Every birth is conditioned by a past good or bad karma, which predominated at the moment of death. Karma that conditions the future birth is called Reproductive Karma. The death of a person is merely a temporary end of a temporary phenomenon. Though the present form perishes, another form takes its place, according to the potential thought-vibration generated at the death moment, because the Karmic force which propels the life-flux still survives. It is this last thought, called Reproductive Karma, that determines the state of a person in his subsequent birth. This may be either a good or a bad Karma. Chapter 17 Daphne checked her pulse rate as she got off the elliptical machine. She was breathing heavily but saw that all her numbers were well within normal limits. She’d been coming to the gym in the morning with Alex to start her day with some cardio exercises and weight lifting, rather than just relying on her bath to relax her. So far this seemed to be working. She’d shower after her work-out then have breakfast with Alex before she went off to see her first patient. Not only was her mental state improving but her body was benefiting from the new routine. She was starting to see a lot more muscle and tightness in areas that had started to go a little soft. She’d switched her schedule around on purpose, so now her bathing ritual was in the evening, which was very nice because Alex could often join her and this usually led to other more interesting forms of relaxation. Their physical life was completely back to normal, something they were both happy about. It had now been almost nine weeks since her miscarriage and by all outward appearances her body had completely recovered. Mentally, she seemed to have moved into a better place, accepting the fact that for once things were not completely in her control and that only time and Justin’s decision could change anything. Where Justin was in his decision making process wasn’t something he shared with her. They had resumed their daily phone calls but more often than not the conversation centered on Gus and these new people that were hanging around Britin Manor; the trainer, his daughter and Gus’ best friend, Austin. Justin was in an absolute lather the other day when he had called her because he had come home from running an errand in town and found the boys in the pool with an almost naked Tiffany. He was acting like a virginal, card carrying prude, babbling on about corrupting his son and flopping boobs. She had told him to chill out because he sounded like her fucking mother! Considering all that he and Brian had done, together and apart, you would think he would be a little more tolerant when it came to Gus and his sexual discovery. Apparently that was not the case. There was a side of Justin that was very conservative with the people that he loved and cared about. Remembering the way he had carried on when Jennifer and Tuck first started going out was a prime example. He was having issues coming to terms with his son growing up in front of his eyes. She had to switch into her shrink mode and counsel him on the importance of communication and acceptance that Gus was a sexual being and not a little boy anymore. Eventually he calmed down, but it wasn’t until she told him that he had better get with the program or he would alienate Gus. This brought his ranting to an end and he immediately switched gears back to the intelligent, introspective Justin that she knew and loved. He had mentioned that he had stumbled on Buddhism and he briefly told her how Emmett had introduced him to the whole concept. She was surprised that an Eastern religion would interest him; that any religion would interest him. They had never discussed it in all the years they had been friends. Then again, in retrospect, she realized that nothing Justin did was ever ordinary or mainstream. He had always been open to the new and unusual so this would only be in keeping with everything else. What did shock her was the fact that Emmett seemed to have found the love of his life. It had been many years since he and Drew Boyd had broken up and she had to help him deal with that situation. No one ever expected him to settle down after that. They had all pretty much pegged him as the eternal bachelor, enjoying the flitting from flower to flower, or in his case, from bee to bee. That’s why it was such a surprise when Justin told her about this new development. She had met Max a few times when she had been over to visit and he seemed like a really nice guy. Definitely hot, and she could only imagine what Emmett must have thought the first time he laid eyes on him. From everything Justin had told her the affair was still in the hot and heavy stage, much to Brian’s distress. He wasn’t happy that his personal chef may be kidnapped by the owner of Fabulous. Thinking about Emmett only reminded her that she was planning on hiring him for the birthday party she was going to throw for Alex who was turning forty-four in two weeks. She wanted to celebrate the occasion because it also coincided with their wedding anniversary. It had been a long time since they had had anything to celebrate and it was time that they hosted something to reciprocate all the invitations they had received in the last year. She reached for her phone and scrolled through the directory for Emmett’s number. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Emmett hung up after listening to Daphne go over her wish list for the party. He was happy that he would be able to help her, even though she refused to consider any sort of theme, which really put a damper on his great ideas. He had talked to her about a whole Russian scheme and she immediately shot that down saying Alex would freak if Emmett had men in colorful outfits strolling around playing their Balalaikas for their guests. The only Russian thing that would be at the party was lots of Vodka. Emmett had to settle for a more standard fare, yet he was still pleased that she had considered him for the event. He had always liked Daphne and through the years he had come to realize what a really special friend she was to Justin. He remembered how often he would see her getting in Brian’s face defending Justin, making sure that his feelings were not being trampled upon by the then great asshole Kinney. The shocking part was that Brian actually listened to her. This had only increased Emmett’s respect for her and the fact that she had been extremely professional and discreet when he was having his nervous breakdown only made him care for her more. She had been there for him, holding his hand and counseling him from the beginning of his downward spiral. To this day, no one knew about it until recently, when he had mentioned it to Justin. Daphne had been one of the few who had helped him cope. Now he was glad that he could help her celebrate her marriage and Alex’s birthday. It would be a happy occasion and he promised to do his best. He knew that she and Alex had been through a lot in the past year, courtesy of Justin’s heart-to-heart, however, he never said anything about that to anyone, and he never would. He just wanted to make sure that everything went smoothly and that the party would be a success, in spite of the fact that she wasn’t giving him much time to prepare. He picked up the phone and dialed Max’s cell. “Hey gorgeous,” Emmett said when Max picked up. “Hey,” Max answered, excited to hear Emmett’s voice. “What are you doing on Saturday, August sixteenth?” “Nothing,” Max said. “Why?” “You wouldn’t consider helping me set up a dinner for Daphne and her husband would you?” “Of course I would, silly boy. You know I’d do anything you asked me,” Max replied, switching to a more husky, sexy tone of voice. “Anything?” Emmett asked coyly. “Yes, anything,” Max answered with no hesitation. “Oh honey, stop talking in that bedroom voice when you are miles away and I can’t tear your clothes off,” Emmett groaned into the phone. Max laughed and said, “You’re the one who started this whole conversation, Em.” Just as Max said that, Brian walked into the kitchen and looked at him. Max could feel the blood rushing to his face, embarrassed that he had been caught talking to Emmett. “I’ve got to go,” he said. “Why? Did Brian or Justin just walk in?” “Yes, talk to you later.” “I love you Gorgeous, you know that, don’t you?” “I do…me too…later,” he said. He put the phone away and asked, “Is there anything I can get you Mr.B?” “Not right now, Max,” Brian answered, looking him in the eye. “How is dear Emmett?” “He’s fine. Thanks for asking,” Max answered, shyly. “You two are really hitting it off, aren’t you?” Brian asked. Max replied by pretending to spit three times. “What was that all about?” Brian asked, curious. “I don’t want to put a ‘kaynahora’ on it,” Max replied. “A what?” Brian asked. “An evil eye,” he answered. “I don’t want to jinx it by saying it’s been wonderful and romantic and I’ve never been this happy in my entire life,” Max answered with a huge smile on his face. “Wow,” Brian answered. “I guess that answers my question.” Brian reached over and touched Max on the arm. “You know I’m really happy for both of you, despite what you might think.” “Thanks Mr. B. I never thought I would find anyone like him, not in Pittsburgh at least,” Max replied. “Yeah, it’s pretty amazing what can turn up in this Burgh. Anyway, I’m glad you guys are together. I’ve known Em for a very long time and believe me, I’ve never met anyone more honest or more comfortable with who he is.” “I know,” Max replied. “That’s part of the attraction, I guess. I’ve dealt with so many closet queens and people who are in denial over who they are, it’s so refreshing to be with someone who knows exactly who and what he wants and is not afraid to get it.” “Yeah, that would be Emmett alright. The only closet in his vocabulary is the one overflowing with his tacky outfits.” “Hey,” Max replied indignantly. “When was the last time you looked in his closet? He’s got some pretty high-end labels in there.” “Oh? Well, I guess he’s improved with age, haven’t really looked at him that way, to be honest,” Brian said, looking with amusement at his chef getting all defensive about his lover. “He’s really a good dresser, you know,” Max said. “He’ll never compare to you, Mr. B, but he’s pretty close.” Brian looked at Max and raised his eyebrows. “Can we change the subject, Max?” “Sure, what do you need?” “I’m going into the city for a meeting with a client. The driving instructor will be here shortly to give the boys their lesson. Would you keep an eye on them for me? Justin