Once Upon a Time - 3 Author: Elsa Rose Brian held Justin and let his mind wander over the lost years. He couldn’t imagine what the blond had been through and how it had damaged his mind. Because it had done just that his beautiful boy was now a man older than Brian had been when they met and yet he still held the innocence he had from years before. “Brian, don’t look at me.” Justin’s voice was quiet. “I hate it when someone looks at me.” “You don’t like being touched either Sunshine, but I’m holding you. I think you can make a tiny exception with the ‘looking at you’ rule. I haven’t set eyes on you for fourteen years. I have to keep looking to make sure that you’re real. Justin pinched Brian’s arm. “Ow” “I’m real.” And there was a hint of the old Justin in the fleeting smile that swept across his face. Brian bent his head slightly and pressed his lips against Justin’s forehead in a tender kiss. “I prefer this method of finding out whether it’s really you.” “I guess I knew that I would have to face you someday once Gus showed up. Gus is so much like you. He’s smart and perceptive and as stubborn as his father. I just didn’t think it would be this soon or this way. “ Justin wiggled closer to Brian without realizing it. He wanted to be as close as he could to the safety of the man that held him. “We have a lot to talk about Sunshine. The first question of the day is why the fuck didn’t you contact me when you finally got out of your parent’s clutches.” “I didn’t think you’d want me.” The words were said softly. “I’m damaged goods Brian. I can’t see, my hand gives out, and now they tell me my hair is white, not to mention the scar. I look like a fucking freak.” The last was said with a tinge of hysteria in his voice. “Sunshine, you look pretty much the same way you did fourteen years ago. Your hair is beautiful.” Brian threaded his fingers through the silky locks. “A trim wouldn’t hurt.” He teased. “Who does your hair?” “Molly, my mother used to cut it when I couldn’t stand it any longer, but now Molly does.” He was all put purring as Brian stroked through his hair. “I’ll take you to my stylist.” Brian said. “And don’t argue. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” “Brian you can’t come into my home and start ordering me around.” Justin pulled back slightly and looked up at Brian, though he couldn’t see him, his blue eyes were clear and Brian felt like they could see into his soul. “I’m not ordering you around.” Brian kissed Justin’s nose. “You know, you’re too stubborn to let me do that.” “Brian, I don’t know. I, I can’t go out.” Justin looked down and then buried his face in Brian’s neck. “Why can’t you go out?” “I get panic attacks.” “Have you been with me?” “No, you know I haven’t.” “Then don’t generalize.” Brian kissed Justin’s forehead. He pushed back Justin’s hair and saw the scar. He ran his finger of it and Justin shuddered. Then he kissed it over and over. “What are you doing?” “Kissing it and making it better. It works for Gus and Jenny.” And Justin could hear the love and smile in Brian’s words. “You are soooo Irish.” Justin joked but he snuggled close again. “I wish I could stay here in this moment for ever.” He breathed. “You’ll get hungry.” “I don’t eat a lot.” “So that’s changed.” Brian shut his eyes. “I guess a lot has changed.” “Yeah, I can’t tell whether you’re bald and fat.” Justin joked. “You aren’t too old to be spanked.” Brian reached his hand down and gave Justin a playful, but gentle swat. “Well it’s true I can’t tell.” Brian took one of Justin’s hands and placed it on his head. “Same hair Sunshine.” “At least you aren’t white.” “Now how do you know that? I could have died it green for all you know.” “You know Brian, as far as I’m concerned when ever I look at you, I will see that tall handsome man who walked across the dance floor the night of the prom. You’ll always be young and you’ll always be beautiful.” “So will you Sunshine.” This time he let his lips claim Justin’s. Tentative at first and then with a hitch of his breath, he let himself drown in the touch of Justin’s kiss. It was Justin’s tears that finally made them pull apart. “Sssoorry, Brian, I just never thought I’d ever feel your kiss again.” Justin tried to pull himself together. “I can’t believe I keep crying like some sissy little faggot.” Brian wiped the tears with his thumb. “I forgot what it was like kissing a soggy boyfriend.” He teased. “You had a soggy boyfriend?” Justin asked. “I didn’t know.” “Yeah, he was this little blond twink who was always dissolving into tears. I remember kissing his snotty face often.” “I did not have a snotty face.” Justin almost giggled. “And I wasn’t your boyfriend.” “I always kind of thought of you as my stalker who turned into my