Nothing Matters When We're Dancing Part 3 Four days after the gang left for France, Brian finally gave in and answered Michael's phone call. He'd called frequently every day and Brian had managed until now to avoid talking to him. He couldn't deal with Michael's never ending whining and carping about Justin, maybe today he'd have the patience. "What do you want?" "Where the hell have you been, I've called you every day now since Mom and Vic left." "I wasn't aware I was supposed to sign in with you Mikey. What a surprise, I thought I was all grown up, a big boy with his own place and his own life. Not to mention that this conversation has already taken place an number of times and it hasn't changed." "You're my friend, I was concerned." "About what? Once again I go to work, I come home and work, I sleep. I've been doing it for years and no one ever was concerned about it." "You know what I mean." "Actually, Mikey, I don't know. Now why don't you go bother Ben?" "Everybody going to France to see Justin "Yes, I hope they all have a great holiday, it's not often they'll get a chance to see France with all expenses covered. Now Mikey, I'm going to finish up some reports I have here. I'm sure we'll talk later." He hung up before his friend had a chance to say anything. "Cynthia," he bellowed "I'm not in to Mikey until further notice." "Yes Boss." Cynthia would be glad when Brian would finally go and see Justin. She figured he was wavering because she caught him looking up France on the internet. The biggest problem with Brian was his stubbornness. Some days when she'd see him staring at Justin's picture for hours, she wanted to go in a smack him a good one upside the head. She would have been surprised to know what Brian was doing in his office sixteen hours a day for the past four days. He was scanning excerpts from his own hand written journal that he'd kept since he was eight years old and stolen his sister's new diary she'd received for Christmas that year. He faithfully bought a new book every December and did his best to record something daily. He kept them all in a small safe in his office, no one knew about them, but that would change. Brian inserted a disk and quickly accessed his file. When he was finished he would burn a disc and send it to Justin. For once Justin would know what Brian felt. He had five more days to finish his scanning and then he figured it would take two days to courier the disk to Justin. Justin should have read it before the going home celebration ball that Sebastian had planned for the Pittsburgh gang. He began to type, his stomach nervous at the thought of what Justin might do. Maybe he'd left it too late and his baby would never come back to him. Brian sighed and began typing furiously on his cover letter. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- December 1979 This is the true story of Brian Andrew Kinney, eight years old, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, United States of America, the World. This story will be secret until I am a famous scientist and the world wants my story. My probably adopted sister Claire donated this book for my writing but she doesn't know it yet. She got too much stuff for Christmas anyway. I got clothes. Jack Kinney my evil father doesn't do Christmas, his bad wife called Joan only gives clothes to boys. This Christmas was boring as usual. Jack and Joan had a big fight. Jack threw the Christmas tree out the door. Claire started bawling and I stayed right where I was behind the sofa. No one ever sees Brian Andrew Kinney when he's got his invisible cape on. New Years Eve 1980 Things I will do in 1980 I will smoke I will write in my journal faithfully every day I will lift some weights every day and get big muscles and punch Jack out. I will not talk to girls especially Claire who is probably adopted. May 1980 I am nine years old today. I had a party with my bear. Claire said I was a baby because she sneaked in my room and saw me and BearBear with the cookies. She squealed on me and now Jack is going to get me. I'm running away as soon as it gets dark. I wish my muscles would grow faster. June 1980 This is the last day of school and I got the cast off my arm today. Joan gave me money for the bus to the hospital but I kept it and walked. I will start saving for my escape from the evil Jack and Joan. July 1980 I go back to the evil family I live with tomorrow. Father Joe says that I have to live with them forever because I'm impure. Father Joe stinks. He should have a bath once in a while. He has dirt marks on his fat white belly. I like camp but I don't like Father Joe. September 1980 Sister saw Jack's finger prints on my arm. Jack is in big trouble and I didn't tell. October 1980 When I'm big I'm never going to hit kids ever. I will never hit anybody in my whole life after I punch out Jack and maybe Claire. Christmas 1980 This is a good Christmas. Jack punched Mr. Sliemen in the nose and the police took Jack away. I hope forever. Got more clothes which are stupid `cause I know Joan bought them at the Big Q and I will never wear clothes bought at the Big Q. Claire got clothes too but she likes hers. Girls are stupid. New Years 1981 They let Jack out and he's real mean. I keep hiding in my room real quiet. I got three books at the library about science. I read very quietly. Claire has a boyfriend and I saw them kiss. They touched tongues which is disgusting. Things to do in 1981 Keep working on getting bigger Make sure Claire is really gone before I go in her room Stay away from Jack Stay away from Joan drink one bottle of beer March 1981 I hate St Patrick's Day. The same arm is broken and it really hurts I told the Doctor I fell down. When I get big I'm never telling lies. Jack is a fuck head. That's a real bad word Sister said so. May 1981 Joan said I could have one friend over for supper but I don't get a birthday cake because Jack doesn't like birthdays. No way