Boys of Summer Part 4 Thanks to Bob and Lois sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal August 15, 2000 Justin finally fell asleep. I don’t think I could have managed to fuck him one more time without my dick falling off, not to mention my sore ass that I’ll be paying for on the trip home. It’s been a long month since the Pride blowup as I like to think about it. This summer was definitely not the idyllic one of last year that’s for sure. And to think I’ll have to spend one more summer here. Hopefully next year will be better. Justin wants to increase his course load in order finish up faster. I’m not sure that it’s a wise decision but it’s not mine to make. This of course means he’ll be completing the last course during the month of July. I’m hoping to get him to change his mind, but I have to be subtle about it because he’s very sensitive about the fact that he’s been cut off from his father’s support. He wants to cram as much as he can into this year. Meeting Rosaire has been a godsend. He took one look at Justin and I could see the wheels turning. Justin could have been his son they look so much alike. Within ten minutes he might as well have been. Justin had the man’s life story out of him and was all but calling him Dad before we got to the picnic. I ended up shepherding Maude around while the other two played all the games that the members had organized. Maude ended up having the two of us man the ‘kissing’ booth for an hour. Not sure who sold the most kisses, it was a close tie. I have to admit I’d never laughed so much as I did during that hour. Seems our Lady Maude is quite the celebrity, a charter PFLAG member. He’s trying to be brave but now that I’m leaving later today, and my bags are packed waiting at the door, reality has set in. I’m hoping that between Maude and Rosaire not to mention school, he’ll be too busy to be homesick. I bought him a cell phone and arranged for the bills to come to me so he can call me any time. This is going to be along lonely fall. I want him to come to the Pitts at Christmas, I’ll talk to his mother once I’m back and maybe she can intervene on his behalf with his father. Time to put this journal away, I can hear him stirring. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin walked down the staircase. Brian was sitting at the table and Justin could see him slip his journal into his carry on bag. He smiled to himself, he loved to see Brian write his thoughts and feelings down, and it was good for him. The tiny bit he’d read last summer still made him smile. He came up behind Brian and put his head on Brian’s shoulder, his arms around his body. “Hi, you didn’t wake me up.” He tried not to make it sound accusing. He didn’t want to waste a minute of the few he had left of Brian. “You needed your sleep Sunshine” “I can sleep when you leave. I don’t want to miss even one second of seeing you.” Brian pulled him around until he was sitting in his lap. “It’s going to be alright Justin. This time there’s no hiding around corners. You call me and I’ll call you. The first chance either of us gets with more than a couple of days off, then we’ll get together.” “You mean like boyfriends?” “You could call it that if you like.” “I can tell people I have a boyfriend, who’s the hottest guy in Pittsburgh.” Justin smiled content with the image. Brian laughed at him. “Now who is going to even care about you having a boyfriend?” “Brian, I am going to be going to a school that specializes in the arts. There will be lots of gay guys going there too. And they’ll all be horny, ‘cause I am, and who knows, they might hit on me.” He kissed Brian’s frown “It will be nice to say I have a boyfriend.” Brian hadn’t thought about that. “I want you to make friends and have fun. You only have this time of your life once. I want you to enjoy it. I want you to experience everything you can.” “I love you Brian, I won’t be taking anyone up on their offers” “No Justin, don’t promise me something like that. You’re queer and you’re young and horny. You’ll want to have sex before we meet again. Enjoy yourself, just be careful.” He hated the thought of Justin being with anyone else. In fact the thought alone caused his heart to ache. Brian checked the clock on the counter. “It’s time for me to go baby, Rosaire should be here soon to take me to the airport.” “He’s here now; I saw his car in front of the house fifteen minutes ago.” He put his head on Brian’s shoulder. “I want to come to the airport with you. I don’t want to miss even one second of your time here.” “Then move quickly Sunshine, put something sexy on. Give me something to fantasize about on the trip home.” “You’ve got it Brian.” Justin said as he jumped off. Brian watched him bounce up the stairway. This was harder than he thought it would be. He got up to take his suitcases downstairs. He looked around the bright and cheerful apartment, glad that Justin would have somewhere nice to stay and between Maude and Rosaire, he’d be looked after. He was surprised to find the two patiently waiting in the foyer. Rosaire took the two cases from Brian to put in the trunk of the car. “I’m ready” Justin called from the top of the stairs. Maude and Brian looked up to see Justin silhouetted at the top of the stairs, a halo of sunlight a brilliant aura around him. He walked down the stairs almost sashaying for Brian’s benefit, a grin on his face. He was wearing a pair of cream colored thin silk linen weaved trousers that showed everything and nothing. The drape of the material giving hints and promises of what lay under it; his shirt of cream cotton gauze was unbuttoned to the navel letting the sparkle of the white gold heart peek out when he walked. The combination of the cream and the white gold pendant against his sun kissed summer skin was sensational and he knew it. “Justin” Brian whispered his name like a prayer. Justin reached the bottom of the stairs and kissed Brian’s cheek the slipped his hand into the firm hand of the man he loved. Brian could smell a hint of the citrus after shave that Justin loved. He was using all of his willpower to control his urge to throw him over his shoulder and take him to bed. Fuck Pittsburgh. “You’re a bad boy Justin” Maude teased him, her eyes twinkled. She knew the effect he was having on Brian. He grinned at her. “Let’s go boys, Rosaire promised to take us to lunch Justin when Brian’s plane leaves.” “You’re coming to the airport Maude?” Justin asked. “You don’t think I’d let my favorite boy leave without me waving goodbye, now do you?” “Hey I thought I was your favorite” Justin protested. “You’re my favorite blonde boy, Sunshine. Brian’s my favorite bad boy. You just know he’s a bad one by that sparkle in those bedroom eyes.” She stood on her toes to kiss his cheek. “You are a bad one, now aren’t you?” “I might have been before I met Justin.” Brian said as he pulled Justin close. He leaned down and kissed her soft parchment skin. Maude