boyfriend.” “You did not. No way did you think of me as your boyfriend.” Justin sounded indignant. “No, maybe not at the time, but I did later.” Brian admitted. He sighed. “Justin, I missed you so much. I looked for you for a long time. I’ll give your parents credit for being able to keep you hidden.” “Fuck my parents.” “No thanks.” Brian laughed bitterly. “Justin, what are we going to do?” “I was going to ask you that.” Justin said. “I have my life here, you have yours outside these walls.” “What life do you have Sunshine.” Brian asked. “You’re hidden away from the world. That isn’t any kind of life.” “It’s the only one I can live with Brian.” “Gus wants you to join the family again.” “Is that what you want?” Justin asked. “I’ve always wanted you. I just didn’t know it until I no longer had you.” Brian sighed. “Justin, all kidding aside, now that I’ve found you. I want to be part of your life and I want you to be part of mine.” “Brian, you are always welcome here. I could never turn you away. But I’m not so sure about being part of your life outside of this house.” “I’m not saying it won’t be hard Justin, but I want you to try. I’ll be with you every step of the way.” “Try what Brian? I’m an adult male who is prone to panic attacks and can’t see for shit so I keep thinking someone is sneaking up on me to hit me on the head with a fucking baseball bat.” Brian started to sit up. Immediately he could feel Justin begin to tremble. “Hey Sunshine, I’m going to sit up and so are you. I’m going to hold your hand and we’re going to walk into your living room and sit down.” The rumble of Justin’s nervous laughter filled the room. “It’s stupid; I haven’t had any problem being alone in this room for a long, long time. As soon as I felt you move away, I felt terrified I’d never touch you again. Fuck I’m an emotional basket case; you don’t need this shit in your life Brian.” “I need you in my life Justin. I’ll take it however I can get it.” Brian took his hand and led him into the living room. “I’m going to turn on a light if you don’t mind.” “Okay.” Justin sat on the sofa. He shut his eyes and held himself tightly waiting for Brian to return. “There’s stuff to drink in the fridge.” “What do you want?” Brian asked heading toward the kitchen area. “I don’t care; water is fine, or a beer.” “I’m having a beer.” “Okay, I’ll have one too.” “Here you go Sunshine.” Brian touched Justin’s hand with the bottle. They sat for a moment drinking silently. “Justin, let’s take this easy. I want you around for a long time but I want you sane.” He bent and kissed Justin’s hair. “I know that I can’t ask you to come to Babylon yet, not that I go there anymore. But you know what I mean. You could though come out with me to the river. Our bench is still there. It’s still peaceful and best of all if you come with me tonight, you’ll feel the autumn air, and smell the leaves.” “I don’t know Brian.” Justin swallowed the last of his bottle of beer. “Just you and I Sunshine, alone in my car.” “Do you still drive a jeep?” his voice trembled with nerves. “No, I did have a Corvette for a few years, but now I prefer the comfort of a BMW.” Justin giggled. “Brian Kinney driving a BMW. Somehow it just seems wrong in so many ways.” “You won’t think so when you sink into that soft leather seat and feel it fold around you holding you tight.” Brian’s voice was seductive. “And there’s a great sound system.” “Maybe for a few minutes, I don’t know Brian. I’ll walk you to the car anyway. That has to be worth something. I haven’t been outside in weeks.” “That’s a start.” Brian stood up. “Get your coat, it’s chilly outside.” He watched while Justin walked toward a closet with assurance. It was apparent that all the years he spent in these rooms had made him confident about finding his way. It was going to be up to Brian to let Justin have the same confidence in other locations. “I’m ready.” “Sorry, I was admiring the view.” Brian walked over and took Justin’s hand tucking it into the crook of his arm. “Hey Molly.” He said to the young girl who stood at the top of the stairs. “I’m taking Justin out for a ride.” “Justin?” Molly said, her voice unsure. “Brian thinks that’s what he’s doing, he’ll find out that it won’t be worth the trouble, but I will walk him to his car.” Justin’s fingers tightened on Brian’s arm. “I won’t force him into the car kicking and screaming, but if he wants to go, we’ll go. I won’t keep him out late without calling you Molly.” His eyes twinkled at the young girl. “I told you he’d see me.” “Molly gave you a hard time did she?” Justin asked. “Not for long. I said the magic words.” Brian opened the front door and walked outside. The door shut behind them. Justin stopped walking and took a deep breath. “What were the magic words?” he said trying to stall walking any further. His heart beat wildly. “I love Justin.” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear. “Now hold on tight. We’re going to walk to the car. It’s really a rather nice car Sunshine.” “I’m sure it is.” The words trembled but he began to place one foot in front of the other. “Do you feel me holding you?” “Yes” “Nothing gets to you without going through me first. Nothing.” Their footsteps had taken them to Brian’s car. “The car is a few inches from your right hand. Can you feel the expensive paint?” “It feels like any other car Brian, I think you wasted your money.” Justin chuckled. He’d missed Brian’s sense of humor. “You won’t think so when you sit on that leather.” Brian opened the door. “Feel that, it feels as soft as a baby’s bottom.” Justin touched the leather and grinned up at Brian. “I think you’re starting to channel your own advertising hype.” But he slid into the seat. “Not bad Brian. It smells new, is it?” “It’s six months old, but I don’t smoke any longer and of course I don’t eat in it.” “Not even a quick burger at Burger King?” Justin teased. He used to get Brian to take him there all the time when he drove the jeep. “With fries and a chocolate shake.” “You know I never eat there.” “Well I haven’t in a long time either.” Justin admitted. “I’m going to walk around to the driver’s side. Will you wait for me?” “You know it.” Justin settled back into the soft leather seat. Brian bent and kissed him. “I’ll be right there.” He shut the door and moved quickly to the other side of the car. “Hey told you I’d be right back. Are you okay?” he let his hand touch Justin and Justin grabbed his hand tightly and held on. “Sorry Brian, just a bit of panic.” He smiled at Brian, but the smile was barely there and Brian knew how much this small outing was costing Justin. “Want to hear the sound system?” Brian asked. “We’ll sit here for a few minutes and listen to some good music.” “Got any good Fly?” “I don’t listen to that shit.” Brian grumbled. “Your taste in music still sucks.” Justin brought Brian’s hand up to his lips and kissed the finger tips one by one. “I liked some of your stuff. I’ll listen to whatever you have.” “You’ll like this CD.” Brian turned on the car and adjusted the music. “It’s nice.” Justin agreed. “You can drive to the river if you want. I’m doing okay. I don’t know about getting out there though. But I haven’t exploded into a million pieces yet.” “If you’re sure.” Brian answered. “I’m sure.” Justin squeezed Brian’s hand. “If you don’t mind though, I’d like to keep my hand on you.” “Nothing I’d like better Sunshine.” Brian grinned and Justin could hear the smile in his voice. Justin sat quietly, listening to the purr of the engine and the soft tones of the music. He could smell Brian’s cologne and he could feel the warmth of him under his hand. Brian was right, the car was amazing. It was like driving in a cocoon. The car turned and Brian slowed down. Justin heard the window roll down and a tiny voice asking what they wanted. “Two cheeseburgers, fries, a chocolate shake and a coffee, black.” “Brian, you’re letting food come into the sacred car.” Justin laughed. “I can’t believe it.” “Don’t get too excited Sunshine. I thought you might like to have something to eat while we sit on our bench.” “What if I can’t get out of the car?” “Then we’ll eat in the sacred car. But if you spill anything I’ll have to kill you.” Brian laughed out loud. Justin’s fingers squeezed his thigh and Brian’s cock hardened. “Keep doing that Sunshine and I’m going to have a problem.” “I don’t have to be able to see to find out if giving head is like riding a bicycle.” “Riding a bicycle?” “Once you know how, you never forget.” Justin said with a smile. “Fourteen years is a long time, but not so long that I’d forget your cock Brian.” “Is that all you remember?” Brian was fishing and he knew it and he knew that Justin knew it. “Brian do you want me to tell you that I remember every inch of your body. I remember the touch and feel and smell of you.” “I don’t want you to say anything that isn’t true.” Brian admitted, “Though I’ve lain awake nights mentally touching you, smelling you, tasting you.” “I’ve done the same thing.” Justin put one hand up and touched Brian’s face. His fingers ran over the length of Brian’s face. And then over Brian’s lips. “You are exactly as I remember.” “What about the new lines?” “I can’t see them. They aren’t there.” Justin smiled. “You look exactly as you did the last time I saw you.” “Your food is getting cold. Let’s get out and sit on our bench.” “Brian, I don’t know.” “I’ll be with you every step of the way. I’ll never leave you again.” Justin choked a grim laugh. “It wasn’t you who left. It