Lost - 7

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Justin heard the man cry out and knew his work was done for the afternoon. He waited for the good doctor to pull out before he rose from the bed and reached for his clothes. Another day. Another fuck. He thought. It was his life’s philosophy. He lived by it and had for several months now. It somehow kept the reality at bay. No big deal. Just a fuck. 

“I want my money.” Justin stated as he zipped up. 

“It’s in my wallet.” David huffed still trying to get his breathing back under control. He’d planned on fucking Justin within an inch of his life, just to prove his point, but instead had found it hard to keep up with the blond. 

“Get it.” Justin ordered. 

“Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t.” David threatened. Justin set his jaw, blue eyes burning into the man. 

“Give me my fucking money!” He yelled. David furrowed his brow. 

“Fine. I was just teasing.” David replied rising off of the bed. Justin knew better. He’d been stiffed before when he had been working the streets. The service collected now so he was out of practice and had forgotten to demand payment up front. 

“I only have two hundred.” David admitted.

“You mother fucker.” Justin spat as stared at the bills David was offering him. 

“It’s all I have. Take it or leave it.” Justin snatched the bills hating the feel of them in his hands. He made his way out of the room. He wanted to be as far away from Michael’s asshole boyfriend as he could get. “Justin.” The man called. Justin paused, refusing to look back. “I might be needing a little more attention before the week is out.” Justin’s shoulders slumped at his own stupidity as he continued out of the room.

***************************

“So what did you do to keep yourself busy without me?” Michael asked kissing David solidly on the mouth. David watched as Brian moved past them rolling his eyes. David met his gaze and held it defiantly. Brian refused to let the man get to him as he headed up to his room. 

“Oh this and that.” David admitted setting his book aside. 

“It’s freezing!” Deb’s voice filled the house as she entered. “David, did you have a nice afternoon?” She asked setting some grocery sacks on the table near the door. 

“Very nice.” David smiled casually, enjoying the secret he shared only with the blond upstairs. He felt certain that he had nothing to fear. Justin wouldn’t dare squeal. He was too worried that his friends would find out how far he’d sunk in order to survive. Michael kissed David once more and the older man couldn’t help but compare it to the one he had forced on Justin during their encounter. The blond had resisted but David had him at no less that 40 pounds. It hadn’t taken much to overpower the younger man.

“Brian and I went down to the bar Vic told us about.” Michael offered, hoping to throw off any speculation about the afternoon he had just shared with Brian. 

“A bar?” Deb asked sarcastically. “Brian?” 

“It was a far cry from Woody’s.” Michael admitted. “But it was fun. We should all go.” He offered David. David nodded and smiled placating the man. He had no intention of wasting his time in some backwoods gay bar. 

“Let me help you with those.” He offered sweetly, taking the two bags of groceries from Deb’s arms. 

“Thank you David.” She kissed his cheek. “You’re such a gentleman.” 

********************************

Brian entered their room and was surprised to find Justin awake, lying on their bed, staring at the ceiling. 

“Hey.” He offered. Justin didn’t respond for a long moment. Brian moved closer and could tell that the younger man had been crying. “Justin?” He asked.

“Take me home Brian. I want to go back to my apartment.” His voice was soft but determined. 

“Why? I thought things were going okay.” Brian said in bewilderment as he tried to figure out what could have happened in the three hours he and Michael had been gone that made the boy want to go home. 

“I don’t belong here. I need to get back.” Justin replied without emotion. 

“Justin—“ Brian sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t leave.” 

“I can.” Justin’s eyes bore into his own. “Just put me on the train and let me go home.” He stated. “I have the money. I just need a ride back to the station.” 

“What’s happened?” Brian asked, his brow furrowed as he reached for the man. Justin pulled out of his reach. 

“What did you think would happen if you brought me here?” Justin’s eyes returned to the ceiling. “Did you think you would be able to convince me to move back to the Pitts? Did you think I would suddenly see how loved I was and give up my life of crime?” 

“I just wanted you to see that you were missed. I really didn’t have time to think it through.” Brian admitted. “I had to come up here for the birthday bash and right before I left, I found you. What was I suppose to do? Leave you behind?” He asked.

“Yes.” Justin’s eyes locked with Brian’s. “I want to go home.”

