Chapter 11: They'd taken Justin's new car for a spin; Gus safely strapped in the back. Brian had taken care of the insurance and taxes and despite the younger man's objections, he'd informed Justin that he would continue to do so, or at least until he had some real money coming in. Brian had been relatively quiet during the circular route they'd taken and had gazed out of the window; not really seeing anything. There was a lot for him still to think about, including whether or not he was now going to take a more active role at Kinnetik. Justin had seen the pensive mood Brian was now in and not wanting him to feel awkward with the silence between them, had the radio on; allowing Brian to tune out. When they got back to the house, Gus rang his moms to thank them for his presents; excitedly relating to them what he'd received from his Dad and about their ride in Justin's new car. Brian lit the fire in the living room; it had been cold outside and was starting to snow again. Neither Lindsay nor Melanie asked to speak with Brian; Lindz deciding it best to allow the man more time before they tried to offer a further olive branch, for which Brian was grateful. He really didn't want to speak with anyone this soon; after all it had only been a few hours since the truth came out and he wasn't sure how civil he could be and he didn't want to cause a scene; not with Gus in the house. Then it was time for a late lunch and while Justin was laying the table in the dining room, Brian tossed Gus' steak burger and later their steaks on the grill; medium rare for Justin and blue for himself: so rare that a good vet would probably have gotten it back on its feet again. And with the salad tossed and a good bottle of wine chilling in the fridge; Brian allowing himself a small indulgence, he watched Gus drawing at the kitchen table. Justin had given him a really nice art set, having seen how keen he was to draw and there being a talent in the family he was bound to have some natural ability. Just before they sat down to lunch, the phone rang. It was Vic; he'd just got off from talking with his sister and having heard everything that happened, wanted to know if Brian was okay and were they coping. Justin had taken the call in the hallway and kept his voice low enough so that Brian wouldn't hear. “He's getting there” Justin informed Vic. “I think it was a bit of a shock ... it all coming out so suddenly like that ... he hasn't really said too much since everyone left ... but I think having Gus back will make all the difference ...” “I can't believe I've been working alongside that asshole all these weeks ...” Vic offered to come over and make their meal, but Justin declined. “Thanks Vic ... but we've got it all under control ... you and Rodney have nice day ...” “Who was that?” Brian asked him when Justin went to see how lunch was doing. “Vic ... he's been talking to Debbie ... he wanted to know that you were okay and should he come over ...” Brian raised an eyebrow and nodded. The jungle drums were bound to be working overtime; the whole of Liberty Avenue would probably know what Kyle did before nightfall. “I'll call him later ... Vic's the only one who stood by me from the start ... despite the evidence” Brian sighed and turned back to the stove and Justin came up and put a hand on his shoulder. “Well ... at least we know why that happened now ... have you decided what you're going to do ... about Kyle?” Brian shook his head. “I don't know ... part of me wants to kick his ass all the way to Topeka” and he sighed. “And the other part?” asked Justin. “The other part of me wants to forget the last four years ever happened ... and just get on with my life” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian struggled towards the end, but managed to eat all his lunch; he still had this heavy feeling in his chest and couldn't quite believe it could be all over. He should feel ecstatic; having been vindicated, but somehow there was no pleasure in being right on this occasion. Because deep down, Brian knew he'd been lucky through the years; that there were bound to have been times that he'd driven when he shouldn't. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After their main course, Brian watched as Justin prepared the ice-cream sundaes; pretty sizeable ones for both him and Gus, both always able to eat Brian under the table, but Brian had refused, stating he'd eaten enough already. Standing on a footstool and with Justin's hand in the small of his back to make sure he didn't fall, Gus had helped with the canned whipped cream for the topping and able to use only one arm, accidentally squirted some over Justin's hand. The boy giggled and with the mischievousness of a typical nine year old, another dollop was promptly deposited on Justin's nose this time. “Hey!” The shout and the look of shock on Justin's face made Gus giggle even more and from the doorway, Brian's heart swelled at the easiness and obvious affection between his son and Justin. This was exactly what Brian needed and with everything else forgotten for the moment, he grinned and wished he had a camera right there and then. Suddenly he remembered and quickly stepping out into the hallway, he grabbed his cellphone from his coat pocket: Justin was trying to grab the can of cream from Gus who, playing on his injury, was evading Justin's attempts to get it off him. “Justin ...” at the sound of his name, Justin turned around as the flash from the camera in Brian's cell went off; Christ, he looked so damned cute with the white blob on his nose. “Hey ... that's not fair!” came the protest and then Gus reached out and wiped the cream off the top of Justin's nose and licked his finger. Brian raised an eyebrow. Justin grinned and looked back at him; both men sure they were reading each other's minds. Whipped cream. Mmm and the thought was put away for later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With an enjoyable lunch over and the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, Gus resumed playing with his train set; with just a little help from his Dad of course: all memories of Brian's many unhappy childhood Christmases banished and locked away where hopefully, they would remain. Justin couldn't help himself and reached for his sketchbook; he was going to end up with dozens of books filled with pictures of Brian or Brian with Gus. But he didn't care. Everyone would be different and it would get to the point where Justin could draw them both from memory so easily. Brian looked up from the floor and smiled at the younger man who grinned back. When it came to it, it had been so easy to tell Justin that he loved him and he planned on doing it again and again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Love you, Dad” said the sleepy voice and Brian stopped in the doorway and smiled at him. “Love you too,” he replied and he switched out the light as the boy settled down to sleep. It probably wouldn't be long, for despite the soreness in his arm, Gus had been on the go all day and had been allowed to stay up way past his normal bedtime. It must have been quite confusing for him, being taken away from his Dad and then left with him again barely 36 hours later, but he seemed to take it all in his stride. With a light supper of ham and pasta, it wasn't long before Gus couldn't keep his eyes open and offered no objections to being taken up to bed. And with Gus tucked under the duvet, Brian watched him from the doorway and he sighed. At first, he'd put on a cheerful face for Gus; wanting to make sure his son had a good time, but as the day wore on and Brian was able to relax, he found he was enjoying himself so much more than he thought he would under the circumstances. And that had everything to do with his son and the blond who was now walking down the hallway towards him. “Do you plan on going back downstairs again?” asked Justin; as he approached him. “Only I've locked up ...” Brian frowned, it was relatively early by their standards and Justin appeared to be holding something behind his back: the younger man obviously had plans. “Why ... what did you have in mind?” he asked him and grinning, Justin brought his hand around in front of himself; he was holding the can of whipped cream. “You didn't have dessert earlier ...” he reminded him and Brian looked at the can in Justin's hand. “Reddi-wip? Now there's a name to conjure with” and grinning back at him, Brian hooked a finger in the waistband of Justin's pants and led him down the hall and into their bedroom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin placed the can of cream on the nightstand and untied his sneakers and toed them off before Brian pushed him back onto the bed and pulled off the younger man's socks. Then, leaning forward, he unzipped Justin's jeans and pulled them and his underwear off and tossed them on the floor, while Justin took off his own tee. Quickly, Brian took off his own shoes and socks; Justin grinning as he watched him strip off his tee; dropping it on the floor on top of Justin's and he reached out to undo the man's belt and zipper; pulling Brian's pants and underwear down below his knees to allow him to kick them off. Now both men were naked, Brian knelt on the bed and leaned forward to kiss him; Justin putting his hands behind Brian's neck and pulling him down. Brian's beard tickled his face like it always did and Justin opened his mouth to allow Brian's tongue to explore the warm cavern; both men's tongues battling for supremacy. Brian deepened the kiss, but eventually forced to take in oxygen, he pulled back; nipping Justin's bottom lip before releasing him. During the kiss, Justin had his eyes closed, but now he smiled up at him and reached out to pick up the can of cream from the nightstand; it wasn't there and surprised, he turned back; Brian held the can above his head. “Hey ... that was my idea ...” “And like all good ideas ... it deserves to be shared” Brian came back at him. Justin made to grab it, but Brian kept it out of reach and grinning down at him, he gently pushed Justin back down into the pillows with his free hand. “Close your eyes ...” Justin groaned; Brian's own eyes were shining; the light from the nightstand catching the gold flecks and unable to refuse the man anything, Justin did as he was told. Brian watched Justin's face and heard him gasp; a reaction that increased his own hardness, but he was determined not to hurry this. He'd always thought Justin was good enough to eat and now he was about to do just that. “That's cold!” exclaimed the blond; the first thing he felt was the cold, hardness of the can as it was rolled down his chest and over his stomach; the sensation shooting straight to his cock as Brian continued to roll the can down the inside of Justin's thigh and then back up the other; purposely avoiding his member: that would come last. Brian felt Justin shudder; from the cold as well as the anticipation of what was to come. Then the rattle of the ball-bearing could clearly be heard in the quietness of the room as Brian shook the can, followed by the air and contents being expelled. The first dab of