was me. Thank you mom and dad and fuck you Chris Hobbes.” He put his hand on the door handle and opened it defiantly. It was then that Brian noticed Justin had undone his seat belt. He’d never noticed before. Justin stood in the open doorway facing the sound of the river. He was pretty sure it was where they had always parked before. Though in fourteen years, things could have changed. “Justin?” Brian asked. “Are you alright?” “I’m fine Brian. I’m just fucking fine.” “Glad to hear it Sunshine.” Brian tucked Justin’s and into the crook of his arm. Shut the door on his car and began to walk toward the bench. “If you’re good, I’ll even let you eat my fries.” “They’re probably cold.” “Never stopped you before.” “I have more discriminating taste now.” Justin sat on the bench and Brian handed him a box of warm fries. “Can you put on some ketchup please?” “Is your arm broken too Sunshine?” “Please.” “Oh, okay, ketchup being applied.” Brian ripped open a packet of the red goo and squirted it onto the French fries. “Thanks” Justin turned toward Brian. “I was just testing you. I know you hate ketchup.” “Good thing that you can’t see me sticking my tongue out at you.” Justin ate some of the fries. “These aren’t bad. It’s been a long time. Molly never gets me fast food. She says if I want it I have to get it myself. Bitch” he laughed. “She was always after me to go out with her. You ask once and next thing I know I’m in the car.” “Well you were always easy.” “But not cheap.” They both began to laugh. Justin was about to eat a fry and Brian leaned over and ate it instead. “Hey no fair, I couldn’t see you.” Justin laughed. “I’m beginning to see the advantages of having a partner with limited vision.” Brian kissed Justin’s cheek. “You are so bad.” Justin smiled and found his burger, carefully pulling the wrapper off. “Hey this is darn good.” “Not bad.” Brian drawled. “The next time I take you out to dinner, I’d like it to be somewhere that doesn’t have so many fat grams.” “Right, you sure presume a lot.” Justin continued eating. “Can I have your fries?” he asked. “Sure, I suppose I have to put ketchup on them too?” “Of course.” Justin giggled. Brian’s heart leapt with the sound. Brian doctored the now cold fries and handed them to Justin. “Here you go Sunshine, but I’m warning you they’re cold.” “That’s okay. I like cold fries.” “I knew it.” Brian crowed triumphantly. “Still always have to be on top I see.” “That I take it was a rhetorical question.” And Justin could see the smirk on Brian’s face in his mind. “Maybe.” Justin continued to eat the cold fries, occasionally offering Brian one and he would take it from Justin’s fingers, allowing his lips to close around them in a kiss. They chatted and laughed. Fourteen years fell away like they had never happened as they sat together on the bench. “I’m going to put the trash in the can Justin. Will you be okay here?” Brian asked. “Can I come too?” Justin really didn’t want to be alone in the dark on the bench. The cold fall air felt like it was pressing him down to smother him when he thought of Brian leaving him alone. “Yes.” Brian heard the tremor of panic in Justin’s voice. He stood up and then leaned down and took Justin’s hand. “You remember where it was, well it’s still there.” Justin, keeping his hand in Brian’s began to walk in the direction of the can. Brian let him lead the way, holding him back as they came close. “Almost there Sunshine. I’ll take it from here.” “Thanks Brian.” “For what, helping to clog your arteries?” “No for letting me try to find my way.” “Anytime.” The trash disposed of, Brian put his arm around Justin’s shoulder and they began to walk along the pathway. “Do you smell that?” “I smell the fall.” Justin said. “I smell the river and burning leaves.” “Me too. It’s one of my favorite times of year.” “I remember. Mine too. I met you in the fall.” Justin sighed. “You were so handsome standing there. And so drunk, you thrilled me and scared me all at once.” “Glad I could make a lasting impression on such a young man.” Brian stopped walking. “We’re at our tree.” “So they didn’t cut it down.” “I would have told them it was a monument to the first time I fucked my favorite piece of blond boy ass standing up.” “Ever the romantic. I’m sure they would have apologized and let the tree stay.” Justin laughed. “I come here a lot.” Brian admitted. “Usually it’s on nights like this one, when the smell of the fall is in the air and I can just about see you in the moonlight, but not quite.” “I would have thought that you’d stop smoking up at your age.” Justin tried to joke. “You’re only as old as you feel and I feel about twenty nine.” Brian quipped. “Yes you do.” Justin ran his hands over Brian’s chest under the leather