Chapter 8: Justin had been sound asleep and was woken by Brian's cries of distress. Realizing the man was having a bad dream, he'd reached out to try and rouse him as gently as he could, but in the end had been forced to call his name. Brian seemed to wake disoriented and when he'd looked at Justin, the younger man had seen a mixture of fear and then relief in those hazel eyes, though he had no idea what had caused Brian's sleep to be disturbed so brutally. Whatever the dream had been about, Justin learned it had somehow made Brian fearful for the younger man's safety, leaving him shaky and sweating, his heart beating fit to burst clean out of his chest. But whatever horrors the dream contained, it had spurred Brian to say, at last, how he was feeling and offer up his heart. And now it was Justin's heart that was pounding, with Brian's words still ringing in his ears. The man had finally told him he loved him and though he was curled up beside him, neither of them daring to speak, what Justin really wanted to do was fling open the windows and yell it out at the top of his voice into the night air; that Brian Kinney loved him. Brian's heart however, was now beginning to settle down to its normal rhythm, and at least he'd stopped shaking, but he still couldn't quite believe what he'd just done. Thinking Justin was lost to him, he'd felt physically sick when he'd woken up; partly with terror at believing he was gone for ever and then with relief when he realized it was only a dream. But thank God, Justin was beside him, placing a caring hand on his shoulder to comfort him and then Brian knew for sure exactly what the younger man meant to him. And once decided, it had seemed so natural to tell him, though now, sitting together on the sofa, Brian's vulnerability remained all too evident, at least to Justin, even though the older man thought he still needed to hide it from him. Justin took Brian's hand and squeezed it. He might not know very much about the world he found himself living in and indeed his experience with men was limited solely to Brian. But Justin knew how much it took for Brian to say those words and declare his love; to finally open up and admit to him how he felt. And then he heard Brian sigh. “What the hell happens now? ... I suppose ... I suppose there's stuff we need to talk about ...” and his voice trailed off. He really had no idea what would happen next; he'd never been here before. Brian had never allowed himself to feel for anyone before Justin came along, even though there'd been plenty who'd tried. And walking into the unknown scared him shitless and it showed and so Justin smiled as he sought to reassure him. “There's loads of time for that ... I really don't think we have to worry about it now ...” and reaching out, he brushed Brian's cheek with the back of his hand and grinned. “There's only one thing I'm interested in this minute ...” Justin was now wide awake; they both were. Brian grinned back. “I thought you'd never ask,” he told him and he pulled Justin onto his lap, his free hand at the back of the younger man's neck as he brought him in for a kiss and then he groaned. Everything they needed was in the bedroom and tilting his head downwards, Brian rested his forehead against Justin's. They remained motionless for several moments and then, still with foreheads touching, Justin smiled. Reaching out, he placed his palm on Brian's cheek, cupping his face and he pulled back and then leaned in to gently kiss him again. Though the need for each other was as strong as ever, somehow, both men knew that neither of them really wanted to rush this; this time it would feel different; almost as if it were their first. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Do we still need these?” Justin asked him. Having moved back to the bedroom, they were now sitting naked on the bed and Brian retrieved lube and condoms from the nightstand drawer and he looked down at the foil packets in his hand. Part of him would like to promise Justin there'd come a time when maybe they didn't require them and this was obviously one of the things they'd have to talk about. Brian inwardly sighed. He was aware just how unsatisfying anonymous sex had become, but he wasn't sure his need for other men would diminish entirely just because he knew how he felt about Justin. He hadn't even considered it until Justin's question about their continued use of protection. It would in fact take a huge adjustment to admit he could be satisfied by just one man. But in Justin, hadn't Brian discovered everything he could need? Here was not only a young man he found incredibly physically attractive, with a sex drive that seemed to match his own, but also someone whose talents Brian admired and respected immensely. Justin loved him and would no doubt support him emotionally and practically too, at least as far as he was able, considering the circumstances. With Justin, Brian no longer had to use sex as a means to cut himself off from his feelings, but instead explore and enjoy it for what it had now become for him. Not just a physical release, but a way to bond with someone for whom he felt an amazing connection and not only with their bodies, but with their hearts and souls too. Now he realized he wanted and needed to feel, not detach himself from his emotions, so surely Justin was the complete package. But for the younger man's continued protection right now, the answer had to be yes, condoms were still a necessity. But who knew what the future might bring. Justin watched as Brian considered his question and he saw the man's confusion and reaching out, he took the packet from him. “I'm not going to demand that you give up other men,” Justin stated and he smiled at him. “Because I don't think that would work ...” Inwardly, Brian smiled. Justin was a clever little devil, there was no denying that. Even if he decided he didn't need other men, Brian would never give them up on someone else's say so, it would have to be Brian's decision alone. Not since he was a kid had anyone ordered him around and Justin knew that to demand it of him would be one sure fire way of pushing Brian in the opposite direction. Brian had to make up his own mind. That way, once he had, he would know it was the right thing to do. So accepting for now that there would probably still be others and copying Brian's technique, Justin tore the foil packet open with his teeth before removing the condom and reaching out, he rolled it onto Brian's cock. Brian swallowed. Regardless of what Justin said, Brian knew how he really felt about knowing he was with other men; his reaction when Brian brought home the trick a few nights ago told him that. But Brian loved Justin even more for saying it, although he wouldn't agree to something he didn't think he'd be able to see through. “I'm not making any promises ...” “Shh,” whispered Justin, and he put his fingers lightly against the man's mouth. “I said we didn't need to talk about that stuff now,” and he ran his fingers along Brian's lips. Taking Justin's hand in his, Brian turned it over and kissed the palm, before reaching forward and slowly rolling the blond onto his back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As Brian progressed down the younger man's body, sweet, tender kisses turned into little nips as the intensity grew and the need to be inside him became totally overwhelming and Justin craved it too. Being able to give himself and hold nothing back, feeling the older man fill him always made Justin feel special and complete. He'd always known that for Brian to come to him again and again, regardless of who he could have outside made their union so exceptional, but this time it did indeed feel different. He couldn't be sure what exactly it would mean: Brian had declared his love, but his commitment was still unspoken. Would they now be a couple in the true sense of the word? For even though they'd shared the loft and shared a bed, until now, they were two separate beings. But Justin desperately wanted to be one half of the whole and he hoped Brian felt the same way too. And this time, as Justin wrapped his legs around him, drawing him in even deeper, he stared into Brian's eyes. Momentarily, Brian hesitated and then he smiled, but as he slowly repeated his thrusts; building gradually until he was completely taken over, feeling himself falling into the abyss that was the depth of Justin's love, Brian did indeed feel as if he and Justin truly became one. Brian was in love and was loved for who he was, and for the first time in his life, it was now Brian who felt complete. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “It ... it did feel different ... didn't it?” asked Justin a little hesitantly as he curled against Brian's body and looking up at him in the half-light; knowing Brian had felt it too, but hoping the man was now comfortable enough to actually admit it. Reaching over, Brian pushed the blond's fringe off his forehead and smiled; Justin's hair was getting quite long and Brian loved it. “Consummating our new status you mean ... as a couple?” he asked him in reply and Justin's heart soared at hearing Brian say the words and he grinned. “Like we ever needed an excuse to fuck ... but yes ... as a couple ...” Brian let out a little gasp of air. He blinked and looked suitably shocked at the younger man's words. “And there was me ... thinking I'd just made love to you ...” and Brian allowed himself a grin and rolled his lips into his mouth, thinking back to their earlier conversation where he'd stated: “That's not love, Justin ... it's sex ... we fuck ...” And whereas Justin always knew, Brian too now realized the difference. He might think he'd never given the younger man his heart before, but he'd always made love with Justin, whereas he'd only ever fucked the tricks; never allowing them to possess his whole being. And Justin knew the difference too. “Yes ... you did ... make love to me,” stated the younger man and seeing Brian smile and nod in agreement, Justin leaned forward to kiss him and then pulling back, he gently pinched Brian's arm. “I wasn't sure I'd ever hear you say that ...” the younger man grinned at him in relief and Brian chuckled. “I didn't think I ever would ...” and he groaned and shook his head. “Mikey accused me of going sentimental and soft ... looks like he was right ...” “Mikey?” “Michael ... my best friend since we were 14 ...” “Oh ... but so what ... what's wrong with that?” asked Justin, a little confused and Brian momentarily closed his eyes. “You don't know the gang I hang out with ...” he groaned again. “If they ever knew I was ... well ... with someone ... someone who was more than just a one-nighter ... or if they ever heard me say I loved anyone ... they'd have a field day ...” “Why ... wouldn't they be happy for you?” asked Justin and he saw Brian frown; a look of uncertainty clouding his eyes. “You know ... I'm not really sure ...” “Then it sounds to me like you need some new friends,” observed