If we accept the basic ethical purpose of Karma is to behave responsibly, and the tenet of Karma may be simply stated, ‘if you do good things, good things will happen to you-if you do bad things, bad things will happen to you’, then it is possible for us to identify analogs with other religions that do not rely on Karma as a metaphysical assertion or doctrine. Chapter 10 Alex picked up the phone and dialed Kinnetik’s number. He asked to speak with Brian and was told that he was unavailable. He left his name and number and hoped Brian would call back before his next patient arrived. It was the Tuesday after Daphne had laid her bombshell on him. He had thought of nothing else since then and he was hoping that talking with Brian would somehow clear things up and put some closure on this whole dilemma. Who knew that this would turn into such a quagmire? He felt like everywhere he stepped, he only sank further into the muck and he was getting tired and frustrated with the whole thing. Eight months was a long time to be on an emotional roller coaster and his nerves were starting to fray; not a good thing for a Neurologist who had to have nerves of steel and a steady hand. He wished there was a magic pill to make everything better for Daphne. He knew how difficult this had been for her. The mental strain was far worse than the physical and he admired her for holding up this long. In the beginning when they had talked about a sperm donor they thought it would be a simple thing. Pick the sperm, have it injected at the right time and then presto, a pregnancy would occur. It hadn’t quite worked out that way. For some reason, she couldn’t get pregnant. The doctors couldn’t explain it either so they had to take the next step which was in vitro. That was so much more involved, with all the hormone shots, the procedures to harvest the eggs and implantation of the embryos. He didn’t understand why the pregnancies kept failing. It was very puzzling and her doctors really had no answer. They just encouraged them to try again. Easy for them to say, he thought, annoyed. It wasn’t their bodies that were being used and abused. He could understand her wanting to try something different. What he didn’t understand was this need to have Justin involved in the whole thing. He wanted to keep this a private affair, between him, his wife, and the doctors. Now it was turning into a circus with too many people involved and it was really going against his grain and disturbing him very much. Alex had always been very private about his feelings and his life in general. Being an only child had turned him into an introspective person, someone who was reluctant to open up and tell all. Daphne was the first person he had ever really felt comfortable with. She had the ability to loosen him up and make him talk about anything. He didn’t really understand her relationship with Justin, but he respected it. They had a shared history of many years that he could never compete with. He knew that she loved Justin on many levels and he supposed he should be jealous, but he wasn’t. Justin was so obviously in love with Brian and happy with who he was. To be jealous of his relationship with Daphne would have been ridiculous. What did bother him though was the fact that Justin would be able to give Daphne something that he, Alex, would never be able to give her. If he agreed to let Justin inseminate her and the pregnancy was successful, their bond would become so much stronger and he may as well not even be in the picture. Why would Daphne even want to stay with him? How would he be able to maintain any semblance of self-respect in his own home when he would have to share every decision about his child with someone other than his wife? Giving up his parental rights or sharing them with Justin seemed too big of a sacrifice. He didn’t think it was fair that Daphne was asking him to do this; it was not only unfair, it was wrong. He wanted to speak with Brian because he seemed to be much more realistic, someone with a level head who could help him talk some sense into Justin. If Justin were to understand where Alex was coming from and he point blank refused Daphne, then they could get on with their lives and maybe think about adoption. He felt bad about going behind Daphne’s back. He wasn’t even sure how Brian would react, but somehow he felt that Brian would understand where he was coming from. They were closer in age and they both lived and dealt with very emotional partners; maybe that alone would be enough of a bond. His phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. Brian was on the line, according to his secretary. “Brian,” Alex said, “Thanks for calling back.” “No problem. What can I do for you, Alex?” “I was wondering if you would be willing to meet with me? I’d like to talk to you about Daphne and Justin.” “Yeah, I think it’s a good idea. Where do you want to do this?” Brian asked. “Well, I’d really prefer to keep this private, just between the two of us,” Alex said. “Then in that case, you’d better not come here. You know how we fags love to gossip; half my staff will know you’re