cream was for Justin's nose; and he looked so damned cute: just like he had earlier when Gus had done it while making their ice-cream sundaes for desert. “That tickles” giggled Justin as Brian leaned down to lick it off. “Keep your eyes shut” Brian reminded him and he shook the can again; this time aiming for Justin's nipples; rolling his tongue around the hardened nebs before alternately licking and sucking; first one and then the other: tasting the light, sweetness of the cream; he shook the can again. Justin's navel was next to receive attention; Brian's tongue dipping in and out and he felt the blond's hand running through his hair; his senses running riot and the need to touch him overwhelming; unable to see Brian with his eyes shut like he'd agreed. Trying to keep from watching Brian was driving Justin insane and he folded his arm across his eyes in an attempt to comply with instructions; but it was maddening. Brian knew what Justin was anticipating, but it was too early for that and instead he next moved down to the younger man's feet and deposited a dab of cream on each toe. Justin moaned and felt himself tighten as Brian first sucked the big toe on his right foot; moving across the top of his toes and back again, before moving onto the left foot: taking the toe in and out of his mouth as if he were sucking him off. The blond moaned loudly and arched his back; this was just so fucking hot and Justin knew he was likely to come at any time and willing himself not to: this was too good to be over too quickly. Brian straightened up and moved back up the bed and Justin again heard the can being shaken and he gripped the mattress; screwing the sheet up into his balled fists as he felt the coldness; a line of cream being squirted down the length of his cock and then on to the head. The blood was pounding in Justin's head and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer as Brian licked the length of his shaft; licking off the sweet substance. Working his tongue around the head, Brian cleaned off the cream before taking Justin fully into his mouth; opening his throat: a well practiced move to take the younger man in as deep as possible. He swallowed. Justin couldn't keep his eyes closed any longer and had raised himself up to watch Brian lick the cream from his cock; it was so fucking hot, seeing Brian's tongue scoop up the white confection and when the man's tongue took the last of the cream from the head; Justin gasped and fell back onto the bed. Brian knew Justin had been close and ignoring the ache in his own cock had brought the blond to climax; holding the younger man by the hips in an effort to prevent him bucking as he came; Brian eagerly drinking him down. Justin's body was bathed in sweat; they both were and having taken all that Justin could give, Brian grinned up at him; “You peeked” he accused him, but there was no admonishment in his tone; just satisfaction in the knowledge of the pleasure the younger man had enjoyed and now Brian worked his way back up Justin's body to kiss him; the blond able to taste both cum and cream on Brian's lips; some still dotted in his dark beard which Justin reached out to brush it away. “Jeez, Brian” gasped Justin. “That was fucking amazing” “Alright for you Sunshine ... but it'll mean another ten minutes on the Stair-Master for me tomorrow” Justin grinned. “Not necessarily ...” and he took the can of cream from Brian's hand. “I think it's my turn now ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The following morning, Brian took Gus over to see Buttons. Partly to assure the Powell's that everything was okay and partly to make sure that Gus wouldn't be scared of going near his pony again. But feeding him with carrots, the two quickly made friends once more. Then young Emily spotted him and her mothering/nursing instinct took over and she started fussing over him and much to Brian's amusement, Gus was quite happy to let her. And when asked if he'd like to go over, Gus went back later to spend the afternoon at the Powell's. Towards lunch time, Justin's cell rang; it was Daphne. She wanted to check on Gus and to let Justin know that she had news; Josh had asked her to move in with him. “That's great news Daph ... I mean, you are going to aren't you?” Justin asked her. “Of course I am ... Josh is gorgeous and everything I could have hoped for ... I think this is the one this time, Justin” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lindsay rang to find out how Gus was doing and to ask how Brian was. “We're doing fine,” Brian assured her, but Lindz was disappointed that she could detect an edge in his voice. For although like the rest, she hadn't believed him, at least she'd wanted Gus to know his Father and had been in favor of his visits; once she'd got Mel to agree of course. “Will you ever forgive us?” Lindsay asked him and she heard Brian sigh. “I don't know Lindz ... I would have hoped at least you or Michael would have believed me” “Have you spoken with him?” “No ... I was half expecting him to call” “I'm sure he'll be in touch,” said Lindsay, hopefully. “Well ... I won't hold my breath” Brian answered her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the end, Gus stayed five days, with Brian agreeing for Lindsay to come and collect him after that time so that he could spend a day at Deb's before they headed off back home. Brian was sure going to miss him. It was his last evening and Gus had gone up to bed, saying he could manage on his own, but Brian followed a few minutes later just to make sure and, once his son was settled, came back down to the kitchen to find Justin clearing up. “He's had a great time,” stated Justin as he emptied the dishwasher. “He's not the only one,” admitted Brian and he helped himself to a soda from the fridge. “Want one?” “Mmm please,” answered Justin and Brian popped the lids; Justin picked his up from the counter where Brian had placed it and took a swallow. He looked at Brian; the man gazing down into his soda bottle; he could tell where Brian's mind was. “It's not been easy ... has it?” the blond asked him, finally deciding to brooch the subject they'd been mostly avoiding while Gus was there. “I can't imagine what you've been going through all this time,” and Brian sighed. “I can't believe it's finally over ... that everyone knows I didn't deliberately drive when I knew I shouldn't” and turning out the kitchen light they moved out into the hallway. “They are sorry, Brian ... all of them ... and I know how feeble that sounds ... after everything ... and I'm sure they'd want to make it up to you ... if they can” “They can't give me back four years” stated Brian as they reached the door to the living room. “When none of them wanted anything to do with me ... and all the time without Gus that I've lost forever” “But you've got him back now” urged Justin and placing a hand on Brian's arm. “I don't think Mel and Lindz will have the nerve to be difficult about you seeing him again ... and it has to be the future you concentrate on now ... not the past” Brian stopped in the doorway and looked at him and then he smiled. “Sounds like you're talking from experience” Justin looked down and then back up. “After the bashing ... I never thought I could move on ... but then I realized I had to ... otherwise he would have won ... and I wasn't going to let that happen” “You must do the same ...” Brian hesitated, but knowing how true Justin's words were, he then moved inside the living room, turning out the lights to leave the room bathed only in the amber glow from the fire and he sat down on the sofa; Justin beside him. Brian reached out and ran his hand through the soft blond hair; this younger man so much wiser than his years and then he sat back in his seat; he took a swallow of soda. “So what do I do?” asked Brian, eventually and he shrugged. “Act as if nothing has happened ... go back to Kinnetik ... pick that part of my life back up again?” “If that's what you want ... there's absolutely no reason why not,” Justin stated firmly and Brian knew what he meant; that there was now no reason whatsoever why he should lock himself away; neither feeling guilty about what he was supposed to do, or because of the scars he carried; the ones only he knew where there; both physical and emotional. Brian shrugged. “I guess ...” and he grinned. “I could just imagine Theodore's reaction if I said I was picking up the reins again ... but it'd be good to know if I could still do it” Suddenly, Justin's heart lurched. Brian picked up that Justin had gone quiet right away and he saw the look of concern that flitted across the blond's face as he looked away from him. “Hey ...” and Brian placed the soda bottle on the side table and then reached out and with his fingers under Justin's chin, tilted the younger man's face up to look at him. “What is it?” Justin bit his lip. “If you decide to start again ... go back to your old life and pick up the threads ... will there be room for me?” Brian frowned at Justin's apparent lack of confidence of his place with him. “Things could never go back to how they were before, Justin ... too much has happened,” stated Brian and he saw the fear in Justin's eyes. “But I've kinda got used to having you around” came the understatement and seeing the sparkle in Brian's eyes, Justin smiled. “And I want you around for a very long time” Brian assured him. “How long?” whispered Justin as he leaned in to kiss him and then he saw the seriousness in Brian's expression. “How does ... forever ... sound to you?” “Sounds pretty good to me ...” answered the blond and he kissed him again. And now, resting his head on Brian's shoulder, they watched the fire dancing in the hearth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The following morning, Brian rang Lindsay at Deb's to say he'd bring Gus back. He'd realized how much it had cost Debbie especially to come to the house that day to tell him the truth; one of them had to make an effort and as Debbie had made the first move, then Brian figured it was up to him to make the next and they loaded all of Gus' presents into the car. Gus hugged Justin and after the youngster had bid another tearful goodbye to both Emily and Buttons, they set off. Justin had asked him if he wanted him to go with him. Brian hesitated, but then politely refused, deciding Justin wasn't a part of the difficulties he'd had with the family and it wasn't fair to put him in the middle. