Misty Moonlight 12 “I don’t know who he is. There was an anonymous 911 call about a dead man by the river. He looked pretty rough; I can see why whoever called figured he was dead.” The harried ER nurse looked down at the clipboard she carried and then back at the young policeman. “I’ll put him down as a John Doe for now. He’s dressed in designer clothing, someone will miss him soon. Can you call us as soon as you hear any missing person reports that fit our man?” “Sure Selma, no problem.” With a smile Selma turned and headed back where Brian lay. She quickly relayed the little bit of information that she had to the admitting doctor and then left. An hour later a decision had been made to operate. A visiting neurosurgeon was pressed into service due to the nature of the emergency. Two hours later the surgery had barely begun when he realized he was in for a lot more than he’d bargained for. A tumor was wrapped around facial and auditory nerves and almost touching the spinal cord. Brian wouldn’t have lived out the month without this surgery. As it was, it was touch and go if he’d even live through the surgery. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin paced back and forth in his room. He’d refused to go to school; he knew he couldn’t concentrate knowing something bad had happened to Brian. He prayed that Gus had been able to convince the other Justin to switch places. He didn’t blame the other boy for taking so long to decide. Justin himself didn’t want to leave his family and friends knowing that he’d never see them again, but he had to do it for the man he loved. He knew that it was his destiny despite anything Brian might have thought. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Gus along with the Justin of his dimension sat in the waiting room waiting for Brian to come out of recovery and be put in his ICU room. Marc was talking quietly on the phone. They had finally located Brian after hours of phone calls and now they learned that Brian’s worst fears had come to pass. He would have a long and hard recovery if he recovered at all. His fractured skull from the baseball bat had only complicated matters. Suddenly it was as if time had stopped. Gus could see the floor nurses working, but it was like looking into a picture. The sky outside became dark and a full moon shone brightly in the daytime sky. Mist began to roll over the cityscape and Gus wasn’t surprised to see Justin looking worriedly back at him from his bedroom. The Justin who stood beside Gus couldn’t keep his mouth shut, he was so surprised despite Gus having told him about the other dimension. Two pairs of identical blue eyes met. One curious, the other filled with fear and worry for the man he loved. Then a woman’s voice was heard. They all looked around to see where it was coming from. Only the three boys could hear what was being said. The hospital staff continued with their everyday business. Six times six by sixteen has barely begun - six times six by seventeen should be the time of ripening yet I am called forth now – I see that one’s love is pure and true and that he has unselfishly sacrificed for his mate – but the mate does not yet return that sacrifice – and perhaps he never will – the prophecies spoke true – I can not interfere – yet I can give you this. Six times six by one – love freely given must be returned – sacrifices must be freely accepted – I give you this six times six by one. What has started must not be undone. Ozone could be smelled on the air and with a bright flash of lightning that startled everyone, the two Justin’s exchanged places and the dimension closed. “Holy shit what was that all about?” Justin asked Gus quietly. He had never experienced Antiqua’s weird predictions or voice. “I think she was saying you have one year to make Dad love you the way you love him. I kind of think he does already, but he just isn’t ready to admit it to himself.” Gus whispered back. “And Justin, we have a big problem.” Gus proceeded to tell Justin what the Doctor had told Marc and himself. Justin’s knees gave way and he sank gratefully into the chair behind him as Gus described everything that had happened to Brian. His eyes filled with tears when he heard about the facial paralysis. He knew how vain Brian was about his looks. And now, if he and Brian could work out their feelings for one another in the next year, then Brian would be with him for eternity. Justin mentally straightened his spine and looked at Gus. “Gus, I’m going to need all the help I can get from you. You know how much I love your father. I’m not going to let him slip away. Doctors say shit all the time about how you’ll never walk again and stuff and yet people do. So I say that