“You are home.” Brian replied softly. 

“Yeah until someone gets tired of me being around or I fuck up.” Justin squeezed his eyes shut realizing he’d already done that and it was just a matter of time before Brian found out. He wanted to be gone long before then. 

“Justin that’s not true.” Brian argued but knew how lame it had to sound to the young man. Justin laughed bitterly. 

“Right.” He spat. Brian sighed trying to think of what to do. There was no way he was going to let Justin go back to New York, especially not back to Hamilton. 

“Well, your ass is mine this week so I suggest you figure out a way to survive the rest of our stay. You’re not going anywhere.” He watched as Justin merely closed his eyes, obviously dismissing the brunet. Brian shook his head deciding to go see his son. His conversation with Michael had been a waste and now Justin seemed to be disappearing behind all his old walls again. Surely Gus would be glad to see him. Brian headed out the door leaving Justin alone with his thoughts.

*****************************

The next day was the birthday bash. Lindsay and Melanie got up early, dropping the baby with Brian so that they could fix an elaborate breakfast in bed for both Vic and Deb. This was followed by a day of exploring the various activities around the resort area and then back in the afternoon for the actual birthday dinner, cake and presents. 

“I’m just so glad everyone is here.” Deb beamed as she rose from the table wanting to help the girls clear the dishes. 

“No way.” Michael protested taking the dishes from her hand. “No bussing tables tonight. We’ll leave that to our other expert.” Michael kissed his mother’s cheek. “Get the dishes Justin.” Michael ordered, setting the plate back on the table and leading his mother and Vic into the living area where the presents were waiting. 

Justin rose slowly to do as he was told, stacking the dirty dishes so that he could carry them to the sink. He felt like shit. He hadn’t slept the night before and then all day he had been forced along on the merry trek through the Pocono’s resort. He’d felt David’s eyes on him all day. He hated how they seemed to linger over his body. He felt naked and exposed. At the same time he noticed Brian watching him with concern and what felt like anger. 

Justin carried to first load of dishes to the sink where Melanie took them from him. 

“Are you okay baby?” She asked giving him a small smile. Justin nodded wearily. 

“Just tired. I didn’t sleep last night.” Melanie nodded touching his arm affectionately. “Well let’s just let the dishes sit for the moment and go watch Vic and Deb open their gifts.” Justin nodded.

“I’ll finished stacking what’s left and then be in.” Justin stated then turned back to the table for the last load. He had just placed them in the sink when he felt two arms around his waist and a hot whisper in his ear. 

“Let’s go.” David whispered. Justin tensed. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” He pulled away glancing nervously into the room where the others were. 

“Come on.” David pulled him away from the sink and then into a small bathroom that was located off of the kitchen. Justin clenched his jaw swallowing his anger and an overwhelming sense of helplessness. There was an explosion of laughter from the living room and he glanced in that direction hoping beyond hope that Brian would suddenly appear, discover this torrid little secret and save him somehow. 

Justin knew it was hopeless as David shut the door and pinned him against the wall, the older man’s tongue already invading his mouth. Justin knew it was just a kiss but it felt as though the man was slowly sucking the life out of him.

David finally pulled back and looked into Justin’s blue eyes. The man let his tongue run across his lips, “Mmm,” he moaned. “You taste good.”

Justin just stared through the man, wishing he’d go away and leave him in peace. Another raucous laugh carried through the house and into the bathroom as David turned Justin around and positioned the blond in front of the sink. Justin looked straight ahead, into the mirror, once again shocked by his own reflection.

David leaned against Justin, crushing his legs against the sink cabinet. The man’s hot breath blew into Justin’s ear as he spoke, “Lucky for me Kinney wanted a fuck toy along, huh?”

Justin didn’t respond he just watched the man’s reflection in the mirror as he spoke. He felt David’s hands come around to the front of his waist and begin to unfasten his jeans, within seconds he felt a burst of cold air as his pants and underwear were all but ripped off. Justin heard David unzip his own jeans and the familiar sound of a condom wrapper being fumbled with. Another moment later and David shoved his shoulder down closer to the sink; Justin grabbed each edge of the counter to steady himself. With little preparation he felt David’s dick slide into him. Justin bit back a yelp of pain and squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting David to see that hurt he’d caused. Justin took comfort in the fact that it could have been worse; fortunately for him David didn’t have a very big dick.

