A/N: This was my qaf_challenges entry over on LJ and the challenge was to write a Xmas/NY B/J story. Anyway, the timeline of this story is Christmas/New Year of 2006, because this is mostly AU (occasional slips into the canon are possible). Please, beware of the schmoop and just know that a death of the minor character is mentioned. *sigh* Also, might seem OOC at times to some, but I tried to hold them within the limits of their characters as much as AU allowed me. ;) Finally, I just wanna thank my beta Kat for everything. You are simply the best, hon. *grins* Happy belated New Year to everyone! :)
***
Present:
The first time Brian meets Justin Taylor is anything but romantic. And even though Brian runs from any sort of romantic notion like the Devil himself is right on his tail, at that particular moment he wishes for anything but what almost happened.
It's that passing look to the other side of the street at the worst possible time, that almost gives him something he never looked for and nearly takes all that he ever really had. A partner...lover...for a son. Not exactly a fair exchange. But still, nonetheless, it happens right there, on the busy New York street. A newly decorated Christmas tree a block away beckons rivers of people into its embrace, all big, shiny and important. To Brian, it seems like a poke in the eye, but he was never one to accuse mere mortals of anything remotely close to a good taste, so he just shrugs within.
His attention is drawn to the toy store’s window, where a beautiful gold train set choo-choos happily through the artificial snow covered mountain.
“Gus...How would you like, if your old man bought you something like this? Son?” A whoosh of cold air hits him and a car horn breaks him out of his reverie. For a moment, all he hears in his ears is the rampant beating of his heart and the scream that stays lodged in his lungs, almost afraid that if it actually comes out, he'll never be able to stop screaming. So instead, he feels like he died a little inside and again, was reborn, all in one simultaneous moment in time.
“Oh my God...GUS!!! Are you all right? Sonny boy?” He plucks his son out of the stranger's arms, while silent panic streaks through his body, his every muscle only a shiver of a hardly contained tremor, a barely hidden horror the last thing his hazel eyes registered. His slim fingers check all of the boy's limbs, verify that all toes and fingers are still alive and well, that all is just as it was the night that the nurse placed Gus in his arms.
Finally satisfied, he holds the little boy's body impossibly close to his and thanks the God, who wrote him off his list decades ago, for sending this young man on their path. Brian never believed in destiny before, but who is he to fight something like this, something this glaringly obvious. So just to be safe, he leaves the place where his doubts dwell empty for that maybe, just as his eyes fall on the bright face of a young blond, his cornfield blue eyes staring right back at him.
And he knows that he's staring destiny in the eyes, but he's not afraid. Not this time.
***
Past:
A 6-year old Brian, all big eyes and a mop of brown hair, wakes up and tumbles down the stairs on Christmas morning. He's the youngest child in the Kinney family and the boys in his class tease him mercilessly about being a big baby. But he is not a baby, because Claire told him so and she knows stuff. She will always be on his side, a thought flies through his mind as he discovers two neatly wrapped gifts under the small Christmas tree. He kneels down, as his small hands tear through the gift paper to what he hopes is inside. When he finally unwraps the 10x10 box containing a small gold train set, his eyes light up at his mom and Claire, as they descend down the stairs. His dad is nowhere to be seen, but still, at that moment, he's the happiest 6-year old in the whole wide world.
***
Present:
Brian relinquishes his precious cargo, when the squirming of his son's little body becomes somewhat uncomfortable. (Or when his little boy's roguish shoes jab one too many times at his jeans covered crotch. There are just some things that bring even the strongest man to his knees. Well, other than a good blowjob, that is.)
“Daddy...Down!” At six years, his son is a man in his own right. He knows exactly what he wants and when he wants it and he isn't afraid to tell you so. (“Like father, like son, Linds. Let's just hope that he, at least, inherited some of your personality...” The truth is, Brian never liked Lindsay's wife very much, but his entire life changed one the rainy night, when she was run off the road by a drunk driver. Just how much, he didn't really know until six months later, when he went to visit his little boy and found an empty bottle of sleeping pills beside Lindsay's lifeless body. A 3-year old Gus sleeping quietly in his bed).
He plants the boy on the ground, but refuses to let him get away. His left hand rests on the boy's small shoulder reassuringly, as he extends his right one to greet the blond, who still watches his every move.
“Shit...How can I thank you, Mr. -?” The blond smiles and Brian almost has to cover his eyes at the honesty that shines on that pale face.