together, we’ll work with Brian to get back all that he ever was before he turns thirty.” Gus smiled and nodded his agreement. “That’s a pretty unrealistic goal you’ve set yourselves.” Marc said. He’d overheard Justin’s words. Justin turned to look at the old man. He knew he’d need this man on his side right from the beginning if anything was going to work between him and Brian. “Mr. – he began. “Call me Marc.” Marc interrupted. “Marc, I don’t know how much you know about me and Brian. But he loves me and I love him. I know that there is an age difference, but we’ve known each other a long time. I really think I can make a difference.” “Brian can be stubborn.” Marc said. “He didn’t want the kind of surgery he had and he would have refused it if he’d been asked.” “I know, but maybe it was taken out of his hands for a reason. Maybe Brian’s time on earth is only really beginning. He is so kind hearted, a truly good soul, that maybe the powers that be have a purpose for him to fulfill yet.” “That could be, though you’ll never convince Brian of that, so if I were you I’d come up with a different argument.” “I’ll have time. I’m not leaving him. I have a year to convince him.” “Or what, you’ll disappear in a puff of smoke? You’ll spontaneously combust? You’ll run off with some fiddle player?” Marc said with a laugh. “You can’t put a time limit on this kind of thing.” “Not usually, no.” Justin agreed. “But in this case Gus and I have to set goals. Isn’t that right Gus?” he asked his young friend. “That’s right Grandpa Marc. It’s important to set yourself goals if you want to do something right.” Gus chimed in. “This isn’t some school project boys. This is Brian Kinney’s life.” Marc spoke angrily. “He was a young and beautiful man. It’s all been taken away from him with one hit on the head. I could hardly blame him if he wanted to give up on life. I know where he’s coming from.” Marc held up his twisted and knurled hands, the arthritic joints painfully swollen. “Look at me, I once had beautiful hands, a beautiful body and now look.” “But you are still my Grandpa; you are still beautiful to me.” Gus’ voice was low and full of tears. “Not everyone looks at the outside of people. I bet if Grandpa Curtis was still here he’d kick your ass for talking like that. He loved you just the way you are.” Marc’s eyes filled with tears when Gus mentioned Curtis’ love. He knew his grandson was right. He looked at the anguish in Justin’s blue eyes and the determination in the set of his jaw. He knew this young man would fight to the very end for the man he loved. He’d never let Brian spend a minute of his life feeling unloved or ugly, because to him he’d always be Brian Kinney, the handsomest man on Liberty Avenue. “It looks like they’re putting Brian in his room now.” Marc observed. The three of them looked toward the gurney that was being wheeled down the hall. A doctor was following it and he broke off from the group and walked slowly toward Brian’s family. They had listened to him once just after the surgery, he didn’t look too happy now. “Mr. Kinney is awake and is being settled in his room. We want to watch him carefully for at least twenty four hours before moving him to his own room.” He looked at all of their expectant faces. “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but he managed to get across that he doesn’t want any of you to visit him.” “That’s too bad Doctor.” Justin spoke up. “I’m his partner and Brian has very little to say about it.” “I don’t want him agitated or upset. You have to give him time to accept what has happened to him. He’ll never be the same again.” The doctor tried to patiently explain. “I suppose you told him that.” Justin’s voice was bitter. “I told him the truth.” “You told him what you feel is the truth. Not what can happen.” Justin began to walk toward the hospital room. “Just a minute there young man.” The doctor called after him. Justin ignored him and continued to Brian’s room. He could hear Marc and Gus talking and knew that they would set the other man straight. Justin walked confidently up to Brian’s bed. He took in the head swathed in bandages, the missing hair that had been shaved, and the stains from the antiseptic that had been painted on Brian’s scalp that trailed down the man’s neck. Justin ignored the obvious droop to the left side of Brian’s face as he leaned over and kissed his lips gently. “I’ve waited a long time to kiss you.” he whispered. “But it was worth the wait, fuck it’s good to see you.” his voice was firm and steady and he smiled radiantly. Brian tried to say something, he tried to move his head as well, but all he could do was glare at Justin with fear and anger. “What’s that, you love me too?” Justin