went to Natrona Heights and I have no idea when he’ll be back, so you’re in charge, okay?” “Sure thing, Mr. B.” “Okay. Call me on my cell if you need anything. I’ll be back before you leave for the day.” “That’s fine. Don’t worry; the boys will be busy with the driving. They won’t get into any trouble,” Max said to reassure Brian. “Right,” Brian said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian’s thoughts were on Gus and Austin as he left Britin to make his way downtown. He had stood outside the entrance to the family room the other night as they were having an argument about Tiffany and he only caught the tail end of the conversation. “You need to stop trying to feel her up Austin,” Gus had said emphatically. “And you need to stop telling me what to do. I’ll do whatever I want and if she doesn’t mind, why should you?” Austin spat out. “She would never tell you to stop, she’s too polite.” Austin laughed and said, “Polite? I don’t think so, Gus. Maybe she’s turned on by my amazing body and enjoying every minute.” “Oh puleese, Austin, give me a fucking break! You need to cool it or we’ll all get in trouble.” “Not unless you say anything. She won’t, so how are we going to get into any trouble?” “I don’t know,” Gus said, irritated. “I just know that if you keep this up, we will.” Brian listened to the whole exchange and understood the reason Gus was walking around looking like Chief Thundercloud. The kid was in a perpetual state of horniness and his best friend seemed to be getting it on while he wasn’t. Well, we’ll have to remedy the situation. He thought seriously about who he should call to try and set something up for Gus. He’d lost touch with all his contacts in that world because it had been years since he had availed himself of any of their services. Jesus, maybe we had better take that trip out to Las Vegas after all and go out to one of the ‘ranches’ to alleviate Gus’ problem. This is pathetic, he thought to himself. It would have been so much simpler if he were Gay. At least then Brian would have been able to take him to all the right places to make sure his first experience was good and safe. The thought of having to find someone to ‘help’ Gus was rather repugnant. Thinking about Gus and sex in the same breath was not sitting well with him. He knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, he just never thought he would have to have any part in it. It was one think to explain the need for condoms and safety and sex in general. It was an entirely different matter to actually visualize his son having sex, let alone trying to help him with his first experience. He supposed he could pick up the phone and find someone if he really wanted to. But where the hell would this all go down? Here? Justin would have a coronary if he found out. Christ, what a fucking dilemma. Trying to figure out how to get his kid de-virginized. He felt like he was in the middle of an eighteenth century novel. If he were a character in one of those books he and Gus would make a trip to their friendly whorehouse and get it done. The reality was that they were living in the twenty-first century and people didn’t do shit like that anymore. Kids were much more aware of everything and usually started having sex at a much younger age. Nowadays, they pretty much had everything resolved by the time they were fifteen or sixteen, or sometimes even younger than that. He decided to not say anything to anyone and let Gus try and figure this out by himself. He would continue to keep watch and would only step in if the need arose, meanwhile, he would keep an eye on Gus and Austin to make sure they didn’t do anything dumb and get into an actual confrontation over Tiffany. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was almost six o’clock and Justin was on his way home from another great session with the Master. This had been his third trip out to the monastery. It was eye opening in that apparently he and Brian had been practicing Buddhism much of the time without even realizing it. Justin looked forward to the day when he could talk to Ben about Buddhism and share his thoughts with him. The man was smart as hell and so easy to converse with. It was too bad that he couldn’t just pick up the phone but he knew that the likelihood of Daphne’s secret remaining one would be impossible once the Novotnys got involved. Debbie was the veritable ‘town crier’ and would have their entire community buzzing with the news of Daphne’s request if he so much as breathed one word to Ben about it. His time with him would have to wait until things with Daphne were settled. Today, the Master had talked to him about the Eightfold path. He had sat down with him on their favorite stone bench beside the Koi pond and explained in his quiet, melodious voice. The first point was the right view. Viewing the world simply, as it was, not the way we hoped it would be. He and Brian had always been pretty realistic about the world they lived in; not sugar coating it in any way, accepting the good with the bad. The second point was called right intention. It proceeded from right view, according to the Master. We work with what is; our intentions are pure. The third aspect was right speech. Once our intentions are pure, we no longer have to be embarrassed about our