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Parking out front of the house he'd once been such a regular visitor to and where he'd been treated like family, Brian hesitated. But Gus was anxious to see his moms and was quickly out of the car and up to the house. Brian hoped that around Gus and Jenny Rebecca that everyone might be civil and Lindsay came to help him with the presents. “There's even more here than I thought” she joked and Brian smiled as he took Gus' suitcase out of the trunk. “How have you been?” Lindsay asked him and Brian nodded. “Good ... it was great having Gus ...” Lindsay sighed. “After everything ... it was the least we can do and I'm really sorry we put you through all that at the hospital” Brian shrugged. “You were only looking out for him and you were probably right ... he probably did need his moms right then ... most kids do when they're sick or hurt” “But we shouldn't have disregarded your feelings,” Lindsay admitted, as they walked up the steps and Brian hesitated on the doorstep. “Are you coming in?” Lindsay asked him and at that moment, Debbie stepped out onto the porch. “Jeez ... it's cold out here” and she picked up a bag of Gus' presents. “There's coffee on the stove” she informed them and Brian smiled to himself; that was obviously Debbie's way of inviting him in. Stepping inside and closing the door behind him, Brian heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Vic and Rodney sitting at the kitchen table; if anyone was capable of diffusing an awkward situation it was Vic and both men got up and greeted him warmly; Vic squeezing his arm and letting him know he was always behind him 100%. “I'll take that” offered Melanie and she half smiled at Brian as she took Gus' bag from him to take upstairs. It was sticking in her craw that they'd been wrong about Brian all these years, but she couldn't yet bring herself to apologize properly; saying nothing and being civil was the best Brian could expect and that was what he got: Lindsay followed her up with a bag of presents. Having gone to the stove, Debbie automatically poured out a cup of coffee and handed it to Brian without waiting for him to reply. “Take the load off” she invited him and she indicated the sofa. Brian hesitated but he caught Vic's look and knowing it was probably now up to him as to whether or not he would allow everyone to apologize, Brian took a seat. But it wasn't going to be easy. Jenny Rebecca had been sitting at the kitchen table drawing and Gus had gone over to her with the art set Justin had given to him; allowing his sister to use some of the colored pencils. “That's nice” noted Debbie. “Justin gave it to me” stated Gus and Debbie nodded and looked over at Brian. “That was very generous of him” “Well ... he thinks the world of Gus” stated Brian and answering Debbie directly. She held his gaze and smiled at him; recognizing what it took for Brian to come there despite everything and that maybe, just maybe, he wanted the family back together again as much as she did. But it would take time; especially for Brian, who'd spent years hiding behind walls and pretending he didn't have any feelings to be able to forgive and forget; and why should he. After all they'd put him through. But this was a start. With Vic and Rodney present, the conversation stayed light-hearted and friendly and mostly concentrated on what Gus and Jenny Rebecca had received for Christmas. “How are things between you and Justin?” Lindsay asked Brian; everyone else had ended up in the kitchen and she'd put her hand on his arm and taken him to one side. The man couldn't resist a smile at her question and Lindsay smiled back. Brian didn't really need to say anything; his reaction had done that. “He's a very talented young man ... I'm hoping he'll do a show in Toronto” stated Lindsay and Brian nodded. “I'm sure he'll find a space in his diary for you somewhere” he joked and Lindz punched him lightly on the arm. “And what about you ... will you come with him?” Brian thought for a moment and looked over at Gus chatting to his sister; he had all the motivation he needed between Gus and Justin and Brian nodded. “Yeah ... sure ... I'd love to come up to Toronto ... it'll be a good opportunity to see Gus” Lindsay smiled. “Well ... it's good to hear that ... not that the invitation hasn't been there all along ... but it's good to hear you now think you can make the trip” Brian smiled back at her and then looked away. She was right; he now had every reason on earth to pick his life back up; surely there couldn't be any going back now. Lindsay hesitated and then placed her hand on his arm. “How will you feel if Justin's career really takes off?” she asked him. “It could mean you spending time apart ...” Brian looked down at the floor and then back at her; he shrugged. “I don't own him Lindz ... he's free to do whatever he wants ...” Lindsay narrowed her eyes and studied him. “Now ... why are you trying to sound as if you don't really care ... when it's obvious how much you love him?” she asked him. “Just because I love him doesn't give me the right to tie him down ... stop him doing what he wants ... what he's good at” Brian answered her. “If I loved him that much ... how could I deny him that?” “No ... I know you wouldn't do that ...” stated Lindsay. “And I guess if you both want it bad enough ... then you'll find a way” They chatted for a little while longer, but then refusing a second cup of coffee and knowing he couldn't put off the inevitable, Brian got up out of his chair to leave and he hugged Lindsay and exchanged smiles with an embarrassed Melanie and with friendly acknowledgments to the others, Brian started for the door. “Hey champ” Brian cleared his throat when Gus came trotting over to him and mindful of his still bruised arm, Brian couldn't resist picking up the boy to hug him tightly and then placed him back on the floor and he forced a smile. Seeing how obviously upset Brian was at saying goodbye and not wanting to embarrass him, everyone looked away while the man composed himself. “You be good now ... and I'll see you real soon” Brian promised him as he ruffled the boy's hair and he moved away. But as he stepped outside, Gus came running after him and hugged him again. “Love you Dad” Gus stated; tears now running down his face and he looked up at him and this time Brian could only just stop his own tears from brimming over. “Love you too, son” he whispered back at him and Lindsay came over and put her hands on Gus's shoulders. Looking back as he pulled away from the curb, Brian waved and Gus and Lindsay waved back and hitting the switch, the window rolled up; hiding Brian's face once more as the man fought to get a grip of himself. But this time, his thoughts were of a visit to Toronto and that there was no reason now why he couldn't see Gus more regularly if he had a mind to. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin was putting away his cell phone when Brian got back and the younger man didn't need to ask him how he was. He knew how hard it was for Brian to see Gus leave each time, but now he hoped the man would start to see him more often; and the offer of a show in Toronto for Justin would be an additional reason to get him up there. So he didn't bother asking Brian if he was okay, because he knew the man couldn't possibly be, so instead, he just kissed him and everything he wanted to say was conveyed in that one affectionate act. But while Brian had been out, Justin had received an unexpected invitation. “Mom's asked us to go over on New Year's day” Justin informed Brian and the older man frowned. “We ... as in ... you AND me?” and Justin nodded. “Well ... that's a turnaround ... she didn't want to know me before ...” “I know ... but I told her the truth about the accident ... I think she's a bit embarrassed she let Debbie and the others persuade her to think so bad of you ...” “I think she's actually a fan ... of your movies I mean” “And I'm going to have to get my ass in gear if I'm gonna meet my next deadline” Brian answered him as he made for the study. “So ... what do you think ... about going to Mom's?” asked Justin as he followed him inside. Brian sighed. “I'm not sure, Justin ... meeting the Mother-in-law isn't exactly high on my to do list” and he sat down behind the desk and powered up the laptop. “Is that how you think of her ... as your Mother-in-law?” questioned Justin as he approached him and Brian hesitated; maybe he was running a little ahead of himself. But he had told Justin that he loved him and meant it with all his heart. But using the term Mother-in-law implied he had the thought of marriage in mind; something totally alien to his consciousness, even if it could only be symbolic in the state of PA and he looked up at the blond. “Just a figure of speech” Brian informed him, but at the back of his mind, Brian was beginning to wonder if that was what he really meant. Justin saw the hesitation in Brian's eyes and his heart flipped. Could Brian really have marriage on his mind, even if he hadn't thought about it seriously yet? But he knew this was definitely one subject he couldn't push. Besides, Brian had already told him he loved him and that he wanted him in his life forever, so what more could he possibly need? Justin didn't need a public declaration; he was sure he knew exactly what Brian's feelings were for him. Best to leave well alone; at least for now. “So ... do we go?” Brian sighed and looked up at Justin and he could tell by the expression on the blond's face that he really wanted him to say yes. Justin had been raised in a loving family, even if his asshole of a Father now wanted nothing to do with him. But his Mom had stood by him; she was important to him. “Sure ... why not?” Brian answered him and smiling, Justin walked back out into the hallway to make the call and to allow Brian to get on with some work. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New Year's Eve arrived and even though Brian and Justin had been invited over to Vic and Rodney's, they knew Debbie and the gang would probably be there. Brian politely refused and Vic totally understood; coming face to face with the gang en mass like that so soon would probably be too awkward and uncomfortable all round. “Don't feel you have to stay in with me” Brian informed Justin and the younger man smiled at him. “As if I'd want to be with anyone else ... tonight of all nights” he came back at him, much to the older man's relief. “Besides ... I'm sure we can find some way of making the new year come in with a bang ...” and he grinned. Justin had been out earlier to pick up a few groceries they'd needed and had replaced a certain can of whipped cream. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ New Year's Day; Brian had phoned his order through and a bouquet of flowers was delivered to the house which they took with them, together with a bottle of wine Brian had chosen and some chocolates that Justin had bought. With formalities out of the way, it was obvious that Jennifer found entertaining her son with his male lover more than just a little embarrassing. Jennifer had met previous guys that Justin had seen from time to time, but none of them had ever lasted long and certainly none of them had ever been as attractive and intelligent and a good conversationalist as Brian turned out to be, nor had Justin been as involved with someone before as he was with Brian. And the older man was on his best behavior, whereas a few years ago Brian would probably have got drunk and ended up half-naked on the dining room table and making a pass at their hostess' boyfriend; gay or straight. Tucker, eager to make Jennifer happy, had mostly gone out of his way to make Justin feel comfortable, even though he knew he'd had problems getting his head around the fact that his Mother was still seen as attractive and sexy; especially by a much younger man. A great deal of give and take was required on both sides, but, as they both loved Jennifer and wanted to make her happy, an understanding had been met. And Tucker liked Brian; he liked the man's dry sense of humor and admired him for what he'd achieved and moreover, what he'd recently had to overcome. And by the end of the evening, both Jennifer and Tucker were pretty much won over. Of course, Tucker's opinion was only secondary as far as Justin was concerned. But seeing his Mom laugh at one of Brian's jokes and generally taking a genuine interest in his work, Justin inwardly sighed with relief. “See ... that wasn't so bad” Justin smiled at Brian as they drove away. They'd taken Justin's car as the younger man wanted to show it off to his Mom, who had been suitably impressed. “I guess not” Brian reluctantly agreed and then he smiled. “I certainly hope it won me the appropriate amount of Brownie points ...” and he cocked his head to one side and rolled his lips into his mouth. Justin grinned back at him and reached out and patted his knee. “I'm sure I can think of suitable way to say thank you ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kathleen returned early January and had obviously had a wonderful time with her family and the grandkids especially and they all soon settled back into the routine, with the house running like clockwork. With Christmas and the new year over, Justin had returned to work. He'd taken leave between those dates, but Ted hadn't really expected him to go in and was only too surprised and pleased that indeed Justin wanted to continue working at Kinnetik at all after everything. But he was obviously nervous about Brian's intentions. “I don't really know what he plans to do, Ted ... I don't think Brian knows yet himself” and he saw Ted frown. Justin placed his hand on the older man's arm. “But I wouldn't have thought you'd have anything to worry about ... you and Cyn have done such a great job ... knowing Brian, he wouldn't want to split up a winning team” Then, three weeks into the new year, Brian had a surprise for Justin. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian had told Kathleen he wouldn't need her to make their evening meal. With the unexpected free time, she rang a neighbor she'd made friends with just after her husband died and who she was keen to keep in touch with and they made arrangements to go shopping and then have dinner and go to a movie. Justin's studio was finished and while the younger man had been the one to design it, Brian had added a few extra touches of his own that the blond wasn't aware of and had overseen the work himself: going to great lengths to keep Justin out of the stable block in the last couple of weeks. Brian grinned as he locked the door and though he'd fought it, he couldn't stop himself from calling Justin and telling him it was all done; tonight they were going to see it finished for the first time together. He'd tried not to sound too eager to make sure that Justin was going to be getting home on time. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pacing the floor, Brian checked his watch again; Justin should be home any time now; judging from when he rang to say he was leaving. Sure enough, a few minutes later, he heard the younger man's car draw up on the driveway and then the car door slam and the garage door descend. Christ, he was getting hard just thinking about what he'd got planned in the next few minutes. Coming in the door, Justin threw his backpack on the kitchen table and moved across the floor to where Brian was standing. He grinned at him and, up on tiptoes, stretched up to kiss him. “I have been so fucking horny since you called ... I couldn't wait to get home ... I thought I'd never get the new Eyeconic Optics boards finished ....” and Justin pulled away. “Eyeconic huh ... it's good to hear we're hanging on to old clients ...” and Brian grabbed him by the arm and playfully pulled him back; wanting to prolong the anticipation as long as he was able; which wouldn't be long at this rate. Justin looked at him pleadingly. “Can we go now ... please ... please!!” and he tried to pull away. Brian grinned at him. “God ... I love it when you're this excited ...” But the truth was, Brian's stomach was turning somersaults; and knowing he couldn't wait to see the blond's reaction any longer, he took the younger man's hand and led him outside; locking the back door behind them. Justin frowned and wondered why Brian had done that and how long did it take to check out a studio, but Brian was practically dragging him down the pathway; the older man's own excitement now too much to contain. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The security light came on as they approached the door, but the interior was still dark. Taking the key from his pocket, Brian handed it to Justin. “Here ... you'll need this ...” Justin grinned as he unlocked the door and let it swing open. “Well ... aren't you going to carry me across?” he asked him, only half joking. “Don't get carried away, Sunshine” came the reply, but Brian was saving his strength for later and laughing, Justin stepped inside and felt for the light switch. And when the lights flickered and then came full on, he was dumbstruck; his eyes opening wide and his mouth dropping open when he saw how his vision had played out. It was dark outside, but daylight bulbs had been fitted throughout inside and the light was perfect, even now. In the daytime, a skylight and large windows to the rear, front and one side of the room would provide more than enough natural light for what Justin needed. Brian moved inside and closed the door behind him. Everything smelled wonderfully new and Justin brushed his fingers along the counter that ran along one side; grinning widely. “It's incredible ... I never thought it would look like this ...” There was also a large work surface in the middle of the floor with a couple of high stools and plenty of storage space for all of Justin's art equipment, together with a comfortable leather sofa and a coffee table. In addition, Justin's computer had been set up; one corner serving as an office area. As well as there being a sink in the workroom, there was also a small kitchen area and Justin noticed what appeared to be a closet or large cupboard on the wall and looked back at Brian in his confusion; he didn't remember that being in his designs. Brian grinned and opening up the hinged doors revealed a fold-down bed, which he lowered. “I know what you're like ... getting up at all hours when the need to create hits you ... at least you can crash here for an hour or two if you need to” Justin grinned at him. “You think of everything” “Yeah ... well don't go leaving me in our bed ... cold and all alone too often ... I might just have to find other ways to amuse myself” Brian informed him; a smile playing on his lips. Justin's smile turned into a frown when he noticed the red ribbon on the door handle to what he thought was going to be the bathroom and, approaching the door, he looked back over his shoulder at Brian who had folded his arms and now rolled his lips into his mouth; trying to keep a poker face. “Go on ... open it ...” Justin, with his hand on the doorknob, continued to look back at Brian and he cocked his head to one side with a question in his eyes. "Is this why you wouldn't let me in the last couple of weeks ... some kind of surprise?" "You might say that ... go on ... open the door and see" Justin turned the knob and opened the door; he gasped as he saw the sunken jacuzzi, large enough for two, sitting in the corner opposite. There were scented candles all around the room with shadows dancing on the walls and soft music playing from speakers recessed in the wall. The tub was full and he could see the steam rising from the water; a bottle of Champagne in a cooler with two glasses off to one side. Brian had ventured no further than the doorway as Justin had explored inside and, with tears in his eyes, the younger man turned around to face him. “The studio ... this ... I don't know what to say ...” “You don't have to say anything ... just seeing you produce the work that I know you're capable of will be more than enough” and in fact, just seeing Justin's reaction was all Brian really needed. But he was serious in what he'd said. Hopefully, in the right environment, Justin would produce his finest work but, for a fleeting moment, Brian wondered again, where Justin's talent might take him. But he couldn't allow that to bother him now; he couldn't allow himself to worry that Justin's gift might keep them apart. But what could he do? Justin was his art and without it, he most probably wouldn't be the sensitive, creative man Brian had fallen in love with and he could never hold him back. “This'll be a great place for you to relax” Brian continued, putting those negative thoughts to one side. “For both of us” corrected Justin and he moved back to him; reaching out, he ran his fingers through Brian's beard, marveling again at the thoughtfulness of this man and the fact that there didn't seem to be anything he wouldn't do for him. Brian smiled; “I'd like to think I'd be invited from time to time ... but this is your space ... I wouldn't want to intrude” Justin shook his head. “You're a part of this now ... a part of my life ... a big part” and he smiled. “The biggest ...” but Brian shook his head. “No, Justin ... your art will always be the dominating feature in your life ... it was long before I came on the scene” And he took a deep breath before continuing. “It's what drives you ... makes you who you are” and seeing Justin's worried look, Brian smiled. “But I'll always be here ... whatever happens this is your home now” Eyes still shining with tears, Justin smiled up at him. “There must be some way I can thank you” “There is” and Brian stroked Justin's face with the back of his hand. “Do what you were born to ... become the best ... the best homosexual you can be ... and then ...” and he hesitated and sighed. “And then what?” asked Justin, trying to read Brian's expression. Brian knew in his heart what he wanted to say, but he didn't want Justin to think it was an expectation. “Tell me ... Brian ... tell me how you feel ... what you want” stated Justin and he sighed. “You've done everything for me ... there must be something I can do for you ...” Justin held Brian's gaze; almost daring him to look away and deny he didn't need anything from their relationship and eventually Brian nodded and smiled. “When you're ready ... when you've done what you need to do and only then ... come home to me ...” Justin's lips parted in a half-sob as Brian gave him permission to pursue his dreams. No, not permission, for Brian would never feel that Justin should need his approval or consent: the man making it clear he would never put a hold on him, which made Justin love him even more. “I will ...” Justin whispered and then Brian smiled, his heart now thumping in his chest at hearing the words he could only hope for and at the love that just radiated from the