And Anna Makes Three – 1 

The gentle splash of rain falling on the window was the only sound in the loft. Justin was sitting on the chaise, occasionally glancing out the window and quietly finishing a sketch that he would be sending Brian later that day. Justin couldn't help but smile as he worked -this sketch was titled # 7 - Why You Shouldn't Do Drugs.

While he sketched, Justin thought back to the beginning of this stage of his Soap Opera like relationship with Brian. Seven months ago, at the now famous, at least with the lesbians in Pittsburgh, party that Mel and Linds had staged to show Mr. And Mrs. Peterson how mature the two girls were, Brian had put E in the punch. The party had, without doubt, become livelier after this tampering. So much so, that Brian had passed out in the spare room and nothing could wake him up, so Justin had taken Brian's clothes off, tucked him in and continued to party 'til morning. The part that still made Justin giggle when he thought of it, was coming up the stairs towards the guest room, peeking in only to see Brian, eyes closed, a smile on his face, lying face up on the bed, with Leda riding his morning hardon, her neon blue strap on slapping Brian's belly - Brian groaning Justin's name as he came, opening his eyes and instead of seeing his hot blonde lover, he sees a rather wild eyed, very drunk Leda astride him - she has just enough time to say "Kinney, was it as good for you as it was for me?" before she fell face forward onto his chest. The look of incredulous horror on Brian's face, cracks Justin up whenever he thins of it.

This is the picture that Justin is sketching - the seventh in a series of "Why You Shouldn't Take Alphabet Drugs" that he was doing for Brian - the first in the series was of Brian in the backseat of the Jeep with Justin on the night they met. That one Justin titled "You Shouldn't Take Drugs, 'Cause the Boy You Pick Up Might Never Go Home". Justin was trying to keep Brian amused while he was in rehab in Seattle.

Justin is sure that waking up to see Leda fucking him, started Brian's whole thought process about where his life was and where it was going. The two of them had their ups and downs over the next few months. When the disaster of Justin's birthday gift had passed and with Ethan coming into the picture, Brian began to realize that even if he was able to break down and admit that he loved Justin and wanted a committed relationship, he was not much of a prize to his Boy Wonder. He tricked, had been doing drugs for years and quite frankly, mornings after were becoming harder to face. He wanted Justin for his husband, but he didn't want Justin to have to spend the rest of his life with a junior version of Jack Kinney.

So Brian did the hardest thing that he had ever done in his life. He sat Justin down two weeks ago and holding his hand for moral support told Justin that he loved him and wanted him in his life forever, but, that before they could run of to Vermont or whatever, he wanted to be clean and sober. He wanted to be the best he could be at the start of their lifelong commitment to each other. He asked Justin if would wait for him, while he checked into a rehab center. Justin, was completely speechless, but the smile on his face and the love in his tear filled eyes gave Brian the answer he wanted to hear. 

Brian had chosen a place in Seattle, too far away for anyone to know him and too far away for him to backslide. The two men had decided to tell friends and family that Brian was away on a work related project for the next 6 weeks. While Brian trusted Justin, and could show him the "real" Brian, he certainly didn't trust anyone else. Justin drove him to the airport. The site of his proud lover, getting on a plane to face unknown demons almost broke Justin's heart. It was quite awhile before Justin could see well enough drive back to the loft.

Brian called Justin every night at bedtime, they would discuss the day and Justin would whisper words of love and encouragement. Brian had been gone 2 weeks and was just now realizing how much he had used drugs and booze as a crutch to avoid the pain of his childhood. The more the toxins in his body disappeared, the harder it was to fight the demons in his mind. His talks each night with Justin, were becoming a lifeline that he couldn't do without. Every couple of days, one of Justin's drawings would arrive and the loving teasing that they depicted would make him smile and talking about what the drawings represented allowed Brian an easy way to open up to the group sessions that were a necessary part of his recovery.

