Chapter 10: “If you have to think about it ... then you don't believe me ...” Justin was almost at the bottom of the stairs when he heard voices coming from the living room; the obvious hurt and disappointment in Brian's and then Debbie's, telling him she still couldn't believe him. They must be talking about the accident and Justin sighed. He'd hoped getting Debbie and Michael to the art show would have helped build a few bridges, but these two sounded as far apart as ever. Justin continued to wait in the hallway; not wanting to intrude, but being close enough that he could let Brian know he was there if he thought he needed him. But it was only a few moments before Debbie came out of the living room as she headed for the front door but, realizing Justin was there, she stopped and smiled at him. “You've got a wonderful gift ... not that I know anything about art ...” Debbie chuckled. “But I heard what people were saying last night ... they loved you ...” she told him and Justin nodded and took the last couple of stairs and crossed the hall towards her. “Thanks ... but it took Brian to get people to sit up and take notice ...” as he looked around; at the sound of voices, Brian had followed Debbie into the hallway and stopped a few paces away from them. “Once an ad man ... always an ad man I guess ...” Debbie stated and she looked back at Brian. “You did Justin proud ... there's no denying that ...” “Well at least I'm good for something ...” came back Brian; a hint of sarcasm in his voice and Debbie frowned. “This isn't easy for me either, Brian ... I love you like you're my own ...” “But not enough to accept my word apparently ...” came back Brian and without another word he turned and walked back into the living room, closing the door behind him. Debbie sighed and then reached out and opened the front door. “If only you knew what all this was doing to him ...” stated Justin quietly, so that Brian wouldn't hear. “I've only been around him a little while ... and I can see how hurt he is by everyone accusing him of lying to save his own skin ...” “Well then ... what the fuck happened ... did they mix up the test results or what?” Debbie asked him and Justin shrugged. “I guess not ... after all ... he did lose control of the car ... but he really believes he only had one drink and nothing else ...” “But the test results say different ...” Debbie challenged him and Justin frowned and looked down in disappointment at his failure to bring about some sort of reconciliation. Debbie smiled and reaching out, put her hand under his chin and brought him up to face her. “I want to believe him, Sunshine ...” she told him. “But when I got the news about the accident and thought I'd lost both my boys ... I thought I was gonna die ...” “And then when I learned from Michael that he was taking the blame and Brian was letting him ...” and she sighed. “It just seemed such a cowardly thing to do ... when Brian had nearly killed Michael in the first place ...” “But you know Brian didn't ask him to lie ... don't you?” asked Justin and Debbie nodded. “But that doesn't change what happened ...” and she stepped outside and then turned back to face him. “I'm glad he's got you in his corner ... and I never thought I'd say this ... but I saw how Brian was last night ... you'd have to be blind not to know that the man loves you ...” “No ... it's more than that ...” Debbie corrected herself. “He's in love with you ... and that must make you very special indeed ...” and she sighed. “The heart is a very fragile organ, Justin ... and Brian's more than most ...” “I'm just finding that out ...” Justin smiled at her. “So then you know he doesn't love lightly ...” stated Debbie and Justin nodded in agreement. “You don't have to worry Debbie ... I love him ... and I think you still do too ... despite everything ...” “Well ... that's the thing about love ... it isn't always rational when it comes down to who we have feelings for ...” and smiling at him, Debbie turned and walked down the path and to her car. Slowly, Justin closed the door and went to find Brian. “You were out there a long time ... and I bet I can guess what you were talking about ...” Brian snorted; he was standing by the window and looking out into the garden. “Actually ... we were talking about love,” replied Justin. He saw Brian frown and crossing the floor, Justin went to stand beside him. “I know what she said ... but she still loves you ... Debbie still cares about you ...” “Bullshit,” came back Brian. “She only cares about her precious Michael ...” “'I love you like you're my own' ... her words, Brian ... not mine,” stated Justin; repeating Debbie's earlier statement. “She thought she was going to lose both of you ... both her sons ... it's not uncommon for someone to resent anyone who puts them through something like that ... “ “When did you become a qualified psychologist?” Brian asked him abruptly; knowing he shouldn't be taking his anger out on Justin, but the younger man wasn't put off. “She thought you were a coward not to own up to driving ... she didn't expect Michael to lie over something like that ... and I think she's probably always been just as angry at him for that as she is with you ...” “And now she knows why you didn't come clean about what happened, her feelings about the accident are being challenged ... she probably doesn't know what to believe any more ...” and Justin sighed and put his hand on the older man's arm. “But that doesn't mean that deep down she doesn't still care about you ...” And now it was Brian who sighed. “Well ... she has a funny way of showing it ...” Justin smiled. “You on the other hand ... if I didn't know how much you cared before ... last night left me in no doubt ...” “And what did you think you were doing ... inviting Debbie and Michael to the show?” Brian interrupted him, unwilling to go where Justin was taking the conversation. But his eyes gave away the fact that he wasn't angry at the younger man for his attempt as peace-maker. “I know you meant well ... but ... you weren't around when it happened ... you don't know how deep all this goes ...” Justin briefly closed his eyes; he knew the man had cut him short because he didn't want to go there and he wondered when the hell Brian was ever going to admit how he felt. “May be ... but I just thought that if I could get all of you under the same roof then maybe you'd start talking ... and it did get you talking again,” stated Justin. “And that can't be a bad thing ... because I'm sure Debbie's questioning her thinking on the accident ...” he pointed out, but Brian merely shrugged. “But she did come to you today ... looking for answers didn't she?” the younger man asked him and he saw Brian roll his lips into his mouth, but continue to stare out of the window. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Within a week of the show, the first of the interviews Justin had given began to appear and the phone started ringing off the hook. Many were calls of congratulations on such a successful event, a few were inquires regarding the sale of some of his pieces and talks of further shows; an offer by a gallery in NYC early in the New Year being the first confirmed, together with messages from Sidney saying other galleries throughout the US and beyond were showing enormous interest in his work. Lindsay also rang to congratulate Justin and to say she'd read one of the articles too and how did he feel about a show in Toronto? “We could go and see Gus ...” smiled Justin, hopeful and Brian nodded. Yes, they could and he wondered why he now thought that was possible; would it be because he'd have a certain blond by his side maybe? Because Brian was beginning to realize just how much stronger Justin's love made him feel, but certain other things were proving too hard to master. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I hope you can hear me whistling ...” Brian sounded desperate, but Vic couldn't help but chuckle. Despite Brian's initial fears about Vic leaving, he saw the man regularly; he and Rodney coming to the house or Brian and Justin going to theirs: once Brian had made sure the coast was clear. Vic had asked him how he was coping and Brian would slap him on the back and say “Fine ...” but then Vic would look at Justin and see the slight shake of the head and suppressed grin at Brian's attempt at keeping house. And an altercation with the washing machine in which too much soap had been added was the final straw. Brian decided they needed a new housekeeper; someone who could never replace Vic of course, but who would cook their meals and clean; especially clean and do the laundry. “What happened to the service?” Justin asked him, and he took off his sneakers and socks and waded through the bubbles to switch off the machine and he turned back to look at Brian who stood safely in the door way; keeping dry. “It always looked so easy when Vic did it ...” admitted Brian in his own defense and he shrugged and Justin giggled; the other man looking the picture of innocence, but, having reeked havoc and unable to get anyone out quickly enough this time, the two men were left to bale out the utility room between them. And now, Brian couldn't avoid getting wet. “You know what this reminds me of?” chuckled Brian; barefoot also and his jeans soaked from the knees down and Justin looked at him and shook his head as he attempted to sweep bubbles and water outside and Brian scooped up a handful of bubbles and blew them at Justin. “Studs 'n' Suds night at Babylon,” he grinned at him. “Christ ... do they still do that?” the blond asked and grinning back at him and Brian shrugged. “I have no idea ...” “I expect they do ...” “Well ... nothing ever really changes down Liberty Avenue ...” observed Brian. “Then maybe we should find out and go to the next one ...” suggested Justin, returning to the task at hand and hoping that one day, Brian might feel bold enough to revisit old haunts, but Brian slipped an arm around the younger man's waist and pulled the blond back towards him. “Why bother ... we can have our own private one right here ...” Brian breathed into his ear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With Vic agreeing to interview likely candidates and with a view to hopefully engaging a housekeeper before Christmas, an ad. was placed in the local papers and, unsurprisingly considering the attractiveness of the neighborhood, a number of likely applicants submitted their interest. Brian was also prepared to pay well to get the right person and Mrs. Kathleen Donahue appeared to fit the bill. A lady in her late fifties and recently widowed, she was honest enough to say she was finding it difficult to make ends meet on the small pension her late husband provided. And, when asked outright, claimed to have no problem working in a gay household. “Well ... I guess I had to ask ...” shrugged Vic as he and Brian were going over all the applicants' references. Brian frowned. “Hmm ... I guess it could curtail our activities a little ...” he admitted; a slight grin on his lips. “I can always check out the gay agencies ...” suggested Vic but Brian shook his head. “One drama queen in the house is enough ... and I wasn't referring to you ...” he assured Vic; laying a hand on the man's arm and he glanced up at Justin. “I am not a drama queen ...” stated Justin, indignant as he overhead their conversation. “No ... then what about your performance last week ... over that pink tee ...” “The problem with that pink tee ...” reminded Justin. “Was that it was supposed to be white ... but you put it in the wrong wash ... remember? It was brand new ... I'd only worn it once ...” “So I'm not exactly a domestic Goddess ... so sue me ...” invited Brian. “And I said I'd replace it ... only you wouldn't let me ...” “No ... but you paid me back in other ways ...” said Justin, grinning at him. “This is interesting ... tell me more ...” asked Vic, smiling and he put his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his hand, but Brian conveniently ignored him. “I definitely like this one ... Mrs. Donahue ...” Brian assuming her husband at least was from an Irish background; like his own. Vic sighed; he was obviously going to get no more information regarding the price Justin had put on his ruined tee and so returned to the decision in hand. “I agree ... her references are good and she only left her job and moved to Pittsburgh when her husband changed his job ... it seems he died very suddenly ...” “The only problem is ... I think she was looking for a live-in post ... she mentioned she was struggling ...” Justin frowned. “No offense ... but it would seem weird ... having a stranger actually living in the house with us ... I mean it's your house Brian ...” Brian shook his head while looking through Mrs. Donahue's paperwork. “It's your home too ... but I've been thinking about how much room you're going to need ... once you start painting full time ...” and he now looked at Justin. “You are going to be painting full time I take it?” Justin shrugged. “I don't know ... I hadn't really thought that far ahead ...” “Well ... you want to ... the offers you've been getting ... I can't see how you're going to stay on at Kinnetik and keep up with the demands on you ...” Justin sighed. “I guess so ...” and he scratched behind his ear as he realized the problem he would be faced with. “Then you're going to need a lot more room than you've got now,” stated Brian. “But that means I'll probably have