flushed with the attention and she was grinning as she went out the door to meet Rosaire who was patiently waiting for them by the car. He held the passenger door open for Maude and helped her get settled while Brian and Justin climbed in the spacious back seat. Justin deliberately got in first, letting the material in his pants hug his ass, so that Brian could clearly see that he was wearing no underwear. He looked back and grinned. “Brat” Brian mouthed as he moved in beside Justin. Their hands reached for each other and fingers linked once again. Brian sat back in the plush car and watched the face of the man he loved as Justin and Maude and Rosaire kept up a running commentary of what they were seeing as the stately car moved through the traffic on its way to Dorval airport. Brian let his mind wander over the events of the last couple of weeks, really almost the last month since the confrontation with Justin’s father. Never before had he felt such animosity for a man. No matter what his own father had done to him as a child and a young adult, it was nothing to what Justin had experienced. Brian had never expected his father to show him any kind feelings, he expected nothing from him and that’s what he generally got. Justin on the other hand had been brought up in a loving family environment. His father’s action was the ultimate betrayal to Justin. The young man was devastated. It had taken more than a week before he could even deal with the thoughts of his father’s hatred of his life. Brian knew that the next year or maybe more, was going to be hard for Justin as each birthday and holiday passed. For Justin’s sake he was going to try and talk some sense into Craig Taylor once he was back in Pittsburgh, but he wasn’t expecting miracles. All too soon they reached the airport. Rosaire dropped the three of them off at the Departure level while he parked the car. Brian smiled as they walked through the automatic doors, quite the little family group. In all his years of traveling no one had ever taken the time to see him off at the airport. The day he left to attend The University, both his parents were out and Debbie Navotney had driven him to the bus stop, dropping him off on her way to work. Now here he was with his lover and Maude and Rosaire. By the time the four of them reached the boarding gates where Brian would disappear into the depths of the airport, Justin’s blue eyes were awash with unshed tears. Justin was doing his best not to cry, he didn’t want Brian’s last view of him to be one of red eyes and dripping nose. Rosaire said goodbye first enveloping Brian in a fatherly hug. The distinguished graying man murmured that he would look after Justin while Brian was gone and the words did make Brian feel a bit better about leaving Justin behind. Next came Maude, Brian bent down and she hugged him fiercely. She reached into her vast bag she had been carrying and pulled out an old fashioned biscuit tin. “I’m sending you with some cookies dear. I know you won’t eat the airplane food even if they do say it’s better in first class.” Brian laughed. “I don’t think I’ll ever get away from your cookies Maude, and now that Justin knows all your secrets I’m sure I’ll be eating them for the next fifty years.” He turned to Justin who had refused to let go of his hand. He saw the unshed tears and he could feel the emotion come to the surface in himself. He managed to get Justin to free his hand so he could wrap his arms around the teen. “I love you Justin, you remember that. You use your phone and call me when ever you need to. Don’t be shy. I’ll let Cynthia know that your calls are always to go through to me at work.” Justin couldn’t answer; he knew if he tried to talk he’d cry. Instead he raised his hand and placed it at the back of Brian’s soft auburn head and pulled him down for a kiss that was sweet and tender and full of promise. He didn’t have to say a word. Brian knew what he was saying. It was in his kiss. Brian walked through the gate and before he disappeared, he turned and signed to Justin. “My – heart – in – your – pocket.” Justin smiled a watery smile but he put his hand in his pocket to feel the pebbled surface of the ocean glass. The weight of the glass in his hand along with the memory of that summer day took some of the pain he was feeling away. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss The flight was uneventful and other than raised eyebrows at the tin of homemade cookies that the elegant executive was carrying, customs let him back into the country with no problems. Brian piled into the back of a cab and after giving his address he pulled out his cell phone a called Justin. “Hey” he said his voice low when Justin answered the phone. “Do you miss me yet?” “Not really, we had lunch at amazing restaurant, and then Rosaire took us to the zoo.” Justin replied. Unfortunately the tears in his voice contradicted his answer. “Don’t cry baby” Brian said. Hearing Justin’s distress in his voice brought tears to his own eyes. “I’m alright, don’t worry about me.” Justin sniffed “I think I’ll buy a nice skinny teddy bear and call him Brian” “You telling me I’m furry?” Justin gave a half giggle. “I love your fur, you know that.” “Brat” but Brian smiled. “Check your email, Rosaire and I made you a surprise. I sent it as an attachment.” “I will.” “I start the French immersion classes tomorrow and Rosaire has an idea for me to make some extra money. It won’t be a lot, but it should cover my expenses at least until it starts to snow.” “Justin, I told you not to worry about that. I make enough money to cover your expenses and anything else you might need.” “I can’t ask you to do that Brian.” Justin paused. “Look, if I really need something and I can’t do it myself, I’ll let you know. I promise.” “It’s a deal.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian had continued to talk to Justin for the entire drive into Pittsburgh from the airport. He only reluctantly hung up when he reached the loft. He had unpacked his suitcases and made a run to the market for some food. He didn’t keep much around but he did need a few things. He fired up his computer and while it was booting up, he poured himself a glass of milk and took two of Maude’s cookies from the tin. His fingers tingled with anticipation as he hit his email and saw Justin’s. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss To: bakinney@ryder.com From: jtaylor@hotmail.com Subject: memories When we got back, Rosaire insisted that he take a picture of me with his digital camera so I could send it to you. I know you have a zillion ones from the summer but I saw your reaction to my ‘farewell to Brian’ outfit. Loving you bunches J sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian opened the attachment and there Justin stood in his cream colored outfit in the garden behind the Montreal townhouse. He was standing in front of the poppy display and the bright red and pinks of the tall flower surrounding the vision of blonde and cream made a beautiful picture. Brian printed out an eight by ten size print. He watched the printer as slowly his lover appeared. He was about to lift it out when the door buzzer rang. Walking to the intercom, his eyes never left the picture sitting in his printer. He almost walked into the door. “Go away” he said into the intercom. “Brian, its Michael, open the door.” Brian sighed but released the door lock. “Shit” he thought “I wanted some time with Justin’s picture.” While Michael was in the elevator, Brian carefully lifted the drying print and carried it to his room. He’d get it framed later. He put it on the table beside the bed moving the bowl of condoms away from the bed. “Hey, Mikey, what’s new?” Brian said to Michael when he finally slid the door back to come in. “Not much how was your vacation?” “My vacation was good.” Brian said. He didn’t elaborate and he knew it would drive Michael crazy not knowing. “Where did you go?” Michael asked. “I mean you never tell us where you’re going.” “I didn’t think it was any of your business. But I’ll tell you, I was in Montreal.” “Where’s that?” “In Canada Mikey, you did attend the same school I did and it’s not as if it’s a village. It’s a major city. I went to a jazz festival there.” “Why go to Canada, isn’t it cold and snowy there, I mean this is your summer vacation Brian.” “Geeze Mikey, get a clue, it was July and August, it was ninety degrees most of the time. It snows there in the winter just like the Pitts.” “Oh, how was I to know Brian?” he whined. Brian shook his head. He reached for a cookie and ate it absently, then drank some of the milk. “Hey, you’re eating cookies and drinking milk” Michael’s voice was accusing. “Yep” Brian said and he ate the other cookie then finished the milk. He walked over to the sink and rinsed his glass and plate off then put them in the dishwasher. “Can I have a cookie?” Michael discovered the tin. “Hands off Mikey, if you want a cookie I’ll buy you one, but these are mine.” “You’re hoarding cookies now?” Michael was incredulous. “These ones are hard to come by. I’m not sharing” Brian took the tin out of Michael’s hand and placed it on a shelf in the cupboard too high for Michael to reach. Michael looked up at the tin and then back at Brian and shook his head. Wait until the gang hears this one. They wouldn’t believe it, at least the part about Brian eating cookies and drinking milk. “I wanted to know if you want to come to Woody’s with me for some pool. Ted and Emmett are going to meet me there in half an hour.” “Sure, I’ll grab a jacket.” Brian moved swiftly picked up his jacket and ushered Michael out the door before he could see that the picture of Justin was still up on his computer screen. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Monday morning saw Brian striding into Ryder Agency with a smile on his face. He handed Cynthia a box of Laura Secord chocolates from a gift shop in Montreal. He continued on into his office. Brian had opened his briefcase and was putting out the silver framed picture of Justin on his credenza behind his desk when Cynthia walked in. “Was it as good as last year’s vacation Boss?” Cynthia asked. She watched him place the picture just so, moving it four times before he was satisfied. “Pretty good, listened to a lot of great music, visited more museums and art galleries than I ever wanted to, went to the zoo six times, and shopped, the usual stuff for a city vacation.” “New picture boss?” she had to ask, he wasn’t volunteering anything. Brian hesitated then picked it up and handed it to Cynthia “Yes, a friend of mine.” He looked at the picture with Cynthia. “His names Justin, he’s an artist.” “He’s very good looking, almost shimmers in this photo.” Cynthia replied. Brian said nothing but took the picture back and placed it once again on the credenza. He looked at Cynthia, “add Justin to my contact list. I want to have his calls put through no matter what.” “Will do Brian.” He quickly wrote down a name and address. “Could you have some Star Gazer Lilies sent to this address? Have the card say – to a very special lady, from her ‘bad’ boy. Cynthia was mystified but agreed and went back to her desk. Brian sat in his desk chair, turned so he could look at Justin’s picture and let his mind wander to the last two summers and all the wonderful memories Justin had given him. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss To: bakinney@ryder.com From: jtaylor@hotmail.com Subject: life without you Hey, will it sound whiny if I say I miss you and wish you were here? Between Rosaire and Maude, my French immersion classes and my new ‘job’ I’ve been incredibly busy. I think Rosaire and Maude figure if I’m busy I won’t miss you as much. They’re wrong. I miss you just as much, only I’m busy while I’m missing you. This is going to be a long two years. I think I liked it better when we could run into each other every now and then. Rosaire said I have to tell you about my ‘job’. Now don’t freak, I’m perfectly safe and he has me set up in an alley entrance by a store owned by a friend of his so this guy checks on me all the time. It seems that lots of artists set up easels all around ‘old’ Montreal and do sketches of the old churches and buildings, sometimes water colors and sell them. So that’s what I’m doing. I didn’t have any trouble with the guys who are set up near me once Rosaire wandered by the first time. Seems he’s one of the big Profs at Concordia and most of these guys go there so they aren’t about to hassle the Profs pet. (grin) I kind of like being the Profs pet – after the kind of school year I had last year. I’m sure I must have run into every kind of homophobic red necked WASP in Pittsburgh. I sold three pictures the first day. I did the front of Notre-Dame Basilica and I put you in priest’s robes on the front step. I hope that wasn’t too sacrilegious. (You looked hot) I got fifty bucks each for them so that was pretty great. The other guys were jealous because I sold my first three in less than and hour and some of them didn’t sell anything. I’m going to put you in all my pictures, you bring me luck. I promise to keep your clothes on. Don’t want to shock the tourists. I pretend I don’t speak English, just French, and look like I’m starving. Works like a charm. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian had to laugh when he read that, he could just picture his little blonde starving artist. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss I miss you. Later – Justin (looking sad)(vbg) sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin’s chatty email put Brian into a good mood. He was happy that Justin was earning some money and it seemed like a harmless way to do it. He’d have to talk to Rosaire about just exactly what Justin was up to. He knew he’d never get the straight story from Justin. For some reason Justin continued to think Brian was not able to handle any kind of stress and constantly tried to keep him from worrying, which in turn only made Brian worry more. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss It was now almost September and Brian was relaxing in the loft. He laid full length on the sofa and he was looking through the large box of pictures that he and Justin had taken over the past two summers. It was one of his favorite pastimes and he savored the moments when he could kick back and spend the time enjoying the memories of their happy times together. The picture of Justin standing in front of the Place Ville-Marie, the high towers hiding the fact that it stood over the original part of the Underground City reminded him of the many hours they had spent exploring this amazing spot. Hundreds of shops lay underground throughout downtown Montreal, safe from the elements you could explore there for days. Not to mention it was a great way to get from one downtown spot to another without venturing outside. Justin of course had the place mapped out in no time at all and used to enjoy getting Brian thoroughly confused and lost. He’d make bets as to where they would come out downtown and Brian almost always lost the bets. Of course paying off the bets usually resulted in some excellent sex, so it wasn’t all bad. He had just shut his eyes to better remember some of these shopping expeditions when the phone rang. “What” he answered not too pleased to be interrupted. “Brian, is that you?” Jennifer Taylor asked. “It’s Jennifer Taylor, is this a good time to talk? I would like to talk to you about Justin.” “Anytime is a good time to talk about Justin. How’s your homophobic prick of a husband doing? Not that I care.” “He still isn’t accepting Justin’s lifestyle. He feels I’m to blame. Is that true Brian? Did I do something wrong?” “Jennifer, no one can make any one else straight or gay. What you are is determined before birth.” “Will Justin ever forgive me?” Brian could hear the anguish in her voice. “I didn’t stand up to his father. I didn’t do what a mother should do and protect her child.” “No you didn’t, I’d say you have some work to do on that Jennifer. But as for Justin forgiving you, I can’t speak for him, but I do know him, he would always forgive you and for that matter the prick you’re married to. “Is he alright? He’s all alone there now. He’s only eighteen, too young to be so far away from his family.” “It’s important to Justin that he attend this school. He’s made some good friends there and they’ll look after him.” “But it should be me looking after him.” “He’s eighteen Jennifer; it’s time for him to grow up. But I will be in close touch with him that I can guarantee you.” “I’m going to send him some of his favorite things from home. I think he’ll like that.” She hesitated. “Brian, I know this is a personal question, but are you and Justin, I mean, are you and Justin…………. “I’m his boyfriend for lack of a better word Jennifer.” Brian paused. “We don’t know yet how things will turn out, but then does anyone?” “No I don’t suppose we ever know” Jennifer said thinking of herself and her husband. “I’m not sure if I can even stand to live with Craig, knowing he feels this way about his son” she hesitated “about you and about the two of you together. He just isn’t the man I thought I’d married.” “Maybe things will change. But whatever you do, don’t lay this shit on Justin. He has enough to worry and think about without you threatening to break up your marriage.” “Of course I won’t mention it to him now Brian.” She sighed “You really care for my son, don’t you?” “I have from the first time I saw him.” Brian answered honestly. “Thank you; he needs someone strong like you.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian was sitting in the diner with the gang when his cell phone began to vibrate. He reached into his suit jacket and pulled out the phone. Everyone stopped for a moment then resumed their breakfast. Each one was thinking it had to be business because the gang was all present and accounted for. Michael was sitting beside Brian in the booth and he was the first one to notice the change in Brian’s manner when he answered the phone. “Hey, are you excited?” Brian said. “A little” Justin replied. “It’ll help knowing Rosaire” “Professor’s Pet eh?” Brian laughed. “Nothing more” “Eeeuuughh Brian, he’s like a dad” “But a hot one” Brian laughed, “he reminds me of someone I know.” “Really?” “I’ll tell you all about it tonight.” Brian paused “Look I have a dinner meeting with some clients so it’ll be about ten before I call.” “Ok, I’d better go. I love you Brian” “I love you too baby” Brian closed the connection and sat back smiling to himself. It was then he realized that everyone in the diner was looking at him. There was complete silence. Only his portion of the conversation had been heard but he’d forgotten where he was when he automatically responded with ‘I love you’ to Justin. He looked around at all the staring faces, gave his tongue in cheek smirk, put his phone back in his pocket and began to eat the muffin that had been served to him. He was the only one in the place eating. He held up his cup to Debbie who was standing in the middle of the room open mouthed. “More coffee Deb” he asked before he once again had another bit of muffin. The room began to buzz as each table repeated and repeated what they had just heard, it was like the room suddenly came to life when some kind of cosmic button was hit. “You little asshole” Debbie began, “What do you mean I love you too baby?” her voice typically loud and especially screechy this morning. “I don’t believe my phone conversation is anyone’s business.” Brian said. “Where’s my coffee?” “Here’s your damn coffee” Debbie poured his coffee than slammed the pot down on the table. “You made it my business when you answered the damn phone in the middle of the diner. You don’t want me to hear your calls take it outside.” “Deb it was a private conversation” Brian tried again. But Ted, Emmett and Michael’s eyes, not to mention Deb’s were focused on him. He knew he wasn’t about to get out of giving some kind of an answer. “Ihaveaboyfriend” he mumbled and took a drink of coffee. “Pardon me you little shit” Deb began “You have a boyfriend?” “You don’t do boyfriends” Michael sputtered. “Well, honey he does now. I recognize that look. It says I’m in love and I don’t care who knows it.” Emmett chortled. “Brian Kinney, dick whipped, well I’ll be damned” Ted grinned. “Brian doesn’t have a boyfriend” whined Michael. “I’d know if Brian had a boyfriend, I’m his best friend for gawds sake.” “Get you head out of your ass Michael, Brian has a life that doesn’t include you. Grow up and get used to it.” Ted said his voice matter of fact. Deb hauled Michael out of the booth. “Maaaaaw” Michael began to complain. His mother sat down in his place. She handed Michael the coffee pot. “Go give those guys refills at that table over