Justin kept busy with school and watching Gus on the weekends and occasionally during the week. Mel and Linds had decided that they would take the opportunity of a Brian free Justin, to spend time on their own while Justin watched Gus. Justin and Gus loved each other and they could spend hours watching cartoons or playing Lego while Gus would discuss the ups and downs of a 2 year old's life. Gus had an amazing vocabulary for a child so young and his mind just never stopped. He talked all the time and he loved to be with Justin because Justin listened to what he had to say and actually talked back to him.

Lately, Mel had begun to ask rather odd questions of Justin when she dropped Gus off.

"Do you think that Brian will be able to sustain a relationship?"

"Do you want children of your own?"

"What would you do if something came up in your life and you had to drop out of school for a few semesters?"

Now, Mel was inserting these questions into the regular "Here's Gus's lunch" type conversations and Justin thought it was becoming rather bizarre. What was even weirder, is when he would hear Mel and Linds coming up the stairs to pick up Gus, they would often be in an intense and serious conversation and as soon as Justin would open the loft door - there would be silence. They'd look at each other and start the hello's as if nothing had happened.

Justin wasn't sure if he should ask what was up - maybe it was some lesbian thing.

While Justin was sitting, and sketching of this rainy day, missing Brian and wondering how he was going to be able to endure the next 4 weeks with only phone calls. The phone rang.

"Hello"

"Could I speak with Justin Taylor?" a male voice asked.

"This is Justin",

"Mr. Taylor, my name is Dr. Hunter, Brian's psychiatrist, here at the Novak Clinic. I am calling for two reasons. The first to let you know that Brian's treatment is progressing well. And the second reason is a bit complex. The next few weeks, we will be working together in rather intense therapy sessions. Brian has told me that you speak to each other daily. I would like to ask you to try to keep your conversations free from any controversy or anything that might upset Brian. He will need to remain grounded and focused on the work he'll be doing here, so that when he leaves, I will feel confident that he will be able to resume his life in Pittsburgh without returning to his old ways." 

Justin spent a few minutes assuring Dr. Hunter that he would stay positive when talking to Brian. They discussed a few more things and then ended the call.

Two Weeks Passed

Justin and Brian continued to have their bedtime talks, Justin hadn't said anything to Brian about Dr. Hunter's call. He wasn't sure if he should. Justin was starting to notice that Brian didn't do much of the talking, but seemed to rely on Justin carrying on the conversation, adding only the occasional comment. In fact lately, Brian seemed distant and Justin was starting to worry.

Tonight's call was even more odd. 

"Justin, how could you have gone with me that night we met?" Brian sounded sort of upset. "You didn't know me, I could have been dangerous."

Justin, realizing that Brian needed some kind of reassurance, began talking " Brian, I am an artist. A part of being an artist, is the ability to see - what I mean is really SEE things.
I stood under the lamp, kind of nervous, wondering if I had made the right decision in coming down to Liberty Ave. that night. I looked over at you coming towards me. I saw a tall, good looking man, with a panther walk and then I looked into your eyes. I saw into your very soul. I could see the gentleness and the kindness there that I really needed then. When you said that you could change things for me that night, I did not doubt that for a moment. Everytime, in that wonderful night that I would begin to be apprehensive, I would only have to look once again into your eyes to feel calm and safe. So, no Brian, you couldn't have been dangerous, your heart and soul wouldn't allow that to happen. No body with eyes that smile with love, while holding his child, with eyes that smolder with lust when holding his lover, with eyes that show tenderness when looking at Linds would be dangerous." And Justin, with love in his voice said "Brian, your eyes have spoken to me every day since that night. I knew that I meant something to you from that first moment. I knew when you realized that you loved me. I know when you are hurt or jealous or happy or sad, I just have to look at your eyes." Justin sighed, " It's time for sleep now Brian, I'm kissing you in my mind, I love you."

"I love you too Baby" Brian said quietly, and hung up.

