Lost - Chapter 4 The train ride was short. Brian was relieved to see that Justin slept for most of it. He nudged the young man who opened his eyes and peered out into the darkness that was pressing in around the car. “We’re here.” Brian announced. Justin nodded and followed the man out of their car. Once they had their luggage he continued to follow Brian to the rental car counter. Brian glanced back and noted how young Justin looked rubbing the sleep from his eyes. One of the nearby doors opened, Justin felt the chill in the air and was grateful for the new coat he pulled closer around his body. He’d never been to the Pocono’s. Brian led them to the lot and quickly located a new SUV. Justin gave the man a smirk as he climbed in. Only the best for Brian Kinney, Justin thought as he settled back wondering where they would be staying. “It’s a little bit of a drive.” Brian said as he turned the engine over. “I have a map.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a map drawn on what looked like a sheet out of an order pad. Justin looked up warily and realized Brian was giving him the same look back. “What is this?” Justin asked, his eyes never leaving Brian’s face. Brian was immediately pissed that the rental car lot was so brightly lit, otherwise he would have been able to pretend that he didn’t see the distrust in Justin’s face. “A map.” He replied refusing to give anything away. Justin held his gaze for one more moment before looking away in defeat. Brian realized how helpless Justin had to feel at that moment. He wondered if the independent fiery blond he’d fallen for was still residing in that body. From the slump of the man’s shoulders, Brian was starting to doubt it. “Look,” He paused putting the SUV back into park but leaving the engine running so it would warm up. Justin didn’t look. He continued to stare out of the window wishing he were anywhere but here. Wishing for so many other impossible things, things that somehow got him through each night, but even now were starting to wear thin, reality really was a bitch. “It’s Deb’s cabin.” He replied. “It’s a timeshare that she and Vic have had for years.” “Are they there?” Justin asked looking over. Brian nodded causing Justin to immediately look away. He closed his eyes against the dread of facing Deb and Vic, all of them knowing Brian had paid for him for the week, their knowing how things had really turned out. His brilliant plan to run away had managed to land him, no doubt where everyone had expected it would, on his knees in a dark alley sucking some stranger’s dick. “It will be okay.” Brian soothed. “They’ve missed you. They’ll be glad to see that you are safe. Besides you won’t even know Gus, he’s grown so much.” “Gus?” Justin asked staring back at the man in horror. “Who all is there?” “Just the gang you know.” Brian tried to dismiss as he continued to stare out the front window. “Linz, Melanie, Gus, Deb, Vic, Michael and his Doctor.” He paused as the word soured in his mouth. “Ted and Emmett.” “Shit.” Justin hissed staring back out of the window. Brian reached across and laid his hand on Justin’s shoulder. “Relax.” He replied. “No one knows. I’m not going to tell them. If you want them to know, it’s your choice, otherwise, make up whatever you want.” Justin glanced back at him wondering if he was on the level. He realized that Brian was telling him the truth. “You won’t tell them.” His voice was on the verge of desperation causing Brian’s heart to ache. Not trusting his voice he shook his head. “Now help me find this fucking place.” He swore as Justin turned on the interior light and began looking for landmarks on the map. Almost an hour later they pulled up in front of a rustic cabin. It was nice and much larger than either had expected. Deb had boasted that they would all have plenty of room but Brian had honestly doubted that prediction. As he killed the engine he turned to Justin. “They don’t know that you’re with me.” Brian replied. “Let’s just say we ran into each other on the street. Just one of those fateful moments.” “Fate.” Justin whispered leaving Brian wondering what the young man had been thinking. Brian and Justin left the SUV and trudged through the snow up to the dark cabin. The windows were all aglow giving off the hopeful warmth found in the presence of friends and family. Laughter erupted from the room just as Brian was about to knock. He looked over at the pale young man standing next to him. He could tell that Justin was doing everything that he could not to make a run for it. He reached out and laid his hand on Justin’s shoulder causing two blue eyes to look up at him. “Welcome home Sunshine.” Brian stated as he knocked on the door. Before Justin could even process the words the door was flung back by an enthusiastic red head. “Well it’s about fucking time. I thought we were going to have to send out the---“ Her voice died at the sight of the blond standing next to the brunet. “Oh my.” She covered her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes. She looked to Brian and immediately smothered him in a tight embrace. She then turned to Justin. “Sunshine.” Her