Timeless Part 4 ------------------------------------------------------ Day five: "I really don't see why I have to do this." "It's time you took an interest in what helps run this family Julian. I've no time to keep track of you and what you are up to. You know the climate of unrest in the city, I'm only asking that you get yourself someone that you can get along with and who can do the job. The Gods know you're hard enough to deal with. You pay no attention to where you are or who is around you. Look at you, if I hadn't come home you might have died. Stay out of the damn taverns." Julian's father paced the room, completely exasperated with his son. "Your head is in the clouds all the time. It isn't acceptable now. I'm going back to the senate we have to review the losses from the last campaign. I expect to see my request carried out when I get back." "Father, it isn't necessary we have more than enough now. I'm sure I can find one of them that would suit you." "Julian, don't try my patience, everyone here has a job to do. I will not compromise on this. The sale begins after the mid day break, be there, buy one and have it made presentable for my viewing for when I return home." Julian's father left the room with a swirl of his white toga, his purple boots flashing down the hall with each stride. Julian looked again at his bruised arms, winced as his fingers brushed the bruise on his cheek, he had stopped in at a tavern near the city gates to rest before continuing his journey home when a few drunken louts had taken offense to his quiet manner. He didn't agree with having personal slaves, it was demeaning to both slave and master. His father owned more than one hundred slaves, which for a Roman senator wasn't that many, but still too many as far as Julian was concerned. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The alarm woke Justin from his dream, he lay on the sofa letting his eyes wander to the blue lights glowing from the bedroom. He couldn't sleep there without Brian, but he like to have the lights on, he had let himself fall asleep watching the lights, imagining Brian sleeping under the blue glow. His eyes closed, his long lashes resting on the soft baby skin. He let his imaginary fingers trace the length of his nose, caress his full red lips, trail down the strong chin to the fluttering pulse at the base of his neck. He could feel the strong and steady beat of Brian's pulse, he ached to kiss that favorite place of his just behind Brian's ear, if only to hear the gentle purr from the back of Brian's throat when ever he let his lips linger on that sweet spot. Justin sat up, wiping tears from his eyes. His dreams had been so strange lately, and the stress of each day wasn't helping. He felt drained both emotionally and physically. Justin let his eyes wander to the Ginger Jar that was now sitting prominently on the side shelves - he let his eyes trace the love story hidden in the painting. Sitting in a small box beside the jar was the ring he'd designed identical to the ring in his dream. Justin picked up his sketch book leafing through the sketches that he had made both consciously and unconsciously so life like yet reflecting things that he and Brian hadn't to his knowledge ever experienced. If he didn't know better he would think that some weird designer drug of Brian's had gotten into the water of the loft. It was time to get up and start his journey to Alaska. Something was pulling him there, he knew he needed to get closer to Brian in order to help him. He actually could feel his arms ache with the need to feel Brian in them. Justin got up and walked to the bathroom, the shower had so many memories he hated to use it, but in this case it was necessary. He smiled at the thought of what Brian would say if he was here and could read Justin's mind. Drama Princess that's what he was. The phone rang as he came out of the shower "Hey" "Justin that's no way to answer the phone." "Hi, Mom, good morning to you to." "I'll be there in an hour, are you all packed?" "Sure, but could you come in half an hour, we need to pick up Brian's mom, she's coming with me." "Brian's mother?" "Yes, he does have one. She feels useless, like I do sitting here waiting for news that never comes. We're going to go there together and track him down." "I'm glad you're taking her Justin, you have no idea how a mother can feel when her son is hurt. New born or thirty one it doesn't matter, he's still her baby." "I've had the lecture Mom. It's not the same with Brian and his mother as it is with you and I." "Then Justin, I guess you have to fix it. I love you honey and I know you'll do what's best for both of them." "Love you too Mom, see you in half an hour." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brian woke shivering, he ached every where. He'd been plagued by dreams all night so real that he'd felt he'd not slept at all. The air was damp, he could hear the steady swish of falling rain. He forced himself to sit up and looked around the cave, it was full of shadows, weaving and moving indistinct images superimposed on the rock. His eyes were hot, he started to shake with the cold, it was all he could do to stop his teeth from chattering. From the smell of him and the dampness of his clothes he must have a fever. Shit. He looked at the supply of food and drink in their optimistic piles and swallowed dryly. With a sigh he tried to choke down some water, it hit his stomach and came back up with a vengeance. Fuck. Kinney you are so fucked. He tried a small mouthful of water letting it trickle slowly down his throat, gagged but kept it down. Peachy. "Where the fuck are you Justin?" he tried to shout, but croaked instead. He managed to find the asprin and knew he'd have to eat something if he hoped to keep them in his stomach. Power bar or freeze dried crap, decisions, decisions. He heard a rustling from the cave entrance and looked over. "Holy big fat bear Batman" he whispered his eyes opened wider than he had ever thought possible as the large grizzly lumbered into the cave followed by her cub. She looked him up and down and walked over to the other side and shook herself like a dog raining water all over. She sat down, her cub leaning into her both of them watching Brian with interest. "Well, Momma Bear and Baby Bear, I sure hope you guys are a hallucination." He sniffed the air "I've never had a hallucination quite this ripe though, you guys could use a bath with some of Justin's bath crystals he lugs around on our hotel visits. I highly recommend it and soon." He sat back watching the bears watching him. More than an hour later Brian realized that until the rain stopped, he had company. The bears by now had curled up together and by the sound of the snoring were fast asleep. Brian wiggled until his back was against the wall, never taking his eyes of the two sleeping bears, he'd managed to choke down a power bar and finish the water and combined with the asprin his aches were diminishing slightly. He picked up the note book to continue his journal entry for the day. Day five, I think, woke up with a fever and some damn bear came visiting with her kid. They seem to be sleeping and as it's raining buckets, I'm not about to leave, besides I was here first, if anyone leaves it's Mrs. Stinky and her kid. Justin, did I ever tell you about the night we met? I saw you leaning against that lamp post and it was like dj vu. I knew you from somewhere, you looked so young and innocent. I acted all Brian Kinney like, to not let the boys know what was happening. If you hadn't come with me voluntarily I probably would have kidnapped you I needed you so badly. That night was all about beginnings and endings. The beginning of a new life, Gus, the beginning of you and I together, the beginning of you as a full fledged homosexual, the beginning of you tearing down my walls that I had constructed so carefully and starting the tedious and sometimes thankless job of gluing the pieces of my heart back together. The ending of twenty nine years of loneliness, twenty nine years of craving love and never finding it, twenty nine years of emptiness all these changes being made that night by a blonde haired blue eyed twink with the courage of a thousand lions and the largest most loving heart of anyone in the world. You scared me so bad I was shaking in my boots. My mind kept trying to rationalize all these feelings as I was dealing with life that night. All I could see was you, I looked at Gus and I could see you, I ran down the hospital corridor and you were in my eyes the whole time. Mikey couldn't have wrestled you away from me. You were mine and I was scared. You were naked in bed with me and it was all I could do not to cum like teenager, like you did. Big bad Kinney acting like it's his first time. I was so scared. You made me feel things I wasn't prepared for, do things I wasn't prepared to do, I did my best to drive you away, thinking he can't love me, no one can love me, I'm bad, look at the things I do, and I would look into your eyes filled with love and trust and another piece of my heart would heal. I was so scared. I could have killed your father; I actually saw a red haze in front of my eyes when he treated you so badly, the strength in your heart held me back from doing something stupid. I looked into your eyes and I was fucking terrified. You are so young and I love you with everything I am. Brian sighed, he'd let himself write down things he never would say. He meant every word. He looked over at the bears that had woken up and were once again staring at him, he thought both of them had tears in their eyes, but as he drifted into feverish unconsciousness he realized it must be a trick of the light in the cave. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He stood naked in the cool air. The rest of the captives kept themselves separate as much as possible from his arrogant body. The wooden platform had barely enough room for all of them. His chin stiffly defiant, his eyes cold with hate, his right arm swollen and purple from the break in the forearm. He closed his mind to the pain of his broken arm letting himself enjoy the cooling breeze that helped control the fire of the whip marks covering his back. He couldn't believe what had transpired in the past few weeks. The Roman army had invaded Gallia and before anyone was even partially aware had swept over their troops destroying as much of them as they could. Someone's broadsword had knocked him unconscious and he had wakened a prisoner of these animals. And now this, a slave, him, this was no kind of life for a warrior of his caliber. He moved as far back into the shadows as his chains would allow. Let these cretins work for their slave. Movement in the far corner of the square caught his eye. A beautiful young man dressed