kissed him again. “Brian, don’t try and talk now. We’ll work on that later. You just had surgery, give it time. We’ve got nothing but time now that we’re together. There was no way Justin was going to tell Brian of the one year time limit on the two of them being together. He knew that the stubborn man would try and hold out for the year thinking he was doing it for Justin’s own good. “I’m going to sit here and hold your hand so you don’t disappear. I want you to try and rest. Give your body a chance to heal. Gus and Marc will pop in for a minute to reassure themselves you’re still alive and then they’ll head home. But I won’t leave you Brian. You aren’t alone. You’ll never be alone again.” Justin sat in the chair that he’d pulled closer to Brian’s bed and reaching his hand through the bars of the rail, he threaded his fingers through Brian’s. At first Brian’s hand was stiff and unresponsive, but Justin continued to let his thumb caress what it could reach and gradually the stiffness left and Brian clutched tightly to Justin as if it was only that hand that held him in place. Justin looked at his love’s face and when a single tear escaped the tightly closed eyelid, he reached up and brushed it away. “It’ll be alright Brian, I’ll never leave you.” Justin whispered. “I love you more than you can even imagine.” ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian lay still. He kept his eyes shut not wanting to see the loathing in his son’s eyes or Marc’s. He pretended to sleep as they came into the room, but he listened carefully. “Is dad okay Justin?” Gus whispered hoarsely. “He’s tired now Gus, it’s been a long day for all of us, but Brian most of all. He’ll be fine.” “I’m glad you’re here for him.” “Where else would I be?” Justin smiled. “I love him.” “Me too.” Gus kissed Justin’s cheek. “Give him a kiss for me when he wakes up.” “I will” “Justin, I’ll bring you some fresh clothes and toiletries.” Marc said. “I don’t really have anything” Justin began. “Justin, don’t worry about it. I think I know what’s going on. My mind hasn’t quite wrapped around it, but Gus and I will see that you’re looked after.” He bent down and kissed Brian’s bad cheek and whispered. “We’ll leave you now son, Justin will watch over you, don’t worry.” Movement under Brian’s eyelids told him he’d been heard. Brian heard the door to his room shut. He could hear the hiss and wheeze of various machines and the gentle breathing of the young man holding his hand. Everything that had happened seemed to overwhelm him and he wanted to scream, but he couldn’t even do that right. He realized when he’d tried to talk in the recovery room that his worst fears had happened and now he needed time to think of a way out of this mess he was in. Somehow though he couldn’t bring himself to let go of the hand that was keeping him grounded, the warmth and love of Justin seemed to emanate from that point and sweep up and around him like some kind of soft and wonderful blanket. It must be the drugs he thought as he let himself drift off to sleep knowing that Justin was watching out for him. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Meanwhile in another dimension Justin found himself standing in a well appointed bedroom surrounded by things he’d only dreamed about owning. “Hey Justin” his door opened and in rushed his little sister Molly, her red pigtails flying as she shot past him and threw herself on his bed. This was definitely not the little sister he was used to, the one who couldn’t pass him without kicking him if she even noticed him at all. “Molly, you should knock or at least wait until I open the door.” Justin began. “Why?” she looked at him her eyes big and round. “I need to talk to you.” Justin rolled his eyes and looked at her. “About what?” he asked. “I heard Mom talking with Dad, they want to send me to summer camp this year. The same one you went to only the girl’s one.” Justin who couldn’t imagine going to summer camp just shrugged. “So?” “You hated it, I know you did. They know you did. Why do they think I’ll like it any better?” her eyes filled with tears. “What am I going to do? All my friends will be here and I’ll be in the middle of some stupid woods.” “What can I do about it?” he asked. “You could take me with you to your job at the Centre. I can learn art like the other kids.” Justin almost panicked and then he remembered Gus had told him about this job. “I think you’re too old for the program.” “But then I could be sort of a helper. Can you ask Lindsay, please, pretty please with sugar on it?” “Molly, Justin?” a woman’s voice called out. Justin tried not to cringe, he’d been the brunt of too many of his mother’s temper tantrums. “There you are.” She said as she entered Justin’s room. She kissed Justin on the forehead as she made her way to the bed to sit beside Molly. “Molly I told you we would discuss it in the morning.” Justin glowed with the love and attention. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Justin woke up when the early morning sun shone on his face. He opened his eyes to see two hazel ones staring at him. “Hey Brian, you’re awake – happy birthday.” Justin grinned. Brian blinked at him, his eyes hardening when he realized Justin was looking at him. But Justin continued to smile; he’d seen the love and trust in the hazel eyes before they’d darkened. He removed his hand from Brian’s and shook some feeling back into it and then leaned over to kiss Brian. The other man turned his head away but Justin, his hand under Brian’s chin turned it back so that he could kiss him. “I think this is going to be my favorite part of being in this world, waking up and kissing you.” Justin said and kissed Brian again, this time rewarded with a tiny bit of movement in Brian’s lips. “You know part of your therapy will be trying to regenerate the nerves in your face and that will involve mouth movement – I bet kissing is a great exercise for those lips of yours. I’m going to love this.” Justin’s good nature was infectious and even Brian, as depressed as he was couldn’t help but feel a flush of pleasure at the young man’s words. Brian tried to speak but what came out was more of a guttural sound than a word. He closed his eyes in frustration. Just then a nurse came in. “Let’s take your BP and temp Mr. Kinney. I want to check your dressing and then we’ll disconnect you from some of these machines. I imagine you could use the quiet.” She looked at Justin. “We’ll be giving Mr. Kinney a sponge bath when he’s free of the hardware. You can go get some breakfast.” “That’s okay; I’ll give Brian his sponge bath.” Justin said and giggled. “It’s his birthday after all.” Brian tried to shake his head no. “Happy birthday Mr. Kinney,” she said and then turning to Justin, “it’ll free up one of the other nurses. Everything you need is in this cupboard. We’ll be moving Mr. Kinney to his own room and then once doctor has seen him and the physiotherapist, he’ll be a free man for a few hours.” “Can I let him have some water?” Justin asked. “He looks awfully thirsty.” “He can’t swallow properly yet, you have to be very careful. He needs to be trained and so do you.” “What about small ice chips and I’ll make sure the head of the bed is elevated?” Justin asked. “I promise to be careful.” “That should be fine, but very small ice chips.” She cautioned before leaving. Justin headed after her to get a glass of ice. In no time at all he returned. Taking a spoon he found a small piece and tried to put it in Brian’s mouth only to have it fall out and down behind his neck. Brian glared at him. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. You have to try too.” Justin grumbled. He knew that coddling Brian wasn’t the answer. After the third try(,) Justin put a piece of ice in his mouth and leaned over putting his lips against Brian’s in a slow kiss, the ice dissolved, then remembering what his mother used to do to get their cat to swallow medicine, Justin gently rubbed Brian’s throat causing him to swallow. Brian sighed, grateful for the cold wetness even if it was only miniscule. Justin continued until Brian shook his head that he was okay for now. “No more kisses?” Justin asked and stuck out his bottom lip in a parody of a sulking child. Brian’s eyes danced with amusement and his right hand gripped the back of Justin’s head pulling him down for a kiss. Not the best he’d ever done, but Justin got the point. “Now comes the fun part.” Justin said as he gathered up what was needed for Brian’s sponge bath. “I get to give you a bath.” Brian growled and Justin laughed. “Won’t work big guy, it’s your reward for being such a good kisser.” Brian rolled his eyes. Justin had never done this kind of thing before, but he wasn’t about to let Brian know that. He made sure a towel was handy and he carefully washed and dried all of Brian that he could all the while chatting about his old life and wondering what his new one would bring. He told Brian about the other Justin who had gone back to take his place and he explained why Gus and he had thought it would be a good idea. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Brian’s POV I knew something was wrong immediately. The last thing I remember was sitting on the bench looking into the river and now I can smell the distinctive antiseptic smell of a hospital. My head is killing me, fuck I’ve never had a headache this bad. I can hear someone calling my name insisting that I wake up and I want to scream for them to shut the fuck up, my head is about to fall off. I squint, barely opening my eyes before shutting them tightly again. A female voice telling me that I just had surgery and asking me questions I can’t answer. I fucking can’t answer, I can’t make my mouth form the words and I fall back into welcoming darkness again. The next time I wake up, I feel nauseous and my head still hurts, though with that kind of fuzz covering pain that only the best drugs give you. I refused to open my eyes. I didn’t want to be wherever the fuck I was but they must have a sixth sense, because soon I had both a man and a woman on my case about waking up, fuck that and I drifted off again thankful for the drugs. Apparently my desire for sleep was against some lame ass rule and the next thing I know some asshole is shaking me awake. Once again I barely open my eyes and try to tell whoever it is to fuck off and once again I can’t talk. All that comes out is some kind of animal sound and I want to scream and scream and scream. I know immediately what’s happened. I’ll kill the son of a bitch who did this. They had no fucking right to do the surgery without my permission and for some reason I start to cry which pisses me off even more and I fall back into oblivion with the drone of what had to be my doctor’s voice in my ear explaining what I already knew. They moved me to my room; I kept my eyes shut feigning sleep though I don’t think they were fooled. They actually expected me to cooperate moving from the gurney to a bed. Well fuck them and the horse they rode in on. It wasn’t my god damn idea to be here in the first place. Note to self, rip that fucking doctor a new asshole when I can, his bedside manner sucks big time. Telling me I’ll never speak or eat properly or fucking walk right because I can’t balance properly. Fuck him. And then Justin was there, my Justin who I’ve known forever and who has haunted my dreams for months. He kissed me and I could hear the happiness in his voice. He smoothed back my hair, gawd knows what it looks like, he kissed me again and he told me he loved me and would never leave me. I was sure I was dreaming or hallucinating until I found his fingers linking with mine and for some reason I knew I was safe. I knew he wasn’t kidding when he said he’d look out for me. Gus and Marc were there and then they were gone leaving Justin alone with me. I wanted to say something to him and I couldn’t and it pissed me off ‘cause this could be the rest of my life. I slept off and on all night. Oh they came in and checked on me dozens of times and I managed to get across that I wanted a blanket over Justin who was sleeping sitting in the chair beside me holding my hand. I couldn’t make myself let go of his hand, it was the only thing that kept me from flying apart while I analyzed what had happened and what I was going to do about it. And then it was morning and blue eyes found mine. I tried to hide my feelings but I swear to god he knew what I was thinking. He knew I was desperately thirsty and he fed me ice chips like a mother bird would feed her baby. It would have been sensuous had it not been so pathetic that I couldn’t fucking swallow drips of water. But he made a game of it and made me feel like ‘I’ was doing ‘him’ a favor by allowing this indignity. I wondered again what I had done to deserve Justin here at my side. It wasn’t night, there was no full moon and yet there he was by my side. And then it hit me. He was here, the legend had come to pass. Was I condemned to an eternity looking like a fucking freak with my handsome lover at my side until he tired of me and disappeared to his own devices? I know I glared at him and he only laughed as he began to bathe me, his touch sure and true. He talked to me all the while explaining what he and Gus had planned and how it all had worked out. He seemed pleased with himself and he talked of love and how he’d felt about me for years and how happy he was to be with me. And I wanted to cry because I couldn’t let him waste his life like this. I wanted to have him hold me forever yet I couldn’t let him know that. I was desperate to run and then he lowered the rails on my bed, and climbed on it with me wrapping his arms around me and holding me tight, kissing me gently and telling me not to be afraid and I cried. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Later that day Brian lay back in his hospital bed exhausted. He’d been poked and prodded, endured visits from various doctors and nurses and therapists and now Justin who had sat through all of the activity and conferred with the doctors and nurses like he’d been doing it all of his life, was insisting he put on his silk pajamas. “Brian it will make you feel better. Trust me hospital faded green nighties aren’t the best look for you.” “Who the fuck cares” Brian said though the words were unintelligible. “I care asshole and so do you if you’d admit it.” Justin said. He had the top of the bed up so that Brian was sitting upright. “Lean forward while I undo the ties at the back.” Brian glared at him stubbornly. “look buddy, I can out stubborn you so don’t even go there. You might as well give in and let me help you into these ridiculous silk pajamas. I mean who really wears these things?” Justin looked at the forest green heavy silk and shook his head. “Flannel or cotton I can understand, but silk?” he grinned at Brian. “I sleep in the nude, you’ll find out when we go back to your place.” Brian shook his head no but leaned forward and let Justin untie his gown. “You are not going to live with me.” He said in his garbled speech. “Sure I am. I didn’t cross over the dimensions; give up my home and family just to bunk in with Gus and Fluffy. My ass is yours or yours is mine at the moment.” He laughed. “I am soooooooo on to you Mr. Kinney.” He stressed the words Mr. Kinney as he helped Brian out of the gown and into his pajama top, snaking the intravenous bag through the sleeve and quickly hanging it back up in case someone noticed. “Now I know you can put your own pants on. I’ll start them over your long legs so you don’t fall on your face. We must work on that balance thing, but you can pull them up over your fat ass.” “I do not have a fat ass.” Brian grumbled but pulled up the heave silk before laying back. Justin was right; he did feel better out of the hospital gown. “I thought that would get you moving.” Justin answered with a laugh. “Hey wasn’t that soup great? I always thought hospital food was supposed to be terrible.” Justin had helped Brian eat some broth with a minimum of spillage, finishing off what Brian hadn’t eaten. Brian wondered and not for the first time, how in hell Justin knew what he was saying. It was weird how no matter what, the blond always knew. “So we only have a couple more days here and then you can be treated on an outpatient basis. That’ll be cool. Can I drive your car? I could drive you everywhere.” “I don’t need my fucking balance to drive.” Brian said. “I know you don’t, but still, you can’t really drive for at least a month after this kind of surgery, maybe longer. They’re afraid you might have seizures.” “I can’t drive for two years.” Brian mumbled ashamed to admit it. He’d had seizures before the surgery though he didn’t always heed the doctor’s instructions. “Two years, wow, that’s great. I can hardly wait to drive.” Justin beamed at him. “I can drive you to work and everything.” “Never going to work again.” “Of course you are. There’s no way I’m letting you sit on your ass feeling sorry for yourself. Besides, I’m a very expensive boyfriend. I need you to make lots of money.” “Not my boyfriend and make your own money.” Brian tried to turn away from the blazing blue eyes that could read him like a book. “I’ll pretend I couldn’t understand that sentence.” Justin laughed. “Hey this could work out great. Until you get your speech back, I can ‘hear’ only what I want to hear.” He looked at Brian trying to look serious “Of course I would NEVER take advantage of it.” “Asshole” “I love you too Brian.” Justin grinned at him and Brian had to relent with a lopsided smile. “Dad” Gus all but yelled as he walked quickly into the room. “You look great” He looked around as if for permission and then despite being ten he climbed up on Brian’s bed to give him a hug. “Funky hair cut dad.” He said with a grin. He looked over at Justin. “Hey Justin, we could put blue die in it for the punk look.” “Not a chance Sonny Boy” Brian said with a smile. Gus looked at him with a question in his eyes. He hadn’t understood him. “He said not a chance Sonny Boy” Justin translated. “I don’t fucking need a translator to talk to my son.” “Apparently you do. So stop bitching.” Justin looked at Gus. “It’s okay Gus, he’s a tad grouchy. Think of this as a really, really bad hang over.” “How come you know what Dad says?” Gus asked. “That’s easy, ‘cause Brian is part of me and I’m part of him. We aren’t complete without each other. So of course I can understand him.” Gus looked at his father and asked. “Do you really feel like you have a hangover. Like that time you and Uncle Mikey and Auntie Em went to Babylon on Uncle Mikey’s birthday?” “Yes” “Hey Dad, I understood that.” Gus beamed. “Cool, I can speak Dad.” Brian rolled his eyes. “It’s going to be tough to feel sorry for myself around you two.” He grumbled. “That’s the plan Brian.” Justin said. “Hi Brian, Justin.” Marc said as he walked