voice broke as she reached for the younger man and took him into her arms. “Oh thank God you’re okay.” Justin had never felt anything that was as wonderful as being held by Deb at the moment. He felt a surge of hope that had left him long ago flood back into his body. She pulled back. “Let me look at you.” He tried to smile but it didn’t’ reach his eyes. Deb noticed but chose not to mention that fact. She didn’t know how he had managed to survive on his own but had a few suspicions. “What are you doing Maw?” Michael’s voice came from the room as he appeared in the door. “Let Brian in. Its fucking freezing—“ He too grew silent as he noticed who had accompanied his best friend. “Justin?” He stated it loud enough to gain the attention of the entire room. Brian moved inside and pulled Justin along with him past a weepy Deb and stunned Michael. “Justin!” Lindsay announced and raced to take him into her arms. “I’ve been so worried.” She kissed his cheek. Mel mirrored Lindsay’s action. Vic hugged the young man as well. Emmett and Ted gave one another knowing looks offering the young man a welcoming smile. David hung back taking in the reception that the young man was receiving, especially from his lover. “Hey.” Justin finally said. “Where have you been? Why didn’t you call us? How the hell did you find him?” Questions came at both men from all directions. Neither was sure of their answers just yet so Brian played his fuck off card announcing that they’d had a shit time traveling and needed to rest. “Fuck is more like it.” Ted deadpanned earning him a glare from Brian while Justin merely looked at the floor. “Well I suppose you will be sharing the room.” Deb teased leading them upstairs before Brian could object. She pointed out where everyone else’s room was on the way to theirs. It quickly became obvious that they would be sharing the room if for no other reason than it was the only room left. “When you get rested come back down so we can catch up.” She pinched Justin’s cheeks then kissed Brian once more followed by a playful pop to his head before leaving them on their own. They both stood awkwardly for the moment neither feeling comfortable heading toward the bed. Justin finally gave up. He was exhausted. He’d had a shit day and had a shit week ahead of him. The hope he had felt earlier had quickly dissolved in light of Michael’s glare and Ted’s knowing comment. He could endure it for a week. It wasn’t like he had any other option at the moment. He couldn’t hope for more. No one was going to come along and save him. He had accepted that fact months before. It had been a heartbreaking reality but reality was what he had. No more dreams or illusions about who he had been to Brian. He was what he would no doubt be all week to the Ad man. A fuck. Brian watched as Justin peeled off his coat carefully laying it over a chair then laid back onto the bed. He blond glanced over at him running his eyes up and over every curl of Brian’s body. Justin closed his eyes once more and when he opened them once more there was something there that hadn’t been there before. Brian furrowed his brow as he watched Justin reach for him. “What?” Brian asked. “What do you mean what?” Justin practically purred. Brian’s apprehension rose. It was as if someone else was suddenly in Brian’s bed. “I mean what the fuck are you doing?” Brian held his ground. Justin smiled and stretched sensuously on the bed arching his back as he did so. Brian felt his dick instantly respond despite his confusion over Justin’s sudden change in disposition. “Well I must not be doing it right if you have to ask me.” Justin licked his lips then rolled over onto his stomach propping up on his elbows. “Come here.” He beckoned. Brian moved feeling unsure of what it was that he needed to do at that moment. A part of him wanted to rip Justin’s clothes off and fuck him within an inch of his life but another voice in his head was warning him not to. He wasn’t sure which voice would win in the end as Justin’s hand touched his. The old familiar spark raced through the older man’s body as he lowered himself onto the bed. Justin wrapped his body around Brian’s and began kissing his neck slowly then one by one began unbuttoning this shirt. Justin was good at this, he knew it. He’d been told time and again and even given extra tips from his customers for this part of the performance. He refused to think about who he was actually kissing, undressing, seducing. He was too afraid that all those feelings, those real feelings, that he had managed to crush would all spring back to life if he really considered the fact that he was about to lie next to the man who haunted his nights and had broken his heart months before. “Justin.” Brian moaned. No one made him feel like this and he had missed it so much over the long months. He ran his fingers through Justin’s hair then attempted to pull the man’s lips to his own, but Justin pulled away. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Justin replied his anxiety obvious. It was then that Brian clearly heard the other voice in his head, warning him. He pulled out of the man’s touch and buttoned up his shirt. “I didn’t bring you here to fuck you, Justin.” He replied. Justin furrowed his brow. “Really?” He scoffed eyeing the bulge in the front of Brian’s pants. Brian shifted himself as he stood and moved away from the bed. He needed to get some distance between himself and the blond. “Yes, really.” Brian huffed as he headed to their bags so that he could unpack. “Then why?” Justin asked feeling confused and a little embarrassed by the rebuff. “I brought you here to get you away from all of that.” Brian stated giving up on the bags as he realized he needed more room that than, he needed out of the room, out of the Justin’s reach. “I don’t want you doing that any more.” Brian’s distain was evident by the way he has phrased his wish. Justin gave a incredulous laugh. “Oh so its okay to fuck rent boys just as long as you don’t know them personally.” Justin challenged. “Justin—“ Brian began. “No, I mean, shit Brian, you ordered me like you order take out food then you have the nerve to stand there and judge what I do? It takes two Brian. A buyer and I seller.” He felt his face flush with anger. “I don’t want you selling your ass anymore.” Brian spat angrily. He wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. He knew what was right and was determined to show Justin a way out of his current occupation. “You’re better than that.” He assessed. “Well tough shit.” Justin spat defensively. “It’s not about what you want or what you think. You bought me for one week, after that, I’m back to highest bidder.” “You really like what you do for a living?” Brian sarcastically asked. “I mean it’s obviously working out for you from the looks of your luxurious residence.” “Fuck. You.” Justin was hit by a wave of shame as he relived the expression on Brian’s face once more as they had entered his shabby little apartment. “You have no idea.” Justin stated his voice unable to hide the fact that Brian had hit close to home. It was true that his apartment wasn’t much but it was his and Brian had no understanding of how much it meant for him to have it. “Then tell me.” Brian pressed. If Justin wanted to talk about it, he could. Brian wouldn’t back away. “You wouldn’t understand.” Justin mumbled staring at the floor. “What? What wouldn’t I understand?” He asked. Justin merely shook his head. Brian realized that there were things about the blonde’s life that he couldn’t comprehend. Brian suddenly remembered something that Hamilton had said about having Justin back under his watchful eye. Brian remembered the young man’s reaction to the threat. He wanted to clarify but knew he didn’t dare risk pressing the man further. “Justin—“ Brian sighed wishing he knew how to explain. He felt responsible. He wanted to somehow save Justin from what his life had become. He wanted to give him a future where he could be safe. “I’m not your problem anymore.” Justin mumbled softly. He rolled over, deciding that he would sleep after all. Maybe if he slept the week away he wouldn’t have to face the other people downstairs again. Hearing the door open he looked back over his shoulder. Brian met his gaze then left the room. Justin curled up on the bed wishing he could disappear. ********************************** “How is he?” Deb asked as Brian appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “How does he look?” He replied. “Thin.” Deb replied. “Where did you find him?” Brian felt all eyes on him but didn’t feel like trying to piece together a story yet especially without Justin around to take note of the details. “Fate.” Brian replied cryptically and then sat down between Michael and David. “So when is the wedding?” He taunted. David sneered then stood up, making a show of moving away from Brian. Michael watched his lover but remained at Brian’s side. “So did he pay you back?” Michael asked. Brian raised one eyebrow in inquiry. “Pay me back?” “From the credit card bill.” Michael replied, his voice raised with frustration. Brian shook his head feeling sick that anyone could even think of such a thing when Justin was finally back home again. “Is he working?” Deb asked. “You know I’m sure he’ll be happy to answer any questions you have when he wakes up so why don’t you hold on to them for now.” Brian sarcastically quipped deciding it was time for him to change the subject. He glanced in David direction then turned to Michael. “How is Portland?” He noted the look that Michael exchanged with David. There was trouble in paradise. “It’s okay.” Michael mumbled unconvincingly. “Okay?” Deb interrupted. “You should see the house they are living it. It’s a fucking palace.” She announced giving David a big smile. “It has everything that a person could want.” Brian kept his eyes on Michael ignoring Deb’s raving about the house. “Any hot guys out there?” He asked. “One.” David interrupted and moved up behind Michael and pulled him back against his body possessively. “Speaking of which, why don’t we head up to bed.” He offered. “It’s been a long day.” “I’ll be up in a minute. I just want to visit with Brian for a little while. We never see each other anymore.” David kissed him on the head glancing up to catch