would I let anybody from my school see Jack's house. I am ten that's double digits and only six more years until I can quit school. July 1981 This is the best summer, Joan thinks I'm at day camp and she gives me money for the bus everyday and money for lunch. I hide the money and I walk to the library which is better than the one at school. The have a million books and if you stay quiet, which is easy for me you can read all day. The library lady gives me half of her lunch everyday so I'm not even hungry. I have forty two dollars and forty seven cents saved. Christmas 1981 Jack threw the Christmas tree right through the big window. Joan was so mad she hit him with a whole bunch of books it was very exciting. Claire sat in the middle of the room and screamed and screamed. I stayed in my room. I think we should cancel Christmas next year. I only get stupid clothes I won't wear. June 1982 I won three awards this year so now I have five books of my very own. I didn't tell Joan again. I made a box at Mr. Slieman's house, he showed me how, now I can keep my private stuff safe. September 1982 Jack broke my nose and I have two black eyes. He said it was an accident. I am not going to school until I look better. I poured all Jack's booze on the carpet when he was passed out on the sofa. I made it look like he did it. I hate his guts. Christmas 1982 No tree this year. Joan made the usual shit for dinner. Claire did her usual whining and Jack did his usual hitting. Merry fucking Christmas ho ho ho May 1983 Twelve today and I don't care. I have six new hairs down there. September 1983 First day away from the Nuns, the new school sucks. No one talked to me. So what else is new. There is a chemistry lab here. I'm going to make poison for Jack and Joan. I'll try it out on Claire. Christmas 1983 Got a woody at the pageant when Terry changed into his costume. I think I'm some kind of freak. Watched Claire in the bathroom after her bath and no woody. Maybe I don't work right. May 1984 It's official, I'm a teenager now, and I grew six inches last year. Still no muscles. Jack is an asshole. As a birthday present for me I pissed in his bottle of whiskey. Have a birthday drink on me Jack. September 1984 I worked doing yard clean up for the whole neighborhood this summer and now have four hundred and seventy eight dollars and ninety two cents in my own bank account. I opened it in a different mall so no one will find out. December 1984 Had a sleep over at Sam Gold's house last night, we beat off eight times, I shot the furthest. No Christmas there either but Mr. Gold doesn't get drunk, it's just some kind of religious thing. September 1985 Rescued some short kid called Mike at school today, I've seen him around but never talked to him before. He doesn't have a father, lucky shit. Christmas 1985 Mike has a Christmas tree and his mother gave me a present. Kind of a long scarf thing. Mike said she made it herself. It's real warm but kind of bright colors. I keep it in my jacket when I'm at home so Jack doesn't see it. Mikes mother invited me for Christmas dinner. They have it on Christmas Eve because they go and visit relatives on Christmas day. She had a turkey and more stuff on the table than I've seen my whole life. She made us sing Christmas songs after supper. January 1986 Gave the Coach a blow job in the showers. It was awesome. I want someone to do it to me. That will be my New Years Resolution. One blow job a day or die trying. May 1986 I had my first birthday cake today. Mike's mother made it. I almost started to cry when I went in the house to get Mikey and she yelled surprise. I didn't let her see. She gave me a gift certificate to go to the movies. She knows I can't spend my escape money. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brian closed up his lap top computer. He had continued to scan excerpts from his life until the memories and the emotions that went with them had finally closed him down with a mind fogging numbness. Tomorrow he'd start on the journal from when he met Justin. He stood up and stretched his aching muscles he walked out of his office to the bathroom and as he passed Cynthia's desk he noticed the envelope from Sebastian. He picked it up and slowly opened it. A neatly typed list of activities was unfolded. He scanned it, looked like something for everyone, even Gus. They had scheduled a day for the Disney park in France. He smiled at thought of Gus when he saw the giant mouse. It was for the day before they left for Pittsburgh, the plan was probably to get Gus exhausted so he'd sleep on the way back. His Gus could go longer and farther than any of them. They would all be sorry for that last minute trip. Three days before the return home a Cinderella Ball was on the list, a theme ball to help with the opening of a new wing at the Art Academy and a fabulous farewell for the Pittsburgh gang. Justin will love it Brian thought. The masks and costumes will be a delight for his artistic eye. This must be the little party Sebastian referred to. He wondered what Justin would dress up as. He could picture Emmett as Marie Antoinette. He laughed to himself as he conjured up visions of Emmett and the rest of them in costume. The next part of his journal entries for Justin would be easy. All he had to do was select what he wanted from his computer and download it for Justin's viewing. He sat down and began with the first entry, realizing immediately his foolishness in thinking this was going to be easy. September 2000 It's almost time for Linds to have the kid, I have no idea why I agreed to this, well, if I'm honest I have some idea, hanging on to the Kinney dynasty and all that as foolish as it sounds. I've definitely got cold feet about the whole thing. Once again the Kinney dick causes trouble. The story of my life. I'll think of it as a family tradition. I'll relate the story of my conception to the little fucker when he or she is old enough and then the story of ?? conception. I'll make sure that this tradition of unusual conceptions continues. A tradition of fucked up Kinney men. I'll drink to that. 2nd September entry I AM A FATHER. His name is Gus. Not an Irish name, but a good name. Last night will be a night I'll remember for as long as I live. A night of firsts. The first time I picked up a twink and felt passion when I fucked him. The first night my son spent on this earth. The first time I let a twink stay over. His name was Justin, there's something about him that's dangerous for me, blue eyes, blonde and fucking seventeen and a previous virgin (another first) all those things aren't what I consider dangerous. It's this feeling I get at the pit of my stomach when he looks at me. Thank God I'll never see him again especially since I outed him to his school - another first. 