speech. Since we are no longer trying to manipulate people, we don’t have to be hesitant about what we say, nor do we have to try and bluff our way through any conversation with phony confidence. We say what needs to be said in a simple genuine way. Brian was famous for saying things in a brutally frank and honest way. And Justin too never held back an opinion if he could help it. The fourth point was something he and Brian would have to work on. The path of right discipline. This would involve a kind of renunciation, giving up a tendency to complicate issues; i.e. no queening, to Justin’s mind. To practice simplicity, by not clouding relationships at work and at home with unnecessary and frivolous complications. Definitely, this was a step that he and Brian would need to work on. The fifth step, right livelihood, was a given. He and Brian both enjoyed their jobs, performing them with as much attention to detail as they could. The sixth aspect of the path was right effort. According to the Master, wrong effort is struggle. We often approach a spiritual discipline as though we need to conquer our evil side and promote our good side. We are locked in combat with ourselves and try to obliterate the tiniest negative tendency. Right effort doesn’t involve struggle at all. When we see things as they are, we can work with them, gently and without any aggression whatsoever. Right mindfulness, the seventh step involved precision and clarity. We are mindful of every detail of the way we talk, perform our jobs, our posture, our attitude towards our friends and family. Right concentration or absorption was the eighth point of the path. Right absorption meant that we are completely absorbed in nowness, in things as they are. This can only happen if we have some sort of discipline, such as sitting meditation. Without meditation, we can’t walk the eightfold path at all. Sitting meditation cuts through our absentmindedness. It provides a space or gap in our preoccupation with ourselves. Justin thought about the eighth point and wondered how he could get Brian to consider meditation. This would be something else they would need to work on. Justin continued to go over all eight steps as he drove home, relating them to the way he and Brian viewed the world. They had both tried to be as honest as possible in everything they did and with each other. Brian had finally, after many years of denial, become honest with his feelings when it came to love and commitment and he had no trouble expressing them openly anymore. He had never been one to pretend to be something he was not. No apologies, no regrets! It seemed that this mantra of his was very Buddhist. If you were honest with your feelings and knew what you were doing, there should be no need for apologies or regrets. They had always lived for the now, trying their best to provide an open and honest relationship between themselves, their work and their family. It had taken years of struggle, that much was true, but they seemed to have arrived at a certain place in time that was comfortable and in keeping with much of the teachings of the Buddha. What Justin loved the most about Buddhism was that it was a very pragmatic religion. It didn’t indulge in metaphysical speculation about first causes; there was no theology, no worship of a deity or deification of the Buddha. It took a very straightforward look at the human condition; nothing was based on wishful thinking. Everything that the Buddha taught was based on his own observations of the way things were. Everything that he taught could be verified by our own observation of the way things are. This appealed much more to him than any Christian notions of a God and Almighty Being that looked down from some mythical heaven, moving people around like pieces in a chess game. How could he believe in anyone who would allow cruelty and hatred, poverty and sickness, injustice and bigotry to exist in the world? It wasn’t possible that such a Being existed. If there was a God, in the true sense of the word, these things shouldn’t exist. How could he believe in a God who allowed his representatives to abuse their parishioners, to fuck people in the back room at Babylon? Justin thought the whole idea of priests and pastors ridiculous. He had not met one that he listened to or respected the way he did the Master. How could anyone explain the death of ‘dumpster boy’ or his bashing for that matter? Or the homophobic attacks on Shanda Leer and others? What kind of benevolent Being would think that was okay? Justin wondered again what kind of God would create a world where loving another human would be the source of such shame when the other human happened to be of the same sex? If this was so wrong, Justin asked himself, why then were there so many people out there just like him and Brian. Like Melanie and Lindsay? Explain that one, God? Justin knew that all these thoughts were going to absorb him for quite some time. He knew that this was not going to be easy, switching over to the Buddhist way of life. He wasn’t even sure if he was ready to do that one hundred percent, however, his experience with the Master and seeing the world in a whole different light had given him some peace and enabled him to come to terms with many of the moral questions that had been plaguing