No Regrets X 2 -3 Plot Bunny by Judy Dedicated to Phil and Mike “Hey I heard that Brian was writing a book.” Michael said as he slid into the seat beside Justin. “Is that true?” “Brian doesn’t have time to write a book Michael. He’s running Kinnetik among other things.” Justin went back to his burger. Word must have gotten out that he was writing a book and the gang naturally figured it was Brian. It figured. “Well, I heard that he was. He doesn’t always tell you everything you know.” “Apparently he doesn’t tell you everything too.” Justin smirked. Things would never change. “Uncle Mikey, cool.” It was Gus as he slid into the seat across from Justin and Michael. “Hey dad will you buy me a burger please? I’m starving to death.” “Sure.” Justin agreed. “How was school today?” “Same old same old, except I got to sit beside Serena Robbins. That was kind of cool.” “Ahh, so you like this Serena?” Michael asked. After Hunter had turned out straight, Michael wasn’t surprised anymore about kids. “Sure, her father owns a stable. Her friends get to ride free. All I have to do is put on the Kinney charm and I’m a cowboy.” Gus smirked very much like his father did. “You don’t need to go to those lengths Gus. If you want to learn to ride, your dad and I will get you lessons.” Justin signaled to the waitress to take Gus’ order. Things around the diner weren’t the same since Deb had retired. “Gus, what do you know about your dad writing a book?” Michael asked the boy. Gus was well aware that both his dads were writing books. He also knew that both of them wanted it kept quiet. “Nothing.” He muttered. “Is Uncle Ben writing another book? I sure liked the last one.” His ploy worked. Ben had taken to writing books for adolescents and they’d become very popular. Michael was understandably proud and Gus knew that he’d spend the next fifteen minutes talking about Ben’s latest. Justin shot Gus a look of thanks. He almost spit out his coffee when Gus raised one eyebrow in acknowledgement. He looked so much like his father. The eyebrow went up even higher when Gus saw Justin almost lose it. And that’s when Justin did – he burst out laughing spraying everyone with his coffee. “Eeewwww.” Gus said as he brushed coffee spray off of his shirt. “Daaad” he whined. “Geeze Justin, control yourself.” Michael glared at the blond. “What the fudge was so funny.” Michael was trying not to swear in front of the kids these days. “Fudddddge” Justin gasped earning him a glare from both Michael and Gus. “You’ve got to stop doing that.” Drawled Brian from behind. “You have to understand, he’s young, he can’t be expected to react to jokes like the rest of us.” Brian tapped Michael on the shoulder. “Move Mikey, you’re in my seat.” “I was sitting here first.” Michael began. “Uncle Mikey, dad always and I mean always claims the seat beside Pops, you know that.” Gus grinned up at his father. “Hey dad.” “I see you talked your dad into buying you a burger.” Brian remarked as he sat down beside Justin. He paused only long enough to give his long time lover a not so quick kiss. “I was hungry.” Gus explained. “No kidding.” Brian laughed. “I am too. I signed three contracts today. I think I’ll celebrate with a lemon square.” He rationed out thehis intake of his favorite sweet treat these days. Even more than he had when he was younger. “It must have been a good day.” Justin teased. “I think I’ll have one too.” “Mom still makes good lemon squares.” Michael remarked. Debbie supplied the diner with her concoction. It made her feel useful and rather touched that no one would eat any except hers. “Dad, I have a soccer game on Saturday, can you come?” Gus asked his father. Justin had already agreed to attend. “Of course I can.” Brian drank some of Justin’s coffee and then made a face. It never had enough sugar in it. He signaled the waitress for a coffee. “After the game you can help Justin and I with the back garden. For some reason Sunshine here has decided it needs an additional couple of feet added to it.” “You were the one who wanted to grow potatoes. They need room to grow.” Justin smiled up at Brian. He knew the other man loved to work in the garden, but he did have an image to keep up. He thought back to the time when Brian had decided they needed a house. And how he’d brought the subject up at the same time, Brian was also remembering that summer afternoon. “I want a garden.” Brian said one day out of the blue. They’d been watching television, Brian with his head on Justin’s leg. His long