in a fine white tunic topped with another tunic of purple covered in gold embroidery strode into the square accompanied by two man servants none of them looking to happy about being there. He watched with little interest as one by one his fellow sufferers were sold. His regal bearing and aura of menace kept the slave traders away until the end. Rather than wait for the indignity of being pulled to the center of the platform, he walked with an air of nobility turned and faced the few buyers left in the square his eyes flashing with contempt at the proceedings. He quickly scanned his prospective owners finally resting on the young man who had caught his interest earlier. Their eyes met with recognition, yet they had never to his knowledge ever seen each other before. He watched the young man confer with his servants and the servants talk to the slave trader. An argument broke out, seems the slave trader wasn't happy with the offer. Then an unexpected turn, the young man removed his outer tunic climbed the stairs to the platform. "Please put this on." He held the richly embroidered tunic out. "You" he indicated the slave trader "Remove his chains, NOW." The young man was not pleased. "Marius, we are leaving, have a Physician meet us at the villa. Lucco, purchase sandals and clothing to fit this man. I'll expect you back within the hour." Julian turned to his new purchase. "I am Julian, come, it's a long walk back to the villa. Do you speak our language?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Justin settled himself in his seat on the plane. Because of the last minute booking he and Brian's mom had to sit in separate rows, Justin was glad of the opportunity to zone out of reality and relax. Brian's mom seemed nice enough, but he didn't want to talk right now. He watched through the window as the plane rose over Pittsburgh, the flight was going to be more than seven hours to Seattle before they had to change planes. He adjusted the headphones on his disk player and pulled down one of Brian's sleep masks over his eyes. He really didn't want to deal with anyone, not Brian's mom, not his seat mates and not the flight attendants. He had loaded a special mix disk into the player and planned to listen to all the music that he and Brian shared over the past couple of years hoping to recapture some of the magic and maybe feel better. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aphrodite sat back on her couch to rest, the past twenty four hours had been grueling. Convincing Aether, God of Light, and Hebe, Goddess of Youth, to disguise themselves as bears to watch over Brygos was bad enough, but Morpheus was being stubborn and didn't want to continue sending the past to Brygos in his dreams. Thank The Powers That Be, that Eros was able to bribe him. Isis was insisting that this be the last chance for Brygos to complete his Karmic path. She felt he needed to return to the Great Star Nation as soon as he could, they were badly in need of teachers and Brygos had proven ideal previously. She remembered the next time she'd had to lend a hand with Brygos. It was a long time ago in Rome, Aphrodite, who refused to be called Venus, just because Brygos was now Roman, and called Blaise, got back up and began pacing. That damn Eris, oh pardon me all to hades she thought, Discordia, why these humans had to change perfectly acceptable names she would never understand. Discordia, Goddess of Discord, had wanted to add her finger to the pie and had Blaise captured by the damn Roman army. Of course she had to admit it did get him within distance of his lover Julian, but she didn't have to have him broken. Now where is that Hygeia, he needs to get Blaise healthy, times a wasting between those two down there. Eros appeared beside her and looked down through the window clouds. "Did you like my touch of having Julian see him naked? Let's get these two together. You don't suppose we could wrap it up in this lifetime do you?" "You know very well it'll be eons before they learn enough to continue their journey in a more positive manner. If some of these other meddling fools would leave them alone to live their lives more naturally and less hazardously my nerves wouldn't so frayed." She looked over at Hercules, God of Strength who had appeared beside Eros, the two of them were smiling. She didn't like it when they came together, trouble always followed. She looked down almost afraid of what she'd see. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Julian led Blaise through the back streets; he didn't want his new charge to be embarrassed by his odd clothing. He glanced up at this proud man as they walked silently back to the villa. He hoped he hadn't made a mistake in buying him, but as soon as he'd entered the square he knew that this man was his. His father wouldn't be back until later, there would be time to prepare his new companion. Suddenly, three men stepped out of a doorway directly in their path. Julian knew there would be trouble coming just from looking at them. They were dressed in tunics that were almost rags and the stench from them would choke a horse. The larger one pulled a knife and they began to surround the two young men, when faster than anything Julian had ever seen, first the man with the knife flew into the gutter with his two companion's one at a time landing on top of him. Julian looked up at the handsome man he was with, he