(A/N: I want to first of all Thank you all for comments on how I can improve my story and I hope I did. I want to Thank everyone for all your wonderful reviews and comments. Gerri, Thank you for always supporting me and dealing with my DQ moments and yes I have them. : ) (sorry about all the confusion I had to fix somethings.) It has been three weeks since I found out that I was positive and it has been two weeks since I left. I know it horrible but I couldn't stay there anymore. I love Brian to much to make him seem through all of this. I ran he was work and I packed my shit and literally ran out of the loft to the bus depo. I know he is better off to watch his boyfriend...lover or whatever I am to him slowly die. Brian I haven't seen Justin in two weeks. I could have sworn that he was getting better with dealing being positive but I guess not. I came home one day two weeks ago and he was gone. Everything...I mean why the fuck would he leave? I bet he thought he was doing it for my own god damn good but fuck that shit I want to be with him no matter what....Yes, I love the little fucker! Flashback:Two weeks ago in the loft Justin sitting on the couch in the middle of the night, staring out in to the emptiness of the dark blue sky through the window. For some reason moon wasn't shining.... Brian comes down from the bedroom wondering where is partner has gone. Brian: Justin, What are you doing? (sits next to him on the couch) (Justin doesn't take his off the window)Nothing Brian:what are you doing up at the 4 in the morning? Justin:Couldn't sleep. Brian: Jus, I'm worried about you (Justin finally looks at Brian) Go back to bed Brian you have work in the morning...I'll be fine. Brian: you sure? Justin: (smiles a little) I promise..... Brian pov cont. That was the last time I talked to him, When I got up to get ready I noticed something weird that Justin was actually letting me hold him.... He hasn't since the rape. He has been so scared that if someone touches him or something that he freaks out, so I usually let make the move. We we are sitting on the couch together he will slowly come and lay on my lap and he will then put my hand on his head that is to single that he wants me to run my fingers through his hair. I mean, I knew he wouldn't be the same after the rape but he was getting better. I think everything change more drastically when he found out that he was positive. For some reason he withdrew more and no one I mean no one was allowed to touch him. It was killing me ....all of us really. Gus didn't understand why his Jus'n wouldn't hold him. How do you explain that to a two year old...the fear...I'm not really sure I even could. I know he feels like I wont want him...that I am better off with out him but let's be honest here we all know I'm not. Justin Pov I miss him..I hate that I miss him so much. I always thought I was strong that I could do anything then a bat to the head made me see I'm not invincible like I first thought. Now I am dealing with the rape and being positive. I know how to live with I guess but in some many ways I don't. Vic is amazing..no matter what you can't get him down. Ben is always happy no matter what he is dealing with maybe because he has Michael who they hell knows. I wish I could do that not think my life was over but I can't help it. In some ways I feel like I am waiting for another bad fucking thing to happen in my life. When I first found out I was in shock..I really wanted it to be a dream but of course it wasn't. I was okay if it was just Brian and I knowing it and dealing with it, and of course my mom..I didn't want to tell her but Brian said she had a right to know...so we told her. Let's just say my mom completely surprised us...she hugged me and told me she loved me no matter what and she will be there for me and then she hugged Brian and told him to take care of me and if needs someone to talk to she was there. I mean holy crap! So everything was fine until two weeks ago... Michael found out. It's after midnight and I'm laying in this room and all I wanted to do is call him. I could call..he'll probably be at Babylon... I can feel myself reach for the phone on the nightstand and I don't even have to look at the numbers that I know. The numbers to my lover of 3 years. No matter where I am I know I will always have Brian with me. Brian's Machine This is Brian, Leave a message *beep* Brian's POV I hear the answer machine kick on and I don't want to answer it ...I have no energy to handle our fucked up family. I'm so tried of the calls about how Justin became positive and where is he...I hear the beep and I except it to be from Deb or Lindsay but who I don't except is Justin's voice through the machine; Hey Bri, I know your not home...umm...I'm okay....I miss yo- Before Justin can even finish his message Brian runs to get the phone.... Brian:Justin, (silence) Brian: please Justin, say something Justin: why aren't you in Babylon? Brian: *smiles into the phone* didn't feel like it... Justin: oh, okay. I wanted to tell you I'm okay. Brian: Justin, why did you leave? I thought everything was going to be okay. Justin: I can't tell you Brian: Please Justin, tell me... Justin: No, I can't Brian: ( really didn't want to use this card but he felt he had to) Justin, you owe it to me... Justin looked at the phone like it was some sort of foreign object. He couldn't believe Brian used that line.....Well, fuck him. Justin: Fine Brian, you want to know why little Justin ran away...Ask your mother Fucking Best Friend *slams the phone down* Brian just stood in the loft completely in shock that Justin hung up on him. He excepted the yelling but the fact that he hung up on him..wait what did say....Mikey...what would have to do with anything...wait....Fuck Michael knows. I guess Mikey is going to get a visit tomorrow...Fuck tomorrow..Now Brian got his Jacket, Keys and Cell phone and stormed out of the loft and got in his car and drove over the Mikey's and Ben's place. He ran up the stairs to the rundown building where his best best friend lives. He didn't even knock he walked in. Michael: Brian, What the fuck? Brian pushed Michael against the wall Brian: You have 5 minutes to tell what the fuck you said to Justin? Michael: I didn't say anything to boy wonder.. Brian: Michael, that's the wrong answer I mean it, tell me what you said to him?