legs stretched out on the sofa. Justin was idly playing with the silky auburn strands of Brian’s hair. “Okay.” Justin was always agreeable. It was one of the things Brian liked about him. “Is there anything special you’d want in a house besides a studio?” Brian asked. “I’d like a pool in the back yard and a hot tub. I’d like a decent sized kitchen and our bedroom and bath should be spectacular.” “Well of course.” Brian smiled to himself. “I’d like room for a tree house or something like that for Gus.” The boy was only five at the time, but Justin loved him dearly. “That can also be arranged.” Brian looked up. “Should we call your mother and see if she can find us something?” It was that silly upside down grin that Justin would never forget. They’d reached another stage in their relationship. Both of them knew it and few words were needed. It was time to move forward. “Earth to Brian, Earth to Brian.” Michael said, and as usual he ignored Justin when given the choice. “Sorry, I was just thinking about something.” “No shit.” Michael shook his head. “I was telling Gus that Ben and I would come on Saturday too.” “What about the store?” Brian asked. “I do have employees Brian.” Michael grinned at his friend. “This is going to be fun.” “A barrel of laughs.” Justin replied. “Wow I bet I have the most family watching the game. Hey dads, can I bring a guest for lunch?” Brian and Justin always took Gus out for either a celebration or a consolation lunch after each soccer game. “Sure, does he eat much?” Brian asked. “How would I know?” Gus looked at his father and grinned. “It’s like my first date.” He snickered at the look on Brian’s face. “I know it’s kind of lame taking him out with you guys. But heck, if he has a problem with it, I’ll know he’s not the guy for me.” “Fuck Gus, you’re barely fourteen, what in hell are you even thinking about dating?” Brian began. “Brian.” Justin warned. “Ha, ha, ha.” Gus faked a laugh. “I heard Mom telling moms how young you were when you first had sex. At least I won’t be doing it with some old guy.” “You won’t be doing it with anyone.” Brian’s voice was deadly quiet. “Justin, talk to your kid.” Brian slid out from the table and stood up. “I’ll be at home.” “Brian you didn’t wait for you lunch.” Michael protested. “Later.” Brian turned on his heel and left the diner. “That went well Gus.” Justin said with a shake of his head. “What in hell were you thinking of talking to your father like that?” “He treats me like a kid.” Gus was sullen. Justin rolled his eyes heavenward and Michael snickered. “Apparently you haven’t looked at your birth certificate lately, you are a kid.” Justin declared. “Now what‘s this about a date that isn’t a date.” “I like this guy. I don’t want to put the moves on him or anything. I was just saying that to bug dad.” “Well it worked.” “But I don’t know if he likes me or anything, so I thought maybe he could come to the lunch. You know, kind of just as a friend. I wouldn’t say the date word. I mean I don’t want him to freak or anything.” “Good plan. But your dad is right. Fourteen is young to be ‘dating’ and it’s sure too young to be having sex.” Justin paused. “Gus I know you want to do everything all at once. I was your age once and believe it or not so was your dad. What happened to your dad wasn’t sex the way it should have been. It was something that he did, probably more for the feeling of being wanted than for any other reason. He didn’t have the kind of home life that gave him any kind of emotional support. It’s not something he likes to remember.” While Justin and Gus and Michael talked, Justin remembered what Brian had told him the first night they met. That little sad story about his coach and the blow job in the showers, that’s what it was, a sad little story. And Brian realized it eventually. They talked about it off and on over the years and it wasn’t something he ever wanted for his son. Brian knew now why he’d done it. He knew why he’d been so promiscuous for most of his adult life. Well until he’d met Justin. He discovered what he’d been missing. And once it got thoroughly ingrained he no longer needed anyone else. Justin was more than enough for him. Excerpt from: No Regrets It was hard watching him fall in lust again. This time it was another artist. One who ‘understood’ his moods and artistic temperament. Oh he still loved me. I knew that. He just hadn’t learned to differentiate between lust and love. He was young after all. The hardest part of the whole thing, I