Boys of Summer Part 5 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUSAN – THIS CHAPTER IS YOURS sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin snuggled closer to Brian. It was his last day of this Thanksgiving visit and he didn't want to let him go. He opened one eye to see laughing hazel ones looking at him. "Good morning baby" Brian brushed Justin's lips with his. He looked over at the tall bear who was perched on the dresser. "I think that next visit, Bruno has to sleep in the spare bedroom. I damn near had a heart attack when I came out of the bathroom in the middle of the night and saw him sitting on the dresser." Justin giggled. "You shouldn't have had the brandy with Rosaire after dinner." "His eyes are beady and they stare at me" "He's nice and warm and cuddly when you aren't here." "You really do sleep with him?" "Of course" Justin let his hand wander down Brian's torso and began to rub the stiff rod he discovered between his fingers. "I think I'm jealous of a teddy bear" Brian nuzzled Justin's neck. "I bet he doesn't do this to you" He sucked the skin on the base of Justin's neck, placing his mark on the delicate pale skin." "No, he’s much better behaved." Justin teased. "He knows I hate having to wear collars for a week to cover up love bites." "Such a hardship for his boy, I bet he just doesn't love you as much as I do. He looks kind of fickle to me." "No he tells me he loves me every day." Justin said. "He whispers in my ear when I'm sleeping. He says 'Brian loves you' over and over. Oh my goodness, I just realized he says Brian, not Bruno - he IS a nice bear, reminding me of you." Justin kissed the silky auburn locks. "You can't be jealous of a bear who tells me that you love me." "If he's in your bed and I'm not, than I can so be jealous" Brian said, but his voice was muffled because now he was under the duvet, letting his tongue flick the end of Justin's rock hard morning woody. "Hmmmm, that's too big and hard for a mouth." He moved up the bed and rolled over on his stomach. "Fuck me baby" he wiggled his ass "Make me scream your name." "You say much more romantic things than Bruno, I think I'll do just that" Justin moved into position, his hands already grabbing the lube and condom. "Hold that eager ass still" Justin hit it with the flat of his hand leaving a red print on Brian's ass and causing his lover to moan deeply into the pillow. "Fuck me baby, I want it now." Brian pushed his ass back looking for the hard cock he knew was there." Justin slapped him again. "Patience is a virtue" Brian was incredibly turned on by Justin's slaps, he wiggled again and was rewarded with another hard slap then he felt the heat of Justin's latex covered cock, knocking against his waiting asshole. He hissed with expelled air when Justin thrust his cold lube covered finger into his tight hole. He shoved back wanting it deeper. Justin added another finger moving them to loosen the tight ring of muscle. "I want your cock Justin, now" he gasped, his breath ragged. His own cock was rubbing impatiently with each backward thrust against the smooth cotton of the sheets. "You want it Brian? You want it hard and fast?" Justin's cock head pushed into the well-lubed tight entrance. He was willing to wait for Brian to adjust, he so seldom bottomed that Justin knew it had to be painful. Brian thrust backward impaling Justin's thick member in his tight velvety tunnel, his breath pushed out of him in a keening moan. Justin gripped the slender hips and began to ride him hard and fast, Brian kept his ass pushed up as he braced himself against the headboard, his face buried in the pillow. He managed to get one hand down and grabbed his sensitive cock as the pressure built in his balls, and came screaming Justin's name into the down pillow. His ass muscles clenched Justin's cock as Justin leaned over to brand Brian with a love bite and he filled the condom with his hot cum, Brian's name on his lips as he bit down on the shoulder the orgasmic spasms ripping the words out of his mouth. Slowly their breathing returned to normal and Brian let his body go flat. Justin pulled his cock out of the warm tight tunnel with reluctance and removed the condom. Brian rolled over pulling Justin down tight to his sweat and cum drenched chest, holding him close as he placed butterfly kisses on the flushed face. "Geeze, Justin, you could turn me into a bottom yet. That was more than fantastic." Justin snuggled closer, "It was, wasn't it." His voice was full of love. "But I kind of like your cock in me most of the time." "Selfish little brat" Brian hugged him tight. "I like putting my cock in you too, but this was definitely lots of fun. So you have to share more often." Justin sighed, pretending hardship. "I suppose, if you really want me to." Then he giggled and kissed Brian, deeply and passionately his tongue dueling with Brian's until once again they were breathless. "I'm not letting you out of this bed. I'll call your work and tell them you've been kidnapped." sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal December 2000 The closer it gets to Christmas I actually begin to get excited. Now that's a first, I haven't felt this kind of Christmas anticipation since I was six. Our Thanksgiving time in Montreal was idyllic. Justin insisted we cook a turkey and he invited Rosaire and Maude to dinner. It was the first time we had entertained as a couple and if felt good. Justin made the dinner, I served our guests. Rosaire and Maude entertained us with stories of Ira and the happy times they had shared. It was the first time Maude had been up to the apartment since the day she buried Ira. At first she was a little sad, but Justin, my Justin, had her smiling and laughing in no time. She said when she left that she knew Ira would be happy knowing his apartment was full of life and love and laughter after all this time. Rosaire agreed with her. After Rosaire took her back home, he came back and joined us for an after dinner brandy. I don't know how the subject came up, probably my inquisitive partner asking personal questions, but he told us that he'd never found anyone else after Ira died. He's fifty-nine and he's been alone for thirty-nine years. He was only twenty when Ira was murdered. He sat there studying a small wallet sized photo of his long dead lover and explained about the love he felt for the man. Strangely enough I understood completely, because it's how I feel about Justin. Justin of course was in tears by the time Rosaire had related his love story with Ira. He has such a soft and romantic heart. Rosaire and I pretended to believe his allergy story and let him go up to the bedroom for a good cry. When he came back he sat in curled up in my lap like he was afraid I'd disappear. We had fun telling Rosaire our own version of the great love story of the century. Justin proudly showed him the little piece of pink ocean glass that means so much to him, as well as the heart pendant he wears always. Rosaire stood up and pulled out a small piece of green ocean glass in the shape of a heart. And told us that Ira had given it to him