A few minutes later the phone rang again. "Brian, go to sleep"

"Justin?" Linds said. 

"Heh Linds"

"Justin, can you come to the hospital right away?" Lindsey said with a catch in her voice. "I can't explain, now, just hurry."

Justin, in a panic, quickly grabbed his coat and keys and raced out of the loft. He was terrified that something had happened to Gus.

The 10 minute drive to the hospital seemed to take forever. Justin abandoned the Jeep in the first available spot and rushed in the emergency doors. Lindsey had been waiting for him and she grabbed his arm and pulled him along the corridor into a room. Mel was standing by a bed holding the hand of a women. Justin, puzzled walked into the room, looking at the woman in the hospital bed. He barely recognized Leda. She was obviously not in great shape. Justin was sure that she had to have been hooked up to damn near every kind of monitor there was. "Heh Leda" Justin said quietly, still not sure what this had to do with him. 

"Justin" Leda breathed, "I want you to tell Brian, when you can, that it wasn't supposed to be this way. He wasn't supposed to know - ever. But shit happens - I wanted it so badly - I was willing to do anything - I just didn't know that things would turn out the way they did" and with her final breath Leda said "Make sure she knows that I loved her"

Justin, looked at Leda and then at the two women standing by her bed, crying silently. "What in hell is this all about?"

And then he heard it, a soft mewling behind Mel and Linds, he looked over towards the wall and saw a bassinette, a squirmy pink bundle in it. He walked over and peeked in, and knew in an instant part of the story - Brian's eyes, in miniature looked up at him with trust - he picked up the bundle - and if he was in any doubt - the tongue in cheek smile appearing on those oh so familiar lips, ended those doubts. In an instant, Justin was in love. He looked towards Mel with questions in his eyes. "Mel?"
"Look, Justin, this wasn't my idea and I don't actually think it's right. But Leda insisted. I'm going to tell you just exactly what Leda told Linds and I. The night of our "party" Leda deliberately set out to fuck Brian. She had decided she wanted a baby and of course the famous Mr. Kinney as daddy came to mind. She knew Brian's answer before she even asked - so she figured she would do it the old fashioned way - sort of - and seeing Brian on the bed that morning with his dick in the air, kind of seemed like fate. So, Leda being Leda, took the bull by the horns so to speak and jumped on. You and most of the lesbian population of Pittsburgh remember the rest. It still makes some of them smile. I though Brian would never stop puking."

"Unfortunately Leda didn't take into consideration what being pregnant would do to her already bad heart. Leda has had heart problems since she was a child. She never let it slow her down and said she would live her life the way she wanted however long it was."

"Leda had no intention of ever letting Brian know about the baby. But life isn't always about what you want. She came to me last month and had me draw up her will and papers naming you her baby's guardian. Brian has been listed on the birth registration as the father. All her assets have been left to you for the baby's care. She trusted that you would do the best you could for her child. So, Justin, congratulations on the birth of your daughter, what's her name?" 

Justin looked at the baby and the baby looked at Justin. "Brianna Taylor Kinney, hello, we'll call you Anna for love" he leaned over and kissed her forehead, thinking "Cripes, now how in hell am I going to do this?"

Because Anna was born early, she was a bit underweight, the doctor decided that while she was healthy, 24 hours in the nursery before she went home, would be in her best interest.

The next day Justin was unbelievably busy - Mel and Linds gave Justin Gus's baby things and he set up a nursery of sorts at one end of the loft, screening the baby furniture with walls of misty curtains. The shopping at the Big Q had to be done for the hundred's of things that were needed for an infant. The Dean at PIFA had allowed him to finish his semester at home via the internet as long as his projects were handed in on time. If the phone rang once, it rang a hundred times - the gay community of Pittsburgh was being nosey, helpful and encouraging. Throughout the whole day, all Justin could think of was how he was going to tell Brian - or when should he tell Brian. He had been unable to reach Dr. Hunter, so for now Justin figured he had better keep quiet about the increase in Brian's family.