3rd September entry So much for not seeing Justin again - he showed up at my door pretty much at the same time as my trick for the night. I sent him away, Brian Kinney, king shit of Liberty Ave, heartbreaker of young twinks. I had to do it. My stomach was fluttering like I'd taken some bad shit from Anita as soon as I saw him. 4th September entry I can not believe I did it. The little shit deliberately baited me at Babylon, when I saw those guys touching him I had to get him away, it was for his own good, he doesn't know what kind of trouble he could get into. Of course I shouldn't have fucked him again, I know the rules, I made the rules. Problem is my cock starts leaking as soon as it senses his presence. Fuck. 5th September entry Brian Kinney you are going to hell for sure. Justin showed up at Woodies, new nipple ring and all. Didn't know whether I should slap him for hurting his body or kiss him for looking so incredibly hot. If the guys knew I took him back to the loft and fucked him senseless I'd never live it down. The kid is insatiable; Christ seventeen is a wonderful age. 1st October entry It's official, Brian Kinney has lost his mind. I realized today that I've talked to Justin on the phone ever day for the past two weeks. Not just `hi, what's new?' conversations, but in-depth philosophical discussion about life and love and everything. This is one smart kid. I feel like a high school girl with her first crush. It scares me to death. 2nd October entry Discovered the twink is an artist and rather talented one at that. I had no idea until I saw some of his stuff and the GLC. 3rd October entry I do not believe his fucking father ran into my Jeep and damn near killed me. When Justin put two and two together the pain in his eyes was devastating. What is wrong with me and this kid? His father tries to kill me and I want to comfort the kid. 4th October entry If I wasn't fucked before I am now, Daddy dearest decided one on one killing would work better that vehicular homicide. I am unbelievably sore and oh yeah Justin is now living with me. I CANNOT BELIEVE I ALLOWED THIS. 5TH October entry This is not working worth shit, the kid is a kid, and leaves his stuff everywhere, and I can't bring tricks back without feeling like I've just kicked my dog when I look at him. This does not help to maintain an erection. The Kinney legend will die. Why do I even give a shit? 1st November entry I've had weekend from hell. The Boy Wonder let all my stuff be stolen, then he steals my credit card and then I have to go to New York to retrieve my card and the little shit who stole it, the lavender gang tagged along, not to mention a migraine. I found him and fully intended to ream him a new one, but shit, the look on his face when I started. Next thing I know, I'm having the most incredible sex I've had for ever. I did manage to find him a place to stay (Deb's) and a job so he can pay me back (diner) I don't really want the money, but after that New York sex, I have to keep the little shit close by in case I need him to relieve tension - he works great on migraines. 2nd November entry Not one of my top ten weeks, for reasons known only to my cock I broke one of my rules and fucked one of the guys at the office and now I'm being sued by the little asshole. Like I'd need to buy sexual favors from an underling. 3rd November entry The case was dropped, I celebrated with my very own Boy Wonder - this has got to stop 4th November entry Won Advertiser of the Year award - fucked the presenter - have a chance to go to New York - incredible opportunity, but then I won't see Gus or Justin. Gus could visit but Justin, it's time with the age difference to cut him free - he really should get over this infatuation he has and I should do the same - December Justin did it again. I have never had someone believe in me like this. It's terrifying. Tried to push Mikey away from me and towards the Good Doc causing havoc and mayhem and when the dust settled it was Justin, who stood by me. He didn't even hesitate. Is that what love is all about? Would I do the same for him or anybody? He just held me all night, no sex, he just held me and the love coming from him enveloping me was something I'll treasure forever. January I don't understand Justin, I break his heart by telling him I'm leaving for New York, and then he pulls himself together and starts helping me look for an apartment. He says he loves me and then he's finding me another place to live. I look into his eyes and see nothing but pain, yet he smiles and kisses me. When I got the call that the job fell through I was torn between disappointment and relief. I really don't know if I could have left Justin here in Pittsburgh. When I don't see him I feel empty. We still talk on the phone daily. If the gang knew my image would be lost. April Justin asked me to his Prom, like that is ever going to happen. Happy Birthday old man, I see you're taking your boy toy to his prom. What he'll never know is that I would be honored to walk into a room with him on my arm. The feeling I'd get from