“Taylor. It's Justin Taylor, but don't worry. I just did what any guy would do in this situation.” He answers, while an ambulance is heard couple blocks away, reminding Brian what he almost lost. His hand shudders slightly in Justin's and reluctantly, he pulls his hand back and plants it on Gus’s free shoulder.
“I highly doubt that, Mr. Taylor. Most people aren't that altruistic. Trust me, I know. It's my business to know that.” Brian sees the unspoken question in the blond's eyes and he smirks.
“I work in advertising. You know...Somebody's gotta keep the economy afloat. And what better way than to get people to buy presents they'd never buy for the people that they don't like, right?” He grins finally, his heart rate normalising with each new breath taken.
“And who is this fine young man here?” Brian looks down at the adoring eyes of his son, not even realising that his eyes see that little boy the same way. The rest of the world has been aware of that for awhile now.
“This is Gus, my son...Say hi to Justin, sonny boy.” The small replica of Brian extends his small hand to the blond, who takes it into his own, a bright smile on his face yet again.
“Hi.” Gus says meekly, his brown eyes studying Justin's blue ones. Brian acknowledges inwardly that he never saw eyes that blue before, but what he's supposed to do with that thought, he's not entirely sure. He just knows that he doesn't want Justin Taylor to leave yet, so he does something he never thought he'd do.
“Listen, since you're acting as if you didn't do anything special, let us buy you a cup of coffee or something. Deal?” Justin flashes a toothy grin at the duo and Brian can't help but return it, as the three of them slowly turn to walk down the sidewalk to the nearby coffeeshop. And at the first sight, it looks like an innocent cup of jo, but it feels new and so...possible.
Brian wishes he had the will to run the other way.
***
Past:
Brian's 14th birthday comes and goes in the Kinney house and nobody bates an eye at the cigarette burn on his right arm or the fact that his lip is split. When Michael calls him two days before Christmas and asks him if he wants to spend the holidays at his house, Brian ignores the raging beating of his heart at the possibility of spending few days somewhere that's not his hellhole of a house. (“Home is where your heart is, Brian. Never forget that.” his grandma used to say.)
He knows his father will hit and run again if he doesn't accept Michael's offer. He also knows that his mom will look the other way, when Jack's fist hits him. That no matter how many Hail Mary's she whispers while he bleeds down there on the floor, her God won't lift a fucking finger to help him. That this is his life and he doesn't deserve anything better. Jack did his very best to slam that knowledge into his already broken body right from the birth.
Later, when Brian finally is sitting down at Michael's kitchen table with his mother Debbie and her brother Vic, he feels a little lost. It's not because of them or the fact that this nerdy, geeky brown eyed boy might very well become his best friend in time. No, it's because Deb's eyes fill with tears at the sight of his split lip and that he can hear the soft murmurs of the siblings in the other room, as they try to think of a way to help him. Virtual strangers, who seem to actually care what happens to him. But even though Brian doesn't know how long he can dodge Jack's fists, nobody can really help him. Because Jack Kinney is his damn father. How exactly do you escape that kind of a cosmic joke?
***
Present:
A month goes by and Brian still can't believe how fast Justin Taylor becomes someone irreplaceable in his and Gus's life. He doesn't even realise when the occasional coffee turns into a joint breakfast. Until it happens, that is. Because Brian isn't really the type for dates or breakfasts. Still, when he wakes up one morning before Justin, he doesn't question the fact that he kinda likes to have the blond there or that the quiet way Justin's chest move with his every breath relaxes him. His fingertips trace down the alabaster skin of their own accord and Brian can almost feel the heart stopping burn, the scorching just beneath the skin, that this contact makes. But he doesn't care, because then Justin opens his eyes and smiles at him sleepily. Brian can't even remember anymore what he was worrying about. He just enjoys the view.
***
Past:
At 21, Brian is a force to be reckoned with. He's smart and sharp as a knife, refusing to cut anyone that comes his way any slack. His grades are stellar and he can already see himself as a CEO of his own advertising company. Everyone tries to pull him down to Earth, to silence his ambition to an average level, but Brian was never average and God help him, he never will be. He already fucked every fuckable guy on the campus, but he kicks them out of his bed the moment he pulls his cock out of their asses. Until he meets the most uptight girl, who fights his Kinney commandments on every single step. Little princess's name is Lindsay and she annoys the living shit out of him.
Because Lindsay Peterson is smart and sharp as a knife, even though she is a WASP through and through. There is just something inexplicably attractive about the way she kicks his butt and disagrees on every little thing he says. One night, after she breaks up with her latest girlfriend and they binge on booze and pot for a whole weekend straight, they sleep together. It's a drunken affair and three days later, they act as if they don't even know each other, until Brian puts a stop to it by dragging Lindsay into the campus coffeeshop and reclaiming their positions as best friends.
