Cold. Brian felt cold. The only warmth he could sense were the warm tears streaking his face and the warm blood on his lips. He had retreated. This couldn’t be happening. He was lost, alone within his own despair. Tumbling toward an endless oblivion. He had to climb back, see him, hold him, re-live him. Why? How did this happen? A moment of ever lasting happiness plunged into horror in mere seconds. He swore he could still feel the light pressure from the tenderest kiss he had ever experienced. One that spoke of so much. Spoke for the words he couldn’t articulate. Spoke for the feelings that he was sure he would never feel. But he had. Alone, Mikey didn’t come. He couldn’t reach him. He let it ring a couple of times, and then hung up. The hospital had called Jennifer; she would be arriving soon. What could he possibly say to her? She would undoubtedly blame him. He blamed himself. Why should she be different? He felt eyes on him. Turning he saw her. Her eyes as lost as his, but with a tint of anger. He couldn’t speak. He pleaded with his watery eyes for her to believe that he NEVER wanted, NEVER dreamed that this would happen. He was so sorry. He would do anything to change it. Have it be him lying on that gurney right now, fighting for his life, just to allow her to have her son back. But he couldn’t change it. She shot angry, confused glares at him, suddenly changing them to questioning and pleading. How could you let this happen? What possessed him to go? Why couldn’t he have just left well enough alone? I know why, but it doesn’t curb my anger! He continually takes my son from me. I sit down next to him; grasping his hand is all I can think to do. Despite my current feelings, he’s all I have. ---~^~^~^~--- An hour later. How fucking long had he been sitting there? It seems like forever. He needed to know how Justin was doing. I can’t take this any longer. Rising from the stone-like chair, Brian sought out a nurse. Jennifer had excused herself to go to the bathroom. “Excuse me”, Brian’s voice cracked. “Could you tell me how the young man who was brought in earlier is doing?” Noticing the unbalanced and crushed persona of the man before her, the young nurse replied, “I’ll see what I can find out.” “Thank you…,” looking at her nametag, “Beth.” Beth, having just come on duty to the ER went to the duty station to find out what she could about the new cases that had come in that night. There had been a young man with a head injury, and a young man that had been in a car accident. Checking with the nurse coming off duty at the time, she asked. “Martha, what is the status of these two cases?” “I’m afraid we lost one,” Martha sullenly replied. “The young man in the car accident had just lost too much blood. The other is still in trauma.” Having seen all the blood on Brian’s suit and face, she concluded that she was going to have to be the bearer of bad news. She hated this part of her job. Returning to Brian she braced herself for his reaction. “Sir…,” she hesitated. “Just tell me.” “I’m sorry.” Brian stood frozen. “NO!” his brain screamed, yet not even the slightest breath escaped. He just started walking, not hearing the nurse call to him. Only hearing the calming refrains of “Save the Last Dance.” How appropriate! ---~^~^~--- Jennifer returned from the bathroom and looked for Brian, but found him nowhere. She approached the nurse’s station to see if there was any update on Justin’s condition. “Yes,” Beth looked up at the woman who looked as tattered as the man she had just seen. “Could you tell me if there is any new news on Justin Taylor; he’s my son.” “He is the young man with the head trauma, correct?” “Yes.” “Let me go and check,” Beth replied, trying to provide some comfort and reassurance with her small smile. “Thank you, I’ll just wait here.” Beth returned pretty quickly and Jennifer wasn’t sure that that was a good thing or not. “Mrs. Taylor, Justin is still in surgery. He’s lost a lot of blood and they are doing all that they can to get him stabilized to assess for further damage. At this point the doctors are staying optimistic, but there is still much to determine, some of which can not be until Justin wakes up.” “Thank you so much for the new information, I hadn’t really been told anything yet.” Jennifer’s voice quivered with emotion. “Did you happen to see where the man I was sitting with went?” A deep sense of dread came over Beth. Having seen Justin’s state when she went to inquire after him, she realized that she may have given false information to the man who questioned her only a few moments ago. Shakily she asked, “What did he look like?” “He’s got brown hair, hazel eyes, but you would have probably recognized him by the blood stained silk scarf and tux he was wearing.” Beth brought her hand up to cover her gaping mouth as she confirmed what she had done. “What’s wrong?” Jennifer asked seeing Beth’s reaction. “I gave your friend some wrong information. He asked me for an update on a young man that had been brought in earlier. I just came on duty, and when I checked with the nurse leaving she said that two young men had been brought in, one with a head injury and one from an auto accident. She told me that the young man from the auto accident had died