won’t even classify it as an ‘affair’, was watching him in conflict. I was lucky that Kinnetik was busier than usual and that I had an excuse to see him almost eight hours a day and sometimes longer. Partnership, business that is, has its advantages when one or the other ‘partner’ has a guilty conscience. There is no avoiding one another during the day time hours. Of course, I wore my usual Kinney blank mask, despite the fact that if pushed I would have screamed the office down in pain and terror that he was going to leave for all the wrong reasons. I even resorted to talking to his mother. I still can’t believe I did that. But she happened to see me sitting in the park. I really hadn’t been following him. I needed to get out of the office for some air. The fact that he’d ‘accidentally’ bumped into his ‘friend’ was a coincidence I’m sure. I was staring across the grass at the two of them talking when all of a sudden Jennifer Taylor was sitting down beside me. “Brian, don’t let him make another mistake.” Her voice was quiet and filled with concern. I wanted to pretend I didn’t know what she was talking about. But it would have been a lie. “He’s a big boy Jennifer.” I told her. “I’ll be there what ever he decides.” “But you could say something. Tell him you know what he’s doing.” “He knows that I know. He and I don’t have to talk about it. He knows.” Brian tried to hide the crack in voice that happened when he spoke out loud about what he’d been keeping deep inside. “Don’t you love him?” she asked. “Don’t you even care that he’s making a mistake again?” “He’s my life.” Brian sighed. “But I can exist without him if I have to. I’ve done it before.” “Brian, you, you’re like a son to me.” Her hand covered his. “No matter what happens, I want you to remember that. I don’t want to lose touch with you.” Brian’s smile was crooked. “I’ll always be around Jennifer. I appreciate your words, more than you know.” He leaned over hand kissed her cheek. We talked for a few minutes and somehow I felt better. I knew this moment would pass and I was right. I came home that night after phoning Cynthia and telling her I wouldn’t be back in the office for a few days. I thought at the time that I’d go away and leave him to his own devices for a couple of days. Give him time to think without me always lurking in the background. It didn’t take me long to pack a few essentials. This couple of days wasn’t about fashion, but rather about retreating from real life. I contemplated leaving a note, but changed my mind. He’d know where I was. That is if he still cared. The year before, we’d bought a small property on a lake not too far from Pittsburgh. It was private in that we had never told anyone about it. From time to time we’d disappear for a day or a weekend. And just turn off our lives and discover each other again and again. He said it was ridiculously romantic. It’s something I’d said to him the night of the prom. He didn’t remember the words that I’d spoken. He didn’t remember much of that night, though he always remembered our dance. I’m not sure if it was a real memory or one that became real the more times I described it. It was a favorite post coital story that I’d tell him before he fell asleep. But the words ridiculously romantic would be uttered by him off and on through the years at different times. I like to think it was a tiny spark of memory. I drove along the barely cleared and overgrown rutted drive to what was barely a cabin. We’d never bothered to do any kind of repairs or renovations, preferring to remain in the bed filled with soft down duvets and worn old quilts he’d stolen from his mother’s closets. I’d remembered to stop and buy some essentials. We’d depleted the cupboards the last time we’d been there. It seemed like years, but it was in fact only two months before. Before he’d discovered his ‘artist’ and life turned to shit. I parked the car and hauled out my bag as well as the supplies, stacking everything on the hood of the car. It was twenty feet or more to the rustic porch. I don’t know why I didn’t notice that there was smoke coming out of the chimney. Or that the door was open, only the screen left to shut out unwanted visitors. It didn’t really matter if there was no other car parked in the drive. He was there and if he was there, he was mine. I knew it like I knew my own name. I looked up from the hood of my car and there he was standing in the doorway. He couldn’t meet my eyes and then all of a sudden he stared into them. Not