on their first date when they had walked along the banks of the Saint Lawrence River. He said it was one of the few things that were more precious to him than anything else he owned in the world. And once again Justin's allergies began to act up. I'm going to have to start carrying handkerchiefs just to keep from having my shirtfronts soaked. When I went to refresh our drinks, I looked back into the living room and saw two blonde heads together, one sun streaked, one graying as they sat there comparing their two pieces of ocean glass. Justin showed him the pendant and how the jeweler had been able to make the heart on the pendant closely resemble the small piece of glass. Both of them are so much alike you would swear they were related. Rosaire told us that a few years ago he'd decided to have the glass cast in Lucite to put out as an object'd'art but he wasn't able to leave it in the shop. He hadn't gotten out of the shop door when he had to turn around to get the piece back and put it in his pocket. Justin completely understood, he leaned against Rosaire's shoulder offering him comfort. Justin showed him how to sign "heart - in - my - pocket" and told Rosaire of how he'd sign this to me last year in Pittsburgh. The next thing you know we had Rosaire laughing out loud at some of the places Justin had spotted me and signed the words of love. I remember a few times that I'm sure Michael thought I'd lost it completely. Like the time I was stopped at a red light and Justin and his mother were in the car next to me. He signed the words and I burst out laughing, stalled the Jeep and we ended up sitting through another red light, to considerable horn honking and bitching from Michael. I feel like I'm living in some kind of alternate universe when I step off the plane in Montreal. It's like the world gets just that much brighter. I see the wide smile that lights up his face and I melt inside no matter how gruff I try to be outside. I'm afraid that when he comes back to the Pitts, that some poison in the air will change the two of us and I'll revert to type and he'll hate me for it. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss "Justin, please reconsider and come home for Christmas." Justin's mother pleaded with him. "Mom, I told you I'm not coming home until Dad apologizes. I'm not going to change who I am. I'm gay and he has to learn to accept that." "At least come to Pittsburgh, Molly and I both want to see you." "I'll think about it mom, but you have to understand I'm hurt too." Justin said quietly. "My own father basically told me he hates me. Not to mention that my whole life he and I planned how my University years were going to be and now he refuses to honor those plans we made. I have to rely on strangers and Brian to live." He sighed, "It makes me feel like shit sometimes mom." "I know Justin, I find this difficult too." She paused. "Frankly, he isn't the man I married. I look at Molly and I don't want to lose her someday as well if she isn't exactly what he expects of her." "How do you live with someone who changes like that?" Justin asked his voice cracking. "You try and work it out" Jennifer said quietly "and then you have to decide if you can live a lie. If you can't, if you want to be at least half as strong as your son, if you want to be able to look yourself in the mirror, then Justin you make the hard decision to leave." "A divorce, you're going to get a divorce because of me." Justin's voice was almost a whisper. "Justin, we raised you to be strong, to be yourself no matter what or who that is. I think we did a good job." She paused, wanting to get this right. "Your father has lost sight of what is right or wrong. He isn't seeing that you are still Justin Taylor our son, a kind, loving and artistic young man." She took a deep breath. "Justin, Brian has a son, now if you and Brian are part of his life and he reaches the age of seventeen and tells you that he is straight, or gay, or bisexual, are you going to love him any less than you do now?" "Mom, I would love Gus no matter what. How can you ask me that?" "Then you are the young man I raised, the young man that I love. Your father can't see past his prejudices for what ever reason, and frankly Justin, that's his loss." "I think I understand Mom." Justin said, but his voice was sad. "Look, Mom, I'll get back to you about Christmas." "I'll wait for you decision, but Molly and I miss you Justin." sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss "Brian, there's a call for you on line one" Cynthia's voice came over the intercom. "A Mr. Taylor" "Tell him I'll be right there." Brian stood up "Sorry, but I have to take this call Mr. Abrams; we'll get back to you by tomorrow with the figures." He shook the client's hand and showed him to the door. Each movement unhurried, but inside he wanted to snatch the phone off the hook. He looked out at Cynthia and was surprised to see her chatting on the phone. He raised his eyebrows, she mouthed 'Justin', and smiled at him. He went back and sat at his desk, he turned and looked at his picture of Justin in the summer garden, just thinking of his golden young man made his stomach flutter. Finally the phone rang. "Hey Sunshine, why the call in the middle of the day?" there was concern in Brian's voice but Justin felt better just hearing the calm words of his lover. "I had kind of a problem, but Cynthia helped." Justin said "It's about my mom, she wants me to come to Pittsburgh for Christmas." He hesitated. "I think my mom is getting a divorce, my dad is still being an asshole about me. She says he isn't who she thought he was and she can't live like that." Brian knew how much this meant to Justin and he wanted to say the right thing. "It happens Sunshine, even in the best of relationships, people change. Your mother is a young woman and she has Molly to think about." "I know, Cynthia was pretty awesome about making me feel like it wasn't my fault." He paused "But I still kind of feel that way." "Justin, if it wasn't you, it would be something else" he sighed "People can't hide their real selves forever." And when he said this he wondered. Who was the real Brian Kinney? The soft, loving man that he was with Justin and Gus, or was he the hard cynical bastard, who used sex drugs and alcohol as pain management? Will the real Brian Kinney stand up and take a bow. "Brian, I can't come to Pittsburgh at Christmas. I can't stay at my Mom's, if Dad is there. It will only cause problems. I don't want Molly to have a bad Christmas." His voice broke. "Can you explain to my mom?" "I'll do better than that." Brian girded his loins so to speak, this was going to completely blow his cover regarding Justin with the gang. "Come home to me. You can live in the loft; I want you to consider it your home. We'll spend a few days doing the Christmas thing with everybody and then go back to Montreal for New Years and to recover from the Pittsburgh Christmas trauma." Justin laughed. Brian sounded so hard done by. He could see the tall man now with his lip slightly curled at the thought of having their relationship exposed to his