jacket. He leaned into the taller man pressing himself tightly until it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. “You taste like twenty nine with just a hint of thirty.” Justin kissed his way up Brian’s neck and over to his ear where he gently sucked on Brian’s secret erogenous spot. “Fuck Justin” Brian groaned. All joking and teasing pushed to one side as Justin continued to kiss and taste him. “I’d like to. I really would, but not here.” Justin whispered. “If you keep that up, that’s what you’re going to get.” Brian’s voice was hoarse. “I want it like the first time. I want to be in your big bed. I want the satin feel of the sheets under me and soft down of the duvet close by.” Justin’s voice was filled with longing. “I want it all Brian. I want it all back again.” “I would give it back to you Sunshine, every minute of every day. But I can’t, all I can do is give you the rest of my life. That you can have.” Justin could hear the truth in Brian’s words. He didn’t know if it was the lack of sight that had finally made his hearing more clear, or if it was wishful thinking. Either way, the truth rang loud and clear. “You really mean that don’t you Brian?” “I really mean it Justin.” Brian kissed the top of his head. “I could take you to the loft right now if you want.” “I’m not ready for that Brian. I really want to be. I ache to be. But I know in my heart that I’m not. I’m amazed at myself for just being outside the safety of my home. Let alone here in the park. But I know what’s made the difference. What’s kept the fear away long enough for me to do it. You, you’re the difference. You make me feel safe. Like you’re some kind of superhero who will protect me from all the bad things in the shadows.” “I look terrible in tights.” Brian tried to joke. He tilted Justin’s chin up and kissed him again. “I’m no superhero Sunshine. Just a man who has waited fourteen years to tell you that I love you and to hold you in my arms.” “Hmmmmm, you have continued to be romantic.” Justin purred. “Continued?” “When you danced with me and whispered that you loved me.” He sighed. “I never forgot that despite Chris Hobbes and my parents.” “I didn’t know.” Brian began his hands rubbing circles on Justin’s back. “No one knew. I was my secret. It kept me sane when I realized that I would never see again. See you or see anything.” Brian had nothing to say about that. Instead he let his body language tell Justin everything. Eventually, without speaking they slowly turned and began to make their way back to the car. Brian opened Justin’s door, brushing Justin’s lips with his as the younger man sat inside. He didn’t have to tell Justin he’d be right there when he shut the door and moved to his side of the car. Justin knew he would be there quickly. “Hey” Brian said when he closed his door. “Hey yourself. Are you taking me home now?” “Do you want to go home now?” “I suppose I have to. It’s been quite a day.” Justin admitted. “Except I don’t want to go home. I’m afraid this is a dream and I’ll wake up and you won’t be here.” Brian chuckled. “I could take a couple of days off of work. It’s Wednesday today, so if I took Thursday and Friday off, we’d have the weekend. But you know, even if I own the company, I still have to show my face there every once in awhile.” “You’d take off two days for me?” “You have to ask?” Brian cupped his hand behind Justin’s head and brought it close. He kissed him quickly once and then deeply again. “If you spent the night with me, I might be able to go to the loft tomorrow.” Justin ventured. “I could do that.” Brian turned the car on. “I hope you haven’t started to snore in your advanced years.” “I was wondering the same thing about you.” Justin laughed. He let his head rest against the seat enjoying the ride. His hand continued to rest on Brian’s thigh. Justin needed the connection and truthfully so did Brian. “We’re here.” Brian said after driving for ten minutes. “Is there anywhere special you want me to park?” “Molly has to be able to get her car out to go to the school tomorrow. But other than that I don’t suppose it matters.” Justin waited while Brian maneuvered his car to allow Molly access to hers. “Molly is going to be worried because I kept you out for so long.” “Molly knows I’m safe with you Brian.” Justin smiled. “It was nice. Tonight was nice.” “I braved clogged arteries for nice?” Brian couldn’t help but grin and Justin could hear it. This time he watched as Justin confidently opened his own door and got out of the car. Justin walked around to Brian’s door and opened it for the older man. “Are you coming or going or coming and staying.” He laughed out loud and so did Brian as they both remembered that night so long ago. “I think this is your queue to kiss