defiant, but rather bravely as I would have expected. We didn’t talk. We never needed to talk. Our eyes and body language said it all. I held out my arms as I walked toward the door and in seconds he was in them. I held him as he cried, rubbing his back. I may even have cried a bit myself. I don’t know. I don’t really remember. But I do know that the two of us spent the next few hours in bed where always did do our best ‘making up’. Each time he tried to explain, I’d silence him with my lips. I didn’t need to hear details. I didn’t want to hear details. All I really wanted was him in my arms and in my life. If that makes me some kind of ‘whipped’ man, well so be it. But loving someone is letting them grow into their own man. It’s being able to stand back no matter how much it hurts. And it’s being there to help them heal. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin let the lid of the leather bound trunk fall shut. He placed the two sketches that he’d removed from an old sketch book carefully between the pages of his book that he had brought with him. It hadn’t been easy to get into Brian’s office often enough, but he’d managed to find a copy of the key to the trunk one day when he was putting away the laundry. The spare key was at the back of Brian’s sock drawer. He knew that the other key was on Brian’s key ring. He recognized the small gold key with the ornate carving on its head. Justin smiled when he remembered the day he’d found the key. He’d almost shouted out loud with triumph before remembering that Brian was in the next room. Instead, he’d carefully placed the key inside his wallet. It wouldn’t do to have it on his key ring. “Hey Sunshine, I’ve been looking for you.” Brian said as he strolled into his office. “Sorry, I was analyzing your ceiling from my position on the sofa.” Justin grinned. He tucked his sketch pad behind him and stood up. In two strides Justin was in Brian’s arms. “You know being your business partner definitely has its perks.” “You don’t say.” Brian smiled down at Justin before capturing his lips. “I was thinking of making Brad a partner. A junior one, would he have the same perks?” “Not if he wanted to live to collect his first quarterly revenue.” Justin laughed. “I do think that would be a great idea though. After all it would free you up so that you could become my sex slave.” “I already am your sex slave.” Brian loved to tease Justin. He enjoyed the flush that would infuse Justin’s face when he was especially romantic and teasing. “You sooooo are.” Justin agreed. “Is the door locked?” his voice was a purr. “We have a meeting in half an hour.” Brian reminded his partner. “I can be fast when I want to.” Justin began to unbutton Brian’s shirt. “And best of all, I want you.” Brian’s shirt was slipped off of his shoulder. “Well, sex slave was a position I never actually applied for, but it works for me.” Brian’s fingers had been working on Justin’s shirt. Soon he had the younger man on his back the leather sofa cool against their bare skin. The sketch pad had fallen to the floor, forgotten in their lust for each other. The page that peeked out from between the covers ignored, though the beauty of Brian’s face had been lovingly sketched. Justin was hot for Brian this afternoon not only because Brian was the man he loved. But because the few sketches he’d been looking at and had managed to secrete, had brought back the memory of the day the two of them had discovered the cabin in the woods. It was really that day that had determined whether they would ever renovate the cabin or to leave it rustic and virtually untouched except for a few creature comforts that Brian just couldn’t live without. He’d sketched Brian’s face as he’d walked around the property, his eyes wide with wonder at the beauty of the small cabin on the lake. It was really a sketch that showed Brian, the younger Brian, the Brian only Justin saw and then rarely. It was the Brian who had missed out on a lot of his childhood, and who desperately wanted the memories of a good one. “This is a magical place.” Brian said wonder in his voice. “It’s just like the picture in a book my grandmother had. Only that place was in Ireland. And this one is an hour away from the Pitts.” He turned around and around like a child taking it all in. “It’s how I always thought it would be.” He pointed to a small hill covered in daisies just by the woods. “The fairies live there. I bet if we were very quiet we’d see them coming and going through their secret