hadn't broken a sweat, though Julian could see the pain in his eyes from his injured arm. "That was unbelievable, how did you manage?" Julian asked "I'm a warrior, it's what I do." The man's knees started to buckle, and Julian realized what this effort to keep him safe had cost. "Here, lean on me, we aren't far from the gates of the villa. I may look slight of build, but I'm really quite strong." Julian put the man's good arm around his shoulder and they continued their journey. "Why did you save me? I know you're a warrior, but you didn't have to save me, I don't have you in chains, you could have left me and escaped?" "You talk too much." "I don't really; I've never had anyone who would listen. What's your name?" "Does it matter? I'm your slave, call me slave, I may answer or not." "That's stupid, you're not a slave, you're my" he hesitated "supposed to be my companion" "A beautiful young man, obviously intelligent, shouldn't need to purchase a companion." "My father was concerned" he raised the sleeve of his tunic exposing the bruised arms "He fears for me when I walk alone in the city or stop at a tavern to cool my throat." Julian shyly looked over at the taller man as he helped him down the ally "Thank you for saving me." He spoke softly. "They call me Blaise" his companion was touched by gentle ways of this young man. "Blaise, this is my home." Julian began to pull open the gate set in the garden wall. Blaise forced himself to stand upright, he didn't want to appear weak in front of the household servants. Julian held the gate for him. "Enter first young master, the servant follows." "I'm not your master, and you've been hurt, get in the damn gate now." He pulled Blaise by his good arm through the gate. "You, and you," he indicated two of the men standing in the courtyard gaping. "Prepare the bath and find something for this man to wear." The servants scurried to obey Julian's wishes, he had always been kind and they did their best to return the favor whenever possible. "Are you OK?" he asked Blaise who was turning an amazing shade of pale green. "Someone help" he shouted - for Blaise's eyes had rolled up into the back of his head as he fell in a heap at Julian's feet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Julian knelt by the pallet on the floor of his room. Blaise had been carried there after he'd been bathed and had his arm set. His father's physician had grumbled about healing a servant, but Julian could tell his heart hadn't been in his grumbles by the way the man had treated his unconscious companion with compassion. He bathed Blaise's brow with cool water, pleased that the fever had finally broken. "Stay, don't move, it's alright." He reassured Blaise when he woke and began to struggle. "I have some broth and wine, you need some nourishment. It's alright, don't talk just drink this." Julian supported his back and helped him sip some of the housekeeper's famous cure all from a goblet. They continued in silence until Blaise turned his head indicating he could drink no more. "Sleep, Cornelia put something in the broth so you will sleep, don't be afraid, I'll be right here, I won't leave you alone." Blaise, let himself drift back in welcome darkness, comforted by the words spoken by Julian. He had the feeling once again that he and Julian were somehow connected. He'd think on it later. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "I gave you a task to do today, that shouldn't have strained you in your otherwise busy day" Julian's father looked with distain at the scrolls spread on the desk before him. "You manage to buy the one slave that's not only broken, but has an attitude problem larger than your own." He paced the room, carefully avoiding Blaise on the pallet. "To top it off you manage to break him even more." He threw his hand out "Look at him, broken, how is that supposed to keep you safe? He can't even make it from the market to the villa without falling apart." He strode to the door - "I want him out of here immediately, take him back to the trader or by the Gods you'll be sorry." Before he could walk through the door Julian stood in front of him. "I don't tell you what to do with your servants, and you won't tell me what to do with mine Father. Blaise saved me today from certain harm at his own expense. He will stay in my room and heal and rest. I purchased his freedom with my own money earned by me. He will stay, heal, and then if he wants to, he will leave. He belongs to no one but himself. I will not own another human. You knew that when you sent me to the market. Did you think I would compromise myself because you told me too?" Julian looked directly at his father, openly defying him for the first time in his life. His father sighed heavily; he loved his only son more than life itself. He wanted no harm to befall him that's why he wanted him to have a personal companion. He sighed again and then swept him into his arms. "You are the worst son in Rome, you never do as I tell you." He kissed his cheek "Free this man if you must, but will you allow me to offer him a paid position when he's well?" He looked over at the man lying on the pallet, even unconscious his strength was apparent. "He won't be able to return to his homeland until his strength returns and until the wars settle down. He could have a good life here in our house and maybe keep you safe for a few months. Should we look for a wife