looking into his beautiful eyes would be worth everything. But real life intervenes and I blew him off he'll have to take someone else. Christ I wish I could see him that night. May The big 30 tomorrow and Justin's prom - I'm dreading them both. June The reason for my existence is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. The past weeks have been like a bad movie nightmare. The crack of wood on flesh, Justin's body hitting the cold cement, the sirens of the ambulance, the muted words filtering from the emergency room, echo continually through my head and no amount of liquor or other sounds completely drive them away. I would do anything to relive that night. I'd have never left him for a moment. I could have stayed, I could have taken Daphne home and we would have continued the night by making love until dawn. I was going to tell him that I love him, make it a Prom he'd never forget and now it's all shit. He'll never remember and I'll never forget. June All my good intentions of staying out of his life evaporated when he put his arms around me. Comforting ME, for what happened to him. I love him so much. June His mother wants me out of his life. I don't blame her June My Baby's back. I have a chance to make it better. He's living with me and I know that we can get him back in time. July What better way to celebrate your first Pride than to be with the one you adore. He looked incredibly beautiful marching with his mother. We danced later in the street and nothing mattered when we were dancing. We were the only ones in the street. I held on to him afraid he'd float away he was so happy. I wish I could tell him what he does to me. September There is nothing I would not do for him. When he quit art school I could have gone to the school and made them take him back. He's so talented, but I knew he had to work it out on his own. And he did, he's incredibly strong willed. I guess that's how he manages to put up with me taking baby steps with our relationship. October Fucking Mikey, always trying to cause problems with Justin and me. He forced me to tell Justin how I was feeling and I'm not ready. But I'm not prepared to do without Justin either. Make up sex would bring in millions if it could be marketed. November Reason number seventy five why I won't tell Justin I love him. He's breaking his own fucking rules. I knew they'd never work just as I knew how incredibly they would hurt as each one was broken. Why do I do this to myself? December I am thirty years old, I can't believe I let Justin talk me into taking viagra, I now can thank my cock for outing me to my mother who took it as well as I expected. Seeing him standing in the same room as my mother, no shirt on, viagra running through my system I still wanted to fuck him right then and there. Give her a first hand view of what us fags do for entertainment on a Saturday afternoon. January The munchers are married and I went to the White Party leaving my beautiful boy behind. I'm proud of him for staying for the wedding, but wish he'd been with me. It was the most boring weekend I've had for ages all I could see were two blue eyes filled with love looking into my soul. Will I ever be able to marry the man I love? February I used all the self control I had or ever thought I had to get through the last few weeks. Justin dancing at Babylon for money was bad enough, but going to a party at Sap's almost did me in. These lessons in control will do me good I hope as Gus gets older. Finally Justin came to his senses and accepted my help. I was so close to just going to the damn school and paying his tuition and letting him think Craig paid it.(asshole) I knew what it meant to Justin when he accepted my help so I returned the favor and let him give me something I've wanted for a long time. Justin made love to me last night, I submitted to his body memorizing every second for replay later. March I have done a lot of things in my life but nothing until now that I was ashamed of. I've apologized to Justin. I hope he forgives me in time. April I'm on a roll, I fucked up with Justin about the comic book and now I've fucked up about his birthday. I have no idea how to fix things without looking like more of an idiot than I am. April Finally made partner at the agency while simultaneously doing my best to lose Justin. Is this a new world's record for me or what? April Justin is leaving me, I know it, I can feel it in my heart. He's found someone else who has more guts than me and can give him what he wants. I knew it would happen, I knew it was a matter of time. He tries so damn hard, but he's not happy. I'm going to have to give him one of my usual shoves. Does he know I'm crying silently beside him each night? May He's gone, he's with someone his own age. I know I'll never find anyone again who I can love this way. I want him to be happy, I want him to be happy, I want him to be happy, I want him to love ME forever, but I want him to be happy. June The little shit is driving me crazy. He isn't where he's supposed to be, he's fucked with my computer at home and the one at work and I have no idea where in hell he is. I'm worried to death about him and then I want to strangle him Justin, Sunshine, Boy Wonder, Baby - my life is nothing without you beside me. I need to see you and talk to you, no more emails, no more strange computer wizardry. You and I alone. I sent you these bits of my journals as a teaser - I will not hold anything back from you, you can learn everything about me - at least my point of view - from the time I was eight - the journals are all yours If you want them. There are things written in them that I never thought anyone would see, but I trust you completely in your discretion. You know my number. Call me and say yes. Brian placed the disc along with the short letter into a padded express envelope the address of Sebastian's home written on the front. A weight was slowly lifted off his shoulders as he walked by Cynthia's desk dropping the envelope off for courier delivery as soon as possible. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Jennifer, you look like a picture of young innocence sitting among the flowers" "Oh, Sebastian, you startled me, I didn't hear you" "That's me silently rolling along, all the better to sneak up on beautiful women." "Now you're being silly, I'm the mother of a nineteen year old, I'm hardly young and beautiful." "Did you enjoy the winery tour?" Sebastian chose to ignore Jennifer's comments "Of course, your family is remarkable to have held on to it for so many generations and through such bad times." "It was always the strength of our women that pulled us through, I'm the first to admit it." "Your mother is a strong woman, and very kind" "She's the best, my wife was like her, kind and generous." "She died so young" "Yes she did, I miss her very much, I suppose I always will. And your husband, do you miss him?" "I miss the man I met and fell in love with twenty one years ago. I don't miss the man he became." "Ah, Justin, so much like his mother." "Yes Justin, our son, my son. I'll never understand why knowing Justin's sexual preference would change how you'd feel about him. He's still the baby we brought home from the hospital, that we waited for together for nine months. He's just all grown up, with grown up needs and desires. How does that make him a bad person?" she shook the thoughts and memories off "It doesn't matter, it's his loss." "Your husband, he no longer is in your life?" "As little as possible" "Do you accept invitations to - say dinner?" "I might." "I know of a lovely little restaurant in the city..........." "Is that an invitation? If it is I accept." "I'll pick you up this evening Madame, the main foyer, shall we say eight o'clock?" "That will be lovely, oh Sebastian, you have me blushing like a girl" said Jennifer softly. "But you are a girl, my lovely Jennifer, now walk with me to the dining room, luncheon will be ready soon and Nanny hates for us to be late." The two adults, one tall and dark regal in his wheeled chair and the other petite and blonde walked to through the gardens in companionable silence each lost in their own thoughts about the events that just took place. Emmett rushed to pull open the French doors to the dining room as he spotted the two coming across the terrace. "Well you two, we were about to send out a search party." Emmett was in his glory, the pomp and circumstance in living in a castle was almost too much for even him. "Sebastian, honey, this little ol' ball that's happening next week, I don't have a thing to wear." Sebastian laughed at Emmett's swishy antics. "Don't you worry your pretty little head Emmett. Justin and I have costumes for all of you including the children. We have planned this ball for your pleasure as well as the representing the annual ball opening the galleries." He looked over at the whole group seated around the table. "Justin has a wonderful descriptive way about him and we thought we'd do a presentation after lunch today. He's had story boards done up like the wonderful Brian would do to show you all the costumes. Now I don't want you to wear something you'd hate, but my wonderful boy is sure you'll love our ideas." Justin stood up at his place and took a bow. The rest laughed and clapped. "You have to wait until after lunch." Gus was pulling at his sleeve. "Me too Dada Jus'n?" "You too Gussy Bear." Justin bent down and kissed his forehead, his heart giving a lurch at the familiarity of the love filled hazel eyes staring into his. "Sebastian" Nanny spoke softly but with authority. "I heard a rumor from some one who will remain nameless, that you are close to losing that chair." The whole table waited in silence all eyes on Sebastian at the head of the table. "My debut, with two canes will be tonight when the lovely Jennifer and I go on our first date." He smiled at Jennifer who once again blushed. "Wow Mom, you're going to date a Prince" Molly's eyes were big at the prospect. "Like Cinderella" "Not quite Cinderella Molly dear," spoke Sebastian "No wicked stepsisters and we like to keep our mice outside." "But you're a handsome Prince and Mom is the beautiful lady." "You can't argue with that logic old man" teased Justin. "Jennifer, you make that boy of mine behave tonight, no dancing, he hasn't been without the chair for a long time." Smiled Nanny. Debbie for once was quiet, pleased that Jennifer will have a bit of fun for a change. Vic, sitting between the twins was busy quietly telling them about Cinderella, pleased to have two more little boys calling him Grandpa Vic and asking never ending questions. Mel and Lindsey were still on their second honeymoon and couldn't stop staring into each other's eyes. Gus was firmly attached to his Dada Jus'n, it was just what they needed to rekindle their love. And Emmett, sitting beside Nanny on her right side was enjoying pretending he was her lady in waiting. The lunch continued well past the hour, no one had to be anywhere or do anything today except enjoy one another's company. They all studiously avoided Justin's eyes, for none of the people at the table were able to stand seeing the heartbreak reflected there no matter how hard he tried to smile and laugh. It was only Gus, firmly at his side from morning to night that kept Justin from going quietly mad from not having Brian. "Every one ready for the presentation?" the table had been cleared of everything but bowls of fruit. Tummies full, the group sat back to await Justin's presentation. He looked down at Gus who was in his arms "my helper appears to have fallen asleep" He got up and gently placed Gus on a nearby chaise, covering him with a soft blanket handed to him by Nanny, wincing inwardly at thoughts of another chaise in another life. One of the servants came in and began to place easels in a row at one end of the large