door.” He took Justin’s hand and ran with him onto the wooden dock that stretched out into the lake. “Look Jus, the water is a smooth as glass. You can see to the bottom. Do you think that mermen live under it?” “Water sprites maybe. I think mermen live in the ocean.” Justin had caught the magic and would do anything to keep it alive in Brian’s mind. “I wonder if they’re hot?” “You can never have sex with a water sprite or a fairy. Because if you do, you’ll never return to the world as you know it.” Brian said, his voice serious. “Of course my grandmother never actually said, ‘sex’, but her point got across to me. I was too young to know about having sex with anyone for that matter. But let me tell you it always crossed my mind later.” “Hmmmmm, so you’re telling me that my partner believes in legends and fairy stories?” Justin laughed. “Only the Irish ones are real.” Brian tilted Justin’s chin up so that he could look into his eyes. “This place looks so real. It’s like I’ve been here before and I’ve been happy here. Happier than I ever was as a child.” “Well the place is real. I mean I’m standing here with you and my feet are wet from the heavy dew.” Justin laid his head on Brian’s chest. “There is a for sale sign at the end of the roadway.” “We could buy it and it could be our private place. Only you and I would know of it. No matter what, we’ll be happy here.” Brian sighed, his arms tightened around Justin. “After all it’s full of magic.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It was the sixth year of their relationship when Brian fell ill again. It wasn’t cancer this time, but rather something more mundane. He caught chicken pox from Gus. At first Justin wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. He had a fever and a cough. Because they hadn’t been with Gus when his symptoms first appeared, neither Justin nor Brian made the connection. Gus recovered with barely a scar. If you hadn’t known better, you’d never have known he was ill. Brian on the other hand was deathly ill. His fever rose higher than what was good for him. He was hallucinating in between bouts of vomiting. The appearance of the - at first small and then larger blisters were almost an anticlimax. Brian was out of his head with the pain of the blisters that were as painful as a hundred beestings with the added joy of them all being incredibly itchy. To top it off he had an allergy to calamine lotion. This wasn’t discovered until the blisters that had been covered in the pink lotion began to swell into boil like proportions. Justin nursed his partner through it all. He’d never seen Brian as emotionally depleted. Not even the cancer scare of a couple of years before had reduced the man to the mess he was in now. “Justin” Brian’s voice quivered. His hands were bandaged and the lights were off in the bedroom. His eyes were light sensitive to a high degree. He’d refused to go to the hospital, though the doctor had recommended it time and time again. “I’m right here Brian.” Justin had been cleaning up the bathroom. Brian hadn’t quite made it to the toilet to lose his lunch. “Justin, can I have another pain pill?” Brian’s voice quavered. He shut his eyes as if to keep the sight of Justin’s pity out. Justin shut his own eyes for a moment. “In another hour.” “Please.” Brian hated to beg, but the pain was almost too much. If he didn’t beg, he’d scream and Brian Kinney didn’t scream. Justin knew what Brian was thinking. He knew because he knew Brian. He did the only thing he could think of doing. He climbed into the bed after taking off his clothes, careful not to touch his lover. Justin wasn’t sure where Brian hurt the most. He had blisters everywhere. “Hey, I’m lonely, can I share our bed?” Justin asked. “I’m a fucking freak. I caught a glimpse of what I looked like the last time I puked. How can you stand me?” Justin rolled over on his side so that he could see Brian. Their heads lay on the same pillow. “Brian, when ever I look at you, I’ll always see the Brian Kinney who smiled at me under that street light. I see you that way now and I’ll see you that way thirty years from now.” “You’re weird.” Brian was reduced to Gus’ level of insults. “No, I’m just in love with my partner.” Justin leaned in and gently kissed Brian’s swollen lips. “You don’t by any chance know of any other childhood illnesses that you haven’t had do you?” Justin smoothed the hair off of Brian’s forehead. “I’m not sure that I’m up for say the measles or the mumps right away. You’re