if that would get a response.

“Did you really come looking for me?” Justin asked his voice distant as he continued to stare out of the window. Brian removed one boot and tossed it aside then the other before replying. 

“Yes.” He laid back and unbuttoned the top button of his jeans then continued with the others until he was sliding them down his hips. 

“Why?” Justin asked this time turning to give the man a hesitant gaze. 

“You had my credit card.” Brian replied and watched as the boy nodded and turned back to the window. Brian silently cursed his own need to protect himself as he stood and moved up behind Justin. He placed his hands on the smaller man’s hips as if holding him in place. “I was worried about you.” His voice was husky in Justin’s ear. 

“I missed you Brian.” Justin offered. The sorrow in his voice made it impossible for Brian to reply for a moment. 

“I missed you too.” He finally whispered. 

“Really? Or is that just something to say?” Justin turned his eyes searching Brian’s. Brian let him search until the blonde was fully satisfied that Brian was being honest. “Did you catch a lot of shit over me?” Justin looked down then back up. Brian rolled his eyes.

“What do you think?” He replied. “Your mom called and bitched me out, Deb had me on a daily reaming schedule, not to mention the occasional jab from the boys and your best friend.” 

“Daphne?” Justin asked smiling. “Yeah I can see her hunting you down. How is she?” 

“Crazy.” Brian replied his tone serious which caused Justin to smirk. 

“Yeah, she is.” He admitted. “But I love her.” He turned back to the window. 

“She graduated huh?” Brian wanted to keep Justin talking. It had seemed that for the last day or so the man had been pulling away again. 

“Yeah, I mean I guess.” Justin added. “I never thought I would be a drop out.” He stated, the disgust with himself evident. 

“Then finish.” Brian offered moving to his suitcase and pulling out a bag of what had to be the best pot in New York. He quickly rolled a joint and then headed back to the window. Lighting up he handed it to Justin. He was disturbed to see how easily the boy took to it. Before he’d left for New York, Justin would always sputter and cough on the first hit, but now he seemed as seasoned as Brian. 

“I guess I could get my GED.” He replied. 

“You could.” Brian agreed taking another drag. 

“That would certainly help my resume. As it is all it states is work experience: whore.” He took the joint from Brian and inhaled long and deep holding the smoke far longer than the other man had. 

“Justin—“ Brian wasn’t sure what he should say. 

“Don’t.” Justin warned him. “I am what I am. I did what I did. Vic said there was no crime in surviving, but I have to tell you, it feels like I really didn’t survive.” Brian reached for the smoke but Justin took another hit before handing it over. 

“Look at you.” Brian stated holding the smoke in as he spoke. “You’re here. You survived.” He exhaled on the words.

“No.” Justin shook his head as he turned and headed for bed throwing his clothes off as he moved. “Someone else survived. Justin died after the first blow job.” He mumbled as he slid between the sheets. “You wanna fuck me?” He asked meeting Brian’s gaze. Brian shook his head as he watched Justin roll on this side and slip off to sleep. 

The longer he was with the blond the more he too wondered if Justin had survived. 

***************************************

Brian awoke, unsure what had pulled him from his slumber. He blinked rapidly to try and clear the sleep from his eyes. He tried to sit up but couldn’t. He tried to move his arms and legs and they wouldn’t budge. He lifted his head and looked around. The room was totally black; no glow from the moon outside or the alarm clock on the nightstand. He opened his mouth to speak, and though the words were formed he didn’t hear any sound escape his lips. Brian tipped his head to the side, trying to ascertain if Justin was with him, but he knew the blond wasn’t there. He couldn’t hear the soft breathing, but more importantly Justin wasn’t touching him.

Brian ran a mental inventory on himself, trying to remember what had happened earlier in the evening; trying to think what he took that would have caused the paralysis that he was experiencing but his mind came up with nothing.

Slowly and without any warning, a soft bluish white light began to glow above the bed, illuminating the surrounding area and allowing Brian to see his circumstances. He was lain back on the bed, head propped up by pillows, legs stretched out and spread slightly and arms off to the side, but he couldn’t see more than a few feet from the bed, it was as if he was on an island, surrounded by nothingness.

Brian felt the bed move, he focused his attention towards the movement and saw Justin slowly crawling towards him, reminding Brian of a panther stalking his prey. Justin kept his eyes on Brian’s hazel ones, not breaking contact, finally coming to stop with his head hovering over Brian’s crotch.

Brian tried to speak, but once again his voice failed him. In response Justin just shook his head and gave a gentle “shush” before lowering his head to Brian’s sheet covered crotch and rubbing his face against the fabric covered bulge.

Brian’s head fell back against the pillows as he let himself take pleasure from the blond’s gentle caresses. When he no longer felt Justin touching him, Brian brought his head back up and looked at Justin’s blinding smile.