Regaining control of his emotions, and adjusting to the not too graceful intrusion, Justin looked at his face in the mirror and wondered exactly what it was that he’d done that caused him to wind up in this position. Was it not telling his parents sooner that he was gay? Was it payment for his father’s anger and hatred? Or perhaps it was for all the shit he’d caused Brian? He didn’t know. He allowed his eyes to find David’s, but the older man’s were closed as he continued to roughly pound Justin against the sink.

Justin knew from their previous experience that David was getting close, his thrusts had increased in speed and grew shorter, and the man’s mouth hung open slightly. Mere seconds later the man grunted as he spent himself into the latex up Justin’s ass.

David quickly withdrew; leaving Justin slumped over the sink. He tossed away the evidence and left the bathroom, not bothering to say anything to the blond.

Justin continued to stare at his reflection until he was sure that his legs would support his weight. He finally stood and pulled his underwear and pants back up. He wiped the few stray tears away, and wanted nothing more than to get up to the bedroom.

He stepped out of the bathroom, intending to go upstairs, but he heard Michael’s voice. “You’re still cleaning this shit up? It’s amazing they keep you around, you’re slower than molasses in January.” Michael said snidely.

Justin accepted the chastising quietly and as soon as Michael was out of the kitchen, Justin took care of the few dishes that remained, before slinking up the stairs.

*******************************

Michael had just entered the living area again when Brian glanced around the room. 

“Where’s Justin?” He asked as he watched Michael settle himself on the arm of the couch next to David. 

“He’s too good for a stupid birthday party. He finished the dishes and headed upstairs.” Michael spat his irritation evident. Brian handed the baby over to Lindsay without a word then headed up the stairs. 

“Brian.” Vic’s voice halted his progress. “Let me. I know he’s the one who picked out my gift.” He gave Brian a playful wink. “Let me thank him.” Brian conceded returning to the living area. He wasn’t sure what to do about Justin. While they had been shopping he’d watched as glimpses of the old Justin had peeked out. He’d felt hopeful about the blond recovery, but now it was as if Justin was more distant than he’d been when they first arrived. 

David watched the emotions that played over Brian’s face. He enjoyed the display immensely. Usually Brian kept a disinterested mask on, but now it was obvious he was very interested and concerned about Justin. David shivered as he remembered the feeling of the blonde’s tight ass around his cock only minutes before. 

“David are you okay?” Michael asked. “Are you cold? You shivered.” 

“I’m good.” Brian glanced over and met David’s eyes. David offered a small smug smile which Brian returned then topped up a notch. 

“Mikey, let’s hit the bar tonight.” Brian gave his friend an affectionate smile. Michael returned it enthusiastically. 

“Great.” Michael replied. “You can come to.” He leaned down kissing David. “And Em and Ted.” He offered. 

“Well might as well.” Em replied wearily. “Can’t be much worse than a tenth round of Trivial Pursuit.” 

“You’re just sore because I’ve beat you every time.” Ted smirked arrogantly. 

“Well duh.” Emmett replied. “Who the fuck would know any of that shit? The only category that’s easy is Entertainment. That have all those different editions of the game, why don’t they have a gay edition.” He took another bite of the birthday cake rolling his eyes as he did so. 

********************************

There was a light knock on the door. Justin ignored it but Vic cracked the door open and stood quietly watching the younger man as he stood staring out of the window. 

“You’re missing the birthday cake.” The younger man looked down turning slightly profile but failed to turn completely and look at the man. 

“I’m not hungry.” Justin said. “You should be down there.” He offered wanting to be alone. 

“I’m not hungry either and so should you.” Vic moved closer. He’d lived in New York for years. He’d seen his share of rent boys even purchased a few before he discovered he was infected. Justin’s eyes held the same world-weary ache that all the other boy’s had possessed. 

“Vic, I really just want to be alone.” Justin continued to look out the window keeping his back to the man. 

“Even in a room full of people, I think you’re still alone, aren’t you Justin?” That got a reaction as the blonde tensed for a moment. Vic decided to press his luck. “You know we all do things that we aren’t proud of. It doesn’t change who we are.” Justin laughed softly in response but there was no humor in it. Vic furrowed his brow wondering what tact to take. Clearing his throat he moved closer until he was standing next to the boy gazing out at the melting snow. “Does it bother you that I’m HIV positive?” He asked still gazing straight ahead. 