in the room. “I see Gus has made himself at home.” “Hi Grandpa Marc, did you ask the doctor when we can take Dad home?” “Yes, they want to keep him here for at least forty eight hours and then he can come home.” “That’s a long time” Gus grumbled. “Fluffy has been sooooo worried.” “Justin you can come back with us if you’d like. I’m sure you’d like a shower and a change of clothes.” Marc smiled at the blond. “I can shower here and I can borrow hospital scrubs if you can’t find me anything to wear.” “Go to the loft Justin, you can’t stay here with me.” Brian explained. Gus and Marc looked at Brian and then at Justin not understanding “Brian, I told you before, I’m not leaving until you do. What’s the point of arguing, I’ll only win.” Marc laughed. “I see Justin has your number Brian.” He looked at Justin. “As a matter of fact, Gus and I did bring you some things to change into.” “Brian and I can go shopping together in a week or so.” “I’m not going out in public looking like this Sunshine, so forget it.” “You can’t hide in the loft forever Quasimodo. We’ll go shopping, I happen to know it’s one of your favorite pastimes second only to….” He stopped remembering Gus was there. “I know, Daddy likes to pick up guys at Babylon.” Gus said with an innocent grin. Marc looked scandalized and Brian flushed, Justin laughed. “What, everyone knows that, Uncle Mikey told me that they call Dad the stud of Liberty Avenue.” Gus looked at the adults. “You don’t mind do you Justin?” “No, I don’t mind.” Justin said with a laugh, though he was secretly hoping Brian would find enough loving right at home from now on. “We’ll talk about it later.” Brian growled. “I have to piss so unless you want me flat on my face, can you help me to the bathroom?” “Since you asked so nicely.” Justin said. “I can do that.” He turned to the other two. “Brian needs to use the bathroom over there. Because of the damage to the auditory section of his brain, it’s made him unbalanced, physically, not mentally, well not too much mentally.” He laughed when Brian attempted to swat him. “He’s going to learn how to walk without falling over eventually, but for right now he needs to concentrate on what he’s doing and a person to kind of focus on so that he doesn’t tip. Gus you watch what we do. We practiced this morning. You can do it too, it’s easy.” Justin looked at Brian. “Sorry for talking like you aren’t right there, but I want Gus to know how to help you recover. Someday this will all be just a distant memory.” Brian swung his legs off the side of the bed. The sudden movement sent waves of dizziness through him and made his head throb. Justin was right there and he placed his right hand on Justin’s shoulder while he let the room settle down. Knowing that blond was confident that he could do this, Brian stood up keeping his eyes closed. It helped keep his balance. They slowly turned and when the path to the bathroom was clearly in view, Brian opened his eyes and focused on the door but let Justin’s walk guide him forward. There was only a few moments of disorientation but he made it okay. He gave a thumbs up to his audience who watched all this quietly. “Hey Brian, you did a lot better this time. We’ll be dancing at Babylon in no time at all.” Justin reached up and kissed the older man’s cheek. Brian swayed slightly, “Don’t get to cocky Sunshine.” “You want me to hold your cock. I can do that” Justin said cheekily.” Brian rolled his eyes and then wished he hadn’t when the room began to spin. It was a few moments before he could concentrate on what he was supposed to be doing while Justin giggled. “Glad I can be so much fun for you.” Brian growled. “Hey, if you can’t laugh you might as well cry. I’m here, I’m with you. You’re alive and well, so am I. And I’m counting the days until I have you home and in bed so I can finally lose my virginity.” “So that’s what this is all about, you’re just horny” Brian laughed “Well aren’t you?” Justin asked as he helped Brian walk to the sink to wash his hands. “No” Justin turned and leaned into Brian resting his blond head on Brian’s chest, his arms tightly wrapped around Brian’s body. “I love you Brian. I can’t help it that I want you to make love to me. Maybe someday you’ll want me. I sure hope so.” His hands on Brian’s back rubbed and smoothed the tense muscles. Brian sighed. He did want the younger man. He’d wanted him for months as more than a friend, he’d wanted him as a lover, but now so much was different. He wasn’t the man he had been. He never would be that man again and Justin was so young and so beautiful both inside and out. He needed to toughen up or he’d be over run in this life. “Justin” he started to say trying to form the words his that his