Justin and Brian couldn't help chuckling. But maybe there was more than just a grain of truth in Justin's statement, even if Brian didn't like to think about it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian hated to leave him, but Justin was still asleep when he showered and dressed for work. After they'd made love and chatted for a short while, they'd fallen into a comfortable silence and then sleep, and it was all he could do to drag himself away and he kissed the blond lightly on the forehead and swept the hair away from his eyes. Justin mumbled something unintelligible and rolled over. He looked absolutely adorable and it was all Brian could do to stop himself climbing back in beside him. Stepping out onto the street, Brian wished the office wasn't so far way, he felt like walking. And though fall was approaching with the promise of the usual harsh winter days and nights ahead, there was a definite spring in Brian's step as he made his way to the jeep and then from the parking garage up to his office in the building that housed the ad agency. “Morning Cyn ... beautiful day ...” smiled Brian as he met his PA by the elevator; she'd summoned the car, which had just arrived and the doors opened.. “Is it?” came back his PA, a little miserably. “I thought it was a bit chilly ...” “Hmm ...” answered Brian. “I didn't notice ...” and he stepped to one side to allow her to enter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian's unusually cheerful manner all morning unsettled Cyn, especially when he didn't blow up at the intern, who was proving to be more trouble than he was worth. But then she caught the tail end of a phone call Brian had taken on his cell and Cyn blinked and decided she really must go for a hearing test; she could have sworn she heard him whisper; “Yeah ... me too ...” in a manner which usually suggested someone very special on the other end of the line: like a lover or partner. Having woken and found himself alone, Justin went over the occurrences of the previous night, all the time grinning to himself. Brian had told him he loved him, he didn't dream it; it was for real. And not being able to wait all day until he heard his voice again, he rang Brian up to tell him he loved him too. When Brian answered, he actually surprised himself to find that hearing Justin's voice on the other end made his breath shorten and his heart beat faster; now admitting he was in love, Brian felt like a giddy schoolgirl. But this was no schoolgirl crush, this was the real thing and when Justin said; “I love you,” to Brian's amazement, he found himself replying likewise and he couldn't help grinning too as they rang off. Cyn had popped her head around the door to remind him that he had an appointment in the art department right after lunch, only to find Brian leaning back in his chair with his feet up on his desk and running his finger absentmindedly along its edge and totally oblivious to her presence. Then she heard him say; “Yeah ... me too ...” and he smiled and closed down his cell, but then stared at it, still grinning, for a few moments before placing it back in his pocket. Cyn coughed and only then did Brian realize she was there and she couldn't help thinking that Brian looked a little flushed; guilty almost, like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And then to compound her confusion, he went out at midday to pick up a few things and get some lunch and brought her back coffee and a danish from the exclusive little coffee shop on the corner. “What's this?” she asked him after Brian had placed the bag on her desk in front of her. “Dessert,” replied Brian and he saw Cyn eye it suspiciously and he spread his arms in dismay. “What ... can't I treat my own PA from time to time?” Cyn shrugged. “Sure ... but it's usually time off ...” she answered him. And whereas Brian did from time to time, give Cyn time off when they'd all had to work extra hard, she couldn't remember when he'd actually gone out of his way to purchase her anything; this was definitely something new. But never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, she smiled and in any case, if asked, Cyn would have to say that working for Brian, she had no real complaints. “Thanks Boss ...” “You're welcome,” came back the exasperated reply and he shook his head and made his way down to the art department and Brian sighed. Why did it seem that people thought there was always something odd whenever he did something pleasant? Was that really what people thought about him? Did people really think he was incapable of small acts of kindness? To most people, Brian always seemed to have a somewhat edgy demeanor and an air of arrogance. He often appeared to have a short fuse and would never suffer fools gladly or, on the surface, have time for more than cursory pleasantries. But if anyone cared to look deeper, Brian had a dry, if somewhat sarcastic humor and those closest to him could testify, if reluctantly, that a friend in real need couldn't ask for anyone better. But for some reason, those times always tended to get forgotten. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian stopped off on the way home to pick up a good quality bottle of wine from the liquor store and prayed the younger man would be free to enjoy it and he breathed a sigh of relief when he found Justin, albeit covered in paint, but nevertheless at liberty, when he looked in at the studio. Though having spoken on the phone, it felt a little strange, the morning after the night before, when he'd told Justin he loved him and Brian still really wasn't sure how they should proceed. Every other partnership he'd heard about usually involved a set of rules for one thing or another. And although Justin didn't seem to be in any hurry to talk about stipulations or conditions, Brian knew it was something they would have to talk about and better to get it out of the way sooner than later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “So ... when are you going to tell me?” asked Justin as they'd almost finished their meal and Brian chuckled. It would seem that Justin could already read him like a book and knew the older man had something on his mind throughout dinner. Putting down his fork, Brian leaned back in his chair. “I really do think we need to talk,” he stated, and Justin frowned. “What's there to talk about? ... now we both know how we feel ...” “True,” agreed Brian and he sighed. “I guess ... well ... this has never happened to me before ... I'm not sure what it is I'm supposed to do ...” “That makes two of us,” chuckled Justin, and reaching out across the table, he squeezed Brian's hand. “So ... I suppose it's something we'll learn how to do together ...” Brian nodded and smiled in agreement. He'd been so surprised at how easy it had been to tell Justin he loved him in the end and enjoy the very idea of it all, that he was only now starting to think things through. What would the consequences be of having stated his feelings? He knew he loved Justin, of that he was no longer in any doubt, but what would that actually mean in terms of their day to day existence? And although Justin had said he didn't expect him to give up other men entirely, he was surprised if the younger man didn't have any expectations of him in that area. “I'm just not sure I know how to be one half of a couple,” confessed Brian and picking up the bottle, he poured them both another glass of wine and collecting his own, Brian moved to the sofa; Justin picked up his glass and followed. “Who does know ... until they try it?” he asked him and Brian shook his head. “I'm bound to screw up ...” sighed the older man and Justin shrugged. “Who says I won't? ... this is all new to me too, remember ... just because I can't lead a ... well ... a normal life ... doesn't mean to say I won't make mistakes too ...” “Are you sure you're only 17?” Brian asked him, only half jokingly, Justin's maturity belying his age and then Brian bit his lip. “What else?” asked Justin, seeing as how Brian was still struggling with something. “I guess we'll need to have some sort of rules ...” Justin frowned. “What sort of rules? ... why do we need rules?” Brian looked at him and held his gaze, hesitating before daring to speak. “Every couple I know has rules ... so we each know what's expected of us ...” and when he saw Justin's confusion, Brian looked away and sighed. “I've never been monogamous,” he confessed. “Never had to be ... not sure I know how ...” “I already told you ... I wasn't expecting you to be,” stated Justin and Brian looked at him. “Are you really saying that you wouldn't mind if I fucked around?” he asked him in disbelief. “Justin ... I saw how you looked at me when I brought that guy back here ...” Leaning forward, Justin put his glass down on the coffee table and then moved closer to him and put his hand on Brian's arm. “But that was before you told me how you felt ...” “And that makes a difference?” asked Brian, totally bewildered by Justin's reply. This wasn't at all how he'd imagined the younger man would react to Brian saying he wasn't sure if he'd be able to give up other men completely, but Justin nodded. “If you still need other guys ...” and Justin sighed. “I won't lie and say I wouldn't care ... I'll just ask you to think ... what can they give you that I can't ...” “And once you've decided that ... you'll know what to do ... until then ... I'll be happy that you're coming home to me ...” and reaching out, Justin took the glass from Brian's hand and placed it on the floor. “Now I know I have your heart ... and your love ... I know no one else will ever really mean anything ... and that's all that really matters ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Okay ... who are you ... and what have you done with the real Brian Kinney?” demanded Cynthia, standing in the doorway of his office two days later and for a moment, Brian actually wondered whether she was really joking. “What the hell's that supposed to mean?” Brian asked her and no longer able to keep a straight face, Cyn grinned, closed the door behind her and then plonked herself down in a chair in front of Brian's desk. Brian's relative good humor had continued and hadn't gone unnoticed by the staff he came into contact with and Cyn was dispatched to find out what, or who, had caused it. “Okay ... it's this Justin ... right?” and she grinned wider when she saw Brian close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “I knew it ... then I wanna know what he looks like ... and when am I going to get a chance to meet him ...” Brian groaned as Cynthia related the fact that everyone had noticed how Brian had suddenly become a 'nicer' person. But it was still a strange notion and she wasn't the only one who felt a little unnerved by it. And with Andy in Human Resources also gay, it wasn't long until word started to filter out into Liberty Avenue, Babylon, Woody's and beyond. Incredibly and unfuckingbelievably, Brian Kinney was in love! But hardly