As he thought about the blonde, he felt a few tears roll down his cheeks. He was alone, in his bed, so he allowed himself to cry. Everytime he thought about Justin, he felt an ache in his chest. An ache that he knew would never go away.
He remembered the times that he and Justin had sex in his bed. They would tease and be playful, but also animalistic. The times that they would dance at Babylon was also engraved in his memory. He loved all of the time that he spent with Justin.
Somehow the blonde twink, that was only supposed to be a one-time thing, got under his defenses. Got into his heart.
Closing his eyes, he remembered the last time that he had seen Justin. It was at Justin's prom. When they were standing at Brian's jeep, Justin had told him that it was the best night of his life. What Justin hadn't known, was that it was also the best night of Brian's life. When they had danced to "Save The Last Dance", Brian had seen his future in Justin's eyes. He knew right then and there that he would change his life for Justin. It had scared him, he had never felt for anyone what he felt for Justin.
When they had kissed at Brian's jeep, Brian thought about confiding in Justin about what he felt, but he was too chicken shit to do it. He had told him later, and thought they had all the time in the world. Then, the next thing he knew, that damn Chris Hobbs had hit Justin with a bat. As Brian held Justin waiting for the ambulance, trying to stop the blood from flowing out of Justin's head, he had cried. At the time, he could've cared less about who saw him.
After Justin had been rushed into the emergancey room, he had called Michael. He needed his best friend. Half-an-hour later, the whole gang had desended on him, demanding to know what had happened. Three hours later, their wrost fears were confirmed. Justin was dead. He had sustained too much injury, and there was nothing the doctors could do.
Brian hadn't been able to make himself go to Justin's funeral. But, after everyone had left, Brian found himself at Justin's grave. He knew that it was his fault that Justin was gone. If only he hadn't went to that damn prom. But it had made Justin so happy. He sighed as he felt sobs shaking his body. The worst thing was that Justin would never know how he felt about him. How much he loved him. And, Brian would never know what could've been for their future. Brian just wished that he had had the guts to tell Justin how he felt after the dance. He believed in 'no regrets', but he knew that he would always regret not telling Justin that he loved him. He would regret it for the rest of his life. "Goodbye, Sunshine," he whispered. Turning, he walked away while tears continued to roll down his face.
Brian jerked awake, breathing hard and his cheeks wet with tears. His heart was wildly beating and he quickly looked over to where Justin was laying beside him. He breathed a sigh of relief. The dream had been so real. He knew that he couldn't wait another minute, he had to tell Justin how he felt. reaching over, he shook Justin awake.
"Brian? What's the matter?"
"Justin, I need to tell you something. I..." Stopping, Brian took a deep breath and tried again. "Justin, I love you." Justin's blue eyes widened. Then, his face broke into a huge smile, and Brian was reminded, once again, why everyone called the blonde Sunshine.
Justin grabbed Brian in a hug and whispered, "I love you, too, Brian." After a sweet and lingering kiss, they pulled apart.
The dream was still nagging at Brian and he had a feeling that Justin shouldn't go to his prom. He felt silly, but he wasn't about to ignore the dream.
"Justin, how about instead of you going to your prom, we have our own night together? Like a... date?"
If it was possible, Justin's smile widened. "I'd love to, Brian." After a slight pause, Justin asked, "What's brought all of this on?"
Brian shrugged and said, "I felt that I had to tell you. I don't want anything to happen to you and you not know."
Hugging Brian, Justin whispered into his ear. "I love you, Brian. Always will."
"Me, too," Brian whispered back.
I can take the rain On the roof of this empty house That don't bother me I can take a few tears now and then And I just let 'em out I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay But that's not what gets me
Chorus:
What hurts the most Was being so close And havin' so much to say And watchin' you walk away And never knowin' what could've beenAnd not seein' that lovin' you Is what I was tryin' to do
It's hard to deal with the pain Of losin' you everywhere I go But I'm doin' it It's hard to force that smile When I see our old friends and I'm alone Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret But I know if I could do it over I would trade, give away All the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken
Repeat Chorus Twice
Not seein' that lovin' you That's what I was trying to do oooo, oooo, oooo--
"What Hurts The Most" sung by Rascal Flatts on their Me And My Gang album.