Brian’s smug look. He gave Vic and Deb a little wave then headed up the stairs. Deb huffed loudly as she turned back to the game of checkers she was playing with Vic. “So Michael.” Emmett moved until he was sitting closer to the two best friends. “How is Portland? You have hardly said a word about it since you arrived.” “Yeah, we got the postcards but haven’t heard a word about your life.” Ted moved up to stand next to where Emmett was now sitting. “Well there isn’t much to tell.” Michael confessed. “I haven’t been able to find a job. David is working long hours to get his practice set up. He is having to spend extra time with Hank trying to make up for lost time.” Michael stared at the couch while making his report. “So he’s out having a life while you play little housewife at home.” Brian offered. “No, it isn’t like that.” Michael defended looking first to Brian then to Emmett and Ted. “Of course it’s not.” Emmett agreed. “You have your own interests I’m sure.” Emmett glanced nervously up at Ted then back to Michael. “Like your comics.” “Well there aren’t any stores near our house.” Michael mumbled. “But I’m sure there are some in the area. I mean it’s a huge city.” “Right.” Ted supported him. “You’ve only been there a couple of months. I’m sure David will help you find –“ “I don’t need David.” Michael spat surprising all three of the men sitting with him. “I can find my own way.” He continued his frustration evident. “I’m going to bed.” Brian announced seeing that Michael was deeply entrenched in denial. He would have to work on his best friend, when he wasn’t trying to help Justin or spend time with Gus. Just thinking about all he had to accomplish in the next week made Brian wonder if he should have just stayed home. He stretched thinking about the blond he had just left an hour earlier. He hoped that Justin would be asleep by now. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle being in bed with the younger man and remain faithful to the statement he’d made earlier. He truly hadn’t brought Justin to the Pocono’s to fuck, but that didn’t mean that they wouldn’t.. “Gus will be up bright and early tomorrow.” Lindsay yawned, from the fireplace where she and Mel had been working a crossword puzzle together. She stood and stretched. “Why don’t you move him into my room?” Brian offered. “I don’t mind getting up with him this once.” Every eye in the room turned on the man as if pigs were about to fly out of his ass. “What?” Brian asked feeling pissed again. “He’s my son, I never see him and I offered to do something nice.” “It’s that last part that threw us.” Melanie snarked as she headed up the stairs. “ but if you want him, he’s yours.” “Don’t you think Justin’s moans and groans will keep him awake?” Michael kept his eyes on Brian as he spoke watching for a reaction. He was disappointed when Brian merely ignored his comment. Lindsay was encouraged to see how much Brian had missed the baby. She’d been so afraid that he wouldn’t be close with Gus now that he was living so far away but with all the calls, emails and visits it looked like it really was going to work. “I’ll help you with the port-a-crib.” Vic offered as he and Michael followed Lindsay upstairs. Brian rubbed Vic’s shoulder affectionately as he walked by. Accepting a goodnight hug from Deb, Brian headed up to get his son. “Brian.” Emmett’s voice caught his attention “Is he okay?” There was deep concern in both Emmett and Ted’s eyes. They hadn’t known the kid very well but had both admired his vigilance and enthusiasm. He seemed to possess neither quality now. “He’s fine. Just tired.” Brian dismissed their concern heading up the stairs. Once he reached the top he found Vic waiting for him. “Michael’s getting the crib.” He offered leaning against the landing. He glanced around to ensure that no one was listening then leaned in close to Brian his voice barely above a whisper. “Is he infected?” Brian’s head shot up at the question. He’d never even thought to ask. “I don’t know.” Brian replied obviously upset. “He needs to get tested.” Vic replied “That is if he doesn’t already know.” Brian nodded. “I’ll find a clinic. You leave it to me and no one needs to know about it.” Brian leaned down and kissed the man on the forehead. He’d always looked up to Vic. Vic had taught him that it wasn’t the size of the dick or bank account that made a man, it was strong compassion. Brian left him and headed down to his room, his mind now focused on Justin’s appearance. He was thin and pale. Given his profession Brian couldn’t help but worry about the younger man. Brian knew there was no way to know if Justin was infected without having the test done. He would just have to wait until he could get the man to a clinic. Hearing a crash he rushed into his room where he found a bleary eyed Justin sitting in bed holding a sleeping Gus as the good doctor and Mikey tried to play home fix it. “You two are pathetic.” Brian spat as he moved in seeing the problem and getting the crib up in two easy steps. “Boy, that was harder than it looked.” Mikey smiled as Lindsay arrived carrying the mattress and an extra blanket. “Justin, sorry