Justin pulled the sheet down slowly and seductively, again keeping his eyes focused on Brian’s until the older man’s cock was no longer hidden. Justin gently took Brian’s member into his mouth and began long slow tugs and licks.

Brian tossed his head back, mouth agape but unable to vocalize the pleasure he was feeling.

Brian felt the bed shift again; he lifted his head and saw David crawling on his knees to come up behind Justin. Justin took notice of the man only briefly before focusing back on Brian’s dripping cock.

Brian watched in confusion and anger as David positioned himself behind Justin, gripped the blond’s slim hips and thrust into him. Justin winced and groaned around Brian’s dick, but didn’t stop his ministrations. David began long hard thrusts that traveled through Justin’s body to the blond’s mouth, allowing Brian to feel each thrust of the man as he took Justin.

Brian tried to object but couldn’t. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t move, the only thing he could do was lie still and watch as another man took Justin. Perhaps what was worse, was that the blond didn’t object, didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop what was happening to him.

Something caught Brian’s attention off to the side of the bed. A soft light began to glow, revealing someone standing. Brian couldn’t make out the identity of the person. The loud guttural roar of David as he came brought Brian’s attention back to the bed. He watched as David, eyes closed and gripping Justin tightly, continued to fuck the blond through his orgasm. Moments later, the doctor crawled off the bed and disappeared.

Brian saw the solitary figure off to the side; move, disappearing into the shadows before reappearing on the bed. Brian saw the naked man with a stiff cock but couldn’t recognize him. The man climbed on the bed and angrily thrust into Justin, replicating the same actions as David had only moments earlier. Once again, Justin seemed oblivious to what was happening to his ass as he continued to suck on Brian’s cock.

Brian wanted nothing more than to make this all end. He leaned his head back and squeezed his eyes shut tightly trying to get the images out of his mind when he felt and saw through his closed eyelids a powerful light. He opened his eyes and tipped his head, startled at what he saw. There was a line of naked men stretching on into the darkness, all waiting for their turn with Justin.

Brian felt the scream in his throat but this time heard it ripped from his mouth as he bolted up in his bed. Justin woke next to him.

“Brian?” His sleep filled voice called softly in the darkness. It was too dark. Brian felt it closing in from his dream and he refused to leave the blond unprotected. He reached for Justin and pulled him into his arms. “What is it?” Justin asked still trying to wake himself enough to know where he was and what was going on. 

“Justin.” Brian whispered amazed at the emotion that choked his words. He could see the long line and the violence of the second man taking Justin in one thrust, the possessive way David had held him and forced him to submit and ride out his orgasm. “Justin.” He whispered again. 

“What Brian?” Justin cleared his throat still feeling confused. He felt Brian’s hard cock stabbing into his side and deducted that the man had changed his mind. “You change your mind? You wanna fuck me now?” Justin rolled over onto his stomach giving his customer what he thought he wanted. 

Brian recoiled pushing Justin roughly away. “No.” He spat moving quickly out of bed and grabbing up his clothes. “Is that your answer to everything?” Brian asked. Justin gave the man a confused look.

“No, I thought it was yours.” He replied watching as Brian threw on his clothes and started searching for his shoes. “Where are you going?” He asked. 

“None of your fucking business.” Justin merely shrugged. He was too tired to give a shit or so he thought as he heard Brian crash into a small table. “Shit.” He spat as he reached for his shin. Justin bit back his laughter as he sat up and headed over to the light. He flipped on the lamp then stood watching the man who was now sitting in a chair cradling his leg. 

“Need some ice?” Justin asked still keeping his distance. 

“No.” Brian replied his voice softer now as he started considering his dream. He looked over at Justin considering how helpless he’d felt during his dream and how helpless the young man must have felt all these past months. It wasn’t fair. A part of Brian wanted to yell at the man, scream at him, tell him how fucking disappointed he was that he had chosen to swallow some stranger’s dick instead of swallowing his pride and coming back home. 

“What?” Justin finally asked feeling uncomfortable under Brian’s intense scrutiny. 

“Why Justin?” Brian asked. “Why didn’t you just come home?” He asked wearily. Justin huffed softly then turned and headed back to bed. As he slid back under the blanket he softly replied.

“Because I didn’t have home to come back to.” Justin rolled away from Brian and feigned sleep until he heard the bedroom door softly open then close.

***********************************

Brian had headed for the bar only to discover that it was closed. He then decided to just sit out in the freezing air on the porch thinking about his dream. He wasn’t sure what had bothered him the most, his own helplessness or Justin’s resigned acceptance of his position or the fact that Dr. David had been one of the many men taking advantage of the blonde’s position. The thought of David touching Justin filled Brian with a blinding rage. He hated the idea of the good doctor touching his best friend, let alone whatever the fuck Justin was in his life. 