to look for premises back in the Pitts ...” Justin was horrified at the prospect of not being able to work at the house. He'd been used to painting more or less when the mood and inspiration took him; sometimes getting up in the middle of the night. But it wasn't just that. It would mean spending more time away from Brian, but the older man shook his head. “Not necessarily ... come with me ...” Dutifully following him, Brian led them out into the chilled air and headed for the stables. “Buttons' only using one stall ... the others are all sitting there ... doing nothing ... as long as there was enough support for the roof ... I don't see any reason why the area couldn't be converted into one big room ... it would be much larger than the space over the garage ...” and he looked at Justin. “There's water, light and power ... so we could put in a bathroom ... sinks ... put in more windows and better lighting and insulate the place ... whatever you need ... build out some if we had to ... whaddya think?” “What about the smell?” asked Vic before Justin could answer and Brian grinned. “I don't think Buttons will object ...” Feigning insult, Justin reached out and dug the man in the ribs; Brian grunted and grabbed a hold of the blond's wrist and pulled him in. “Buttons is cleaned out every day ... and as long as this area's totally self-contained ... I'm sure there won't be anything offensive to upset Justin's delicate constitution ...” promised Brian, which earned him another, but this time, gentler dig. “Which means Mrs. Donahue ... if she wants the job ... could have the accommodation over the garage ...” declared Vic. “You always have an answer ...” stated Justin. “Not always ...” pointed out Brian; for a moment a little more seriously. “But what do you say ... you're going to need the extra space anyhow ...” “Yes ... of course ... anything so I don't have to think about leaving here ...” replied the blond and Brian leaned down to kiss him; hoping Justin would always feel that way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Once having made up his mind, Brian didn't let the grass grow under his feet. Despite the worsening weather, with most of the work being internal; apart from putting in additional windows and a more secure door, the alterations began as soon as Brian managed to hire a suitable contractor and everything would be finished early in the new year. Vic approached Kathleen Donahue, who having been informed that the appointment would include the accommodation over the garage, was overwhelmed at being offered the position and this was when Vic told her what Brian did for a living. Kathleen was dumbfounded to say the least. She was a huge fan of his movies and the prospect of working for him now became all the more attractive and she agreed to take the job without further thought. And, as the property she was living in was currently rented, she was free to take up her post and move in fairly soon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Buttons was often exercised by Sarah Powell from the neighboring property, who was also more than willing to clean out his stall and groom him. They were a young and pretty liberal family, but Brian couldn't help thinking they probably regarded it as pretty P.C. to be living next door to gay neighbors. And although Gus had been a little reluctant to allow someone else to tend the animal to begin with, he'd relented when Brian pointed out it would save the little pony getting lonely when he and Justin were working if he had other people looking out for him. The Powell's were horsey people and also owned a small terrier and as both Sarah and husband, Scott, had ridden as children, they'd gotten their daughter, Emily into the saddle as early as possible. And they were more than happy to have Buttons move in as Muffin's companion while the work on the stable block was being carried out. In the meantime, though it was very cramped, Justin set up a temporary studio in Vic's old room, in order to enable Kathleen to move in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A couple of weeks to go before Christmas and with Kathleen agreeing to take up her post in a few days, it was Justin's turn to make dinner and Brian came into the kitchen beaming like a loon. “Lindz just called ... Debbie asked them if they'd like to come down and stay with her for the holidays again ...” “She asked me if I'd like to have Gus for a few days this time ...” “Brian ... that's great news ... will he actually be here over Christmas?” Brian nodded. “Lindz said she and Mel are taking some leave and they're coming down on the 22nd ... and she'll drop him off on the 23rd and pick him up again a few days later ... and then spend a couple of days at Deb's before heading back ...” and he grabbed hold of Justin; the younger man smiling widely and totally thrilled at how excited Brian obviously was to have his son for most of the holiday season. “I can't believe he's going to be here Christmas morning ... this will be the first one I've spent any real time with him ... last year he was only here for a few hours ... and I didn't have time to even think about getting a tree or anything ...” “They didn't say he could visit until practically the last minute ... I had it in mind to buy him a pony anyhow ... so I'd been looking around ... and luckily, Buttons was available at the time ... but the breeder didn't deliver him until the same morning Gus visited ... so it was all a last minute panic ...” “But that'll all change this year ... this year it'll be the works ... a tree ... lights ... every goddamn thing you can think of ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kathleen Donahue had already down-sized when she and her husband moved to Pittsburgh and had now managed to distribute the decent pieces of furniture she had kept between both her married children; keeping just one occasional table that she was bringing with her that had been in her family for three generations. Consequently, it took just a driver and one small rental van to move her personal belongings from her rented house out to WV. She was a straight forward, no nonsense woman who said it how it was and that always appealed to Brian. And after moving in, Brian invited her to the house to talk and make sure her duties were understood. Brian had no expectations that Kathleen would prepare breakfast; Justin's days off were unpredictable as to what hour he actually rose and both men were quite happy to see to themselves in the mornings. However, she would provide lunch and dinner and leave cold cuts or soup prepared on her days off as well as take care of the cleaning, laundry and general running of the place. He also instructed her to call him Brian, not Mr. Kinney, as she'd been addressing him. And although he liked to be informal, he hoped she understood that his private business was just that and was to be discussed with no-one. Kathleen understood that Brian valued his privacy, but a couple of days later, she walked into the kitchen just as Brian was about to kiss Justin; the younger man's hand working inside Brian's shirt and not realizing her presence. Brian had seen her, but determined not to feel self-conscious in his own home, he continued; now would be the time to see her reaction and whether she was as accepting as she'd stated. Kathleen smiled to herself; her actual thoughts were probably the reverse of what Brian might have expected and not for the first time did she realize that she was now working in what was looking to be a very interesting household. She was certainly not put off by the presence of two very attractive men who obviously had deep feelings for each other, but Justin jumped at the sound of her voice. “I'm going to the market ... anything either of you want ...” she asked, matter of factly and both of them watched as she collected her shopping list from the counter. “No ... no thanks ...” stated Brian, trying to hide his amusement and Kathleen turned to Justin who shook his head and had put his hand up to his mouth in an attempt to hide his laughter. “Then I'll be about an hour ...” she announced and smiling at them, she buttoned up her coat and put on her gloves as she left the house: Brian and Justin collapsed into giggles. “She probably thought she'd walked into a gay porn movie ...” giggled Justin and Brian shrugged. “Well ... the sooner she gets used to the idea that we're a couple ... and do everything that couples do ... the better ...” and grinning back at him, Brian kissed him on the temple and grabbed his mug of coffee before heading to the study and back to work. Justin smiled as he collected his own coffee to take up to his temporary studio and then he stopped when he realized exactly what it was Brian had said. He'd referred to them as a couple. Had it been an accidental slip Justin wondered, or a conscious description of how he now saw their relationship. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Justin ... have you got the final boards for the Liberty Air presentation?” Ted asked him and Justin nodded. “Just finishing them up ... they'll be ready in about an hour ...” Justin had agreed to put in extra hours leading up to this and had to admit it had been hard work; the client changing their minds about what they wanted and still pushing for an early meeting. But he'd enjoyed the challenge and the fact that Dan had trusted his judgment to work unsupervised boosted his confidence. “Good ... I want to do a final run through before tomorrow ... we have to put on a really good performance this time ...” and Ted came in and looked over Justin's shoulder at what he was working on. “They look great ... we're going to miss you ...” and he put his hand on the younger man's shoulders and Justin looked up; confused. “Well ... I really had no idea how talented you were ... I mean the pieces you showed us when you came for the job were great ... but when I saw everything ... all your work at the show ... it was amazing ... you're amazing ...” “Thank you, Ted ... but don't go taking my name of the staff list yet ... I've had lots of interest and a couple of offers to buy ... but that doesn't mean I'm going to be able to make a full-time living at it ...” Ted frowned; “Well ... from what I saw ... I'd say there was no doubt ... but you've got a job here as long as you want it ...” “Oh ... you are going to be there ... aren't you?” “At the presentation?” Justin asked him and Ted nodded. “I know it's not a normal working day for you ... but I want both you and Dan there ... just in case there are any last minute changes they want ... so I would appreciate it ...” “Okay ...” Justin answered him; proud that he should be included as part of the presentation group. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Paul Maynard, CEO of Liberty Air and his party arrived on time as expected and Kinnetik was certainly pulling out all the stops; with flowers on the table and refreshments, including having fruit delivered and coffee and non-alcohol drinks on a side table. Absentmindedly, Ted re-arranged the fruit bowl and he stared at it; green apples. Brian had always had green apples in the office; perhaps it was a good omen. Justin's job was to put up the boards, and together with Dan, explain the thinking behind the different themes and the colors used if asked. Because the account was so lucrative, with the airline looking to expand its routes, as well as Ted overseeing the campaign, two account managers had been assigned to work together. Kyle, though experienced in the business, was new to Kinnetik, while Glen had worked there for nearly two years and was regarded as the senior of the two. Unfortunately, it would seem that Kyle thought his accomplishments elsewhere should have counted for more and there had been some friction between them. But under Ted's watchful eye, both men had been compelled to work side by side. But Ted wasn't convinced that Kyle was really quite what they were looking for and had decided he would probably release him when his contract came up for renewal. Everything was set and the presentation seemed to go well, but with yet a few more adjustments; the client deciding on a different background color for each of the boards, which they chose from the color wheel and which Justin was tasked to note down for when the final ad. was produced. But later that day, when the clients had left and Justin was working on the new layout, Kyle came along to see how things were going; Cynthia had promised everyone a good Christmas bonus should they secure the account and with the lifestyle he was leading; Kyle was relying on the money coming through. “That one was Turquoise 7, Justin ...” Kyle stated and he tapped Justin's notebook. “Are you sure?” Justin asked him. “I've got Turquoise 1 ... it's totally different color ...” and Justin pointed out the colors on the wheel. Kyle shook his head. “No ... Turquoise 7 ... definitely ...” “No it wasn't ...” came the voice from the door and Glen walked in. “I'm saying like Justin ... it was definitely Turquoise 1 ... I wrote it down myself ...” and he took out his PDA to confirm it. It was a simple mistake, but the difference in the colors was so obvious and as one of the client's party had noted it down also, they definitely didn't want to get anything as basic as the color wrong. Kyle looked from one to the other; angry with himself that he could make such a ridiculous mistake and without another word, turned and left the room, but his face was like thunder. Justin bit his lip and Glen put his hand on the other man's shoulder. “Don't worry about it ... I'm always having to pull him up on something or other ... either he doesn't listen or ...” and he looked down. “Or what?” asked Justin and Glen looked back up at him. “Some days he completely does his own thing ... he seems a bit ... frenetic ...” “What ... you mean like he's on something?” asked Justin, but Glen merely shrugged, unwilling to voice his opinion outright. “I wouldn't like to say for sure ... but if you were to ask me ... I think he's getting to be more of a liability every day ...” and he sighed. “I'll be glad when we know one way or the other about this contract ... then hopefully it'll mean I don't have to work with him any more ...” and smiling slightly, Glen turned and left the office. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The countdown to Christmas had begun and though Brian knew he shouldn't really spoil him, he still wanted Gus to have a wonderful time. But as it was, he and Justin came staggering home with armfuls of decorations and presents; the latest computer games and equipment high on the list. After going to the art show, where no one seemed to pay him too much attention at all; other than those who knew him, Brian's reluctance to be out among crowds was diminishing. But he was a little surprised and Justin suspected, also secretly flattered, that the woman in the toy store actually flirted with him; as did the parking garage attendant until he saw the look Justin was giving him and then a few days before Christmas, they went to choose the tree. The tree was huge; it almost touched the high ceiling in the living room and the delivery men had to get it in through the French doors; a feat in itself. And Justin watched Brian as the older man started to cover the tree with lights and baubles and colored bows, ribbons and tinsel. Brian seemed to be lost in a world of his own and Justin supposed he was remembering his own happy childhood. Little did he know of course, because Brian had never discussed it, that Christmas was one of the worst times of the year in the Kinney household; even worse than usual. The Kinney's would be thrown together during the festive season; playing at 'Happy Families' though normally at each other's throats. His parents bickered constantly and together with his Father's heavy drinking, Brian and his sister Claire would bolt up to the safety of their rooms or, in latter years, Brian would more than likely head off to Debbie's, where everyone was always welcome and the Christmas lunch wasn't a burnt offering, as dished up by a sherry-soaked Joan Kinney when Jack eventually got back from drinking at the Social. And having hung the last bauble on the tree, Brian stepped back to survey his handiwork and briefly closed his eyes; he'd spent years shaking off the fears that he would uphold the family tradition of being a shitty father. But he was actually starting to feel quite proud of himself and he knew there was no way Lindsay would continue to let him have Gus for any length of time if she didn't approve of his parenting skills and understood how much he loved him. It was late afternoon and nearly dark and smiling, Justin turned off the overhead lights as Brian flicked the switch; the tree transformed into a shimmering, sparkling vision of wonder and later, it would be surrounded by dozens of brightly wrapped parcels. “He's gonna love it ...” Justin reassured Brian and slipping his arm around the older man's waist; both men bathed in the soft glow from the tree lights. “I hope so ...” admitted Brian, wistfully. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin still had a couple more working days before breaking for Christmas, plus today was also the day they were due to hear whether or not Kinnetik had been awarded the contract for Liberty Air over Vangard Advertising; the company Brian used to work for before setting up on his own. It was 5:00 and Ted was pacing the floor; it was getting late and still no news when suddenly Cynthia came rushing in. “Maynard's on the phone ... Susie's putting him through here ...” The phone rang and Ted took a deep breath before picking it up. “Ted ... Paul Maynard ...” “Good to hear from you ...” Ted replied and he grimaced at Cynthia who was keeping her fingers crossed; Kyle, Glen, Dan and Justin had heard the man was on the phone and had wandered into the office also and were trying to gauge Ted's reaction from hearing his side of the conversation. “Uh huh ... uh huh ...” Ted was nodding and everyone else groaning and Ted motioned them to keep quiet. “Yes ... you too ... have a good Christmas ...” and he put down the phone; his face deadpan. “Well ... WELL ...” asked Cynthia and she grabbed Ted's arm. Finally, Ted could hold it in no longer and grinned broadly. “WE GOT IT! ...” and he punched the air. Cynthia squealed and hugged Ted and everyone started to congratulate each other on their success and Ted produced a bottle of champagne from the small refrigerator in the office. “I think this calls for a celebration ...” and everyone finding a clean glass or mug, the bottle was soon emptied. “We must have a real celebration ... when everyone else is here ... make the Christmas party go with a real swing ...” Ted grinned at them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Are you sure you don't want me to prepare the usual Christmas lunch for you?” asked Kathleen, worried that the guys wouldn't be able to fend for themselves, but Brian shook his head. Apart from anything else, such traditions reminded him of things he no longer experienced: one he was quite thankful for and that was the disastrous meals he had as a kid and the other, was one he'd been surprised to admit he'd actually missed; and they were the countless Christmas lunches at Debbie's with the only people he'd ever regarded as being anything near to family. “No ... thanks Kathleen ... but Justin and I would rather have steak and salad ... but would you be able to do something else for Gus?” he asked her and Kathleen nodded. “I'll do a steak burger ... that way he can think he's having more or less the same as you ... I'll leave a few baking potatoes out too ...” “Do you want me to do you a dessert?” “Well ... Gus loves ice-cream ...” shrugged Brian and Kathleen frowned. “Well ... I can make sure there's plenty of varieties in ... enough to do ice-cream sundaes?” “That'll be great ... what time is your daughter picking you up on Christmas Eve?” “Around midday ... so hopefully we can get to Harrisburg before it gets dark ...” “Are you sure you don't mind ... only when Sally asked me to go to her house for Christmas ... I didn't think I would be getting a job so quickly ...” Brian shook his head. “Your family is important ... you can't break your promise ... the kids will be looking forward to having their Grandma come and stay ... we'll be fine ...” “Well ... I'll cook a ham and make sure there's plenty of fruit in too ...” and Kathleen went to check on what she would need and Brian smiled; she was obviously determined they wouldn't go hungry while she was away. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Guess what?” asked Justin, grinning, as he found Brian on the spinning bike that evening in the small gym. “I have no idea ... but you certainly look pleased with yourself ...” observed the older man, who'd actually begun to wonder why Justin was so late. “We got the Liberty Air account ...” and there was no mistaking the excitement on Justin's face. “No wonder you're pleased ... that was always one account I'd promised myself I'd get ...” and for a moment, Justin thought he saw a pang of regret in Brian's eyes, a hurt that Justin was determined wouldn't linger. “Well ... then we can celebrate together ...” stated the blond and he moved towards him and without a further word, climbed up onto the crossbar; Brian sat back and looked startled as the blond started to undo the zipper on his sweater and then Justin leaned forward and licked the sweat from Brian's collarbone: Brian closed his eyes and sighed; the sensations of Justin's touch leaping straight to his cock. “Shouldn't I get off the bike first?” he asked him quietly as Justin continued to lick his throat and Brian leaned back his head to give Justin more access. “Not necessarily ...” came the mumbled reply. “This could prove interesting ...” observed Brian as he heard the rustle of the condom packet: Justin had obviously come prepared. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mel and Lindsay were driving down from Toronto for the holidays in order to bring Christmas presents, together with the children's paraphernalia and they arrived late afternoon. Debbie was so looking forward to seeing little Jenny Rebecca and couldn't believe how her Granddaughter had grown since she'd last seen her and soon whisked her away from her moms. Mikey was coming over tomorrow to spend some time with his daughter and with Gus at Brian's, the girls were going to look up a few old friends and do a little more last minute shopping. And, much to Lindsay's surprise, Mel had offered to drive them over to Brian's. But the truth was her curiosity had been aroused by the artist that seemed to have become an important part of Brian's life and even part of Gus'. Lindsay was full of admiration for Justin's talent and though she hadn't been pleased, Mel hadn't really been able to object when Lindsay allowed Gus to take his calls; Gus mentioning the young man often and he'd obviously made a big impression on him. But she'd snorted and shaken her head in disbelief when Debbie had recounted the fact that Brian appeared to have fallen in love. “That man's only ever loved himself,” came back Mel, never one to disguise her dislike of Brian. “Shh ... Gus will hear you ...” The one thing Mel did that really rankled Lindsay was her tendency to criticize Brian in his son's hearing. “And I don't know how you can say that after all we know and what we've been hearing ...” Lindsay whispered in Brian's defense; having explained the art show was all Brian's idea and the extent to which he'd gone in order to ensure its success. And that was the one thing about Lindsay that really annoyed Melanie; how she always came to Brian's defense. And around the dinner table that night, once the children were in bed in Mikey's old room, Debbie found herself admitting just how damn confused she now was with everything to do with the accident; the fact that Brian kept quiet about the real reason he hadn't admitted he was driving being that it could jeopardize Michael and Ben's petition to adopt Hunter. “That kid of mine's done some dumb-assed things in his life ... but lying to the cops and saying he'd been driving just has to be the dumbest ...” “Knowing Brian ... he probably would have admitted he was driving ... if he'd been given the chance ...” stated Lindsay and Mel hated the fact that she was probably right. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There had been a generous fall of snow overnight and the following morning, Gus and Carl were out in the garden building the snowman they'd started on after breakfast and while Gus' Moms were having a lie in after their journey. But now, Debbie and Lindz were chatting in the kitchen when they heard the front door open. “How's my little hunny-bun?” asked Michael, grinning, as he and Ben crossed the living room floor to greet them. “Well ... I'm fine thank you ...” Debbie grinned back at him and Michael went over to her and kissed her on the cheek. “I meant the other hunny-bun ...” he said quietly and his Mother patted his face. “Of course you did ... I'm just your Mother after all ...” “Hi Debbie ...” “Hello Ben ...” and the two kissed in greeting and then both Michael and Ben hugged Lindsay; “Merry Christmas Lindz ...” “Merry Christmas guys ...” and Michael looked around. “Where is she?” “The real object of your affection is just getting her coat on ...” Debbie answered him and with that, Mel opened the stair-gate at the top of the stairs and holding hands with her little girl, helped her down to meet her Dads. “My god she's grown ...” greeted Michael and he picked the child up and gave her a big hug and then he kissed Melanie, as did Ben; again everyone wishing each other a merry Christmas. Thankfully, with the frequent visits Michael took to Toronto, JR recognized him right away and went to him willingly. “It won't be long 'till I can have her down here to visit ... like we agreed ...” Michael reminded Mel and the woman nodded. After a period of accusations and even a family court appearance, when the girls were going through a bad time and Michael had petitioned for custody of baby JR, they'd eventually reconciled their differences and Mel had agreed that as their daughter got older, Michael could have her for visits. “What do you plan to do today ... Dad?” asked Debbie and Michael put JR back on the floor and took her gloved hand. “We're going to visit Santa's Grotto at the Big Q ...” Michael informed them. “Yeah ... who's gonna get to sit on his knee ... you two ... or Jenny Rebecca?” Debbie chuckled at them. “I'm not Brian ...” Michael answered her automatically and without thinking and he saw everyone's questioning looks. Michael sighed. “Brian once told me he did one of Santa's Elves ...” “MICHAEL!” Quickly, Debbie reached out and covered Jenny Rebecca's ears; though nothing ever fazed Debbie in that department, little JR was a bit too young for such horror stories. And while Melanie had one of her disgusted looks on, Ben and Lindsay could only grin. “That sounds about right ...” Lindsay admitted. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After making sure Gus' room was ready and giving the rest of the house a thorough cleaning before she left, Kathleen was making home-made chicken soup for lunch, not that Brian could eat very much in his excitement. Tonight's dinner was pot roast and this afternoon she would prepare a lasagne to leave in the fridge for tomorrow night, Christmas Eve, that Brian and Justin could reheat. Kathleen had arranged to spend Christmas with her married daughter before taking up the housekeeping post and had been very grateful to Brian that he'd been so agreeable about it and would leave a list of instructions for the food she'd left prepared for over the holidays. “But it's not like the stores are going to be closed for long ... and there's always a restaurant open somewhere ...” Brian had reassured her, when Kathleen again asked him if he was sure there was enough food in. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “You're going to wear out the carpet ...” Justin observed as Brian went to look out the window for the umpteenth time. Brian sighed and wondered if Mel and Lindz were deliberately keeping him waiting: he wouldn't put it past Melanie. “I don't suppose they're in any hurry ...” stated Brian dejectedly and Justin frowned and went to stand beside the man looking out of the window; Brian looked at him and saw his confusion. “Mel and I haven't ever really hit it off ... and then after the accident ... she wouldn't let me talk to Gus ... it was months before Lindsay realized I wasn't ignoring them ... that I wasn't being allowed access to my own son ...” “Jeez ... what a bitch ...” replied Justin and Brian smiled. “Succinctly put ... and very true ... and even more when you consider ...” and Brian stopped and sighed; realizing he shouldn't have said anything: it was so tedious going over old ground yet again, but Justin asked him what he meant. “They split up ... when Gus was still a baby ... but they still loved each other ... or so I thought ...” “Why ... aren't you sure now?” Justin asked him and Brian shrugged. “They've had their problems ... but then again ... what couples don't?” and he took a deep breath. “I signed over my parental rights on the understanding they give it another go ...” Justin was shocked; he'd got to see just how much Brian loved his son and couldn't begin to dream how much it had taken for Brian to do that; an action that ultimately had led to Gus being taken out of the country: something that Brian couldn't have prevented, even if he'd wanted to, once giving up his legal rights. And if Justin didn't know how deeply the man could love anyone, he knew then for sure and then suddenly, Brian couldn't disguise his excitement and a broad grin spread across his face as the car drew up outside. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “DAD!” “Whoa ...” Gus ran to his Father and the two of them hugged tightly and Justin grinned as he saw Brian close his eyes as he held on. Then, pulling away from Brian, Gus ran to hug him too; Brian smiling proudly at his son showing Justin so much affection. Justin ruffled the boy's hair and then went to the trunk of the car to retrieve his case. And even though Brian would never admit how excited he was at Gus' visit, he couldn't deny it now. And in fact Brian's excitement had proved contagious, with Justin looking forward to catching up with the youngster again himself. Lindsay got out of the car and hugged Brian and then turned to Justin. “Hello Justin ... good to see you again ...” she greeted him and these two also exchanged hugs, while Melanie looked on. Seeing Lindsay and Brian hug was bad enough, but she was more than a little put out at the connection Lindz and this young man apparently shared. Obviously, this was Justin and then again, they did have something in common; Brian. Brian leaned down to see who was driving and couldn't hide his surprise when he saw it was Mel. They hadn't seen each other for years and the last time they'd actually communicated was when she continued to refuse to allow him to speak with his son. “Are you coming in?” asked Brian and Lindsay ducked down to look at Mel through the car window and her partner shrugged: Lindsay looked back at Brian and smiled. “Sure ... and I'd love to see some more of Justin's work while I'm here ...” Lindsay introduced Mel to Justin, who couldn't miss the look of suspicion the woman gave him or how she refused to actually acknowledge Brian's presence. Brian was right, there was obviously history between them and apart from what Brian had just told him, Justin recalled how he'd guessed that Brian and Lindsay had slept together in college. And then he remembered Vic telling him that he thought the reason Mel wanted to move to Toronto was to put some distance between Lindsay and Brian. So, Melanie was jealous of Lindsay's friendship with Brian after all and looking at the two old friends together, Justin could see why and, just for a fleeting moment, wondered if he should be jealous too. But he grinned to himself; he knew these things sometimes happened, but he was the one sleeping with Brian now and there was no way the man was ever going to be batting for the other side ever again. “What are you grinning about?” Brian asked him; noticing how Justin was trying to disguise the fact and he followed the younger man in through the front door. “You wouldn't believe me if I told you ...” came back the reply and the blond put down the case and reached up to kiss him and feeling Brian's response, wondered why he'd been so stupid to even contemplate for a second that he should ever be jealous of Lindsay. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having deposited Gus' case and leaving the boy to unpack in his room, Justin took them to Vic's old room; the stables not yet completed and even Mel couldn't conceal her surprise and admiration at the quality of the young man's work and while she was talking to Justin, Lindz grabbed the opportunity to take Brian to one side. “Why didn't you ever tell anyone why you let Michael take the blame for the accident?” Brian sighed. “You've been talking to Debbie ...” “She's justifiably confused by it all and I can't blame her ... what was Michael thinking?” asked Lindsay. “Mikey was just being Mikey ... running off at the mouth before he really thought anything through ...” answered Brian. “But once it was done ... what was the difference ... everyone was going to hate me any how ... either for the accident or for ratting on Michael ...” and Brian shrugged. “Well that might be very noble of you ...” stated Lindsay. “But people might have reacted to you a whole lot differently if they'd known the truth ...” “That I nearly killed my best friend?” pointed out Brian. “Well that is the truth Lindz ... there's no getting away from that fact any how ...” and while Lindsay wanted to continue the conversation, Mel's voice suddenly cut across them. “Circumcised ... I should have known ...” Mel had discovered the picture Justin had painted of Brian asleep and naked and Justin turned to Brian in his confusion at her statement. “It's a long story ... I'll tell you later ...” the older man informed him; Mel's reference to the fact that once realizing their intent, Brian had put a stop to the Bris: the circumcision ceremony that Melanie had arranged for Gus, in keeping with her Jewish religion. Brian was glad of the interruption to his conversation with Lindsay and to be changing the subject; but preferably not to this one. “I'd rather we kept that one private ...” whispered Brian into Justin's ear and the younger man nodded and took the picture from Mel's hands. “I'll put it away ...” he informed Brian, but he couldn't stop a little grin from forming on his lips at the man's apparent discomfort and the room went silent. “Wait 'till you see the one Justin did of Gus ...” stated Lindsay, breaking the silence and leading the way back downstairs, Brian took Mel proudly into the study, where Gus' portrait was hanging; Melanie was spellbound. “Speechless ... this I have to record for posterity ...” stated Brian and Mel turned to each of them in turn and then eventually back to Justin. “It ... it's beautiful ...” “You sound surprised ...” grinned Brian and putting his arm around Justin's shoulder. “I am ...” admitted Mel and then she apologized. “I'm sorry ... I probably shouldn't be ... but I never thought ... when Lindz said you were talented ... I didn't realize just how much ...” “You know ... I'd love you to do one of Jenny Rebecca ...” and she looked at Lindsay for agreement. “Or maybe both of our children together?” suggested Lindsay and Mel nodded. With the older man's arm still around his shoulders, Justin smiled and tingled at the warmth of Brian's open display of affection and pride at his work and Mel studied both men and blinked as she saw them look at each other. But she was especially interested in Brian and the man's eyes shone as he looked at the young blond who was now leaning into him; their close bond hard to disguise; even if they wanted to. Debbie was right; Brian was in love. Christ; she never would have thought that would happen if she lived to be 100 years old. And then she realized something; if Brian was in love with Justin; or whoever else for that matter; then at least she shouldn't fear that one day Lindsay would leave her over some notion that she could be with Brian instead. She glanced at her partner; Lindsay was smiling at the two men, but Mel thought she saw a little sadness in Lindsay's eyes too at the final realization that she would never be a part of Brian's life like Mel was sure she once thought she might. Seeing Lindsay's vulnerabilities, now was the time for Mel to stake her claim once and for all and she put her arm through her partner's. “Well ... I guess we ought to be heading back ...” and she steered Lindsay out of the study, but the door to the living room was open slightly and something caught their eye as they walked passed. Pulling away from Mel, Lindsay stopped and looked in. “Oh my God ... Brian ... what did you do ... buy up the whole store?” “Jeez ... I hope you left something for us to give him?” stated Mel, only vaguely joking for although raised Jewish, she had never denied Gus the experience of Christian celebrations and had never seen so many presents in one place before: Brian walked past them and picked up a few parcels from under the tree. “Here's yours ... there's perfume and a couple of things for Lindsay ... and a tool kit and motorcycle maintenance handbook for Mel ...” “Only kidding ...” he smiled at her; his eyes twinkling and Mel couldn't be sure he was joking as she took the parcels from him. “There's also some of the chocolates that Debbie used to like ... maybe ... maybe you could share them ... or something ...” he suggested and seeing his pain, Lindsay stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you ...” and Lindsay indicated the chocolates. “She'll love them ... we'll get yours ... they're still out in the car ...” “Oh ... and there's this too ...” and pulling away, Brian picked up a parcel sack and Mel stared at it wide-eyed. “It's a stuffed rabbit for Jenny Rebecca ...” and again, Mel didn't know what to say as she passed the parcels she was holding over to Lindsay and now took the sack. “Thanks ... thanks Brian ...” her voice unable to hide her surprise at his thoughtfulness. “Well ... they are brother and sister ...” Brian replied and then shrugged and Lindsay squeezed his arm. Mel looked inside the sack; “God ... I think it's bigger than she is ...” and she smiled slightly at him and recognized again how confusing she'd always found this man to be; someone who would help out a friend and never admit to it and even go out of his way to cover up the act by some word of insult and who used to mock and deride marriage and yet had organized hers and Lindsay's when all their arrangements had fallen through. Closing the door to the living room behind them before Gus could see, they went out into the hall and Brian called up for him. “Gus ... your Moms are leaving ...” and the youngster came bounding down the stairs and ran to Lindsay, who put the parcels down and then hugged him and kissed the top of his head. “You be a good boy for your Dad ... and we'll see you in a few days ...” Gus nodded and reached for Melanie, who had to put down JR's gift in order to hug and kiss him back. And then with Mel and Lindz picking up all the presents, everyone moved back out to the car; Lindsay retrieved the bag and gave it to Brian “Gus knows he'll have most of his presents from us when he gets back ... but there a few things in there for him to be going on with ... and there's something for you ... and Justin too ...” Mel shot her a glance; she hadn't realized Lindsay's shopping trip had included buying gifts for Brian's ... For Brian's what she wondered; his boyfriend? Partner? For as sure as hell this didn't look like something casual. No, Brian Kinney was in love; finally and unfuckingbelievably as far as she was concerned. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disappearing with the excuse that he had some shopping to do, Justin left the house left just after Mel and Lindsay. After waving him off and before Brian had a chance to explain to Gus that Buttons had taken up residence next door, the youngster had gone running down to the stables and had come back horrified that his pony was gone, only to be finally relieved when his Dad had explained. “Well then ... can I go and see him and maybe go for a ride?” Gus asked him and Brian nodded. “Sure ... they know you're coming for Christmas ... they said we could go over any time we liked ... have you got your hat?” Gus nodded and picking up some carrots from the vegetable basket for both ponies, Brian took him over. Emily was riding Muffin and Sarah was grooming Buttons when they got over there; Brian and Gus warmly greeted as Brian introduced his son. Gus loved his pony and had missed him and flung his arms around the animal's neck before offering him the carrots; Buttons whinnied in recognition and appreciation. Brian then saddled the pony and both adults watched as the kids trotted around the paddock. “He sits well ...” observed Sarah and Brian smiled. “Considering he only had a few lessons ... I guess he does pretty good ...” “Well if he's going to continue riding ... he'll probably outgrow Buttons fairly soon ...” Sarah observed. “I know lots of people ... if you're ever looking for anything bigger ... I can always help ...” “Thanks ... but he only gets to ride when he comes down to me ... and I'm not sure how Gus will feel about giving Buttons up just yet ...” and Brian leaned on the top rail of the paddock as he watched Gus chatting to Emily as they rode together. “They're getting on well ...” Sarah grinned at him and Brian raised an eyebrow as he saw his 9 year old had obviously noticed how pretty the Powell's daughter was. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was starting to get dark when Justin returned and he managed to slip into the house unnoticed; he'd hoped Brian and Gus would be occupied with something and his prayers were answered. In fact, they were still over at the Powell's and Gus had now taken over his pony's grooming under Sarah's instruction. “You're back ...” stated Brian as he and Gus came in through the back door shortly after and Justin grinned as Gus went to wash up. “I wanted to make sure I was back for the big switch on ...” stated Justin and once out of the bathroom, Brian took Gus to the door of the living room and got the boy to cover his eyes; Justin opened the door and slipped inside. “Are you ready?” Brian asked him and Gus nodded: Justin switched on the tree lights. “WOW ...” Gus' eyes opened wide. It wasn't just the tree that was lit up, but Brian and Justin had spent a good afternoon putting up other strands of colored lights; transforming the room into a magical wonderland; something Brian never thought he'd find himself doing. But turning the large and previously often lonely and empty house into a family home had such a right feel about it. And then Gus saw the presents under the tree and for a moment Brian's heart leaped into his mouth; wondering if he'd just destroyed a childhood illusion. “Oh Dad ... at least you don't think I still believe in Santa ...” stated Gus, gratefully and Brian let out a huge sigh of relief and Justin grinned; realizing what had had been going through the other man's mind. “But they're not to be touched 'till Christmas Day ...” Brian instructed and Gus nodded; but it was obvious he wasn't going to be able to contain his excitement until then and Brian had a sneaky feeling that at least one of the presents would get to be opened before the day. During a telephone conversation Brian had with Lindz a few days before, he'd managed to find out which were Gus' current favorite movies and after dinner, through which Gus seemed to chatter non stop, he, Brian and Justin sat down to watch “Spiderman”, with the boy plonking himself down on the sofa between the two men. Justin grinned as Brian put his arm behind Gus's head, but so that he could rub the back of the blond's neck. Justin bit his lip and knew he wouldn't last long if Brian carried on like that for much longer, but it wasn't too long before Gus' head started to loll and he rested against Brian's chest: Brian ran his hand through the boy's hair and kissed the top of his head. “Come on Champ ... it's long past your bedtime ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Is there anything you want to do tomorrow?” asked Brian as he helped Gus into his PJ's and the boy yawned as he thought. “I know ... can we go skating?” “Ice-skating?” asked Brian and Gus nodded. “Sure ... Mom and Mama started to take me ...” “Well I guess there is a lot of ice up there ...” Brian chuckled and then he frowned. He couldn't remember the last time he went ice-skating; it was probably when he was in college. But it wasn't just that; skating was very popular at this time of year and it would probably mean being out in a large crowd. There was also a delivery he was expecting tomorrow and he did a quick mental calculation. But then he looked at Gus, who was obviously waiting for an answer and Brian grinned; how could he refuse him anything? “Sure ... 'course we can ...” and he pulled back the duvet and the boy climbed in. “Night Dad ...” Night Gus ...” smiled Brian and turning off the light, Brian hesitated in the doorway to watch his son settle down for the night for a few moments before closing the door behind him. Justin met him in the upstairs hallway. “He asleep?” “Won't be long ... he's pretty excited ... he's had a busy few days ...” and the younger man grinned. “I don't think he's the only one excited ...” “Are you referring to me ... or you?” chuckled Brian and he put his hand at the back of Justin's neck and continued the stroking: Justin groaned before taking the man's hand and leading him into the bedroom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I thought you said you were going in to work today ...” stated Brian after he came out of the bathroom; Justin appearing to be lingering in bed longer than usual on a work day and the blond frowned. “I don't have to ... now with the Liberty Air campaign completed ... I don't suppose there'll be too much going on today ... as it's Christmas Eve ...” “But isn't there a party you have go to?” asked Brian, but Justin shook his head. “It's okay ... I don't have to put in an appearance ...” Brian sighed and sat down on the bed beside him. “You should go ... you did your bit ... you worked damned hard to get that account ... you deserve to celebrate with everyone else ...” Justin frowned and reaching out, rubbed his hand up and down Brian's arm. “I guess it would give you and Gus some time together ...” but now it was Brian who shook his head. “I don't ever want you to think I'm excluding you ...” he said seriously. “You know we'd love to have you come with us ...” Justin smiled and reached up to kiss him. “I know ... and maybe next time ... but it will be good for Gus to have you all to himself ... ” and Brian smiled though he'd been sincere in his statement of always including Justin, on this occasion he would rather the younger man wasn't around the house. And Brian smiled and leaned across to kiss him and then he continued to get dressed as Justin headed for the bathroom. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When Brian went downstairs after checking that Gus was getting showered and dressed, Kathleen had already left to go down to the market early, where she would collect everything she'd ordered, including the steaks, salad and fruit. She'd already prepared the marinade for the steaks, which was now in a container in the refrigerator and had gone through all the instructions on what to do with Brian. And having had breakfast and got on their coats, gloves and scarves, Brian and Gus were ready to leave to go skating just as she returned. “I'm glad I caught you before you go ... do you want me to leave you out anything for lunch?” Kathleen asked him and Brian shook his head. “I was just gonna leave you a note ... thanks ... but no ... Gus and I are going skating ... we'll get something while we're out ... and Justin's heading off for work shortly ...” “Okay ... well I'll wash all the fruit and salads and put them in the refrigerator ... then I've just got to make Gus' steakburger ... and you're all set ...” “Thanks Kathleen ...” and Brian put his arm around the woman's shoulders. He was grateful she'd made the transition of Vic no longer being there an easy one and he pressed an envelope into her hand. Kathleen started to protest; she'd been there no time at all, but already, Brian appreciated the order she kept to the house and her easy, friendly manner. “Then say it's for the Grandkids ...” he told her and Kathleen smiled her appreciation and gave thanks for the fact that after all the upheaval of moving and then the sudden death of her husband, that she appeared to have fallen on her feet. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Before going into work, Justin visited his Mom. She'd rung him a couple of days before and asked him over for dinner during the Christmas holidays, but he'd refused; unless Brian and Gus were invited too. That didn't go down too well and so Justin went on his own to deliver his Mom's, Tucker's and sister Molly's presents and collect his own. “I don't understand you ... even after I told you that Brian organized the art show just for me ... you still can't accept him ... and that I'm with him?” “Justin ... are you sure he loves you ... has he ever told you?” Jennifer asked him and Justin sighed. “Not in so many words exactly ... but look at everything he's done for me ... doesn't that tell you anything?” Jennifer frowned and studied him. Her son was obviously very much in love with Brian and he was right; everything the older man did pointed to the fact that he had feelings for Justin. She'd never questioned Justin's judgment before; she was obviously going to have to give his and Brian's relationship a lot more consideration. His Mom then asked him if he'd heard from his Dad and Justin shook his head; a constant source of heartache that once having come out as gay, the relationship they'd enjoyed had come to an end; his Father unable to see past Justin's sexuality: apparently now unable to continue to love his son. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian looked at his watch; it was 2.30 and they should be heading back home: he had a delivery he was expecting. Venturing out on his own a couple of weeks ago, the salesman had promised him faithfully it would be here today but that it wouldn't arrive until late and he'd already rung him twice to confirm. When Justin had said he wasn't intending going into work, Brian's heart had leaped into his mouth; he hadn't planned on the blond being around. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian and Gus had a great time skating and Brian had to confess just how much he'd enjoyed himself and that once out on the ice, he'd got his 'sea-legs' back fairly quickly and didn't make a fool of himself once. In fact he'd managed to attract a fair number of admiring glances, from both genders. And despite trying to keep to a healthy diet, the hot chocolate with the marshmallow topping was too good to refuse. And then, on leaving the stadium, Brian rang the salesman again. “Yes Mr. Kinney ...” and the salesman rolled his eyes at the man's third telephone call today. “It will be there between 4:00 and 6:00 ... you have my word ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Getting back to the house, Gus was keen to go and see Buttons and Brian rang over to the Powell's to see if that was okay as it was getting dark. Sarah said there wasn't a problem and that she would be at the stables herself in a short while in any case and Gus was more than welcome to go down and the youngster made his way over to the next door property. Brian paced the floor for almost an hour and then saw the lights pull up. “About time ...” and he headed outside to sign for a very special delivery. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ With the item safely stored out of sight, Brian grinned to himself. But suddenly, Scott Powell came running from the direction of their stables; a flashlight in his hand to illuminate the pathway. “Brian ... you better come quick ... Gus has had an accident ... ” Brian went cold and took off at a gallop; not caring that the pathway was badly lit and he found Gus sitting on a bale of hay inside Buttons' stall with Sarah bending over him; the youngster crying. “What happened?” asked Brian as he knelt beside his son; realizing he was shaking. Gus was clutching his left arm and yelped when Brian took his hand away to see; the boy's fingers cold to the touch. “I'm so sorry, Brian ... it was Rags ...” “Muffin's used to him ... but I've been keeping him away since Buttons' moved in ... but he followed Scott and slipped in the gate ... Gus was grooming Buttons and the dog startled him ... and the pony kicked out and caught Gus on the arm and the next thing we knew, Gus was on the floor ...” “I checked him out before I got him up ... but I think his arm is broken ... should we call for an ambulance?” Brian shook his head. “No ... I'll take him myself ...” and checking for himself that there were no other injuries, he gingerly took off Gus' scarf and used it to secure the boy's arm across his chest and, not bothering that he himself no longer had on any coat against the bitter cold, he carefully carried Gus to the car. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Justin had been right, not too much work had been completed at Kinnetik that day and the Christmas Party had started around lunch time. Ted had employed Emmett to provide refreshments, although the man had complained that he'd expected him to do miracles with very short notice. Ted had also organized a fleet of taxis for later. There was no way he was going to have people driving drunk on Christmas Eve and as most people lived in town, they could easily walk back and collect their cars once sober, though the small number of people with kids or other family members to visit decided to call it a day and headed off around 3:00. Living out of town, Justin restricted himself to soft drinks, but was still carried away with the atmosphere and with the music on full blast, the party was well underway by the time Ted's other guests had arrived. Justin thought he would probably stay until about 7:00; that would give Brian and Gus enough quality time together before joining them at home on Christmas Eve. He was so looking forward to it; it was like having a family of his own. Michael and Ben arrived around 5:30 and said they would only stay for an hour or so, Hunter was due back from college later that night and he was bring home a girlfriend and they wanted to be there to meet them. “Uh huh ... bringing her home to meet the in-laws ...” joked Emmett; now enjoying the party himself having issued instructions to his team and Michael nodded. “I have a feeling it's something like that ... they seem pretty serious ...” admitted Ben and they helped themselves to the bottle beer; neither of them particularly fond of wine. Emmett waved across the heads of the crowd to Drew Boyd, his on-off boyfriend, who had collected Blake Wyzecki, Ted's partner and the two had arrived together. “Merry Christmas ...” “Merry Christmas Em ...” Drew and Blake echoed and the men embraced. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “We leave him for five fucking minutes ...” Mel's anger could be heard along the corridor and Lindsay tried to quiet her down. Gus had cried all the way to the hospital; he was obviously in a lot of pain and probably in shock and it broke Brian's heart to see him so distressed and as soon as they'd arrived in the ER, the youngster was whisked away for an x-ray. Thankfully, there was a familiar and very friendly face and Daphne took personal charge of Gus, who physically relaxed once he'd seen her. And then after Brian had given the nurse all of Gus' details he'd hesitated, but knew he had to call Mel and Lindsay; he was dreading it and with good reason. While Melanie's fury was obvious, Lindsay was quiet, but Brian could see how upset and disappointed she was that her son had had an accident while in his Father's care. “This is just like the time I found out you'd gone to the Leather Ball and left Gus with a sitter ... thinking about your own pleasure instead of watching over your son ...” The volume of Melanie's voice had risen once more and she pointed her finger at him accusingly as they waited and Brian had tried to defend himself. “Jeez ... you never give up do you ... he didn't come to any harm ... it wasn't like I'd left him with a total stranger ...” “No ... but he was your responsibility then ... and he's your responsibility now ...” Brian rolled his lips into his mouth; inwardly angry with himself. That episode had been a long time ago, but he'd again been given charge of Gus' welfare and he'd failed the boy. Daphne smiled as she came back out to see them and informed them that luckily, Gus' arm wasn't broken but just very badly bruised and that he could go home with some painkillers. Everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief, but it was Melanie who got back inside the room and to the bed first and put her arm around Gus' shoulders. “He's coming back with us ...” Brian was astounded at her attitude and tried to object. “You said I could have him for Christmas ...” “You think we're going to leave him with you after this?” Melanie spat at him and Brian looked at Lindsay for help, but she only shook her head. “I think he should be with his Moms right now ...” “Lindsay ...” but Lindz put her hand up to stop him going any further. “I don't think we should be doing this in front of Gus ... do you?” she asked him and Brian shook his head and looked down at the ground. He sighed. “What about his things ... his presents ...” he asked quietly; feeling as if it had been him that had been kicked by a horse. “We've got some more clothes for him at Deb's ... we'll come over and get his presents in a couple of days ...” stated Melanie and without any further attempt at conversation and determined not to let up on Brian, she started to steer Gus away. Brian stared at Lindsay who merely shrugged and wordless, turned and followed her son and partner. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Getting back to the house in WV, Brian threw the car keys on the hall table and stood and listened. The house was dark, quiet and empty and he turned on the light in the hall. Slowly, Brian moved into the living room and took a deep breath before switching on the tree lights. Dozens of brightly colored, but still wrapped parcels surrounded the tree; parcels that he wouldn't after all get to see his son open. Another Christmas Day without him. Shit. He so needed a drink. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Merry Christmas, Justin ...” “Merry Christmas, Daph ...” and the two friends had to shout to each other in order to be heard; grinning as they exchanged gifts and they hugged. Josh' guest at the party was, of course, Daphne and he'd picked her up after she'd finished her shift at the hospital. The music was even more deafening than it had been a little while ago; it was just as well there were no near neighbors or there would probably have been some complaints to the law and Justin was having trouble making out what Daphne was saying. “How's Gus?” she yelled at him and Justin frowned. “Sorry Daph ... I can't hear you ...” he mouthed at her and he gestured to the music coming from the system set up in the corner of the room. “Here Justin ...” Josh had made his way through the crowd and was juggling with three drinks and he passed a soft drink to Justin and a glass of wine to Daph. “Daphne told me about Brian's little boy as we came over ... how is he?” he yelled in Justin's ear and this time Justin thought he heard right. “What ... you mean Gus?” Justin yelled back and Josh nodded. Confused and concerned, Justin took Daphne by the elbow and steered her down the hall and into his office. He closed the door; it was quieter here and they could have a conversation. “What's this with Gus?” he asked her, worried that Daphne had cause to see the boy in a professional capacity. “Brian brought him into the ER this afternoon ... he'd been kicked by his pony ... he's got a really badly bruised arm ...” “Jeez ... poor kid ... the pony's at the neighbors while there's work being done on the stable block ...” and Justin sighed. “I bet Brian was gutted ...” Daphne nodded. “He did look pretty upset ... from the details he gave us it seemed like the neighbor was watching over Gus when it happened ... and then Gus' Mom turned up and after he was x-rayed and given the all clear ... they took him home ...” Justin frowned. “Who took him home Daph ... Lindsay or Brian?” “Lindsay,” answered Daphne. “And I think the other one was Melanie?” Justin nodded in confirmation. “I didn't hear all their conversation but it did sound pretty heated at one point ... I got the impression they were blaming Brian for the accident ... and it was the women who took Gus away ...” Justin closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fuck ...” muttered the blond under his breath. Why was it Brian always got the blame? And he took out his cell phone and hit speed-dial #1. Brian's cell was switched off and hanging up, Justin dialed the house: it want straight to answer phone. “There's no answer ...” and Justin shook his head. “I can't believe they did that ... that they took Gus away from Brian ... on Christmas Eve ...” and exasperated, Justin patted his pants pocket; making sure he had his car keys. “I have to get home, Daph ... Brian's gonna be pretty upset ...” and picking up his jacket, Justin hurriedly made for the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There were no lights on at the front of the house when Justin got home, but he could hear music playing. “BRIAN ...” Justin called out to him, but there was no reply. But seeing a faint light coming from under the living room door, he took off his jacket and hung it over the banister and headed down the hallway. Slowly, he pushed open the door; contemporary Christmas music was coming from the radio and the colored lights around the room and on the tree were lit. Brian was on the floor, there was torn and discarded wrapping paper and boxes strewn around the room: he'd put together the train set he'd bought Gus and was kneeling in the middle of it; the tracks encircling him and there was a half-empty bottle of Beam on the floor beside him: he worked the controls and the train went around the track. “Brian?” Justin moved slowly towards him, but it was obvious the man hadn't heard him and heading for the hi-fi, Justin turned the music off; Brian looked up, having noticed him for the first time. Picking up the bottle, he offered it to Justin. “Wanna drink?” Brian's voice was slurred slightly and he'd obviously spent a lot of the evening drinking; Justin shook his head. “No thanks ...” he answered him and for a moment the two men stared at each other before Brian looked away; the Christmas lights catching the gold flecks in Brian's hazel eyes; eyes that fought to keep his emotions in check. Justin stared at him; unsure of what to say. Brian looked like a lost little boy and then he sent the train off around the track again. “Did you have a train set?” Brian asked him as he watched the train go by and Justin nodded. “Yeah ... I did ...” and he chuckled. “If I remember right ... my Dad played with it more than I did ...” and Brian nodded his understanding and brought the train to a halt in front of him. “I had a train set too ...” he announced, smiling and then a shadow fell across his face. “I didn't have it very long ... my Dad smashed it ...” and Brian took another swig from the bottle. “He broke it ... deliberately?” Justin asked him and he crouched down so that he was more level with the man and Brian nodded; Justin could see he was struggling to keep his feelings under control as the childhood memory came back to haunt him. “Mom had sent Claire ... that's my sister ... down to the Social to get him ... dinner was spoiling ...” Brian smiled. “But that was nothing new ... Mom got stuck into the bottle herself from time to time ...” and he leaned over the tracks and closer to Justin. “Her idea of a sherry trifle was a tumbler in the bowl and half a bottle down her throat ...” he whispered to him and Brian winked and leaned back. “But anyhow ... Dad was pissed at having his kid turn up to tell him it was time to go home and by the time he got back we could see he was ready to pick a fight ...” and Brian overbalanced and slipped sideways and sat down. “Whoops ...” he giggled and then took another swig from the bottle before continuing. “Claire and me shot upstairs out of the way ... we could hear them arguing about how long he'd been out drinking instead of being at home with his family ... family ...” Brian harrumphed and repeated the word; the word that in the case of the Kinney's merely described a group of people that used to live together under the same roof. “But Mom shoulda just let him stay out ...” Brian continued. “He was so fucking pissed at being told what to do ... and he started trashing things ...” and Justin saw Brian frown as the man remembered. “I'd been playing with the train set ... it was still set out on the living room floor ...” “He stomped on the engine and a couple of the carriages ... smashed them to pieces ... I guess it was the closest thing at hand ...” Brian's eyes were shining; no innocent childhood for this man, Justin realized; knowing that kind of behavior tended to repeat itself: that Brian had probably witnessed outbursts of anger on a regular basis. “Good ol' Dad ... God rest his soul ...” and Brian picked up the bottle and took another swig; Justin sighed. Brian had obviously already had too much to drink and if he carried on, would very likely pass out some time soon. Brian looked at Justin and even in his inebriated state could see how concerned the young man was; concern mixed with undeniable love that just shone out of those incredibly blue eyes. Brian blinked at the obvious declaration, which seemed to sober him up and he felt a lump come into this throat; knowing that Justin loved him for who he was despite himself and then the older man just seemed to crumple. Justin stepped over the tracks and sat down beside him; putting his hand at the back of Brian's neck and rubbing; trying to ease any remaining tension out of him. Feeling Justin's gentle touch soothing him, suddenly, nearly 40 years of inner turmoil came to the surface and Brian finally needed to tell someone; luckily, that someone was Justin. “When my Dad told me he had cancer ...” Brian's mouth was now dry and he swallowed. “Debbie convinced me I should tell him I was gay ... that it would build a few bridges between us ...” and he shook his head. “Instead he told me I was the one who should be dying ... not him ...” “And when he died ... I didn't think I'd give a shit ... but it hit me pretty hard ... I finally knew we'd never get to work things out ... never reach an understanding ...” “Mikey was the only one who really knew how my Dad got to me ...” “He didn't expect anything ... he aspired to nothing ... and achieved nothing ... except for me and my sister ...” and Brian lowered his voice; imitating his Father. “Never should have been a family man ... that's what he used to tell me ...” “Too fucking true ... I knew exactly how he felt about me ... he showed me often enough ...” and instinctively, Brian put a hand up to his jaw: to some imaginary bruise and he took a deep breath before continuing. “Except of course he knew he could always come to his successful son when the money ran out before the end of the month ...” “Oh yeah ... I knew how he felt about me alright ... he told me I should have been aborted often enough ...” and then Brian sighed and closed his eyes; he looked exhausted and totally drained. Justin hadn't said a word during all of this; knowing it was best for Brian to be left to say what he had to say without any interruptions: that there was a lot of hurt bottled up for a lot of years and that this was probably only the tip of the iceberg. Justin doubted whether Brian had ever talked to Mikey quite like this before; it seemed so painful for him and his heart went out to the man and also filled with pride that Brian would choose him to open up to. And now Justin was beginning to realize why Brian seemed to have trouble allowing people to get close to him; why he'd kept him at arm's length for so long and not allowing himself to feel. When those closest to you; the people who create you and who are supposed to love you unconditionally let you down: even allowing you to believe they'd wished you'd never been born in the first place, who do you trust? Who do you allow yourself to love without fearing getting hurt in return? Brian had spent so many years trying to prove himself better than his Father; even if he hadn't realized that's what he was doing. He'd worked hard; damned hard and not just because it was more difficult for a gay man to reap the rewards of his labors, but to also demonstrate to himself that he could amount to something. Brian went to take another drink and then stopped and put down the bottle; he knew he'd had too much and he smiled at Justin. “I really used to be able to put this stuff away ...” and Justin saw Brian's chest heave up and down and his breathing was ragged. “They took Gus ... they took my son away ...” and the tears that had been threatening now spilled over. “I know ...” replied Justin. “They had no right to do that ...” and he stroked Brian's cheek with the back of his hand, wiping away a tear. But Brian nodded; a wry smile forming on his lips. “They always thought I'd fail ... and I didn't prove them wrong ... just following the fine family tradition of being a shitty Father ...” “You're not a shitty Father ...” Justin tried to reassure him. “You love Gus ... anyone can see that ... you weren't responsible for his accident ...” but Brian nodded. “Yes I was ... I always am ...” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Guys ... guys ... can we have some quiet please ...” came the cry from the floor and Cynthia put up her hand to hush them; the music was switched off and she and Ted stood at the end of the room on a low table, which had been dragged in to use as a makeshift stage. “Firstly ... on behalf of the management of Kinnetik ...” and Cyn and Ted clinked glasses. “I would like to say thank you ... for all your hard work which enabled us to secure the Liberty Air account ...” and a cheer went up from the assembled workforce and guests alike: Ted put up his hand. “But especially to Glen ...” and he turned to acknowledge the man; “Kyle ...” again, Ted raised his glass in salute. “And to Dan ... and Justin ... wherever he's disappeared off to ...” Ted had found Dan in the crowd, but didn't seem to be able to locate Justin. “Consequently ... the appropriate bonus ...” another cheer came from the floor and Ted grinned. “Like I say ... the appropriate bonus has been transferred to everyone's accounts ... so ... it just leaves me to wish everyone a Merry Christmas ...” and he raised his glass. “Merry Christmas ...” came back the chorus and Ted stepped down from the table and he held out his hand for Cynthia to follow: they soon disappeared into the throng. “Where did Justin go?” Ted asked Josh; he remembered seeing Justin talking to Josh and Daphne and then didn't see what happened to him after that. “He's gone home ... Gus had an accident ...” spoke up Daphne over the music that had started up again and Michael turned around; he'd been standing immediately behind her and had just heard her above the noise. “Gus had an accident? Was it serious?” Daphne shook her head. “Not too bad ... but he has a badly bruised arm ...” “Well that doesn't sound so bad ...” observed Emmett. “That's not really why Justin went home ...” Daphne continued. “His Moms came to the hospital and took Gus ... Justin only found out when I told him and so he's gone to be with Brian ...” “Jeez ... Brian must be pissed they did that ...” stated Ted, remembering the animosity for each other that Mel and Brian didn't even bother to try and hide and he frowned and patted Blake on the shoulder. “Wanna drink?” he asked him and together, both men headed for the temporary bar. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Using all his strength, Justin managed to heave Brian to his feet. The man was beat: physically and emotionally and Justin managed to get him up to the bedroom; Brian now saying nothing as he allowed himself to be undressed and rolled into bed and quickly, Justin slipped out of his own clothes and got in beside him. Brian reeked of alcohol, but that didn't deter Justin as he snuggled up to him and he heard Brian sigh as he finally relaxed. Instinctively, Brian rolled towards him; needing to feel the man's presence: needing at last to feel safe and loved and with Justin's arms around him as he fell asleep, that need, denied for so long, was finally acknowledged and met. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “God ... are those two at it again ...” asked Cynthia. She had been standing next to Ted at the refreshment table when they heard raised voices, even over the music and they both looked in the direction from which it came. It was Kyle and Glen who were obviously arguing over something and Ted shook his head. “We're gonna have to let Kyle go ... Glen carried him through the Liberty Air campaign ...” and he looked to his side as Michael approached the table for a refill. Noticing the men arguing, Michael frowned. “I'm sure I know that guy ...” “Who ... Kyle Robinson?” asked Ted and Michael shrugged. “I guess it'll come to me ...” and he filled his plate with enough food for him and Ben but he couldn't stop glancing up at the men standing just a few feet away; it bugged him that he couldn't remember where he knew him from and Ted now approached the men to tell them to keep it down. The man Michael thought he knew looked like he'd already had plenty to drink and he wandered off a little unsteadily after Ted had spoken to him and Ted shrugged at Glen and put his hand on the man's shoulder. Ted knew who the antagonist was; he'd overheard them before when either man didn't know he was within earshot. For the sake of the account, Ted had let Kyle know that Glen was the senior man; something that hadn't gone done very well. Then, about twenty minutes later, as Michael was still puzzling and trying to recall the previous acquaintance, he saw Kyle approach Glen. Glen had his back to Kyle and was also facing away from his drink which was sitting on a filing cabinet. Michael saw Kyle take something from his pocket and drop it into the beer bottle and couldn't miss the sly grin on the man's face and Mikey moved across the floor quickly and he grabbed Kyle's wrist before he could move away. “What the fuck did you put in that?” he asked him and Glen turned around to see what was going on. “Nu ... nothing ...” stuttered Kyle, but Michael knew what he'd seen. “Yes you did ... you dropped something into Glen's drink ...” and before the man could object, Michael shoved his free hand into Glen's pocket and brought out a small plastic bag which contained some very interesting looking pills. “What's going on?” Glen picked up the bottle and looked inside; the beer was fizzing slightly but otherwise it looked okay. “Guys ... what's this all about?” Seeing another altercation concerning Kyle; one which now involved Michael, Ted came over to see what was going on. “Kyle here put something in Glen's drink ...” and Michael held up the bag and Ted took it: Kyle pulled away from Michael's grasp. Michael glared at him and his mouth dropped open as he finally recalled where he'd seen this man. “Oh my god ... I remember where I know you from ...” “You were at the comic book convention ... it was you who invited Brian to that party ...” and then Michael closed his eyes as the realization hit him like a sledgehammer; that the man made a habit of this. “You spiked Brian's drink ... why the fuck did you do that ... what the hell had he done to you?” “He was gonna steal my biggest client ...” came back Kyle, defiantly and with enough substances inside him to give him the confidence to confess. By this time, the room had gone quiet; someone had stopped the music and everyone was listening. “And you ended up getting a job here ... I can't believe I employed you ...” Ted shook his head in disbelief, but Kyle merely snickered. “When I saw the job advertised and I inquired ... they told me Kinney didn't come in any more ... I thought it was amusing that I got the job and the man I'd shunted to the sidelines was actually gonna pay me ...” Ben stepped forward and grabbed a hold of the man's shirt at this throat. “You asshole ... do you have any idea what you did? Brian drove away from that party and nearly killed both himself and Michael ...” Kyle blinked and only now was it beginning to dawn on him exactly what shit he was in. “Leave him Ben ... he isn't worth it ...” and Michael put his hand on his husband's arm and pulled him away. “Though I don't know what Brian will say when he finds out ...” Ted turned to Josh. “Could Brian file a civil suit?” Josh shrugged. “Probably ... Kyle's confessed to what he did ... we all heard him ...” Kyle looked around him; those staff that had been with Kinnetik from the start had all respected and admired Brian for what he achieved and Kyle could feel their disgust and it seemed like the room was closing in on him. “I'm outta here ...” the man stated and the crowd parted for him to make his exit, but Drew; using his superior height and strength, stood blocking his path. Drew looked at Ted who nodded to indicate for him to move aside and let him go, but Kyle had barely moved when Ted's voice stopped him again. “Kyle ...” called Ted and the man stopped but didn't bother turning around. “Don't bother to resign ... you're fired ...” and Kyle nodded and went to move when the palm of Drew's sizeable hand was pressed against his chest. “Merry Christmas ...” Drew stated dryly; holding him still for a few minutes before releasing him. Kyle slowly resumed his progress across the floor; feeling the anger of everyone in the room. Silently everyone watched him go; Kyle knowing there was no way he would ever get a reference and would no doubt also lose the bonus he was relying on and could even find a civil suit made against him once Kinney knew what he'd done. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian stirred around 5:00 it was still dark outside but the light on the nightstand was on. Blearily, he looked up at Justin and tried to focus on him. But his head was pounding and his mouth tasted like sawdust. “Go back to sleep ... it's early ...” Justin whispered and he saw Brian's eyelids flicker as sleep overtook him again. Justin had managed to get some sleep. Brian had been dead to the world; the alcohol he'd assumed seeing to that. But even in his sleep, the man looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders: his brow in a permanent frown. And now wide awake and knowing that Brian would probably continue sleeping for a few more hours, Justin showered and dressed and made his way downstairs and cleared up the torn wrapping paper and empty boxes off the living room floor. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Around 8:30, Justin made himself some breakfast, though he didn't really have much of an appetite and then he tried to concentrate on some sketching, but his mind wouldn't settle. Hearing what Brian had gone through as a kid had shaken him and seeing how distressed he'd been last night at his son's accident and the boy not being with him for Christmas, Justin wasn't sure how he was going to handle him; other than with the utmost of care. For Debbie was right; Brian's heart was fragile: far more than the man would ever admit to anyone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 10:00 and the doorbell rang and frowning, Justin went to see who it was and, opening up, he found a group of people standing on the doorstep. “Can we come in?” Debbie asked him and Justin stared at her for a moment before moving back to let them pass as Debbie, Michael, Ben, Lindsay and Melanie stepped silently into the hallway. After the events of the previous evening at the Kinnetik Christmas party, when the truth had finally come out, the gang had gathered at Debbie's; a sort of council of war to decide what they were going to do. They knew there was only one thing they could do; it had been a unanimous decision, but would Brian ever be able to forgive their treatment of him? “Where's Brian?” Debbie asked him when the front door had been closed behind them. “He's still in bed ... he was pretty upset ... after Gus' accident ...” and he looked at Melanie accusingly. Melanie went to speak; to declare her right as one of Gus' Moms to make decisions concerning their son, but Lindsay shot her a look; preventing her from speaking. “Well we're not here to talk about that ...” stated Debbie and then they heard a voice from the top of the stairs. “What's this ... a lynch mob?” Brian asked flatly. Dressed in jeans and a tee, he slowly padded barefoot down the stairs; stopping half-way. When he'd woken, Brian had showered; wanting to clear his head and was going to look for Justin when he heard the doorbell. “Tell him Michael ...” Debbie urged her son and Brian saw the man's embarrassment as he tried to put his words together: Michael coughed. “Do you remember the guy from the comic book convention ... the one who asked you to go to the party?” he asked him. Gingerly, Brian shook his head wondering why the fuck all this old ground was being gone over yet again. “Brian ... do you remember him?” Brian rubbed his temple. “What the fuck is this all about Mikey ... can't we let this go ... it's been years ...” “His name was Kyle ... Kyle Robinson ...” “So ... what the fuck does that matter after all this time ...” Brian closed his eyes; vainly hoping that he would one day wake up from this nightmare. “Kyle?” asked Justin and he frowned. “You mean Kyle Robinson who works at Kinnetik?” and Michael nodded. Ben stepped forward and put his hand on Michael's shoulder. “Michael saw him spiking Glen's drink last night at the party ... seems the man makes a habit out of it ...” “What?” asked Justin. “Then ...” and he looked up at Brian; Michael nodded. “He confessed he spiked Brian's drink ... that he thought he was gonna lose his best client ...” “The fucking asshole ...” Justin couldn't contain his anger any longer and to think he'd worked beside the man these past weeks. Brian hadn't spoken, but his mind was trying to absorb what was being said and everyone looked at him; it was Lindsay who spoke first. “We all blamed you ...” “Yes ... you did ...” said Brian quietly. “I told you what had happened ... that I'd only had one drink and nothing else ...” “I even gave you my word ...” and he stared at Debbie who had difficulty looking him in the eye. “We know ... we're sorry ...” “You're sorry ...” Brian chuckled. “You're sorry?” “You treat me like a ... a fucking leper ... you wouldn't talk to me or take my calls ... and even kept me away from my son ... and now you say you're sorry?” Brian took another stair; moving closer towards them and he gestured to the door. “Get out of my house ...” “Get .. the .. fuck .. outta .. my .. house ...” Brian's voice grew loud and firm; his anger rising and belying the pounding that was going on in his head. And then slowly, he turned around and walked back up the stairs. “Brian ...” Lindsay made to follow him, but Mel put a hand on her arm. “Leave him,” stated Debbie. “You can't expect him to welcome us with open arms ...” and she turned to Justin. “We are sorry ... all of us ... Ted and Em wanted to come and say it too ... but ...” “It's okay Debbie,” answered Justin. “I'll let him know later ... but don't expect him to come back into the fold as if nothing has happened ...” Debbie nodded and knew it would take a long time, if ever, for them all to get over this. Justin moved forwards and opened the door only to find more visitors about to ring the bell. “We came to see how Gus is ...” stated Scott Powell; his concern obvious. “These are his Moms ... Lindsay and Melanie ...” introduced Justin and Sarah stepped forward; holding Emily by the hand. “Is he going to be okay?” Lindz nodded. “Thank you ... yes ...” “He has a badly bruised arm ... but otherwise ... no harm done ...” and Sarah breathed an obvious sigh of relief. “I am so sorry ... Gus was with me when it happened ... our dog frightened his pony ...” Mel and Lindsay looked at each other; so, it was another Mother who'd been watching Gus at the time; someone they would probably have trusted him with. Debbie put her hand up to stop her; the woman obviously worried about the youngster. “Accidents happen ...” Debbie stated, matter of factly and leading the way, she led the gang out. Sarah urged Emily forward and the girl handed Justin a parcel. “This is for Gus ... we didn't get the chance yesterday ...” and she smiled. Still a little embarrassed at not keeping a better eye on him, the Powell's made their exit and Justin stood in the hallway holding the present. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Slowly, Brian had retreated to the bedroom and sat down on the bed; his head was swimming and not just from the effects of last night's indulgence. So; his drink had been spiked. He had been right all along; he'd only had one drink and nothing else. But no one had believed him; friends he'd known for years and even for the best part of his life; they hadn't been able to take his word. The anger Brian had felt when he'd realized what Michael was saying had dissipated and all he felt now was numb. Years of feeling guilty that he'd nearly killed his best friend; excluded and shunned from the only real family he ever thought he'd had. Even to the point where he felt he could no longer continue in the company he'd worked so damned hard to create and having to forge a new career for himself; his only friend Vic, who'd stuck by him throughout his dark days. And then there were the facial injuries Brian had sustained; ruining his confidence and leaving him full of doubts and insecurities as to his desirability and worth: forcing him into seclusion. All because someone feared he was about to steal their client. - O - “Brian ...” Justin's voice was gentle and broke into his train of thought and Brian sighed and slowly shook his head. “I can't talk ... I ... I need to be on my own ...” “You have a visitor ...” “Justin ...” Brian's voice was a sob; he didn't think he could be with anyone right now; not even Justin, though he knew the young man would want to be there for him. But hadn't Justin seen enough of his vulnerabilities? “Dad ... are you okay?” Brian blinked and turned around to see Gus walking across the floor; still clutching his sore arm. Justin was behind him with a hand hands on the boy's shoulder and ready to steer him outside again if he had to. Brian gasped; his son had asked him how he was, despite his own pain. “Gus ...” Brian held out his arms and took the boy in a hug; careful not to hurt him any further and he looked up at Justin. “Mel and Lindz know it's the least they can do ..” Justin smiled at him. Once hearing the truth and realizing the depth of the pain and injustice inflicted on him, Melanie and Lindsay knew that letting Brian have Gus stay for Christmas was only just the start in trying to make amends, whatever Melanie thought about Gus' Father. And while everyone was trying to make their apologies, Gus and Jenny Rebecca had stayed out in the car with Carl. And, now accepting that indeed accidents do happen, they'd brought Gus into Justin and asked if their previous arrangements could stand. Justin had smiled and taking Gus by the hand, had brought him upstairs. Brian smiled and pulled back to look at Gus and he pushed the boy's hair back from his forehead. “Does it hurt much?” “A little ...” came the confession and Brian swallowed. “You do know ... don't you ... how much I love you ... and that I'd never want anything to hurt you ...” “Of course I do, Dad ... it was an accident ...” stated Gus and Brian saw the worried look on his son's face. “You're not mad at Buttons are you?” he asked him; fearing his Dad might want to stop him seeing his pony and Brian smiled. “'Course not ... he wasn't to know ...” and Justin saw Brian's sharp intake of breath as he held his son close to him again; as tightly as he dare, given the boy's injury. Gus went quiet and hugged his Dad back; still a little shocked and subdued after yesterday's events and from the child-strength painkillers. Brian pulled him onto his lap. He might be nine years old, but right now Gus was hurt, had missed his Dad and needed a cuddle; something his Father was more than happy to provide. Justin smiled as he surveyed the scene and then turned to walk away; wanting to give Father and son some time to themselves. “Where are you going?” Brian asked him, looking up and he held out his hand. “Come here ...” Justin hesitated and then moved forward and, taking Brian's hand, sat down beside him on the bed; his other hand reaching out and stroking Gus' head, which was nestled on his Father's shoulder. Brian took a deep breath and managed a smile. “Are you okay?” Justin asked him, searching Brian's face and wanting to know he was coping with this. Brian nodded. “Why shouldn't I be ... I've got the two people in the world I care most about with me ...” and he squeezed Justin's hand and Justin saw in Brian's eyes the testimony he'd been hoping for all this time. Brian smiled. “I do love you ...” he whispered; at last voicing the confirmation Justin had hoped he'd one day hear; not that he'd doubted Brian's love for him for a long time. Brian's eyes were shining and Justin gasped; his own eyes now brimming and he leaned in to kiss him. “I know ... I love you too ...” Justin told him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was some before the beautiful spell was broken and time to draw a line under everything; at least for the time being while Gus was with him and hugging his son to him still, Brian made his way downstairs with Justin following and they went into the living room. Brian blinked; the room was perfectly tidy, for not only had Justin packed away the train set and cleared up the debris from the opened parcels, he'd found some more paper and wrapped them up again: he must have known. But as it was, the paper didn't stay on the parcels for long, for even with just one good hand, Gus made short work of the wrapping and Brian sat back; but occasionally literally giving a helping hand when Gus struggled and dozens of presents were opened and explored eagerly and excitedly. Gus loved everything, but he absolutely adored his train set. With all Gus' presents opened, Justin disappeared upstairs to fetch Brian's that he'd retrieved from Daphne's where he'd hidden it away from prying eyes. Brian pulled back the paper; realizing of course what it must be. But he wasn't prepared for the finished article and he shook his head in disbelief. The portrait of himself with Gus was incredible; perfect in every way: Justin able to capture the love between Father and son that just shone out from them. A portrait of love that was painted with love. Another reason why Brian knew that he too loved and was in love with Justin. Brian swallowed and Justin didn't need him to speak; the man's eyes spoke volumes and placing it carefully to one side, Brian went over to the cabinet and retrieved a box he'd hidden there, which he now gave to Justin. Justin looked at it and smiling, slowly began to unwrap it to discover a mass of tissue paper inside and he looked up at Brian. “It's in there ...” the older man grinned at him and eventually, Justin found the keys among the paper: keys with the BMW fob. “A Beamer?” Justin asked him; his eyes widening with shock as he stared at the keys and Brian grinned. Brian slipped on some shoes and grabbing coats, they moved outside and Brian used the remote to open the garage doors. “That old heap of yours was about to give up the ghost anyhow ...” Brian told him and still unable to believe that someone would actually buy him a car and a top of the line one at that, Justin shook his head as he moved inside the garage, where a sleek, brand new Coupe awaited him. “It's incredible ...” stated Justin, as he ran his hand over the gleaming polished surface and Brian smiled. “Well ... I wanted something with class ... but would also give you some protection ...” “That sounds like you ...” Justin grinned at him and Brian smiled. “Can we go for a ride?” asked Gus, excitedly; his sore arm forgotten for the moment and Justin looked at Brian. “Can we?” Brian chuckled. “It's your car ...” but he put his hand around the young man's waist and drew him in close. “Just one thing ... you drive carefully ... after everything ... I'm sure I don't need to tell you how accidents can fuck up your life ...” Justin reached out and stroked Brian's beard. “I'll be careful ...“ he whispered and the two men kissed as Gus opened the door and got behind the wheel of the car; Brian broke away for a moment. “Don't touch anything ...” he instructed gently and Gus nodded. “I won't ...” he answered him and Justin smiled as Brian turned back to him; he kissed him again. “Merry Christmas, Brian ...” whispered Justin. “Merry Christmas, Justin ...” came the reply. To be continued. With grateful thanks to Lois for all her hard work and to Judy for her chats and to them both for their valued friendship.