from too much blood loss. I made the assumption that he was the young man that the gentleman was referring to because of all the blood on him. I’m so sorry, but he thinks your son died.” Beth was beside herself. She had never made an error of this magnitude before. Just hearing the word “died” in reference to her son, sent chills up Jennifer’s spine, but she needed to find Brian. “Did you see which way he went?” Jennifer asked grasping Beth’s shoulder’s with both hands, seemingly needing to shake her out of her own shock. “He just started walking down the hall…toward the exit.” Jennifer turned and quickly made her way toward the exit of the emergency room. When she reached the parking lot, Brian was nowhere in sight. She couldn’t leave Justin, so she turned back to the emergency room, to call Deb. Deb would find Brian. ---~^~^~^~--- Brian walked in a shroud of disbelief toward his home on Tremont. His Jeep was still in the hotel parking garage. He had to leave, he couldn’t stay in Pittsburgh. He couldn’t face his friends, his family, Jennifer. He wasn’t sure he could face himself. He had lost the one person he had finally had the balls to love, the guts to let into his life, taken from him by one vicious act of hate. He knew his standard methods of pain management wouldn’t work this time. They wouldn’t bring Justin back. So he had to leave. He entered the code to the main entrance, and walked up the stairs, unlocked the door, disarmed the alarm, and slid the steel door closed again. The door seemed lighter than his heart. He paused looking around at all the glorious things that he had in his home. The fine Italian furniture, the stainless steel dominating his kitchen, the ultra modern electronics, and the closet full of designer clothes. All these things were supposedly who he was defined his life. Let everyone know that he had made it. But they were just things. They all seemed useless and hollow now. They could bring him no comfort, no warmth. No love. Steeling himself, he knew he had to focus, if just for a while. He needed to be swift with his resolve. The others would soon come for him. He strode to his closet, and pulled out the duffel bad that he had had for years that he used for brief trips, unrelated to business. He stuffed in a couple pairs of jeans, some t-shirts, and some underwear. He quickly changed into the same, leaving the blood stained tux on the floor, in a puddle at the foot of his bed. He left the scarf hanging about his neck. Crossing to his desk, he opened the top drawer and pulled out a checkbook and sat to write a letter to Lindsay. Dear Lindz, I have to get away. Here is a joint account that I started. Use the money for whatever you or Gus need. Don’t let my son think I don’t love him. I do. Bri. Folding the letter, he placed it in an envelope with the checkbook. He would drop it in the mailbox on his way out of town. He picked up the phone and called into the office leaving a message for Cynthia and Ryder. He told them he was taking an extended leave of absence and didn’t know when he would return. Knowing this would piss Ryder off, he suggested that Cynthia take his place. She knew the accounts as well as, if not better than he did. Asked Cynthia to have the utilities cut off at the loft, and have it closed up. She needed to call and cancel the maid too. Have the mail diverted to her at the office. She could pay it out of the account that she had access too. Finally, he just hung up. Feeling he had taken care of the major things, his kid, his job, he headed for the parking garage of his building. He walked to the back corner of the garage towards the vehicle covered with the dusty old tarp. He hadn’t started this thing since the summer he got out of college; there just hadn’t been the time. Now he had plenty of time. He strapped his duffle bag to the back, checked the gas gauge, good there was a little bit, and started the ignition. Placing his helmet on his head, he was ready to go. He pulled to the exit, looked around the street and pulled out. Debbie was approaching the loft, hoping to find Brian, to let him know that there had been a mistake. She turned her head as she heard the roar of the motorcycle as it left the garage. ---~^~^~^~--- Debbie tried the buzzer, to no avail. Since Michael was gone she had no other way to get into the loft. She decided to head to the hospital to sit with Jennifer, and wait for news on her Sunshine. When Deb entered the hospital waiting room she found that the rest of the gang had already arrived, the only faces missing were those of Michael and Brian. She instantly found Jennifer and rushed to console her. “Jennifer I am so sorry. Has there been any news?” “No Deb, nothing new. Did you find Brian?” “No, there was no answer at the loft. He’s probably just driving around. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. Then we can clear up the confusion,” Deb said, although she wasn’t very confident in her reply. Something in her gut just told her that something wasn’t right. Looking over at Ted and Emmett, Jennifer asked, “Would either of you happen to know where he might be?” “Well he may have gone to Woody’s or Babylon. Brian tends to control his pain there.” This from Emmett. “Have you tried his cell phone?” Ted asked ever the practical one. “NO! I haven’t. Do any of you have the number?” Jennifer reached into her purse to retrieve her cell phone. “The number is 412-369-0710.” Ted told her. Jennifer waited as the phone rang. Her expression dropped as she received the recording that the owner of the phone was not available. She stored the number and then ended the call. “It said he’s not available.” “He’s probably just got it turned off right now. Come on Teddy, let’s head out and see if we can’t find him,” Emmett suggested, dragging Ted out of the Emergency room. Vic was just returning with some coffee as the boys were leaving. He gave Jen, Deb, Lindsay, and Mel their coffee, Daphne bottled water, and sat down. “Oh, I bought a bottle of apple juice for Gus, just in case.” “Thanks Vic.” Lindsay replied. She had been very quiet; trying to absorb what had happened to Justin and the fact that Brian had been given false information and now appeared to be missing. She was worried what he might do. Mel sat rocking Gus, as they all waited for any news on Justin. After about 3 hours of sitting and pacing a doctor emerged from around a corner as approached the group of individuals waiting at end of the hall. “Mrs. Taylor?” “I’m Jennifer Taylor. Please how is my son?” Jennifer was shaky at best. “I’m Doctor Hamilton, head of neurosurgery. Justin is out of surgery and is being prepped for ICU. He sustained a skull fracture and with the forces generated from the blunt trauma he also incurred an epidural hematoma. We had to drill a small hole in the skull to allow the blood to drain. To decrease the pressure on the brain. We don’t know yet what other complications will arise at this point. We probably won’t know until Justin wakes up.” “How long could that take Doctor?” Vic questioned. He remembered being in a coma for a while when he had taken a turn for the worse. “It’s hard to say. We really don’t know. He slipped into a coma during the surgery. His vitals appear to be stable. He will be on 24 hour monitor. He will have immediate care if there are any changes,” Doctor Hamilton replied. “Can I see him?” Jennifer needed to see her son desperately. “As soon as he is moved into ICU, you may go in and sit with him. I’ll be sure to let the nurses know that you may stay.” “Thank you, Doctor Hamilton.” Jennifer quietly responded, trying to quell her tears for a while longer. ---~^~^~--- Jennifer walked through the door to the ICU room that Justin was in. She quietly pulled up a chair and sat down. Gently taking Justin’s right hand in hers, and looking into his face, she longed to see his lapis blue eyes glimmering back at her. Instead she saw drained, ashen skin colored with purple and blue. The whiteness of the bandage around his head was disrupted only by the red seeping through at his temple. Closing her eyes, clenching Justin’s hand, she relived giving him his first set of crayons. He had burst to life seeing the colors explode on the page. His fierce determination to ride his two-wheeler, despite his scraped up knees. Taking him to the art museum, encouraging his love of art. The numerous birthday parties that she had had for him. Feeling the enormous amount of pride she had when he walked down the stairs at Deb’s earlier that night. He looked truly amazing. Ready to take on the world. Opening her eyes, her beautiful son just looked so small, like the world had fallen on him. Tears cascading down her faced she silently pleaded with him to come back to her. ---~^~^~--- Out in the hallway Lindsay, Melanie, Deb, and Vic sat with Daphne. “You should have seen it! Justin and I were dancing and I saw him first. Brian walked in immediately seeking Justin out. He actually looked scared,” she said with a little smile in her voice. “I tapped Justin and pointed toward Brian. I don’t think Justin really registered that Brian was there until they were on the dance floor. They looked absolutely magical. You could see it in their eyes. No one else was in the room. And when Brian kissed him…” Daphne’s voice faded. The others watched her face as it glowed while she told them of Brian and Justin’s dance. The silence that ensued when she finished was broken when Deb let a quiet sob escape. “Sis, what is it?” “I’m just so worried about Brian. He loves that kid and he thinks he’s dead, Vic! He thinks Sunshine is dead!” She continued to cry embraced in Vic’s arms. “We’ll find him, Deb.” “Has anyone called Michael?” Melanie asked. “I don’t think anyone as called him. Someone should try though. He might know where Brian would go,” Vic answered her. Releasing herself from her brother, Deb went to the nurses’ station. “May I use the phone?” “Certainly, just dial ‘9’ to get an outside line,” the nurse replied. Deb picked up the phone and dialed her son’s cell phone. She was thinking she was going to have to leave a message when Michael picked up. “Hello.” “Michael!” Deb sighed with relief. “Ma, what is it?” He could tell that something was wrong with his mother. “Is it Uncle Vic?” “No sweetheart, Vic’s fine. But…Justin’s been badly hurt. Brian went to the Prom and as he and Justin were leaving, another student came up behind Justin and hit him in the head with a bat.” “Ma, Is Brian all right?” Michael