here before you pull your keys out of the ignition,” Brian said sarcastically. “I didn’t mean it that way, Brian,” Alex said defensively. “I just don’t want Daphne to think I’m doing anything behind her back,” he said, again trying to explain his need for privacy. “Look Alex,” Brian said, “Whatever we talk about will be between the two of us, until I tell you otherwise. Why don’t I come over to your office?” “That would be great, Brian. Thanks a lot,” Alex said gratefully. “I can be there in an hour,” Brian said. “Does that work for you?” Alex looked at his scheduler on the computer and said that would be fine. They hung up and Alex buzzed his secretary to let the next patient in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian hung up and stared at the phone for a long time. He hoped that this meeting would accomplish something, but somehow, he doubted it. Alex seemed to be under the impression that he could persuade Justin to make certain decisions. Brian knew from experience that this wasn’t so. It had been years since he had been able to make Justin do anything. Justin had always been his own person and made his own decisions, even though Brian liked to think that he somehow influenced him and steered him in the right direction. Ultimately, Justin made up his own mind about everything he did. There had been many knock-down, drag-out fights over the years when they disagreed on certain things, but they had always been able to compromise and come to an agreement by the end of the fight, and the make-up sex was always hot! Brian smiled thinking about that. There had never really been anything major that they had not agreed on; at least not in the last five years. He could tell that Justin was still undecided by what he was going to do. He knew it this morning when Justin half-heartedly participated in their shower routine. All the right moves were there, but he could tell Justin’s mind was a million miles away. Even when he went down on his knees and took Brian into his mouth, the blowjob he delivered was perfunctory and unsatisfying. He picked up the phone again and rang Cynthia to let her know he was leaving the building. “When will you be back?” Cynthia asked. “As soon as I can,” Brian answered, not giving her much more information. He stood up and made his way out of the building and down to the parking garage. He had moved Kinnetik out of the old bath house years ago when they started expanding. The bath house had served its purpose but it had been time to move on. This three story building had much more room, and he quickly used up every square inch of it with his ever-growing staff. The private elevator took him directly to his parking slot and he got into the Lamborghini Murcielago that Justin had bought him as a present on his last birthday. He and Justin were into their Italian phase right now and they were both driving cars that were ridiculously expensive and powerful. He still kept most of their old vehicles, housing them in the old stables that he had converted into a six-car garage. It was just one of the perks of having money that he felt he could indulge in. Cars were always a passion and he bought and discarded them the way other people did shoes. He had done the German phase several years ago, with the BMW’s and Mercedes Benz’s and had moved on to the Italian cars that he and Justin were driving right now. Eventually, those would go when something new caught his fancy. The roar of the engine was music to his ears as he started up the car and made his way out of the garage. He loved everything Italian, starting with the Armani’s and the Prada’s, moving on to their sleek, minimalist, modern furniture and ending up with the cars that were a testimony to the Italian art of craftsmanship, unrivaled anywhere in the world. The only thing of Italy he wasn’t too crazy about was the food, and that was because it was carbohydrate heavy and not conducive to his quest to remain slim. He made his way across town and when he got to Allegheny General he handed the car over to the valet with an extra tip to make sure he parked it far away from the crazies who might inadvertently slam into the side of the car with their doors. He looked at the hospital directory in the lobby and he quickly found Dr. Alexander Cherny’s suite number and headed towards it. Alex’s secretary was expecting him and as soon as he got there she ushered Brian into the office. Alex stood up from behind the desk, and walked around it to shake Brian’s hand. “Thanks for coming, Brian.” “You’re welcome,” Brian said. He watched as Alex moved back around his desk to sit in his chair. Brian sat in the chair opposite Alex, waiting for him to start the conversation. “I’m not sure how much Justin has told you about what is going on with Daphne,” Alex said. “I know that you guys have been trying to have a child and all your attempts so far have been unsuccessful,” Brian replied. “Yes, that’s true,” Alex said. “Has Justin gone into any details or has he mentioned the fact that Daphne is trying to convince him to become the sperm donor?” “I’m not sure what you mean about the