there. I want to talk to Brian.” Michael opened his mouth to say something but the look in his mother’s eye told him to start filling coffee cups. Deb put her arm around Brian, who was looking flushed from the revelation and the attention he was receiving. “So tell me Brian, how long have you known him. You know you really need to learn about a person before you actually fall in love.” “Deb, I’ve known him for a year and half” “That long and you never said anything.” Debbie shook her head marveling at this revelation. Ted and Emmett leaned forward interested. This was better than daytime television. “When do we get to meet him?” “He’s out of town for a few months.” “That’s too bad. You must miss him” Debbie patted Brian’s hand. “That’s for sure.” “Well don’t pay any attention to these guys. I’m glad you’ve found someone Brian. You’re a good man.” She kissed his cheek and got out of the booth. She took the coffee pot from Michael’s hand then swatted him upside the head. “Owwww, what was that for?” Michael asked. “For not letting Brian live his life without you whining about it.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal September 2000 Well, it’s been a couple of weeks since I was ‘outed’ about Justin. They still don’t have any idea who he is and that’s the way it’s going to stay. I don’t need the endless hassle about his age and he family. I thought it would get better as time went on. That missing him would be something that could be put into the background of my life as I went about dealing with work and the gang, but it hasn’t. If anything I miss him more each day. We talk nightly, I’m sure I’d never sleep if I didn’t hear his voice. He seems happy. His classes are going well, he’s meeting new friends. He actually made more than four thousand dollars in the four weeks he was set up in front of various old buildings in Montreal. He paid the tuition on an additional course to help speed up his degree and he paid the rent to Maude for the next ten months. He said that way he didn’t have to worry about it. His mother sent him five hundred the first of September and I gave her another five hundred to send to him this week. That should keep him in groceries and supplies at least until I get there in October. He is off school for the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend in October so I thought I’d surprise him with a visit. I managed to get a flight in so that I’ll arrive early on Friday and leave late Monday evening. I’ve bought him some art supplies and I’ll take him shopping for something warm to wear at his favorite Underground City, that is, if I can get us out of bed because I’m so horny that I can hardly walk. It’s been years since my balls have been so blue. I went to Babylon with the gang a couple of times since I’ve been back but somehow somebody’s strange mouth on my dick just isn’t important. I get more satisfaction using my hand and looking at his picture than I do with the hottest guy at Babylon. Not that I would admit any of this to Mikey or the gang. I’m running out of excuses with them about why I don’t trick anymore. The other day Mikey actually was pissed when I wouldn’t go to the back room with someone he’d dragged off the dance floor for me to meet. Like I need Mikey to pimp for me, what an asshole. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss “Hi Maude, is Justin home yet?” Brian bent and kissed the old lady who had opened the door to him. He handed her the empty cookie tin. “I need a refill”. “Brian, how lovely to see you, Justin didn’t tell me you were coming this weekend.” Maude opened the door wider and invited Brian in. “It’s a surprise. I know he has a three day weekend.” “He’s at Concordia with Rosaire getting his entry ready for the judging tomorrow. He entered a contest sponsored by the Canadian Arts Council for works depicting heroic moments in history.” She smiled fondly, “We will be attending the show tomorrow evening. The judging will be done and the prizes will be awarded during a small ceremony at eight o’clock.” She looked at Brian “Your partner is a determined and stubborn young man. When he heard that there were cash prizes for this contest, he had to enter even though no other student had the nerve. This contest has entries from all over Canada, from well established artists. It will be interesting to see the results of his hard work. He’s barely slept getting it ready and attending his classes. Of course the best of all the prizes is the fact that it would be hung in the National Gallery in Ottawa. That fact alone could make an artist’s career. “It will be good exposure for Sunshine entering this contest. I’m glad I came this weekend.” He smiled at Maude “I’m going up to the apartment to unpack. If you see Justin, don’t tell him I’m here, I want to surprise him.” “Just make sure he comes up for air in time to go to Concordia tomorrow evening. I believe Rosaire was picking us up about seven.” Maude smiled at Brian, her eyes twinkling. “Take some of these fresh scones I made today. You’ll both need your strength.” She bustled into the kitchen and soon returned with a covered plate piled with fresh baked blackberry scones. “Now I expect to see you both down here by six forty five tomorrow night.” Brian laughed but he took the plate of scones and shouldered his bag heading up the stairway. He knew it was going to spoil his surprise but when he saw the condition of Justin’s apartment he knew he’d have to straighten it up before he could relax. He spent the next hour picking and tidying the mess that was Justin. It wouldn’t have taken that long normally but he kept finding sketches that Justin had made littering the place. He had to pause at each new ‘find’ and study it carefully looking at the scene and remembering the moment. He saw headlights shine in the window and was surprised at how much time had passed. He checked and it was Justin being dropped off by Rosaire. “BRIAN!” came the excited shout from the bottom of the stairs. “How did that little brat know I was here?” Brian wondered. He opened the door to the apartment in time to be almost bowled over by Justin throwing himself into his arms. Justin’s lips found his and crushed Brian’s in a kiss filled with longing and passion, their tongues busily absorbed the long missed taste of each other. Justin’s hands were rapidly undoing the buttons on Brian’s shirt and the front of Brian’s pants. His lips were moving along the lean torso kissing and tasting, Brian was sure he was going to collapse from sensual overload. His hands combed through Justin’s hair as Justin sank lower, his mouth moving constantly. A constant whisper seeping through when he managed to breathe of words of endearment, of love, of missing Brian until they were surrounded by the sounds of his passion and Brian returned word the sounds word for word as they created a symphony of love there in the foyer of the apartment. Somehow Justin’s clothes were off