Boys of Summer Part 8 sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian turned on the shower, he really was tired. This day had seemed like it would never end. He smiled when he thought of his partner making his way back to the Pitts just for his birthday. He knew what it had cost him in time money and aggravation to be here for only a day or two. It made the gesture all that much more special. He stepped into the steamy heat of the shower prepared to let the hot water wash away the day’s troubles. Justin waited until he heard the shower start. He turned the heat off on the stove went into the bedroom and hung up Brian’s suit and put the rest of his clothes in the hamper. He lit a few candles then took his own clothes off and slipped into the bathroom. Brian had his back to the shower door but he knew when Justin had entered the room. He could feel his presence. He turned so that his profile was showing and began to soap up his cock, taking pleasure in its growth as his hands stoked the shaft, pulling it out from the base, allowing the soap suds to act as lubricant. He knew Justin was watching. He reached down lower and cupped his heavy balls, letting the hairs create more suds until they were all but obliterated with lather. He felt a cool breeze as the shower door was opened just enough for Justin to glide in. A warm hand joined his in the manipulation of his cock and balls. Another hand began to sensually caress his firm ass cheeks. He stood with his legs apart and let the hands move over his body. The hot water and the aroma of the soap creating a heady atmosphere for the almost professional massage that was taking place. He turned and pulled Justin close to his body, their hard cocks meeting. He leaned down and looked into the blue eyes and then brought his lips to rest on the pale skin of Justin’s forehead. He felt the foil wrapper of a condom being pushed into his hand. “Fuck me Brian” a breathy whisper heard through the water sounds. He ripped the packet opened and smoothed it over his thick cock. Then he lifted Justin up and Justin wrapped his legs around Brian’s waist, exposing his eager hole to the upright probing of that hard latex. Justin’s weight combined with an upward thrust brought Justin’s breath out of him in a gasp. He looked at Brian and grinned. “Brat” Brian said and he began to thrust up into the already prepared hot tunnel. Justin’s cock trapped between the two of them demanded release and the tongue twisting soul kiss helped bring them both to a quick climax. Justin removed his legs from Brian’s waist. He hated to break the connection and he sighed heavily. Brian knew how he felt and tightened his arms, letting their bodies mold into one. Slowly their breathing returned to normal. Brian reached behind Justin and gently soaped his ass removing the traces of lube. “So you believe in the Girl Scout motto ‘be prepared’” he teased the blonde. “Asshole, that’s Boy Scout” he stuck his tongue out, which earned him a swat on the ass. Laughing, they left the shower stall. Justin helped Brian dry off, sprinkling kisses between his shoulder blades, licking water droplets from Brian’s shoulders as each one fell from his silky hair. Justin moved to stand in front of Brian. He ran his fingers down Brian’s chest, playfully swirling the soft auburn chest hair. He loved to play with it; he found it oddly erotic, this display of masculinity. Brian didn’t have a lot of chest hair, not great gobs of it like some kind of furry Goa’uld sinking itself in his chest, but rather a fine mist of auburn, that he loved to comb his fingers through watching the shadowy contrast with his pale hands. Brian stood watching Justin’s fingers smooth and swirl, the baby fine hair with his strong artist’s fingers. Justin leaned forward to suck then kiss each erect nipple. He stood back, held out his hand and led Brian to the blue lit bedroom. Brian started to speak “Justin---- A finger tip, kissed first then gently touched to the raspberry tinted lips silenced the taller man. Justin placed the palm of his hand on Brian’s chest and lightly pushed. Bran sat on the bed and then stretched out. He looked up at Justin puzzled. Justin smiled down at him “Tonight is all for you” he grinned “Well, maybe a little bit for me” He let himself sink down, his body shimmered, alabaster in the neon blue light. He straddled Brian’s waist, his fingers lightly massaging Brian’s scalp, then his temples. Brian closed his eyes, giving into the sensation. Justin bent and kissed each eyelid, his lips barely touching. His fingers never stopped smoothing, touching, tenderly kneading Brian’s face, his ears, and his neck. He moved lower, a gentle kiss, his tongue only lingering for a moment tasting the essence of his man’s mouth. The whole time, as he made his way down Brian’s body, he whispered. “I love you, you’re beautiful, your lips are like honey, the pulse in your throat is amazing, I worship you, I love you, over and over, words of love, nonsense words, words full of the meaning of life, of love and of adoration. Brian could feel his whole being fill up. His skin flushed. He knew his cock was more engorged than it had ever been and rock hard as well. He wanted to pull Justin to him and fuck both of them senseless. He moved his arms which had been stretched over his head. But Justin gently placed them back. “Shhhh, Baby, this is for you. Lie back and enjoy.” He moved his mouth to Brian’s nipples rolling each gently between his tongue and his teeth. Brian gasped as the sensation swept to his groin. A moist tongue trailed down the burnished treasure trail of downy dark fur. Justin buried his nose in the dense curly thatch at the base of the iron cock. Brian remembered him doing that to Neko-chan, burying his nose in the cat’s fur. Justin was enthralled by all the tactile wonders that made Brian Kinney unique. He let his tongue run over the sensitive head of Brian’s cock, tonguing the piss hole, then the underside of the mushroom cap. He blew puffs of warm air on the dripping head, sending shivers of pleasures through Brian, reaching down to his toes. Brian could hear the ragged quality of Justin’s breathing. He realized that Justin was close to cumming. The fact that he had this affect on him along with the worshiping hands, tongue and lips, brought a familiar tightening in his own balls. Justin heard the catch in Brian’s breath. He could see the purple cock straining, his own matching. He moved up and crushed the raspberry lips with his. He hand behind Brian’s head, his fingers clenched the auburn strands of Brian’s hair. Brian threaded his fingers through Justin’s and with a groan from the depths of both their bodies, an intense orgasmic wave hit with such force that they both blanked out momentarily. The hot cum cooling in sticky puddles between their bodies, Justin looked into Brian’s eyes. “Happy Birthday Brian, I love you” he said sealing the words with a soft brush of his lips against the passion swollen ones of his lover. Brian held him close. His was heart full to bursting with what he was feeling at that moment with Justin in his arms. “Did we really do that again?” he asked. He could hear the wonder in his voice and it made him smile. Something about the young blonde made him feel like a different person. “The magic of Justin Taylor” he said. His emotion filled voice was husky. “No” Justin’s eyes sparkled, “the wonder of Brian Kinney”. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian walked into the diner Monday morning for breakfast. He was whistling as he was grinning. He kissed Deb on the cheek as he passed her. “You look lovely today Deb” he said. Deb stood, her hand on her cheek watching him walk to the back booth, her face flushed with pleasure. “Boys” Brian said to Michael, Ted and Emmett. “It’s a lovely spring morning in the Pitts.” He pushed Michael over and slid in beside him. All three of them glared at him. “You boys are in a pissy mood. Is it that time of the month for all three of you?” Brian asked tongue in cheek. “Where the fuck were you on Friday Brian?” Michael belligerently demanded. “We waited for you at Babylon.” “Well, I guess I never made it.” He looked at them and grinned. “It was my birthday you know.” “We know that, asshole. We were going to have a commiserating drink with you.” Michael was so mad his voice shook. “Michael, honey, you know Brian doesn’t do birthdays. He was probably holed up somewhere with his favorite buddy Jim Beam.” Emmett tried to smooth things over. Brian signaled Deb for some coffee. She brought the pot over and refilled the other’s and gave Brian a cup. “So Brian, your usual multi grain dry toast?” she asked, her pen poised over her order pad. “How about the breakfast special, maybe with an extra side order of sausage.” He looked innocently at her “I haven’t had Joe’s breakfast sausage in ages.” He stirred some sugar into his coffee, ignoring the open mouthed looks from all of them. “I don’t think you’ve ever had Joe’s sausage, unless he was in the back room one night.” Ted muttered. “No Teddy that would be you.” Emmett laughed. “I remember that night.” “Brian I must have called you a hundred times on Saturday and Sunday.” Michael began. “You didn’t have your answering machine on or your cell phone.” “Hmmmmm, I wonder if I didn’t want anyone to bug me?” Brian pondered. He grabbed Ted’s paper and turned to the financial section. “We came over to the loft Saturday night, but there were no lights on and I couldn’t get the key to work.” “Oops, must have changed the locks” Brian muttered between sips of coffee, intent on reading. “I bet Justin has a key to the new lock.” Michael grumbled. “Well, Mikey, it is his home. I would certainly expect him to have a key.” Brian said. He looked at Michael. “Don’t worry; I was just fine this weekend. Worked late Friday, had a massage, a late dinner, birthday cake, even blew out all the candles at one time,” he looked smug “that means I get my wish. And I listened to some music, worked out, had a picnic in the park with Gus, dinner at the munchers, spent lots of time in bed, the usual shit you do when you turn thirty one.” He began to eat his breakfast with unusual gusto, oblivious to their stares. “Shit Brian that sounds like a gawd damn family man kind of weekend.” Michael spluttered, “I suppose you had your little wifey with you.” The sneer in his voice was evident to everyone within hearing range. “Fuck, what happened to the stud of Liberty Avenue?” Brian just looked at him a smiled. He finished his breakfast, wiping up the last of the egg yolk with the final piece of toast. “That Joe makes a terrific breakfast.” He said as he sat back full. Emmett and Ted had followed every mouthful; they looked at each other puzzled and shrugged. “I’ve got to run boys. It was interesting having breakfast with you.” He leaned over and kissed Michael’s cheek. “I think I’m growing up Mikey. And you know what? It feels good.” He slipped a bill in Deb’s apron pocket. “Buy yourself something pretty.” He said and walked out the door grinning. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin, Vic and Rosaire stood back and admired the small space. Justin looked at the two men and smiled his dazzling smile. “Wait until she sees it.” He was so excited he was almost bouncing. He looked back at the mural he’d just finished. Maude stood in her kitchen, apron on, a mixing bowl in her hand. He’d put Ira, Rosaire, Vic and Brian in the mural, all of them seated around a table eating Maude’s cookies. He’d put himself standing behind Brian, his arms draped around his lover’s neck, his lips to Brian’s ear. He’d even managed to capture that innocent little boy look that Brian had, when he was eating Maude’s cookies and enjoying the company of his lover. “Well, Vic, what’s it like being an entrepreneur?” Justin teased the older man. “Scary as hell Justin” Vic answered honestly. “I think I owe my soul to Rosaire and Brian” Rosaire put his arm around Vic’s waist and leaned in. Vic automatically wrapped the smaller man in his arm and held him tight to his body. “I have faith in you and Maude and so does Brian.” He reached up and kissed Vic’s cheek. “Our investment is safe.” Justin watched them, happy to see Vic so full of life. He hoped that Brian and him would grow old together and be as happy as Vic and Rosaire were. “I’ve got to go guys. I need to pack. Mom wants me home for some play Molly’s in and then it’s back to the old grind for me.” He smiled at them. “Only this time I get to come back with Brian, because it’s the start of his summer vacation, six whole weeks of Brian.” He almost skipped out of the small store. He’d been counting the days until the summer. Even if he had to spend time on his studies, he’d still have lots of time for his beautiful ‘bad boy’, as Maude liked to call him. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Justin, Justin Taylor?” Cynthia approached the young blonde as he walked out of the Customs doorway at the airport. “Yes?” Justin answered the striking blonde woman. He looked at her his blue eyes questioning why she was approaching him. She held out her hand. “Hi, I’m Cynthia, Brian’s assistant. His meeting ran over and he asked me to meet your flight.” Justin looked embarrassed. “I’m sorry Cynthia, Brian thinks I’m twelve sometimes. I could have taken the bus or a cab to the loft. “Hey, don’t worry about it. It gets me out of the office and away from Big Bad. Justin giggled and smiled his mega watt smile. “Maude calls him her ‘bad boy’” His eyes danced. “He really can be a pain sometime.” Cynthia linked her arm through Justin’s and they walked the length of the airport heading toward the exit closest to where she’d parked, the two of them trading stories about Brian. Cynthia took the turn toward the large building that housed the office complex of the Ryder Agency. “Cynthia, you could just drop me off at the loft. Or anywhere here, I can take the bus.” Justin wasn’t sure that Brian would want him to show up where he worked. “Brian wanted me to bring you to the office.” She looked at Justin. “I think he wants to show you off to the Art Department. He was in there the other day bragging about your accomplishments at Concordia.” She chuckled. “They all probably hate you now. I gather he was letting them know