me.” Brian said when he confirmed he was coming. “I can do that.” Justin’s lips found Brian’s without hesitation. This time the kiss took both of them by surprise. There was less hesitation as their true feelings came to the surface. Justin finally pulled back. He couldn’t speak and if ever he wished he could see again it was now. He desperately wanted to look into Brian’s hazel eyes. Because Brian couldn’t hide his feelings in those green and gold flecked orbs. Justin’s eyes were open, but he could see nothing but dark shadows. He could only imagine the shine of love that might be in those magic eyes. “I, I, we should go inside.” Justin stammered moving out of Brian’s arms. He stumbled but caught himself and began to walk to his front door. Brian watched for a moment and followed. Justin was no longer a teenager, but rather a man in his own right. He had emotional problems, but they could be repaired with time. Brian recognized the signs that Justin was keeping his feelings deep inside walls that had been painfully erected. He lengthened his stride to catch up. Putting his hand on Justin’s shoulder he stopped the blond in front of the door. “Justin, don’t run away from me. We’re going to do this together. You and I, I want you around for a long time Sunshine. I want you with me.” “It’s hard Brian. Harder than I ever thought it would be.” Justin turned and faced Brian. “I had all these fantasies in my mind of what would happen if you came back into my life. Only none of them included that I couldn’t see. None of them included that I’m fucking terrified of being away from my apartment. None of them included what’s happening to me inside.” A tear trickled down his face and he turned to the door, slipping his key expertly into the lock without fumbling. Brian sighed deeply. His fantasies hadn’t included a broken man in the place of the strong and outgoing one that he’d danced with. But wasn’t that what love was all about. Facing shit like this together and working through it. Brian followed Justin inside shutting the door behind him. “Wait up Sunshine, I’m older than you.” Justin was half way up the stairs. He turned around facing Brian’s voice. “You still there?” “I’m not leaving. I made a commitment to you tonight. I honor my commitments.” Brian had reached Justin. He stood on the step below him so that their faces were inches apart. “Justin, I’m just where I want to be.” His voice was soft and full of meaning. Justin let himself fall forward, sure that Brian would catch him and he did. The stood on the stairs until Molly cleared her throat. “So guys, what’s up? You do know that some of us have to work tomorrow?” she tried to sound mad, but seeing her brother in Brian’s arms made her smile. “Hey Molly.” Brian turned and smiled. “Are you staying tonight?” she asked. “Yes he is.” Justin answered for Brian. “He’s become my stalker.” “I learned from the best.” Brian joked. “Come on Sunshine. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.” He turned to Molly. “I left you room to get your car out around mine.” “Thanks Brian.” And Brian knew that she was thanking him for more than what he’d said. He smiled at her and then turned back to Justin. They headed up the stairs hand in hand. “I’m going to go back to the loft early tomorrow morning to get some clothes. Do you want to come with me?” Brian asked. “Will anyone be there?” “Justin, do I look like I suddenly have taken to having early morning visitors?” “I don’t know?” Justin giggled. “Trust me, I don’t” “Okay, then I’ll go with you. Is it the same loft?”: “Same loft, different furniture. Still lots of leather, but softer.” “Ahhhh, the first sign of old age, replacing the hard Italian, with soft Italian.” “No I still like hard Italians.” “Asshole.” Justin replied with a laugh. It was nice joking with Brian. “I hope your bed is comfortable. It doesn’t look very big.” “I’ve never had any complaints.” Justin snickered. “Oh, you have many sleep overs?” “Daphne used to spend the night when we were in school.” “Tell me you’ve bought another bed since then?” “No, I didn’t need one.” Justin smiled. “You can turn a light on if you want.” “I don’t need a light.” Brian began to remove his clothes. He could see just fine from the moonlight streaming through the window. “What are you doing?” “Taking my clothes off.” Brian slipped off his shoes and then his pants. “I find I sleep better naked.” “Me too, but isn’t it too early to go to bed.” Suddenly Justin was nervous. He hadn’t gotten so far in his thinking. Now faced with a naked Brian, he began to shake. “No it isn’t too early. It’s after eleven and knowing you, we won’t be sleeping right away.” Brian headed naked for the bathroom. “do you have an extra tooth brush?” “No” “Fine, I’ll