friends. "You are such a Drama Queen" he said laughing. "What, it was an honest invitation." Brian was indignant. "It means that you and I will be the main topic of conversation with your friends." "Justin, I'm not hiding you, I'm proud to have you as my boyfriend, lover, partner, what ever you want to call it." Brian declared. "Sounds interesting" Justin pretended to decide. "If I don't take you up on your offer, what will happen?" "Then I'll get on a plane and fly to Montreal, because there is no way I'm spending Christmas without you." "I thought you told me that Christmas, like birthdays, and Valentines Day and anniversaries, is just so much nonsense." "Yet I'm snuggled up to Bruno, and have my pendant." "So, for some reason, you break down my barriers. It must be the blue eyes, or maybe it's that fabulous ass." "Or maybe you love me" Justin stated. "That too" Brian smiled. He looked at Justin's picture and remembered him standing at the top of the stairs haloed in sunlight. "Can we go dancing at Babylon?" "If you're good" Brian chuckled. "I'm very, very good" Justin's voice had turned low and sultry. Brian's cock recognized that tone of voice and was immediately rock hard, his asshole twitched. Oh his parts definitely recognized that voice. "Geeze Justin, don't start, what if Cynthia walked in?" "She would see my lover sitting at his desk stroking his thick hard rod" "Yes" Brian gasped, his hand released his cock from the confines of his pants. "She'd see the glistening precum on the head and she'd watch you take it and smooth it over the shaft for lubricant." "She would," his voice was ragged. "She'd see you stroking it and she'd know you were thinking about me, maybe about the morning I fucked you so hard you could hardly walk after. Remember my cock sliding into your waiting hole? Do you remember my balls slapping against yours as I rode you hard and fast?" now Justin's voice was coming in short pants. "Yes, baby, I remember" "Do you feel it Brian? Pump your cock harder, aaahhhhh that's it Brian, I'm cumming Briiiiiiiaaaaan" Justin screamed as his load shot out over the bed where he was laying. "Fuck Juuuuussssttttin" Brian gave a strangled moan, cum spurting out on the desktop. He managed to cup his hand around the last bit. It would be hard enough explaining the sounds in the office without the front of his pants being wet. Brian quickly cleaned himself up and put his cock away. "You are a bad boy, not a good one," he teased. "But you'll still take me to Babylon, right?" "I'll do anything you want. I'm afraid you have my heart in your pocket." "I do, don't I?" Justin smiled into the phone. "I love you Brian." sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian was in his usual spot in the back booth of the diner when Debbie asked him "You coming over for Christmas dinner Brian?" Ted and Emmett didn't bother to look up, the same question was asked every year and every year Brian said no. "Sure Deb, but could I bring 3 guests?" Three heads snapped up, that wasn't the right response. "Sure Brian, you know there's always plenty of food at our place." "Thanks Deb, I appreciate the invitation. I didn't want to try and cook myself and a restaurant seems kind of impersonal at Christmas." "Crap Brian, since when do you care about Christmas?" Michael had to ask. "I've always cared about Christmas Mikey. Christmas just didn't care about me. This year I think it does." He went back to reading his paper, completely oblivious to the raised eyebrows around him. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss "Brian" his mother said into the phone. "Oh, hi Mom" Brian had answered the phone; distracted by the confusion he had spread all around him. He was trying to decorate for Christmas and had no idea how to even start. "You sound distracted" she said. "I'm trying to figure out how to put together a damn Christmas tree and if that isn't irritating enough, the lights are all stuck in between little pieces of rock hard plastic. Are you supposed to pop them out or just rip them and hope for the best?" "Brian, I can't believe you are decorating for Christmas. You've lived on your own since you were eighteen and never once have you had so much as a poinsettia near you at Christmas." "Well, twenty five of the suckers were delivered today. It seemed like a good idea the time but now what do I do with them." "I thought your kind were good at decorating" "What, ad executives, or queers mom? It isn't part of the requirement for joining up; you won't lose your membership card if you suck at Christmas decorating." "Do you want me to come over and help?" she offered, not sure why she did, he never would accept help from her. Brian looked around at the chaos. If he didn't get help Justin would never let him forget this first Christmas and the mess he'd made. "Sure, mom, that would be great. Take a cab, I'll pay for it." sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian sat back on the white sofa and surveyed the large room. His mother put the final touches to the tree. She'd help him decorate it very simply with hundreds of clear twinkling lights and white and silver bows. The white velvet tree skirt under it completed the look with pots of red and white poinsettias placed on the skirt around the tree and scattered through out the vast room. He had taken out the debris left from the decorating. His mother sat beside him, he handed her a glass of wine and they toasted each other for a job well done. "You did a great job Mom." He said sincerely. "At least you recognize good decorating even if you can't do it yourself" she joked. "Yes, the gay gene does let me see a great product" he said tongue in cheek. She picked up a stack of photos he'd left on the coffee table and began to look through them. "Your friend looks very happy with you Brian, Justin sat, his back against Brian, Brian's arms wrapped tight around him on some grass." She commented. She looked at one that was taken in the summer, Brian standing in a fountain on the grounds of the Chateau Dufresne making faces at Justin taking his picture. His pants rolled to his knees. He remembered that day; it had to have been at least a hundred degrees. "I don't think I've ever seen you look this happy Brian." Soon he found himself going through the photos with her, explaining the circumstance of each one, not realizing that when he talked about the ones with Justin, his voice would soften to a caress when he said his name. When the last photo had been looked at Joan Kinney sat back and looked at her son. He was sitting relaxed and smiling, two things he'd never been in her presence for so long that she barely recognized it. "You love him very much." She stated and she realized that indeed, Brian did love the young blonde in the pictures." Brian looked away, embarrassed at revealing this part of his life. "You do love him don't you?" she asked. "Yes, I do." He answered simply. "Can I meet him?" "Do you really want to Mom? I don't want him hurt by any harsh words. He's not used to the Kinney tradition of cutting people with words." "Brian, things change." She looked around her. "Look at you, this loft, yes things change." "I'd like you to meet him." "I know I ask you this every Christmas, but would you come to midnight mass with me, bring your, bring Justin?" Brian remembered how much he had enjoyed the midnight masses of his childhood. It was the one part of Christmas that was always perfect. The Church decorated for Christmas and the choir singing the traditional carols. Sometimes the memory of that hour was the only thing that got him through the hell that the next day would bring. "I'll ask Justin. I'm not making any promises." He conceded. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin was nervous about going back to Pittsburgh and staying with Brian, in his loft. Brian had talked so much about the loft that he felt he knew it, but somehow this was going to be different. When they had first met on neutral ground at the cottage and fallen in love, it was different, just the two of them with little or no outside influences. Then the past summer and now the fall, had made some changes. Not in the way Justin felt about Brian, and he was pretty sure that Brian still felt the same way about him, but there were Brian's friends to contend with, his parents and there was Justin's mother and sister and his father. There would be no escape, no place to retreat, just the two of them and Justin was afraid that what they had together would suffer. Brian was pacing the airport arrivals area. He must have walked back and forth a hundred times. He’d done it so often, he'd caught the attention of the security cameras. A tall well-dressed man approached Brian. "Sir" he said. Two uniformed men stood close by in case of trouble. Brian looked up absently as he came to a stop in front of the tall man. "Yes?" his voice was questioning. "Is there a problem sir?" the supervisor asked. "A problem?" Brian looked around not sure what the guy meant. "Yes sir, you've been pacing back and forth, in fact we're a bit concerned Sir." "What, that I'll wear out the floor?" Brian looked down at the cement flooring. "It looks ok to me." "If you'll come with me Sir," the supervisor said. He wanted to get this man out of the way before the Montreal passengers swarmed in. Their plane had landed half an hour ago. The first passenger should be clearing customs any moment. Just then the large double doors burst open and a blonde loaded with a backpack and two suitcases came through. He looked around and seeing Brian standing a few feet away, he dropped his suitcases and ran and threw himself in Brian's arms. He kissed him passionately, not noticing the man standing beside his lover. The tall man shook his head and walked away, he waved to the two uniformed guards and the three of the disappeared through a door in the wall. Brian caught up in his lover’s embrace, barely noticed that the man had departed. Brian peeled Justin off of him laughing. "Down boy, let’s get you home" "I can't wait that long" Justin grinned at him, but he picked up his suitcases. Brian took one from him. "Gawd, Justin, you're only going to be here a few days." He hefted the suitcase. "This weighs a ton." "I brought presents" "But two suitcases" "Maude insisted I bring you some of the Christmas baking we did." He grinned at Brian. "I told her you wouldn't eat all the cookies and squares and things but she thinks you're too thin. Maybe I should just give it to Mom." Brian looked almost shy, and Justin thought he could see a bit of the five year old Brian who must have been adorable, "That's ok Justin; I don't want to hurt Maude's feelings. I want to be able to tell her honestly how things tasted." Justin quickly turned and pretended interest in the cars that were parked in the lot they were walking through. His face spit into a big grin, boy was he on to Brian. "Maude and Rosaire are going to wait for us to get back to Montreal next week to have their Christmas celebrations. They said we were the only family they have so they want to wait." He looked at Brian "maybe next year we should do them first." "That might be a good idea Sunshine or we could have your mom and Molly and maybe the munchers and Gus come to Montreal." "Hey, that would be cool. Gus will be two then, he'll really be into Christmas." "Yes, having my two babies together at Christmas definitely makes it more interesting." "Next thing you know Brian, you're going to want a pipe and slippers for Christmas, you're getting so old" "Twat" Brian swatted Justin's ass with his free hand. Justin pushed his behind back into Brian's hand. "I'm not sure I heard that Brian, do it again only harder" he turned and grinned at Brian, and looked pointedly down at the front of Brian's jeans that were now straining. "Any idea I had of you behaving yourself is pretty much gone, eh?" Brian teased." "You'll love me anyway, won't you Brian?" Justin smiled. "I'll always love you, Sunshine." sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss "I don't know Justin; I thought you'd want to go to the loft first." Brian said. "I do want to go to the loft and see everything and most of all make mad passionate love to you. But you and I both know that once we get naked and sweaty there is no way we're going anywhere else today. I promised Lindsay I'd stop by with you and see Gus." "You know it's just her way of being nosey and seeing if we really are a couple?" Brian turned down Lindsay's street. "Are you nervous Brian? I mean about us, you know being a 'couple'." Justin hesitated "Cause I am." He wanted to justify what he'd said. "I'm not nervous about us, I know you love me and I love you, but more about what your friends are going to say." "Justin, there comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to decide whether you want only friends in your life or whether you want a partner to share with those friends." He patted Justin's thigh in reassurance "I think I'm ready to share my partner with my friends." The two of them got out of the jeep and walked hand in hand to the front door at Mel and Lindsay's house. Brian looked down at the expectant face "Gus isn't two yet Justin, he probably won't remember you." "I know, but I really want to see him. We kind of bonded" he looked at Brian. "I used to pretend he was ours. Is that just too girly or what?" Brian looked at him and smiled and wondered if there had ever been a time when he was so free and trusting as his lover was. He rang the doorbell and Lindsay answered right away, she had Gus in her arms. Gus took one look at Justin standing there and launched himself in his direction. Justin had all he could to do to catch and contain the small ball of energy. Gus was grinning widely and so was Justin. Gus patted Justin's face with his hands and said something unintelligible. Justin answered him solemnly. "Yes, I'm back for a visit." He carried Gus inside leaving Lindsay and Brian standing looking amazed. Justin sat on the floor with Gus surrounded by small cars and began to play with him stopping only to look up at Brian and say. "He remembered me" his voice was happy. Brian bent down and unzipped Justin's jacket, helping him out of it. Justin barely noticed as he and Gus played with the small cars and trucks. Lindsay stood back and watched the three of them. She smiled fondly at Gus and Justin as they ran the cars over the carpet and she knew that she would have to paint this picture. Her eyes were big with wonder and amazement when she saw Brian stoop and remove Justin's jacket, planting a tender kiss on the top of his head. "No way was Mel ever going to believe this." She thought. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal December 23,2000 Justin is sleeping now, the trip and then the excellent sex when we returned tired him out. We stopped on the way to the loft to spend an hour with Gus, which turned into three because Lindsay went into 'mother' mode and insisted on feeding us. I think she was really trying to keep us there long enough for Mel to return. It didn't work and we managed to escape unscathed. I sat on the sofa in her living room and watched Gus and Justin interact on the floor. Gus positively adores Justin and you could see that the feeling was returned. I watched the two of them and felt all the tension of the past weeks drain out of me. Any doubts I had about Justin fitting into my Pittsburgh life have been quelled, because Gus is the focus of my life here in the Pitts. And Justin is obviously so much a part of what Gus wants that there can be no question of our continued relationship. Even Lindsay abandoned any ideas of talking to me while my boys played. I think she knew I wanted to sit and watch. Eventually I joined in and we all raced the cars and trucks over the carpet and the racetrack Justin built with the help of some well-placed books. It ended with a wrestling match, the two of the piling on me and trying their best to tickle me. I caught Linds snapping pictures; I hope there are some good ones. I'd like to keep a memento of this day. When we returned to the loft and Justin saw the decorations, I'd left the lights on for him to get the full effect; I knew I'd made the right decision to acknowledge Christmas this year. He moved on me and all thoughts of unpacking disappeared as he systematically removed all of our clothing and made agonizingly slow love to me. There were times when he was touching my body, kissing my lips; it felt surreal there was so much tenderness and love. I knew tonight that my countless tricks were in reality a search for what I now have. If they weren't meaningless before, they are now, now I have the real thing something I thought I'd never have. These life revelations take away any idea I might have of sleep. But now that I've written them down, I think I'll go back to bed and hold him in my arms. There is something about his body held close to mine that makes me feel complete. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin padded around the loft, looking at everything, smiling to himself with satisfaction when he'd find a reminder of their summer times together. He looked at the locked box curiously, Brian had told him what he kept in it but something about a lock always made him want to see what was inside. Brian had just gone into to shower after their morning wake up sex. He was tempted to join him, after all you couldn't have too many showers, it wasn't as if he'd melt. The buzzer sounded. "Yes" he answered. "It's Mikey, Brian, let me in." Justin released the door latch. Brian's friend would be the first one to visit them as a couple. Michael pulled open the door to the loft and was immediately taken aback by all the unfamiliar Christmas decorations. He looked around and saw Justin standing in the center of the room, drinking a glass of milk. "Where's Brian?" he asked ungraciously. "He's in the shower, but he'll be out soon." Justin was puzzled by the attitude of this short badly dressed man. "I know how long it takes Brian to shower. What the fuck are you doing here? Don't you have a mommy to go home to?" "I live here." "You sure the fuck don't kid" "Yes, I do Michael. I may be away most of the year, but when I'm in Pittsburgh this is my home." "This is NOT your home, get that straight. Brian just wants a nice convenient fuck buddy and you're this week's pick." Justin fought back tears. He knew what Michael was saying was untrue, but it still hurt. "Look - he started to say. "Get the fuck out of here" Michael slid open the door. Justin looked helplessly back at the closed door to the bathroom. Maybe he should leave. He would go to the coffee shop on the corner and buy Brian his favorite latte and some fresh bagels for breakfast. He didn't want to stay in this room a minute longer. This guy was seriously deranged. He looked at Michael fearfully while he picked up his jacket, grabbed the keys Brian had given him last night, hoped he'd remember the code to get back in. He left the loft, taking the stairs two at a time to the bottom. Michael was sitting at the island satisfied with what he had accomplished. He discovered a covered tin and opened it, selecting and eating one of the decorated cookies inside. "Where is Justin?" Brian asked. He stood there, wet, a towel wrapped around his waist. Something had panicked him in the shower and he had needed to get out and find Justin. "I kicked his ass home," Michael said mumbling through a mouthful of cookie. "You did what?" Brian's voice was cold and hard. Michael looked up his hand hovering over the tin. Brian walked over and slammed the lid on Michael's fingers. "I told you before to stay away from these." He let Michael remove his fingers then once again put the tin out of Michael's reach. "They're only fucking cookies Brian." Michael whined. "You don't need that kid hanging around, he's too young, I got rid of him for you." "Get out of our loft" "What, you can't kick me out. I just got here. I wanted to get you so we could have breakfast at the diner." "Maybe you didn't hear me the first time Michael. Get the fuck out of our home." Brian enunciated clearly. "Our, Brian? What do you mean?" Michael asked his eyes bugging out at the implication. "This is my home and Justin's; I think that means the plural 'our', when I refer to it." Brian advanced on Michael, "Now leave." "But Brian" the whine was stronger in Michael's voice. The door to the loft slid open. Justin, his face red from the cold and balancing a bag of bagels and an extra large latte, slid through. He shut the door. He looked around at the two men. Brian his faced flushed in anger and Michael looking just plain dumbfounded. "Hey Brian, got you a latte" he went over and kissed the stiff lips. Brian visibly softened. "Thanks baby" he said, his voice a caress. His hand went up the back of it stroking Justin's red cheek. "It's cold out there" "Yeah, you'd think seeing as we are south of Montreal it would be warmer, but it sure isn't." Justin put the bag on the counter, handed Brian his latte and took off his jacket. He turned at looked at Michael. "Sorry, I didn't bring you one. I thought you'd be gone." "Michael is leaving now, he'll be back when he gets an attitude adjustment." "Briiaan" Michael again tried to say something. Brian stalked to the door of the loft and pulled it