That night, when Brian called, Justin was glad that he hadn't said anything. The first thing that Brian said - in a rather hesitant way "Justin, why do you love me? I've been so mean to you."

"Brian, are you lying down?"

"Yes"

"Ok, shut your eyes and relax - I'm going to tell you all about love." Justin sat down on the chaise and started talking to Brian, in that quiet relaxing way that parents have when telling their children a story for bed. The night we met, there were two kinds of love that showed up that night. The love you had for your new son was one of them, and the love I felt for you - as my first lover was another kind of love. That was the kind of love that once begun, can either grow like it did in my case --- or not. Each time we were together from that night on, my love for you grew deeper. It wrapped itself around my heart and flowed through my very being until it became what it is today. Brian, I love you so much that I can always see into your heart and know that when you do or say some sarcastic or cutting remark, you are doing it as a protection devise - you certainly don't mean it."

"So, how can I love you?" "How can I breath, or see or feel?" "The love I have for you is as much a part of what is me as breathing, or seeing or feeling." "There is nothing you have done in the past, present of future, that will change that." "I love you more today than yesterday and less than tomorrow." 

"Time to go to sleep now, Bri" "I'm kissing you on your nose."

"'Nite, Baby" and Brian hung up, feeling loved.

The next day after Justin and his mother collected Anna from the hospital, was spent with Justin and Anna getting to know one another. Jennifer stayed at the loft teaching Justin how to look after the baby until the evening, when she reluctantly left.

Justin had just put Anna to bed when Brian called that night. Brian was still somewhat subdued and Justin still worried. He hadn't been able to talk to Dr. Hunter yet, so he was reluctant to mention Anna. Justin could sense that Brian needed some reassurance about how Justin felt about him. He knew Brian would never ask. Justin remembered back when he was younger, needing his mother to constantly let him know he was loved. Brian had never had that and he needed the words now more than he ever had.

"Brian" Justin said softly, "I'm sitting in the chaise looking out the window and daydreaming about the happiest moment in my life."

"Justin, no" Brian's voice was horse with anxiety, he knew Justin meant the Prom night. 

"Relax, sweetheart, lay back on your pillow, close your eyes and let me talk. You have never let me tell you how I felt about that time and the weeks that followed." "When you led me onto the dance floor, I was so pleased, with you, with myself, with life in general. The dance, the song, the moment was as you said "ridiculously romantic", "In the parking garage, I committed myself to you, for life - though I didn't say it - didn't want to scare you off. When Chris Hobbes attacked me - in the seconds before the bat hit, I knew that you would protect me and keep me safe as much as you could."

"I couldn't stop him" Brian moaned

"Brian, you did what you could - no one can protect the one they love 24/7 - it just isn't possible. You kept him from harming me further, in some mystical way, your love and your arms kept my soul grounded until medical help arrive. When I was in the coma, I could hear your voice, always gentle and full of love and I deep inside felt calm and safe and protected. The day I woke up, I knew you had been there. I could smell you, that wonderful Brian Kinney smell, of tobacco and Beam and cologne. Each night you came to the hospital during my recovery I knew the moment you walked in the door to the hospital that you were near. I could feel it in the way my whole body would suddenly relax. I used to drift off to sleep, watching your reflection in the TV monitor, watching me. Once again you made me feel loved and safe and protected."

"You know Bri, just talking to you each night, lets me fall to sleep, with the arms of your love wrapped around me, keeping all the bad things away. Keeping me safe."

"Nite, Brian, I am kissing you on your forehead"

"Nite, Baby, I'll always be there for you" and Brian hung up, feeling as if a weight he had been carrying for months had dropped off his shoulders.