Six month later, Melanie Marcus comes into the picture and Brian dislikes her at first sight and the feeling is mutual, but there isn't much he wouldn't do for Linds, including tolerating her new girlfriend. After all, Lindsay will get bored with the girl in six months tops. There's absolutely nothing to be worried about.
***
Present:
A whole year flies by and Brian does his best to ignore how good life with Justin is. He just goes with the flow. Gus is completely enamored with the blond and acts sometimes like Justin walks on water, but Brian is unable to see anything wrong with that particular notion. If he's brutally honest with himself, he kind of...likes Justin. Of course, such confession will leave his mouth when Hell freezes over.
By now, Justin is half moved in into Brian's Manhattan loft, but strangely, Brian's mostly alright with it all. Lately, he's been alright with a lot of things. Not that he sees them marching down the fucking isle in matching Vera Vangs or anything, but for now, things are...well, alright. He's almost happy even and he hasn't been happy for a really long time now.
He likes the way it feels.
***
Past:
His 30th birthday is something Brian will never forget. After months of Lindsay pleading and planning, he finally gets the call. Lindsay is in labor and he'll be a dad soon.
When he hears it, Brian is torn between being ecstatic and scared shitless, but he won't admit it to anyone. And he's so fucking cool and collected when he strolls inside Lindsay's hospital room, Michael on his trail. (“We're best friends, Mikey. Always and forever. Nothing more and nothing less.”) In that moment, he is a picture of the adult everyone always wanted him to be, but who he never actually was. Until he takes his little boy into his hands. His son. This small, helpless human being, that will, in time, look at him for a role model, ask for his guidance.
He's not sure that he's up to the task. There's so much he can do wrong, so many ways he can screw up his own kid the way Jack and Joan screwed up him and his sister. But there is no going back now. Only forward, no matter what happens. (“Don't be scared. Hell, if our parents could fuck up, so can we.” Lindsay whispers and he believes her. Nobody is sinless before God.)
***
Present:
Brian works on his latest campaign, that Kinnetik Inc. is planning to launch in a few days, when he hears the loft door open and close. Thirty seconds later and Gus is standing in front of him. Brian looks up and smiles at the 8-year old, but he doesn't get the expected response. Gus just watches him silently.
“What's wrong, sonny boy? No hug for your old man?” Gus finally smiles and let's himself to be pulled close into his father's embrace, but he can see that the boy's attention is on the kitchen area, where Justin is trying very desperately to make something edible and not burn the whole place down. The array of curses and a whole lot of pot banging somehow tells Brian that his lover is not doing so well on that front.
“Tell me, Gus. What's the matter? Did something happen in school today?” Gus shakes his head.
“So what's wrong then?” Slowly, Gus bends closer and whispers into Brian's ear.
“Dad...Is Justin now my other dad?” Brian raises an eyebrow at the question.
“Well, do you want him to be?” Gus looks in the direction of the kitchen again and nods with a small smile.
“I really like him, Dad. He doesn't treat me like I'm a baby.” Brian smiles back at the boy, his gaze falling on the man, who has been his lover for the last two years.
“Yeah, I kinda like him too, sonny boy. So, I guess we'll now have to keep him with us forever, won't we?” Gus nods seriously.
“Did you ask Justin about it?” Gus shakes his head.
“Do you want to?” Gus looks at Justin, who just realised that Gus arrived home.
“Not yet, dad. Can we keep it a secret for now?” Brian smiles at his own flesh and blood.
“Sure, son. Why don't you go and say hi to Justin now?” As soon as he says the words, he sees Gus running across the loft and throwing himself into Justin's arms. Justin laughs at the boy's antics, but still holds the small body close to his own.
“You OK, Gus?” The boy nods, his nose buried into Justin's neck, making Justin forget that his 26-year old knees will be killing him later when he stands up.
“I'm just happy you're here with us, Jus.” Justin hopes he won't start leaking like a silly little faggot, that his father labeled him as, but hearing those words straight from the boy's mouth makes him seriously doubt any hopes of that being true.
“I'm happy I'm here too, Gus. Very happy.” And his gaze immediately finds Brian's across the room. That's how it's been right from the moment they met and Brian can finally breathe freely. He can just relax and let himself be happy. Finally, after all these years he knows that all those words, that Jack said about him not being enough to be loved by anyone, were just that. Words.
And he's so much stronger than that now. Words can't touch him anymore.
Because he is loved.
THE END