A million thanks to my beta , Shellie, who is not only the world's best beta, but also a wonderful new friend. Hell Week, Chapter 16 It was early Sunday morning. They had left the dance around midnight and all three of them had been too tired to say much in the car on the way home. Gus sat in the back seat and stared dreamily out the window. Brian kept looking at him in the rear view mirror but didn’t say a word. He knew Gus would tell him when he was ready. When they got home Gus kissed them both good night, grabbed the house phone and made his way upstairs to his bedroom. Brian and Justin sat around and watched TV for a little bit then decided to call it a night. Five hours later Brian was wide awake again because his damn internal clock thought it was a work day. He turned over to look at Justin who was still fast asleep. He was on his back with his arms spread eagle, hogging the bed as usual. The duvet had slipped down below his waist revealing his naked chest and part of his stomach with its sparse layer of soft blond hair. Brian couldn’t help but stare; Justin’s beauty always did that to him. Even after being together for so many years. Brian tried very hard to lie still and not wake him, but his hands seemed to have a will of their own and he slowly reached over to caress Justin’s chest, remembering when the love-struck teenager had put that silly nipple ring on to impress him. The ring had long since gone, but Brian remembered. Justin’s breathing instantly changed as soon as Brian’s hand started roaming. Brian slid closer and pressed his face to Justin’s ear. “If I promise to be quiet, can I enter your beautiful tight ass and fuck the shit out of you?” “Ever the romantic,” Justin answered sleepily, still with his eyes closed. He turned over slowly, causing the duvet to slip down even farther, revealing parts of his body that always made Brian’s breathing hitch. The gorgeous ass that he was lusting after was now naked and exposed, ready to be taken. Justin felt Brian’s hands caressing and kneading. He let him massage and stroke, enjoying all the sensations in his dreamy state. He could feel his body responding automatically, the moans and whimpers coming out of his throat without warning. He felt his erection pressing into the mattress underneath him, even as he willed himself to lie still and enjoy this for as long as possible. He tried to move his hand down towards his dick to stroke himself but Brian stopped him, holding on to him tightly, enveloping him in his arms like a blanket. Brian trailed wet kisses around Justin’s shoulder blades while his hands continued to stroke and caress up and down his arms. He moved his lips up to Justin’s neck, blowing gently near his ear as he slowly made his way around finding Justin’s beautiful pink mouth as it opened eagerly, wanting to taste and explore. Justin felt Brian’s tongue delving into all corners, probing and invading. Brian’s kisses always made him dizzy with desire; they were enough to keep him in a state of permanent arousal. Sometimes he enjoyed the kissing more than anything else; the intimacy of having his lover’s mouth possessing him was a huge turn on for him and very often, more than enough for Justin. Brian lapped at Justin’s lips, marking him with saliva, biting and nibbling, enjoying it as if it were his last supper. Justin’s breathing became more erratic, his body reacting to Brian’s ministrations. His erection was straining against him, begging to be touched and stroked, yet Brian continued to hold him in his vice, keeping Justin’s hands far away. Justin was aware of everything, caught somewhere in between an intense erotic dream and wakefulness. He vaguely heard the sound of the lube cap being snapped open. He heard the liquid squirt into Brian’s hand as he held it for a minute, warming the gel. Finally, Brian’s hand started to move again, closer and closer to Justin’s hole, all the while his mouth continued to wreak havoc on Justin’s neck and back. Justin was squirming, rutting the mattress, wanting to touch himself so badly. Brian smeared the lube around Justin’s hole, then slowly inserted a finger, than two, to get him ready. Justin was more than ready, lifting up on all fours, begging to be fucked. Brian knelt in between Justin’s legs, pulling his ass up towards him, positioning him, getting ready to enter. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” Justin asked, not hearing the familiar ripping of foil. “I don’t think so, Sunshine,” Brian answered so quietly that Justin could barely hear him. Opening his eyes in shock, Justin went rigid. “Oh-my-God!” Brian stopped moving when he heard Justin exclaim. He had not meant to do this today. He had not meant to do this, ever. Justin had asked him for years to forego the condoms and do it raw, but he had never given in. He seemed to have this horrible mental block about it; a fear that he would infect Justin, even thought he knew that he had been monogamous. Neither one of them had looked at anyone else, much less touched another since they had put their wedding rings on so many years ago. But, in light of recent events, and the fact that they could have all been dead today, he felt that now was the right time. He knew how important this was to Justin. He always thought that if he ever gave in to him, it would be with much fanfare, with some sort of condom shedding ceremony, as he had jokingly referred to the other day. Somehow though, the thought of doing anything like that was completely abhorrent to him. To have sex raw was more than experiencing a new sensation. It was the ultimate gift of trust that they could give each other. He didn’t want to sully it with any kind of meaningless ritual or to mock it in any way. Justin continued to hold himself in, tightening against Brian, not daring to move. “Brian, are you sure about this?” he asked, with his forehead pressed into the pillow. “I’ve never been surer of anything, Sunshine.” “Then let me turn over, please. I want to look into your face while we’re doing this, okay?” Brian moved off Justin and waited for him to get ready. Justin turned and lay on his back, staring at Brian. He had gone from half asleep to intensely awake in zero seconds. He knew that Brian was waiting to see if he was going to stop this. Justin was clearly in shock, not prepared for anything that was about to happen. Brian pressed his lips to Justin’s, moaning into his mouth, saying, ‘I love you’, never meaning it more than he did at that moment. Justin’s mind was reeling. He never expected this day to ever happen. For years he had begged Brian to get rid of the condoms, never understanding the fear or the doubts. Justin knew that he was committed to their union, knew that there had never been anyone else for him since he was seventeen years old. He had stopped tricking as soon as he left New York City and had never looked back. They each had blood drawn every six months to confirm they were healthy, even though it was a moot point as neither one of them had slept with another man for years. Still, they continued with the routine, to satisfy Brian and reassure him that all was well. But this week had been another turning point for them. Lisa’s actions and their subsequent reactions had only reinforced to them how tentative life was. How everything could change in a minute. How one twist of fate could mean the difference between life and death. There would be no more waiting for ‘a better time’. The time to show the ultimate commitment was now, and Justin understood that this is what Brian was trying to tell him. They had had sex in a million different places, in a million different ways. There was nothing they had not done before. But today was different. Justin felt like he was seventeen again. The same feelings that he had experienced that night, when he had been taken into Brian’s bed for the first time, were rushing at him once again; the excitement, intertwined with the fear of the unknown. He looked at Brian’s face as it hovered above him, seeing him as if it were the first time. The face of God. Justin remembered the thoughts that were going through his mind all those years ago, the first time he lay beneath Brian. He remembered wondering if he was doing the right thing, if Brian would be gentle. He had been the most beautiful man Justin had ever seen then. Fourteen years later, he still was. Brian watched Justin’s face as the conflicting emotions played out. He never tired of looking at him, of seeing those blue eyes turn two shades darker as the passion took over. Justin’s lips were red and moist, already starting to swell from the assault of Brian’s mouth and tongue. Brian looked at him and softly said, “Ready?” Justin barely nodded as he felt Brian lift his left leg and place it gently on his shoulder, following that with his right leg. He had him in the exact same position that he was in fourteen years ago, trusting and vulnerable. The excitement of the unknown was a feeling long forgotten by both of them, but suddenly it was here, resurrected. For Brian there was no need to wonder any longer as he slid into Justin, reveling in a new sensation that was almost too intense to bear. The freedom of having no barriers to mask any of the feelings was unbelievable! It didn’t seem possible that sex with Justin could get any better, but it had. As he felt him tighten around his shaft the pleasure was so powerful it made him cry out. “Jesus,” Brian moaned as he threw his head back, lost in the incredible softness that surrounded him. “Brian,” was all Justin could manage to say. He was drowning in the sensations. It was too much; it was everything he had dreamed of yet unlike anything he had ever imagined. He held his breath as Brian moved back and forth, bringing them both