2 more weeks passed

Justin and Anna were coming to terms with their new life. Justin was discovering having a baby around was more work than he ever imagined. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever again be able to sleep longer than 3 or 4 hours at a time. Every night that Brian called, Justin would tell him how he felt about him, easing his mind and calming him enough so that he could sleep. Justin was still worried, Brian seemed so tender when he called, so fragile emotionally, he didn't seem ready to come back to Pittsburgh yet.

Tonight Gus was staying for the weekend. Mel and Linds were having a mini vacation in New York.

When the phone rang, Gus ran over to answer it as Justin was changing Anna's diaper.

"Hello, this is my Daddy's house"

"Gus is that you?" Brian asked puzzled.

"Hi Daddy, I'm having a sleep over at your house. How come you're not home?"

"I'm out of town right now Gus. Where's Justin?"

"Poppa J's busy right now."

"Poppa J" Brian asked "Who's that"

"Daddy, that's Justin's love name" replied Gus with all the exasperation that a almost three year old can have with a not too bright adult.

"What's a love name Gus?"

"Daddy, everybody knows that." Gus quickly rattled off "Mommy is the love name of Lindsey, Moms is the love name of Melanie, Grandma Deb is the love name of Debbie, Auntie Em is the love name of Emmett, Grandma Jen is the love name of Poppa J's mom, Anna is the love name of Brianna, Daddy is the love name of you and Poppa J is the love name of Justin"

"What's your love name Sonny Boy?" Brian asked amused.

"Sonny Boy!!" Gus shouted

"Hi Brian, sorry for the confusion, but I couldn't grab the phone when it rang and Mr. "I can do it myself" got to it first." Justin was talking fast, hoping Brian didn't notice the reference to Brianna.

"I can tell you are going to have your hands full"

"Yes, Gus is my roomy for a couple of days, we're going to drink beer and eat pizza, isn't that right Gus?" and Brian could hear Gus giggling in the background.

"Yep, if I can't get the old Kinney man to spend the night, I have to settle for the short one." Justin joked.

Brian and Justin talked for a few minutes and even though it wasn't like their usual bedtime conversations, Brian felt pleased that the man he loved and his son were so comfortable together. He fell asleep, feeling that he was part of a loving family, separated for now but soon to be together. It was somehow comforting to have these feelings, though he did think he had missed something in the conversation, he just wasn't sure what.

The next night.

Once again Gus answered the phone "Hello, this is Gus"

"Heh Gus - you the telephone man now?' laughed Brian

"Hi Daddy you better come home soon, 'cause Poppa J has sad eyes and that makes me sad"

"What are you talking about Sonny Boy?"

"You know, when Poppa J smiles at you with his mouth, his eyes smile at you too." "You 'member that Daddy?" " Today when Poppa J smiled at me and Anna his eyes didn't smile too - they were sad" "Mommy says that's 'cause you took away his sunshine 'cause you needed it and when you come home you'll bring it back."

"Well, Daddy, I waited and waited and waited, I'm getting very angry with you. I want you back RIGHT NOW" Gus shouted.

Justin came over and took the phone away from Gus "Hi Brian, just a minute while I get Gus settled." "Gussy, boy, why don't you come over here and watch Anna, see, she's smiling at you" "Remember what I told you Gus, angry words can hurt people inside. When ever you feel angry with someone, remember if you say angry words, it'll hurt both you and the other person, but if you say love words, the angry part will go away and both of you will feel better. Love is much nicer that angry." Justin reached over and gave the boy a kiss.

Brian was listening to this, and thinking how wise beyond his years his partner was. Then he could here Gus "Poppa J? Did I hurt my Daddy? Is he mad at me? Is that why he won't come home?" 

"Of course not honey," The best part about Daddy's is that they love their little boys no matter what that little boy says or does. Your Daddy loves you very much and misses you more than you could know. He'll be back before long."

"Does Daddy know that I love him? Does he know that Anna loves him?"

"Certainly, baby, now you watch your movie with Anna, while I talk to your Daddy"

"Justin, I love you - you are a wonderful influence on Gus" "Justin, who is Anna?"