for him?" "Father, he won't need a wife, he'll have me." Julian smiled. "Be discrete son, be discrete, I have enough problems in the senate now." He gave Julian another hug and walked out the door smiling to himself. He remembered his first love before life and responsibilities took over. Julian, smiling at his father's words settled down at the table across the room within sight of Blais. He took out his quill, added water to the ink in the small bottle on the desk and prepared to write. Julian was an accomplished poet and he'd been waiting for a quiet moment to write down his thoughts. Eyes hard like river stones Two hearts beating Pomegranate lips waiting to be sucked Two hearts beating My fingers caress the hardness of his chest Two hearts beating My eyes drink in the beauty of his manhood Two hearts beating I imagine his arms surrounding me keeping me safe Two hearts beating My lips crush his sucking deeply at the sweetness Two hearts beating My tongue tracing his throbbing member Two hearts beating My mouth drinking the salty sweetness that is his alone Two hearts beating Eyes softening now with love as I sink my hardness Into the center of him our eyes locked Two hearts beating - as one. Julian lay down his quill and glanced over at Blaise and was embarrassed to find him watching him. Julian tried to cover the tenting of his tunic that the thoughts of Blaise had built. "You're awake. Are you in pain, can I get you something?" "You talk too much young one." "I'm not all that young so stop referring to me like that, I just look young, it's a curse. You can call me Julian." He said shyly. "Yes, Master Julian." "I'm no ones master. I'm Julian. Here "he walked over and handed Blaise a parchment. "I purchased your freedom, not your body. I will not ever own a slave. My father told me tonight that he doesn't own slaves either. The people here are all free; they find it easier to deal with the outside world of this city as slaves of my Father. No one harms them that way. They know who and what they are and so does my Father, he pays a fair wage and provides housing and care. In return, we are looked after better in this city than most." He turned and sat back down at his table, carefully putting away his parchment and inks. "I'm sorry" "Sorry is bull crap, live your life with no regrets, that's the way to do it." Julian walked back over to Blaise. "Here let me help you up, careful of your arm. You can relieve yourself over there." He indicated a small door off the main room and sat back to watch the naked man walk arrogantly over to relieve himself, the stiffness of his legs betraying his weakness. Blaise returned standing in the room surveying everything in it. "Your rooms are pleasant." "I spend a lot of time here." He walked over and picked up some clothing handing it to Blaise. "Here, this should fit, I wasn't sure about the sandals but there are some over there to chose from." He indicated a small chest on one wall. "This is fine linen, not suitable for a servant." Blaise dressed quickly embarrassed to have to accept this kindness. "I need a friend more than a servant. You can see I am not a warrior, I use words to fight, and this doesn't always bring success as yesterday showed." He walked over to stand in front of Blaise. "I need a friend, a companion someone to share part of my life with. I want to walk the streets in Rome or the country side outside the city gates without fear. You and I" he paused. "I felt a connection between us, please stay, it doesn't have to be forever, though I'd like that, a few months, a year is all I ask." Blaise looked into the dark eyes of the smaller man, seeing the emotion swimming there. He thought of the past weeks and what he had lost both physically and emotionally. He thought of the kindness this man had shown him in rescuing him from the clutches of the Gladiator Trainers and the horrors of the Coliseum. "I can't promise you how long I'll stay. I can promise that as long as I stay you will not come to any harm." He recognized the spark of joy that had appeared in Julian's eyes and decided to take a chance. He leaned down and with his good arm, wrapped it around the smaller man's shoulders pulling him until their bodies met, his eyes asked permission and it was granted, he caressed the full lips of Julian tasting their sweetness with his. Blaise was pleasantly surprised when Julian's hands went up and pulled him in closer than he thought possible and began to devour his mouth with a passion he hadn't ever experienced before. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Justin woke with a start; Mrs. Kinney was sitting in the seat beside him shaking him awake. "Justin, wake up we're ready to land in Seattle." She indicated a man sitting in her seat across the aisle. "That nice Mr. Bennet let me trade seats. I thought we could talk, but you looked so peaceful sleeping there I couldn't disturb you." She patted his knee. "Brian needs you to be strong, sleep was the best thing for you dear." Justin began to shake with cold. He felt feverish and frozen all at the same time, he could feel sweat trickling down his back, his eyes were hot and burning and his head ached like it had after the bashing. He looked with panic at Brian's mother, she continued to talk not noticing the distress he was feeling. He looked out the window at his reflection in the dark glass the night sky making a mirror of