anyone could guess who the mysterious man could be who'd stolen his heart. All but a few, that is and they still had no real idea who he was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Leaving work at a reasonable time for once, Brian did some shopping on his way home before dropping by the studio to see Justin and then taking his purchases up to the loft. He sighed with relief to find that the younger man was still free of the bottle and asked him what he wanted for dinner. “I don't mind ... anything ...” shrugged Justin and the older man grinned at him. “I got some of Ben and Jerry's finest for dessert,” he announced, knowing how much Justin loved ice-cream, and on hearing that, Justin had other ideas about their evening sustenance. “We could forget the first course ... why don't you go upstairs and change ...” he grinned at him. Brian rolled his lips into his mouth as he considered ditching his purchases and joining him there and then, but he had other frozen food starting to defrost. Crossing the floor, Justin retrieved the bottle from the shelf and placed it on top of the shopping in Brian's arms. “I'll be up in ten ... don't start without me,” he instructed. “I'll be waiting,” Brian answered him and although he really wanted to race up the stairs, mindful of that awful dream, Brian made his way carefully up to the loft. Leaving the door open, he placed the bottle in its usual position before putting the groceries away in cupboards and freezer and waited. Ten minutes can seem an awfully long time when your dick is hardening and you daren't touch yourself in case you go off too soon, but Brian was made to wait as Justin cleaned his hands and brushes and then fed the cats. And for once, they didn't linger in the shower, Justin was hungry for ice-cream. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “That is fucking cold,” complained Brian, but it was only a mild protest, as Justin let the soft dessert drop off the end of the spoon onto Brian's chest, but the sudden coldness was more than made up for by the warmth of the young man's tongue as he licked it up. Brian groaned as a trail of white was then dribbled from his breastbone down to his pubes, a trail that Justin took his time to clean off. “Don't you dare,” Brian told him, but too late. The cold metal of the spoon on his dick made him jump and he shot up and grabbed a giggling Justin by the wrist and attempted to roll the younger man onto his back. “Let's see how you like it ...” threatened Brian and what followed was a struggle for the spoon, but Justin was smaller and knew all the sweet spots and he nipped Brian first under the arm and then in his ribs, and Brian found himself giving in. Ice-cream forgotten for the moment and without a word spoken, Justin retrieved a condom and lube from the nightstand and sat back down over Brian's legs and opening the packet, he rolled the rubber down Brian's shaft. Brian watched as the younger man squeezed out some lube onto his fingers and applied it, first to Brian and then to himself, taking his time as he began opening himself up. Brian swallowed and tingled with anticipation as straddling him, Justin leaned forward to kiss him before moving backward and positioning himself over Brian's engorged member. Lowering himself slowly, Justin allowed Brian's cock to rub against his hole and he closed his eyes as he prepared himself for the burning sensation he knew would follow. But Brian was right; the pain, though brief, was part of it and Justin even enjoyed that part, knowing what it was leading to. But actually bringing it on yourself took a little longer and he swallowed and lowered himself just a little further, allowing Brian to enter him and automatically, Justin clenched and he gasped. “You don't have to rush it,” Brian told him, though in truth he didn't know if he could hold out too long. And to help things along, he reached down and took Justin's cock in his hand as encouragement. Justin grimaced and lowered himself until Brian completely filled him. Getting past the pain barrier to the indescribable pleasure, Justin began to rock his hips, slowly at first and then faster. Reaching behind, he rested his palms on Brian's thighs and then leaned backwards for maximum pressure and forcing Brian deeper inside him, until he could go no further. Brian closed his eyes and though he tried to match his strokes with Justin's, he couldn't concentrate as the younger man thrust himself, pulling back now only a little before pushing down again, harder and harder. Justin felt Brian's orgasm start to rush through him and he hesitated only to start again and this time increase his pace. Both men's breathing was shallow and ragged and Justin's blood was pounding in his ears as he continued pounding himself onto Brian. Brian might be inside him, but Justin was on top. This was one occasion where the younger man was definitely in control; dictating pace, speed and depth of penetration. With Brian's assistance, Justin came first, sending spurts of creamy white cum over him, allowing the older man to fall back into the pillows completely as his own climax neared; each wave stronger than the last until the noise roared in Brian's ears and he was long past any rational thought. And when he came, filling the condom, his whole world exploded around him as reaching out, Justin took both his hands and linked their fingers; emphasizing the bond that forged them together even closer together. The sex was hot and they would definitely need more than ice-cream to cool off with, but more than that, every time they shared their bodies, their tie became even stronger. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “It's practically melted,” stated the younger man in disappointment and Brian chuckled. “That's not the only thing ...” As their breathing and pulse rate slowed back to normal, Justin's attention was drawn back to the tub of ice-cream sitting on the nightstand and he pushed himself up off the bed and straddled Brian once more. Despite the ice-cream's now more watery consistency, it didn't stop him scooping up a large spoonful, which dribbled over Brian's nose and chin en route to his mouth. Brian swallowed that which did reach its target. “This is the only kind of vanilla I approve of,” chuckled the older man and leaning forward, Justin licked up any of the liquid that didn't find its way to its intended destination and Brian moaned. “I'm definitely going to have to start back at the gym ...” and sitting upright, Justin sat back onto Brian's thighs and looked at him. “It means a lot to you .. doesn't it ... how you look ... how you present yourself,” observed Justin. It hadn't passed him by, just how long Brian took over his appearance, always bought the most expensive menswear and constantly checked himself out in the mirror until he was thoroughly satisfied and when the man didn't now respond, Justin continued. “But I don't know why you're worried ... there's not an ounce of excess fat on you ...” “And that's how I intend to stay ...” “What ... think I won't love you if you get a little flabby?” chuckled Justin and he saw Brian blink and look away. Justin frowned; Brian surely knew exactly how he looked. “You're beautiful ... the most beautiful man I've ever seen ...” “Well ... given the extent of your experience ... that's not saying much ...” cut in Brian quickly and Justin sighed. “Don't pretend you don't know ...” “Yeah ... well ... make the most of it ... it won't last forever ...” and wriggling out from under Justin, Brian intended to head for the shower, but Justin grabbed his hand and pulled him back down and Brian sighed and had a feeling Justin had something to say that he wasn't sure he wanted to hear. “You will always be beautiful ... no matter how old you are ... but that's not everything ...” “Don't be so sure ...” “What ... its all in the packaging and presentation you mean ... that it's all about looks?” asked Justin and Brian raised an eyebrow. Obviously, the younger man had been paying more attention to what Brian did for a living than he'd realized; how the right presentation and packaging could sell just about anything. “Well ... it is all about sex ... I know that much ... always has been ... always will be ...” Justin shook his head. Brian was obviously alluding to himself, but how could he believe that was all he was worth, wondered the younger man. But of course, he hadn't been there through all those childhood years when Brian had been told he should never have been born and left to believe himself worthless and unloved. And then as an adult, Brian had learned that how he looked made men want him and succumb to him; practically any man he wanted and that was what he measured himself by. And years of how you perceive yourself aren't easy to conquer overnight and Justin was only now realizing just how much constant reassurance of his love for him Brian would need. “You're so much more than ... just packaging,” Justin told him, and Brian attempted to smile. “Like I said ... don't be so sure ... I am an ad man after all ... I know what sells ... and how to sell it ...” and he attempted to get up again, but still, Justin wouldn't let him. “It's what you do for a living ... not who you are,” stated the younger man. “Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself ...” asked Justin and he heard Brian chuckle. “As a person I mean ... the person underneath all that expensive and beautiful wrapping ...” Justin continued, hoping to convince the older man that he was more than just superficial decoration and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth, but fell silent. His earlier conversation with Cyn was still fresh in his mind and being told you weren't acting the bastard you were usually thought to be, was still pretty unbelievable and here was Justin, more or less telling him the same thing. “Whether you like it or not ... you're a good person ...” “I love you, Brian ... and I don't care how many times I have to tell you ... or remind you how great you are with Gus ... and everything you've done for me ...” “You're on the verge of getting a partnership at the agency ...” “Whenever Ryder gets off his ass and actually does something about it,” groaned Brian, getting more and more teed off at the length of time he was being made to wait and Justin nodded; he couldn't deny that. “But it can't be far off ...” “You have so much to be proud of ...” “Why can't you be comfortable with all of that ... believe it?” “Are you listening to me?” Justin asked him, hoping he was getting through to him and eventually, Brian nodded and leaned over to kiss him. “But you may have to ... keep reminding me that is,” Brian whispered and Justin nodded. “Whatever it takes,” he whispered back and finally, Justin released Brian so that he could go and get his shower. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was late afternoon and Justin was at his studio as usual when the buzzer sounded and he hesitated, unsure if he should answer it while he was on his own. Then it sounded again and going over to the window, he carefully looked down into the street below and saw Jennifer standing outside the exterior door. And as it looked as if she was going to give up and leave, Justin flung open the window and called out. “Hi, Jennifer ...” and hearing his voice, she looked up and smiled at him. “Come on up ... I'm in the studio,” invited Justin and he trotted back to the intercom in order to let her in. Justin took a deep breath and hoped the bottle would behave itself while she was here and he'd already opened the door by the time she arrived, taking the stairs this time; telling herself it was good exercise. They embraced at the doorway as if it were the most natural thing in the world and while Justin fetched bottled water from the fridge, Jennifer was keen to see what the young man had been working on. “I really think you should consider finding somewhere to show these,” suggested Jennifer, looking at his finished work and she took the glass she was offered, Justin having poured Jennifer's drink out for her. “You think so?” answered the young man, pleased that Jennifer thought his work good enough to exhibit in public and she nodded. “Definitely ... my Justin had a couple of shows at the local art gallery ... they run showcases for emerging artists ... why don't you introduce yourself ...” and then she hesitated and realized that given Justin's condition, that wasn't a practicality. “I'm sorry, Justin ... I didn't mean to remind you how difficult it is for you to go outside ... but I could always do it for you ... take your work down there if you like ...” Justin swallowed and tried to smile and he hoped he didn't color up with embarrassment at the continued untruths. “I ... I'm not sure ...” he answered her and took a swallow of his own drink. “Of course ... but it would be a shame not to show them ... there's lots of people who would be interested in them ...” “Thanks Jennifer ... but ... I'll have to think about it ...” “When you're ready ... there's plenty of time,” Jennifer smiled at him and then she hesitated and put her glass down on the kitchen counter. “Look ... I hope you don't mind ...” and she opened her bag and pulled out some papers. “I've been doing a little research ... about agoraphobia ... and I was surprised ...” and Jennifer started to leaf through the pages. Justin bit his lip and got up onto one of the high stools. He put his bottle down on the counter and started to roll it between his palms in his nervousness as he waited for Jennifer to continue. “I'd always assumed it was simply a fear of open spaces ... but I now realize it doesn't necessarily mean that ...” “Apparently ... sufferers ...” and Jennifer looked up and smiled at him and reaching out, squeezed his arm affectionately before going back and finding her place. “Sufferers can also be afraid of having panicky feelings ... and putting themselves into situations where they've previously had panic attacks ... and so avoid going to these places ...” “Because once the attacks have started ... the episodes can become the ongoing stress which in turn can lead to even more increased attacks ...” It was obvious Jennifer was reading something she'd researched from some medical journal or other, but then, suddenly, she stopped and realized that Justin was looking down at his hands and probably hating hearing every word. “Oh god ... I'm so sorry ... here's me going on ... probably repeating stuff you've heard countless times ...” “No ... I haven't ... actually,” stated Justin quietly and honestly and Jennifer sighed and stepping closer, placed a motherly arm around the young man's shoulders. “It isn't untreatable ... at least ... not according to this ... I believe there's something called Cognitive Behavior Psychotherapy for one ...” “Jennifer,” cut in Justin, sharply and she removed her hand at his obvious displeasure. Justin sighed: he could see how strongly she cared about him and he so hated lying to her. “If ... if it's a question of money ... for treatment ...” offered Jennifer quietly. It would be tough, but if she could help in anyway, Jennifer was more than prepared to, wondering whether without parents and a job, that Justin wouldn't have any medical insurance. Though she would have thought Brian would have helped out there and Justin sighed; he had no idea why money would be involved. He was truly touched, as apparently Jennifer was offering to pay for treatment of his non-existing condition, if that's what was needed. “It has nothing to do with money ... I ...” and he swallowed and had difficulty making eye contact with her and there was no way he could continue lying. “I'm not agoraphobic ...” “You're ... you're not?” asked Jennifer and Justin shook his head. “Well ... then ...” and she frowned in confusion. “Then why would Brian say you were?” asked Jennifer and she frowned, wondering what sort of dubious reason Brian would have for telling her that Justin couldn't leave either the loft or studio and suddenly her stomach lurched. “Do you go outside?” she asked him and Justin hesitated, but shook his head. “He isn't ... I mean ... he isn't making you stay here with him ... is he?” “Because if he is ... we'll get you away from here ... go to the police ...” Justin frowned and turned to look at her, unsure why she should think that and seeing his confusion, Jennifer stepped forward and put her hand on his arm. “You are a beautiful young man, Justin ...” Justin blinked and then realization dawned and his eyes opened wide and he shook his head. “No ... no ... it's nothing like that ...” it was now apparent that Jennifer was wondering whether Justin was some sort of sex slave or concubine and Brian was forcing the young man to live with him. “It ... it's complicated,” was the classic understatement of all time, but it didn't curtail Jennifer's concern. “Justin ... whatever it is ... you can tell me ...” “If you're in any kind of trouble ... or at risk ...” Justin bit his lip and for a moment, wondered whether he could take a chance and tell Jennifer about the bottle. But then he inwardly sighed, knowing just how hard it would be to believe and decided against it. He wasn't at risk, from Brian, at least. “I'm not in any danger ... truthfully ... Brian's been nothing but wonderful to me ... I don't know what I would have done without him ...” Jennifer frowned. “Are you sure?” she asked him and Justin smiled. “I'm sure ... I love him ... and he loves me ... but thank you ... for being concerned ... it means a lot,” and stepping forward, he hugged her. Jennifer smiled and hugged him back, but she was still confused and concerned why he would spend so much time cooped up in either the loft or his studio. And it was just then that Brian arrived home. Brian couldn't hide his surprise at finding Jennifer in the studio and Justin could tell he wondered at the wisdom of allowing her to visit. But Justin so enjoyed her company, that Brian only wished the two of them could spend more together. Jennifer and Brian exchanged pleasantries, but Brian was sure the woman was acting a little nervously and wondered if it had been his arrival that had caused it. “I'd better go,” stated Jennifer and reaching out, she took Justin's hands. “I just wanted to see how Justin was doing ...” and her eye contact with the young man made it obvious that she was asking again whether everything was okay. Justin met her gaze and smiled. “I'm fine ... thank you ...” Brian frowned as Justin saw Jennifer to the door. He was sure something more was being said here, but he had no idea what it might be. And making sure Brian was out of earshot, Jennifer opened her bag and took out her wallet and pushed a business card into Justin's hand. “Here's my number ... cell, office and home,” she stated quietly and then hesitated before going back into her wallet and bringing out some bills. “What's this?” asked Justin as Jennifer closed his fingers around them. “In case you ever need to get a cab ...” Justin shook his head. “I won't need this ...” he started to protest, but she squeezed his hand. “I'll feel happier knowing ... knowing you have a little money of your own ...” Justin sighed and then smiled; Jennifer's concern truly touched him. “I really won't need this ... but you'll never know how much it means to know you care ...” and with both of them a little misty eyed, they embraced before Jennifer turned and left and before returning back inside the studio, Justin carefully put the card and bills in his jeans pocket. He had no intention of deceiving Brian, but he didn't think not telling him would hurt. Brian paid for absolutely everything and Jennifer was right, a little of his own money might indeed come in useful one day. “That was one of the longest goodbyes in history,” observed Brian. He'd loosened his tie and had been admiring Justin's work and wondering what the hell he and Jennifer could be talking about in the hallway that couldn't be said inside and whether it had anything to do with what he thought he'd seen earlier. “This is good ... by the way ...” smiled Brian as Justin closed the door and going over to him, the blond reached up to kiss him. “I'm more interested in hello's than goodbyes ...” Justin informed him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Brian ... it's me ... I tried calling your cell ... but it was switched off ... guess you were in a meeting ...” “Anyhow ... Ben and I were wondering if you and Justin would like to come to dinner ... one night next week? Call me ...” - O - “Hi Brian ... it's Lindsay ... is next weekend still okay for you to have Gus ... that is if you're not busy? ... I'll call you later and arrange to bring him over ...” - O - “Brian ... are you there? Shit ... I hate talking to these fucking things ...” This last, also unmistakable voice filled the loft and sounded more than just a little pissed off at having to talk to the machine. Like practically everywhere else on Liberty Avenue, the diner had started to buzz with tales of Brian. He'd got engaged/married/eloped to Vermont/Toronto or Gretna Green; take your pick. After all, there had to be some explanation of why he hadn't been to Babylon in so long. And the guy who'd snared him was a blond/brunet/red-head and young enough to be still at school with some even accusing Brian of cradle-snatching. All this from a few idle rumors at the ad agency and one or two sightings by some of the gang. “You still haven't stopped by ... you were supposed to be coming over to dinner ... remember? And bringing Justin with you ...” the voice continued. “Oh ... and by the way ...” and Brian heard the smile. “Congratulations, Brian ... not before fucking time!” “Fucking call me! ... Bye ...” and then: “Oh ... it's Debbie ... if you weren't sure ...” Brian groaned as he listened and then went over to the sofa and sat down beside Justin and wondered why on earth Debbie should think he wouldn't know it was her. “You've got a lot of messages,” observed