Justin furrowed his brow then shook his head. “Of course not. You can’t help it.” Vic seized the opportunity as he felt Justin’s eyes on his face. He turned and held those eyes trying to convey his sincerity with a look.

“That’s right and you couldn’t you either.” Justin’s eyes widened as he realized that somehow Vic knew. 

“Who told you?” Justin asked softly his tone hard and accusatory. Vic remained calm and unwavering in his compassion. 

“No one.” He replied looking back out of the window. “I know the look. I’ve seen it before.” Justin swallowed hard then looked ahead. 

“I just never thought I would stoop to—“

“Surviving?” Vic looked back and Justin met his gaze once more. “There’s nothing shameful about surviving. We all do things we have to, things we never thought we would, in the name of surviving. Its not a crime to live in spite of what cards you’ve been dealt.” 

“Feels like it.” Justin mumbled. 

“Brian cares for you, Justin.” Vic stated he wasn’t surprised to hear the same disbelieving laugh as before but he refused to be dissuaded. “He does, whether you believe it or not. You managed to bring out in him feelings that honest to God terrified him. That’s why he pushed you away. He’s a piece of work. He’ll never be easy, but I’ve always believed he was the kind of man who made all the work worthwhile.” Justin bit his lip. He didn’t want to think about Brian. He didn’t want to think about what he’d also seen in the man. He’d had so many foolish fantasies about Brian, but in the end none had come true. 

“Doesn’t matter.” Justin dismissed. 

“Really?” Vic replied feeling he was gaining ground. It was obvious from his tone that it did matter to the blonde, Brian mattered. “I had hoped it would be you. I always knew Michael would find someone. Despite what my nephew wanted, I knew it would never be Brian, but I knew he would find someone. He’s easy. He’s open and honest. He’s been loved and so he knows how to love in return. But Brian,” Vic paused. “Brian’s never had that. He’s never had anyone who was willing to love him in spite of who he was and what he did. He’s never had someone who could look past his mystic persona and see him for who he really was and love that man and not the mask.” Vic continued to keep his gaze on the dripping branches of the trees, speaking slowly and softly, letting his words fall like the gentle drops of water onto the wet ground. 

“Michael loves Brian.” Justin replied after a long silence between them. 

“Michael loves Brian Kinney, solver of all problems, fucker of all men, maker of all things beautiful.” Vic smirked. “Michael doesn’t know Brian, not really. He loves what he wants Brian to be, but with Michael, Brian is always protective, always aware of how much he can and cannot reveal. No, Michael isn’t what Brian needs. Brian needs someone who is strong and will fight hard enough to get through the miles of bullshit he’s surrounded himself with.” Vic reached up and placed his arm around Justin’s shoulder. 

“I’m too tired to fight.” Justin stated wearily. Vic realized from the man’s tone that it was true. 

“Then get some rest, but stop hiding.” Vic accused softly. 

“I’m not hiding.” Justin defended knowing how ridiculous it sounded even to his own ears. 

“Then come have some cake.” Vic raised an eyebrow. The thought of seeing David caused Justin to hesitate. He hated that man and hated even more the way he was allowing the doctor to use him. It made him feel sick all over. Vic read something in the boy’s eyes that raised new concerns. He couldn’t put his finger on it but there was more going on in Justin than merely his past. “Come on. You can sit with me. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a young twink on my arm.” He teased. Justin glanced over and realized that Vic was teasing. He nodded. 

“Do you really think Brian still cares for me?” Justin asked as they left the room. 

“He brought you here didn’t he?” Vic replied. 

“He just felt guilty.” Justin justified. 

“Haven’t you heard, Justin?” Vic replied his voice barely above a whisper. “No apologies, no regrets.” 

“He said he was sorry.” Justin smirked furrowing his brow as he tried to absorb what Vic was telling him. 

“Well what more do you need? You’re the boy he breaks his rules for.” Vic paused at the top of the stairs. “That’s who you are. The boy he broke his rules for. It might not sound like love to you, but trust an old queen, it is.” 

**********************************