and they were both down on the floor. Justin’s eager mouth found Brian’s hard dripping rod and he devoured it, taking it in until the head reached the back of his throat, his nose buried in the soft pubes that smelled of clean musky sweat from the day’s activities. When Brian felt the end hit Justin’s throat, and he felt the contraction of Justin swallowing, his back arched and his load was released from so deep within he thought it would never end. He tried not to scream Justin’s name, mindful of the open door but still he was louder than he wanted to be, but he couldn’t help it. He lay there panting as Justin sucked his cock dry then licked the end again for good measure. Smiling broadly, Justin moved up the long lean body, his own body sticky with his own cum from the orgasm he’d had when Brian had shot. “So you missed me” Brian stated as he kissed the sweet mouth tasting of cum and cinnamon gum. Justin snuggled his head into the crook of Brian’s arm and nodded, not daring to speak. Afraid that if he did he’d start to cry, because he’d missed Brian so much that it had been starting to hurt him inside. He hadn’t wanted to say anything to the man, but he’d been dreading this extra day to the already excruciatingly long weekends. “Thank you for coming” He was finally able to get out. “For a welcome like that, I would return to you every weekend Sunshine.” Brian tilted Justin’s head up and kissed him tenderly. “Now can we move upstairs to the bed? Hardwood is just that hard – wood, I think a mattress might be better.” Justin hated to leave Brian’s arms, but he knew they couldn’t stay on the foyer floor all night. Reluctantly he pulled himself up, holding a hand out to Brian to help him up. They walked hand in hand to the door and closed it gently. Both of them picked up their clothes and together they walked up to the bedroom. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Except for forays to the bathroom and the occasional trip to the kitchen, Brian and Justin had been in the large bed at the top of the stairs almost ten hours. Brian held Justin closely as the blonde slept. Soon he’d have to get him up and showered and out the door for the Concordia show. They had spent the night and day making love in everyway possible until he was sure they were both dry as a bone though the orgasms were just as intense. Between making love and talking, actually sharing their feelings about each other and their families, Brian felt pleasantly exhausted. He’d need the next few weeks just to recover from this weekend. He was definitely going to be here for the American Thanksgiving holiday in November. He would never last until Christmas without his Justin ‘fix’. Justin began to stir in his arms. He moved until he was covering Brian like a live blanket. “Hmmmm” he murmured. “I wish I could wake up like this every day.” “I wish you could too Baby.” Brian said “maybe you should consider a transfer to PIFA for next year.” “Can’t, have to finish this Brian. I made a commitment and I’m going to finish it.” “I’m proud of you Justin.” Brian kissed the top of the blonde head. “Together we’ll make it through this.” “If we can walk, I think we need a shower before we get ready” Justin moved away and climbed out of the bed. “And I’m starving” Brian laughed as he got out of the warm bed. “I’ll call for some take out while you get the shower started. I’ll join you as soon as I order.” sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Brian was glad he’d left one of his suits at Justin’s because the proceedings were almost formal. He’d led his lover downstairs in time to join Rosaire and Maude at the bottom of the stairs. Rosaire looked dignified in a black Armani suit, deep charcoal silk shirt and deep charcoal tie. His full head of silver hair and nicely trimmed silver beard made the outfit all that much more striking. Maude looked wonderful in black velvet a diamond pin in her white hair that she’d piled up high on her head. Once again Brian marveled at how good she looked. No one would ever guess she was ninety one years old. “Don’t you boys look radiant” Maude smiled. She looked at Rosaire “This is the first I’ve seen either of them since last night. I’m surprised they can walk down the stairs.” Justin blushed. “Maude, be a good little woman.” He leaned over and kissed her soft cheek. He looked at Rosaire. “I’m really nervous; I think I was crazy to compete with some of these guys.” “You can’t win if you don’t enter Justin.” Rosaire said. “Have you prepared your explanation of your painting?” Justin nodded and touched his pocket. “Well, lets go then, and Justin, I would never have allowed you to enter if I didn’t think you could win.” Once again Brian found himself in the spacious and comfortable rear seat of Rosaire’s car. He let his fingers lock with Justin’s and he realized that this night was stressing Justin by the coldness of his hands. “Hey, baby, this is a good opportunity for you to get some exposure for your work. Never miss a chance like this. It doesn’t matter about who wins.” He said softly. Justin moved closer and let himself mold to Brian’s body in the dark car as it drove carefully to Concordia. Soon they were all walking through the large doors of one of Montreal’s old buildings. More than two hundred elegantly dressed people wandered the large gallery where the works of art were displayed. “Take me to yours Sunshine” Brian asked “I can’t I’m too nervous.” “Of course you can. Now march.” Brian put his hand on the centre of Justin’s back adding a measure of security to the nervous artist. Together they walked to a display that had dozens of people standing in front of it. Slowly they made their way to the front of the crowd. Brian could hear whispers of awed comments being made. He could feel Justin tremble under his hand. Brian looked at the large work of art in front of him and he was awed by the talent of the man he was holding steady. Justin had used the deepest of rainbow colors on the large piece of handmade paper. Brian wasn’t sure, but the paper had to be at least three feet square. Depicted in the swirl of color was clearly the battle that Ira Brown had been in the word Woensdrecht in script haloed over the top of the painting. Brian could see Ira standing alone among his fallen friends. Through the swirling rainbow, he could see hundreds of men some walking and holding hands, some standing at a bar sharing a drink, some just standing alone. He could see the Fusiliers Mont-Royal coat of arms with the words Nunquam Retrorsum (Never Retreat), the Victoria Cross; he could see Maude standing at a Cenotaph, her arm through that of Rosaire. The longer you stood and looked at the painting the more detail could be seen, more faces appeared. He wondered at the number twenty nine that showed in one corner. Some of the older viewers were wiping tears as they looked closely at the painting and it was then that Brian realized Justin had actually