Brian tried to think about what it was that the blond really was to him, but no good term came to mind. He was more than a friend, less than a lover. There was no fucking way he was about to call him his partner. He’d never really known what to do with Justin and that problem seemed to be getting amplified with time instead of resolved. 

“Brian?” Lindsay’s voice called him from the door. Brian looked over. “It’s freezing out here. Come inside. I’m just getting Gus’ first bottle.” She stated. Brian rose shivering with the cold and headed inside the house. “What were you doing out there?” She asked softly handing the baby over to the man. Gus immediately reached for his mother when he felt how cold the man was. 

“I’ll get his bottle. When did you stop breast feeding?” He asked.

“When I went back to work.” She replied. He winced. He’d been unable to offer much financial support after the Kip Thomas debacle. Brian handed her the bottle. “Everything okay with Justin?” She asked. 

Brian shrugged. “I thought I heard people up.” Michael came into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. He had on his spider man pajamas causing Brian and Lindsay to exchange a look. 

“Anyone want some Count Chocula?” Michael asked as he poured himself a bowl. 

“I’m headed back to bed.” Brian announced. Lindsay gave him an encouraging smile. 

Michael furrowed his brow. “You’ve been up all night?” He asked. “Justin must be a terrible bed partner.” 

“No, I am.” Brian admitted moving up the stairs. 

“Everything okay?” Michael asked Lindsay, clearly concerned. 

“I don’t think so Michael. I think they have a lot to work out. Justin seems so closed off. He’s so different.” She placed Gus on her shoulder and began burping him. 

“He’s the same spoiled little shit he always was.” Michael complained. “I just wish I were going to be in New York to keep him away from Brian.” 

“I think he’s good for Brian.” Lindsay challenged. 

“You don’t know what’s good for Brian then.” Michael announced. “He’s a free agent. He doesn’t like anyone holding him back or down. He likes to be on his own, like a lion on the prowl.” Michael smiled. 

“I think he’s lonely.” Lindsay replied. “Are you lonely Michael? You don’t seem too happy in Portland.” 

“Its okay. I just feel sorta left out.” He admitted.

“But if you were in New York then—“ Lindsay began before being interrupted.

“Well then Brian and I could do all these cool things together and maybe go to some clubs..” Michael enthused then caught himself. “But I’m not in New York. I’m in Portland.” 

“That’s right.” She sighed. “You are, with David.” Lindsay gave him a knowing smile then decided to continue feeding Gus upstairs. 

******************************

Brian entered the bedroom quietly and slipped out of his clothes. He knew he should take a shower to warm up first but didn’t want to. Instead he slipped between the cool sheets and lay on his side watching the beautiful blond sleeping peacefully beside him. 

He wanted to be mad at Justin but Justin had been right to some degree. Where the hell would he have returned to? His house, where Craig had already laid down the law? He could have crawled back to the loft but how much shit would he have had to have eaten there? He’d felt he had no choice and maybe he was right. Besides, Brian knew better than to blame the victim. It was the oldest mistake in the book and yet it seemed so much easier. After all so many people had failed the blonde. It was far easier to pin the blame on Justin than to start pointing fingers at everyone else, including himself. 

Justin shifted and his eyes fluttered open. 

“Good morning.” Brian greeted. Justin gave him a small smile. He reached over and then quickly withdrew his hand. 

“You’re freezing.” Justin announced. 

“No shit, really?” Brian asked tongue in cheek. 

“Come here.” Justin reached for him and pulled him into his warm embrace. “Shit, your feet are like ice.” 

“You body was always so warm.” Brian murmured enjoying how quickly the small furnace was warming up his appendages. 

“I didn’t mean to get so pissed last night. I had this stupid dream and it just …well…I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” Brian explained. 

“What did you dream?” Justin asked shifting so that he could wrap his legs around Brian’s trying to warm the longer legs with his smaller ones.

“It was stupid.” Brian stated. 

“What?” Justin persisted his voice still heavy with sleep. 

“I dreamed you were giving me head while Dr. Dave was fucking you.” Justin pulled back suddenly fully awake and furrowing his brow. He studied Brian for a moment before closing his eyes and burying his head into Brian’s neck. “Stupid dream huh?” Brian asked feeling uncertain. 

“Maybe its what you want.” Justin whispered his breath hot in Brian’s ear. 

“I want David to fuck you?” Brian spat. “No fucking way. In his wet dreams. Besides there’s no way you’d ever sink that low. Right?” He felt the small body tense in his arms then relax. 