closer. “Breathe, Sunshine,” Brian said to him as they moved in unison. “I love you, Brian,” Justin whispered, as his tears flowed, unbidden. “You…are…my…life!” Brian moaned, unable to stretch this out any longer. The pleasure was too all-consuming, a force too powerful to stop as he reached the end and began to rush unheeded into Justin. Justin felt Brian pulsing into him for the first time, the feeling unfamiliar, wonderful and new. He came almost simultaneously, spilling himself all over Brian’s chest. “Brian,” Justin whispered as he lay there, spent, taking in great gulps of air, trying to get his sanity back. “For better or worse, Sunshine?” Brian said, panting, destroyed. Justin lay beneath a half-dead Brian, still feeling him inside him, still connected in the most intimate way. He pulled Brian’s left hand up to his face and looked at the wedding ring that he had worn for many years now. He gently twisted the ring off Brian’s finger and inspected it closely, admiring the beauty of the design with the two diamond hearts intertwined in the band of gold. He kissed Brian’s hand and slid the ring back on his finger. “Till death, Brian,” Justin whispered emotionally. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mel and Lindsay’s plane touched down at six that evening. Brian, Justin and Gus stood in the arrival area, waiting for them to come out with their baggage. Soon the sliding doors moved open and Jenny came out, clutching a Barbie in one hand and a pink backpack in the other. Mel and Lindsay followed closely behind. “Gussie!” Jenny yelled as she spied her brother and ran up to him. She jumped up into his arms and he caught her, twirling her around and laughing at their familiar ritual. “How are you, you little brat? I missed you.” “Really?” Jenny replied, looking up at her brother adoringly. Gus moved over to Lindsay, kissing her on the cheek. He then walked over to Mel and did the same thing. “Hi, sweetheart,” Lindsay said. “Are you feeling okay?” “I’m fine, Mom, never better,” Gus said looking his mother straight in the eye. Lindsay stared at her son. He was different somehow. He looked the same physically, but something had changed and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. In the car on the way home they went over the events of the last few days, leaving out all the parts that involved Lisa and the incident at home. Jenny Rebecca didn’t need to hear any of it and so they decided to shelve that conversation for later. “Are you guys’ hungry?” Justin asked. “We ate on the plane, for whatever that’s worth.” Melanie replied. “I’m still hungry, Mama,” Jenny said to Mel. “Sure you are Hon, you’re a bottomless pit. I swear, for someone as tiny as you are, you sure can pack away the food!” Lindsay laughed and looked at her daughter lovingly. “She’s a growing girl Mel, soon she’s going to be eleven. Before you know it we’ll have a young lady on our hands.” “And I want to be a cheerleader when I grow up,” Jenny announced to everyone. “Jesus Christ,” Brian moaned from the front seat. “That’s cool, Jen,” Gus said. “Maybe by the time I’m a senior you’ll be able to be one of the team members. That would be awesome!” “Whoa! Hold on a minute,” Melanie said, raising her hand in a stop signal. “It’ll be fine, Mel,” Lindsay said, taking hold of Melanie’s hand. “We’re looking at three or four years down the road. Let’s not get too excited yet, okay?” They pulled into the driveway and everyone got out of the car. Gus and Justin grabbed the suitcases while Brian, Melanie and Lindsay walked around the property, checking out the area near the garage. Jenny had dashed into the house ahead of Gus and Justin. “Other than the black marks on that one section of the garage there doesn’t seem to be that much damage,” Brian said to them as they proceeded with the inspection. “You guys were incredibly lucky,” Melanie said. “I hope that bitch fries in Hell.” “I think she already has,” Brian said without cracking a smile. “We’ll have to make a decision about any charges that we file. I told them I would have to discuss this with you and Lindsay before we do anything,” Brian said. “Damn straight,” Melanie said. “Brian,” Lindsay asked. What is going to happen to her?” “From what I understand, they’re going to transfer her to the state mental facility as soon as her wounds heal. That may take months though, because she suffered third degree burns over most of her lower body.” “God, that sounds horrible!” Lindsay said. “It was horrible,” Brian said quietly. “Well, I for one think she’s been punished enough,” Lindsay said. “If they put her away in an institution, I’m willing to forego the attempted murder charge.” “Well, I’m not!” Melanie said. “This could have been so much worse, Lindsay, we need to make sure she is punished and put away.” “Let’s go in the house and talk about it some more,” Brian said. “We don’t need to decide anything right this