details,” Brian said hesitantly, “I do know about the request to have Justin be the donor.” “How do you feel about all of this?” he asked Brian. “I sympathize with you both, but I really don’t think Justin should be the sperm donor, for several reasons,” Brian said. Alex was relieved to hear that. At least it appeared that he and Brian were on the same page. “Can you discuss your concerns with me, Brian?” Alex asked. “For one thing, Justin could never walk away from his own child. If he were to become the father, he would want to have some say in decisions that were made and I would think that would be a problem for you,” Brian said. “Yes,” Alex replied. “I’m not comfortable with that, at all.” “Secondly,” Brian continued, “Daphne seems to think that you would be willing to give up your parental rights and you’ve just said that you aren’t. This is going to cause enormous stress between everyone and could possibly ruin a friendship of many years, a friendship that I know is very important to both of them. It could also ruin your marriage, Alex,” Brian said. “And it would definitely put a strain on mine.” “Look, Alex,” Brian said, leaning forward, “I know you’re sitting here talking to me for only one reason. You love your wife and want to make her happy. It’s probably killing you to have to talk to me about something so private. I know it would bother the hell out of me if I were in your shoes,” Brian said. Alex looked at him with relief. He ran his right hand through his hair, and stood up and began to pace. The controlled doctor Cherny was starting to unravel in front of Brian’s eyes and it was not a pretty sight. Brian completely empathized. He knew what it felt like to lose control because of a trick nature had played on you. He remembered how powerless he felt the day he was told he had cancer. It was a horrible feeling knowing that someone else was driving the car and you were only a passenger. Judging from everything he had heard of this guy, he could only imagine how difficult this whole thing must be for him. “Alex, can I ask you something?” Brian said. “Sure,” Alex answered, coming back to his chair and sitting down again. “Why does Daphne think that Justin’s sperm would be any different from what she has tried so far?” “I really don’t think it’s his sperm, Brian. It’s his support and the fact that he would be readily available, day or night, if she needed him to make the donation. Artificial insemination is a tricky thing, it’s not as simple as most people think it is,” Alex said. “Well, I know that Lindsay and I had to try several times before she got pregnant with Gus,” Brian said. “But Melanie and Michael got lucky the very first time, so it can’t be that hard?” “You are not talking about IVF Brian,” Alex said. “IVF?” Brian asked, clearly hearing this term for the first time. ‘In Vitro,” Alex said. “Oh.” “We tried it the simple way, the way that you and Michael did with Lindsay and Melanie, that didn’t work. We tried that for several months and she never got pregnant. It was frustrating and each time she’d get her period there would be days of anger and sadness and it became very tense around our house,” Alex said. “I’ll bet,” Brian replied. “Daphne never did like to lose.” “Neither do I,” Alex answered, the blue eyes turning icy. “So then what happened?” Brian asked. “Then we decided to try in vitro. This is a procedure that involves the actual harvesting of Daphne’s eggs and then uniting them with sperm in a Petri dish and waiting for the cells to divide after which an embryo is created. When that happens, the embryo is implanted into the uterus in the hopes that it will attach and grow into a fetus and eventually a baby.” “It sounds a little like a horror movie,” Brian said. “Frankenstein meets the twenty first century.” “Same concept, I suppose,” Alex replied, tongue in cheek. “And that didn’t work either?” Brian asked, with raised eyebrows. “It worked, but she miscarried three times, well into the fourth week of each pregnancy. The doctors can’t explain it. She is a very healthy young woman, there is no reason why this should be happening,” he said, the frustration apparent in his voice. “Has it ever occurred to either one of you that this is not meant to be?” Brian asked gently. “No,” Alex said emphatically. “Failure is not an option!” Brian looked at Alex and saw how he had become such a success. This guy didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘no’. He had never failed at anything in his life; every goal he had ever set out to achieve had been easily attained. Having a child was now the new challenge that he intended to take on and win. “What is it you want of me, Alex?” Brian asked. “I want you to tell Justin to say no to Daphne. I want you to make him turn her down so that we can move on. If she is not willing to try IVF again with another donor, we can talk about adoption. There are too many babies out there that need good homes. I’m willing to do that, and the sooner she realizes she will never carry a child, the sooner we can start the adoption process.” Brian huffed out a laugh. “You obviously don’t know Justin very well,” he said, looking at Alex with wry amusement. “What?” Alex said. “Telling Justin what to do is like telling you to stop breathing, telling a fucking tidal wave to stop moving towards land, telling the sun to stop rising in the morning; are you seeing a trend here?” Brian asked. “I guess he’s stubborn?” “Stubborn is not really the word I would use,” Brian said as he stood up to leave. “More like, intractable, immovable, obstinate and an all around pain in the ass when he digs his heels into something.” “Please,” Alex said, “Do what you can, okay?” “We’ll see,” Brian said. “We’ll just have to see how this all plays out, Alex.