“I wasn’t talking about that part of the dream.” Justin avoided the question. “I was thinking about the part involving you.” Brian felt Justin’s hand lower until the younger man found his last frozen appendage.

It took all of Brian willpower to reach down and stop the blond from stroking his already stiff dick. 

“No, it’s not what I want.” Brian lied. “We have to go to the clinic in a bit. Let’s just doze for an hour then we can head out.” He mumbled keeping his arms around Justin’s body. Finally warm, he drifted off unaware that Justin lay trapped with a terrible secret. 

**************************************

The clinic was busier than it had been on Saturday. Brian and Justin sat waiting for over an hour before the nurse finally called Justin back. Brian couldn’t help but notice how nervous Justin seemed about the test. He had tried to reassure the blond that it was no big deal. Just a recheck to see how he was healing, but still Justin continued to nervously thumb through one magazine after another. 

When they called Justin’s name, Brian followed them past the exam room and headed straight for the doctor’s office. Taking the same chair he had occupied on Saturday he sat waiting patiently, albeit a little nervously for the men to appear. Justin entered first. He seemed incredibly subdued spiking Brian’s concern further. 

“Did he give you any of your blood test results?” Brian asked trying to gage Justin’s subdued almost defensive attitude. 

“I’m anemic and negative.” Brian breathed a sigh of relief. “I told you I was negative.” Justin spat. “You just didn’t believe me.” Brian shook his head. He wasn’t going to argue with the blond. All it took was one infected trick and a moment of carelessness and negative was suddenly positive. 

The doctor entered and Brian watched as Justin retreated further behind his walls. 

“Well I guess Justin told you about the good news on the HIV front. He’s negative, all the STD tests were negative.” The doctor continued to scan the blood work. “No Hepatitis. Just fairly anemic.” He glanced up in concern. “That coupled with your being so underweight, I’m going to see about getting you a B12 shot before you leave today.” Justin sighed then glanced away. “Also the tears were no better but that is to be expected since you both disregarded by recommendation.” He glanced up. “I really need at least a 24 hours period of abstinence in order to get a clean swipe.” He looked from Justin to Brian then back to Justin. 

Justin could feel Brian’s eyes boring a hole into the side of his face. He refused to look over and instead merely leveled his gaze on the doctor. “Let’s get that shot set up.” The doctor offered then rose from the desk. “I’ll be right back.” He moved around the desk and out the door. Justin continued to stare straight ahead though he knew that Brian’s eyes were still targeted on his profile. 

Brian couldn’t believe his ears. Justin had been with someone else in the last two days, but who? Only the blond knew and Brian had every intention of finding out. 

“Need some money?” Brian asked growing irritated by Justin’s stoic reaction. 

“No thanks I’ve got some.” Justin replied. 

“I just bet you do.” Brian replied hotly. “They get their money’s worth?” 

“Actually the fucker stiffed me for most of it. He’s an asshole.” Justin continued to memorize the doctor’s diploma. 

“Well some guys are assholes. They can’t be trusted.” That got a reaction as Justin’s head turned quickly hot baby blues connecting to seething hazels. 

“Yeah, some guys are assholes.” Justin spat. 

“Who was it Justin?” Brian asked. “And why?” 

“Why the fuck do you care?” Justin shot back. 

“I’m trying to save you from that shit.” Brian declared. 

“Then where the hell were you six months ago, asshole.” Justin ground out. “Too busy with your own precious life to give a shit about whatever happened to that kid who thought he was in love with you? Fuck. You.” He turned refusing to consider the man anymore. 

“Who Justin?” Brian demanded already running through the suspects. In his gut he knew but he needed Justin to admit it. “Tell me!” He demanded. 

“You already have it all figured out, what the fuck do you care who it was?” He replied. The doctor entered. The tension in the room was thick as the doctor asked Justin to return to the exam room to receive his shot. 

Brian rose and headed for the waiting area. He’d taken a chance on Justin. He’d brought him back to the people who cared for him and what was his thanks? Justin fucking the good doctor for some extra cash on the side. Brian felt humiliated and outraged. He thought about the looks David had been giving him, the smug over confident bravado. 

Brian clinched his jaw as he moved. The thought of David touching Justin let alone fucking him filled Brian will a fury he’d never felt before. He didn’t need this shit, not six months ago and certainly not now. He paused for a moment as he considered waiting for the young man, but then realized that Justin as able to take care of himself. He pushed through the door and never stopped until he pulled up in front of Deb and Vic’s place alone. 

If Justin needed a ride home he could give the good doctor a call. Brian had given it his best shot and failed. Let the good doctor reform the little hustler. When it came to the blond from this point on Brian was done.

“Where’s Justin?” Deb asked as he started up the stairs. Brian refused to answer as he continued up to their room. 

************************************