"Anna is my new love interest - she's about 24 inches tall, has dark curly hair, talks volumes with her eyes and has a smile to die for" Justin teased.

"Actually, I am caring for her while her father is away. It keeps me off the streets and out of Babylon" he said with a laugh.

"Now Baby, you said you'd wait for me" Brian laughed.

Justin, relaxed, Brian still didn't know just who Anna was. Soon he would be home and meet her.

"Justin, I was talking to Linds yesterday, and she said Leda had died and Mel is taking it hard" "How did she die?" "Was it an accident, Linds couldn't talk 'cause Mel might overhear?"

"Her heart gave out - she had some kind of congenital thing and had undergone some stressful months and it just gave out" "It was a shock to all of us (if you only knew)"

They talked for a few more minutes and Justin was able to whisper a few sexy suggestions to Brian without Gus overhearing - making Brian giggle like his son. Justin was pleased that Brian was getting better.

Brian had forgotten to tell Justin that he would be returning in two days. He was going to call back but thought he would surprise him instead.

The next day Brian called Lindsey to let her know that he would be arriving home that evening. He wanted to make sure that Gus would stay home because he had a surprise for Justin and part of that surprise would result in some heavy duty "I missed you sex"

When he called, Gus answered "Gus's house, hello"

"Heh Sonny Boy, how come you always answer all the phones?"

"Hi Daddy, I'm a big boy and that's my job when Mommy and Moms are busy. Moms is crying again and Mommy is patting her back so they are busy"

"How come Moms is crying?"

"'Cause her friend went to heaven, and can't come back"

"Daddy, you know what's weird?" 

"No what's weird Gus?"

"Anna has the same eyes as me and she has the same lips as you" "That's weird Daddy" "Mommy says that's 'cause she's my sister" Brian was startled "Mommy says that I have the same heart as Moms and Anna has the same heart as Poppa J" "She says that's cause Moms loves Mommy and me and Poppa J loves Anna and you." "Don't you think that's weird Daddy?"

"Yes Gus, that's defiantly weird. Tell your Mommy I have to talk to her and you'll take over the back patting."

When Lindsey came to the phone, she and Brian had a long and sometimes emotional conversation. Lindsey was finally able to convince Brian, that Justin hadn't told him about Anna out of love and concern for Brian while he was undergoing therapy. Brian, after having undergone extensive therapy, reluctantly agreed that Justin was doing what Brian himself would probably have done - protected his lover as best he could under the circumstances. The whole Leda story was told and retold until Brian finally got it - and Brian, who had spent the last few weeks growing up finally - reluctantly was able to deal with the thoughts of his ever expanding family.

That night, Brian quietly let himself into the loft. The only visible light was the blue neon in the bedroom. His flight had been uneventful and he'd spent the time thinking about his new family member and what she would mean for the future. 31 was an odd time to grow up finally. Would Justin still be willing to be his life partner now that Anna had arrived in his life? It was a lot to ask of someone so young, yet Brian couldn't imagine the with out his "Sunshine" "You were right Gus" he thought " I did need Justin's sunshine with me or I never would have survived these past weeks"

He didn't want to wake Justin, so he undressed in the living area and softly walked into the bedroom. What he saw, left no doubt as to what the future would hold for Brian, Justin and Anna. Justin, was asleep, in one hand he held the picture of Brian with his arms around Justin, the love they had for each other reflected in their eyes. Beside the bed, where Justin had dropped it was his sketch pad with the same picture drawn by Justin, with one addition. Justin had his arms around a little baby with dark curly hair, smiling eyes and a familiar tongue in cheek smirky smile. Beside the bed in a small bassinette lay Anna, her eyes looked into Brian's with recognition, he had to smile to himself as her little tongue moved over to her cheek and she smiled hello.

"Daddy's home" thought Brian as he kissed her cheek and crawled into bed with his partner.