First Step - Communication January 2007 From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk To: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: regrets Brian, hope your curiosity lets you read this and not delete it - I was checking the Pittsburgh papers on line as saw Vic's obit. I immediately regretted that I had never told him what he had meant to me. I realized that I had to tell you a few things - life is too short to have regrets - I just wanted you to know how prophetic your words were the night we met. You told me that you would always be with me. I know you meant every time I had sex. But I wanted you to know that even though 7 years have gone by, there isn't a day that I don't think of you, a night I don't dream of you. I fell in love with you that first night. That hasn't changed. I haven't seen you in person since that last night at Babylon - but I see you every time I shut my eyes. I hope life is treating you well. Love J ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ February 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: regrets Justin, why write this now? You left the Pitts and haven't been back - Deb tells me you and the banjo player travel all over the world - I wasn't going to reply but your email is haunting me. B +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ February 2007 Reply: bakinney@hotmail.com From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk Subject: banjo player Brian, I told you why I wrote - read it again. Yes I'm all over the world with Ethan's concert tours - No I'm not "with" Ethan - we're friends - platonic friends - it turned out I was fucking him to pay back you and he was fucking me to payback his ex - but we did manage to realize this in time to remain friends - his schedule doesn't allow him much time to make friends - practice practice practice - and I wanted to paint everywhere - So it works good for both of us. Hugs - J ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ March 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: art in strange places Justin, Deb tells us you had a successful show in London last year. Traveling so much and painting you can't possibly have time to think about us/or me. Have you been to any interesting clubs in your travels? B ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ March 2007 Reply: bakinney@hotmail.com From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk Subject: email is supposed to be faster than snail mail Brian, you do know that email can be replied to the same day it's received. LOL Yes I've been to some great clubs - I still relax by dancing - Ethan's music isn't something I can boogie too. Met some hot guys too - just tricks though - not interested in anything else at this time. There is a show of my work in New York next week - I won't be there but if you get the time drop by - you might find it interesting - I have a "signature" in each piece - something to amuse me - no one knows what it is - it's not obvious - think where's waldo - Hugs - J ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ March 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: fixations - they can be overcome Justin, just got back from New York - had to see a client so thought I'd stop in for your show. Took me awhile - but very funny --- though I have to admit finding myself in every damn one of the paintings kept me busy for a couple of hours. You should design camouflage for the army - I see by the dates on the paintings you've been having this little fixation since you left. Hope you're careful, with those tricks - some of the clubs in large cities have guys tricking with no scruples and could slip anything in a drink or give you god knows what. Brian ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: bakinney@hotmail.com From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk Subject: "How to be the Best Homo 101" Brian, I did spend 2 years in your class. I don't drink anything that isn't in a bottle opened in front of me, I always keep my thumb over the top, I don't do ANY kind of drugs no matter who offers, I never go to any tricks home, and if you're interested I never bottom for anyone - ever - no exceptions. There for I am in control of the situation including the condom - which I supply - so I know the quality. Did I forget anything or Grand Master? About the paintings - you and our time together are so much a part of who I am. I can never get you out of my mind - and I don't particularly want to. I put you in each picture as my way of sharing something with you that I care about. What can I say - I'm an artist - all artists have some kind of eccentricity. Do you ever think about me? That was just a casual question, something a friend would ask another friend who has been away for a few years. Don't get all bent out of shape - just answer the question. Your friend Justin ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: lessons learned I'm glad you learned your lessons well, Sonny Boy. That at least gives me some satisfaction. Yes I do think about you, more often than I ever would have thought possible. I thought you liked to bottom - or am I just putting my spin on our time together? You seemed to have fun. I'm still living at the loft, though I did expand to the extra area beside it - with Gus staying overnight more often now he's older, he needed his own space. There is a large area that I had skylights put in for lots of natural light. Lindsey says it would make a great studio to paint in. It'll help with the resale value I suppose, if I ever sell. Gus uses it for his Hot Wheels. I shouldn't tell you this, I don't want to encourage your obsession, but like you never bottoming any more, I don't trick at the loft anymore - it just doesn't have the same appeal it once had. Maybe I'm getting too old LOL. Your friend Brian ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: bakinney@hotmail.com From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk Subject: spies' I have to admit I knew about the loft and about the no tricks at the loft - as a professional stalker, semi-retired, I still operate my spy network. Just to keep my hand in - you never know when stalker mode might be required. I don't bottom - well, this is kind of embarrassing to admit - but you are the only one I have ever bottomed for - it's kind of my little "still obsessed with Brian Kinney" way of being your partner - however distant and unlikely to have happen again. Blush Hugs - Justin ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmal.com Subject: Blush (not that that would really happen) Sunshine, I too confess - to finding your stalker handbook after you left and enlisting the aid of all your friends and family in keeping up with what you have been doing. Blushing if I could -Brian ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: bakinney@hotmail.com From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk Subject: fantasy reunions Do you remember the time we hiked in the National Park that last fall? We stopped to rest by the waterfall and you wanted to demonstrate all the "Kinney Kissing " techniques and we were so into it that we both had an orgasm at the same time just from kissing. Sometimes I fantasize that we accidentally meet at that same spot and it happens again. Justin - keeping tissues handy just in case ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: fantasy reunions Thank you for reminding me, that was a nice thought to go to sleep with last night. What about the time I went to the White Party and you came down the next day and surprised me by cutting in while I was dancing with that hot guy - you were so cute and indignant that he didn't want to leave. The guy had to have been 6'6" and at least 225 - didn't slow you down though - just pushed him aside and started that "Dirty Dancing" stuff you do until we both came. Every year I go there, I keep fantasizing it'll happen again. Brian - buying stock in dry cleaning business' just in case. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: bakinney@hotmail.com From: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk Subject: what if What if we did meet again - could we ever have a relationship? I don't mean what we had before. I mean talking and listening to each other. Being friends as well as lovers. Would it be possible to rebuild trust in one another. Or is that just a pipe dream that all queers have at one time or another? Justin - fingers crossed, heart pounding ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ April 2007 Reply: taylorj@yahoo.co.uk From: bakinney@hotmail.com Subject: what if Brian Kinney can do anything - and so can Justin Taylor - but do they want to risk it?? For the answer to that question you will have to open your hotel room door as soon as you read this. Love and Kinney Kisses - Brian ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Justin, sitting in his hotel in Paris, was puzzled by this last email. It was almost midnight, the hotel had been quiet for awhile. He hadn't heard anyone at the door. But figured why not. He padded to the door and cautiously opened it - Standing in front of the door was a grinning Brian, bouquet of roses in one hand and a cellular phone palm in another. "I thought you'd never read that last one Sunshine - I never stopped loving you either" he whispered as pulled Justin into his arms.