room. Justin walked over to the story boards that had been sitting unnoticed in a corner of the ornate room, their fronts facing the wall. "Now Sebastian, Nanny and I had a wonderful time deciding on your costumes. The pictures are in no special order so I will take them as they come." He pulled out the first one "Vic, I couldn't resist," he placed a three foot high story board on the first easel. "I see you as a Grande Pasha in burgundy brocade robes lots of gold embroidery on your under robes, jewels weighing down your hands and a fabulous black turban spun with gold thread crowned by a large ruby." The robes and gown have been made and you will find them now in your closet. The jewels are authentic from Nanny's vault and have been in her family for generations. They are loaners not keepers." He teased a speechless Vic who was staring mesmerized at his portrait on the easel. "Ah, my favorite red headed Mom" Justin placed the portrait of Debbie. "You little brat, who the f...." Deb caught herself in time looking at the children "Who is that lady and why the horse?" They all burst out laughing as Justin said `Catherine the Great, think of the horse as her special friend. So Deb your costume, wig and all, including more of Nanny's jewels is now in your room, sorry the horse stays in the stables." Deb looked at them all puzzled, but pleased at the ornate costume displayed in the picture. Vic leaned over and whispered "I'll explain about the horse later sis" "Now Mel and Lindsey, you guys share a picture, I really couldn't resist this and if you think it's too strange just say so and we can change it." He placed their story board on the easel and the two smiled at each other, both enchanted at Justin's portrait of them as Romeo and Juliet. "Mom, Sebastian and I thought you were perfect for this and you share a story board with him." He looked at her and smiled. "Now don't get all panicky remember this is just for fun and not foreshadowing" Jennifer couldn't help but reach out at the same time as Sebastian did, their hands meeting across the table. Justin had portrayed her and Sebastian as Cinderella and the Prince from the Disney movie, complete to the glass slipper. "It's beautiful Justin" she whispered, "like a fairy tale" "We did draw the line at the glass slippers Jennifer, we had them made from Lucite and clear soft plastic." He smiled at her face full of enchantment. He never realized how beautiful Justin's mother truly was until that moment. "What about me?" pouted Emmett. "Why was there any other choice, Emmett darling" laughed Nanny as Justin placed Emmett's story board with him as Marie Antoinette up for everyone to see. Emmett burst into tears and threw his arms around Nanny. "You are the best Princess a Queen like me could ever know" he said tearfully. "thank you a thousand times." While this little drama was going on Justin quietly placed the last of the story boards. Nanny was Queen Elizabeth the first, Gus was the little boy in Peter Pan in footed sleepers with a Bear cape, Jon and Guy were two more of the lost boys, one in a night shirt and one in footed PJ's. The three boys were standing and sitting at the feet of Justin, dressed as Peter Pan, Molly dressed as Wendy. "I figured that the boys and Molly were going to be my date for the evening, I might as well dress the part." Justin smiled at the rest of the gang the pain in his words evident to those who loved him. Jennifer leaned towards Sebastian and whispered. "Isn't there anything we can do about this?" He patted her hand "I'm working on it Jennifer" The lunch party broke up then, every one anxious to see their costumes. Justin walked over a scooped Gus up in his arms, the little boy never waking, snuggling trusting into Justin's shoulder. Justin's eyes shut in pain as the gentle whisper of "I love you Dada Jus'n" was heard before the rhythmic breathing began once again. He began the walk up the long stairway, doing his best to hold back his tears as he cradled his lover's son in his arms. It was almost too much when two more arms, one on each side of him wrapped themselves around his waist. "Don't be sad Dada Justin" the two boys said in unison and they all continued up the stairs. Sebastian wiped his eyes as he watched the group slowly move toward Justin's suite. He looked over at Jennifer. "I have some calls to make Jennifer, until tonight then." They smiled at each other, no more words were necessary; Jennifer knew Sebastian would look after her son as best he could. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The shrill ring of the phone, finally caught Brian's attention, once again he had fallen asleep on the sofa, he reached for the phone while he rubbed the back of his neck. "This had better be good" he growled into the phone. "Brian, Sebastian here, I realize I woke you but I need to tell you a few things and I would appreciate honest feedback. It's about Justin," he continued over riding Brian's startled oath "I need you to be honest with me Brian. Do you love him, do you want a life with him eventually? Two questions. If yes is the answer we can work together to make Justin's dreams come true, because there is no question that he loves you. If your answer is no, then I will work with Jennifer to help him ease the pain. But whatever the two of you are doing at this time it isn't working, the pain Justin is feeling, well Brian, it's just too much. It's killing him and it's killing the rest of us who love him." Brian was silent thinking it was killing him too, slowly, but still killing him. He'd made some decisions tonight and he was determined to keep them. It was with a heavy heart that he began to speak to Sebastian. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jennifer walked down the winding stairway, beautiful in a summer tea dress of soft pink chiffon sprinkled with white flowers as she rounded the curve she was startled to see everyone there waiting in foyer. Sebastian, handsome in Armani, his two canes of carved ebony, his eyes twinkling at her surprise. Justin met her at the bottom of the stairs with a corsage of white and pink roses. "These are for you Mom, Sebastian has his hands full, so I get to pin them on." He smiled over at Sebastian and then at his mother who looked embarrassed. Jennifer allowed the flowers to be pinned on then head high; she took Sebastian by the arm adding her strength to his as they slowly walked out to the long car waiting in the drive. She gracefully got into the limo the scent of the roses in the air, her heart stirred as the handsome Prince carefully climbed in beside her. The large car whisking them off into the sunset the rest of the gang standing on the steps waving, Emmett of course waving a hanky. "That was quite the send off" she giggled "They all love you." He smiled "They like to see you happy" "I'm happy, these days here in France with you and the boys have been wonderful. Molly is having a great time, she adores your mother and her stories and she likes acting the part of big sister to Jon and Guy. It makes her feel important." She looked sad for a moment "and Justin, he's become part of your family, if it wasn't for his broken heart he'd be in heaven as well." "Justin has become one of my sons; he is the son of my heart. I talked to Brian yesterday and I thought I would let you know what's in store for the next few days regarding those two." The car continued on it's way into the city while Jennifer and Sebastian talked, neither of them noticing the evening scenery passing by. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Justin woke up the next morning the sun streaming into his room, he watched his little room mate talking on the phone. He was too sleepy to realize the strangeness of Gus talking on the phone. The conversation which had obviously been happening for a while continued "Auntie Em does not" Gus listened carefully, "Dada Jus'n crying and sleeping, Gussy patted him a whole bunch and hugged him tight now he's sleeping and no crying." Silence "Dada Jus'n so sad, now Gussy sad too and Jon and Guy sad." Silence "Auntie Em says Dada Jus'n sad `cause his hearts broken, Daddy Bwian can you come and bring some glue for Dada Jus'n?" silence "I love you Daddy Bwian, I love Dada Jus'n too." Gus carefully hung up the phone, his eyes sad. He turned and saw Justin looking at him sleepily. "Who was on the phone Gussy Bear?" Justin was trying to sit up a wiggly Gus climbing on top of him at the same time, giving him sloppy kisses. Justin threw him off onto his back on the bed and started to tickle him. "Who was on the phone Gussy Bear?" Gus giggling happily at Justin's antics, "Daddy Bwian says he loves Gus and Dada Jus'n" "Brian was on the phone?" Justin asked loudly "Yep, he said is `is Mr Gussy Bear staying there, it's his Daddy wanting to say hello'. Gus giggled "Daddy Bwian is funny." "Oh he's a barrel of laughs" whispered Justin. "It was nice of your Daddy to call you, I bet he misses you a whole bunch." "He said he's going to give me a zillion kisses when he sees me again." Gus looked up at Justin "I can share with you Dada Jus'n, Daddy Bwian gives good kisses." "He sure does Gussy Bear, and I'll consider your offer of sharing." He pulled himself out of bed. "Now lets get soaking wet so we can have breakfast" he teased the little boy, pretending to race him into the bathroom like they did each morning. Gus always beat him, life is like that. The two were ready for breakfast in record time, Jon and Guy stood at the bottom of the long stairway watching Justin hold Gus as he slid him down the railing, Gus giggling madly. "Hey Gussy, when you get bigger, we can all do it without Dada Justin holding on, it's lots of fun, but Nanny gets mad so we have to do it when she's not home." "Nanny is right to get mad, one bad move and you guys would be scraped off the marble floor with a spoon." Eeeuuuuuhhh said Justin smiling. The four of them trooped into the breakfast room quickly taking their places, Gus of course right beside Justin, Jon on one side of Justin and Guy beside Gus. "Dada Jus'n you got a present" Gus indicated the express envelope by Justin's plate. Justin recognized Brian's handwriting on the address. Everyone watched as he carefully opened the envelope, pulling out a CD jewel case and a piece of paper. He visibly blanched under his soft golden tan as he carefully unfolded the paper to read what Brian had written. They all sighed in relief as they watched the emotions play across Justin's face ending with a soft smile. He looked up at them "It seems Brian has something to say to me" he indicated the CD. "I think it's going to be OK" A cloud had lifted from the table and breakfast continued with the usual morning banter of schedules and activities checked with one another confirming the day. Justin's eyes rarely left that CD sitting in front of his plate. Emmett, when breakfast was done, realized that Justin could use some time alone. "I heard that there were ducks on a pond somewhere around this big ol' house. Can anybody show me where they are? Ducks always make me smile." He grinned as the three boys all volunteered to take him to the duck pond. He looked over at Justin. "I hope you don't mind Justin, your boys and I have a little excursion to make this morning, we have ducks to see." He turned to the boys. "Who is brave enough to ask Cook for some old bread for the ducks?" He looked at Molly "Molly, we girls have to stick together, there are far too many boys going to the duck pond, I need a pretty girl like you to join us." Molly laughed out loud at the absurdity of Emmett, but played along and they all trooped off in the direction of the Kitchens. Justin was sitting in front of his computer, the disk in his hand, he didn't remember leaving the breakfast room or the walk back to his apartment, having his entire being focused on