kind of a grouchy patient.” “I’m sorry.” Brian’s voice was sad. “Sorry is bull shit, let me hold you.” Justin raised his arm and despite the pain Brian moved into the arms of the man he loved. “Close your eyes while I keep the pain away. I’m better than any old pain pill any day.” Justin murmured. “You are you know.” Brian whispered, he knew he was crying, he could feel the wet on his face, but in Justin’s arms, he felt no pain. Brian let his body melt into that of the smaller man who held him close. He listened to Justin telling him how much he was loved and he knew that it was true. It was one of those moments that were more intimate than the hottest sex. There was love freely given and love freely accepted. Justin held Brian, willing all the white light in his body to wash over the man he loved. He held him and eventually Brian fell asleep. The evening passed and moved into night time and still Justin held him, not moving for fear of waking Brian who was finally sleeping. He remembered his mother when she’d hold Molly years before. She’d whisper that the baby was growing when she slept. And Justin liked to think that when Brian slept he was healing. Brian woke up as the sun peeked through the buildings across the street. He felt stiff and sore, but the pain that had been with him for the past twenty four hours had receded into something more manageable. “Hey beautiful.” Justin whispered before kissing Brian tenderly. “Are you feeling better?” he asked, ,though he knew that Brian was feeling better. “I have to piss.” Brian offered. “That’s always a good thing.” Justin grinned. “Why don’t you get up and do it?” “Because it feels so good with you holding me.” He sighed. “You know, it’s funny. You’re smaller than I am, but when you hold me I feel safe and loved and protected.” “That’s one of the nicest things you’ve ever said.” Justin beamed. “I’m in a weakened state. I’m not responsible for what I say.” But this time Brian kissed Justin’s forehead. He knew his lips were cracked and blistered, but he also knew that Justin didn’t care. He loved him. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Excerpt from: No Regrets It had to have been our sixth year together. We had taken Gus for the weekend and as usual had a busy weekend, though by Sunday afternoon, Gus appeared to be coming down with a cold. We learned later in the week that he’d been in the early stages of chicken pox. I never really thought much of it. After all it was a childhood disease. I should have been more concerned. The sore throat was mildly irritating. The sneezing more so and when I began to feel feverish and couldn’t look at my computer screen without my eyes wanting to fall out of my head; I knew there was a problem. Justin was amazing through these few days. He had contacted my mother and asked about my history of childhood illness. It was Justin who found out that I hadn’t had any of the usual diseases. Probably because I was never allowed to go any where or maybe it was just my damn bad luck. I don’t remember much about the almost forty eight hours that my fever was the worst. I do remember bits and pieces of Justin bathing me with cool water scented with something that tickled my nose. There are blurred memories of my puking, though it could have been flash backs of the hell days of radiation treatment. But the memory that stands out the most was the night he got into bed with me and held me. I was at the end of my strength to hold back my emotions. I couldn’t stop crying and I was close to screaming down the house with the incessant pain. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that a thousand bee stings aren’t fucking painful. And that’s what this was like. I knew my fever was down, things were painfully clear. I’d seen what I looked like during one of my bathroom forays and it wasn’t good. I’d never actually told Justin, but my looks were important to me. They were more important than I’d realized until I saw the monster in the mirror with my own eyes staring back at me. He never once looked at me with disgust. He never once let any kind of dislike for the oozing vesicles cloud his vision. Instead all I saw was love, maybe a bit of pity for my plight. But it was a pity I could accept. I was feeling it myself. It’s funny how your vision clears when you’re laying in bed in the dark listening to the man you love whisper words of comfort in your ear. When you feel him kiss your cracked and swollen lips with tenderness and feel his hands smooth