that you could have done better then the lot of them put together over some project they’d just handed in.” “Geeze thanks for sharing that Cynthia.” Justin winced. “Brian needs a good slap upside the head.” He looked at her. “He was really bragging about me?” he asked, smiling inside. “He was” Cynthia loved Brian as a friend. She’d watched him grow from a cold, lonely man into a warm loving person, since the advent of his ‘Sunshine’. Justin sat back, smiling to himself at another indication that Brian loved him. It wasn’t long before they were riding together in the elevator up to the Ryder Agency. Justin was amused at the questioning looks that Cynthia was getting from other staff members as she walked him from the elevator to Brian’s office. They were almost there when his Uncle Marty walked out of an office, closely followed by Brian; they were both talking and didn’t notice at first that he and Cynthia were standing there. Justin piped up “Hi Uncle Marty, Brian.” Brian grinned at him happy to see him and Cynthia and the others from the office standing there were treated to a Brian Kinney smile that was reserved for only two people, Justin and Gus. Brian walked over and hugged him, giving him a quick kiss. “Hey, baby, sorry I couldn’t make your plane.” Justin was barely getting over this display of public affection when his Uncle Marty said. “Hi Justin, didn’t mean to keep Brian so long.” He looked from his Uncle to Brian. “Cynthia was right there, I didn’t have to wait.” He paused for a minute. “Uncle Marty, about Brian – Justin wasn’t sure how to go on. He had no idea that his Uncle even knew that he and Brian were friends let alone partners. His Uncle took pity on him. “Justin, Brian has your picture on the credenza behind his desk.” A flush of pleasure washed over Justin, coloring his face and making him tingle inside. Brian had his picture in his office. Brian looked down at him and chuckled. “I want to show you the Art Department.” He turned and led Justin down the hall hand in hand. Justin followed with a quick look at Cynthia who rolled her eyes. He smiled back at her and mouthed ‘thanks’, happy for her previous heads up on Brian’s little Art Department introduction. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Craig Taylor sat in his office. He stared at the picture in front of him of his family, all smiles waving to him from the wharf on the island. ‘Brian Kinney destroyed my family’ he thought. It was an exercise in futility that he practiced daily, some times as many as a dozen times. He’d sit alone in the office staring at the picture and remembering the past when he lived in his house, the house he’d worked damn hard to get. The house that Brian Kinney made sure he’d never live in again. It was all Brian’s fault, all Brian’s fault, a mantra that played through his head. Little Molly was in the school play this year. She was going to be the lead and he wasn’t allowed to be within two hundred feet of her, thanks to a court order that he was sure Brian Kinney had instigated. It was only a fluke that one of his friends had mentioned Molly’s role in this year’s play, or he would never have known. He watched the clock on the wall as he poured himself another drink of seven year old Scotch. He barely noticed the sharp burn of the peat flavored liquid as it ran down his throat. He was going to see Molly tonight and no one was going to stop him. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss The open doors of the auditorium glowed golden in the setting spring sun. The final clapping sounds of the audience could be heard floating out on the warm spring air. Like a silent movie played in slow motion Craig Taylor watched from his car as Brian and Justin were one of the last out the doors of the school, followed closely by Jennifer and Molly. All of them were laughing about something that Molly had said. Justin pointed to the glowing red of the sunset and the four of them stood for a moment on the sidewalk admiring it. He could see Brian telling them to wait on the sidewalk while he went across the busy street to get the jeep, bringing it closer to the three on that side of the street. Brian looked both ways and began to cross, when a blaze of red filled Craig’s eyes and he stepped on the accelerator of his car and aimed it at the destroyer of his family, intent on murder. Jennifer, Molly and Justin watched in horror as the large silver car raced toward Brian who didn’t see it. At the last possible second, Justin broke his inertia and sprinted to Brian, his hands connected with the middle of Brian’s back with the strength only fear could bring and he pushed Brian out of the way of the speeding car. Brian’s knees hit the pavement at the same time as the squeal of hastily applied brakes and the sickening thump of a body being hit reached his ears. He turned his head to watch with horror as Justin’s body was flung in the air like a discarded rag doll only to land with a dull thud on the hood of the Jeep, smashing the windshield. The few seconds that Justin was in the air, were like minutes, a horror movie that would replay in the minds of Jennifer, Molly and Brian for the rest of their lives. Brian was off his knees and scrambling up the hood of his jeep, to cradle the body of his lover in his arms. Not caring for the blood or the glass that covered the broken blonde, he slid to the ground to sit holding Justin close while he waited for someone to bring help. He looked up to see a circle of horrified parents and friends surrounding him. Someone assured him that the ambulance and police had been called. Their voices came at him like they were far away talking in a tunnel. He could only focus on the pale face cradled against his chest, the shallow breaths that barely cleared the lips that only moments before had been smiling and laughing. Justin’s eyes fluttered open, the blue marred by blood hemorrhages, faintly Justin whispered “I love you Brian” and Brian could see that he was trying to smile, to reassure him he was alright and Brian’s heart broke at the effort his lover was making to make him feel better. “Hey, these were my good Armani pants. They’ll never be the same, you little brat.” Brian attempted to tease as he bent and touched his lips to the bruised and bloody face. Brian looked up at Jennifer, his pain filled eyes demanding some kind of explanation. She could only stand there, her arm around Molly and pray that help arrived soon. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin smiled and laughed at Brian and stood with his mother watching the tall handsome man cross the street. This day had been full of validation for him. He was accepted by Cynthia, Brian’s assistant. His Uncle Marty was comfortable with him as Brian’s partner. Brian had hugged and kissed him in front of his co workers and had proudly introduced him to the Art Department, where the guys weren’t as mad at him as he thought they might be. All of them were surprisingly pleased that Brian had found someone to make him happy. And then tonight, Brian joining his mother and him to watch Molly, he was sure he’d never been happier. At first the speeding car didn’t register in his mind that it could be actually trying to hit Brian. When it did register, he felt like his legs were stuck in molasses, like he couldn’t move, could only watch the man he loved die. From somewhere deep inside him he found a strength he didn’t know he had and he sprinted toward Brian, his hand connecting in time to push him out of the way. He turned and saw his father’s face, a scream of remorse on his lips as he tried to brake and swerve when he realized that he was going to hit Justin rather than Brian. He didn’t feel the bumper of the car hit him; he knew he was hit because he watched himself fly up in the air turning like some kind of circus act. He tried to relax his body for when he inevitably hit the ground, hoping to lessen the impact. He saw Brian watching, the knees of his suit pants shredded and he knew Brian would be pissed at ruining his good pants. He could see the look in Brian’s eyes and he wanted more than anything to make things better, when his body hit the hood of the jeep and everything went black. He opened his eyes and realized that Brian was holding him. The pressure of the strong arms cradling his body made him feel safe. Brian would help him, Brian would save him. He tried to say something to this man of his but could only manage to tell him that he loved him. He tried to smile, Brian loved his smiles, they made his eyes happy, but everything went black again. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian watched helpless, as his lover was carefully loaded onto the stretcher. A policeman offered to drive Jennifer and Molly to the hospital. It had become apparent quickly that Justin needed Brian’s presence close by and the grief stricken man climbed into the ambulance to sit with Justin while it raced toward the hospital. He kept his hand on Justin the whole way, whispering words of love and encouragement, while in his head he was screaming senselessly. They reached the hospital and Justin was taken away from him. Brian met with Jennifer and Molly and together they waited for word. Slowly, one by one Brian’s friends began to arrive to sit and wait. Deb sat with her arm around Jennifer comforting her when she cried. Molly sat with Linds and Mel. Ted and Emmett arrived with Michael and they watched Brian carefully, afraid for him and how he was feeling. A policeman came in a talked with Brian for a few minutes. They walked down the hall. They hadn’t found the hit and run driver and no Brian didn’t recognize the car, though it had seemed familiar, he wasn’t sure why. Brian refused to leave and have the scrapes on his hands and knees looked after. He needed the pain to remind him he was alive. His whole life was laying broken in another room. A young doctor came out from behind the closed doors. “Mrs. Taylor” he asked. Jennifer stood; she took Brian’s hand and joined the doctor. “I’m Jennifer Taylor, Justin’s mother and this is Brian Kinney, his partner.” “Your son will be moved to a room in a few minutes. He’s a lucky boy. He has extensive bruising, most of it severe and that in itself will keep him here in the hospital for at least forty eight hours. We want to observe him closely. Nothing appears to be broken, some cuts, a few that had to be stitched. The car appears to have glanced off of him. It wasn’t a direct hit or he’d be dead.” He paused “Does your son have a problem communicating?” he asked. “What do you mean?” Brian demanded. “Justin, is extremely bright, he has no problem communicating.” “He was conscious, but he wouldn’t speak and he was extremely agitated. We’ve had to sedate him. I thought maybe he had some kind of mental difficulty. He understood what we were saying to him, but he barely acknowledged our questions.” He shrugged. “We’ll give him some time. Extreme trauma affects everyone differently.” He gave them Justin’s room number and walked away. Brian and Jennifer told the others what the doctor had said. Then “Jennifer is going to look in on Justin, but I’ll be staying the night. Deb, can you make sure they get home alright.” He looked toward Michael. “Mikey, find out what’s happened to the jeep. Have it taken to the dealer, tell him to sell it.” He walked to Mel and Linds and hugged both of them. “Thanks for coming; I’ll bring Justin by when he’s released.” He turned and followed Jennifer down the corridor to Justin’s room. He walked into the hospital room. Justin looked so small in the sterile white bed. His blonde hair matted with remnants of dried blood. His face and any part of his body that was visible, already turning black and purple from the bruising. Justin’s eyes were closed and he was tossing restlessly in his sleep. Brian rested his hand gently on Justin’s shoulder and instantly he calmed. His breathing even out and he fell into a peaceful sleep. Jennifer looked at Brian and smiled through her tears. “He used to do that for me when he was a child and had a nightmare. I only had to touch him and he felt safe and would relax.” She walked to Brian’s side of the bed and put her arm around the tall man’s waist, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m glad he feels safe with you Brian.” She stood there watching her son sleep for a few more minutes. She leaned down and gently kissed his cheek. “I’m going home now honey, Brian’s here, you’re in good hands. He’ll watch over you tonight.” She kissed Brian’s cheek and walked out of the room. Hating that her baby had grown up, but glad he had someone like Brian to be there for him. Brian stood looking down at the young man who was willing to give up his life for him. Tears began to spill over, first one, then another, until there were too many to count. He rested his head on the side of Justin’s bed and wept like he hadn’t done in many years. When a pale, bruised hand slowly lifted off the bed and began to comb gently through his hair, in comforting circles, he wept even harder for the young man who loved him. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin woke up, sun streaming into the hospital room. There wasn’t a part of his body that didn’t ache. His fingers moved and he could feel Brian’s silky hair sliding over the sensitive tips. He tried to move his head but it hurt too much, he managed to open his eyelids. “How can your fucking eyelids hurt?” he wondered. He looked down and saw the sleeping tear stained face of Brian, his head at an awkward angle on the bed. A lone tear escaped his blue eye. The knowledge that his father tried to kill Brian came flooding back along with the awareness that his father hated him so much that he’d kill the man he loved. And like the circuits on a computer, he began to shut down. The only thing that was left for him to focus on was the tear stained face of his precious Brian. He was terrified that his father would get to him somehow. He knew that he had to make sure that Brian was never out of his sight. Brian needed him to protect him. He had to make him understand. He tried to speak, but couldn’t and then he realized he didn’t have to talk. He had Brian in his hands. He’d never give him up to his father or anyone. Ignoring the pain that moving his arm caused, he moved his hand to tenderly caress the sleeping face. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal June 2001 Will our life ever be the same again? A question I ask my self a thousand times a day. Justin hasn’t spoken since he told me he loved me, after he’d been hit. I wake up some times in the night and think it was all a dream. Then I look at him sleeping beside me, always touching me, needing to know I’m there. His bruises are turning yellow and green but fading, from every where but his mind. It’s been almost seven days and still he doesn’t talk. His eyes follow me everywhere pleading with me not to leave him alone. He sits for hours staring out the windows. I can see the terror in him start to bubble up when I have to leave him for any length of time. I hate having to sedate him when I leave him with his mother or Deb. He’s calm when we visit Gus. He sits on the floor with him and Gus crawls around bringing him things and every now and then giving him unasked for hugs, as if he knows Justin needs his love desperately. Yesterday when I was getting ready to leave for the office, I couldn’t take the look in his eyes any longer so I told him he could come with me. I’m glad I hadn’t given him his sedative. He was like a puppy he was so happy and in no time at all he was standing there at the door dressed and looking amazingly hot if you discounted his fading bruises. It was the first time in days that I saw a hint of his sunshine smile and I was happy I’d made the decision to take him. On the elevator heading to the office I was wondering if I’d made a mistake. He had practically glued himself to me to get away from any one who came near us. Thank gawd for Cynthia. I’d called her to let her know what was happening. She must have talked to the guys in the Art Department because I’d only been in the office with Justin five minutes when Mike knocked on my door. He said hi to Justin like there was nothing wrong. He had some presentation boards with him and asked Justin if he could help them out seeing as Justin was spending the day here. Justin looked at me for approval and I could only nod, the lump in my throat at seeing him express some interest in something, choked me up. Justin followed Mike back to the Art Department listening carefully to Mike’s explanation of their problem; before he disappeared into their studio he turned and grinned at me, waving. It was the first time he’d willingly left my side since the accident. I didn’t get much done that day. I kept sneaking down the hall to check on Justin. He was busy at one of the drafting tables and never looked up. At lunch time I walked past the lunch room on my way to take a piss and he was sitting with the Art Department guys listening to them chatter and eating a sandwich that Cynthia later told me she’d had sent up from the deli downstairs for him. Last night for the first time since the accident, he began to initiate sex, I was afraid of hurting him, but he managed to get his point across without words and soon we were both lost in each other. He didn’t need anything to sleep that night. I’d give up everything I had if I could only hear his chatter that used to keep me awake after sex. This morning he was standing ready to go to the office with me and I couldn’t say no. He went directly to the Art Department after giving me a quick kiss by my office. I talked with Marty and he said not to worry about it. Justin can help out there until I break for my summer vacation. I’ve decided to take him back to Montreal. He’s happy there and Rosaire has arranged for him to complete his projects under his direction at home. He should still be on schedule to finish up by Christmas. Rosaire has also found him a doctor who is willing to work with him to overcome the block he has about the accident. He doesn’t give any indication he even remembers anything about it, of course he won’t talk, but he also won’t acknowledge with even facial expressions when it’s mentioned. It’s as if it never happened. Even I, a professional at keeping things inside, realize that this isn’t a good thing. Justin needs help to return to his old self. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Jennifer and Molly stood with Brian and Justin at the departure gate in the busy airport. “I don’t think that he’s ready to go back to school Brian. It’s too much for him. They haven’t even found the man who did this.” “Justin isn’t deaf Jennifer and he’s standing a foot and half away from you.” He put his arm around Justin’s shoulders and gave him a quick hug. “I’m sorry, honey” Jennifer said looking at Justin. “I worry.” Justin leaned over and kissed her cheek then slipped his fingers into Brian’s hand. He waved his other fingers at Molly and turned to move through the gate. He had to get Brian away from Pittsburgh. Get him to Montreal where he’d be safer. Brian smiled back at the two Taylor women standing alone, but let himself be led through the swinging doors. “Hold your horses Sunshine” he said. His long legs closed the distance between them with out a break in their stride. He kissed Justin’s cheek. “I can hardly wait to get back to Montreal and see what you and Vic have done with the store. Did you see Vic’s email yesterday? He’s got orders from one of the major grocery chains for the butter cream cookies. We can work on starting up a small production bakery for this kind of order. Rosaire is going to scout out some sites.” Brian talked non stop as they made their way to the plane. He continued for most of the flight. Justin never took his eyes off of him drinking in the words. For some reason Brian seemed to feel that he had to make up for everything that Justin would have been talking about. Justin loved to hear the sound of Brian’s voice. He loved to touch him and listen to him and make love with him. It meant that Brian was safe. No one could hurt him as long as they were together. He hoped his father would be punished for what he did. He’d tried to write about what had happened. To tell someone that it was his father, but he couldn’t make his hand form the words. He tried to write it on the computer but the letters he hit on the keyboard turned to gibberish. He thought it must be some kind of sign that it would be up to him to protect Brian from the person who used to be his father. He leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder, listening to his voice, the words washing over him and he smiled. The man would never hurt Brian, he’d see to that. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Maude watched Justin from her rocking chair. She was in the kitchen with all of her ‘boys’ offering advice as they worked with one of the cookie recipes. They had been teasing her ‘bad boy’ that he was only good at being the cookie taster. All of them had cracked up over his embarrassed tongue in cheek smirk he’d given them when he realized he’d eaten the plate of cookies that had been sitting on the table as he talked to all of them. Justin had been busy with the rest of them, but she noticed that his eyes rarely left Brian. He kept him in sight all the time. He’d go out of his way to pass close and touch his shoulder or bend down and kiss the top of his head. It looked to Maude like he was reassuring himself that Brian was still there. That he was all right. Maude was concerned about her little Sunshine. It seemed like he was worried about Brian. She’d watched how he would jump when the phone rang and how he always made sure he was first through the door when they left the house, his eyes searching the street for what she didn’t know. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Craig Taylor sat in his apartment. The blinds were pulled low, shielding him against the summer sun. He poured himself another scotch and looked toward the door. Everyday he expected to hear a knock on the door that would announce the police coming to take him away. He’d scrubbed the dented fender of his car clean of any sign that he’d hit his own son. A shudder ran through his body when he thought of how close he’d come to killing Justin. How could he have reached such a level that he’d consider taking another man’s life? It was only bullshit luck that he’d used the new car he’d purchased after he’d moved out of the house. Jennifer wouldn’t have recognized it. The look on Justin’s face as he recognized his father was something that Craig would take to his grave. He realized that there was probably nothing he could do to ever make Justin forgive him. He thought about the events of the past few months. He didn’t want his son to die because he was gay. He was still his son. He’d seen how Brian looked at Justin. It was the same look he used to have for Jennifer before life had changed him, and not for the better. There was only one thing he could do and that was to leave Pittsburgh. He would never get Jennifer and Molly back into his life after this and certainly not Justin. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian was stretched out on the sofa reading up on manufacturing set ups. He glanced over at Justin who was busy on the internet. He looked back at the book he was reading when he heard a sound he hadn’t heard in weeks. Justin was laughing. He dropped his book looked at his blonde lover. Justin was reading an email and laughing out loud. He got up and walked over. This was amazing. He didn’t want to make too much out of it. But he knew his face was beaming. He leaned down resting his chin on Justin’s shoulder to read the email that Justin pointed too. It was from Lindsay, she was telling Justin about Gus’s latest antics. And then he read something that made him smile even wider. The muncher’s were bringing Gus for a visit. They were taking two weeks and driving to Montreal through Vermont and visiting some of the tourist spots. They wanted to leave Gus with him and Justin for a couple of days while they explored some of the hot spots, or what they considered hot spots. Justin looked up at him and kissed his nose. His Sunshine smile was infectious. Brian kissed the smiling lips and asked. “You don’t mind if Gus intrudes on our summer vacation?” Justin laughed out loud again and like a puppy when it first barks looked startled when he heard the sound. He jumped up from his chair and threw his arms around Brian’s neck. Brian laughed and picked him up putting him over his shoulder and carried him up the stairs to the bedroom. He unceremoniously dumped him on the big bed where Justin lay grinning up at him. Justin put his hand down to the front of his pants, stoking his hardening cock suggestively through the cotton material. He let his tongue peek out between his lips and winked at Brian. Brian grabbed his pant legs and pulled the cotton sweats down and off with one swift motion exposing Justin’s lack of underwear when the stiff cock snapped up hitting Justin’s stomach. They both laughed at that. Justin pulled his tee shirt off over his head. Brian stared at the pale body lying on the deep blue duvet. He removed his own clothes and stretched full length on top of the smaller man. His weight pressed Justin into the mattress and Justin sighed. He loved it when Brian lay on top of him. He knew he was alive and well when the heavy weight covered his body. He put his hand behind Brian’s head and guided the sweet tasting lips to his. Brian was probably the best kisser in the world, he was sure of that. He shut his eyes letting his senses take over. Brian began to whisper love words to him, telling him that he loved him and wanted him and that he was beautiful. If he ever saw the man that was his father again he would thank him for that. For making Brian talk to him, to say words that he never did before. He sighed and wiggled suggestively. He wanted Brian inside him. He needed to feel the fullness of the thick cock. Brian knew what Justin wanted. He maybe didn’t talk, but he certainly made it clear to Brian what he wanted sexually. Brian grabbed the lube and a condom off the night stand. He handed Justin the condom and Justin ripped it open and smoothed it over the straining cock with sure and swift moves. Brian snicked the lid of the tube of lube open and watched as Justin liberally coated the hard latex covered cock. Brian looked into the blue eyes that finally were circled in white instead of the bloody orbs they had been for so many days. He watched as the blue eyes darken with the lust and passion that Justin had for him. He leaned back and Justin pulled his legs up. Brian put some lube on his fingers and smoothed it over the quivering hole. Laughing out loud again as Justin wiggled his ass as if chasing the fingers, wanting more, Brian let one finger enter the eager opening, listening for the hiss of Justin’s breath as he prepared the tight ring of muscle to relax. A wiggle from Justin indicated he could handle another finger and Brian obliged. Soon he was able to place his thick cock at the entrance. He slowly pushed in giving Justin time to adjust, waiting for signs that he was ready for more. Justin’s smile and the way he gasped told him to begin the age old rocking motion that brought pleasure to them both. Brian slowly began to move in and out, teasing the young man with his movements. Letting them both build up gradually to the release they craved. He leaned down to kiss the swollen lips, his tongue searching and finding another. He groaned as the tightness began to build in his balls, he was so very close to cuming. He sat back on his knees and began to stroke Justin’s cock, his fingers tight around the girth of it, slick with sweat and precum. He could feel the urgency building and he had to release Justin’s cock to move his legs higher on his shoulders while he increased the tempo of this dance of love. Justin’s hand replaced his. He locked eyes with his blonde lover and together they watched as they both came in waves of pleasure. Justin’s cum shooting up to his chin. Brian bent down and licked it off and Justin laughed out loud with the pleasure of it. Justin looked at Brian and mouthed “I love you”. Brian pulled him tight in his arms and whispered “I know you do baby, I love you too.” He held Justin until the regular breathing told him that Justin had fallen asleep. He reached over and pulled the end of the duvet up around the pale shoulders. He moved so that he was propped up on one elbow and he watched Justin sleep. He traced the pale eyelids, the blue veins like lace showing through, with his finger tip. Justin moved closer to him in his sleep. “Justin, baby, what am I going to do with you? How can I make you understand that you don’t need to watch me? I’m not going to disappear. No one is going to hurt me.” his voice barely a whisper in the quiet of the bedroom. He knew Maude was right. Justin knew something about the car that had tried to kill him and he thought he was protecting Brian. He could see in his eyes that he was terrified something was going to happen. It hurt him deeply to know that Justin was worried about him to this extent. He lay back down counted silently to three and sure enough, the warm sleeping body moved closer until Justin’s head rested on his chest, his leg over Brian’s and his arm wrapped around his waist. He smiled and shut his eyes, enjoying the closeness of his partner. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Word had spread in the large gay community about the amazing new cookie shop that had opened up the first week of July. Brian had tried to convince Vic and Rosaire it was because of the tall handsome queer who was behind the counter. Vic and Rosaire were sure it was the cookies but they did acknowledge that their choice of staffing did help. Justin when asked, just smiled and continued to sit in his corner of the sunlit store and sketch the action in the street outside his window or in the store itself. He was always quick to come to Brian’s rescue when the number of customer’s built up. Vic was in the back baking or overseeing the baking in the small cookie factory they’d started. Even Maude pitched in behind the counter once in a while. They had all agreed not to hire a lot of staff until after their first month. They wanted to see how the store would operate, to work out any glitches in the system on their own before involving someone from the outside in their little enterprise. Justin had emailed Melanie and Lindsay the location of the store and told them that they would be there during the day and to bring Gus there when they arrived. The two women, Gus in a small stroller were walking slowly down the busy street taking in all the small specialty shops and enjoying the atmosphere of the street when Lindsay pointed out Maude’s Cookies on the other side. “Look Mel there’s the cookie shop.” They could see a steady line of customers entering the small store and leaving carrying bags of cookies. They noticed Justin sitting at a small table by the picture window, sketch book in hand. They watched him smile at something someone said and realized he still wasn’t talking. “Justin looks happy” Lindsay said. “Oh my gawd” Melanie began to laugh. “Where the fuck is my camera? No one back in the Pitts is going to believe this.” Lindsay looked around not sure what Melanie was talking about. “Look in the store, right at the back where the counter is.” Melanie said. She had the camera out of the tote bag and was leading the way across the street. When they reached the doorway to the small store she motioned to Lindsay to stay back for a moment. She popped in the door and began to snap pictures of Brian, who was behind the counter dressed to kill in designer casual. Brian was smiling, yes actually smiling as he laughed and joked with each customer, while at the same time efficiently filled their requests. Rosaire was beside him and the two worked like a well trained team, making each customer feel important yet serving them and moving on to the next one quickly. Justin spotted them first. The joy in Justin’s laugh as he walked toward Gus alerted Brian and Rosaire. The store was busy and the two behind the counter continued to work while Justin greeted Mel and Lindsay. Gus, seeing Justin held his arms high wanting to be picked up. Melanie snapped a picture of her son with his arms wrapped around Justin’s neck happy to see him. A lull in the line of customers let Brian come out from behind the counter and talk to Lindsay and Mel. Melanie was astounded at how different Brian was here in Montreal. He was relaxed and constantly smiling. He kissed the top of Justin’s head and his son’s before he sat at the table with the two women. “And you girls thought I was just another pretty face.” He smirked. “I tell Vic and Justin that all these fags who have a sudden interest in buying cookies are buying them for the eye candy behind the counter.” Justin reached over; his hand softly stroked his lover’s cheek. Brian took the hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each finger tenderly. Melanie and Lindsay looked on amazed at this comfortable display of affection between the two men. Gus looked at his two favorite men and smiled, happy to be in the arms of one and so close to the other. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal July 2001 It was another busy day in the store. Justin has set up a spot near his table with a play pen for Gus to safely sit and nap during the day. He doesn’t have to worry about Gus being bored because most of our regulars stop and fuss over the kid before they reach the counter. My two babies bask in the attention. Justin gets so many lattes bought for him from the Starbucks on the corner, it’s a wonder he can even walk. I think everyone is hoping to be the one to get him to talk, because by now you can be sure the whole street knows his story. Gus keeps a close eye on Justin, it’s almost like the roles are reversed and Gus wants to make sure that Justin is doing ok during the day. As for myself, I’m actually enjoying this interlude of helping Vic and Rosaire. I never thought I’d see the day when I’d be behind the counter of a store selling something like cookies. I’m going to miss it when I have to return to the Pitts and the return to the corporate grind. We’re planning on hiring and training some staff next week. I think I’ll take Justin on a summer tour of the Eastern Townships for the last weeks of my stay. He has a small two week break in his studies before he begins his killer schedule again. He’s determined to be finished and back in Pittsburgh by Christmas. I know he’s worried about my return alone in August. I’ve tried to reassure him that I’ll be fine, but he has it in his head that I need him with me. I’ve talked to his doctor here about this obsession he has and I know that it’s lessened since we’ve been in Montreal, but I’m expecting the worst when it comes time for me to leave. I can hear Justin and Gus in the small room off the kitchen where we have set up Gus’s crib. Justin put in a baby monitor, he was afraid we wouldn’t hear Gus if he woke up during the night. I like to keep it on to listen to them both, because Justin doesn’t realize that alone in the room with Gus, he actually talks. It’s the only time that he does. The doctor thinks that it’s because he feels Gus is safe to confide in. So I sit out here in the living room, and listen to the sound of his voice as he and Gus play, both of them chatting happily away to each other. When they come out and join me, it’s as if Gus understands why Justin can’t talk and Gus prattles away to me in his mystery baby language, keeping the silence at bay. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin tucked Gus into his crib, kissing him first on the nose, making him smile, just like it did when he kissed Brian on ‘his’ nose. “I’m loving you to pieces Gus.” His voice was a mere whisper. “Thank you for listening to me, I’m so afraid my father is going to hurt Brian again. I just don’t know what to do.” Gus smiled up at Justin, his eyes were sleepy but he liked to listen to the soft voice of this big person. “You’re a lucky little boy. You have a daddy who loves you and who would never hurt you or the person you love.” He stood by the crib, his hand on Gus, letting his touch reassure the small boy until the hazel eyes closed and his breathing became soft and steady. Justin turned to walk out of the bedroom. He gasped when he saw Brian standing there. Brian held out his arms and Justin walked into the loving embrace. Brian sank to the floor his back against the wall and pulled Justin down with him. Justin kept his face buried in Brian’s chest while the older man cradled him, rocking gently back and forth. “Baby, I’m sorry, I heard you talking to Gus.” Brian paused letting Justin think about what he’d just said. “You don’t have to worry about me any more. No one is going to hurt me, not your father, not anyone.” He rubbed Justin’s back in reassuring circles. “I’m afraid to let you go back to Pittsburgh” Justin’s voice was so low that if Brian hadn’t been holding him, he was sure he wouldn’t have heard it. “Oh, Sunshine, don’t be afraid for me.” Brian whispered in his ear. “All of us have to face life head on. We can’t be forever looking around corners afraid to move.” “But I know him Brian; he’ll try to hurt you again. But if I’m here and you’re there, I won’t be able to stop him.” Justin felt a shudder ripple through his body and he clung even tighter to Brian. “Look, you and I, we’ll work something out about your father.” He kissed the top of Justin’s head. “Can you tell me why you wouldn’t talk?” “It’s not that I wouldn’t talk, it’s more like I couldn’t. When I woke up that first morning in the hospital and realized that my father almost killed you, something kind of shut down in me. Since we’ve been here in Montreal, with Maude and Vic and Rosaire, it’s been getting better. I started to be able to talk if I was alone, but when I’d see you, all I could see was my father’s face, see what he looked like when he was aiming his car at you, and the words were gone.” He sniffed, trying to hold back his tears. “I’m sorry Brian, I didn’t want to hurt you.” He looked over at Gus who was sleeping peacefully, “When Gus came, I could talk to him, and he’s so much like you.” He looked up at Brian. “You would never hurt Gus.” “I wouldn’t hurt either of you, not intentionally.” Brian said. “What am I going to do Brian? My father tried to kill you. If I tell the police they’ll hurt him and he’s my father, but I love you, I’m so mixed up I don’t know what to do.” “Justin, your father damn near killed you. I know he meant to hit me, but he didn’t, he hit you. For that I’ll never forgive him. We won’t even go into the mind washing fiasco that he orchestrated. He has to have help Justin. You can’t cover up for him.” Justin nodded his head, resigned. He knew Brian was right. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Craig Taylor sat in the armchair in his living room. The past few days he’d spent getting his affairs in order. He’d resigned from his work, and in a few minutes the moving storage company would be here to pick up his belongs and put them in storage. He looked at the picture of his family, the one thing he’d kept out of the boxes that surrounded him. He’d put it in his suitcase once the place was emptied. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he knew he had to get away. He’d get into his car and drive, let the highway take him to an unknown destination. He heard a knock on the door and got up to answer it, not bothering to check who was on the other side, expecting only to see the movers. He opened the door and was surprised to see two men standing there along with his wife. “Craig” Jennifer said. “Justin told us what you did.” She stood back and let the two men enter the room. She slowly turned around and headed back to the elevator and to her life. Faintly heard behind her was the sound of the detectives reading her husband his rights. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian and Justin sat on the large flat surface of the rock at the top of Mount Owl’s Head, remnants of a picnic lunch beside them. Brian held Justin’s hand in his and the two of them looked out and down on the long lake below them. Brian pointed out the steeple of a church nestled in among a few houses. “That Church is in Vermont. You know, queers can be married in Vermont, you can go snow boarding in Vermont, you can go to Maple Sugar festivals. Vermont offers lots of possibilities for vacations.” “It does offer lots of possibilities.” Justin answered. “I was thinking, of driving up here to get you at Christmas, we could try out my new car. I know you’ll have a lot of stuff to bring back.” “I think Vic is going to take over the apartment when I go.” “That would be good. Maude likes him.” “Brian, do you think it’s stupid for queers to get married. I mean it’s only a piece of paper.” “I used to think that, but not now. I think that if two guys love each other, the fact that they want to formalize the commitment they’re making adds substance to the relationship.” “How do you know if you love someone enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them?” “It’s a gamble you take Justin. You have to love someone enough to take that first step.” Justin sighed; his other hand went into his pocket, his fingers tracing the small piece of ocean glass that Brian had given him so long ago. Brian smiled to himself, he knew what Justin was doing whenever he put his hand in his pocket. “Justin, when we drive back to the Pitts at Christmas, we could drive right past that little Church. We could even stop in.” “We could” Justin agreed. He sat up a little straighter looking with new interest at the small steeple in the distance. “Twelve years is a lot of years between us.” “Not so much Brian” “I work a lot of long hours, sometimes even on the weekends and I often have to travel. I’m away days at a time.” “I have school and Uncle Marty said I could work in the Art Department if I wanted, maybe make some money and even see you once in a while during the day, while you’re working so hard.” “I have a bunch of nosey friends that won’t leave me alone” “I have a couple of friends like that myself and I get along real good with Deb and Emmett, I could even learn to like Michael better.” “I gave my heart away to someone two years ago. It’s hard to live without it. I need for that someone to live with me for the rest of my life.” “He will Brian.” Brian put his arm around Justin and pulled him close and they looked out over the valley below, both of them lost in their dreams of the future.