Matters of the Heart
By: LibertyChapter 1: The back-story



Justin

When I woke up this morning, I was a normal 20 year old. I was in school, I have a great family minus my dad but I had a family and friends who accepted me. 

Yep you guessed I’m gay. In theory everything was fine but in my reality everything was far from fine. You see I was born with transposition of the great vessels in my heart. I’m sure you want to what exactly does that mean. I’ll tell you… in a normal the vessels are right to left and then left to right but however in my heart it’s right to right and left to left. 

The first time I had heard about my heart I was four. I thought I was normal but that thought taken away from me when I had to stop doing gymnastics. I was on top of the world when we were about to start the uneven bars but I didn’t get to use them. Instead I had to go the hospital for major surgery. I didn’t understand but that’s what my parents told me…I remember sitting that big hospital asking why I was there and then I saw their faces, filled with tears.  I had never seen my parents cry before. I knew something was wrong that’s when my mom told me…

(Flashback 16 years ago)

Jennifer: sweetie, you’re going to have surgery.

Justin: Mommy, why? Am I sick?

Jennifer: Yes, sweetie…Your heart is sick and Dr. Zippo is going to help a little.

Justin: Am I going to die?

Craig: No, you’re not. You have a different heart and they going to put this battery in your heart called a pacemaker. You’re going to be fine.


(Present time)

That’s the last time I saw my dad. He went to get my mom a coffee from Starbucks across the street and was hit by a car. He died shortly after I was in surgery. Let’s just say that day was bitter sweet. After that day I stop believing that I was going to be okay. I had surgery and couldn’t move my right arm for six weeks. It’s hard for anyone to keep there arm still for six weeks but for a 4 year it’s almost impossible. I was broken hearted in more ways than one. I didn’t understand why I was allowed to live and my father had to die. I would to say that’s the end and I am perfectly fine but I’m not….

About 4 year’s later after my first surgery, I remember I discovered that it had been the second surgery You see my mother told me that the first one was when I was 6 months old. Because one night I stopped breathing and my heart almost stopped. So they had to cut me open right down the middle of my chest to get my heart back to the normal. 

Two months after my 9th birthday and just in time for Christmas I was told I had to have another pacemaker transplant because the battery was dying in the one I had. I wanted to die when the doctors told me …the different pill changes every two years. Not being able to play soccer or go to gym class. I had to live most life with safety wheels. School was hell.  I was asked if they touched my arm would my bones break or why I wasn’t normal. Only when I was 12 did I realize not only was I broken but I was gay too. I didn’t want pity….I didn’t want love cuz I didn’t believe in it. I wanted to die.




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