younger man; a love that gave him so much strength to love in return and he swallowed; trying to remove the lump in his throat. “In the meantime ... there's a tub built for two going to waste in there ...” and he smiled; not wanting this evening to end on a somber note, but needing to let Justin know there was no way he'd expect him to give up his dreams and aspirations and become something he wasn't destined to be. Justin swallowed. “Well ... we can't let that happen” and vowing silently to himself and Brian that he would indeed always come home to this beautiful man, he began to unbutton Brian's shirt. Brian raised an eyebrow and nodded; “I think you've got the right idea ...” he grinned at him and undoing Justin's pants; his need for this young man now too strong to ignore. Brian fought to slow down; he wanted this to last as long as possible, but once both naked, they moved to the tub; lowering themselves into the hot, bubbling water. Brian reached out and picked up the two glasses and handed them to Justin; he then picked up the bottle of Champagne and popped the cork. “To great things” toasted Brian, as he poured the Champagne and he replaced the bottle and took one of the glasses from Justin. “To us” stated Justin, emphatically and Brian smiled; hoping the younger man would always feel that way. Brian took a swallow of his Champagne, but Justin downed his drink in one and grinned as he leaned over and placed his empty glass on the floor. “The price of this stuff ... you're supposed to sip it,” Brian reminded him but the younger man was already moving through the water towards him and he kissed him. Justin's kisses seemed to go on forever and Brian leaned back his head as the blond proceeded down his neck and across his throat and down his chest and then Justin took a deep breath. Feeling the younger man take him in his mouth under the hot water, Brian thought he was going to come straight away. It was obvious Justin wasn't going to be able to keep this up for long and in actual fact, Brian was amazed at how long Justin could actually hold his breath and blow him off at the same time. And then all too soon, he felt the younger man release him and Justin's head bobbed above the surface. “That was pretty hot ...” “Sorry I couldn't hold my breath for any longer,” stated the blond; wiping his face with his hand. “Don't worry,” stated Brian as he put down his glass. “I came prepared ...” Justin looked at him quizzically, and then Brian reached out and slid back a small door behind Justin's head to reveal a recess behind it; condoms and lube all ready and waiting. “Just in case” he grinned at him. Brian opened the packet and Justin took the condom off him and watching Brian's face, he ran his fingers down Brian's chest and stomach and reached under the surface of the water to the man's cock; rolling it on to him. Keeping one hand around the base of his cock to ensure the condom stayed secure, Brian leaned back as Justin moved onto him and feeling the man enter him. Using the tub for leverage, Justin rode Brian. Ensuring contact was maintained between them, Brian put his hand at the back of Justin's neck, pulling him onto his cock even further. Brian had been close to coming before and it wasn't long until he climaxed; filling the condom. Justin grinned and leaning out the tub to retrieve bottle and glasses, poured them both refills. “You know ... that bed looked pretty comfortable ...” Getting out the tub, Brian took off the condom and tossed it in a small trash can; reaching behind the door, he retrieved two white and hugely fluffy robes, the first one he wrapped around Justin and the second he put on himself. Then he grabbed further supplies and they moved outside into the main room and lying on the bed, for a little while they just talked, Justin telling him all the things he hoped he might produce in his new studio; his excitement hard to contain. Making love to Justin on the fold-down bed was probably the most romantic thing Brian had ever done in his entire existence and he wanted tonight to go on forever and promised himself that whatever happened, he'd be doing this with Justin for the rest of his life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With the studio finished, there was no stopping Justin. The dates for the showing in New York had come through; it had been pushed back to March, for which he'd actually been thankful for as it gave him more time to prepare. Ted had been very accommodating and had allowed Justin to more or less pick his hours, but both of them knew the situation couldn't go on for much longer and that Justin would probably be leaving soon in order to paint full-time. Brian knuckled down to work as well and had never been so content in all his life and for now, not daring to think about the future. And he made frequent visits to the studio; the jacuzzi proving to be a very useful addition. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Justin ... I'm no expert ... but even I can see how incredible your work is ... even more than before” stated Daphne as she picked up first one piece of Justin's artwork and then another. “Do you really think so?” Justin asked Daphne and his friend nodded and sat on one of the stools at his workbench. They hadn't managed to catch up in a few weeks and Justin had invited her over to see his new studio. “Well I have been experimenting more ... taking a few chances” continued Justin. His confidence had soared in recent weeks and he felt capable of trying different methods and styles and taking risks. “I guess living ... and working here really has helped” and he smiled. “Brian has such faith in me ... I feel like I can try anything ... accomplish anything” and he sat down on a stool beside her. “I know he'll support me in whatever I want to do ... do you know how liberating that is, Daph ... to know that the man I love and who loves me allows me such freedom ... without any questions ... boundaries or explanations” and he sighed and brought his stool closer. “You're very lucky, Justin ... to have found a man like that ... who'll love you so unconditionally” and Daphne smiled at him. Justin studied her. “I think you've been pretty lucky yourself” and Daphne grinned even wider. “Josh wants to get engaged ... he's asked me what I think about a summer wedding” Justin slid of his stool and hugged her. “Oh Daph ... I'm so pleased” and he pulled back to look at her. “You are going to say yes” and Daph nodded. “I'm just holding out a teeny bit longer” and she grinned. “But I've made up my mind ... I'm telling him yes when he gets home tonight” “Well ... I think that's cause for celebration” and moving to the kitchen, Justin brought out a pitcher of orange juice from the refrigerator and poured two large glasses; they clinked them together. “To the future” proposed Justin and Daph nodded. “And to the men in our lives” she added. “I'll drink to that” returned Justin, grinning broadly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The date for the show in NYC was getting closer and with only a week or so to go, Justin was also getting quieter, which Brian had put down to anxiety that he would be ready in time. Justin had talked to the gallery owner on numerous occasions and arrangements had been made for his work to be packed up and shipped out in a couple of days and then Justin would travel there in time to oversee its hanging and for the start of the show. After that, he wasn't sure how much longer he should stay there. The gallery manager had suggested that Justin get himself an agent and had put him in touch with Miles Dory, listed on the Art Register as someone used to handling emerging artists and someone he'd recommended before with successful results. “After a show in New York ... all sorts of people will want to talk to you once they've seen your work ... they'll all want a piece of you” stated Brian after dinner one evening, when they'd taken coffee into the living room. “You'll probably need someone who can take care of you and get you in to all the right parties ... so you can be seen at the right places ...” “But that could take weeks” Justin protested. “What ... you thought you'd be the next Andy Warhol without getting out on the scene? Without mixing it with the arty crowd?” asked Brian and Justin frowned. No, of course he hadn't been that naïve. He just hadn't wanted to think about what it might take to get accepted and how long it might mean him being away; away from Brian. Brian sighed and put down his coffee cup and walked over to Justin who was standing by the fireplace and who now seemed very down. He thought Justin had understood, but the younger man seemed to be wavering. “Justin ... you have a gift ... an incredibly wonderful gift ... and it deserves to be seen by as many people as possible ...” “But it takes a lot to get established ... and if that means you being away a couple of weeks ... a month ... or even a year ... it doesn't matter ... it's only time ... and we have the rest of our lives ahead of us” “But I'm not even sure this is what I want” stated Justin, obviously confused and Brian put his hand at the back of the younger man's neck and pulled him closer. “You saw the reaction to the show in the Pitts” Brian stated and Justin nodded. “It was incredible ...more than I could ever dream about” and Justin sighed. “But it scares me too” he admitted and Brian smiled at him. “Success can be like that” Brian agreed. “It brings responsibilities we had no idea about ... but you can't be scared that you won't be a success?” and he frowned at the younger man's apparent doubts. “No ... not that I won't succeed ... but whether I want to ... especially ...” and Justin stopped abruptly and looked away. “Especially what?” Brian asked him; searching Justin's face for the truth and Justin hesitated; he looked close to tears. “Especially if it means I have to spend so much time away from here ... away from you ... if all the shows people talked about actually happen ... and that New York really is the center of the universe as far as the art world is concerned ...” “Justin ... this is what you've been working toward ... this is who you are” Brian stated, firmly and Justin closed his eyes and pulled away; he knew it was the truth, but the prospect of leaving Brian, even for a short while, was too painful to even contemplate, but Brian reached out and brought him around to face him. “When you thought you wouldn't be able to paint after the bashing ... you thought you didn't want to go on ... didn't you ... well didn't you?” Brian demanded and Justin closed his eyes and nodded. “But you did ... despite all the odds ... because it's what makes you who you are ... and without it ... you'd never truly be happy or fulfilled” Gently, Brian stroked Justin's face with the back of his hand. “I can't ... I won't let you give up the chance to be who you are ... who you are meant to be” and he smiled. “Just because you feel you should be here ... with me” and although Brian knew just how hard it was going to be to see him leave, it had to be this way in order to ensure they would survive. “If you don't do this ... in a few years you'll look back and wonder what might have been ... and then you'll blame me for stopping you ... and that'll tear us apart quicker than anything ...” Justin sighed; he knew Brian was right but it felt like he was taking everything and giving nothing back in return. “You've done so much for me ... it just feels like I'm running out on you” confessed Justin. “If this opportunity came up and I wasn't around ... would you go then?” Brian asked him and Justin looked away. “Justin?” repeated Brian, expecting an answer and the younger man nodded. “I suppose ...” and then he nodded. “Yes ... of course I'd go ...” he admitted. Brian nodded. “There's your answer ... and you've given me more than you'll ever know” he assured him. “I love you ... but we're not like straight folks,” stated Brian; hoping Justin would understand. “We're two fags ... two guys who have careers ... not a couple where one of us is going to be content to stay home and play house ... be the little wifey ... that's not who we are ...” “And besides ... you have to go out there and be the best homosexual you can be ... remember?” Brian smiled at him and Justin smiled in return. “Because there's nothing that pisses off straight people more than a successful fag ...” the younger man stated; remembering Brian's words. But he knew they were true and that he wouldn't even know how to survive if he couldn't express himself through his art and that if he didn't give this a go, he'd end up hating himself and worse still, hating Brian. Reaching out, Brian pulled the younger man onto his chest and Justin looked up at him; Brian pushed the blond hair back from Justin's forehead and smiled. “The only chance we have of making this work is because we want it to ... without one of us stifling the other ...” “And giving up your dreams to be something you're not isn't love ... it's sacrifice ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kathleen had cooked a really nice dinner and without being asked, she laid the table for Brian and Justin to eat in the dining room instead of the kitchen. With everything ready, she said goodnight and went over to her own rooms; leaving the two men to dish the food up for themselves. It was the night before Justin was due to leave for NYC and even though they'd decided this was exactly the right thing for the younger man to do, neither of them was looking forward to the moment he actually left. Brian couldn't help himself but he grinned when he saw the elaborate table settings, complete with candles. “She means well” stated Justin, knowing romantic notions didn't really come easy to Brian. He knew the man was unlikely to ever buy him roses, but he gave him something much more precious than meaningless romantic gestures; he'd given him license to be himself: something worth more than a thousand bunches of flowers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ They tried to do justice to the food, but neither really had much of an appetite and it seemed to Justin that Brian still had something on his mind, even though he'd been emphatic in his agreement for Justin's pursuit of his art and he'd been around the man long enough now to know that a lot more went on underneath than was actually portrayed on the surface. But this time, Brian was finding it hard to keep his emotions in check. Eventually giving up on the meal, they moved into the living room and for a few moments, Brian stood and looked at the portrait of himself with Gus that was hanging there and he smiled in relief; knowing he was doing exactly the right thing in his willingness to let Justin go at least. Justin couldn't not ask; he didn't want to go away without anything left unsaid between them and he walked over to Brian and put a hand on the man's shoulder. “It's not as if we're not going to be seeing each other ... the opening's only days away ... but if you want to talk about what we're doing again ... that's fine by me ... I don't care how often we go over it ... I'd rather that then not talk about it at all ...” Brian sighed and rolled his lips into his mouth before reaching into his pocket and taking out a small box. But then he closed his eyes and groaned. “What ... what is it?” asked Justin and Brian opened his eyes and looked at him. While Justin had been painting, Brian had done a little shopping. “This seemed like such a good idea at the time ... but I'm not sure that now I'm not going to make a fucking idiot of myself” and he sighed and rubbed his temple. “You could never do that” assured Justin and he smiled. “So ... tell me” and his heart was thumping in his chest; coincidentally, so was Brian's. Brian looked at him and then opened the box. Inside there were two platinum rings. “They're Irish Claddagh rings ...” Brian informed him; looking into the box and not looking at Justin and the younger man nodded. “I know what they are,” he said quietly and overcome by this totally unexpected and most romantic of gestures. “But did you know that how you wear them has a specific meaning?” asked Brian, finally looking at him and this time, Justin shook his head. Brian took the smaller of the rings out of the box and held it up for Justin to see. “If you wear them on the right hand ... with the crown turned inwards ... if means your heart is still unoccupied ... but if you wear them with the crown turned outwards ... it shows a special commitment to someone ...” “What if you wear them on the left hand?” Justin asked wistfully and Brian smiled. “With the crown turned outwards ... it means two people's love and friendship will reign forever ...” “Are you asking me to marry you?” asked Justin and then immediately regretted his question; he didn't want to put Brian on the spot and not be able to stick around long enough to completely talk it through. Brian sighed, it was obvious he really wasn't exactly sure what he was asking. “If I show you how I feel,” stated Justin, after a moment's silence. “It doesn't mean you have to say the same ... I'll understand if you're not ready” and now facing Brian square on, he held out his left hand. Brian smiled as he placed the ring on Justin's finger. “How did you do that ... get exactly the right size?” Justin asked him in amazement as he fingered the ring and Brian grinned. “I put a piece of string around your finger while you were asleep” he admitted and both men laughed and then they went quiet as Justin took the second ring from the box in Brian's hand and waited; Brian put the empty box on the mantelpiece and looked down at both his hands. “Marriage is a big step, Justin ... especially for a couple of fags” sighed Brian. “But love and commitment?” and he nodded. “That part ... that part I now think I can manage ... if you'll have me ...” and he held out his left hand and smiling broadly, Justin placed the ring on Brian's finger. “This doesn't mean we're tied down ... what I said before still stands ... that you're free to pursue whatever you have to ... and however long it takes ...” stated Brian. “But I want you to know that I'll be here ... I'll always be here ... waiting ... and that I'll love you no matter what ... you do understand that ... don't you?” Justin rubbed Brian's arm and looked up into those beautiful hazel eyes. “I do ... of course I do ...” the younger man answered him and Brian took Justin in his arms. “I love you,” whispered Justin; both men's eyes filled with tears and Brian nodded and swallowed. “What time's your flight?” he asked him. “10:00,” Justin answered. “In that case we have plenty of time ...” and leaning down, Brian took the blond in a kiss that told Justin exactly what he needed to know. That he should go; that he should do this and then feel free to come home. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You will come ... for the opening?” Justin asked him. He'd placed his suitcase in the hall just outside Brian's study and crossed the floor to the desk where Brian was sitting; the older man nodded. “I wouldn't miss it ...” and he took a deep breath. Justin had said goodbye to Kathleen who'd hugged him. He then gave her his cell phone number and made her promise she would call him if she was concerned about Brian at all, because he had a sneaky feeling that Brian might not; that he wouldn't want to worry him. “I'll call you as soon as I land ...” the younger man continued and Brian nodded and rolled his lips into his mouth, but didn't answer him. “I gave you the address of the place Miles has booked me into ...” continued Justin and Brian reached into the pocket of his jeans. “Here ... you'll need this ... a little survival money ... you don't want to have to rely on Dory for everything” and he handed it to Justin, who shook his head. “You've done so much already ... I can't take your money ...” “Actually ... it's your money” stated Brian and he saw Justin frown in confusion. “It's the money you've been paying for your keep” and Brian smiled. “You didn't think it came anywhere near to pay for the running of this place ... did you?” and Justin smiled back. “No ... of course not ... I guessed you were just humoring me” Brian shook his head. “No ... I'd never do that ... you wanted to pay your way and you paid what you could ... but you'll make better use of it now” Justin opened the envelope and took out the pass book; he opened it and whistled. “It's been in a high interest account” stated Brian in his attempt at explanation for the amount of zeros on the page. “On what ... the fucking moon?” Justin asked him and then he looked up at Brian and smiled. “Thank you” they both knew Justin's contributions would never reap this kind of reward, but Brian was right, he would need some survival money and it would be better if the agent didn't think Justin wouldn't manage without him and again, Brian had thought of everything. “And I hope you've got room for this in your luggage ...” and getting up from behind his desk he picked up a brand new laptop and handed it to Justin. “It's all set up ... and I'm expecting lots of cyber sex” Brian informed him, forcing a smile and Justin smiled too, despite his heartache. Going out into the hall, he opened up his case and placed the laptop inside; at least now they'd be able to keep in touch by email and I.M. as well as by phone. “Well then ... that's me ... I'm all packed ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin turned in his seat to look at the house; the house of his dreams, as they pulled off the drive. “I'm going to miss this place” “You'll be back before you know it” Brian tried to reassure them both. Brian had offered to drive to the airport, but Justin had told him not to come to the departure lounge and Brian was quite relieved; he didn't want a public parting either. But now they sat in the parking lot; grateful for the tinted windows, for what seemed like ages before one of them spoke. “I guess I should go ...” stated Justin and Brian nodded. “I guess you should ...” Brian smiled and looked at Justin; both men only just managing to keep their emotions in check. “Now kiss me ... and get on that fucking plane ...” stated Brian, his voice quivering and he caught hold of Justin