his window. He looked perfectly normal, what was wrong?. He could hear Brian calling his name. Brian needed him, he felt so helpless, there was only a few minutes until the plane would begin its descent. He excused himself to Mrs. Kinney and moved to the toilet stall. He was desperate to help calm Brian and let him know he was on his way. He remembered something Ben had told him. About the connections some people had, he knew he and Brian were connected and now was the time to find out. He prayed it would work. Justin sat cross legged on the cramped floor and shut his eyes. He opened his water bottle and let some fall in his hand wetting it. He relaxed and emptied his mind of everything except his love for Brian. He let the feel of the cool water in his fingers flow up to his brain as he began to send his thoughts to Brian. "Brian, feel the cool water, feel it sooth, feel it heal, the water washes over you, it takes your pain and sends it on, I love you Brian, we will soon be together." Justin repeated this over and over sending these thoughts out into the night sky. His eyes were shut but he could see Brian, sitting in a damp dark cave, he could feel his pain, his loneliness, his fear. He used every bit of strength and will he had to draw the pain away, to lighten the fear, to make Brian aware that he wasn't alone. A large blonde man appeared in the small toilet area with him, Justin wasn't afraid, he knew he meant no harm. "Justin, I'm glad you're coming, Brian needs you, but he needs to learn as well. I'm watching over him. Find my son when you reach Nome, he'll find us. Go in peace." With that the man faded and Justin realized he'd met Sam and he was sad that this man was no longer alive. He knew though that Sam was Brian's Spirit Guide now, and it reassured him. He got up off the floor preparing him mentally for the next few hours as he made his way to Nome. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brian opened his eyes "Justin?" he croaked his throat was so dry. "Justin?" he was sure Justin had been there, he looked around him and other than the sleeping bears, no one was in the cave. But he knew he'd heard Justin. He knew Justin had bathed his head with cool water. Justin had held him, had taken away his fear and loneliness. Justin loved him. He had to survive this for his Baby. He had to be strong. Justin needed him alive. Brian sat up, determined to survive, his head hurt but not nearly as bad as it had. He walked around the cave, keeping as much as possible to his side and ignoring the two bears. He still wasn't sure that the bears were hallucinations but he wasn't about to test his theory by giving them a kick. The rain had finally stopped and the forest glistened with drops of water in the feeble sunshine that filtered down to his level. "Brian, glad you decided to deal with this little complication in life." "Back are you Sam?" "I never left you Brian. But I can't look after you completely, you need to do for yourself." "You're dead Sam, what do you know." "What's dead Brian? I'm here for you, for my son, I'm here to help you as much as I can without compromising your Karma. Think of me as your Spirit Guide." "Guide to what?" "A Guide or Teacher to help you and Justin return some day to the Great Star Nation. But for now, a friend with the knowledge and experience to help you survive until Justin and Stephen can find us." "And Yogi and BooBoo?" Brian indicated the cave with his head. "The bears are no longer required today, they'll have returned. I'm sure Aphrodite will send them back if its necessary." "Riiiigt, Aphrodite will do that. Peachy." Brian shook his head thinking he was glad no one was around to hear himself carrying on conversations, weird ones at that with the air. "Seeing as how you plan on hanging around until Justin and Stephen come, what's with the B movie plot dreams?" "Brian, are they dreams? Have you asked yourself that question? Do you see a general theme running here?" "Sam, I don't know what the fuck they are, and right now I don't want to even think about it. Why don't you just bug out to the netherworld and leave me alone. It's been five days and I haven't even seen a plane come close. There are zillions of miles of forest here. The chances that my little stalker twink and your son can find us here are pretty remote. If you really are my Spirit Guide whatever the fuck that is then get me out of here, help me find a path or a road or a river or some damn way of finding my way back to the Pitts." Brian headed back to the cave, glancing to the wall where the bears had been and sure enough they were gone. He ate a power bar and drank some water the sat back on his shelf and picked up his note book. This day continues, he wrote. I'm having hallucinations about Sam and two bears, I dreamt of you Justin and your love for me. Thank you for being there in my dreams, you make me want to survive this hell. I promise you this, If I survive this I'll tell you I love you every minute of every day. No more keeping things in. I've wasted our time together, I realize just how short this life is and I want you in my life and I want you there for as long as we breath. You once asked me why I didn't celebrate birthdays, or Christmas or anniversaries. I brushed you off as usual with some crap out celebrating achievements only. I'll let you in on a little secret of mine - if you ever read this - now don't