would always think of Brian first. “Physically, yes.” “Thank God. Then what is wrong?” “He’s disappeared, Michael. He was misinformed about Justin’s condition by one of the nurses coming on duty. He thinks Justin died Michael. Ted and Emmett are out looking for him. I went by the loft but there is no answer.” Just at that moment Ted and Emmett returned. “Did you find him?” Deb asked her voice tainted with worry and desperation. “He’s not at Woody’s or Babylon. We went by the loft again and he’s still not there. We checked to see if he might have gone back to get his Jeep, but it is still in the hotel parking garage. We asked some of the regulars to keep an eye out for him.” Deb’s face and heart sunk. Where could he be? “Michael, do you know of any place he might have gone? Somewhere that maybe only you know of?” “I’m not sure, Ma, but he’ll turn up. He’s probably just trying to deal with this in his own way. Don’t worry.” “DON’T WORRY!!” Deb shrieked. “Michael, we have to find him! Justin is NOT dead! He needs to be here! He is out there mourning for his lover, who he hasn’t truly lost! How can you tell me not to worry!!” “Damn Ma, don’t yell at me! I’m on the other side of the country. I’ll get the next flight home! I’ll call you when I find out what time I’ll be there.” Hanging up with Michael, Deb turned back to everyone. “Michael is going to get the next flight back home. He didn’t know where Brian might be, but he seemed to believe that Brian would turn up.” Jennifer came out of Justin’s room and looked at the collection of people who had become Justin’s family and by extension hers. She was so grateful that they were there. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep it together without their support. Lindsay walked over to her. “How is he doing?” she asked. “He just looks like he’s sleeping. He looks so small and frail.” Jen replied and Lindsay clutched Gus closer to her. She couldn’t believe how well Jen seemed to be handling all of this. She didn’t think she would be as strong. Mel walked over and touched Lindsay’s arm. “Honey, I think we should get Gus home.” “Yes girls, take Gus home. I really appreciate you being here, but right now there really isn’t anything that you can do,” Jennifer told them. “Okay. Well we will check in with you later. Call us if there is anything that you need,” Lindsay said, bundling up Gus. Collecting the rest of there things, Mel and Lindsay left with Gus. Jennifer turned to Deb and Vic. “I have a huge favor to ask of you.” “Whatever you need, sweetie. You just name it!” Deb replied, some exuberance returning to her voice, now that she had a purpose again. “Would you mind if Molly stayed with you for a few days. She’s staying at the neighbor’s tonight. They’re going to bring her here tomorrow, so that she can see Justin, but I don’t think I can leave him just yet,” Jennifer asked her voice starting to quiver. “Absolutely! She can stay with us as long as she needs to. We’ll see to it that she’s looked after and gets to school. Won’t we Vic?” “Yes. Not a problem at all.” “Thank you so much!” At that point, realizing that her daughter would be cared for, she collapsed into Debbie’s arms and wept. ---~^~^~--- “I can’t imagine where he is. He’s got to be hurting so badly right now,” Lindsay said with a tearful voice. “I still can’t fathom that he went to the Prom. I never thought I’d say this, but I think he really does love Justin,” Melanie said. Lindsay looked over at her partner and smiled. Brian wouldn’t believe that Mel said a kind word about him. She had had a growing suspicion about Brian’s feelings when he had tried to run away to New York when that job had materialized. Justin was getting too close and Brian just couldn’t let that happen. She wondered what had made him decide to go to the Prom. Had he finally decided that the effort it was taking to push Justin away wasn’t worth it? That admitting to his feelings could actually be the better thing to do? That simply loving Justin was easier? She didn’t really know. All she knew was that she was scared. Because if Brian had finally decided to let Justin in behind all those carefully constructed walls, it had to be devastating to him to think that Justin had so quickly been taken from him. As they pulled into the driveway of their home Melanie noticed that the red flag on the mailbox was up. “Lindsay, did you put something in the mail?” “No, why?” “The red flag is up.” With a knot growing in her stomach she turned to Mel and with a scared tone said, “Get Gus, I’ll go see what it is.” She approached the mailbox and hesitantly opened it. She pulled out an envelope that simply had her name on the front…in Brian’s handwriting. She opened it and read the words that Brian had written to her. Tears streaming down her face as she turned to Mel and read her the note. Mel took the checkbook from her and glanced at the balance. She was startled to see the amount. Brian leaving them that much money for Gus only meant one thing. Brian was not planning on returning anytime soon. Lindsay stared at her son, the image of Brian and whispered, “Brian, you have to come back. Justin needs you.” ---~^~^~--- Just outside of Toledo, in Lindsey, OH, Brian was filling up his gas tank.