your sweat soaked hair back from your disfigured brow. I’d known for a long time that he was my love, my life. But this illness strengthened my feelings more than I’d thought were possible. I lay in his arms feeling like he was larger than life. I knew he would protect me from everything life could bring us and that he loved me unconditionally. With that realization all the pain seemed to fade into the back of my mind and I let myself fall into a deep and healing sleep. Hours later I woke up. My eyes opened to the sun filled room and I swear that he was still watching over me. That he’d never slept in his vigil of protection. And he smiled at me with love. I didn’t need a camera for that moment will be one that will always be with me until the day I die. Justin I wish I’d told you how much I loved you at that moment. I’m sorry you have to settle for reading it now. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ “Hey Sunshine.” Brian kissed the back of Justin’s neck. “Interesting painting.” Justin was standing in front of an easel in his studio staring so intently at the canvas that he hadn’t heard Brian walk in. “Damn you’ve got feet like a cat.” Justin laughed and turned so that Brian’s arms wrapped around him. He held his paint filled brush away from the silk shirt Brian wore. “Hmmmm, maybe I like to sneak up on you. I can discover all your secrets.” Brian began to nuzzle the pulse point at the base of Justin’s neck. “Who has secrets?” Justin laughed. Brian’s kisses tickled. “I thought you were working late tonight on the Andrew’s project?” “The head of my art department took the afternoon off leaving his department to the mercies of his staff. I thought I’d do the same. Cynthia can handle the Andrew’s project.” “I like your thinking.” Justin purred. “But I want to finish this painting. It’s the last one I need for the gallery showing next week.” “I’ll sit here quietly and watch.” Brian offered, though his tongue was now involved with the assault on Justin’s neck and was moving lower. Buttons were disappearing as Brian sank to his knees. “Brian.” The name was barely said with protest. Justin tossed his brush to one side, not caring if it made a mess when it landed. “It’s come to my attention that this is our ninth anniversary.” Brian murmured into Justin’s ear. “How did you know?” Justin giggled. “The pop ups on my computer were the first clues.” Brian grinned. “But I did remember.” “I liked those pop ups.” Justin grinned back. “Well enough to get them off later I hope.” Justin was now naked on the tile floor. He hadn’t put up much of a protest and he pressed his lips to Brian’s to silence his words. “If you’re good.” Justin whispered. “I’m good. I’m very, very good.” Brian stood up and pulled the now naked Justin to his feet. “But I’m also becoming used to beds rather than hard floors.” “The sofa over there is closer and I don’t want to wait.” Justin was now the one pulling Brian toward the butter soft leather sofa. “If I recall it’s my turn to be in the driver’s seat.” “You’re always in the driver’s seat Sunshine.” But Brian allowed himself to be placed on the sofa. “Ouch” he reached down between the cushions and pulled out a small gift wrapped box. “What’s this?” he asked. “You are sooooo predictable.” Justin laughed. “Open it.” Brian pulled Justin down on top of him and began to open the box. Inside was a platinum linked bracelet. The links were actually the letters B and J in a bold cursive. “You designed this didn’t you?” Brian asked, all thoughts of sex forgotten as he stared at the masculine bracelet. “You had to ask?” Justin laughed. “It is our anniversary after all.” “How did you know we’d be here on the sofa?” Justin raised his eyebrows and grinned. “Brian how many years has it been?” “I’m not that predictable” and as soon as the words were out of his mouth, Brian realized that he was that predictable. He always sought Justin out on their anniversary, though he’d never actually admitted it was an ‘anniversary’ out loud until the last year or so when he’d given up the pretense of not giving a shit what day it was. “It’s your fault. You’ve made me predictable.” He held out his arm. “Put it on me please.” “You realize that it has a special clasp.” Justin picked up the bracelet. “Once it’s on it doesn’t come off without visiting a jeweler.” “A slave bracelet?” Brian asked. “No, you’ll never be my slave, but you’ll always be my partner.” “But what about you, you don’t have one.” “Actually I do, but we’re only going to