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian got into his car and started the trek across town. He picked up the phone and dialed Justin. “Hey,” Justin said, as he picked up after one ring. “Hey, yourself,” Brian answered. “What’re you doing?” “I’m in my studio, standing in front of a blank canvas, trying to get inspired.” “Any luck?” “No; not really.” “Where’s Gus?” “He’s in town with Debbie. She called earlier and asked if he’d like to have lunch, go to a movie and do some shopping.” “That was nice of her,” Brian said. “So, you’re free?” “I guess so, what’s on your mind?” “How about meeting me at the loft? Stop at the Thai place on your way in. We can have some lunch and then maybe I can inspire you with my naked body?” “You are ever the romantic, Brian…how can I refuse such an offer?” “Okay, I’ll see you in a bit,” Brian answered, smiling. “Sunshine?” “Yes?” “Don’t even bother with the underwear, okay?” Justin laughed and hung up. He left the studio and went to his room to change. Brian seemed to be in a better mood. Justin knew he was none too happy this morning when he left. His radar was telling him that Brian was definitely not impressed with his lackluster performance in the shower earlier today. He would have to redeem himself at the loft to make up for that. He actually was looking forward to their date. It would be a chance for him to discuss his thoughts with Brian some more and maybe this could all be resolved today. He threw on a pair of tight black jeans, going commando in deference to Brian’s request. He brushed his teeth, ran a brush quickly through his hair, then shook it out again, leaving it disheveled and messy around his face, the way Brian liked it. A grey sweater and black jacket completed the look and he made his way out the door and down the stairs to the kitchen. Max was on his cell phone and he quickly hung up as soon as Justin walked through the door. He seemed a little flustered, as if he had been caught doing something wrong. “Hey Max,” Justin said. “Is everything okay?” “Sure Mr. J,” Max said, unable to look him in the eye. “Really? You don’t seem okay.” “I’m fine,” Max said, smiling sheepishly. “I was just talking to someone and I was a little distracted.” “Max! You’ve met somebody?” Justin said, completely surprised. “Yeah,” Max answered with this dreamy look. Justin watched him and was delighted that he seemed genuinely excited about this person he had just met. He and Brian had talked about the fact that Max never really dated or prowled the back rooms. Brian couldn’t understand how someone so hot wouldn’t be doing that. Justin figured he just hadn’t met anyone he was interested in and he didn’t pry. He felt it was none of their business. “Good for you, Max! Are you seeing him again tonight?” The blush crept up Max’s face and Justin was amused to see the reaction to his question. “I hope so,” Max answered. “Anyone we know?” Justin asked, as he started to head towards the door. Max turned around and faced the window over the sink so Justin couldn’t see his face. “I don’t think so, Mr. J.” Justin stopped in his tracks, definitely intrigued. Max was clearly lying. He wondered who he was seeing, and why didn’t Max want him to know? Hopefully it wasn’t somebody who would hurt him. Max was a great guy and deserved the best. He would hate to see him hook up with the wrong person. “Well, I’m off to meet Brian. You can reach me on my cell if you need anything while I’m in town.” “Is Gus going to be home for dinner, Mr. J?” Max asked. “I doubt it. Debbie’s kidnapped him for the day and she’ll probably stuff him with her lasagna until he pukes. You don’t have to worry about dinner for anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.” “In that case, you think I can leave a little earlier today? We were hoping to catch a movie and dinner afterwards?” Justin smiled at Max. He looked like a teenager going on a first date. “Go for it, Max, leave as early as you want. You know, you’re going to have to break down and tell us who it is,” Justin said, looking at Max’s big brown eyes. “I will bug you mercilessly until you do.” Max laughed when he heard that. “Give it some time, boss. I’ll tell you, if it ever gets serious enough.” “Okay, have it your way. But, be careful…there are lots of assholes out there. I don’t want to see you get hurt,” he said, genuinely wishing Max the best. “Thanks, Mr. J. So far, this guy’s been great!” Justin looked at him and raised his eyebrows. TBC