we woke you.” She stated regretfully. “It’s okay.” Justin gave her a small smile. It was exactly like the one he had given her the day she’d offer to show his stuff in the GLC show. She smiled back. She wondered if the Taylors had any idea what they had lost. “Well here you go.” Melanie arrived with the wind up pillow. “There’s a bottle in the fridge if he wakes up. Tomorrow morning he’ll need another one, Deb knows how to fix it or maybe some juice. Whatever you think, just don’t wake us up.” Melanie smirked. “Goodnight Justin.” She cooed sweetly. Justin smiled in her direction then turned his attention back to the little bundle in his arms. Gus had grown so much. He was a lot heavier but even asleep it was obvious that he looked just like Brian. “Well we’re right next door if you need anything.” Michael offered leaning up to kiss Brian goodnight. David scowled slightly but then left the room without any comment. Michael shot Justin a glare but it was lost on the blond who was still enthralled with the baby he was holding. Brian closed the door behind the two men then turned and found himself struck by the look of wonder on Justin’s face as he watched Gus sleep in his arms. “I told you that he’d grown.” Brian spoke softly moving up onto the bed, he scooted until he was propped up next to the blond. “Look how perfect he is.” Justin ran a finger over Gus’ tiny hand. Brian watched his son enjoying the peaceful look on the boy’s face. He’d missed him so much. When he looked up he met Justin’s eyes watching him a soft smile on his lips. “What?” Brian asked sounding amused. “You always get the same look on your face when you look at him.” Justin smirked softly. “You love him.” He stated. “Yeah I do.” Brian admitted still watching the blond, feeling grateful for the peace that baby seemed to bring to him. “I used to love babysitting Gus.” Justin replied. “He was such a good baby.” “Yeah, he is. Didn’t get that from me, that’s Lindsay’s genes.” Justin laughed softly then realized he needed to surrender the baby. He moved to hand him to Brian, but Brian moved away. “You put him to bed.” Brian stood and started undressing. Justin smiled and began carefully edging off of the bed, then made his way to the crib. He carefully placed the baby in his crib then covered him lovingly with a little blue blanket. “You’re good with him.” Brian admitted. Justin didn’t acknowledge the man’s words. He had outgrown the need for Brian’s approval. He knew he was good with Gus. He always had been for the most part. “Come to bed Justin.” Brian’s voice pulled him away from the crib. Justin couldn’t get over how much he loved Gus. Gus wasn’t even his son and yet Justin knew that he loved the little boy and felt a fierce need to protect him from anything that might hurt him. Justin wondered for a moment if his own father had ever felt that way about him. If so then how could Craig have just let him disappear? Justin knew that his father wasn’t a safe topic for him to think about so he quickly pushed down his emotions. The last thing he wanted to do was turn into some weak little faggot in front of Brian. Sliding between the sheets, Justin looked over and met Brian’s gaze. There was an awkward moment as the two men stared at one another for a long moment. Brian rolled his eyes breaking the tension. “I told you that I didn’t bring you here to fuck you, but it is freezing in this room.” Brian reached for Justin and pulled him to his body. Justin allowed it and welcomed the warmth of the other man’s arms around him. Brian’s arms felt strong and familiar for though they’d never really gone to sleep cuddled in each other’s arms; each morning they always woke up there. “Feels good.” Justin mumbled against Brian’s chest amazed that he was still exhausted. He’d slept on the train, for over an hour upon arriving and was now already drifting off again. Brian sighed his concern evident. “Justin.” He swallowed waiting for the man to reply. “Justin.” He called again. “Yeah.” Justin replied his voice already sounded heavy with sleep. “Have you been tested lately?” He felt the blond relax further and found himself having to concentrate to catch the words. “Yeah.” Justin yawned. “We have to be tested every four weeks. It’s policy.” Brian sighed. “I suppose you were negative.” Brian pressed needing reassurance before he would be able to sleep. “Yeah.” Justin brought his hand up to Brian’s waist and used it to hold himself against the warm body. The combination of Brian’s lean hard body and the soft luxurious mattress was indescribable to the blond. He’d forgotten how good it felt. Listening to the steady sound of Brian’s heart Justin quickly drifted off to sleep. ********************** Brian awoke thinking Gus was awake but after a moment realized that it was Justin who was softly mewling in his sleep. He watched as the blond seemed to fight off some imaginary foe. Brian watched as he became more and more agitated. Finally realizing that the dream was going no place good, Brian gently shook the younger man awake. Justin immediately sat up pushing Brian violently out of the bed and onto the floor. In the next instant he was on his feet racing for the door. Luckily Brian was faster as he pressed Justin against the wood before he managed to turn the handle. Brian used his body to hold the young man in place until he came fully awake. Slowly Justin’s breathing returned to normal. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?” Justin asked as he continued to press his forehead into the door feeling Brian’s body pressing all along his back. “No.” Brian’s voice was a hot whisper against Justin’s ear. It tickled his neck and helped dispel the lingering images of the nightmare. There was a knock from the other side of the door. “Brian?” Michael’s voice was soft but the concern in it rang true. Justin swallowed hard, feeling embarrassed and unwilling to explain what had just happened. This wasn’t the first time he’d had this nightmare and it wouldn’t be the last. “We’re fine Michael.” Brian reassured him. “I want to see you.” Michael stated sounding a little more demanding. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Brian replied firmly. “Good night.” They both heard the other man huff then grumble back to his room. “My best friend.” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear. Justin smiled feeling Brian smiling as well against the back of his neck. He then looked back over his shoulder. He found himself staring into impossibly hazel eyes. They were so close as were the lips that had just been whispering something in his ear. Justin felt something return to him then. Something that had been gone for a long time, he felt a spark he’d forgotten how to feel. It was distant but demanding. It was desire coming back to him. Like a long lost friend, it pushed its way through the walls struggling to the surface. “Brian.” The word was both a question and a prayer as Brian gave into his own need to taste the mouth lingering just a heart beat away. He covered the full pink lips slowly building the heat until they were both fighting for domination over the other. Pulling back, both men found that they were breathless and hard. Justin looked down at their matching tents and looked up once more. There was something about it that was so familiar. Brian had a brief flash of a morning ages ago when the blonde had first come into his life. This wasn’t the boy who he’d picked up on Liberty then taken his virginity. No, this was a man. A man who had lost everything including his self respect and pride, he’d run away after being thrown away by all the people he cared about. “What do you want me to do about that?” Justin asked his voice sounding uncertain but there seemed to be lust in his eyes. Brian furrowed his brow wondering if Justin was feeling some sort of obligation to take care of him since he’d paid for the blonde’s services for the week. Brian wasn’t sure he liked being an obligation. “Nothing. Let’s just go back to bed.” Brian suggested testing the waters. Justin seemed a little relieved at the man’s suggestion. He wasn’t sure how he really felt about having sex with Brian. It seemed a dangerous thing to do. Justin felt he needed to get his feeling under control before things went any further and yet if Brian wanted it Justin knew he really had no choice but to submit. It had been so long since sex had been anything more than just numbly going through the motions. Justin wasn’t sure he would be able to keep things clearly separated if they had continued on where the kiss had been leading. Brian hid his disappointment accepting that Justin no doubt had a lot of healing to do before things could go any further. “Gus will be up in a couple of hours.” Brian offered. Justin gave another slight nod resisting the urge to reach up and touch his lips as the memory of that one moment seemed to swallow him live. It was like a window to the past as all his old feelings for the brunet rushed back to him. Having sex with Brian would be a huge mistake, he argued with him. It would be impossible to separate his feelings from the act. He knew better than to let his emotions join him in bed with a John and that was what Brian was this week, a John. Once they hit the sheets Brian once more reached for Justin. They spooned with Justin’s smaller body cupped by Brian’s. Justin was amazed by how safe he felt. He was also amazed that Brian was allowing this. He’d always been a ‘my side of the bed’ kind of guy, but now it was as if he wanted the blond near him. Justin didn’t want to make too much of it but he started to wonder how much of Brian’s kindness was pity based. The thought of the older man feeling sorry for him made Justin want to push away from the arms holding him. He had always wanted Brian to respect him and to see him as an equal not as some pathetic loser. Justin knew that he would have to hold it together during their time at the Pocono’s and prove to Brian that he was perfectly capable of handling his life. He felt the older man press a kiss to the back of his neck. Justin didn’t want to think about anything at the moment but those lips on his body. He drifted off in a few minutes, the nightmare banished by resting in the arms of what had at one time been a dream.