open. He then grabbed Michael by the elbow and firmly placed him on the other side of the door, closing it firmly in front of the shocked face. He deliberately shot the lock home, knowing it would sound outside the door. He stood for a moment his forehead pressed against the cold metal door. He had expected his best friend to be happy for him. Not act like some schoolyard asshole. Justin walked up behind him and folded Brian into his arms; Brian turned and rested his head on Justin's shoulder. He took comfort from the embrace of the man he loved. "I'm sorry, Brian to cause problems with your best friend." Justin said, his hand rubbed the strong back, and then cupped the back of Brian's head, his fingers combing through the auburn silk. “I didn’t want this to happen Justin, this animosity toward the man I love. I was hoping Mikey would get over his jealousy.” Justin tilted Brian’s head up, his hand on the strong chin. “Hey, doesn’t matter, we’ll deal with it. Now drink your latte and take me to the diner. I want a nice greasy breakfast.” Brian moved away after kissing Justin’s nose. “Shit Justin, they’ll all be there.” He walked to the window and looked out, trying to figure out how to say he didn’t want Justin subjected to the long looks and meaningful digs that his friends were apt to try. Justin walked up behind and once again wrapped him in his arms. “Brian, we can’t hide in Montreal, or on the island, or even in this wonderful sanctuary you’ve created. We have to deal with our families and our friends, and yes they’ll intrude in our lives, and yes they’ll make well meaning jibes at the two of us. But you know what Brian? Fuck em! It’s you and I that count. I love you and you love me and together we make a pretty awesome team.” Brian turned “How did you get so smart Sunshine?” he asked. “You’re right; you and I are the only ones who matter. We won’t let them get to us.” “So ready for a nice greasy breakfast?” “Never, but we’ll go to the diner. It’s time I showed off my boyfriend.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Sunshine!” Deb’s high pitched voiced sounded over the hum of conversation in the busy diner. She ran over and kissed his cheek. He was glad her hands were full of dishes or he’d have been hugged to death. “Hey, Deb, you’re looking good.” Justin said. He had Brian by the hand. “I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Brian Kinney.” He looked at Brian and smirked. “I think you knew him as the stud of Liberty Avenue. Well he’s still a stud, but only in my bed.” Brian leaned in a kissed him but whispered. “If I’d known you were going to be a brat, I’d have left you in Montreal.” “Brian Kinney” Debbie sighed ever the romantic at heart. “You two look so cute together.” Brian smirked. “Would you expect anything less of me?” He pulled Justin close. “He didn’t stand a chance.” “Who didn’t stand a chance?” Justin teased. Justin found himself being led to a booth at the back of the diner. Ted, Emmett and Michael were sitting in it, Michael looking daggers at Justin. “Hey boys” Brian said. He sat himself in the booth beside Michael and pulled Justin down close beside him. “It’s too crowded with three people on one side” Michael griped. “You’re pushing me into the wall.” Brian ignored him. “You guys remember Justin don’t you?” He asked. He was in here last summer with his little girlfriend. “Hi Justin” Emmett said “Is it really true have you captured the legend of Liberty Avenue?” “He isn’t the Loc Ness Monster Emmett” Ted said. “Hi Justin, I’m Ted, that’s Emmett and that’s Michael.” “Michael and I have met.” Justin said. “He dropped in at our place this morning.” Justin looked at Brian. “If you mean Emmett are Brian and I boyfriends, then yes I guess we are.” “I prefer partner, boyfriend seems so high school” Brian quipped. “Of course one of us is closer to high school than the other.” He kissed Justin’s hand that he’d been holding. “So Justin, what do you to for a living?” Michael asked. “Nothing, I mostly sponge off Brian, he pretty much sees that I have everything I need.” He grinned at Brian “Isn’t that right daddy?” “You are so going to get your ass spanked when we get home” Brian whispered. “Justin is studying at Concordia University in Montreal for the next two years.” “Sorry, Michael, what can I say, you don’t actually bring out the best in me.” Justin apologized. Brian kissed him, “Good boy, but you’re still going to be punished.” “Promise?” Justin murmered. “Can’t you two stop with the lovey dovey stuff for two minutes.” Ted complained. “Oh, I think it’s sweet. You must remember Teddy what it’s like to be in love, when it’s all new and fresh and exciting.” “Yeah, just how new is it guys?” Ted was as usual right to the point when it came to Brian’s business. Brian looked at Justin as if asking his permission to answer. Justin grinned back and nodded while he leaned into Brian. “Justin and I had our first anniversary last June thirtieth” “No fucking way, Brian. I would have known if you’d been with him for damn near eighteen months.” Michael spluttered. “What ever gets you through the day Mikey” Brian said. “Hey Deb, can I get a coffee and a bagel, Justin wants the works.” He called to the redheaded waitress. “Sure Brian” she smiled, she loved to see Brian so transparently happy. It was something she had been sure would never happen. She glanced over at her son who was glowering in the corner. Michael on the other hand was going to have to get over his jealousy and quick before he lost a good friend. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian and Justin had been back at the loft only a few minutes. They had eaten breakfast and then Brian had taken Justin to a mall for some last minute shopping for his mother and Molly. Brian was still smiling about their shopping expedition because he’d insisted on Justin trying on sweaters and pants even though he knew Justin hated trying on clothes. They’d had a few interesting interludes in various change rooms in the mall. It made mall shopping more fun than he thought it could be. “You can stop grinning anytime now Brian Kinney.” Justin said. “I’m probably going to be banned from shopping at that mall for ever. I saw the way the security guards were looking at us.” “They probably watched every delicious moment of me sucking your cock on their cameras and were sooooo turned on they wanted our phone number but were too shy to ask” “Brian!” Justin was scandalized. “They don’t have cameras in the change rooms.” “Sure they do Sunshine, how else to those guys get through the day.” “Brian don’t tease” Justin tugged on his belt pulling the grinning man closer. He slowly began to unbutton the red shirt, letting his fingers caress Brian’s chest as each button was released. “But you’re such fun to tease Sunshine.” Brian was returning the favor and undressing Justin when the phone rang. “Let the answering machine get it.” He said, his voice rough with passion as his lips trailed Justin’s neck, working their way down lower. He half heartedly listened to his answer message and then heard his mother’s voice. “Brian, I’m calling about tonight. You