done small sketches of actual participants in this bloody battle. He looked at Justin again proud of the effect Justin’s painting was having on the audience. And then he noticed the small gold dot placed on the glass covering the painting. “What’s the dot mean?” he asked Justin. “What dot?” “The one in the corner” Brian tried to unobtrusively point it out. “Don’t know” They heard a bell ring and the great hall slowly became silent. A voice came over the loudspeaker announcing that they were to take their seats in the auditorium. Of course it was announced in French and Justin rapidly translated for Brian. They found Rosaire and Maude as they made their way into the large room. A young man dressed in formal livery approached Justin and whispered something in his ear. Justin first flushed red then Brian could see the color drain from his face. He held him steady. “What’s up?” “I won something. The winners have to sit on the stage.” Justin said his voice cracked. He looked at Maude and Rosaire completely panicked. “What do I do?” “I would suggest young man that you get up on the stage with the rest of the artists.” Maude said. She reached up and kissed him on both cheeks. “Good luck my dear.” Rosaire grinning proudly wrapped Justin in a hug. “I knew you would win something when I first saw your painting. You have tremendous depth and feeling for your subjects even when they aren’t the amazing Brian.” He looked at Brian and smiled. Brian kissed him gently. “I’ll be waiting down here with my fingers crossed Sunshine.” He looked at Rosaire “Too bad we didn’t think to bring a camera.” “The CBC is here recording the whole thing Brian. I’m sure we’ll be able to get copies of the tape.” He pointed out two camera men busy with their equipment. One by one the winners were announced beginning with the runners up. Brian thought it was just like a beauty pageant. As each winner was announced the painting was shown on a giant screen at the back of the stage as well as on big screens on each side of the room. Each artist came up and explained his painting and accepted his prize. Finally only Justin was left on the stage. “The winner, judged by members of the Canadian Council for the Arts is Justin Taylor. Mr. Taylor’s painting titled: Woensdrecht the Battle Continues is an original water color on linen paper. As you can see it is complex in it’s depiction of a battle won by the Fusiliers Mont-Royal. Mr. Taylor’s painting will be hung in the National Gallery after it and the other’s tour Canada during two thousand and one. Mr. Taylor” He looked at Justin “I would like to present to you this check in the amount of five thousand dollars.” Justin walked over to him and accepted the check. He looked out in the audience and grinned at Brian, Rosaire and Maude, and then he stepped up to the podium and in flawless French then English told them about his painting. “The subject, Heroic Moments in History presented a lot of possibilities. But as soon as I heard it I could think of only one. My painting first of all, records the end of the battle in Woensdrecht, Belgium. It was, as a great many battles, won through the tenacity of infantry men. The infantryman is the pillar of any fighting force. The infantry’s role is to make contact with the enemy and destroy him. They are trained to fight in the combat arms team and perform their duties outdoors, by day or night, under all weather conditions. Their work requires physical and mental endurance. Even today this is expected of these brave men and women. In this particular battle Ira Brown held off the enemy for seventeen hours saving twenty one of his comrades. This in itself is pretty amazing but what makes it more amazing was that Ira was gay.” He heard a murmur go through the crowd. “He was a gay man doing a job that he had been trained to do and he did it bravely honoring his regiment’s motto of Never Retreat. Ira retreated from nothing in his life and for that his reward was a brass cross that his mother has, and his death by the hands of a fellow Canadian who despised him for living his life fully as who he was, a gay man. The rainbow colors of the painting represent Gay Pride. His mother is in the painting along with his partner as they honor his memory and that of his friends and comrades each year. I have recreated some of the men in Ira’s regiment from photos that his partner Rosaire had saved. The number twenty nine is the number of battle honors of the Fusiliers Mont-Royal.” He paused, “I guess I wanted to show that sexuality just doesn’t matter. Whether it’s everyday life or battles being fought in war, we are all the same.” He looked out at the audience. “The prize money goes to the Montreal Aids Hospice; heroic battles are being fought there every day. I think it’s appropriate that they get the results of another heroic battle.” Justin smiled then walked off the stage. The room was silent for a moment then Maude and Rosaire stood followed by Brian clapping. Soon they were joined by the rest of the audience. The television cameras recorded it all. Brian, his arm around Justin’s waist, together with Maude and Rosaire were walking out of the Concordia building when a CBC reporter and camera man approached them. “Mr. Taylor, congratulations, can you tell our viewers a little bit about yourself?” Justin looked embarrassed at being centered out. “I’m a student here at Concordia in the Fine Arts program. My favorite muse is my friend Brian,” he smiled at Brian “but in this case my good friend Maude and her son inspired me” he leaned over and kissed Maude’s cheek. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Monday morning, Michael, Ted and Emmett were sitting in the diner having breakfast. Michael and Emmett were talking and Ted was reading the morning paper when. “Well, well, Mr. Kinney has been busted.” Ted said a smile of satisfaction on his face. He folded the paper in half to expose a picture on the Arts page. Standing with his arm around a young blonde man, a look of love clearly on his face as he looked down at him, was Brian Kinney. Under the picture read, Justin Taylor, St.James grad, pictured on the steps of Concordia University, Montreal, Quebec. Mr. Taylor is this years winner of the Canadian Arts Council award for his painting ‘Woensdrecht the Battle Continues’. Ted asked “Michael, do you know where your ‘very best friend’ was this weekend?” “I don’t know, around, maybe working. I called a couple of times, but I only got his answering machine.” Michael grumbled. “Why?” “Yes Teddy, if you know something, dish.” Emmett piped up. “Mr. Brian Kinney was in Montreal with his boyfriend.” Ted slapped the paper down on the table. Michael grabbed it but before he could focus on the picture, Deb had it in her hand. She whipped out her reading glasses and perched them on her nose. “Fuck, it’s Sunshine and Brian.” She looked at the three of them sitting there. “Brian Kinney’s in love with a twink.” She shook her head marveling at the wonder of it. “Well, fuck me.” She threw the paper down and went to call Vic to tell him the news. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Monday morning in Montreal, Brian was sleeping soundly, wrapped in the strong arms of his lover. His nose was buried in Justin’s neck, where with each breath he took, the smell of his lover enveloped his senses. He was peacefully dreaming when the harsh ring of the telephone abruptly shook him awake. He pulled the thick duvet up over their heads trying to ignore the irritating sound. Justin never stirred; Brian finally opened one eye to look at Justin. Yep he was still breathing and the small smile on his lips said he was still happy. Finally he couldn’t stand the jangle so he reached over and picked up the receiver. “Who ever this is, it had better be good.” Brian’s voice was husky with sleep. “Brian, is that you?” Jennifer Taylor asked. “Can I speak with Justin?” “He’s sleeping or comatose, whatever, he doesn’t have his eyes open.” “He is hard to wake up after a late night dear.” She sighed. “Well I won’t keep you, there’s no use waking him, he’s useless to talk to for at least half an hour after he wakes up. I just wanted to say that I saw your picture with Justin in the paper this morning. Tell Justin congratulations on his winning. I’ll call him later to talk.” Brian was about to say goodbye when her words registered. “What picture, what paper?” “Why the morning paper Brian, here in Pittsburgh. There’s a picture of you and Justin on the steps of Concordia after his show on Saturday night.” “Fuck, busted” Brian thought. “I’ll tell him you called if he ever wakes up.” Brian hung up the phone and then laid back contemplating what was going to be said when he returned and how he was going to handle it. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Journal November 2000 Justin’s birthday is next week and then right after that I’ll be going to see him for Thanksgiving once again. I’ve managed to quell the voices of my ‘family’ about the picture that appeared in the paper by being my old sarcastic hard nosed self. But the publishing of the picture has brought some interesting and unexpected consequences the first being my mother who showed up on my doorstep waving the picture the day after I returned to the Pitts. She was spouting fire and brimstone as usual and had been listening to her so called friends in her Church group. Seems the ladies had seen fit to explain to her all about us homosexuals. When she finally climbed down off the ceiling, she actually wanted to know about Justin. Not that I was about to tell her but it was interesting that she asked. She even suggested that I invite him for Christmas dinner, like that was going to happen. I pointed out that even I wasn’t going to eat with her and Claire and her two monster children, so it didn’t seem too likely I’d send Justin over to join her. All that got me was another lecture on the ungratefulness of children. There is no point in even arguing with her, because like most widows, she has managed to canonize her dead spouse and turn the years of hell into sunshine and roses in her mind. If ever there was a reason to stop drinking, watching my family, and what alcohol has done to them, would be one of them. Winning the contest has helped him become noticed at school and he is busier than ever with one thing or another. He still refuses to go to any of the clubs and I suppose that’s a good thing. I want him to experience life, but part of me wants to keep that innocent young man I fell in love with. Maude has taken to sending me boxes of cookies on a regular basis, so unless I want to spend all my waking hours on the treadmill, I’ve begun to share them. Gus likes them and he looks for the flowered tin when ever he comes over. He looks for Justin too; somehow he’s connected the two of us. Probably heard his mommies talking after the picture in the paper, or maybe he’s noticed some of the pictures that we’ve had taken with the two of us, I’m not always careful about putting them in the locked box before Gus comes. Debbie keeps looking at me and smiling, like I’ve done some marvelous thing when all I’ve done is fall in love with Justin and really it’s Justin who should be given all the credit. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss It was Justin’s birthday and he didn’t want to get out of bed and go to class. It was the first time in his life when he was alone on his birthday. It was stupid, he thought, it’s just another day. The phone rang, it was probably Brian, “Hey,” he said. “Good morning birthday boy, still in bed I bet.” Brian smiled to himself he could just imagine Justin as he lay in the large bed. “I don’t want to even move.” Justin said feeling sulky. “I’m nineteen, and living in my own apartment and this morning I feel about five.” He was honest with Brian about how he felt. “Do you feel like that on your birthday?” “Sometimes, well, most of the time, I guess we’re all conditioned to think something special should happen on the day of our birth.” Brian said softly, “Last year was the best birthday I’d had for as long as I can remember.” “Really” Justin smiled as he remembered the night of the Prom and the dance that the two of the shared. “I know you sleep pretty soundly, but did you hear the birthday fairy come last night?” “Brian, are you nuts? The birthday fairy?” Justin giggled. “I can almost see what a birthday fairy would look like.” “Don’t laugh Sunshine; I have it on good authority that the Birthday Fairy comes to good little boys who are far away from their boyfriends.” Justin was up out of bed, he looked around the bedroom, and nothing looked any different. He continued to talk to Brian as he walked downstairs. There sitting at the granite counter in front of a small chocolate birthday cake was a six foot tall, thin brown teddy bear, dressed in black jeans and a black wife beater. Justin looked at the bear, and he started to cry. “Brian Kinney I love you.” He sobbed. “You must have found Bruno” Brian said. “You go and make his acquaintance while I go to work. It won’t be long now Baby and I’ll be there for Thanksgiving. I love you. Later.” And Brian hung up. Justin walked over to the long tall bear, and grinned through his tears. Taped to the bears paw was a folded piece of hand made paper. Justin carefully removed it and read. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Justin, like the song says When I need you Just close my eyes and I’m with you And all that I so want to give you Is just a heartbeat away When I need love I hold out my hands and I touch love I never knew there was too much love Keeping me warm night and day Miles and Miles of empty space in between us A telephone can’t take the place of your smile. But Justin, maybe Bruno Bear can keep my place beside you warm and safe until I return to your arms. I love you and miss you. Happy Birthday, Brian