Justin. After Jennifer had left and Justin had washed up and seen to the cats, they'd come up to the loft and the machine was flashing. But Brian didn't bother seeing who it was until they got out of the shower; they'd missed each other too much to waste any time on phone messages. “Yeah ... funny that ... why suddenly everyone's trying to catch up with me ...” “With us,” Brian continued and Justin sighed. “I'd like to meet your friends ... your family ... see where you work ...” “There's a huge part of your life I know nothing about ...” Brian looked over at him and tried to smile. “I wish you could too,” and he genuinely did, for as much as anything else, Brian would feel so proud to have Justin on his arm and be able to introduce this beautiful and talented young man to those around him. But there was someone Justin could get to know. “I'd like to have Gus for a weekend ...” “That would be great,” grinned Justin. “I'd love to spend some time with him ...” “Me too,” came back Brian and then he frowned. “What's wrong?” asked the younger man. “People ... people are getting a little curious ... about us ... about you,” stated Brian, thinking over the third degree grilling he'd got from Cynthia about his relationship with Justin and he was sure it wasn't a coincidence that everyone wanted to make arrangements for them to get together and meet the man who was now part of his life. Justin sighed. “I wish things could be different,” and reaching out he took Brian's hand. “Me too,” came back the older man. “I'd like nothing than to be able to show you off ...” “Really?” asked Justin, a broad smile spreading across his face and Brian nodded. “It seems everyone wants to meet the man who captured my heart,” and Brian placed his free hand on his chest, but there was no mockery in his tone, for indeed that's exactly what Justin had done, but the younger man now frowned in confusion. “You've told people about us?” he asked him and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and hesitated before answering. “Not exactly ...” “Then how do people know? ... that we're a couple I mean ...” “It seems I've changed ... I'm ... I'm nicer ...” Justin chuckled and moved up closer. “Nicer? But why would you change ... why would you want to?” “Well ... Cyn's been wondering what happened to me for one ...” “Cyn ... your PA?” asked Justin and Brian nodded. “She gave me quite a grilling ... apparently the mere act of buying her something for lunch and not yelling at the intern had her wondering who ... or what ... the hell I'm turning into ...” “The whole company has noticed ... I don't bark as much as I used to ...” “She knew there had to be someone ... and of course I'd told her to always put through your calls ...” Justin frowned. “Do I really have that effect on you?” he asked him and Brian smiled. “Apparently ...” “How do you feel about that?” the younger man asked him warily and Brian shrugged. “I guess I can live with it ... though I'm not sure I completely want to lose my reputation for being the arrogant sonovabitch people think I am ...” and he chortled. “Can't have people thinking I'm going soft ...” “That's terrible,” stated Justin with genuine dismay. “ I ... I don't want you to change ... or act any differently,” he continued anxiously. “Why would I?” “Do you think you need to? And what about me?” Brian shook his head. “Don't you change a thing ...” “But I guess all the heteros I've ever known ... most of them ... well ... the women anyhow ... somehow think they can change their guy into something else ...” stated Brian and Justin raised his eyebrows and grinned. “In case it hasn't escaped your notice ... I don't happen to be a women ...” “Oh ... I noticed,” grinned Brian back at him. “But what's the point of being with someone you want to change into something else ... turn them into something they're not?” Justin continued. “That doesn't make sense ... I love you as you are ... I wouldn't want you to change anything just for me ... if either of us wanted to make changes ... then it should be because we want them ... first and foremost ... agreed?” the younger man asked him and Brian nodded. “Agreed ... I'll try to stay the bastard most people think I am,” he chuckled. “Fine by me,” replied Justin, moving closer and Brian pulled him into his lap and not for the first time did he thank his stars that someone like Justin had come along and made his life start to mean something. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In truth, nothing about their day to day existence really changed, other than the atmosphere was now clearer between them, both men now knowing where they stood and except for the fact Brian did seem more relaxed, even to Justin. And even though Justin had assured him it wouldn't matter if he still needed another men, Brian hadn't bothered going looking. For in truth, no longer did he feel he had anything to prove, to others or, indeed, himself. And Justin was right. Why go looking when everything he needed was right there at home and using the excuses 'because he could or because it was his right to do so' didn't seem to cut it any more. Unfortunately, one element of their daily lives didn't change and that was never knowing when the bottle would take Justin back within its confines; an occurrence which they still had no way of predicting until it happened. But now, knowing how they both felt, the separations were becoming even more difficult to take and live through, for both men. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having given Justin her telephone numbers, Jennifer had hoped the young man might call her and, indeed, Justin had very much wanted to. But it occurred to him that Jennifer might expect them to get into a routine, and then he'd have difficulty explaining why it was he couldn't always call or be available when she called him, if he were trapped inside the bottle. As it happened, Jennifer decided she would call Justin, leaving it until she thought Brian would have left for work so that Justin would be free to talk. And when she couldn't get an answer, she started to worry. Justin had told her that even though he wasn't agoraphobic, he still didn't leave either the loft or his studio and genuinely being in the neighborhood late in the afternoon, she decided to drop by the converted warehouse. Fortunately, another of the building's inhabitants had been leaving as she arrived, allowing Jennifer entrance and saving her the need to buzz. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jennifer would have expected Justin to be in the studio and although she could hear the radio playing softly inside, there was no respond to her knock. Going up to the loft to see if he was there instead, she became increasingly worried when again there was no answer. Looking up Brian's home number in her address book, Jennifer then called the loft and she could hear the phone ringing inside, but still, no answer. Brian had taken over the Neilson's number as that seemed the logical thing to do and so going back down to the studio once more, Jennifer dug out that number too. Standing outside the door to Justin's studio, Jennifer could now hear the phone ringing inside. And she could also hear the incessant meowing of the cats and she became extremely anxious. Deciding to try the door, Jennifer was surprised to find it unlocked and opening it, she slowly stepped inside and shooed the cats back into the apartment. She called out Justin's name, but there was no noise other than the music from young man's radio. Fall was slowly approaching, but there was still plenty of light in the apartment. Not enough to paint by, but sufficient to see that things appeared to be in disarray. Taking a break, Justin had brought one of the books Jennifer had given him over to the kitchen counter, where, sat up on one of the high stools, he'd been studying it and comparing the technique described to that he'd used on one of his own paintings. And on this occasion, that's when the bottle had decided to call him back. In the process, the stool had toppled over and both book and painting he'd been holding were thrown to the floor and the water bottle Justin had earlier been drinking from had been knocked over and had spilled the remainder of its contents over the counter. Mystified as to how that could happen, Jennifer turned off the radio and called out Justin's name again and went to see if he was in the bathroom and when he wasn't, panic set it. Hesitating for just a moment, Jennifer debated with herself whether she should call Brian or the Police, it looked like Justin had been abducted or that there had been a struggle at least. But it was then that Brian appeared at her elbow, trying to keep some respectable hours and anxious to get home to Justin. “Jennifer?” Brian's voice from behind made her jump and Jennifer shot round to see who had spoken. “Brian ... it's you ... thank goodness ...” Brian quickly looked around and having spotted the stool, book and painting on the floor, knew immediately what had happened, but obviously Jennifer didn't and her concern was obvious. “When I couldn't get an answer here ... I went up to the loft ...” “And when I still couldn't get a response ... I came back down ... the door was unlocked and ...” and Jennifer took a breath; her panic was making it difficult for her to breath. “Do you think there's been a struggle? Do you think we should call the Police?” Jennifer still had her cellphone in her hand from earlier and for one moment, Brian thought she was going to use it to dial 911. “No ...” instructed Brian and he took a step forward, resulting in Jennifer taking a rather startled step backwards. Perceiving Brian's attitude as hostile made up Jennifer's mind for her. “I am going to call them ...” “Jennifer ... please don't,” pleaded Brian. “Why not?” she demanded. “It certainly looks like something's gone on here ...” “I know what it looks like,” stated Brian, and crossing the floor, he uprighted the stool and picked up the book and painting and placed them on the counter, away from the water that was still pooling on its surface. “But looks can be deceiving ...” Jennifer was appalled at what appeared to be Brian's lack of concern. “Then what's going on?” “Justin told me he isn't really agoraphobic ... even though he doesn't go anywhere ...” she stated and Brian frowned; genuinely surprised that the younger man had done that. “Did he?” “Yes, he did ... so if he isn't agoraphobic ... why would you say he was? Why doesn't he ever go outside ... and why don't you want to call the Police?” “Because that would probably do Justin more harm than good,” stated Brian, but he could see from Jennifer's expression that she was going to take a lot of persuading. “Convince me,” instructed Jennifer. “Or ... I will call the Police ...” Brian nodded and walking passed Jennifer, retrieved the bottle from its usual place in the studio. “I need for you to come up to the loft,” and he saw the flicker of suspicion and almost