didn’t give me your answer about midnight mass. I would really like you and Justin to attend with me. Please call me and let me know.” “Brian” Justin said “Your mom wants us to go to Church with her?” Brian rolled his eyes and continued to kiss Justin’s neck. “Brian, are we going?” he giggled when Brian growled and took a playful bite. Brian mumbled something into Justin’s neck and immediately found his head being tilted up and two amused blue eyes staring into his. “I thought your mom wasn’t all that cool about you being gay. Now she wants us to go to midnight mass?” “She still sure I’m going to hell, but I think she hopes to convert me. Probably wants you along so she can get the two for one special.” “Mom and Molly always go to Church on Christmas Eve, why don’t we all go?” Justin’s innocent blue eyes looked into darkened hazel ones, dark with memories that were sometimes painful. “Justin,-- Brian began. He closed his eyes, trying to regain control over a situation that was rapidly becoming a nightmare. Justin was so out and full of life that he couldn’t imagine anything else. But to bring his mother together with Justin, shit, this Christmas shit was turning out harder to do than he ever expected. Justin led Brian to the sofa and sat him down, and then straddled his legs so that he would be face to face. Brian knew immediately he was in for mini life lesson from his conscience otherwise known as Justin. It was Justin’s favorite way of getting his attention and making sure Brian stuck around for him to get his point across. Brian sighed and resigned himself to what was about to follow. He’d tried before to head off these little ‘life lessons’ but Justin was impossible once he’d set his mind to something. He almost smiled when he let his mind wander to a vision of him at seventy two and Justin at sixty. Justin sitting like he was now to give him shit about something. Justin surprised him this time by snuggling his head onto Brian’s shoulder. “Brian, it’s Christmas, why don’t we just make your mother happy and go with her, but give her something else to focus on by taking Mom and Molly. That way you are the ‘good’ Brian. Think of it as kind of a Christmas present to your mother.” Justin stopped talking and kept his head snuggled close. He let one hand rub Brian’s arm. Gradually two strong arms moved until they were holding him tight. He heard Brian give a deep sigh of resignation. “Justin, only for you would I do this. It’s been a very few short months since I’ve even started to forgive my mother for what she let happen to me when I was growing and for what she said when she discovered I was gay.” Brian paused. “As long as you are at my side, I can do anything, even this. Call your mom and ask her if she wants to go.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian walked up the snowy path to his mother’s door. He thought of all the times in his past when he’d walked this path reluctantly, knowing that he would be chastised for one thing or another as soon as he got in the door. He only hoped that this time would be different for Justin’s sake. Justin was like some kind of guard dog when it came to protecting Brian. He wasn’t sure that his mother would come out on top if she tangled with the blonde. He was almost at the door when it opened and his mother came out. She’d been ready and waiting. “Brian, I wasn’t sure you were coming.” “I said I would come.” “Is Justin with you?” they were walking toward the dark jeep. “Justin's waited in the jeep.” Brian opened the passenger door and Justin jumped out. “Hi Mrs. Kinney, I’m Justin.” He held out his hand. Joan Kinney was startled by the exuberance of the young man in front of her but took his hand. “I’m going to get in back with Mom and Molly. You can sit up front with Brian. That’s my mom and my sister Molly in the back.” Now Joan didn’t know what to think. She mumbled a hello and watched as Justin squeezed himself in beside a well dressed woman and a little girl. She got into the jeep, did her seat belt up and then sat quietly her hands in her lap. “We aren’t Catholic Mrs. Kinney, but we always went to Christmas Eve service. It was nice of you to invite us to your Church this year.” Justin said. “Yes, Brian and Justin are certainly full of surprises. I couldn’t believe it when they called this afternoon and invited Molly and I along.” She turned and looked at Justin. “Though we have been here before, Justin was in the choir at St. James academy for many years and they performed a cantata at Easter in this Church each year. Perhaps you attended.” Soon the two mothers were chatting away as if they had known each other for years. Brian looked into the rear view mirror and caught his partner’s eye. Justin held up his hand and signed “Your – heart – in – my – pocket.” And Brian grinned; suddenly warm inside as he drove his family to Church. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss It was almost one thirty in the morning the two tired partners sat on the white sofa in the living room watching the large snowflakes drift down. Each one perfectly silhouetted in the moon light and the light from the street lights. The Christmas tree was lit, the hundreds of clear lights twinkling. Only a few candles scattered through the large room added there flickering illumination. All other lights were off with the exception of the blue glow from the bedroom. Brian moved until he was laying full length on the sofa, Justin on top of him. He held him there close in his arms letting the scent of Justin’s shampoo fill his senses. Soft sounds of a muted Christmas CD drifted over the two of them. They were alone in their home. The previous hours had gone well. They were full from an unexpected invitation to a late lunch at Joan Kinney’s. And they were in love. “Could anything be better?” Brian wondered. Hearts beating in rhythm, soft warm breaths inhaling and exhaling together, slow sensual finger tips moving soft and tender over their arms, together in every movement they made. Lips, sweet, meeting, tasting, savoring slowly enjoying the pleasure of each other as music played and the lights cast an aura of love over the two bodies melted against each other, parts twined with parts until an observer would be hard pressed to tell where one began and the other started. An insistent pressure building inside each body, straining for release yet they didn’t move other than let their hands smooth over skin hot with desire. Trading kisses some soft full of promise and others more unrelenting in their flaming heat. The throbbing pressure in their groins, a pleasure pain that brought moans from deep within their bodies as they whispered nonsense words of love as now involuntarily the two bodies, moved as one with the age old rocking that allowed the sensitive organs, the precum luminescent as it spread over taunt bellies and rock hard cocks. Fingers linked together now as arms are pulled high over the head of the one underneath allowing every musky sweat filled inch meet and seal with the skin of the one on top and still they kiss, drinking in the heady liquid of each other. Their breathing begins to have shorter and shorter time between each gasp for air, but the words don’t stop and the lips don’t stop and the tongues continue to seek the other until finally with a tightening of their balls they both cum, the cum shooting between the tightly sealed bodies in hot spurts of liquid heat mixing quickly with their salty sweat. Slowly arms move tighter around each other. Strong hands rub circles on pale skin, breathing returns to normal and contented, and happy and full of the love and wonder of each other they fall asleep under the Christmas Tree’s twinkling lights. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Christmas morning came far too soon with bright sunlight reaching through the tall loft windows, insisting that the two lovers wake up. Brian woke up first, warm from the body wrapped around his. Sometime during the night they had moved until they lay side by side on the sofa. He gently moved out of the tight embrace, replacing his body with a pillow he picked up off the floor. He went into his closet and pulled out a warm blanket to cover his sleeping beauty with and he marveled at Justin’s ability to sleep through almost anything. He walked into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee before heading to the bathroom. He was about to leave the kitchen when he had to go back and kiss the top of the blonde’s head. He looked so young and innocent sleeping on the white sofa. Brian looked at the tree and for the first time noticed that Justin had tucked a couple of presents in among the poinsettias. He was going to go and get the one he had for Justin but he was drawn to the box that sat wrapped in silver and tied with a white bow. Justin’s presentation was always perfect Brian thought, as he sat cross-legged in front of the tree. He picked up the box and shook it gently, it rattled, loud in the quiet sun drenched loft. So loud that Brian almost dropped it. He looked at it in horror; shit, what if he’d broken it. He put it back under the tree, careful not to jostle it and sat back looking at the parcel. He looked over at Justin who had been watching. Justin quickly shut his eyes, pretending to sleep. Brian picked it up again, curious. He carefully untied the large white bow, planning on retying it when he’d peeked. He looked over at Justin again, who managed just in time to shut his eyes. Trying to control his grin on the other hand was getting harder. He was definitely going to paint this picture and soon. Brian carefully peeled the tape away at the ends of the parcel and unfolded the paper. Inside was a white box carefully labeled by Justin. Build our dream house in Lego. Brian grinned and pulled off the top of the box. Inside were hundreds of pieces of Lego. He could tell it had been well used. It must have been Justin’s when he was younger. He dumped them out on the floor and before long was completely engrossed in building a house. He looked up only when giggles from the sofa finally got his attention. He looked at Justin and the two of them burst out laughing. Before long the two of them were on the floor, building and changing and discussing strongly the rooms for their house. Only the rumbling of Justin’s belly reminded them that they had to shower and get ready to go see Gus and then on to Debbie’s house. “Hey Brian,” Justin said while he was drying Brian off after their shower. “I have your real present in the closet. Do you want it now or later when we come home tonight?” “How can you top the one I opened?” Brian was still smiling about his Lego set. No one had ever given him anything like it and he loved it. He looked over at the house built under the tree and thought of a few changes he’d like to make. He kissed Justin on the nose and walked over to the tree, not stopping to put on clothes, sitting on the floor again to make some changes. Justin slipped on his trousers and stood at the bedroom door and laughed. “You are such a little kid at Christmas. I bet you used to open one thing and play with it forever.” Brian’s face got sad and he didn’t say anything, he looked down at his Lego and continued to build it. Justin knew right away he’d said the wrong thing and he went over to his lover, knelt down and wrapped him in his arms. “Christmas at your house sucked, didn’t it?” He asked quietly. Brian nodded into Justin’s neck and Justin kissed him on the top of his damp head. “Well, Brian, I promise you that this Christmas and every other one we share will be filled with love, laughter and mysterious gifts. I will always treasure the vision of the little boy I saw playing with his Lego. I want him back every year.” He got up and walked over to the closet and pulled out what was obviously a painting even though it was wrapped. “Time to open your other gift.” He bent down and kissed Brian again. “Justin, --- Brian began. He looked into Justin’s eyes and saw only love, not pity or sadness, but love and his heart felt lighter than it had for years. He sat back on the floor and carefully unwrapped his painting. Justin had painted Gus taking his first steps into his father’s arms. Brian was crouched down on the grass, his arms outstretched ready to catch his son should he fall. “Justin, it’s amazing.” Brian said. He could see the look of glee on Gus’s face as he moved toward Brian and he could see the look of love on his own. “How did you know about this?” he asked “I called Lindsay and asked her if she had any pictures of the two of you and she sent me a few. I thought this is the one. This is how I see you look every time we’re with your son.” “You see this?” Brian asked. “I do.” Brian got up off the floor and pulled out a gift that had been tucked behind a poinsettia. He handed it to Justin, his face solemn. I saw this and thought of you. It will probably seem kind of dumb after the wonderful Christmas presents you gave me.” He stumbled over the words. He went over to the sofa and sat down, waiting for Justin to open his gift. Justin came over and sat on the floor between Brian’s legs, his back to the sofa. “I hate to unwrap it. It looks so good.” The package was the size of a small shoe box. Brian winced as Justin ripped off the ribbon and paper exposing a leather box with brass hinges and a brass lock similar to the one Brian had on his coffee table. Justin looked up at him, his eyes puzzled and then he looked back at the box when he felt a winding mechanism on the bottom. He wound it up then carefully opened the box. Immediately a tune began to play the words so familiar that they weren’t needed. He sat there listening, his mind reciting each word, tears of happiness spilling onto the soft the leather. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Love me tender, Love me sweet, Never let me go, You have made my life complete, And I love you so. Love me tender Love me true. All my dream’s fulfilled. For my darlin’ I love you And I always will. Love me tender, Love me long, Take me to your heart. For it’s there that I belong, And we’ll never part. Love me tender, Love me dear, Tell me you are mine, I’ll be yours through all the years, ‘till the end of time.