A/N: This story starts at the end of Season Five, Episode 11. It veers from canon once they get to the ‘Manor of Justin’s dreams…’What if Justin still did not accept Brian’s proposal after learning about the house? Disclaimer: I do not have any rights to anything you recognize in this story. I do not make any monies from these stories, and I do this for fun- no harm is intended. FYI, I will not be able to update this story until after December 16. However, I thought I’d whet your whistle with a taste of my new story. I hope you enjoy it! *crosses fingers* –LadyB “Who lives here?” Justin asked as he shut the door to the green Corvette. “We do,” Brian responded, tugging on Justin’s jacket to pull him closer to Brian and to the front door of the massive estate. “Huh?” Justin eloquently said to Brian’s response. He allowed himself to be pulled into the monster foyer of the house by Brian’s insisting tugging. Then, Brian urged him to take his coat off. Justin stripped the coat off and tossed it onto the mahogany banister of the impressive staircase that ran the entire length of a side wall. Brian motioned for him to follow him into a room that had magnificent wooden panels and an oversized fireplace. Justin had to admit to himself that the house was fantastic, if not a bit over the top. “You were saying,” Justin asked as Brian turned to look at him. “I bought it for you and me. Thus, we live here. It’s really quite simple.” Brian assured him with a cocky smile. “We…live…here?” Justin repeated the question again slowly, the reality that Brian had bought a house for them not quite registering properly with his brain. “You bought us a house?” Brian’s eyebrows arched and he nodded his head a few times. “Yes, Justin, I bought us a house. That’s what one does when one intends to make a commitment to someone, no?” Whoa, thought Justin, where did that come from? “Commitment,” Justin asked in a questioning manner. “Did I miss something?” “Apparently,” Brian said, “You were asleep when I asked you the other day to marry me.” “No,” Justin responded, “I was quite awake, and I very much remember saying, ‘No, thank you.’” This time, it was Justin that was arching his eyebrows in a knowing manner. Brian nodded again. “You did, but I don’t think you quite grabbed the gravity of the situation. I want you, Justin, to marry me. And I won’t take no for an answer. AND,” Brian continued over Justin’s start of a protest, “To prove to you that I am serious, I am selling the loft and buying this house for us.” “So, you’re changing your entire life for us?” Justin inquired, an odd look on his face. “That’s right, I am,” Brian told him. “You do realize, Brian, that we aren’t together anymore. That we broke up. Furthermore, you had me weeks ago and you were unwilling to do the very thing you are trying to do now? You do realize this, don’t you?” “Yes, of course I do. I’m ready to take the big plunge and make a commitment to you. You heard me the night of the bombing. I know you did. I love you. I love you, Justin and I want us together- here.” “Jesus, Brian, you had me. You had me, and just a few weeks ago you couldn’t even stomach the thought of this. Look,” Justin continued as Brian looked to interrupt, “I know it must have been horrifying to hear about the bombing the way you did. To know that most the people you love most in the world were in that building, but that doesn’t mean that you are ready to change your whole life. You love the loft. You love being free. You’ve said yourself a million times that you are Brian Fucking Kinney. You don’t do relationships- That we aren’t lesbians in matching Vera Wang dresses. And I’m ok with that. I love you. I have for a very long time. I love you, but, Brian, I know you far too well. This isn’t you. This won’t be you. You’ll be miserable in months, weeks more likely. Hell, it could be mere days. And I won’t do that to what we have.” Justin walked to Brian and lovingly cupped Brian’s cheek, “I love the fact that you can tell me that you love me. God, I’ve wanted to hear it for so long. And you made me so very, very happy when you said it, but, Brian, you’re forgetting something very important: I’ve always known that you love me. It was you that didn’t know it, or didn’t want to acknowledge it. And, at the end of the day, it still doesn’t change who you are. You like to fuck a lot. You want your freedom. And…I want something else. I want a long term commitment to someone that wants just me. So, thank you. I love you with all my being, but this just won’t work. You know it and I know it. Look inside yourself. You know it. We’ll be ready to kill each other in days.” Brian huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Classic Kinney, Sunshine, use the master’s words against them. But maybe, just maybe, I want those things now, too. People can change after life altering situations. And that night, I knew without a doubt that I can’t live without you. I can’t. I need you. I want you. You…” “I’m not using anything against you, Brian. It’s verifiable fact. You’ve been this way the entire time that I’ve known you. You can’t expect me to believe that one night made all the difference…” Justin started to turn away, but Brian gingerly grabbed his upper arm and urged him to face him again. When Justin was facing him, Brian spoke, “It did.” Brian let go of Justin’s arm and ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair. “Christ! The thought of you hurt or worse… dead, after hearing about the bombing was more than my body could endure, Justin. My stomach lurched and one