alarm on the woman's face. “You've nothing to fear from me, Jennifer,” Brian assured her quietly and Jennifer hesitated, but Brian's statement sounded completely genuine and though others would probably say she was out of her mind, Jennifer agreed to accompany Brian up to the loft. Though she did wonder why the hell he was bothering to bring that ornately decorated green bottle with him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having dropped his attaché case by his desk and closing the door behind them, Brian carefully placed the bottle down on the coffee table and then took off his jacket and loosened his tie. Going over to the side table he picked up the bottle of Beam. “It's a little early, isn't it?” Jennifer asked him disapprovingly and Brian shook his head. “You won't think so in a minute,” he told her and he poured them both shots; Jennifer's a little less than his own. Reluctantly at first, Jennifer took her drink and then placed it on the coffee table, before removing her own jacket and taking the seat Brian offered her. “Now what?” she asked him. Brian took a swallow of his drink before placing his glass down on the coffee table and moving to his desk, where he retrieved the magnifying glass. Going back to Jennifer, he hesitated and then he picked up the bottle and passed it to her. “Careful ... it has some very precious cargo ...” Jennifer frowned in confusion and then took the magnifier she was offered. Obviously, Brian was meaning for her to examine the bottle and holding it carefully, as instructed, she passed the magnifying glass over it and peered through it. She shrugged. “What am I looking at?” she asked him. “Don't look at the bottle ... look inside it” Brian told her and Jennifer looked more closely through the glass. Brian heard her gasp and then Jennifer blinked and pulled back and she looked up at Brian. Seeing the concern in Brian's eyes, Jennifer returned her attention back to the bottle to take yet another look. Her eyes weren't deceiving her. There, in the bottom of the bottle, would appear to be a figure; a young man, curled up and asleep. Justin. As was usual when Justin was imprisoned, he seemed to go within himself; it was his way of trying to cope and even the movement of the bottle hadn't disturbed him. He was indeed sound asleep and totally unaware of what was going on. Jennifer shook her head. “This is impossible ...” “That's what I thought ... at first,” confessed Brian. “But it's true ... that is Justin ...” “But ... but how ... why?” “How and why? Well ... as far as we can tell ... it's sorcery ... but I've no idea how it works ...” “It seems like Justin got into an argument with a Fakir and his nephew ... he must have pissed the Fakir off well and truly ... the guy put a spell on him ... condemned him to never knowing true freedom ... and this was the result ...” and reaching out, Brian carefully took the bottle from Jennifer and sat down on the sofa, cradling it safely in his hands. “When did this happen?” asked Jennifer and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth before speaking. “Around two thousand years ago ... give or take ...” Jennifer shook her head in disbelief. “When does he come out?” she asked him, still finding it difficult to comprehend what her own eyes were telling her and trying to understand the incredible story she'd been told and Brian shrugged. “When the fucking thing decides he can ...” “It's totally random ... he can go for days ... even weeks ... without being taken back ...” “And he can be held prisoner for minutes ... hours ... weeks ... we never know ...” Brian swallowed and looking at him and hearing his words, Jennifer could see how much of a strain this existence was really putting on the man. “How did you get the bottle?” Jennifer asked him and Brian managed a smile. “It was in a trunk left by the loft's former owner ...” “Buchanan,” stated Jennifer, now understanding Brian's interest in the previous tenant and she sighed. “I can't imagine how difficult it must be for the two of you ... having to live ... with this ... hanging over you ...” Brian said nothing; he didn't think he had to and Jennifer could see by his expression just how difficult it was. Now accepting how much he did indeed love him, Brian wanted to be with Justin and couldn't believe that having found love, fate could be so cruel to him; to both of them. “I still find it incredibly hard to believe ...” Jennifer continued and breaking into Brian's thoughts. And reaching out, she retrieved her drink from the coffee table and downed it in one; she did need it after all. Brian smiled at Jennifer's grimace as the burn from the liquid hit the mark and then he shrugged. “Well ... you're welcome to stick around and see what happens ... though I've got no idea how long before he'll be free ...” Jennifer nodded and considered for a moment. “My daughter's at a friend's sleepover tonight ... I will stick around ... at least for a while ... thank you ...” Brian nodded and carefully put the bottle back on the table. “I'll go down and feed the cats ...” “Do you want me to start dinner?” Jennifer asked him and Brian inwardly smiled to himself. This would be the first time any female had ever made him dinner in his own home. “Whatever you can find ...” Brian told her and leaving Jennifer to investigate his fridge and freezer, Brian went back down to the studio to feed the cats. Cyrus and Satarah had clearly missed Justin and they meowed constantly as Brian prepared their food, which he actually allowed them to eat up on the kitchen counter. They were also used to him by now and were happy to let Brian stroke them as they ate. And though Brian wouldn't admit it, he was actually becoming quite fond of them and was considering asking the Neilson's if they would allow them to stay. He knew Justin enjoyed their company and if asked, that was the excuse for keeping them. And before he left, Brian made sure they had a clean litter tray. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian was still down in the studio and Jennifer was preparing the salad, when she noticed a strange mist starting to creep through the loft which began to freak her out. But, summoning up her nerve, she followed its source and there it was, coming from the bottle. With her hands at her mouth, Jennifer watched, in horror and fascination as the mist started to take shape and become a solid form: Justin. Justin appeared to hover a few inches above the floor for a moment and his eyes were closed and then slowly, he was lowered so his feet touched the polished wooden boards and then his eyes opened and he stretched, as if coming out of a long sleep. That's when he noticed Jennifer. Ignoring the plausibility of what was happening before her, Jennifer swallowed. With tears in her eyes and only guessing at how frustrating and heartbreaking it must be for the young man to have to live like this, she moved forward and spread her arms; taking him in for a big hug. And Justin hung on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ During dinner, Jennifer listened, totally absorbed, as Justin related stories of his childhood and the land and time he came from. But stories of spells and sorcery were still hard to take in. At one point, Brian sat back to survey the scene, which to him, was a little strange. Other than work and Debbie, he had very few straight people in his life. But he genuinely enjoyed Jennifer's company and sitting here with her and Justin, it almost felt like family. Indeed, Justin and Jennifer were enough alike to pass as Mother and son. And as he cleared way the dishes, Brian marveled again at their similarities. Thankfully, at last, Brian had someone he could share the knowledge of Justin's existence with. He would never admit it, especially to Justin of course, but it had been quite a strain, struggling to keep him as much of a secret as possible. And for Justin, he no longer had to lie to the woman whom he would so dearly have loved as his own Mother. And possessing Jennifer's number, Justin now started to call her and they would speak most days. Or if she rang and Brian said Justin couldn't come to the phone, she would understand. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian called Michael and made the excuse this time that it was he who couldn't make it for dinner and that he was just up to his ass in work. Michael hurrumphed and didn't believe him, but there wasn't much he could do about it other than call Brian a liar, which he was loathed to do. But having already talked it over with Justin, Brian did promise Michael that if Justin still couldn't make it, then he'd come to dinner on his own sometime soon and Michael had to be satisfied with that. Brian also rang Lindsay to make arrangements to pick up Gus for the weekend. Here at least, the situation with Justin didn't cause any problem about spending time with his son. They would just have to make sure that Justin was down in the studio and out of her way when she called. Debbie though, would be an entirely different matter and Brian really had no idea how he was going to keep putting her off. She was just as likely to take no notice of what he said and just turn up here and probably bringing over another damn tuna and macaroni casserole with her. But Brian gave Debbie the courtesy of calling her back and she almost sounded tearful when he admitted that he did have someone in his life, and yes, it was the Justin that she'd met when they'd gone out onto Liberty Avenue, but that he was trying to keep it low-key at the moment. Debbie almost burst out laughing at that point and asked him when the fuck did he ever do anything low-key? That just wasn't his style. But inwardly, she was really happy for him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Four-thirty Friday afternoon and when the knock came on the studio door, Justin went to open it, expecting to find Jennifer standing there as she'd called to say she hoped to be in the area, but instead, he discovered that it was Lindsay and she was holding Gus in her arms. She smiled sweetly at him. “Hello again, Justin ...” “Lindsay ... I ... I thought Brian was collecting Gus on his way home from work?” “Well ... it turned out that I was going to be over this way this afternoon ... so I rang and left a message with Cynthia to say I'd bring Gus over myself ...” “You wouldn't do me a favor and fetch his things from the car would you ... it's parked right outside ...” and she held out her keys. “There's his babyseat ... his stroller and two bags in the back ...” Justin swallowed. “Babyseat and stroller?” he asked her, confused by the unfamiliar items and Lindsay smiled; he obviously didn't grow up with any kid brothers or sisters. “The babyseat is a small seat made especially for babies ... so they can travel safely in a car ... and the stroller is a baby buggy ... so that Gus can be taken outdoors ...” “Oh ... of course,” answered Justin and he mentally crossed his fingers and hoped he would recognize