I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you baby And I dream about you all of the time I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight it's only you and me
Justin sighed as he rubbed his face, feeling the tears on his cheeks, and sat up in his bed. Standing up, he walked into his living room and sat down on his used couch. Looking aound his little, but cozy, apartment, he lit up a cigarette. His mind started flashing back to a year ago, when his life had changed.
Justin walked into the loft that he shared wih his lover. He and Brian had been together for four years, believe it or not. They had their ups and downs, and sometimes wanted to kill each other, but they had made it. But Justin was starting to feel like something was off with Brian. For the past two months, Brian always had to take a show before they had sex, and he was late getting home from work most of the time. When they went to Woody's or Babylon, he always seemed nervous.
Justin knew in his heart what the problem was, he just didn't want to admit it to himself. There was someone else. Brian and Justin ad given up Justin's rules two years before. But they both still unconciously stuck to them... no repeats and no kissing tricks on the mouths.
Justin had just taken his coat off and had sat down on the couch, when Brian walked in. Justin looked at his watch... six pm. Brian was home from work on time. Justin should've been happy, he knew that, but he had a bad feeling.
Brian sat down his briefcase, hung up his coat, and walked over to the couch. Sitting down beside Justin, he looked at him. "Justin, we need to talk."
Justin stayed silent, waiting to see what Brian had to say. After a few moments, Brian continued. "Justin... we're over."
Justin blanched at Brian's bluntness. "We're... over? What? Why?"
Brian sighed and actually looked like he was feeling regretful. But Justin figured he was just seeing things. Brian had told him time and time again, that he didn't do regrets.
"I've met someone else and I want to be with them."
"You been with them for two months... right?" Brian nodded. Justin asked, "Is it just fucking or something... more?"
"Something more, Justin." Justin closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he re-opened them, there were tears swimming in the blue pools. He could see that Brian was also near tears. "Sunshine... I'm sorry," Brian said quietly.
Justin stood up and shook his head. "Don't call me that! And, as you've always been fond of saying, sorry's bullshit!"
Brian stood up and tried to hug Justin, but Jusin just stepped out of reach. "How could you do this?"
"Sun---Justin... I love Brad."
"Wait a minute! Brad as in Brad Killen? The head of Kinnetic's fucking art department?!" Brian nodded. Justin gave a bitter chuckle and mumbled, "I should have seen that one coming." Justin had known from the moment that Brian had introduced him, that Brad wanted Brian. He had just never thought that Brian wanted Brad. Granted, Brad was handsome and had a nice body... but Justin had thought that Brian had learned his lesson with the whole Kip fiasco years ago!
Then what Brian had said entered Justin's brain. "You're in love with him?" Justin knew that he sounded like a little kid... lost... but he couldn't help it. He was hurt!
Brian nodded. Justin could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Did you ever love me? Or did I just waste four years of my life loving you?" Justin was scared of Brian's answer, but he had to know. Because in all four years of their relationship, Brian had never told him that he loved him.
Brian swallowed and sighed. After a few minutes of tense silence, Justin nodded. "I guess I have my answer." He walked into the bedroom and pulled a couple of duffal bags out of the closet. He packed a few clothes, cds, his scetchbooks, and some pictures.
Looking at Brian one last time, he said, "I have all that I'll be taking. Do what you want with the rest. Fucking burn it for all I care." With that, he laid his keys on the table and walked out of the loft.
Justin shook his head, bringing himself out of his memories. He had gratuated PIFA that week and and left Pittsburgh. He'd had a little money that he had save from working at the diner. He had left a letter for Brian and had told everyone else goodbye. Everyone had been shocked about what had happened between Brian and Justin and had been furious at Brian... even Michael.
Glancing at the clock on the wall, he saw that it was seven in the morning. He had to be at work by ten. Sighing, he figured that he might as well go ahead and get ready. He wouldn't be able to get anymore sleep. He hadn't had a good night of sleep since he had left Pittsburgh. He always dreamed about Brian. About the way things had been, pre-Brad. The way he wish things could be. He knew that he still loved Brian with all of his heart, always would, but it was damn time that he moved on.