minute.” “But we do need to come to a decision before you and Justin leave,” Melanie said. “What time is your flight, Brian?” Lindsay asked. “Not until nine-thirty tomorrow. And I’ve already made arrangements for a Limo to come pick us up at seven. That way you ladies can stay in bed, doing your nasty Lezzi things to each other.” “Brian!” Mel and Lindsay exclaimed in unison. “Just kidding!” Brian said, laughing and trying to get everyone out of this dark mood they were in. In the house, Justin, Gus and Jenny were in the kitchen preparing a light dinner of soup and sandwiches for everyone. The atmosphere in the kitchen was easygoing and carefree; the exact opposite of the gloominess that Brian, Lindsay and Melanie had come in from. Brian moved over to Justin and kissed him on the mouth. He lingered a minute longer than he normally would have, running his thumb across Justin’s cheek and moving up to his ear whispering, “I love you”. “Christ, you two! Don’t you ever get enough of each other?” Melanie asked. “Never,” Justin said, looking at Brian and smiling. “You know,” Lindsay said, “For a couple that’s been together as long as you have, you sure are acting like newlyweds.” Brian and Justin looked at each other and smiled knowingly. “We are,” Justin replied. “Huh?” Melanie asked. “Never mind,” Brian answered. The six of them sat down for dinner and proceeded to demolish the soup and sandwiches that had been prepared. Conversation was lighthearted and fun. They discussed Nancy Peterson’s recovery and moved on to Jenny’s long visit with Michael and the Professor. Little Jenny regaled them with stories of her adventures with Grandma Debbie and Hunter’s kids. Her little motor mouth kept on going as she looked and sounded alarmingly like her father and grandmother. Brian watched her and couldn’t help being reminded of Michael. “So, Gus,” Melanie asked. “How was your first dance? Did you have a good time?” Gus looked at his mothers and slowly started changing color. “Yeah, Gus,” Brian said with a big shit-eating grin on his face, “How was your first dance?” “Dad!” Gus said looking at Brian imploringly. “It was fun, Mama, I had a really good time,” Gus replied, dead pan. “Great!” Melanie said. “Did you dance?” Lindsay asked. “Sort of,” Gus answered. “Really. Who with?” Lindsay asked again. “Oh, this girl named Ashley,” Gus said, turning a brighter shade of pink. “Do I know her?” Linds asked. “No. We just met, Mom. She’s a cheerleader.” “Oh.” “Well, what did you and Brian do at the dance, Justin? Did you guys have to prepare the food or basically just stand around and watch the kids?” Lindsay asked. “It was a lot of standing around and watching,” Justin said. “Did they have a full dinner, or was it just appetizers and deserts?” Lindsay asked again, trying to get more details from the men who seemed to be having issues communicating. “Yeah, Gus,” Brian asked looking directly at his son. “What was on the menu that night?” Gus looked at his father, gave up and laughed. “Smores, Dad. Lot’s and lot’s of Smores.” Brian looked at Gus and gave him a huge smile. “Excellent,” he said. Lindsay and Melanie looked at each other, completely confused by the conversation. Lindsay looked from Gus to Brian, than back to Gus again. She realized that what she was seeing was the new thing in Gus that she noticed earlier at the airport and couldn’t quite pinpoint. There was a quiet confidence about him, a maturity that hadn’t been there last week. The look in his eyes had changed too. The innocence seemed to have shifted a little, there was a new awareness about him, an edginess, reminiscent of the look that Brian had. It wasn’t quite as hard, but his look had definitely changed. Whatever had happened this week had brought that about, she thought to herself. This was one week in her son’s life that she and Mel had missed out on. However, it was a week that seemed to have brought Brian, Justin and Gus a lot closer, despite the one tragedy that had occurred. They stood up from the kitchen table and each one of them moved off to finish whatever they needed to before going to bed. Justin helped Jenny and Melanie put the kitchen back in order. Gus went upstairs, with the house phone, as usual. Brian and Lindsay went off to the family room to sit and watch the news for a while. “Hey,” Brian said to Lindsay. “We’ll abide with whatever you and Mel decide. But I’m leaning towards dropping the whole murder rap and going with all the lesser charges. That’s how Justin feels too.” “I know, Brian. I have to agree with you on this one, even though I wanted to kill her myself when you called yesterday morning.” “Well, let me know. We’ll be back again in the next couple months, at least four times to watch Gus’ home games, so I’ll be around.” “Okay,” Lindsay said. She looked at him and said, “Thank you for doing this Brian. For being here for our son this week.” Brian