go feeling sorry for me - or any other soft sentimental bull shit. I stopped caring about "special' occasions very early in my childhood. Each time something would come up it would only be an excuse for my old man to get pissed and throw me around. My rationalization as a child was if there was nothing to celebrate then he wouldn't get drunk and he wouldn't hit me. As an adult I now realize that it was unrealistic to think this way, because there was always something to set him off. I felt so helpless as a child, he was my father I loved him, I hated him, I didn't know what to feel so I stopped feeling. The same with my mother, how could she let this happen to me, I'd cry in bed at night silently - any noise and I'd get belted again. The night of my sixteen birthday my father started in on me only this time my hours in the school gym paid off and I decked him and laid him out cold on the kitchen floor. That was the start of me celebrating achievements. My achievement was taking back my life - I was sixteen, what did I know. So my beautiful Sunshine, that's a part of me that you never knew, and now you do. You were right, it does feel better to share sad things and bad things, it cuts the hurt in half. Thank you again for being you and loving me and teaching me to feel again. B Brian sat back, he was hungry but didn't dare eat any more today. His little piles of rations were shrinking. Maybe he could hallucinate the bears again and they'd show him where to find some berries. He smiled to himself thinking of the state he was in. He was hurt, tired, dirty and hungry and now he was thinking like Justin and making funny with his thoughts. Justin was probably in Pittsburgh worrying himself to death. He tried to calculate the time difference without a watch, maybe his baby was sleeping in their bed dreaming of him. It would be wonderful if he could arrive in the forest with the Jeep and save him like an old fashioned western, but Alaska was too far and Justin has school. Still it would be nice to think that maybe he really was looking for him. He looked over the cave. No bears, no dogs, just rocks. All the times in the past two years when he wanted to be alone, have some privacy he didn't realize just how nice it was to be able to look over and see Justin, headphones on bopping to some music while he studied. Or asking him five hundred questions while they watched a movie, or messing up the bathroom after he'd spent half an hour cleaning it up. Brian settled down on his sleeping bag, hoping that the morning would bring some hope of being rescued. His eyes shut and he cleared his mind of everything but his Sunshine's face. He loved that smile that lit up a room. Thinking of Justin, Brian fell asleep. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Justin Taylor checking in to Brian Kinney's room and I'll need a room for Mrs. Kinney as well." Justin stood in front of the hotel desk, exhausted from his trip. Joan Kinney stood behind him letting this young man look after everything. She had always thought of Brian as being the `man' in the couple but Justin was fast proving her wrong. Brian and Justin were more than equal partners. Justin carried Joan's bag to her room and let her in. "Get some sleep, I'm just down the hall. Let's meet in the dining room at seven thirty." He put her bag on the bed and handed her a key, then hesitantly reached over a kissed her on her cheek. "Good night Mrs. Kinney" "Justin," Joan smiled shyly, "You're Brian's partner, I'd like you to call me Mom." He had to smile at thought of what Brian would say to that but "Good night, Mom." He kissed her cheek again and shut the door behind him. He was almost afraid to unlock the door to Brian's room, seeing his bags packed ready to return to Pittsburgh would make the fact that he was missing seem so much more real. He opened the door and squared his shoulders and walked in. Brian's suitcase was sitting on the luggage rack, his suit bag hanging up in the open closet. There he thought to himself, that wasn't too bad. He put his small bag on top of Brian's on the luggage rack. But when he went to the closet to hang his coat beside Brian's suit bag, he caught a whiff of cologne lingering on the bag. His eyes filled, his throat closed and the enormity of the past 5 days came crashing down as sobs ripped up from the depths of his body and he sank to the floor his arms around Brian's suit bag. His mind was telling him how ridiculous it was, crushing Brian's suits, how pissed Brian would be if he knew but he couldn't stop crying until finally exhaustion took over and he fell asleep on the floor holding the suit bag like it was Brian the tears drying on his face and on the leather bag staining it forever with his grief. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Julian had spent the best five years of his life living in his Father's villa with Blaise as his constant companion and lover. It had taken long months for Blaise to return to his full strength. The political climate in Rome was as usual unsteady and the streets these days were full of soldiers. Blaise was restless and Julian was aware of it. He'd always known that no matter how much they loved each other it would never be enough for Blaise. Julian was wealthy, his family was wealthy and it was time he took a wife as custom dictated. He had managed to put it off for five years on one pretext or another but his father was becoming more and more insistent. Blaise had been training for battle for the past six months, oh he could tell Julian he was trying to stay in shape for an out of shape bodyguard was useless, but Julian knew that Blaise was going to leave. He planned on returning to his homeland thinking that Julian would be free to do as his father requested. Julian had tried tears and mild blackmail, but Blaise was determined to leave in the morning. "You will be my sunshine forever in my bleak world without you. I'll sit by my hearth and remember your smile that would light the room, your dancing eyes and your passionate kisses." Blaise held Julian on his lap offering some comfort to the young man. He didn't realize that Julian belonged to him in his heart and in his soul. Nothing he said would help heal the heart of his lover. "I can come with you. I can help fight our way back to your people. Your people will be mine. You can't leave. I'm not marrying anyone. I only want you." Julian sobbed, his heart breaking apart. "The best poetry is written with a quill dipped in the ink of a broken heart. You'll be famous and in time you'll forget me." "How can I forget someone who's been with me since time began. We can live and love and grow old together. The oracles predicted that I'll die in the arms of my beloved. How can they be wrong?" "Things change my sweet with time and age. You'll be an old man and die in the arms of your wife. This childish infatuation you have with me will be long forgotten." Blaise felt his own heart crack as this was being said. He didn't want Julian to have any idea how much he loved him. He was a warrior but his strength was physical he had no strength when it came to his beloved. "Come to bed my darling, we'll discuss this in the morning." Blaise picked up Julian and carried him to the bed. He lay him down on the pillows of shimmering blue silk and gently smoothed his hair from his forehead and kissed him gently. He kissed his tears away as best he could whispering love words with each kiss. Knowing that this would be the last time he made love to his wonderful young man and wanting him to remember it forever. They spent the night caressing and loving each other, both men wanting to memorize the body of the other, both of them making love while their hearts cracked a million times over. Julian finally fell asleep and Blaise held him feeling the occasional sob breaking through the sleep filled breathing of his lover. Nothing Blaise had faced in his life had prepared him for this kind of heartbreak. He gently removed his arms and left the bed, dressing quietly, his eyes never leaving Julian trying his best to brand the face of his beloved into his brain. Julian woke when the sound of the gate closing though quiet had sounded like a gong through his mind. He looked around the room in panic realizing immediately that Blaise had left but refusing to comprehend it. He leapt up dressing quickly calling to his servants that he was leaving. He rushed through the gates directly into the path of some drunken soldiers. "Let me go, I have to find him" he shouted and struggled in the arms of one of the men. "Look what we have here, a pretty boy, looking for his lover perhaps?" the soldier shoved Julian into the arms of the second man. "He smells of sex and perfume. What's the pretty boy been up to this fine night?" The soldier buried his face into Julian's neck inhaling noisily then planting a sloppy kiss on his mouth. "Hey we're comrades, you must share your bounty" another soldier pulled Julian into his own arms. Suddenly Blaise turned the corner of the street and saw the commotion; he had been almost to the city gates when he knew he couldn't leave without saying goodbuy. "Julian" he shouted and his shout startled the soldiers who sobering up instantly and realizing what they were doing threw Julian down on the ground roughly his head hitting the side of the water fountain. The ran down the ally disappearing quickly into the morning bustle of the waking city. Blaise reached Julian and lifted him into his arms, horrified at what had happened. Julian opened his eyes, and saw his lover, he smiled, then was puzzled as standing behind his lover were many men, all of whom he knew, all of whom were his love in times gone by, each one standing behind the first, each one looking broken hearted. "I love you Blaise, I always have and I always will." He shut his eyes his body began to relax in death when he opened them once more and smiled and said "Later" his body died but he felt the hands of his former lovers reach for him and help him climb up to the Great Star Nation another life over. He knew he'd see Blaise again, he hoped they would recognize each other. Blaise sat in dirt holding Julian's body sunshine streaming down on the ally. It took six men to take Julian back into the villa, Blaise didn't want to let go. His mind was full of the times the had spent together from the moment they had met in the square, Julian standing with the light hallowing him arrogant and young and he a slave. The pain in his heart would have broken a lesser man, but instead he vowed never to love another, to be true to his Julian. He knew he was at fault, if he hadn't left that morning his sunshine would still be alive. He knew he'd live the rest of his life in darkness, his sunshine had died. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------