thing kept going over and over in my mind: Not him. Not him. Not him. It’s all that was there, nothing else. The thought of you not being here- I can’t and don’t want to imagine it.” Brian took his two hands and briefly ran them over his face in what looked to be a cross of fear and exasperation. “Please, Justin, believe me. I want you. I want this. I want us.” Justin dropped his head and looked at the floor. “Oh, God, Brian, if I thought for one second that you really wanted this in the long run,” Justin looked up and stared directly into Brian’s eyes, “Well, I’d do anything. But I know you. The first time something comes up where will we be? Do you remember what you did when you learned about the cancer? I was out on my ass faster than you can pick up a trick. I can’t live like that, Brian. I can’t fear the unknown all the time. And I especially don’t want to live in a home with someone that can’t be open with me. To be with someone that’s willing to kick me out over something that I should have known about anyway. It isn’t fair to me. And it isn’t fair to our relationship. As I said weeks ago, it’s time for us to find what we both want, and, sadly, that means not together because we don’t want the same things.” “I do now,” Brian implored, “I’m trying to prove that to you. Can’t you see that?” “I can and I do. And I love you all the more for it. But sometimes, Brian, love isn’t enough. We have to want the same things. I know you think you do. But in a few weeks, when things have settled down, you’ll be glad that I’ve said no.” With that said, Justin walked out of the room, grabbed his jacket, put it on, and opened the front door. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket, he hit speed dial number seven and asked requested for a taxi to be sent out. The door opened behind him as he shut the phone. “I can drive you back.” Brian quietly said. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Justin replied, not having the strength to look at Brian. Instead, he focused on the wooded front yard of the house. Brian came up beside him and tried to hand him a hundred dollar bill. “That isn’t necessary,” Justin kindly assured him. “I know it isn’t necessary, but I am the reason you are out here. Just take the damn money, Justin,” Brian said gruffly. Picking up Justin’s left hand and placing the bill there, he turned and walked away. As the door shut, Justin heard a soft, “Later.” Justin wanted to cry. He had been given everything he ever wanted, but knew that it wasn’t to be. That it wasn’t real. Sometimes, he thought, life sucked. More than two weeks had passed since the fateful conversation and Justin had not heard from Brian. He had received some calls from the gang, but nothing to give insight into Brian. He was starting to question everything he had said and done. He loved Brian. Brian loved him. Shouldn’t that have been enough? Shouldn’t he have given Brian a chance instead of immediately assuming that it was just the fear talking? Lindsay had called about some artwork for a show at Sidney’s gallery, but, oddly, Brian wasn’t mentioned once during their fifteen minute conversation. When they met to discuss which pieces she wanted to use, she didn’t mention anyone from the gang. It was all business: colors, feelings, and art. Debbie called about ten days after the house conversation, and asked if he could cover some shifts at the diner for Kiki; apparently, Kiki had a bad case of the flu. Justin was there for four hours on three different days and not one word was said about Brian. She didn’t even call him an asshole once, which must have been some kind of record for Debbie. Then, there was Michael. Michael had called the day after the conversation and asked about the next issue of Rage. Since then, they had spoken a dozen times and not one word was uttered about Brian. It was starting to feel a tad creepy, and Justin was worried. He had just finished the last cover for Kiki at the diner when he saw the familiar Corvette pull into a parking place. He was about to stop and say ‘hello’ when he saw that Brian wasn’t alone. In fact, the guy getting out of the passenger side of Brian’s car was incredibly hot and the epitome of Brian’s typical fucks: dark, hot, and great ass. He watched Brian walk around the car and smile at the man as he closed Brian’s car door. The man smiled back and there was something in both of their faces that made Justin’s stomach turn. Brian bumped the other guy on the shoulder and the hot guy playfully bumped him back. Justin quickly decided that he couldn’t watch anymore of their friendly banter. As he was walking away, a nasty thought entered his mind. See, he thought, Brian was just overreacting to the circumstances. It wasn’t you that he wanted; he just needed to feel safe. Justin had never felt so empty in his life and he didn’t turn around when he thought he heard his name. He just picked up his step and headed home to his now even drearier apartment. Later that evening, after working diligently on a harsh piece that he thought Lindsay might like for the showing, he decided that he needed to get out. That he needed to accept that things were back as they were before the bombing. He and Brian were no longer an item and he had the freedom to find what he wanted in a partner. Getting dressed, he assured himself that while he loved Brian this was for the best. If nothing else, the scene earlier in the day confirmed all this. It was time to move on with his life and meet someone new; someone that could give him what Brian was not capable of giving him. ~TBC~