around the back of the young man's neck and they kissed; long and hard and as if both men's lives depended on it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Even though they were constantly in touch, every day that Justin had been gone seemed like a month. But true to his word, Brian went to the opening. Not wanting to distract him, Brian didn't get there until the day and Justin had been talking to several art critics when he arrived. Brian watched him for a few moments; Justin was laughing and seemed so totally at home and for a guilty moment, Brian's heart sank. If Justin felt too at ease here, then he might never want to come home. But then he noticed that Justin was fingering his ring and Brian smiled when he realized he was doing exactly the same thing. Then, Justin caught sight of him and the expression on the younger man's face as the broad grin erupted, re-affirmed his own feelings and Justin strode quickly across the floor to fling his arms around Brian's neck and kiss him. “I have missed you so much ...” Justin whispered to him. “Phone sex isn't nearly as good as the real thing ...” he grinned at him and Brian grinned back. Brian stayed for three days and Justin insisted in taking time out and together they did a little sightseeing. And no, phone sex could never compare to the real thing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In the end, Justin was gone for six months; six months of doing the rounds of the art crowd, giving interviews and trying to paint. Brian threw himself into his own work; doing his best to fill the days, but the nights were the worse. Though there'd been a time when the thought of waking up next to someone; especially the same person every day had actually appalled him, Brian now missed not waking up beside Justin. And in NYC, Justin missed Brian every minute of every day and couldn't wait to get home and Brian flew out every few weeks to spend a couple of days with him. Justin was slowly making a name for himself and gaining a reputation, but he wasn't totally happy with his work. He tried and though it was good, he knew it wasn't his best and it wasn't difficult to realize why that should be. Though he had all the right equipment and Dory had found him the perfect studio; a studio that cost a small fortune to rent, his heart wasn't in it. His heart was back at the house in WV and with Brian. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Six months later: After the success of NYC, offers of more shows had followed; one more for another gallery in the Big Apple, together with provisional dates being set for the following year. Brian made several trips to see Justin and throughout the summer, Justin had begun to regularly sell his work and had even been offered specific commissions; something he didn't do often as he painted from the heart, but the odd one or two would help keep the money coming in so that he would be able to make a bigger contribution to the house; his and Brian's home. Brian laughed when Justin sent the first check and was about to call him to ask him what the fuck was he doing sending him money. And then he realized; this was Justin's way of asking Brian to see him as an equal; something that Brian hadn't thought about before as Justin had always been more than his equal in Brian's eyes, but he knew how important it was to Justin to be considered as such. And so he called him to say thank you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian's relationship with Debbie had progressed to the odd phone call; especially when she'd learned from Vic that Justin was away. Vic assured her that the two of them had decided it was what Justin should do and she rang Brian to ask how Justin was getting along, when all the time, she really rang to ask Brian how he was doing with the younger man away. Brian had smiled to himself; Debbie had always been so transparent in that way, but he appreciated the fact that she actually took the time to call and was able to recount proudly on Justin's success and the fact that he was doing okay too. But Brian still didn't hear directly from Michael. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gus came to stay again during the summer break and at long last Brian had no qualms of going out and doing so much more with him; his son was almost ten and growing taller and more mature all the time. Justin made a point of flying back and spending a couple of weekends with them and to go out as a family meant more to Brian than he would ever admit. And then when Justin finally came back home in the fall and settled down to some serious painting, everything seemed to fall into place. Brian had never been happier; any misgivings he may have once had about never falling in love seemed like a distant memory. Justin made it so easy and daily, Brian had grown in confidence about himself and his ability to love in return, with Justin making it very clear that while he may have to go away frequently, he would always come home to Brian and both men knew and understood that this was how it would be; how it was meant to be for both of them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Another Christmas came and went, which for both men felt like an anniversary; one year on from when Brian was able to finally admit how he felt. Justin agreed to a show in Toronto in the early Spring; Lindsay made all the arrangements and Brian went with him. It was a great opportunity to see Gus as well as support Justin and no longer fearing how he looked and with seemingly his confidence fully recovered, Brian didn't even think twice about booking the flights. And then something happened that once again, changed everyone's lives. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian hadn't given the timing of the show a second thought and was never sure whether Lindsay just forgot to tell him in all the preparations, but it was Jenny Rebecca's birthday in a few days and Debbie, Carl, Michael and Ben had arrived in Toronto to visit. Michael had seen his daughter regularly, but Debbie hadn't seen her for months and when the suggestion came for her to visit, she'd jumped at the chance, even if she did bitch about how frigging cold the place was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the weekend and Lindsay and Justin were at the gallery when Brian called to collect Gus and walked right in on the Novotny-Bruckners. Carl was friendly enough and made a point of talking to him while Gus was getting his coat on and Debbie smiled and asked Brian how he was and that she was looking forward to seeing Justin's show too. Ben was polite, if a little embarrassed, but when Michael came down from upstairs having collected JR, he hurriedly put on her coat, hat, scarf and thick woolen mittens and made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to talk to him; something Brian still didn't understand considering what they all now knew. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ While Justin was occupied with the arrangements at the gallery, Brian had his son for most of the day and they'd enjoyed themselves with Gus showing his Dad the sights, including the CN Tower with Brian not really wanting to admit that he wasn't overly keen on the glass floor all those feet up; especially when Gus insisted on jumping up and down on it to demonstrate just how safe it was. “I know it's supposed to hold the weight of God knows how many elephants ... but I really don't think we have to test it out” stated Brian; quite happy to move back inside. Gus had a friend's birthday party to go to, so Brian deposited him back home early and made plans with Melanie to have him again on the Sunday and he made his way over to the gallery to catch up with Justin. It was starting to get dark and parking the car across the street from the gallery, he was just getting out when he heard the truck's air horn blow and when he looked over, what he saw made Brian act before he even had a chance to think. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jenny Rebecca had been in the company of her Dads and Grandparents all day; Michael wanting to take her shopping and buy her a new party dress, which was taking a lot longer than he thought, much to the dismay of his Mother who had seen at least half a dozen suitable dresses, but none of which Michael liked. Debbie declared she was giving up and finding themselves on the same street as the gallery, she and Carl had gone into say hello to Lindsay, leaving Michael and Ben looking in the window of a childrens' boutique just a few doors down. Like any other child of almost six years old, little JR's attention was easily distracted and across the road, she saw a woman with her teenage daughter out walking a little dog. Jenny Rebecca smiled. “Puppy ...” she whispered to herself and before he even realized it, Michael was left holding his daughter's empty mitten; the youngster having pulled away quietly from his hold. In a panic, he quickly turned around. “Shit ... where did she go ... Ben ... did you see where she went?” Both men in a frenzy, Ben hurried along the street, looking among the crowded sidewalk for their daughter: Looking around him, Michael yelled out. “JENNY REBECCA ...” “MICHAEL ...” Ben shouted back at his husband, who looked to where Ben was pointing, but seemingly neither man could move and everything appeared to be happening in slow-motion. And that's when they heard the air horn, followed by the screech of brakes and the earsplitting scream. In her attempt at wanting to stroke the puppy, JR tried to cross over the street and had wandered out into the traffic; cars had miraculously pulled around her, but now the truck, with little room to maneuver, swerved in order to try and avoid hitting the little girl, but it was just too big. Brian didn't even realize who it was, but he was closest at hand and some sort of parental instinct must have kicked in. With only seconds to spare, Brian dived into the street and he grabbed at the little girl and caught her by the sleeve and pulled her towards him. Turning to one side, barely able to keep his balance, Brian managed to deposit Jenny Rebecca in the curb, a little bruised but otherwise unharmed and was quickly picked up by a woman who had seen what was happening. But the truck had caught Brian a sideways glance and as the woman on the sidewalk screamed, everything went black. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Broken shoulder ... two busted ribs and a mild concussion ... you were damned lucky ...” stated the doctor. “Lucky's my middle name ...” uttered Brian hoarsely as he tried to sit up. He'd come to in the ambulance, but with the oxygen mask on hadn't been able to say anything, but the fact that he'd opened his eyes, Justin had heaved a huge sigh of relief. They'd heard the commotion in the gallery and had stepped outside to see what was happening; Justin horrified to learn that it was Brian lying in the middle of the street and surrounded by onlookers. Jenny Rebecca was in the ambulance also, accompanied by Lindsay who had called Mel to tell her what had happened and who would meet them at the hospital. Later on examination, little JR was pronounced fit and well and could go home straight away, but Brian would be x-rayed and scanned and would be kept in at least overnight for observation. “You are fucking amazing” stated Justin, once the doctor had left and he leaned over to kiss Brian. “He's a fucking hero ...” came the voice behind him and Justin turned around to see Debbie standing in the doorway holding two styrofoam cups of coffee and she walked over to them and handed one cup to Justin; Brian frowned. “You do know what you did?” asked Justin, looking at him and Brian tried to shrug. When he'd stepped out into the street, all he'd seen was a little girl in danger, but in the ambulance and seeing Lindsay with her on her lap; it eventually seeped in who it was he'd grabbed a hold of. Brian groaned and held his bandaged shoulder. “This ... hurts like a Motherfucker ...” “The doctor said the nurse will be in shortly to give you some painkillers ...” stated Justin. “Just ask her to leave the bottle ...” murmured Brian and he lay back down on the pillows. Justin smiled and took a sip of his coffee and he glanced at Debbie; the woman looked as if she wanted to say something and Justin got to his feet. “I'll go and check on Jenny Rebecca ...” he stated and smiled knowingly at Debbie as he left the room. “Well ... kiddo ... you never cease to amaze me” stated Debbie quietly as she drew a chair up to the bed. “What is it with you and traffic accidents?” Brian tried to smile. “You know me Debbie ... never did do anything by halves ...” “And on this occasion ... I have never been so pleased that you did ...” “I owe you, Brian ... we all do” and putting down her cup, Debbie got up from the chair; leaning over, she squeezed his hand and kissed him on the cheek. “Now ... if you'll excuse me ... I have a son to disembowel ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin found them all gathered in the corridor outside and wanting to know how Brian was. “Why don't you go ask?” stated Justin and definitely embarrassed, Melanie took JR in to see her savior. “Michael ... I want a word with you ...” and Michael closed his eyes at his Mother's voice. He'd already had both ears and certain other parts of his anatomy chewed off by Mel and Lindsay and he knew exactly how careless he'd been with his daughter's life. “Ma ... it was an accident ... I was distracted for two seconds ...” “Two seconds which nearly cost your daughter her life” his Mother shot back at him and she saw how pale her son was and that he looked physically sick; he knew what he'd done. “I guess you won't do it again?” his Mother suggested and Michael nodded. “If I ever get the chance to see her again ... after this” he sighed and he sat down on the chair and put his head in his hands. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mel struggled to start with, but seeing the tears in her eyes, Brian knew what she was going through and ended up waving her apologies away. For probably the first time ever, they were in tune; they were both parents and Brian knew full well how he'd feel if the same thing had happened to Gus and how grateful he'd be to whoever had put their own life at risk to save him. And now Mel was indebted to him for the rest of her life; a very strange feeling for Brian to experience and if it had been for any other reason, would probably have enjoyed immensely. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian was discharged the following morning and spent the day at Mel and Lindsay's instead of the hotel he and Justin had been staying in. Justin wanted to postpone the show, but Brian refused. “Everything's been printed and advertised ... there's no way you can cancel and re-schedule ...” Brian insisted. But Justin only attended the opening day and then flew home with Brian. “There will always be other shows ...” Justin told him. And then, a few days later, Michael came to visit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin offered Michael coffee, but the man refused and Justin left them alone. Michael had said he'd understand if Brian didn't want to talk to him, but he'd like to say his piece if he allowed him to. Brian nodded and sat on the sofa waiting for the man to begin and Michael just paced up and down. “You're going to wear out the fucking carpet ...” stated Brian; wondering why it could be so incredibly difficult to talk to the man who had been such a big part of his life. “I am so sorry ...” stated Michael eventually and Brian frowned. “I'm surprised you're not talking falsetto ... I thought Mel would have removed your balls by now ...” “I'm not talking about JR ... though I'll never forgive myself ... I feel sick every time I think about it ...” and Michael stopped his pacing and stood in front of Brian. “I can never thank you enough ...” “You don't have to ...” stated Brian. “What's done is done, Michael ... I'm just glad she's okay ...” “But I don't mean about JR ... though of course I'm indebted to you forever for what you did ... again ...” Brian raised an eyebrow; trying to work out what Michael was referring to. “I'm talking about the other accident ... our accident ...” stated Michael and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and sighed. “Do we have to go over it again ... weren't you there when Kyle said ...” “I'm not talking about what Kyle did ... I'm talking about what I did” and Michael sighed and sat down on the sofa beside Brian. “I should never have told the Patrolman that it was me driving ... I never realized what everyone would think when they found out ... that you'd deliberately let me do that to save your own neck ...” Brian nodded. “Everyone thought I was a fucking coward ... that I was letting you cover my ass ... as usual ...” “But I couldn't work out why you didn't say anything ...” continued Michael. “Until I was sitting in the Family Court at Hunter's adoption hearing ...” Brian sat slowly back in the sofa; his shoulder still painful and he'd be out of commission yet for a few weeks and had to tell the producers of his latest movie that he'd be late; missing his deadlines. But now he was more interested in hearing what Michael had to say. Michael took a deep breath. “During the hearing ... the judge talked about Ben and me and how we'd coped being foster parents and that he thought we'd done a pretty good job ...” Brian nodded. “You did ... Hunter could still be on the streets ... or worse ... if you hadn't stepped in ...” “Maybe” agreed Michael. “But his Mom contested the adoption ... so it was important for us to come across as nothing less than squeaky clean ... and then it hit me ...” “During his summing up ... the judge said how Ben and I were of good character ... without a blemish against us and I felt like I'd been kicked in the gut ...” “I suddenly realized that if it came out that I'd lied to the authorities about the accident ... there was no way a judge could have ignored that ... the adoption wouldn't have been approved and I might even have ended up with a charge against me ...” “I couldn't believe I'd been so fucking stupid not to see it ...” “Your first instinct was to protect me” admitted Brian and he shrugged, painfully. “But what I could never understand was why you ... of all people ... totally ignored me afterwards ...” “Why Mikey ... I could understand why Debbie cut me off ... but why wouldn't you talk to me or take my calls?” Michael looked down at his hands. “I was ashamed ... I'd ruined my best friend's life ... I couldn't face you ... so it was easier not to try ...” “Can you ever forgive me?” asked Michael and Brian closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the sofa. What was he supposed to say? Michael had always been there for him so much in the past; when his Dad beat him up and when he died; the only one who really understood what Brian had gone through during his childhood; the man who'd propped him up emotionally and physically. “I understand ...” stated Michael, interpreting Brian's silence as a refusal to accept his apology and he got up to leave. “Michael ... I'm not saying things can ever go back to how they were ... too much has happened ...” and Brian got up slowly; nursing his injured shoulder; he groaned and Michael instinctively put out a hand to support him. Brian smiled. “Still trying to help ... eh Michael?” and the other man dropped his hand to his side. Brian looked at him. “You have Ben ... and I have Justin now ...” Brian stated. “I have a new life ... with a man ... with a man I love and who loves me” and Brian smiled; the first time he'd ever been able to say that and it made his heart swell with emotion. “And life's too fucking short to live in the past ... I've moved on ... with no apologies ... no regrets ... remember?” Michael smiled, understanding how living in the past with regrets and recriminations does no one any good and that there comes a time when you have to let it go. Michael put out his hand and looked Brian in the eye; Brian smiled and took Michael's hand. “Then here's to the future” stated Michael and Brian nodded. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A week later, Justin found Brian in the bedroom, studying the picture of himself cradling baby Gus; his shoulder was still strapped up and he saw Brian replace the photograph and move into the bathroom where he looked at himself in the mirror. Justin frowned and followed him in. “Are you okay?” he asked him; obviously concerned and Brian looked at Justin's reflection in the mirror. He swallowed. “After you left me in the hospital ... I asked to speak to the plastic surgeon ...” stated Brian and he saw Justin's surprise; Brian looked back at his own reflection. “I asked him how successful he thought removing the scars would be ...” and he smiled. “I wouldn't shave the beard ... but he could feel them ...” “What did he say?” asked Justin and Brian turned around to face him. “He said a decent surgeon should be able to make a pretty good job ...” and Brian moved back into the bedroom. “Are you thinking of having the surgery?” Justin asked him and Brian rolled his lips into his mouth. “I'm thinking about it” he admitted and Justin walked up to him and put his hand on the man's arm. “Why are you thinking about having it done now ... after all this time?” “I couldn't face it before ... I didn't think it was worth it ... I didn't have any reason to do it ...” “And now?” asked Justin and Brian shrugged. Justin frowned at him. “Tell me one thing ... honestly ... okay?” he asked him and Brian nodded. “If you do have the surgery ... who would you be doing it for ... me or you?” Brian thought for a moment and then smiled. “For me” he answered him and Justin smiled back at him. “Good ... because I fell in love with you as you are now ... not how you looked before ...” “I don't give a damn about any scars ... you're still the most beautiful man I've ever met ...” To be continued. Once again, many thanks to Lois for all her hard work and for giving me her suggestions for Justin's studio and the whipped cream scene! And thanks to both Lois and Judy for their continued and very much valued, friendship.