put them on if you understand the meaning. Otherwise, they are just pretty bracelets and we’ll keep them in our safety deposit box.” Justin looked into Brian’s eyes, not sure that he understood what Justin was asking. But hoping against hope that he would understand and accept the proposal for what it was worth. “Justin Taylor, will you put the bracelet on my right wrist. When and if we finally commit under the scrutiny of Deb and your mother, we’ll have them removed and placed on the other wrist.” Justin beamed. That was exactly what he’d been hoping Brian would say and it was what he’d planned. “Brian Kinney, you are mine.” He placed the bracelet around Brian’s wrist and carefully did up the clasp. Then he lifted the bottom of the small box revealing a second bracelet and held out his own arm for Brian to do the same to him. “I’ve always been yours” Brian commented as he did up Justin’s bracelet. “This design is wonderful. I wouldn’t mind using it in other things that we share.” “Oh, what do you have in mind?” Justin was curious. He looked at his bracelet. The design was something he’d come up with one night while waiting for Brian to recover from his bout with chicken pox a few years ago. He’d just never acted on it. “Well it would look pretty good as a monogram on what ever we want to put it on in the house.” “Like the towels you mean?” Justin asked. He’d never thought of that or even that they’d ever ‘want’ monogrammed towels. “Like the towels, but there are other things. We were going to commission a wrought iron gate for the pool area to replace the one we have now. Why not put this on the gate.” Justin was grinning even wider than before. “You could get it tattooed on your ass. After all your ass is mine.” “You could get it tattooed on your dick.” Brian growled and pulled Justin close. “Why is it you always can make me smile?” “Why is it you can always make me tingle inside when you look at me like that?” “Like how?” Brian stared into Justin’s eyes and then crossed his. “Exactly like that.” Brian stood up and scooped Justin in his arms. “We’re going to our bedroom Mr. Taylor. Now that we are officially chained together.” He grinned. “Brian, we’re naked and you have to walk outside.” “I’ll hurry so you don’t get sunburned.” Brian opened the door and headed for the house. “That’s not what I meant.” Justin mumbled and buried his red face in Brian’s chest. He was hoping the neighbors weren’t out in their gardens. They did have a fence but it wasn’t enough to cover what they were up to. “By the way, Gus is staying with Lindsay tonight.” Brian pushed the door to the house open. “I had to promise him we’d take him somewhere nice for his birthday. I’m glad he’s over the kiddy places.” “He’s just like his father, nothing but the best.” “That’s why I have you Sunshine, now shut up. We’ve got some serious lovemaking to do.” Brian placed Justin on the bed and Justin scooted over to make room for his long time lover. “Remember when we used to tear each other’s clothes off?” Justin asked almost wistfully. “We were consumed with lust for each other.” “I’m still consumed with lust for you Justin, that’s never going to change.” Brian leaned over him. “I could tear your clothes off, but somehow, making long slow gentle love to you rather appeals to me today.” “Like the first time?” Justin asked remembering that first night together. “That’s how I knew that you were mine. You were slow and gentle and you didn’t fuck me. You made love to me just how I’d always imagined it would be. And afterward we cuddled together. You told me you loved me when you came. It still thrills me when I think about it. I’ve been with you hundreds of times when you’ve come inside other guys mouths and asses and you’ve never once said I love you to any of them.” “That’s reserved for you.” Brian brushed his lips down Justin’s torso, sending shivers over the younger man’s skin. “I don’t know why I said it that night. I just knew that it was right. And no it wasn’t Anita’s drugs. Though I suppose they allowed my inhibitions to be lowered. But I meant it that night and any other time I’ve said it.” “I know you mean it Brian. I know you mean it even when I don’t hear the words.” Justin reached down and put his hand behind Brian’s head tilting it so that he could see into the hazel eyes he loved so much. “Now show me how much you love me again so I won’t forget.” His command was tempered with a loving smile that Brian returned almost shyly before once again lowering his head.