use yours.” Brian brushed his teeth, relieved his bladder and then washed his hands. Justin was still rooted to the center of the living room. His imagination running rampant with visions of Brian preparing for bed. “I hope you still sleep on the left, because I’m taking the right.” Justin heard the sound of the bed when Brian climbed in. Not trusting himself to say a word, Justin got himself ready for bed, his hand shaking slightly at what was about to happen. He delayed as long as he could before finding his way to the bed. He got into it, wondering why Brian wasn’t saying anything. He lay there stiffly listening to Brian breathe until he finally realized that the older man had fallen asleep. Smiling, Justin turned on his side and snuggled close, he wrapped himself around Brian like he used to years ago. Placing a kiss against Brian’s throat, Justin drifted off to sleep almost immediately. He didn’t know that hazel eyes stared up at the ceiling. He never knew when a strong arm wrapped around him, or soft lips kissed his forehead as the thick duvet was brought up high and tucked tightly around his body. He never knew that he was watched in the moonlight by those same hazel eyes or saw the tears that traced their way down Brian’s smooth cheek until he too fell into a deep sleep. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The next morning Brian woke up to brilliant sunlight streaming through every window in Justin’s apartment. For a moment he had no idea where he was and then he turned to one side and saw Justin staring at him intently. “Hey beautiful.” Brian said with a smile. “What are you looking at?” “You, I can see your form in the sunlight. I see light and dark and shadows, lots and lots of shadows. Right now I see a ‘Brian’ shadow.” Justin grinned and it was almost like it had been. “If you can see shadows, why can’t they do something so that you can see more than shadows?” Brian had to ask. “I don’t know.” Justin admitted. “I traced your body with my fingers while you slept. I remembered it all except for the scar right here.” Justin’s fingers brushed the scar where Brian’s testicle had been removed. Brian sighed. “I had cancer. They removed a testicle.” “Oh my gawd Brian.” Justin threw himself into Brian’s arms. “Please say you’re alright.” “Of course I’m alright.” Brian rubbed Justin’s back reassuringly. “It was a bitch for a few weeks, but I survived. I get regular check ups and you notice I no longer smoke.” “I did notice that.” Justin admitted. “How did you find out?” “It was a trick. He was a doctor and discovered the lump when he was blowing me.” “Lucky for you.” “I didn’t think so at the time, but I do now.” Brian gave a half shrug, slightly hampered by his arms that were full of a warm and naked Justin. He began to kiss the man in his arms and soon their cocks were vying for space under the sheets. Brian pulled away first. “Justin, I don’t want you to do anything you aren’t ready for.” “I’ve been ready for this for a long, long time.” Justin began to move lower on Brian’s body, his mouth biting and kissing as he whispered words of love. Brian’s head went back as he allowed himself to be worshiped. His fingers twined with Justin’s as he arched his back in ecstasy. Much to Brian’s chagrin and Justin’s amusement, Brian shot his load down Justin’s throat the instant the head of his cock hit the back of Justin’s mouth. Justin eased back up to Brian’s head and kissed him deeply, allowing the older man to taste himself. “Remember when we used to do that all the time?” Justin purred, satisfied with himself. “And I remember when you used to cum from blowing me.” Brian stretched. “It still works.” Justin was pleased. “You’re all wet and sticky, while I on the other hand made sure that I had a high protein breakfast.” “And despite your added years, you Sunshine are still a brat.” Brian smacked him playfully on the ass. “Ow, blind man here. I can’t defend myself.” Justin joked. “The day when you can’t defend yourself has yet to happen.” Brian snorted. “Let’s have a shower and you can make me a coffee.” “I take it that you don’t mind me waiting on you.” Justin said. “No it doesn’t bother me in the least.” Brian said as he sat up on the side of the bed. “You always did make great coffee.” “So I don’t have to worry about you coddling me.” “No you don’t.” Brian stood up. Justin got out of bed and walked toward his kitchen. He couldn’t see Brian watching his every move and mentally chastising himself when Justin, stumbled over his pants that had been left on the floor. “I’ll start the coffee, if you’ll start the shower.” Justin said kicking the offending pants out of the way. “No problem.” Brian answered while he quietly moved the pants and everything else that had been left on the floor the night before. “Don’t be long.” Justin laughed to himself. He had heard Brian tidying up the room. Brian would never change no matter what he said. It was actually rather comforting though he would never let Brian know it. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It was mid morning by the time they had showered and dressed and then showered again. Brian had insisted that they change the bedding and tidy up the studio apartment before they left. “Brian, we can do it later.” Justin couldn’t believe he was anxious to go to Brian’s loft. “Justin, do you have a cleaning service?” Brian asked. “Yes.” “And when do they come?” “Twice a week.” “And that would be???” Brian asked. “Tuesday and Friday’s.” Justin shrugged and walked into the bedroom. Brian would never leave the bedding for another day. He might as well give in. “You are so anal.” He muttered. “I like to sleep in fresh bedding.” Brian joined him. Together they made up the bed. “It seems to me you used to grumble about this when we were together before.” “And you used to be just as much of a fuss budget.” “Fuss budget?” Brian snorted. “Are you channeling your grandmother Sunshine?” “Asshole.” Brian walked around the bed and picked Justin up hanging him over his shoulder. Justin began to laugh and struggle but Brian was stronger and he knew it. Brian carried him to the sofa where he threw Justin on his back and then lay on top of him. “Take that back.” He muttered in a growl. “Stop picking on me.” Justin laughed. “It’s no fair, I can’t see you.” “I think I’m going to like this relationship.” Brian replied. “We have a relationship?” Justin asked. “I barely know you.” “You know me all too well Sunshine.” Brian rested his head on Justin’s shoulder. This time it was Justin who wrapped his arms around Brian, holding him tightly. “Okay, we have a relationship.” “Cool, you guys are getting along.” Gus said from the door. “I knocked like a hundred times, but you never answered so I came on up. Molly said I could. She even gave me a key.” Gus walked to the sofa and leaned his elbows on the back peering over at his father and Justin. “Dad aren’t you kind of heavy? You’re squashing JC.” “Gus, are you hanging over the sofa?” Justin asked. “Yeah, I could lick you I’m so close.” “Well go sit somewhere else. One Kinney breathing on me at a time please.” Brian laughed but he moved off of Justin, not before he kissed him soundly though. “There, no more squashed Sunshine.” “I like feeling you on me.” Justin admitted. “Hey, I can hear you.” Gus piped up. “If you didn’t want to hear stuff like that you shouldn’t have come upstairs.” Brian said. “Why aren’t you in school?” “I have to go to the dentist so mom said I could take the morning off. I was riding my bike past and saw your car.” Gus looked at his father and Justin. “So did you guys like do it last night?” Justin snickered. Brian answered. “It’s none of your business Sonnyboy.” “Sure it is, well not the sex part. I kind of want you to settle down dad and JC is pretty cool.” “Thanks Gus.” Justin said. “You’re pretty cool yourself. Your dad and I are going over to the loft so he can change his clothes. You’d better get to the dentist.” “And Gus,” Brian began. “Keep this between us will you. Justin and I need to come to terms with a lot of things before we add your Uncle Mikey and the gang into our relationship.” “There you go with the ‘R’ word again.” Justin teased. “Wow, you’re going out with dad. Out of the house and everything.” Gus was impressed. “That’s like complete cool. I wish I could come too.” “Why don’t you come over for dinner on Friday night?” Justin offered. “I’ll fix you your favorite spaghetti.” “Is dad going to be there?” Gus asked. “Yes your dad is going to be there.” Brian answered for Justin. “I don’t know about the spaghetti though. I don’t eat a lot of carbs.” “I’m sure we can find something for you to eat. “ Justin laughed. “That involves protein.” Brian burst out laughing and pulled Justin close to him. “Brat” he whispered in his ear. “Gus go to the dentist and keep quiet.” “I’m going, I’m going.” Gus laughed and kissed his father’s cheek and then Justin’s. “Thanks for putting up with dad Justin, he really needed to find you again.” Both men listened as Gus shut the apartment door and clattered down the stairs. “He’s definitely your son.” Justin said with a smile. “I’m sorry I missed him growing up.” “I’m sorry you did too.” Brian sighed. “But the interesting years are just beginning. Are you willing to share them with me?” “You know I am.” Justin said his voice confident. He realized as he stood in his apartment, Brian’s arm around him. That life had changed for him. Life had become filled with light just like Gus’ stories.