him since Daphne had made her request. He needed to discuss everything with Brian. He had waited till he had enough sessions with the Master to truly understand the basic concepts, because Brian would ask all the hard questions and would need to hear answers that made sense to him. The concept of Karma was one thing that continued to intrigue Justin. He loved the idea that he was in charge of his own destiny, that his parents were really only the instruments in getting him here. That who he was and what he had was through his efforts, through decisions, good or bad, that he had made in past lives. That at some place in time he and Brian had crossed paths and done things to bring them to where they were at now. That relationships between him and Gus, and Mel and Linds, were not random. They were rewards for past deeds, bringing him all the joy and good fortune he presently had. This whole system appealed much more than the alternative which was that life was a one shot deal and you pretty much had no way of getting something better should this life not be the ideal one. It was all starting to come together in his head, leading to the inevitable answers regarding Daphne that he was looking for. There again, the coincidences were hard to ignore. What were the odds of a black girl growing up in an all-white neighborhood becoming the best friend of a white, Anglo-Saxon, protestant boy? Come on, it was close to impossible, yet here they were. Could it all boil down to Karma? Somewhere in the past, Daphne and he had a history. Somewhere along the way their paths had crossed, leaving an indelible mark, a mark that was picked up easily in this life; a connection that apparently had never been broken. He snapped out of his reverie as he realized Britin Manor was looming on the horizon and he was almost home. He was surprised and then frightened by the sight of a fire truck in the driveway and an ambulance right behind it. The red lights were flashing on the ambulance and he could see some firefighters dragging ladders off the truck. He could feel the shift in his heartbeat as it accelerated, wondering in alarm what could account for those two vehicles in his home. He quickly parked the Porsche behind the fire truck and ran into the house. He walked through the different rooms and was only greeted by silence. No sign of a fire or trouble anywhere. He moved into the the kitchen and looked out the window. There was a small crowd gathered around the swimming pool. He ran out the side door and down the little slope that led to the pool area. Max was standing with a towel around his shoulder, talking to a firefighter. He was soaking wet. Gus and Austin were sitting on one of the lounges used for sunbathing. There was a small gash on Austin’s head that was seeping blood and the paramedic was trying to staunch the bleeding. Gus sat quietly beside him, his face white with shock. Both boys were in street clothes that were also dripping wet. Gus looked up as Justin walked towards him and his tears started flowing the minute he saw his father. He stood up slowly, moving towards Justin but halfway there his face changed to an awful greenish color and he quickly moved over to the side of the patio and threw up in the bushes. The paramedic rushed over to help Gus, holding him as he continued to heave his guts out. Finally, the spasms subsided and the paramedic helped him up and handed him a bottle of water and a pill to settle his stomach. Gus was breathing erratically and he was starting to shake as the realization of what had just happened hit home. He looked at Justin, wanting desperately to explain, but all he could get out was a hoarse “I’m so sorry, ‘D’.” Justin was trying to make sense of the whole scene in front of him but wasn’t having much success. Everything was too confused and sudden for him to understand. He looked around once more and saw that there was a stretcher on the floor and another paramedic working on the body lying on the stretcher. Justin was rooted to the spot, afraid to move forward to see who it was. He could feel the blood draining out of his brain and he felt light-headed and close to fainting. Please don’t let it be Brian…please… He stepped forward gingerly to see who it was. As he did so, he happened to turn his head towards the pool and was shocked to see the Corvette resting on the bottom in the deep end. His eyes took in the sight but his brain was not registering any of it. What the hell was the ’Vette doing in the pool? There was other debris floating around in the water; a shoe, a baseball cap that looked very much like Austin’s and a few CD cases that must have come loose from the container in the car. The car itself was completely immersed in the water. Justin looked at Gus and then at Max, uncomprehending any of it. He was just about to ask a question when he heard the paramedic saying, “He seems to be okay, his breathing is finally normal. I think he’ll be fine.” Justin walked over to the stretcher and looked down, fearful of what he might see. Raoul lay on the stretcher with an oxygen mask over his face. He too was soaking wet. Justin turned around and looked at the small group of people gathered around his pool and finally said aloud, “Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on here?” TBC