lips refused to. Wanting what he said to be perfectly understood by the man holding him. “Hey, did you guys fall in?” it was Gus knocking at the door. “Do you need some help?” he asked. Justin pulled away from Brian, glad of the interruption. He was afraid that Brian was going to try and push him away and he didn’t want the words to be said. It would make what he had to do just that much harder if Brian voiced what he had on his mind. “We’re okay.” He turned away but not before kissing Brian’s unresisting lips. “Later big guy” he whispered as he opened the bathroom door. “Can I help Dad back to bed?” Gus asked. He looked up at his father who tried to smile with his eyes in agreement. Brian reached for Gus’ shoulder and steadied himself. Gus began to walk toward the bed proud to be helping his father. Justin did his best not to hover, wanting to protect Brian but knowing that they both needed this time. Brian’s recovery from the surgery was amazing and he was ready to leave the hospital well before the required forty eight hours. He refused to look into a mirror and his face remained unshaven, not trusting Justin with a razor. Justin had assured him that he didn’t look too bad, but it hadn’t taken Brian long to realize that Justin saw him with rose colored glasses on. The blond was completely besotted with him. And yes that was the only word to describe what Justin felt. He was in love with Brian the only way an eighteen year old could love – with his complete being. Brian liked feeling loved, but he refused to allow himself the luxury of returning the feelings that Justin so badly wanted returned. He knew it was only a matter of time before the blond would find someone else to turn all of his love onto. Justin was a romantic and craved romance and hearts and flowers. Brian did too, but he was also older and more stubborn. He knew he could outlast Justin until the other man was ready to move on. This eternity stuff was probably all a bunch of crap anyway. Common sense would tell anyone that. Dressed casually, yet elegantly Brian allowed Justin to wheel him out of the hospital to the limousine that Marc and Gus were waiting in to take him home from the hospital. Justin’s eyes opened wide when he saw what was waiting. “Holy shit Brian, a limo?” he asked. “Cool” Brian laughed at Justin’s reaction, so much like his young son’s would have been and he was reminded again of their age difference. With Justin’s help he managed to get inside without falling on his battered face. “Hey Dad, should we stop at your hair stylist on the way home?” Gus asked innocently. “Like you really could use a hair cut.” “Thanks for reminding me Gus” Brian growled. Justin laughed. “Your dad just wants to go home right now Gus. I’ll trim his hair when we get there.” “Like fuck you will” “It’s either that or you’ll have to look like a refugee from the loony bin until where they shaved, grows out.” Justin said with a grin. “Phone Roberto and have him come to the loft.” Brian declared. Gus looked at Justin. “He wants us to call Roberto – I guess that’s his stylist to come to the loft.” Justin translated. “I’ve already taken care of that” Marc said. “I knew Brian would want to look his best while he’s recovering at home. “How did you keep all the family away from the hospital?” Brian asked knowing that Justin would relay what he’d said. “How did you guys keep the family away?” Marc looked embarrassed. “We had to promise that they could come over to the loft to welcome Brian home.” Brian turned to Justin and grabbed his hand. Justin could see the fear in his eyes. He knew he didn’t want anyone to see him until he learned some control over his facial muscles. Justin turned to Marc. “When are they coming?” he asked quietly. “This evening.” Marc had realized his error as soon as he’d seen Brian reach for Justin’s hand. “Brian, we’ll deal with this. I’ve got a plan. No one will see you and Gus will help me. You know that it’s inevitable so you might as well get it over with now.” Brian shook his head. “No Justin I can’t” he managed to say before retreating inside himself. Justin smoothed back what was left of the auburn silk, gave Brian’s hand a reassuring squeeze and kissed his cheek. “Brian, Gus and I will make sure that no one can see your face. We promise and we won’t break that promise.” “That’s right daddy” Gus said going back to his childhood name for Brian. “Justin and I will protect you.” Brian closed his eyes while the car moved through the Pittsburgh streets. The weight of the last few days heavy on his shoulders as he thought of horror of his face and what everyone would say when they saw him. The last thing he needed was to see pity reflecting out of his friends eyes. Tbc.