looked at her and said, “Linds, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Thank you for letting us come and trusting us with him.” He stood up and went over to hug her. “I’m going upstairs to say goodbye to Gus. He’ll be asleep when we leave tomorrow.” “Okay,” she said. On his way upstairs he passed Justin who was just leaving Gus’ room. “Great minds…” “I know,” Justin replied. “I wanted to get the goodbye out of the way so I can start packing. He’s all yours.” Entering the room he saw that Gus had the TV on and was lying in bed watching. “Hey, Sonny Boy. I just came to say good-bye. We’re leaving early and I didn’t want to disturb your beauty sleep tomorrow.” Gus looked up and smiled at his Dad. “Dad, come and sit for a minute.” Now what? “I just wanted to say thanks,” Gus said, as Brian sat at the foot of the bed. “For being here this week and helping me get through this.” “Gus, you did most of this on your own.” “Maybe. But I know that having you and ‘Daddy J’ here made it a lot easier. And, Dad?” Gus said, as he grabbed his father’s hand. “What, Gus?” “Thanks again. For the whole ‘Smores’ thing.” He looked at Brian with a very, very familiar lip biting grin. “It was amazing!” Brian ruffled Gus’ hair and laughed out loud. “Amazing, huh?” “Incredible, Dad.” Brian stood up to go. “One last thing, Gus. Even though this thing with Kevin is over, you should watch your back. It’s always best to be careful and never let your guard down.” “Remember what I’ve always said, there are only two kinds of straight people…oh, wait,” Brian stopped, looking at Gus, “I guess in your case, this doesn’t really apply.” “It doesn’t in yours either Dad, not anymore,” Gus said, looking up at his father. “How’s that?” Brian asked, puzzled. Gus looked at him. “There’s a third kind of straight person in your life now, Dad…the kind that loves you, to your face.” Brian’s heart lurched when he heard this. He felt the tears gathering at the back of his eyes and he stared at Gus for the longest time. For the first time in his life Brian had no smart rebuttal, no sarcastic come back; no way of denying or hiding the fact that Gus was right. Love was radiating out of the beautiful, straight, hazel eyes that looked at him. Brian reached over and pulled Gus up off the bed and into his arms. He held him quietly, willing away the tears that were threatening to overflow. The End. Authors Note: Anger is an emotional state that varies from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Anger can be caused by both internal and external events. You could be mad at your boss, or your anger could be caused by worrying about personal or financial problems or you may have recurring memories from past traumatic events that cause angry feelings. The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats and a certain amount of anger is necessary for our survival. On the other hand we can’t physically lash out at everything or everyone that irritates or annoys us. The laws of the land and society forbid this. Most anger problems stem from the inability to express feelings in an assertive manner. To do this one has to make clear what their needs are and how to get them met without hurting anyone; being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding. It means being respectful of yourself and others. The key word being respect. Unexpressed anger can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior. Being angry at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on. Or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and is constantly putting others down, criticizing everything and making cynical comments, not having learned how to express themselves constructively. Not surprisingly these people aren’t likely to have very successful relationships. Anger management is unfortunately, a very real and very common problem, seen very often in women for a variety of reasons. The worst case scenarios can lead to women murdering their children for no apparent reason. In milder forms, women take their anger out on themselves, being depressed, having eating disorders, becoming reclusive or the opposite; turning promiscuous and leading double lives. Lisa O’Riley is a fictitious character based on a lovely woman I knew years ago, when I was very involved in youth sports. Although Lisa’s actions were extreme and had nothing to do with my friend, her anger issues were similar. I wanted to address this to anyone out there who has a friend, a co-worker or a loved one with this problem, who is afraid to get help or who doesn’t even realize they need it. There are organizations and support groups that are readily available with many ways of helping deal with anger management issues. Contacting the American Psychological Association or any medical facility or mental health physician will lead you to the right people and start you on your journey to healing.