them when he saw them. And knowing he could hardly refuse Lindsay's request, Justin closed the studio door and flew down the stairs as fast as he could. Justin took a deep breath before opening the exterior door and he stepped out, trying to ignore the sudden street noises that hit him. Luckily, there was only the one car parked right outside and managing to locate the correct door key, he retrieved the bags and what he assumed was Gus' stroller from the back. Removing the babyseat however, took much more working out and he was starting to panic when it at last came free. Struggling inside, Justin managed to get everything in the elevator, but he'd only been in it the once before and he hoped he'd remember how it worked. But with only three buttons, up, down and stop, he realized this wasn't as hard as he thought. He took everything straight up to the loft and had expected Lindsay to be waiting outside for him, but she wasn't. Once inside and depositing everything on the floor, he quickly went to the phone and dialed Brian's cell. Thankfully, the man answered on the second ring. “She's here,” stated Justin, breathless and with obvious panic in his voice. “Who is?” came back the worried reply. “Lindsay ... she's turned up with Gus ... I just had to go down to the car and fetch his things ... didn't Cyn tell you?” “No ... I just got out of a meeting ...” “Shit ... I was supposed to be collecting him ... I was just packing up to leave ...” “I'll be right there ...” Justin put down the phone and took a deep breath, praying that Brian would get here before anything happened and going back down to the studio, sure enough, Lindsay had gone inside. She'd laid Gus down on one of the bean bags and was studying his work. “I hope you don't mind ... I put the cats in the other room ... I wasn't keen on them being around Gus ...” “No ... that's okay,” stated Justin and Lindsay frowned. “I have to admit ... I never saw Brian as owning pets ...” “They came with the apartment,” answered Justin. “We're looking after them until the owners send for them ... though I think Brian's getting used to them ...” Lindsay nodded unconvinced and looked around her. “Well ... Brian certainly didn't spare any expense here ...” “No ... I'm very lucky he's so supportive,” answered Justin in Brian's defense. Lindsay's tone had sounded sarcastic and Justin didn't like it one bit. Lindsay attempted to smile and then turned her attention back to Justin's work. “This is extremely good,” she admitted, begrudgingly. “I manage the Sidney Bloom Gallery, but I was an art teacher ... did Brian tell you?” she asked him and Justin shook his head, in fact, he was a little annoyed that Lindsay was looking through his work without invitation . “No matter,” continued Lindsay. “But I was wondering ...” “We have an emerging artists show next month ... we'd be very pleased to include some of your work ...” Justin scratched behind his ear, this was the second time someone had said his work was good enough to go on public show and while he was trying to make up his mind, Lindsay continued. “Your brush work is excellent ... but I also liked the drawings you did ...” “My drawings?” asked Justin and only now did he realize this was why Brian had his art that time; that he'd taken his work to show Lindsay. He'd totally forgotten about that and to be honest, Justin wasn't sure how he felt about Brian taking his work to show a complete stranger without asking him first. “So ... what do you think ... about exhibiting your work in the show?” Lindsay asked him. “Well ... if you think it's good enough ...” “It's more than good enough Justin,” answered Lindsay. “I'll get back to you in a couple of days about how many pieces and ... if you like ... I can help you choose them ...” Justin blinked and his stomach lurched. Having Jennifer in his life and trusting her completely was one thing, but if he spent too much time around Lindsay and she found out the truth about him, he wasn't sure how she would react. He also wasn't completely happy with her motives; maybe she would try and come between him and Brian. But in any case, he didn't want her choosing which work he would exhibit and he hoped he would be able to refuse her help without offending or annoying her. “Thank you ... but I think that would be a very personal decision to make ...” stated Justin. Lindsay blinked; she hadn't been expecting this young man to be as assertive as this. He'd obviously been around Brian too long, but she smiled and nodded. “Yes, of course ... I understand completely ...” “Do you want to go up to the loft?” asked Justin. “I expect Brian will be home soon ...” and he moved towards the door. Lindsay knew when she was being asked to leave, and reluctantly, she collected Gus from the beanbag and followed Justin up the stairs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Luckily, without running a single red light, Brian managed to get to the loft without delay. But he was pissed that Lindsay had gone ahead and brought Gus over rather than wait for him. Obviously, her intention was to try and see Justin. She'd learned from her friend who worked at the art store that Brian had materials and equipment delivered to an address in his own building, so locating Justin's studio had been as easy as pie. But Lindsay had no way of knowing whether Justin would be either there or at the loft, but she'd been prepared to sit outside and wait if it turned out he'd not been there. “Didn't we arrange for me to come and collect Gus?” Brian asked her the moment he got inside the door and not bothering with the usual greetings. “But I was in the area ... I thought it would save you the trouble,” stated Lindsay, innocently and she smiled at Justin. “I've just been trying to convince Justin that he should put his work into our emerging artists show ...” and Brian inwardly sighed. How the hell was he supposed to stay pissed at her when she was determined to seem so damned nice. Brian nodded. “He should ... he's good enough ...” “I might,” stated Justin, not liking the thought that other people were starting to decide what he should do with his art. Justin's passion for his craft had grown intensely and other than his love for Brian, Justin's work was becoming all consuming. Brian noticed Justin's curt reply but didn't say anything further and he and Lindsay went over the contents of the bags she'd brought with her containing everything Gus would need for his stay with his Father. And the usual rigmarole of emergency contact telephone numbers was gone through before Lindsay eventually left. “So ... you showed Lindsay my work ...” stated Justin, once Lindsay had gone and Brian looked over at him. “I wanted Sidney Bloom to see them ... it's his gallery ... but it turned out he wasn't there ... Lindsay was ...” “Why? Do you mind?” Justin took a deep breath and thought for a moment. “Well ... I suppose it wasn't important then ... but it is now ...” and going over to Brian, who was now sitting down and holding Gus, Justin leaned over the back of the sofa and put his hand at the back of Brian's neck. “My art has become very important to me over the last few weeks...” “I noticed,” smiled Brian back at him and Justin nodded. “I want to decide who sees it ... at least before it's finished ... and for now ... that's only you and Jennifer ... okay?” “Okay,” answered Brian, and a feeling of pride washed over him. Justin was beginning to assert himself as a man and Brian, for one, was very proud to watch him grow. Justin kissed him and gently rubbed Gus' cheek and the youngster immediately responded to him. And Justin watched as a total difference took Brian over, now he was in charge of his son and as he sat on the sofa with Gus in his arms, Justin found a sketchbook and pencil and began to draw. Father and son was a beautiful tableau that couldn't be ignored. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Saturday morning and after breakfast, Brian took Gus for a walk in his stroller to the park while Justin went down to spend an hour in the studio. Although he'd rather Justin had been able to go with them of course, at least having both that young man and his son in his life made Brian feel more complete than ever before. Gus would never be totally his of course, but Brian was determined, now more than ever, to play a more positive role in his son's life; whether Lindsay or Mel liked it or not. Brian felt a connection to something and somebody for the first time and that was all down to Justin who made him believe that he could love someone and be loved in return, and Brian was now experiencing happiness he thought he would never want or need. However, as Justin watched them leave for their stroll, his heart sank. He'd give anything to be able to accompany them and he cursed the bottle and the spell that kept him a prisoner and which kept him apart from Brian yet again. But when Brian let him feed the youngster at lunch time, Justin couldn't have enjoyed himself more, finally feeling that he belonged and part of something that was so important in Brian's life. But then there could so easily have been a tragedy which brought home the possible dangers of Justin's existence. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gus became a little fractious after lunch and even his Father couldn't quieten him. “It's probably wind,” decided Brian and after walking the floor with him for a little while, Justin took over. After a few moments, Gus let out a huge belch which made both Justin and Brian laugh and the youngster seemed a lot happier. With Justin still holding Gus, Brian went to the pile of childrens' videos and DVD's that he'd started to accumulate to find something the little one liked to watch and knelling down by the TV, he had his back to them. “Brian ...” Justin called out to him, but his voice was so quiet the man didn't hear him. Slowly, Justin had begun to realize that the child in his arms seemed to be getting heavier and that he was getting a little light headed and Justin then began to sway. “Oh no,” uttered Justin, although his voice was too weak to be heard, as was his first call out to Brian and only now did he notice the mist swirling around his feet. Justin swayed more and he knew he was being taken back into the bottle. But what about the child in his arms? “Brian ...” Justin summoned up all his strength and hearing the anguish in his voice, Brian turned round and he saw Justin starting to disappear. “Shit ... NO!” Brian crossed the room at lightening speed; only just managing to rescue Gus from Justin's arms as the younger man's solid form began to fade, more rapidly now and the child had started to fall. The look of horror on Justin's face as he was drawn away from them stayed with Brian for a long time after the man he loved had disappeared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The weekend where Brian was hoping that he could spend time with both men who were the most important to him was now tainted. Going over to the bottle, he placed his hand against the glass and reaching out, Justin did likewise before curling up and trying to go to sleep. Sleeping; shutting down at least, seemed to make the time go faster. Brian enjoyed having Gus of course, but he was concerned about Justin. The look of horror had been mixed with guilt, he realized now, when Justin was desperate for Brian to take Gus from him, to save the child from getting hurt. Justin's plight and its continuing consequences were taking their toll on all of them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian took Gus back to Lindsay and Mel early on Monday before going into work and too early for Lindsay to descend on the loft with a pretense of coming just to collect their son, when she was only really coming over to check out Justin. Brian called Justin throughout the day but there was no reply and he wished his workload didn't prevent him from being at home should Justin be released. But in fact, Justin was still incarcerated when Brian returned at the end of the day. He sighed and not bothering to fix himself anything to eat, Brian went down to feed the cats and make sure they were okay before coming back to the loft and starting on the work he'd brought home with him. And it was almost midnight before the mist started to swirl around the loft once more. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian watched anxiously as Justin's form started to solidify and the younger man looked as if he were about to burst into tears. Justin was very distressed as Brian took him into his arms; repeatedly asking him if Gus was okay and babbling about how he'd never deliberately hurt the child and cursing, over and over, how his existence prevented them from doing so much; from being together and leading a traditional life. And in fact, might even put Brian or Gus, or anyone else who came into contact with him in danger. The fact that Gus could have been hurt had affected Justin deeply and he was totally mortified at the thought that he might be responsible for any injury the child might sustain if he were to be holding him again when the bottle wanted him back. Brian gently brushed the hair away from Justin's forehead and the tears from his face and assured him that Gus was fine. And Brian joked that he'd never wanted a conventional relationship in the first place and so this suited him just fine. But Justin could tell he was lying to try and comfort him and he finally realized and accepted that he would never fully be a part of Brian's life or have any sort of normality and it broke his heart. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin's mental and emotional state worsened in the next few days. He couldn't be bothered to talk to Jennifer when she called and he was becoming moodier and more distant. Brian couldn't help noticing how dark and foreboding his work now seemed to be; surely reflecting how he was feeling. He was hardly talking or eating and Brian was starting to get nervous about leaving Justin on his own and began bringing more work home with him, but one afternoon he came home especially early and was shocked at what he found. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian stopped by the studio and was surprised to find Justin not there and no sign that he had been all day. He checked quickly on the cats; they had plenty of water and there was some treats still left in their bowls, so leaving them, Brian went up to the loft. He could hear music playing from outside the door and in fact, it was so loud, Justin didn't hear him enter. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin was sitting huddled in the corner of the sofa, his eyes were closed and he seemed to be rocking slowly, backwards and forwards. He was also crying, but as yet, he still hadn't realized that Brian was present. Slowly, Brian put his attaché case on the floor and on the desk, he noticed a sheet of paper, folded in half and with his name written on it. It would seem that Justin had written him a note and Brian hesitated momentarily and then picked it up and he began to walk towards him. After a couple of steps, Brian stopped, as he could see now that Justin was holding the bottle in his lap. And that was when Brian decided to read the note. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian swallowed and going over to the CD player, began to gradually reduce the volume. It was the only way he could think of letting Justin know he was there without startling or alarming him and eventually realizing the music was no longer playing, Justin opened his eyes and looked right at him. Brian wasn't about to ask him if he were okay, because he obviously wasn't and in fact, finding the right words was incredibly difficult and instead, with his heart pounding, he held up the note. “What is this?” Brian asked him, his voice shaking and Justin blinked and then swallowed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “You're home early,” came the reply and Brian nodded. “Too early?” asked Brian, struggling but failing to keep the accusatory tone from his voice in his confusion. “I hoped I wouldn't be here ... yes,” stated Justin, quietly. “Planning on saying goodbye ... with a suicide note?” Brian's voice was now breaking and he wasn't sure if he was stunned, upset or just plain angry. Justin looked down at the bottle in his lap. “I didn't think of it as a suicide note ...” “Then what the fuck would you call it?” demanded Brian and unable to contain his emotions, he threw the note at the younger man and it landed on the sofa beside him. “I saw it ... as setting you free ...” “Setting me ... setting me free? What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Brian and he took a step towards him. Now alarmed at Brian's nearness, Justin got up from the sofa and walking around the back of it, moved to the middle of the floor. He didn't want Brian coming near him. He didn't want Brian touching him or attempting to hold him. If he did, then Justin new he surely wouldn't be able to go through with his plan. “I can't be free ... but you can ... free to be with someone else,” stated Justin eventually and he was holding the bottle precariously in his right hand, at its neck and between his thumb and forefinger. Brian swallowed; he so wanted Justin to be careful with that fucking bottle. “Why ... would I want to be with anyone else? ...” Brian asked him. “It's you I love ...” “I know ... and I love you,” whispered Justin, the tears beginning again and Brian could see the turmoil going on inside him; turmoil that was now churning inside them both. “But we can't go on like this ...” “Never knowing when I might be let out from this ...” and with a flourish, Justin shot out his right hand to indicate the bottle and Brian held his breath. “Never knowing whether it will be hours ... days ... or even fucking weeks ... before it will set me free ...” “Never knowing whether it will be hours ... days ... or even fucking weeks ... before it will take me back again ...” “I nearly got Gus hurt ...” “We can prevent that happening,” stated Brian, quickly, in order to try and calm him down, but Justin gasped. “By my never touching him again?” he asked him and Brian looked away in acknowledgment that by Justin never holding him again was indeed the only sure way that Gus wouldn't be hurt. “I can never really be part of your life totally and completely,” stated Justin, his voice shaking with emotion and Brian tried to hold back his own tears. “I don't care ...” “I do,” stated Justin and he looked at the bottle. “I can't bear not being able to be with you ... every day ... every night ... and I know how much it hurts you too ... “I'd rather be dead ...” stated Justin, his voice no more than a whisper. Brian blinked. “Don't ... I don't know what I'd do ... if I lost you ...” “I was nothing before I knew you,” admitted Brian, now unable to hold in the tears. Justin shook his head. “Yes you were ... you just didn't know it ...” he whispered and he took a deep breath. “I could never thank you for everything you've done for me ... what you gave me ...” and Justin managed a chuckle at the irony of what he was about to say. “You gave me a life ... and a purpose ... when I thought I'd have nothing ...” “Funny ... I was going to say exactly those same words to you ...” answered Brian and he tried to manage a smile himself, but he just couldn't. “Don't leave me ...” and Brian never thought he'd ever hear himself pleading with another man to stay. But he loved Justin with all his heart and the thought of losing him was unbearable. “You'll find someone else,” smiled Justin, but Brian shook his head. “Yes you will ...” Justin tried to assure him. “Haven't you proved to yourself just how capable you are of loving?” Justin asked him and if pushed, Brian would have to admit that he'd surprised the hell out of himself by discovering that fact, but he couldn't imagine loving anyone other than Justin. “Don't deny yourself again ... if anything ... let me go ... and know I was the person who showed you just how capable you are of loving ...” “That you can love ... that you should ...” “And that you will ...” “And know ... that I will love you til the of time itself ...” “NO!” Brian had feared all along what Justin's intentions would be. They'd been so scared of the consequences; not knowing if it would destroy him or set him free. But with tears running down his face, Justin brought his hand up high in the air above his head and then down quickly and he let go of his grip on the bottle. It smashed into a million tiny little pieces. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For a moment, it was as if time stood still as Brian's gaze was drawn to the floor and he watched the bottle smash on the polished wooden boards. And then suddenly, a huge roaring sound began that made Brian put his hands over his ears as the hurricane force wind began to rush through the loft. Knocked off his feet, Brian managed to barely cling to one of the metal supports holding up the ceiling as he tried to hide behind it for safety. He managed to position himself so that he was sitting with his back against the upright, his knees drawn up into his chest and his head buried in his arms for protection. And it felt as if the world around him was disintegrating, as indeed it was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had no way of knowing how long the howling winds had lasted and when it eventually calmed down, into a complete and eerie silence, he opened his eyes expecting to find a scene of total devastation around him. But instead, everything was in complete order. The loft looked totally untouched and slowly, Brian got to his feet. Moving warily into the center of the room, Brian looked around him. There was no sign of broken glass or of Justin. The bottle had been shattered and so had Brian's life. Only this time, it wasn't a dream. To be continued. With so much thanks to Lois and to both Lois and Judy for their continued friendship.