the disc he was about to insert into the drive of his computer. As the words scrolled before him, he sat in silence reading Brian's childish scrawl not noticing as it gradually became the writing he knew today. He would have given anything to hold his lover right now. The pain he read was as real to Justin as if it had happened to him personally. By the time he came to the entry that had been made only a few months ago, Justin was emotionally drained. Brian loved him that much was clear. It was clear to Justin; he hoped it was clear to Brian. There was no hesitating as he reached for the phone and dialed Brian's number. Brian had been sitting for hours staring at the phone, willing it to ring. When it did he was terrified to answer so he let the machine pick up. "OUI" rang out loud and clear before Justin hung up and Brian sat there for a moment thinking "We?" then a smile started across his face, Justin was speaking French, he'd given Brian his answer and it was YES. The next few days were a whirlwind of activity getting ready for the Cinderella Ball, Gus and the boys spent hours in their costumes with Molly watching Peter Pan on video and then reenacting it to the delight of the adults as they watched the youngsters happily at play. Justin let them play in his suite while he sat in a large armchair reading books that had arrived in an elaborate chest. They children learned to ignore his tears, or shouts of laughter or even the occasional round of cursing as he sat reading. Each day when he was done he would carefully lock the chest against prying eyes. What everyone did notice was Justin's eyes were alive again. He didn't tear up as often when he held Gus for his evening cuddle and story in front of the large fireplace in the drawing room. The night before the ball, Justin was tucking Gus into bed when Gus said "Daddy Bwian really does give good kisses Dada Jus'n" "I know he does Gussy Bear and when you get home, Brian will kiss you forever" "He kisses me now Dada Jus'n" Gus snuggled into the pillow his eyes closing. "Sure he does Gussy" Justin smiled at his little boy's imagination. "Night, night Gussy Bear, I love you" "I love you Dada Jus'n" whispered Gus sleeping almost as soon as the final word left his lips. The next day was unbelievably busy. The ball wasn't scheduled to start until after eight that evening, but the family wanted the children to have some of the joy. Once Mattieu and Alex arrived, bringing a date for both Vic and Debbie, much to the brother and sister's delight, The family party began early Sebastian had arranged for the orchestra to play a small set to allow the children to dance with the adults, by the time the children were winding down some of the guest were arriving, including a tall handsome Zorro, his eyes following the antics of the Pittsburgh crowd, especially when Peter Pan and his crew reenacted a small part of the play. If anyone had been looking closely they would have been surprised at the tears in the hazel eyes of Zorro as a sleepy Gus reached up and said "Gussy sleepy Dada Jus'n" and Peter Pan picked him his arms wrapping protectively around the little boy as he kissed his sleepy forehead." "Alright crew, Peter Pan and his right hand man Gussy Bear think it's time to tuck every one into their beds." With a flick of his wrist and his wooden sword raised high he began up the staircase, his gang following him in a straight line marching to a hidden drummer who couldn't resist their antics. The rest of the adults smiling as the troop disappeared around the corner. By the time Justin returned, the ball was in full swing, he'd stayed to tuck everyone into their sleeping bags, for they were all staying in his room "camping out", it was a way for the children to be together and allow the formidable body guard sitting outside of the suite to some ease in his job of keeping them safe tonight while the castle was full off guests. "Hey thanks for watching over them Pierre," Justin said as he walked out of his suite. "No problem blondie, you sure we can't have at least one dance?" he teased "A big nelly bottom like you Pierre, sorry sweetie." Justin reached up and kissed his friend. "I'm sure Emmett will track you down soon, I notice you have an extra chair up here" Pierre blushed at Emmett's name. He'd had a crush on the giddy American from the day he arrived. "Emmett looks beautiful tonight Justin." "Emmett's always beautiful Pierre" and Justin walked down the stairs. Suddenly the room darkened and a spot light was on Zorro who stood by the band. The band leader introduced him "A special treat tonight" The orchestra began playing the haunting strains of When I Fall In Love and to Justin's astonishment a soft spotlight shone down on him so that only Zorro on the stage and Peter Pan on the stairway were lit. The crowd was silent as Zorro's clear baritone began: When I fall in Love It will be forever Or I'll never fall in Love Zorro hopped down off the stage and began walking toward Justin, In a restless world like this is Love is ended before it's begun And way too many moonlight kisses Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun. He was at the bottom of the stairs his hand held out to Justin who began to walk down in a daze. When I give my heart, it will be completely Or I'll never give my heart And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too Is when I fall in love with you. Justin didn't wait to reach the last stairs but launched himself off landing in Brian's arms. The orchestra continued and the band singer took up the song repeating Brian's words as the two lovers began to dance, their eyes never leaving the others, the world forgotten. Brian whispered, "I love you Justin Taylor." Justin's sunshine smile lit up the room as he answered back "I love you Brian Kinney" neither of them noticed that Brian's microphone was still on or the applause of their friends and family when their lips met.